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Valentine M'Clutchy, The Irish Agent - The Works of William Carleton, Volume Two
by William Carleton
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We now leave them on their way to the place of appointment, as it had been arranged by Raymond, and beg our readers to accompany us to the church-yard in the mountains, where all that were dear and so devotedly beloved by poor Mary O'Regan slept. This unhappy woman, though closely watched by her friends and neighbors, always contrived, with the ingenuity peculiar to maniacs and insane persons, to escape from time to time from under their surveillance, and make her way to the spot, which, despite the aberrations of reason and intellect, maintained all its sacred and most tender influences over her pure and noble heart. For some time past, moved probably by some unconscious impression of the pastoral attention and kindness of the amiable Father Roche, she had made his house her home; and indeed nothing could exceed the assiduity and care with which she was there watched and tended. Everything that could be done for her was done; but all sympathy and humanity on their part came too late. Week after week her strength wasted away, in a manner that was painfully perceptible to those who felt an interest in her. Her son Ned was still in the country, but had no fixed residence, and merely remained for the purpose of seeing her freed from all her miseries, and laid in her last unbroken sleep beside those whom she had loved so well. On the evening in question, she appeared to be so feeble and exhausted, that the good priest's family did not for a moment imagine that any particular vigilance was necessary. Between six and seven o'clock, then, she had performed the last of those pilgrimages of the heart which time after time had been made by her to the solitary church-yard in the mountains—containing, as it did, the only humble shrine from which her bruised and broken spirit could draw that ideal happiness, of which God in His mercy had not bereft her.

On arriving at the old ruin, she felt so completely enfeebled, that a little rest was absolutely necessary previous to her reaching the graves she came to visit, although they were only a few yards distant from the spot which afforded the poor creature the requisite shelter while recruiting her exhausted powers. At length she arose, and having tottered over to the graves, she sat down, and clasping her hands about her knees, she rocked her body to and fro, as Irish women do when under the influence of strong grief. She then chaunted a verse or two of an old song, whose melancholy notes were not out of keeping with either the scene or the hour; nor an unsuitable burthen for the wild night breeze which wailed through the adjoining ruins in tones that might almost be supposed to proceed from the spirit of death itself, as it kept its lonely watch over those who lay beneath.

"I wonder," said she, "that they do not speak to me before this, for they know I'm here. Ah," she proceeded, "there's his voice!—my white-haired Brian's voice! what is it, 'darling? I'm listenin'!

"'Come, mother, come,' he says, 'we are waitin'!'

"Is it for me, a lanna dhas oge?

"'Yes,' he says, 'for you, mother dear, for you!'

"Well, Brian darlin', I'll come.

"'Yes, come,' he says, 'for we are wait-in'!'

"And," she proceeded, "who is this again? ah, sure I needn't ax; Torley, my heart, I'm here!

"'Come, mother dear,' he says, 'for we are waitin'!'

"Is it for me, my manly son?

"'Yes,' he says, 'for you, mother—mother dear, for you?'

"Well, Torley darlin', I'll come.

"'Yes, come,' he says, 'for we are waitin'?'

"Ah," she proceeded, "here is my own Hugh, my brave husband, that I fought for, what does he say? Whisht!

"'Come, Mary dear—come, the distracted, the lovin,' but the heart-broken—come to us, my fair-haired Mary, for we are waitin'; our hearts love you even 'in heaven, and long for you to be with us.'

"Husband of my heart, I will come; and here sure I feel as you all do in heaven—for there is one thing that nothing can kill, and will never die, that is the light that's in a lovin' wife's heart—the light that shines in a mother's love—Hugh, asthore machree, I'll come, for sure I'm jist ready.

"You are not sick now, Brian," she proceeded; "it isn't the cowld pratee, and the black sickenin' bog water you have there!

"'No, mother dear,' he said, 'but we want you; oh, don't stay away from us, for our hearts long for you.'

"I will come, avillish—sure I'm jist ready. Torley," she proceeded, sustaining a dialogue that proceeded, as it were, out of the accumulated affection of a heart whose tenderness shed its light where that of reason failed,—"Torley, my manly son, your young cheek is not pale now, nor your eye dim—you don't fear the hard-hearted. Agent, nor his bloodhounds, nor the cowld and bitther storm that beat upon your poor head, an' you dyin'—you don't fear them now, my brave boy—you neither feel nor fear any of these things now, Torley, my son!

"'No mother,' he says 'all we want now is to have you wid us. Our hearts long for you, and why do you stay away from us?—Oh! come mother dear, for we're waitin'!'

"Torley, my manly son, I'll come, for I'm jist ready.

"Hugh, husband of my heart, you're not now lyin' sick upon the damp cowld straw, as you war in the cabin on the mountains—your head has no pain now, avick machree—nor is your heart low and sorrowful wid your own illness and our want.—The voices of the Dashers, or Blood-hounds, aren't now in your ears, nor need you be afraid that they will disturb your bed of death—an' distract your poor sowl wid their blasphemin', when you ought to think of God's mercy.—Oh! no, avillish, sure you feel none of that now, Hugh dear?

"'Oh, no,' he says, 'nothing of that do we feel now—nothing of that do we fear. But, come, Mary, oh, come, come to us—and we think the time long till we see you again.'"

These affecting dialogues, or rather "dreams of a broken heart," were literally nothing else than the mere echoes of her own afliction; for it was obvious that the love she felt for her husband and children, unconscious as she then was of it, gave form to the sentiments which her excited imagination had clothed in language that was so highly figurative. For some time she was silent, or muttered to herself such fragments of unconnected language as rose to her fancy—and ultimately laid down her head upon the little grassy mound which constituted their graves. Here she had not lain long, when, overcome by the fatigue of the journey, she closed her eyes, and despite the chilliness of a biting night, sank into an unbroken slumber.

