Even if it wasn't paid for, I knew by right that I owned half of that shirt.

When he did return he brought good news.

He had spent over an hour with a furnishing-goods dealer, "squaring him up" so as to buy some things on credit.

When asked with what luck, he answered:

"Well, I ordered six shirts, six pairs of socks, two dozen linen collars, one dozen pairs linen cuffs, and one dozen handkerchiefs, with instructions to send them to the hotel office, and Mr. Johnston would send them a check in a day or two," and added that the goods would be delivered that evening.

"But, Frank," I said, "you will get us into trouble. How can we fix the check business? You know I can't send them one. It'll make us trouble, sure."

"Very well, it can't make us any worse trouble than we are having. As for myself, I'd rather go to jail with a shirt on, than to sit here in this dingy, gloomy old room half of my time without any."

"Yes," I said, "that's so. I'd rather go on the chain-gang for thirty days, than go through another such an ordeal as this."

The goods were not sent as promised, and we spent a very restless night.

I dreamed of arriving home without any shirt on, and in my dream heard my mother's voice saying: "Well, I am really glad you reached home with your pants on," while Mr. Keefer remarked: "It does beat the d——l!"

Frank dreamed he was in attendance at a swell entertainment, and suddenly discovered the absence of his shirt.

I insisted that Frank should not sleep in the shirt, in order to keep it clean as long as possible, and to keep peace he laid it off when retiring. In the morning I was the first one up, and proceeded to put it on.

As I was passing through the hall on my way to breakfast, I met the chambermaid. She smiled and asked if we made a practice of sparring every day.

I replied: "We always take our regular exercises."

She said: "How nice it is to be rich. Just see how much pleasure you gentlemen take in your every-day amusements, while people like us have to work hard, and never have any pleasure."

I told her that we always had great times, wherever we were. She said she guessed that was so.

After breakfast I returned to the room, and let Frank have the shirt to wear to breakfast; after which he came in with a large package containing his order.

I lost no time in getting into a shirt, and, in fact, to tell the truth, we each put on three shirts, for fear that some unforeseen accident might occur. I might also add that we resolved when we put those shirts on, that no outside one should ever be taken off unless it was actually soiled.

The old adage, "Misfortunes never come singly," was well illustrated in our case; for before night I was interviewed by the landlord in quite an unexpected manner. While standing near the wash-room he came rushing up to me, and calling me to one side, said:

"Johnston, I want to ask a little favor of you."

"Very well, landlord; I'll be glad to grant it, if I can. What is it?"

"Well, I want to ask you to loan me twenty-five dollars for just two days, and I will——"

"Well, landlord," I interrupted, "I'd let you have it, but——"

"Well, now, look here, Johnston, don't think I am dunning you,—don't think I am afraid of you," he hurriedly explained.

"Oh, no," said I. "I understand that, landlord, but I'll tell you how it is; you see——"

"Don't think I am dunning you, Johnston, don't think that, for I'll hand it right back to you in a day or two," he again assured me.

"That's all right," I said, "that's all right. I was going to say, I'd let you have it in a minute, if I had it; but I haven't got it."

"Well! how much have you?" He asked in a much-surprised manner.

"I'll tell you all about it," I answered. "When we arrived here, nearly six weeks ago, we had about two dollars left, after buying each of us a shirt; and I don't think we have over twenty cents between us, just at present."

He gazed at me in silence for a moment, and then said:

"What on earth am I going to do?"

"Well, indeed, I don't know; but perhaps you can borrow it from some friend of yours; at any rate, it won't do any harm to try."

"No, but, I mean what am I going to do about your board bill?"

"Oh, I see. Oh, well, landlord, you needn't worry about that. We are well pleased with your accommodations, and haven't the slightest thought of quitting you."

"Yes; but the longer you stay the worse I am off," said he.

"Well, I can't see how you make that out. The longer we stay the more we will owe you."

"Exactly so, and that's where the trouble lies."

"Well, the more we owe you the more you will have coming," I suggested; "and I'll just say this: That we have been traveling over a large scope of country, and yours is one of the best hotels we have ever stopped at; and I'll give you my word as a gentleman that we'll never leave till our bill is settled."

"But, —— it!" He ejaculated. "I tell you the longer you stay the worse I am off, and the harder it will be to settle."

"But," said I, "you don't understand the nature of our business. If you did you would know that it would be as easy for us to pay a large bill as a small one." I then added:

"Rest assured, landlord, that until this bill is paid in full—one hundred cents on the dollar—you can always count on two Star boarders."

We then stared at each other for about two minutes, when he began to laugh, and said:

"Well, you're a dandy! Come and take a drink."

"No, thank you; I never drink."

"Take a cigar, then."

"I never smoke, landlord."

"Well, what on earth do you do? I'd like to show my appreciation of the style of man you are, by treating or doing something to please you."

"Then I'll tell you what you can do, landlord; while you are out borrowing the twenty-five dollars, suppose you make it about forty, and let us have the fifteen to settle up our wash bill, and pay a little bill we owe across the road."

And to show him the necessity of helping us out, I plainly told him the facts about how we had been getting our laundry, and our experience of the previous day.

He laughed till he fell on the floor; and then took me to his wife's apartments and asked me to relate the circumstances to her two lady friends.

He borrowed the fifteen dollars for us, and said we should make ourselves comfortable, which we were glad to do. We then relieved ourselves of the two extra shirts each, and again settled down to business.

Our papers at last arrived from Washington, and we began closing up a few trades we had been working up. They were mostly small ones, however, and usually for collaterals which we were obliged to convert into money at a sacrifice.

Finally we dealt for a horse and carriage, which was turned over to the landlord as settlement for board, and which he was just then in need of. After paying back the fifteen dollars he had loaned us, we took our departure.



CHAPTER XV.

OUR VISIT TO LA GRANGE, IND.—TRADED FOR A HORSE—FOLLOWED BY AN OFFICER, WITH A WRIT OF REPLEVIN—PUTTING HIM ON THE WRONG SCENT—HIS RETURN TO THE HOTEL—THE HORSE CAPTURED—BROKE AGAIN—HOW I MADE A RAISE.

Our next trade was made near La Grange, Ind., with a man by the name of Dodge. I remember the name on account of having read an article in a Sturgis, Mich., paper, wherein it stated that two patent-right men had recently dodged into La Grange, and after dodging around Mr. Dodge had dodged him out of a valuable horse, with which they dodged over to Michigan. This statement was perhaps correct enough, with the exception of its reference to our dodging over into Michigan, as though we did it to evade the Indiana laws. This was by no means the case, for we were authorized agents for the patentee, and always did a strictly legitimate business, even if we were, at times, "a little short financially."

We took the horse over to Sturgis to try and sell him, stopping at the Elliott House. Mr. Elliott, Proprietor, has since become one of my most intimate friends, and is now running a hotel at Ludington, Michigan.

