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Britty soon, Fritz, ve someting must do, Or already ve all vill be killed, For dose English haf put on de screw Und our stomachs are nefer half filled. Vat you tink of dis plan, mine dear Fritz, In mine head dat already I get, Dat I take back again Von Tirpitz, Und Herr Teufel in partnership yet?
FRITZ WARNS THE KAISER
Mine dear Kaiser,—Dose tings vas a fake, Ven you shtart oop dat untersea show Und already a pardnership make Mit Von Tirpitz, Von Teufel and Co. Ven de try dis same game vonce pefore, Soon ve lose all dose subs dat ve had, Und dis time ve vill lose dem some more, For now even dose Yanks haf got mad.
Some advice I vould give to you yet, (It vill shoost take a minute or two,) Call dose subs all in oudt of de vet, Dat's already de best ting to do. You may tink dat old Fritz is a fool, Und haf maype some axes to grind, But dose tings dat he learned oudt of school, Dey vill pring de improvement of mind.
Since dat day I vas brisoner took, Und I hafn't got notting to do, Den I read all dose bapers und book, Und write maybe a letter or two, Dere's some tings I already find oudt Dat de Faderland bapers von't tell, How dose English, like leetle Hans Shtout, Haf de pussy cat pulled from de vell.
All dose English must half deir own vay, Und so soon as deir foes dey vill shmash, Like Napoleon dey ship dem avay Or like Thebaw or Arabi Pash; So I tells you, mine Kaiser, bevare, Or you gets yourself soon in a fix, Saint Helena's old rock is still dere For de feller dat loses de tricks.
FRITZ GOES FARMING
May, 1918
Mine Katrina,—So long since I write, You vill tink I am dead maybe yet; If I never come back from dis fight, Den some udder old feller you get. Vell I tells you de reason, mine frau, Vy already mine letters vill shtop, Ven John Bull soon finds oudt I can plow Den he vant me to put in de crop.
In de vorld if dere's not enough veat, For to make all de beeples some pread, Den de poor vill get notting to eat, Und dey all vill go britty soon dead, So John Bull some potatoes vill sow, Vere dose rabbits und pheasants haf stayed, Und de veat, oats und barley vill grow Vere de tennis und cricket vas blayed.
To pe oudt on de land it seems good, Vere dose onions and cabbages grow, Vere de pigs fall ashleep in de mud Und de ducks in de vater vill go; But I vork so hard now efry day, Und I gets so beeg tired py night, To dose friends dat I luf far avay Den I hafn't no courage to write.
I shoost vork, und I shleep, und I eat, So I hafn't much news for to send; You vould hear of de Sherman redreat, Vell I hopes dis beeg var vill soon end. All mine troubles I hardly can't bear, How is tings in de Faderland now? If ve lose yet, or vin, I don't care, So I only get back to mine frau.
Yours ever. Fritz.
INDEX TO WAR RHYMES
Foreword Page
Modern Diplomacy 5
The Allied Forces 6
The Modern Good Samaritan 8
Satan's Soliloquy 9
The Canadian Way 10
The English Woman's Complaint 11
Unemployed 12
The Hate of Hans 13
Hans Begins to Wonder 14
Recruiting Appeals
Jack Canuck 18
What Owest Thou? 19
A Call to the Colors 20
Choose Ye 21
The Slacker's Son 22
Blasted Hopes 23
Langemark 24
The Canadian Army 25
Fight or Pay 26
Rhymes for Children
Hunting the Were-Wolf 30
Johnnie's Grouch 31
The Trench that Fritz Built 32
Nursery Rhymes—Up-to-Date
Ten Little Slackers 34
Jingles 35
Miscellaneous
Bedlam 38
The Certainties 39
The Friendly Spies 40
Jack Canuck to Uncle Sam 41
Sammy 42
France to Columbia 43
Jim's Sacrifice 44
The Orgy of Thor 45
Motes and Beams 46
Nurse Cavell 47
'Twas Ever Thus 48
Ego 49
Freedom 50
Twenty Years After 50
Faith 51
Everybody Helping 52
The World's Overdraft 53
Slackers 54
The Loyal Blacks 55
The Troubles of Tino 56
Has the World Gone Mad? 57
The Trees 57
Who Knows 58
Afterwards 59
German Securities Fall 60
Trouble in the Trenches 61
The Worshippers 62
To Jean Baptiste 63
The Lost Tribes 63
Reliability 65
The McLeans 65
Farmer John Speaks 66
When the Game Isn't Fair 67
Heinies' Holler 68
What We Won 69
The Home Coming 69
The Opinions of Fritz
Fritz Finds Fault 72
Fritz Has Another Grouch 73
The Kaiser Consults Fritz 74
Fritz in the Hospital 75
Fritz Philosophizes 76
Fritz Writes to His Frau 77
Katrina's Reply 78
Fritz Writes Again 79
Katrina Replies 80
Fritz Learns About Canada 81
Fritz Can't Furshtay 82
Fritz Is Learning 83
Fritz Hears from the Kaiser 84
Fritz Advises the Kaiser 85
Fritz Admits Ignorance 86
Fritz on the English 87
When Will It End 88
The Kaiser Again Consults Fritz 89
Fritz Warns the Kaiser 90
Fritz Goes Farming 91
* * * * *
Transcriber's Notes:
"Wayfarer" is a pseudonym of Abner Cosens.
Left one instance of Alsace-Lorraine and one of Alsace-Loraine Left one instance of out-classed and one of outclassed Left one instance of saur-kraut and four of saurkraut Page 7: Changed Isproud to Is Proud Page 7: Changed belicose to bellicose Page 12: Changed Englishamn to Englishman Page 21: Changed infull to in full Page 22: Changed Kaser to Kaiser Page 25: Changed birth to birch Page 26: Changed popluation to population Page 32: Changed gun tha killed to gun that killed Page 32: Changed killed he Hun to killed the Hun Page 35: Added title JINGLES to match index Page 39: Changed stanza 5 to the correct line ordering Page 40: Changed silient to silent Page 41: Changed your to you Page 48: Changed Briitsh to British Page 57: Changed parents to parent Page 61: Changed Blathersi to Blatherski Page 68: Changed shart to shtart Page 73: Changed Vat's the us to Vot's the use Page 73: Changed dont' to don't Page 78: Changed under to und
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