Sleep on, poor sufferer—and let those whose crimes have placed thy distracted head upon that cold and unnatural pillow, reflect that they have a judge to meet, who will, in another life, not overlook the deeds done in this. Who is there who would, even in this thy most pitiable destitution, exchange thy innocent, but suffering spirit, for M'Clutchy's heart, or the dark crimes which it festers.

At length she awoke, but whether it was that the keen and piercing air had cooled the pulsation of her beating brain, or that the restoration to reason, which is called, when applied to the insane—a lightening before death—had taken place, it is impossible to say with anything like certainty. At all events, on awakening, the first sensations she experienced were those of surprise and wonder, and immediately did she feel her mind filled with a train of shocking and fearful reminiscences. Her physical sufferings were also great. She felt benumbed and chilled; her heart was cold, and a shivering sickness ran through her whole frame, with a deadly presage of approaching dissolution. She looked up to the sky, then round her at the graves, and in a moment recognized the burying-place of her husband and children. All the circumstances then connected with the Extermination scene at Drum Dim, and that of the treble death in the mountains, rushed upon her recollection with a force at once vivid and powerful.

"Father of heaven,"* she exclaimed, "I have been driven out of my raison by too much sorrow, and here I am restored to it on the very graves where those that I love!"

* The reader is to remember, that she is supposed to give utterance to all her feelings and sentiments in the Irish language.

She then endeavored to rise, but found on making the attempt, that she had not strength for it. The consciousness of this filled her heart with woe almost unutterable.

"Merciful father," she again exclaimed, "do not—oh, do not suffer me to die on this wild mountain side, far from the face or voice of a human being! There is nothing too powerful for your hand, or beyond your strength or your mercy, to them that put their humble trust in you. Save me, oh, God, from this frightful and lonely death, and do not let me perish here without the consolations of religion! But if it's thy blessed and holy will to let me do so, then it is my duty to submit! Give me strength, then, to bow to thy will, and to receive with faith and thanksgivin' whatever you choose to bestow upon me! And above all things O Lord, grant me a repentant heart, and that my bleak and lonely death-bad may have the light of glory upon it! Grant me this, O God, and I will die happy even here; for where your blessed presence is there can be nothing wantin'."

Her piety and faith in the mercy of God were not without their own reward. The last words were scarcely uttered, when Father Roche, accompanied by her son Ned, advanced to the grave on which she sat. He had been absent on a sick call, and would not have been aware of her escape to the mountains, were it not for her son, who, having met him on his return, requested permission to see her, only for a few minutes, if not too late. The priest granted him so reasonable a request, and it was on seeking for her that the discovery of her absence took place, the rest of the family having been of opinion that she had gone to bed in the early part of the evening, as was mostly her habit. The priest suspected, from her weak state of health and shattered constitution, that such a journey would probably prove fatal, and with his usual discrimination he calculated upon the restoration to reason which actually occurred.

"In that case," said he, "the administration of the last rites will console her on her bed of death, and God forbid that she should depart without them. It is my duty that she shall not."

"Poor woman!" said he, as they approached her, "this chilly night will be a severe trial upon her."

"What wouldn't I give, my dear mother,—oh, what wouldn't I give," said Ned, tenderly taking her hand, "to see your senses restored to you!"

"Thank the Almighty, then!" she returned feebly—"what!—my darling son Ned! and Father Roche! Oh, was I not right in sayin' that there is nothing too powerful for God's strength and love?" she exclaimed; she then kissed her son, who burst into tears, and tenderly embraced her.

"See how unexpectedly He can surround even this cowld death-bed with his mercy."

"Don't say a death-bed", my dear mother, for now that the blight of raison has left you, I hope you'll get new strength."

"I will," she replied, with a feeble but Mournful smile, "I will Ned; but it'll be in heaven with them I love, and that love me. My dear Ned, all my cares are now over—my affections past—I will soon be out of sorrow and out of pain: this heart will suffer no more, and this head will no longer be distracted! Oh, the hopes of heaven, but they're sweet and consolin' on the bed of death!"

"Cherish them, dear Mary," said Father Roche; "for I believe you will soon—very soon indeed—realize them. Her pulse," he added, "is scarcely perceptible, and you hear how very feeble her voice is."

"What are we to do, then?" asked her son; "do you think, my dear mother, that you could bear removal?"

"No—ah, no,"—she replied, "No—I feel that I am going fast—my feet and limbs are like marble, and the cowld is gettin' into my heart."

"Ah, my darling mother," said the son, in tears, "but that was the warm and the lovin' heart!"

Father Roche then having put on his stole, went to her side, and, as is usual in all cases of approaching death, where a priest is in attendance, administered to her the last rites of religion. Here in the mountain solitude did he cheer her departing spirit, as he had that of her husband, with the sustaining hopes of a glorious immortality.

"Now," said she, "I know that I die happy; for here where I couldn't expect it, has the light of God's mercy shone upon me. He has brought my son to my side—He has brought the consolations of religion to my heart, when I was lyin' helpless and alone in this mountain desert. Yes," she said, "I forgive all those who ill-treated both me and mine—and the worst I wish them is, to pray that God may forgive them, and turn their hearts. And now, Hugh, I am ready—Tor-ey, my manly son, and my own Brian, with the fair locks, we'll soon be all united again—and never to part any more—never to part anymore! Ned," said she, "kiss me; you are all I now lave behind me out of my fine family; but God's will be done! I need not bid you," she added, "to bury me here, for I know you will—and I wish you would put little Brian's coffin on mine, in order that my darling child may sleep where I'd have him sleep, until the Resurrection Day—that is, upon this lovin' mother's breast. But what is this?" she asked; "is there a light—a bright light—about me? I feel happy—happy. Oh sure this is the love of God that is to recompense me for all!"

Ned, who had her in his arms, felt her head fall down, and on looking at her, he perceived that she had actually passed away into the happiness of God's love, which, no doubt, diffused its radiance through her spirit that was now made perfect.