As we were sitting out in front of the Hotel, talking, one morning, I noticed a stranger coming towards us, carrying a pitch-fork and band-cutter in one hand, and in the other a large paper.

Mr. Elliott remarked:

"There comes Mr. Dodge's son, now. Guess he is going out peddling your patent."

I "supposed so."

This was not the case, however, for as he stepped up to Mr. Elliott he inquired for Johnston, and when I was pointed out to him he made a tender of the deed and model, and demanded the horse in turn.

I of course refused, whereupon he threatened to replevy, and at once returned to his lawyer's office.

At that moment a lawyer came up where we were, and Mr. Elliott helped me to lay the case before him as quickly and plainly as possible, when he advised that the best way for me, was to get the horse out of the county, where their papers would be of no avail. I immediately saddled the animal and started towards Branch County, taking a rather circuitous route for Burr Oak. I took dinner at Fawn River, with a Mr. Buck, an old acquaintance of my "mother-in-law."

Of course "mother-in-law" acquaintances were just as good as any, at this stage of the game. I rode into Burr Oak just at dark, supposing it to be in Branch County. After registering at the hotel and putting my horse out, I took supper; and then began looking about for a buyer. I very soon discovered that I was being shadowed, by a gentleman wearing a wooden leg.



Upon inquiry, I learned that he was the Honorable Marshal of the town. To note his manner one would have thought that he had corralled a Jesse James. I didn't worry much, however, because I knew I could out-run any wooden-legged man in Michigan.

I then went over to the telegraph office and introduced myself to its occupant as a brother operator. He invited me inside the office, and asked me to make myself at home.

A few moments later the ten-o'clock train arrived from the west, and immediately after its departure the operator said he would have to go down the track and attend to his switch-light, and requested me to remain there till he returned.

During his absence a gentleman came to the office window, and very excitedly inquired if I was the operator. I said:

"Don't I look like one? What can I do for you, sir?"

"Well, see here: Has there been a young fellow here this evening by the name of Johnston, sending messages to his wife, or to any one else?"

"Yes, sir, he was telling me about a patent-right trade he had made for a horse. Guess he told me all about it."

"Where is he now, I wonder?" was his next query.

"Come with me. I'll show you right where to find him."

I then led the way up street, and in the meantime questioned him as to his business. He said he wanted to serve a writ of replevin and take the horse. I then asked if he had papers that would do for Branch County. He said he didn't need Branch County papers, as Burr Oak was in St. Joseph County.

This was most depressing news to me; but I walked along till I came to a street running north, when I stopped, and pointing in that direction, said:

"Now you go to the very last house on the left-hand side of this street, and inquire for Johnston. If they say he isn't there, you force your way into the house. Don't leave till you get in; and there's no one here who wouldn't be only too glad to see that family come up with by a good sharp detective. Now don't fail to get in, for there you will find your man."

He thanked me several times, and after shaking hands with me, started on the run.

I then hurried to the hotel and ordered my horse, which the landlord refused to let me have, saying that notice had been served on him to keep it locked up.

I sat down to await the coming of the great detective.



He soon made his appearance, and more resembled a tramp than the polished official of a few moments before. It was plainly evident to me that he had made a desperate attempt to follow my instructions. One-half of the skirt of his Prince Albert coat was entirely missing; no hat, a piece torn from the seat of his pants, only half of his linen collar left to grace his neck, and a single linen cuff to decorate his two wrists; one sleeve of his coat in rags, one of his pant legs fringed out, the perspiration running off him like rain-water, and one eye closed. He came in panting and puffing and roaring like a lion.

"Find me a Justice of the Peace, at once! I'll arrest the whole gang!"

"Arrest what gang? Who are you alluding to?" asked the landlord.

"Why, that gang up north here. I'll arrest the whole mob, and shoot that dog if I get killed for it!"

"Well, I supposed you were looking for Johnston?"

"Well, so I am; but they have him down there stowed away, and a whole regiment of soldiers wouldn't be able to get in, unless that dog is put out of the way. And that pesky old woman looks more like the devil than a human being. I wouldn't venture back there alone for the whole north half of Michigan!"

"But isn't this the man you want?" pointing to me.

"The devil, no. What do I want of the telegraph operator? I want Johnston, but I'd give more for that —— old woman's scalp and that dog's life than I would for a dozen Johnstons and all the horses in the state, and I——"

"But," interrupted the landlord, "this isn't the operator; this is Johnston,—or at least, he's the man who rode the horse here."

"The dickens he is!" shrieked the officer. "This is the man who sent me up there, and—"

"Did you get in?" I asked, insinuatingly.

"Get in? I want you to understand this is no joke, sir!" said he, as he came towards me in a threatening manner. "And if you're Johnston you ought to have your heart cut out. Look at me, look at me, sir: Do you think there is anything funny about this?"

"Well, I thought I'd give you a little sharp detective work to do before capturing my horse, so you would have something wonderful to relate when you arrived home."

"Then you're the man I want, are you?"

"Yes, sir, I suppose I am; but really, my friend, I didn't suppose you were going to lose all your clothes, and get completely knocked out and so thoroughly demoralized. How did it all happen?"

"Oh, you're too —— funny! It's none of your —— business how it all happened. I'll get even with you. I'm sorry I haven't a warrant for your arrest, instead of a writ of replevin for a horse, —— you!"

"See here; don't you —— me, sir, or I'll finish you up right here, in less than one minute!"

He then quieted down, and after serving the writ, took possession of the horse, before leaving for Sturgis. However, he spent nearly an hour in mending his clothes, patching up his nose and face, and dressing the slight flesh-wounds on his hands and arms, after which he borrowed a hat, and as I supposed, returned to Sturgis with the horse.

I remained over night at the hotel, although I was completely stranded, and wondered what I should do to make a raise. I realized fully that I would be obliged to lose several days' valuable time were I to remain there to contest the ownership of the horse, as return day had been set six days ahead. Hence I considered it folly to lose so much time for the value of a horse.

The next morning I arose early, and after breakfast began to search for an opportunity to make a few dollars.

I happened into a drug store and entering into conversation with the proprietor found him a very agreeable gentleman and explained to him that I was a "little short," and inquired if he had any patent medicines, pills, or anything in that line that a good salesman could handle. He replied that the only thing he had was about a gallon of lemon extract which he had made himself from a recipe he had been foolish enough to pay ten dollars for, and had never yet sold ten cents' worth of the stuff.

I asked to see it and on tasting it found an excellent article. I then asked if he would let me take the glass jar and a small graduate to measure it with, and he said: "Certainly."

With the flavoring extract and measure I started for a general canvass, going from house to house and introducing "The finest grade of lemon extract, twenty-five cents per ounce or five ounces for one dollar."

Each purchaser must furnish her own bottle to hold it.

I returned at noon with seven dollars sixty cents, when I took the balance of the dope back to the druggist and asked how much I owed him. He said:

"Well, I'll tell you, I'd like to sell the whole of it out to you. I'll take fifty cents and you own all the flavoring extract there is left, and I'll sell you the jar and graduate cheap if you want them."

"All right sir," handing over the fifty cents, "I'll return after dinner and try it again."

This little experience about convinced me that there was more money in that business than in patent rights.

As I was on my way to the hotel I met a man with a small flour-sifter for the sale of which he was acting as general agent in appointing sub-agents.

I asked his terms.

He said he required each new agent to buy four hundred sifters at twenty-five cents each, which he could retail for fifty cents. Unless a man could buy this number he could not have agency.

After dinner I started out again with the flavoring extract. At the third house I entered, an old gentleman asked if I could get him the agency for it. He said it wasn't necessary for him to do anything of the kind, as he owned a nice home and a small farm and had some money on interest, but he didn't like to spend his time in idleness. I told him that our house had no vacancies, but I could intercede in his behalf in making him an agent for a patent flour-sifter.

He asked what terms he could make. I told him they retailed for fifty cents each, but in order to secure the exclusive sale in his town he would have to pay the regular retail price for the first four hundred, after which he could have all he wanted at half that price.

He said he wouldn't care to invest more than one hundred dollars anyhow, and expressed a desire to see one of them.

"Well," said I, "I am always glad to do a man a favor, and I will run down town and bring one up to you."

I went immediately to where the gentleman was unpacking his sifters, and asked if he would be willing to sell two hundred and give the exclusive sale.

He refused to do so, and I saw there was little use in trying to persuade him, when I explained the nature of my case.

He said it wouldn't pay him to sell so few.

"Then I'll tell you what I'll do," said I. "You see if I was to sell two hundred at the price I have quoted, I'd make fifty dollars. Now if you will let me make the sale I'll give you half of my profits."

He agreed, and I returned to my victim and put the deal through in less than an hour, and pocketed twenty-five dollars—my share of the profits. I then returned at once to my flavoring extract and sold over three dollars' worth that afternoon, making a clear profit of thirty-five dollars for my day's work.

I then joined Frank at Sturgis, and after settling up our affairs there, he left for Ohio with the understanding that I would meet him at Elmore three days later.



CHAPTER XVI.

ARRIVING AT ELMORE, OHIO, STRANDED—RECEIVING EIGHT DOLLARS ON A PATENT-RIGHT SALE—DUNNED IN ADVANCE BY THE LANDLORD—CHANGING HOTELS—MY VISIT TO FREMONT—MEETING MR. KEEFER AND BORROWING MONEY—OUR VISIT TO FINDLAY—A BIG DEAL—LOSING MONEY IN WHEAT—FOLLOWED BY OFFICERS WITH A WRIT OF REPLEVIN—OUTWITTING THEM—A FOUR-MILE CHASE—HIDING OUR RIG IN A CELLAR.

I stopped at Bronson, where my wife and boy were visiting her people and in a couple of days we all started for Elmore, where we arrived bag and baggage without a cent.

My wife said she couldn't see why I should want her to accompany me when I was meeting with such poor success. I explained that it would possibly come very handy to have her Saratoga trunk along occasionally to help satisfy the landlords of our responsibility.

"O, I see you want to sort of pawn us, occasionally for hotel bills, don't you?"

"Well, yes," I answered, "it might be convenient to do so should we get cornered."

She said she didn't think she cared to be detained for hotel bills.

"Well, you wouldn't see a fellow starve would you?"

"No," she replied, "but if ever we are pawned I want you to try and redeem us as soon as possible."

We took quarters at one of the best hotels, and the next day after our arrival a young man came there selling ornamental stove-pipe hole covers made of plaster of paris.

I made his acquaintance at once and learned that he was from Battle Creek, Mich., where his father resided and owned a good property.

I asked his reason for engaging in that business. He said his father suggested it so that he would gain experience.

"Oh, I see, you are looking for experience."

"Yes, that's what I want."

"Well sir," I said, "you are in a poor business to get experience. You ought to get into the business I am in if you want experience."

"What is your business?" he asked. I then introduced my model and explained its merits.

He said he would like Calhoun County, Mich., and asked the price. I looked the map over and set the price at one hundred and fifty dollars. He said he would like it, but hadn't money enough.

I asked how much he had.

After counting what he had he said eight dollars was all he could spare.

"Well, I will take the eight dollars and your note for one hundred and forty-two dollars, payable three months after date."

He agreed, and I made out the papers, receiving the cash and note.

This amount of money, though small, came just in the nick of time, because of the Saratoga-trunk scheme not proving a success. In less than one hour after I had made the deal, the landlord asked me to pay in advance. I immediately flew into a rage and demanded him to make out my bill for what we had had and receipt it in full, which he did, and I paid it with a flourish and with the air of a millionaire!

There was another hotel just across the street, and when our landlord happened to step out in front of his house and I noticed the landlord of the opposite house also standing outside of his door I at once took advantage of the situation and began to abuse my landlord at a terrible rate for his impertinence and cussed meanness and gave him to distinctly understand that he would lose boarders by the means.

I then called on the other landlord and explained how his competitor had shown his narrow ideas of running a hotel and how quickly he secured his pay after demanding it and then asked if he could give us accommodations. He said he could, and we moved at once.

The new proprietor proved to be our kind of a landlord. The next day Frank, who had stopped off at Toledo, came on and joined us.

We left my family there and went over to Fremont, where by accident we met Mr. Keefer and my mother.

They asked how we were progressing.

I explained everything and "just how it all happened."

My mother said she thought we had done splendidly. Mr. Keefer said: "It did beat the d——l."

I then called him one side and began negotiations for a hundred-dollar loan.

He explained that he was absolutely hard up, but would be glad to help me if he could.

I then reminded him that his signature at the bank would be all that was needed.

"Well," said he, "I believe you will come out all right some day, and I guess I'll sign with you if you think you can meet it."

We stepped into the bank and procured the money.

The next day Frank and I went over to Findlay where we met a man selling a patent washing machine. We there succeeded in effecting a trade in our patent, and also found a customer for a large sale on the washing machine, for which the agent paid us liberally.

The two trades netted us thirteen hundred dollars in cash and a fine horse, harness and carriage.

We then drove over to Elmore, where I had left my wife and boy. After leaving her money enough to convince her that she would not be pawned that week we started the next day eastward, stopping at Fremont for supper about six o'clock.

We had traded the State of Illinois in our patent to a gentleman in the lightning-rod business, and that night while walking up street we noticed a large crowd of men standing on the corner talking.

We stepped across the street to see what the excitement was.

On looking over the shoulders of the men we saw our customer, the lightning-rod man, standing there holding his pitchfork in one hand and valise in the other. We were about to crowd in when we heard him say:

"Well, if I can find them I shall have them arrested and replevin the horse."