"Yes," said Father Roche, wiping his eyes, "a pure and noble spirit has indeed passed from a life of great trial and crushing, calamity into one of glory and immortality. There is a proof, and a consoling proof, of the lustre which so often irradiates the death-beds of the humble classes in Ireland, who die far from the knowledge and notice of the great, whom their toil probably goes to support."

"Yes," replied Ned, bitterly; "it's an aisy thing for Lord Cumber to know what's either good or bad upon his estate—how the people live, or how they die—very aisy, indeed, for a man who never puts a foot on it, but leaves them to the mercy of such villains as M'Clutchy. Had he been livin' on his property, or looked afther it as he ought to do, I don't think it's lyin' stretched, far from house or habitation, that you would be this night, my blessed mother—my poor father, and your childre cut down by persecution, and yourself, without house or home, runnin' an' unhappy, deranged creature about the country, and now lyin' there widout a roof to cover your poor remains."

"Do not say so," replied Father Roche; "she shall be waked in my house, and buried at my expense."

"If you'll allow her to be waked there, I will thank you, Father Eoche; but the expenses of her burial, I am myself able to pay; and so long as I am, you know, I could not suffer any one else to intherfare; many thanks to you, sir, in the meantime."

"Well then," said the priest, "as I know and understand the feeling, I shall not press the matter; but since the body cannot be left without protection, I think you had better go down, and fetch a few neighbors with a door, and let her be removed forthwith. I shall remain till you return."

"It's a very hard thing, Father Roche, that you should be put to sich a duty," replied O'Regan; "but the truth is, I wouldn't take all the money in the King's exchequer, and remain here by myself."

"But I have no such fears," said the priest; "I shall stay within the shelter of this old ruin until your return, which will be as quick, I trust, as possible."

O'Regan was about to start off at the top of his speed; and Father Roche began to walk to and fro the old ruin, struck by the pale moonlight, as it fell through the gray stone windows, loopholes, and breaches of the walls, lighting up some old remnant of human ambition, or perhaps exposing a grinning skull, bleached by time and the elements into that pale white, which is perhaps the most ghastly exponent of death and the dead. At this moment, however, they were each in no small degree startled by the sound of human voices; and, to complete their astonishment, two figures approached the humble grave on which the dead body of Mary O'Regan lay stretched. On turning towards the moon they were both immediately recognized by the priest and O'Regan, who looked on in silence and wonder, and waited to hear, if possible, the object of their visit.

"I say again," said Phil, "I say my jolly ph-foolosophy—eh foolosopher—that is to say, you deal in foolosophy—an ex-excellent trade for a fool—I say again, you have brought me the wrong way, or misled me somehow—upon my honor and reputation, Rimon, I rather think you're short of sense, my man. Come, I say, let us be off home again—what the devil did you bring me to a church-yard for?—eh?"

"Whisht," said Raymond, "let us see—who have we here? Ah," said he, stooping down and feeling the chill of death upon her features, "it is Mary O'Regan, and she's dead—dead!"

"Dead," exclaimed Phil, starting, "curse you, Rimon, let us be off at full speed, I say—Gad, I'm in a nice pickle; and these pistols are of no use against any confounded ghost."

On hearing that Phil carried pistols, O'Regan started, and had it been daylight, a fierce but exulting fire might have been seen to kindle in his eyes.

"What can have brought them here?" asked Father Roche; "I cannot understand their visit at such an hour to such a place as this."

"A few minutes, sir, will make all clear, maybe."

"And what brought poor Mary here to die, do you know?" inquired Raymond; "no you don't," he replied, "but I will tell you—she came to die near poor White-head that she loved so much, and near Torley, and near poor Hugh himself, that the bloodhounds—"

"Damn my honor, Rimon, if I can stand this any longer—I'm off."

"Hould!" said Raymond, with a shout whose echoes rang through the ruins; "you musn't go till you hear me out," and on uttering the words he gripped him by the arm, and led him over to the dead body.

"I'm goin' to tell you myself," proceeded Raymond; "she came to die here that she might be near them—do you onderstand?" and he involuntarily pressed the arm he still held with his huge iron finger, until Phil told him he could not bear the pain. "She came to die here that she mightn't have far to go to them; for you don't know, maybe, that it's on their grave she is now lyin':—ha, ha; that's one. DID YOU EVER SEE A MURDERED WOMAN, CAPTAIN PHIL?"

"Never," replied Phil, who stood passive in his grip.

"Ha, ha, ha," he chuckled, "that's not a good one. Well, but, did you ever see a murdherer?"

"Some o' the blood-hounds pinked fellows, I believe, but then they were only rebels and Pap-papishes."

"Ha, ha," still chuckled Raymond, as he confronted himself by degrees with Phil, "I swore it for poor White-head's sake—and for Mary M'Loughlin's sake—an' for twenty sakes besides."

"God! Rimon, what do you mean?" said Phil, "there's a dreadful look in your eyes Rimon, you are an excellent fellow; but tell me what you mean?"

"To show you a murdherer," he replied; "and now I have one by the throat!"

As he spoke, he clutched him by the neck with a grasp that might strangle a tiger. Then, as before in O'Regan's sheeling, all the fury of the savage came upon him; his eyes blazed fearfully—the white froth of passion, or rather of madness, appeared upon his lips, and his bowlings resembled the roaring of some beast of prey, while tearing up its quivering victim in the furious agonies of protracted hunger. In a moment Phil was down, and truly the comparison of the beast of prey, and his struggling victim, is probably the most appropriate that could be made; when we consider the position of the one writhing helplessly upon the ground, and the other howling in all the insatiable wildness of bloodthirsty triumph over him. So hard and desperate indeed was the tug for life, and so deadly was the immediate sense of suffocation becoming, that Phil, whose eyes were already blinded, and who was only able to utter a low hoarse gurgle, which sounded like the death-rattle in his throat, was utterly unable either to think of or to use his fire-arms. The onset, too, was so quick, that neither Father Roche nor O'Regan had time to render assistance.

"Great heaven," exclaimed the priest, "is the young man, bad and wicked as he is, to be murdered before our eyes by that gigantic idiot!"

He proceeded to the spot just when Raymond was about to repeat, in reality, the imaginary scene with the pillow.

"Ho, ho," he shouted, "give us betther measure—a little more of it—the same tongue never was your own friend, nor the friend of any one else—ha, ha,—ho, ho, ho. There, that's one—take it out o' that, will you?—whoo, hoo—hello, hach, ach!—This for White-head, and this for Mary M'——"

"What's this, Raymond?" said Father Roche, gently laying his hand upon his huge arm, the muscles of which, now strung into almost superhuman strength, felt as hard as oak. "Stop, Raymond," he proceeded, "would you like that work yourself, my good boy?"

"Father Roche!" said Raymond, relaxing his hold more from surprise than anything else.

"If you will take your hand from his throat, Raymond, my good boy, I will tell you where you will get a cock that no other bird in the country could have a chance with. There's a good boy—let him go. Follow me over here, and leave him."

"A cock that cannot be beat?" exclaimed Raymond, starting at once to his feet, "no, but will you?"

"I will tell you where he is," said the priest, "but do not harm him more," pointing to Phil,—"I only trust in God that it is not too late." He stooped to examine Phil's countenance, and indeed the sight was as strongly calculated to excite mirth as disgust. There he lay, his foul tongue projecting out of his mouth, which was open and gasped for wind; his huge goggle eyes, too, had their revolting squint heightened by terror into an expression very like that assumed by a clown when he squints and makes faces at the audience, whilst his whole countenance was nearly black from excess of blood, and the veins about his forehead and temples stood out swollen as if filled with ink.

"Aye, you may look at him," said Raymond—"he is apurty boy now, countin' the stars there. A beauty you were, a beauty you are, and so I leave you!"

"Come over," said Father Roche to O'Regan, "and see if you can render him any assistance. You are stronger."

"Would he know me, do you think?" said O'Regan before he went over.

"At present, certainly not," replied Father Roche; "but he is breathing, and in about eight or ten minutes I hope he will probably recover."

O'Regan went over, loosed his cravat, and stayed with him a few moments, after which he returned to Raymond and the priest, who were now in the ruin.

"I think he will be well enough shortly," he observed, "but the truth is, Raymond, that he wasn't worth your vengeance. I will now go and fetch a few of the neighbors to assist in bringing my poor mother down from this lonely spot, that she may at least have a Christian roof over her."

He accordingly departed, and Father Roche in a few minutes had Phil's mind completely disentangled from the train of dark thoughts and affectionate impulses by which it had been for some time past alternately influenced.

"Raymond," said the priest, "how could you think of committing such a frightful act as murder?"

"Ha, ha!" he replied, "sure i'twas when I thought of Mary M'Loughlin and poor White-head."

"And how did it happen that, of all places in the world, you both came here?"

"Becaise White-head and the rest are here. Sure he thought he was comin' to a poor creature upon no good, and when he was drunk it was aisey to bring him anywhere—ha, ha! that's one too—for I—can manage him."

"I thank the Almighty Father," ejaculated the priest, "that I was able to prevent another murder this night—for most assuredly, Raymond, you would have taken his life."

"Ho, ho!" exclaimed the fool, with a little of his former ferocity, "sure it was for that I brought him here—aye, aye, nothin' else."

"Well, while you live," continued the old man, "never attempt to have the blood of a fellow creature on your soul. I must go over and see how he feels—I perceive he is able to sit up. Young man," he proceeded, addressing Phil, "I render God thanks that I have been instrumental in saving your life this night."

"That's more than I know," replied this grateful youth; "I neither saw nor heard you, if you were."

"It matters not," replied the other, "let me assist you to rise."

"I can rise myself now," said he, getting up and staggering; "I'll transport you and that d——d savage, Rimon the hatter. You are a po-popish priest, and you cannot be he-here at this time of night for much good. Never fear but I'll make you give an account of yourself, my old buck."

The, reader is already aware that Phil had been far advanced in intoxication previously; but when we take into account the fearful throttling he received, and the immense rush of blood which must have taken place to the brain, we need not be surprised that he should relapse into the former symptoms of his intoxication, or, in other words, that its influence should be revived in him, in consequence of the treatment he received.

"I think," continued Phil, "that I have got you and Rimon in my power now, and damn my hon-honor, may be we won't give you a chase a-across the country that'll put mettle into your heels; hip, hip, hurrah! Ay, and may be we won't give big M'—M'Cabe, or M'Flail, a ran that will do him good too, hip, hip—so good—good-night till I see you-you just as you ought to be—knitting your stock-cooking like Biddy O'Doherty; hip!"

He then staggered on homewards, half stupid from the strangulation scene, and very far removed from sobriety, in consequence of the copious libations of brandy he had swallowed in the course of the day and evening.

"Good night, Captain Phil," cried Raymond after him; "when will you come to the hills to meet Bet M'Cracken again?—Ha ha there now, that's one."

"Poor infatuated young man," exclaimed Father Roche; "if you were not so completely an object of contempt, you would surely be one of compassion. May God in his mercy pity and relieve the unfortunate people whose destinies, domestic comforts, and general happiness, are to such an extent in the keeping of men like you and your wretched father—men who breathe an atmosphere rank with prejudices of the worst description, and hot with a spirit of persecution that is as free from just policy as it is from common sense! When will this mad spirit of discord between Christians—mad, I call it, whether it poison religion, politics, or inflame religion—be banished by mutual charity, and true liberty, from our unhappy country? and when will the rulers of that country learn that most important secret, how to promote the happiness of the people without degradation on the one hand, or insolent triumph on the other?"