Frank and I then held a short consultation. Our first idea was to go to him and ascertain what he meant by saying he would arrest us. We felt certain we had violated no law, or at least had no intention of doing so. But after reconsidering the matter we concluded that he was simply a "squealer," and as we had made a square, fair trade with him we decided to let him find us instead of our looking for him.

Our experience of a few days before with the writ of replevin had been a very good lesson. We didn't consider it worth while to deliberately turn our stock over to "squealers," when they were taking so much pains to hunt us up, and especially when we stopped to realize that in dealing with a lightning-rod man it was simply a case of "diamond cut diamond." We therefore started East that evening, arriving at Cleveland a few days later.

On reading the late daily papers which we always made a practice of doing, we found several long articles about two men visiting Findlay with a patent right and how they had taken a handsome horse and carriage and several thousand dollars in cash for which they gave worthless deeds.

We also read a full description of ourselves and the horse and buggy and that a liberal reward would be paid for our capture and return to Findlay.

We were at a loss to understand the meaning of all this, and called on one of the best lawyers in Cleveland and paid him ten dollars to examine our Power of Attorney.

He pronounced it perfect, and said we had complied with the law in having it recorded, in our method of deeding, and in every other respect; and said that the patentee was powerless to annul the Power of Attorney, except by giving me thirty days' notice.

We then concluded to give them a good chase, before giving up the horse and carriage; for though they had spent considerable money in trying to capture us, we realized that the horse and buggy were all we had to look out for, so far as concerned any loss.

We stopped at a first-class hotel, and enjoyed life hugely.

While there, we met an acquaintance who had been speculating in wheat, and had made a lot of money in a very short time.

He assured us that if we would let him invest a portion of our cash the same as he was intending to invest his own, we would leave Cleveland with a barrel of money. Of course we hadn't thought of scooping it in by the barrel, and the idea rather caught us.

Neither Frank nor myself had the slightest conception of the method of speculating in that way. And to this day, I am still as ignorant as then regarding it, and have no desire to learn it.

Well, we let our friend invest five hundred dollars, and in less than three days he called on us for three hundred more, saying he must have it to tide us over. Two days later he announced to us the crushing fact that all was lost! His cash as well as ours.

He then began urging us to try it once more. Anxious to get back what we had lost, we needed but little persuasion; and in less than one week found ourselves about cleaned out. We had speculated all we cared to; and after settling up with the landlord, started west again with the horse and buggy, to continue our patent-right business.

Wherever we stopped, we imagined every time we saw a person approaching us, that it was an officer with papers for our arrest, or a writ of replevin for the horse and carriage. We cared more for the writ than we did for the arrest, as we had by this time posted ourselves as to the trouble and annoyance it would cause us to allow them to get possession of the rig. Besides, it had already become a question whether we would out-general them or they us.

We realized that their reasons, whatever they were, for demanding our arrest, were groundless. So our only desire was to sell the whole outfit at a good figure.

It would have paid us better in every way to have turned it over to the men we had traded with, and to have come to an understanding with them; but we were too anxious to win, in the race we had begun.

We had a great scare and narrow escape, at a small inland town where we stopped just at dusk, intending to remain over night.

While sitting in front of the hotel, about nine o'clock that evening, several gentlemen scrutinized us very sharply as they passed by. Among them happened to be an old friend whom we had known at Clyde. He asked what we had been doing that the authorities had a right to arrest us, adding that two men were at that very moment looking up an officer for that purpose.

We gave immediate orders for our horse to be hitched up, and hastily informed our friend of the facts. He said there must be some reason for the Findlay authorities wanting us, as they had offered a reward of a hundred dollars for us, and twenty-five for the horse and buggy.

We started west at a rapid gait.

It was a beautiful moonlight night, and we had not traveled far till we saw coming after us two men on horseback, riding rapidly. We drove but a few rods farther when we came to a steep hill, at the bottom of which was a cross-road extending in both directions through the woods, and a large bridge crossing a river just west of the road-crossing. We drove down the embankment and under the bridge into the river, and there awaited the coming of the two men. They stopped on the bridge, and there held a consultation We heard one of them say:

"I wonder which way the devils went, anyhow?"

"Well," the other remarked, "they are traveling west, and it's quite likely they have crossed the bridge."

Just as they were about to start again our horse pawed in the water, and at once attracted their attention.



One of them stopped, and said; "Wait a minute. I heard a noise under the bridge."

At this they both stopped, and, as we supposed, were about to make an investigation, when I dropped the reins, and raising my hands to my mouth, made a noise like the bellowing of a "critter." One of them said:

"Oh, come on. It's nothing but a —— old cow!"

They then started across the bridge, greatly to our relief and satisfaction.

After a few moments' delay we returned to the cross-roads, and started south, traveling but a short distance when we again turned west.

We now began to realize that they were making it quite lively for us, and decided to sell the whole rig at any price.

We drove to within about a mile of Norwalk, when I alighted and walked into the town for the purpose of finding a buyer.

Frank drove to a small inland town eight miles south of Norwalk, where I agreed to meet him the next day.

The following morning I met a middle-aged gentleman on the streets, and asked him if there were any horse-buyers in town. He asked what kind of horses I had for sale. I told him I only had one, and gave a description of the animal.

He said he was buying horses, and would drive out with me and see if we could deal.

He hitched up a pair of horses, and taking another gentleman with us, started south. Upon arriving at our destination, we found Frank quartered at a nice country hotel.

The two men looked our whole outfit over, scrutinizing it very closely, and showed no signs of wanting to buy, and did not even ask our price.

I then said:

"Gentlemen, we will sell you this whole rig cheap, if you wish it."

Finally, after I had repeated several times that I would sell it dirt-cheap, the old gentleman ventured to ask what I considered cheap?

"Well, sir," said I, "you can have the whole outfit for twelve hundred dollars."

"Great Heavens!" he exclaimed. "Do you call that cheap?"

"Well," I answered, "you needn't buy unless you want to."

They then drove off, when I said:

"Frank, those men have had a full description of us and our rig, and we'd better skip."

Frank said he had a trade about worked up with the landlord's father, who lived three miles from there. He wanted to trade a fine horse for our carriage, and thought it best to take our chances of staying to close it up.

After dinner the landlord accompanied us to his father's farm. We had to travel one mile west and two north. On our way there, and about a half mile from town, we had a conversation with a young farmer acquaintance of the landlord, who said if we didn't make a deal as we expected, he would give us a trade of some kind on our way back. On reaching the farm we found a handsome four-year-old colt unbroken, but as we could see, a valuable animal.

We traded our carriage for it and a cheap saddle and bridle. When we came to look the carriage over we found an iron brace broken, and the bargain was, that we were to take it back to town and pay for getting it repaired, and then leave it in care of the landlord.