O'Regan's return with the neighbors from the lower country, was somewhat, and yet not much, more protracted than Father Roche had expected. Considering everything, however, there was little time lost, for he had brought about a dozen and a half of the villagers with him. Having reached the cold bed where she lay, and where all her affections had dwelt, they placed her upon a door, and having covered her body with a cloak brought for the purpose, the little solitary procession directed their steps to that humble roof which had been, ever since Father Roche occupied it, a sheltering one to destitution, and poverty, and repentance.

As they began to move away, O'Regan said—

"Excuse me for a few minutes—I wish to go back to the spot where my father and brothers sleep; that surely is but natural, and I will soon overtake you."

They then proceeded, and he remained at the graves of his relatives. He stood over them in silence for many minutes, keeping his face covered with his hands. At length he knelt down and sobbed out aloud.

"Father," said he, "I have fulfilled my oath—Torley, I have fulfilled my oath—Brian, my sweet and fair-haired child—your brother, when none was left to do you justice but myself, has fulfilled his oath. Listen to me and rest quiet in your, graves. The oppressor is no more—the scourge of the poor—the persecutor—the robber that trampled upon all law—that laughed at justice—that gave vent to his bad passions, because he knew that there was neither law, nor justice in the country to protect people like you or to punish himself;—that oppressor—that scourge of the poor—that persecutor—that robber, is this night sent to his account by my hand—for by no other had such a right to fall.—Sleep quiet and contented in your graves my father—and Torley and poor Brian! As we had no law for us in this country—I was his law—I was his justice—and so may God prosper me, if there is not a heavy load taken off of my heart by the fate that has come on the villain by my hand!"

He spoke these words m tears and deep sobs after which he composed himself, so that he might appear in his usual mood, that of simple grief, on rejoining his companions.

The morning of the following day, the town, and neighborhood of Castle Cumber were in a state of extraordinary excitement and tumult.

"Valentine M'Clutchy, Esq.," said the True Blue, "the excellent and humane Agent of the Castle Cumber property, was most barbarously shot dead in his parlor, about ten o'clock on the previous night. By this diabolical act, the poor of that admirably managed property," continued his brother Orangeman, "have lost, &c, &c."

But it is really sickening to read these unprincipled vindications of the scoundrels who drive the people into crime and bloodshed by their rack-renting and oppression. It is time that honest men should speak out, and fasten upon these scourges of their country, their proper appellative. To this murder, as to others of a similar character, there never was any clew found; notwithstanding the large rewards that were subscribed by the gentry of the county and by government. Phil was too drunk the evening before to remember anything distinctly. His pistols were never found, nor was any other discovery made which could fasten even suspicion on any particular individual.

If Phil, however, were drunk the night before his father's death, he was sober enough the night after it. On that night there was not a hill head on all the Castle Cumber estate which had not its bonfire and its rejoicing—for the re-appointment of Mr. Hickman to the agency. It might, however, be observed in-general—and it is frightful to be forced to record such a surfeit of things—that the tenantry, one and all appeared to feel a singular complacency of temper on the occasion—a strong sense as it were, of great relief—a revival of good spirits—a cherishing of rational hope—associated with dreams of domestic comfort, reasonable indulgence, sympathy, and common justice.



Such was the end of Valentine M'Clutchy—and as we have only one other fact in connection with him to record, we may as well record it here. On the morning after his death, his mother, Kate Clank, was found dead on the steps of Castle Cumber gaol, whither, it would seem, she had come, as if from a principle of early recollection, to the spot where she had first drawn her breath in innocence; and who can tell, or will any one dare to say, that she died in guilt, or unforgiven? That is only known to God, by whom she was to be judged.



CHAPTER XXXI.—Richard Topertoe and his Brother

—Lord Cumber's Duel—Shot by Hartley—Dies in the Vindication of a tyrannical Principle—Marriage of Harman and Mary O'Loughlin—Solomon struck off the roll—Handsome Compliment to the Judge—Solomon's Death—Dances the Swaggering Jig—Lucre's Virtues and Christian Death.

The Honorable Richard Alexander Topertoe, for he was sometimes called the one and sometimes the other, but most frequently Richard, had been for several years on the continent, where he found it more economical to reside than at home. A circumstance connected with a gambling debt of his brother's; communicated by a friend, brought him suddenly to London, where he arrived in time to save his brother's reputation and fortune, and most probably his life, for Lord Cumber, be it known, was very nearly what is termed a professed duelist. Having succeeded in saving his brother from being fleeced by a crew of aristocratic black-legs, and thereby rendered an appeal to the duello unnecessary, he happened to become acquainted with a very wealthy merchant, whose daughter, in the course of a few months, he wooed and won. The thing in fact is common, and has nothing at all of romance in it. She had wealth and beauty; he had some title. The father, who passed off to a different counting-house, about a couple of months after their marriage, left him and her to the enjoyment of an immense property in the Funds; and sooth to say, it could not have got into better hands. She was made the Honorable Mrs. Richard Topertoe, and if a cultivated understanding, joined to an excellent and humane heart, deserved a title, in her person they did. After his arrival in London he had several conversations with his brother, whose notions with regard to property he found to be of the cool, aristocratic, and contemptuous school; that is to say, he did not feel himself bound to neglect the pleasures and enjoyments of life, and to look after his tenants. It was enough that he received their rents, and paid a sensible Agent to collect them. What more could he do? Was he to become their slave?

Richard, who now felt quite anxious to witness the management of his brother's estate—if only for the purpose of correcting his bad logic upon the subject of property, came over incognito to the metropolis, accompanied by his wife; and it was to his brother, under the good-humored sobriquet of Spinageberd, that he addressed the letters recorded in these volumes. He also had a better object in view, which was to purchase property in the country, and to reside on it. That he did not succeed in rooting out of Lord Cumber's mind his senseless prejudices with respect to the duties of a landlord, was unfortunately none of his fault. All that man could do, by reasoning, illustration, and remonstrance, he did; but in vain; the old absurd principle of the landlord's claims upon his tenantry, Lord Cumber neither could nor would give up; and having made these necessary observations, we proceed with our narrative.

Better than a week had now elapsed; M'Clutchy had been interred with great pomp—all the Orangemen of the neighboring districts having attended "his honored and lamented remains" to the grave, each dressed in his appropriate Orange costume. The provincial chaplain, remarkable for singing his own songs, had been engaged to preach his funeral sermon, which he did with a force of eloquence and pathos that literally brought the tears of those who were acquainted with Val's virtues down their cheeks—but of none else. He dwelt with particular severity upon those who had kindled bonfires, and hung his respectable son, "our esteemed brother, Captain Phil, in effigy; whilst the sacred remains of that father whom he loved so well, and who so well deserved his love, and the love of all who had the pleasure and happiness of his acquaintance, &c, &c, were not yet cold."

All this, we say, had taken place, and our friend Hartley was seated quietly at his breakfast one morning, when a gentleman named Fenton waited upon him, on the part of Lord Cumber. After the usual salutations, Mr. Fenton opened the business on which he had come.

"I regret, Mr. Hartley, that there should be any misunderstanding between you and Lord Cumber."

"Not more so than I do, Mr. Fenton, I assure you; Lord Cumber, I presume, has arrived then? But pardon me, have you breakfasted?"

"Thank you, sir, I have breakfasted. He has arrived, sir, and, requested me, to wait upon you for an apology. It appears, according to my instructions, as the lawyers say, that you have charged him with holding and exercising tyrannical principles as a landlord; now this, you know, is really a thing that a man like him could not overlook."

"Of course, Mr. Fenton, he placed our correspondence in your hands."

"Unquestionably he submitted it to me, previous to my consenting to act."

"And may I ask your own opinion, Mr Fenton?"

"As an extensive landed proprietor, Mr. Hartley, I must say that I agree with him; I think a landlord has a right to demand every kind of support from his tenant, and that if the tenant claims the privilege of running counter to his landlord's interest, then the landlord is justified in removing the tenant off his property as soon as he can."

"In that case, then," replied Hartley, "I have no concession to make, and no apology to offer. I regret this business very much; but Lord Cumber places me in a position which I cannot leave without dishonor."

"He also wishes to have an explanation with respect to the circumstances which induced so many of his corps of yeomanry to enroll their names in your new troop."

"I have explained that already, by stating that I never solicited any of his men to join my troop; they came of their own free will, and I received them, and certainly will receive as many as come to us under similar circumstances."

"Then I suppose you will not cause them to withdraw from your troop, as Lord Cumber insists on."

"Insists on! Will he allow neither the tenant nor the yeoman the use of his free will, Mr. Fenton? I see nothing now remains but to refer you to my friend, Captain Ormsby, who will assist you in making all the necessary arrangements; and the sooner this unpleasant matter is terminated; the better."

After bidding each other good morning, Mr. Fenton departed to make, as Hartley termed them, "the necessary arrangements."

The next morning at day-break, in a paddock about two miles from Castle Cumber, there stood a very elegant young man, of a high and aristocratic bearing, accompanied by Mr. Fenton, to whom he appeared to be relating some pleasant anecdote, if one could judge by the cheerful features of the narrator, and the laughter of his companion. A carriage stood by a kind of scalp in the road, which carriage contained a medical man, who, indeed, was present with great reluctance. In a few minutes a gig, containing two persons, drove to the same spot at a rapid pace, a gentleman on horseback accompanying it; these were Mr. Hartley, his friend, Captain Ormsby, and a medical gentleman, whom he also had brought on the occasion.

On meeting the two principals bowed politely, addressing each other in friendly terms, and were actually advancing to shake hands, when they mutually checked themselves, and Hartley, smiling, said:—

"My Lord, I fear that this is really a foolish business—why, it is literally fighting a duel upon abstract principles."

"It is fighting a duel upon a principle, which, either abstract or not, I will always support. If, however, you wish to avoid a duel, Mr. Hartley, you have only to withdraw the offensive term you applied to the principle in question."

"As soon, my Lord, as you renounce the principle itself."

"Enough," said Lord Cumber, "gentlemen, please to let us take our ground."

Nothing could surpass the coolness, the ease of manner, and fine bearing of both. The ground was measured at twelve paces, and it was agreed by the seconds, from principles of humanity, that they should fire by signal. Indeed, we may say here, that the seconds did everything that men so circumstanced could do, to prevent the necessity of fighting. Each, however, was high-minded and courageous, and knowing that his opponent was remarkable for bravery and success as a duellist, refused to make any concession. They accordingly took their grounds, resolved to abide the event.

Having been placed, the seconds, previous to their agreement as to the signal to be given, withdrew a little, so as to be completely out of hearing. While discussing this point, a circumstance occurred worthy of notice, and, we must say, the high-minded courage which it manifested ought to have restrained Lord Cumber, as a man of honor, from turning a pistol against Hartley on the occasion. Both were standing, as we have said, awaiting the signal to fire, when Hartley said:—

"My Lord Cumber a word with you."

"It is too late, Mr. Hartley," replied that nobleman; "I am on my ground."

"It is not an apology, my Lord," replied the other smiling; "but really, as a man of honor, I cannot fight you as we stand at present: we are not upon equal terms."

"Speak to your second, sir," said his opponent.

"You perceive he happens to be engaged just now," rejoined Hartley; "but, in fact, the communication can as well be made to your lordship; I have just observed, my Lord, that the bullet of your pistol has dropped out, and I believe, if you will take the trouble to look upon the ground, you will see it at your feet; your second, I presume, has forgot to put in wadding."

"Mr. Hartley," replied Lord Cumber, "I always believed you to be a gentleman, and a man of bravery; I feel it now, and whatever the event of this meeting may be, I shall render you ample justice. I thank you, sir, for that act of true courage and honor." At length the bullet was restored to its place, and the seconds drew aside to give the signal, which was letting fall a white handkerchief, when each was immediately to fire.