We started back, the landlord and myself walking and leading the colt, while Frank drove our horse and buggy.

When we reached the young farmer's place above-mentioned, he came out to the gate; and after we were several rods past the house, called to the landlord, who went back.

I noticed that the farmer talked in a very loud tone till the landlord got close to him, when he then spoke very low.

Just then Frank came driving up, when I said:

"There's something in the wind. I'll bet that farmer has talked with some one since we went up there, who has told him about the patent-right deal."

I then explained the actions of the farmer. Frank said it did look a little suspicious, but thought it might possibly be a mistake. As a matter of caution Frank drove on to the hotel, where he unhitched the horse, and prepared to start on horseback as soon as we arrived with the colt, which I was to ride.



As soon as the landlord returned to where I was, he showed considerable anxiety and nervousness, which convinced me more than ever that I was correct in my surmises.

He talked but little, on our way to the hotel. When we arrived there his wife came out and had a private talk with him, I then said:

"Well, landlord, we will allow you one dollar for the carriage repairs and you can have it done yourself."

At that I reached out for the halter-strap, to take possession of the colt.

"Well, see here," said he, excitedly, "there is something wrong. Two men have been here looking for you."

"Where are they?" I asked.

"Well," said he, "they have no doubt gone one mile too far west, in trying to get to my father's farm, and have missed us."

I stepped to the middle of the road, and looking west, saw in the distance a team with two men coming. I called for Frank to hitch up again, at once, fully realizing the uselessness of trying to take the colt and leave the buggy, and that there was no time to argue or explain matters to the satisfaction of the landlord.

When I had paid our hotel bill, and gotten the valise containing our shirts—(which we clung to with a bull-dog tenacity, owing to our late shirtless experience)—I hurried to the barn, where I found Frank had the horse between the shafts, and we hitched him up in a space of time that would have done credit to an expert Fire-engine Company.

Only one side of the shafts was supported by the harness, and we did not stop to fasten the hold-back straps, nor to put the lines through the terret, nor tie the hitching strap. But the instant the traces were fastened and the lines were in the buggy, we jumped in, and none too soon, either, for just as we turned our horse in the road the two men came driving around the corner. We started south, with our horse on a dead run and under the whip, followed by them with their horses under full speed, and also under the whip.

The race was indeed exciting, on a Macadamized road as smooth and hard as a floor. I drove, using the whip freely, while Frank stood up in the carriage, facing the men, swinging his hat and yelling like a wild Indian. They kept up the chase for about four miles, we making a turn at every cross-road, first west then south, and kept it up till we saw they were slacking their gait, when we also gave our horse a rest.

We then proceeded west, driving till very late that night, and arriving at the house of a farmer acquaintance of mine, five miles from Clyde, about midnight. I called him up and explained matters. He said we should put the horse in the barn, and stay with him two or three days, till we saw how things were.

We told him that his neighbors would very soon learn that he had a horse and carriage there, and would necessarily have to have an explanation as to the ownership.

We then suggested putting the whole rig, horse and all, into the cellar, which we did; and then remained there three days, eating spring chickens and new potatoes. We paid our friend's wife three dollars per day for keeping us and our horse, besides fifty cents apiece for young chickens which were about one-third grown. This was twenty-five cents more than she could have gotten for them had she kept them till they were full grown. Yet she worried a great deal about killing off her young chickens. Every time she cooked one for us she would declare that she didn't believe it paid, and she wouldn't kill any more till they grew to full size.

We undertook to argue her out of the idea, by showing how many bushels of corn each chicken would eat before fall, and the low price it would bring at that time.

She said: "It didn't make any difference. Common sense taught her that a chicken wasn't worth as much when it was one-third grown as when full grown, and she didn't care to sell us any more."



CHAPTER XVII.

VISITING MY FAMILY AT ELMORE—HOW WE FOOLED A DETECTIVE—A FRIEND IN NEED—ARRIVING AT SWANTON, OHIO, BROKE—HOW I MADE A RAISE—DISGUISING MY HORSE WITH A COAT OF PAINT—CAPTURED AT TOLEDO—SELLING MY HORSE—ARRIVED HOME BROKE.

Three days later I borrowed a saddle and started on horseback toward the west, leaving Frank to dispose of the buggy and harness.

I returned to Elmore the second night out, about nine o'clock. After putting my horse out, called at the hotel to visit my wife and see the boy.

The next day, while we were sitting in our room, the landlord, Mr. Hineline, came up, saying that a detective was down in the office, or at least a man claiming to be one, making all sort of inquiries about us.

I instructed the landlord, who was a sharp, shrewd little gentleman, how to act and what to say, and instructed my wife to enclose a letter in an envelope, and, after addressing it "J. P. Johnston, Mt. Vernon, O. If not called for in 5 days forward to Columbus; if not called for in 5 days forward to Dayton," she slipped down to the office and asked the landlord to please mail it for her. He carelessly laid it down on the desk near the detective, who lost no time in jotting down the full directions.

The last we saw of him he had bought a ticket and was taking the first train for Mt. Vernon.

In a couple of days I started towards the west.

I came very near making two or three horse-trades, and no doubt would have succeeded, if I hadn't felt every minute that some one was going to swoop down upon me, and capture me and my horse.

I didn't feel as if I ought to stop a minute anywhere. I could look ahead to certain places where I thought no detective on earth could discover me till I could make a deal; but when I would reach there I invariably felt the same as at all other places, and was constantly on the alert watching the corners, which alone was enough for any one man to busy himself at.

I arrived the following Sunday at Grand Rapids, Ohio, a small town on the Maumee River, and also on a canal. I put my horse up, and took dinner at the hotel; after which a very hard-looking character, claiming to have lost all his money gambling with his chums, the river men, stepped up to me in the barn and asked if I would give him money to pay for his dinner.

"Certainly," I said, handing him twenty-five cents, saying, as I did so, "I'll give you half of all I possess." He thanked me, and said:

"Say, you're a gentleman, and I'll give you a pointer: There's an officer here after you."

That was all he had to say. I then said:

"Here, help saddle and bridle my horse, quick!"

He did so, and helped me to mount, and with a long stick which he picked up, struck my horse across the hip and yelled:

"Now you're all right!" as I passed out on a full gallop. Just as I was leaving the barn I heard a voice cry out:

"Stop that man! Stop that man!"

"Go it, you son-of-a-gun!" my new friend yelled; and I did "go it."

I steered my course toward Swanton, arriving there that night, with just twenty-five cents in my pocket.

I had an old friend living there who was a painter by trade, besides numerous acquaintances. It will be remembered that it was at this same town I had resigned my position as Telegraph operator a few years before.

I very soon called on my old landlord, who gave me a hearty welcome. After putting my horse out, I settled down for the night.