How short a span there is between life and eternity! There they stood, both in high health and strength, full of the world, and the world's spirit, and yet in how brief a space was one of them to appear before the judgment-seat of God!

At length the signal was given, the handkerchief fell, two shots were heard, one instantly following the other. Hartley having fired, dropped his pistol hand by his side, whilst Lord Cumber raised his left hand to his breast, or rather was in the act of raising it, when he fell, gathered up his knees to his chin, and immediately stretching out his limbs at full length, was a corpse: thus dying as he did, in the maintenance of an unjust and tyrannical principle. And so passed away, by an untimely death, a man who was not destined to be a bad character. His errors as a man—a private nobleman—we do not canvass any farther than as they affected his duties as a landlord. His errors as a landlord were the errors of his time, and represented the principles of his class. These were contempt for, and neglect of, the condition and comforts of his tenantry, of the very individuals from whose exertions and straggles he derived his support. Strange, indeed, it is that men placed as his lordship was, should forget a principle, which a neglect of their duties may one day teach them to their cost—that principle is the equal right of every man to the soil which God has created for all. The laws of agrarian property are the laws of a class, and it is not too much to say, that if the rights of this class to legislate for their own interests were severely investigated, it might appear upon just and rational principles that the landlord is nothing more nor less than a pensioner upon popular credulity, and lives upon a fundamental error in society created by the class to which he belongs. Think of this, gentlemen, and pay attention to your duties.

Whilst Lord Cumber, who never communicated a syllable touching the duel with Hartley to his brother, was engaged in that mortal conflict, as it unhappily turned out to be, the Honorable Richard Topertoe was engaged in a far different occupation. On that same morning, in Castle Cumber church, he had the pleasure of giving away the hand of Mary M'Loughlin to her lover, Harman, and it was on their return from her father's house, after having witnessed their subsequent marriage by Father Roche, that he met his brother's carriage containing his dead body. Richard Topertoe possessed a mind above an empty title, and, perhaps, there lived not a man who more sincerely deplored the event which made him Lord Cumber, and put him in possession of a property which he did not require.

Our chronicles draw to a close. The contemplated interview between Mrs. Lenehan, her brother, and Solomon, never in fact took place. Solomon fell very seasonably into ill health, and could be seen by nobody, except his physician, who was nearly as religious as himself, and besides, a member of his own congregation. In the trust, however, which the widow placed in Solomon, she was, to use his own language, abundantly justified, as the event proved. Honest Solomon defrauded her out of the money, and had the satisfaction of reflecting that he reduced her and her family to beggary. Breach of trust it appears is a very slight thing in the eye of the law, and Solomon, encouraged by this consideration, ruined the unfortunate widow and her orphans. This act of gross, unprincipled robbery was, however, not unpunished. In about a month after he had perpetrated it, the following scene occurred in the Court of King's Bench, in presence of many who will have little difficulty in bringing it to their recollection. A thin, pale-faced man, far gone apparently in serious illness, supported on each side by a religious friend who had not given him up, one of them by the way was a Scotchman, and a far greater knave and hypocrite than himself—approached the table, and requested permission to address the Court, previous to the exercise of its jurisdiction in striking him off the Roll of Attornies. This permission was granted, and Solomon, for it was he, spoke briefly as follows:—

"My Lord, you see before you a frail sinner, who will soon appear before a greater and more awful tribunal than yours. I am not here, my Lord, to defend an act to which I was prompted by—may I be permitted to say so—by my very virtues. Some men, my Lord, we ruined by excellent qualities, and some by those which are the reverse. As touching mine, my Lord, and the principles upon which—but an explanation on this subject would not become me. Oh, no, my Lord; but your lordship sees these tears; your lordship sees this weak, feeble, and emaciated frame. You perceive, in fact, my Lord, that I am scarcely a subject for the severity of this or any other court. In the meantime, may I be prepared to meet a greater, a more awful one! May that be granted, my Lord! oh, may He grant it! I am very feeble, my Lord, but still able to entreat that your lordship will temper justice with mercy. About a month ago, my Lord, when I little apprehended the occurrence which—but may His will be done! My honesty is known, my Lord; it is known there, pointing up—about a month ago, I say, I had my last child baptized by—I am ashamed to tell your lordship what name, lest you might imagine that I done so for the purpose of biasing your judgment in the—No, my Lord, I will add nothing to the simple fact—I had my last child baptized by the name of Richard Pennywinkle M'Slime—a circumstance which fills my heart with sentiments of joy and gratification up to this moment. And I am not depressed—-far from it. This, my Lord, is a trial, and I know, for I feel, that it is good for me to be tried, inasmuch as it is a proof that I am cared for THERE!" and he pointed again upwards as he spoke.

The judge, who was a kind-hearted and humane man, was melted even unto tears which he could with difficulty restrain whilst he spoke.

"Unhappy man," said he, "I have been for several years in the habit of dispensing law—"

"Justice, you mean, my Lord," said Solomon; "oh, justice, justice, or rather mercy, my Lord! little of law have you ever dispensed! Oh, little of law—but much of justice. May He be praised for it! amen, amen!"

"Your case, unhappy man, is one which places me in a peculiarly painful position indeed. The compliment you were good enough to pay me—I mean that of calling your child after me—makes me feel as if in addressing you I was—" here he sobbed and wiped his eyes bitterly, and was about to proceed, when Widow Lenehan's counsel rose up, and said:—

"My Lord, it is really too bad that hypocrisy should continue its impositions even to the last act of the drama. I feel it my duty to disabuse your lordship in this matter of naming the child after you. Perhaps the compliment will be considerably diminished, if not absolutely reversed, when you come to know, my Lord, that the child which bears your lordship's name—if it does bear it—is an illegitimate one, and very unworthy, indeed, my Lord of bearing such an honored name as yours."

The judge had been shedding tears for Solomon's calamities during this address, but it is almost unnecessary to say that the change from the benevolent and pathetic to the indignant was as fine a specimen as ever was given of the ludicrous.

"Do you mean to tell me," said the judge, the whole features of his face in a state of transition that was perfectly irresistible; "do you mean to tell me that the child which the wretched! man had the insolence to name after me, was not born in wedlock.

"My Lord," said Solomon, "this is a subject on which aided by my great namesake the wisest of—"

"The decision of the court," continued the judge, "is, that your name be struck off the list of Attornies who practice here."

In the course of about six weeks afterwards might be read, in all the metropolitan papers, the following announcement: "Died of deep decline in the forty-eighth year of his age, Solomon M'Slime, Esq., Attorney-at-Law. Indeed we are bound to say, that for the last and most exemplary portion of his life, he ought rather to have been termed Attorney-at-Gospel. We are glad to hear, for the sake of his interesting family, that his life was insured for the sum of two thousand pounds, which has been paid to them."

About four months after Solomon's death, an American vessel was lying at the Pigeon House, waiting for the tide. Several of the passengers were assembled in Mrs. Thumbstall's tavern—previous to the departure of the brig—where, as was then usual, they amused themselves by drinking punch and dancing. Among them was a little thin fellow, dressed in a short frieze coat, striped waistcoat, corduroy breeches, and stout brogues; beside him sat a comely, youthful, but somewhat prim female, dressed as a plain peasant girl. The moment the floor became vacant, the little frieze-coated fellow got to his legs, accompanied by the female, and addressed the musician as follows:

"My good friend, there is—is much cheerfulness in thy music, for which reason this young person and I will trouble you to play us that sustaining psalm—I mean that blessed air called the Swaggering Jig, which is really a consoling planxtic—come, Susanna."

Good by, Solomon, thou art now gone to that land of true liberty, and sorry are we to say, that thou has left so many who are so much worse than thyself behind thee! One of the most virtuous acts of thy life was the defrauding the Spiritual Railway Assurance office of two thousand pounds upon the fiction of thy death; which, truth to say, was a very bitter fiction to them.

Our chronicles are closed. Need we say that Richard Topertoe, on gaining the title and estate, became a resident landlord, and is at this day enjoying a green and happy old age upon one of the best managed properties in Ireland, where his tenantry are grateful, prosperous, and happy. Mary M'Loughlin, her husband, and family, lived happily, as they deserved to live, and some, of them live yet, and will easily recognize themselves in these pages.

Of Phil, we must say a word or two. On finding himself the uncontrolled inheritor of his father's ill-gotten wealth, he accelerated his progress in drunkenness and profligacy. He took to the turf, became a gambler and spendthrift, and went backwards in squandering his fortune through as unprincipled a course as his father pursued in making it. From step to step he came down until nothing was left. Having no manly principle to sustain him, he fell from one stage of rascality and meanness to another, until he succeeded at length in getting himself appointed as an under turnkey in Castle Cumber Gaol. A whisper has gone abroad, that upon a critical occasion when the Sheriff, owing to the death of a certain functionary essential to the discharge of his duty, felt himself considerably at a loss, he found in one of the under turnkeys a convenient substitute.

The living of Castle Cumber, left vacant by the promotion of Mr. Lucre to a Bishopric, was given to an Englishman, as was then the practice, and would be now, were it not for the influence of common shame and public opinion.

Mr. Clement opened an Academy in Castle Cumber, and succeeded; for he thought it a wiser thing to live by teaching a school, than to suffer his large family and himself to starve by the gospel.

We now beg to close, by a paragraph from the True Blue:—

"Elevation of the Rev. Dr. Lucre to the See of ———

"For many years a duty at once so painful and so delightful, has not devolved upon us as a public journalist. The elevation of the Right Rev., Father in God,, Phineas Lucre to the See of ———, is a dispensation to our Irish Establishment which argues the beneficent hand of a wise and overruling Providence. In him we may well say, that another bright and lustrous star is added to that dark, but beautiful galaxy, in the nether heavens above us, which is composed of our blessed Bishops. The diocese over which he has been called by the Holy Spirit to preside, will know, as they ought, how to appreciate his learning and attainments. But what shall we say of the poor of Castle Cumber, to whom he has been such a kind, meek, charitable, and consoling dispenser of God's gifts and God's word? At the bed of death, of disease, of poverty—at every post, no matter how poor, low, neglected, or how dangerous—there was he to be found, the champion of God—fighting his battles in peace, self-denial, and charity. It is true, he is not an Irishman; but is it not a blessed thing that such links of love as he, and of those who resemble him, should continue to bind the virtues of the two churches, and the two countries together? His Lordship was consecrated on last Sunday, by that Right Rev. and blessedly facetious prelate, Archbishop Drapely, who, in addition to his other evangelical gifts, is said to be a perfect Toler in canonicals. It is not often that so much piety proceeds from so comic a source."

Our readers can scarcely forget the circumstances of Mr. Lucre's departure out of this wicked, ungodly, and sensual world. About eight years ago, or less, he died in a very pious fit of apoplectic passion, brought on by his cook, in consequence of that important functionary having neglected the apostolic duty of dressing a haunch of venison, we presume, upon scriptural authority. We regret to say, for the sake of the Church, and the loss which she sustained in consequence, that the haunch in question was considerably overdone—a fact which one would scarcely imagine could have produced such important results upon the religion of the country as it did by his death.

With respect to Counsellor Browbeater, we have only to say, that the government of that period, having got out of him all the dirty work of which he was capable, felt extremely anxious to get rid of him as easily and safely as they could. Browbeater, however, who was a most insatiable leech, stuck to them, knowing that they could not well discharge him without a character. He was made a master in chancery, and had the honor of succeeding old Tom Silver, a lawyer, a gentleman, an orator, and a man of honor and integrity! And only think of Browbeater succeeding such an office, as excellent, respected, and admirable Tom Silver left behind him!

THE END

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