The next morning I called on my friend, who had just finished a job of painting, but could not collect his bill at once, and being a little short himself, was unable to assist me.

I asked if he had a good credit there, and he replied that he could buy anything he wanted on time.

I then asked if he could hire a horse and buggy on those terms, and he said he could.

"Well then, you come to a drug store with me and we will buy some patent medicine, or something that we can sell to the farmers, and we will travel through the country with your hired rig, leading my horse behind, and peddle from house to house on our way to Adrian, Mich., where I can possibly sell my horse, and you can then return home."

He then suggested that it would be a good scheme to take a pot of copal varnish and brush along, and take jobs of the farmers to varnish pieces of furniture, charging a certain price for each piece.

"Well," said I, "why not sell them the varnish, and let them do the work themselves?"

"But they can buy all the varnish they want right here where we buy it."

"That's true," I answered, "but they can't buy our kind at any drug store."

He laughed, and said he guessed I'd find people in that country up to the times.

"Very well, then, so much the better, if they are, for they'll want something new; and I don't think there has been any one along selling them ounce bottles of copal varnish for fifty cents!"

No, he said he hadn't heard of any one doing so, and didn't think it could be done.

I insisted it could be done.

We then called on the druggist, who had plenty of varnish, but only four empty bottles in stock.

We got a tin pail, and bought one gallon of varnish and the four bottles.

The druggist exhibited some brushes, saying we would have to use one to apply the varnish while showing it up.

"No, thank you," I replied. "All I want is a piece of Canton flannel. It won't do to apply it with a brush. I understand your people here are up with the times. If so, they want something new."

He said he thought it extremely new to apply varnish with a cloth.

We started immediately after dinner, and commenced operations one mile out of town.

The very first house we stopped at—and an old log one, at that—I sold the lady three bottles for one dollar, one each for herself, her mother and her sister.

When I delivered them out of my coat pocket (we had no valise or sample case), I said to her:

"Madam, I put up this preparation myself, and I have run short of bottles. Can't you empty the polish into something else and let me retain these?"

"Certainly," she answered, and stepping to the pantry, she opened the door, when I noticed several bottles on the shelf.

"Now, I'll tell you what I'll do. I will trade you some more of my preparation for a few of those bottles."

"All right. It's a trade."

I returned to the buggy loaded down with bottles of all sizes, shapes and colors, and a dollar bill, which looked the size of a barn door to both of us.

I then carried our pail of varnish into the house and paid her liberally for the bottles.

I called at every house thereafter, and never missed making a sale till the eighth was reached, when the old lady declared emphatically that she didn't have fifty cents in the house.

Then I asked if she had any eggs. She said she had.

"Very well; I'll allow you twenty cents per dozen for them, but you must give me an old box of some kind to put them in."

She was anxious to trade, and when I started off with two and one-half dozen, she said she believed I might have the other five dozen if I'd give her two more bottles. I accommodated her, and as I left she said she was sorry John hadn't gathered the eggs the night before, so she could let me have more of them, as I was paying more than they had been getting.

I told her I'd wait while she gathered them.

She started to do so, but suddenly changed her mind, saying she thought I had sold her enough of my patent staff, anyhow.

When I rejoined my new partner and friend he was delighted, and asked why I didn't trade for the chickens.

We met with flattering success, making frequent trades as well as many cash sales. Among other trades was one I made with a lady for a sheep-pelt. Although I had not dealt in them since my early experience, I ventured to make an offer of one bottle of my preparation, which was accepted.

We staid that night with a German farmer, who looked suspiciously at our extra horse; and when we retired to a little six-by-eight room, way up in the garret, he took the pains to lock us in.

My partner said he guessed the old Dutchman took us for horse-thieves.

"Well," I answered, "I guess he will take us for wholesale varnish peddlers before I get through with him."

The next morning, after we were liberated, I began at once to ingratiate myself in the confidence of the old lady, in order to effect a sale.

Immediately after breakfast I introduced the patent furniture lustre, and before I had half finished my story the old lady cried out:

"I take 'em, I take 'em; how much?"

I then said:

"How much do I owe you?"

"How many oats did your horses eat?"

"Oh, about a bushel."

"One dollar," she said.

"Very well," said I, "my price is one dollar, but you have been very kind to lock us up for the night, and I'll give you two bottles for your trouble."

Before leaving, I traded her some extra lustre for some empty bottles; and this plan I kept up during the day.

We arrived at Blissfield, Mich., where we disposed of our eggs at ten cents per dozen, and realized forty cents for the sheep-pelt, after which we replenished our stock of varnish.

I had now become more interested in my new business than in the sale of my horse; and concluded to abandon the trip to Adrian, and return to Swanton, where I could dissolve partnership with my friend, and continue the business alone, on horseback if necessary.

On our return trip to Swanton I continued to trade for eggs, where customers were short of cash; and one lady said she couldn't understand how I could afford to pay twenty cents per dozen when the market price was but ten cents.

"Well, madam, you see, that's the trick of the trade."

"But," said she, "the merchant we deal with is as tricky as any one; but he won't pay only ten cents a dozen for eggs."

"Yes," I answered, "and he makes you take groceries and dry goods for them, too, while I give you something you need in exchange for them."

She said, "That's so."

When we returned to Swanton we had nearly twenty dollars in cash, and that many dollars' worth of stock on hand at retail price.

I now felt very anxious to sell my horse, as my patent-right experience was quite sufficient to convince me that such a business was no business at all.

My horse was a handsome dapple grey, and my friend said he could paint him a dark color, and so completely disguise him that no man could detect him.

I suggested that it might also be a good idea to paint me, or at least my auburn hair.

He said he wouldn't undertake that job, but he knew he could fix the horse.

"Very well," said I, "go ahead and paint him."

He did so, and a first-class job it was.

I then started for Toledo on horse-back, but before I had traveled far, was caught in a heavy rain-storm. I hitched my horse in front of a school-house and went inside for shelter, by permission of the teacher.

The rain continued for about two hours, and when I returned to my horse he was absolutely the homeliest and oddest-colored brute I ever saw. The paint had run down his legs in streaks, and had formed a combination of colors more easily imagined than described. On arriving at Toledo I put my horse in a sale stable and ordered him to be sold.

The proprietor looked us both over with much suspicion, and asked from which direction I had come.

"From the west, sir," I answered.

"From the far west?" he still further inquired.

"You'd think so, if you'd followed me," I replied.

"Well, what in the d——l ails your horse?"

"Well, sir, he fell in the Chicago River," was my answer.

Stepping to the animal, he rubbed his fingers over the rough, sticky hair, and then placing them to his nose, said:——

"Don't smell bad,—looks's though he'd been dyed."

"Well, I wish to —— he'd died before I ever saw him."

Upon registering at a hotel to await results, I met an old acquaintance who was boarding there, and explained to him my predicament.

He said he didn't think I would ever be able to sell my horse with all that daub on him, unless I explained just how I had traded for him. I replied that to make a full statement would surely result in a writ of replevin being served and the horse being taken from me.

A couple of days later, my friend came rushing into the hotel and informed me that two men, one a policeman, were at the barn carefully scrutinizing the horse.

I waited a few moments, when I walked leisurely to the barn, and after paying for his keeping, ordered him saddled, and immediately started out on the jump. Just as I passed from the barn I noticed a man coming on the run towards me. I put spurs to the animal, when the man yelled, "Halt! halt!" but I wasn't halting, and kept on down the street, looking back at the gentleman as my horse sped rapidly along.

He then yelled: "Stop that man! stop that man!"



I kept looking back, and had just begun to congratulate myself on my success, when suddenly my horse came to a full stop, and I landed forward astride his neck, hanging on by his mane. I then discovered a large policeman holding him by the bit.

I dismounted, and as the gentleman who had been running behind came up to where we were, the police officer said to him:

"Mr. Cavanaugh, what shall I do with the horse?"

"Take him back to the stable, for the time being," was the answer.

I then said:

"I now recognize you as the gentleman and detective whom I was introduced to a few weeks ago by an acquaintance from Bronson, Mich., at which place I believe you formerly resided, and where I married my wife."

"Sure enough," he answered. "Your wife and I were school children together. Johnston is your name."

"Yes, sir."

"Well, great Heavens! you're no horse-thief!"

"Well, who in thunder said I was? I am sure I never said so," was my reply.

"What have you painted this horse for?" he inquired.

"Well, I guess I'll have to tell you privately," I answered.

We then walked along together, and I explained everything.

"Well, this case," said he, "has been reported to the Captain of Police; and I guess you'd better go over to his office and explain matters, and a note from him to the proprietor of the sale-stable will help you to dispose of the horse."

We visited the Captain, to whom I explained, and as proof of my statement produced my papers and some newspaper clippings.

The Captain said if I was sleek enough to trade a lightning-rod agent out of a horse with a patent right, I ought to be pensioned. He said he'd send word to the stable-man that it was all right, which I suppose he did. At any rate, I sold out to the proprietor inside of an hour.

I then decided to go immediately to Findlay and see what grounds they had for wanting to arrest us.

On arriving there I spent about three hours in trying to find an officer who would recognize me, and possibly place me under arrest. Not successful in this, I looked for and found an officer, with whom I managed to get into conversation, and was obliged to tell him plainly who I was, before he would "take a tumble," as the saying is.

He then said he knew all about the trade, and was acquainted with the men, and the circumstances of their offering the reward.

"Well, now," said I, "you arrest me, and we'll get the reward."

"But," said he, "the men you traded with have left town."

I asked if he knew why they had offered a reward for us.

He said it was because the Patentee had arrived on the scene the day after our trade, and had remarked that Johnston had no authority to deed away territory in his patent; for the reason that the Power of Attorney had a clause in it which read as follows: "This Power of Attorney is revocable in thirty days from the day it is given by the said Patentee." They then concluded to try and arrest us, and if successful possibly make us pay handsomely, or prosecute us.

This bit of information was relished by me, for I at once saw that the Patentee had gotten things badly mixed. The clause he referred to, which was the one mentioned in another chapter, read as follows: "This Power of Attorney is revocable on thirty days' notice from the said Patentee."

Having satisfied myself, and several acquaintances of the men we had dealt with, that we had not violated the law, I returned to Toledo, where I met Frank, who had disposed of the carriage and harness.

He left me there; and one evening at the supper table I entered into conversation with several gentlemen, one of whom related a few incidents of his experience, when I also related my late experience in selling copal varnish.

An old gentleman across the table from me then said that he had a recipe for making a furniture and piano polish that was immense. He said it would leave a beautiful hard lustre, was not sticky or gummy to the fingers, and would remove all white stains from furniture, and become perfectly dry in less than one minute from the time it was applied.

"Well, sir," I said, "I am looking for some thing of that kind, and——"

"Very well," he interrupted; "it will cost you twenty-five dollars."

I said: "I'll you five dollars before testing it."

"No, sir; not one dollar less than my price."

But he would make up a small bottle, and show me how it worked. He did so, and I was at once convinced.

I then dickered a while with him, and after satisfying myself that I could buy it for no less than his price, purchased it; and have always considered it a good investment. An Incorporated Manufacturing Company of this city now use the same recipe, supplying agents in all parts of the country.

I immediately visited Elmore, where my wife and boy still remained. After paying their board and a doctor's bill for the boy, I took a run down to Clyde, arriving there "broke."

I had a long talk with my folks, and explained "just how it all happened."

My mother said she thought I had made a splendid record for a boy with a family.

Mr. Keefer said, "It did beat the devil."



CHAPTER XVIII.

MR. KEEFER CALLED FROM HOME—MY MOTHER REFUSES ME A LOAN—PEDDLING FURNITURE POLISH ON FOOT—HAVING MY FORTUNE TOLD—MY TRIP THROUGH MICHIGAN—ARRESTED FOR SELLING WITHOUT LICENSE—"IT NEVER RAINS BUT IT POURS"—COLLAPSED—A GOOD MORAL—MAKING A RAISE.

I remained at home but a day or two, during which time Mr. Keefer was called away on business, leaving my mother and myself to discuss the future together. I told her of my varnish experience, and about my recipe for the piano and furniture polish, and assured her that I had made a firm resolution never to sell another patent right.

She said she was glad to hear that, as it had worried her night and day during the whole time I was in that business.

I then suggested that she loan me money enough to invest in a few bottles of polish.

"Not one cent, sir."

"Well," said I, "it won't take but about—"

"No matter," she interrupted, "if it won't take but ten cents you will not get it from me. You have had the last cent from us you will ever get."

I remarked that I was sorry pa had gone away.

She said it wouldn't matter, anyhow, for she had laid down the law to him, and he would never let me have another dollar.

"Well," I asked, "won't you give me money enough to get out of town?"

"No, sir; if five cents would take you to California, you should walk it before I'd give you that amount."

I then asked if she didn't think I was getting in rather close quarters?

"Well," she exclaimed, "you have always been determined to 'hus'le,' so now keep 'hus'ling.'"

I then called on an old friend whom I had been owing for several years, and after explaining my circumstances, borrowed three dollars, with which I repaired to a drug store and procured a stock of ingredients and bottles required for my Furniture and Piano Polish.

I then returned home, and after explaining to my mother that it would take till the next day to prepare it, asked her if she would care if I staid at her house one more night.

She laughed, and said she guessed she could stand it that long.

I then said:

"By gracious, you will have to give me money enough to get to the next town, for I won't dare commence peddling polish where I am acquainted."

"Indeed I'll not give you a penny, even though you have to commence at our next-door neighbor's," she answered.

The next day, when my bottles were filled ready for a start, I discovered that I had no valise.

My mother said I could have that old carpet-bag that I took to New York when I was a boy, and which had been expressed back to me with my old clothes. I told her I thought it would be about what I needed, but if she had the slightest idea she could sell it, or would ever need it to make me a visit in the far west when I got rich, that I might possibly get along without it.

She said I could rest assured that she wasn't quite so hard up as to be obliged to sell it, and if she had to wait for me to get rich before using it, she probably would never have occasion to do so.

I then visited the garret, where my mother said I would find the old bag.

As I entered the dark, gloomy place, my vision encountered innumerable relics of my past life, in the shape of toys, books, papers, skates cart-wheels, pieces of hobby-horses, and remnants of garments made by my mother and worn by me years before.

I thought of the days gone by, and the many pleasant hours I had spent at the old farm house. While I was occupied with play and enjoyment, my mother busying herself with family cares, and endeavoring to draw from me my ideas of the business or profession I would adopt when I reached manhood.

There flitted through my mind the many kind things she had said and done for me, in trying to gratify my desires and boyish whims. I was reminded that although she had often opposed me in my ideas of "hus'ling," and was at that very time refusing to aid me, she had always been a devoted mother, with a kind and forgiving disposition, and had never ceased to show her anxiety for my welfare.

I realized that there must be a reason, best known to herself, for withholding aid from me at this time.

I then began rummaging about for the old carpet-bag, which I found hanging in a remote corner, amongst cobwebs and bunches of balm and sage. As I gazed on the companion of my first railroad trip, there flashed through my mind, with lightning-like rapidity, the three weeks of joys and sorrows we had shared together while in New York. The many ups and downs I had experienced since that time, forced themselves upon my memory, while it had been silently resting and apparently awaiting my return to accompany me on another search for fortune.

Among other things I saw hanging there was a half-worn-out, dried-up bunch of blue-beech switches.

How many times had they tickled my young hide for a breach of home discipline!

I took them in my hand, and as I gazed upon those silent reminders of the past, I said triumphantly:

"You clung to me like a brother. Your reign is over. Your day is past, while mine is just dawning. Farewell; I cherish you not. No fond memories cling around my recollections of you. The lessons you endeavored to convey were no doubt good, but, alas! they fell on barren soil. Farewell, farewell."

And heaving a heavy sigh, I hung them on the nail, picked up my carpet-bag, and descended from the garret.

After packing the old carpet-bag with bottles, I announced my readiness for the grand start. My mother commenced crying, and asked if I didn't think I'd better take a lunch along, in case of necessity. I said I guessed not, as she might be robbing herself to give me so much all at one time.

I bade her good bye, and I when I had gotten to the front gate she called me back, and said if I would hitch one of the horses to the carriage she would take me to Green Creek bridge, five miles out, where I could begin operations among strangers.

This me pleased me immensely, and I lost no time in carrying out her suggestion.

She drove west on the pike to the bridge, when I announced my readiness and anxiety to commence business, as it was then four o'clock and I must make a raise of a few shillings for expenses for the night.

I shall never forget the expression of solicitude and determination shown in her face as she bade me good bye, and turned to leave me; and I have since congratulated her for the firm, decisive stand she took. I have often related this incident as one of the best things that ever happened to me.

As soon as she started homeward I took the other direction.

I was mad; and the more I thought of her treatment of me the madder I got, and the more I 'hus'led.'

At the first house I called, the old lady said she hadn't any money, but would tell my fortune for a bottle of polish.

"Well, great Heavens!" I yelled, "go ahead, you never can tell my fortune at a better time."

She shuffled the cards, and said I'd never do manual labor, and I was going to be rich. I would have two wives, and no telling how many children. I had had a great many ups and downs, and would have some more; but would eventually settle down. I asked if I would ever be hung. She said, "No, sir."

During the interview she learned from me of my father's dying before I was born. That, she said, was always a sure sign of good fortune, and a bright future was always in store for a child born under such circumstances.

I finally asked her if she could tell where I was going to stay that night. She said she couldn't, but would wager that I wouldn't sleep in a freight car, nor go without my supper.

I gave her a bottle of polish, and made another start, calling at the next house just as the family were about to take supper.

I rushed in, set my carpet-bag down, and laying off my hat, said in a jocular manner:

"By gracious, I'm just in time, for once."



"Yes, you are," said the gentleman, as he was about to take his seat at the table. "Take that seat right over there," pointing to the opposite side of the table.

I thanked him and accepted his kind invitation. After supper I showed them my preparation, which pleased them much.

His wife asked the price. I told her fifty cents, and said:

"I want to allow you half that amount for my supper, therefore you will owe me but twenty-five cents."

She paid me, and I started on, much elated with my success, and convinced that the old fortune-teller knew her business, as the supper part had already come true.

I called at every house until too dark to operate, making a sale at nearly every one.

I walked on to Fremont, reaching there in time for the seven-thirty train bound west.

After buying a ticket for Lindsay, I had three dollars and fifty cents in cash, and plenty of stock on hand.

I remained there over night, and am almost certain there wasn't a housekeeper in that burgh who didn't get a bottle of my polish the next day.

After finishing the town, I learned that the westbound train was not due for an hour. As life was short, business brisk and time valuable, I started out on foot, walking to the next town, (meeting with fair success), where I took the train for Adrian, Michigan, arriving there the next day. A very impressive fact, to me, connected with this particular trip, was my traveling over five miles of road, peddling furniture polish at twenty-five and fifty cents per bottle, that a few weeks before I had driven over with the horse and buggy, and several hundred dollars in my pocket, during our patent-right experience.

Before leaving the subject of Patent Rights, I want to say a few words for the benefit of those who may be inclined to speculate in them. Although the selling of territory or State and County rights may be considered legitimate, it is by no means a suitable business for a reputable person to follow. The deeding of territory in a Patent Right is about equivalent to giving a deed to so much blue sky. At least, the purchaser usually realizes as much from the former as he would from the latter.

Those who invest in Patent Rights invariably do so at a time when their imagination is aroused to a point where all is sunshine and brightness.

But as soon as their ardor cools off their energies become dormant, and by the time they are ready to commence business they are as unfit to do so as they were visionary in making the purchase.

An invention of merit will never be sold by County or State rights. There are any number of capitalists ready and willing to invest in the manufacture of an invention of practical use. In such cases any territory would be considered too valuable to dispose of.

Hence it should be borne in mind that, as a rule, to invest in specified territory is to purchase an absolutely worthless invention.

The man who consummates the sale will seldom have the satisfaction of realizing that he has given value received.

And without giving value received, under all circumstances, (whether in Patent Rights or any other business), no man need look for or expect success.

As experience is a dear teacher, let the inexperienced take heed from one who knows, and give all business of this character a wide berth.

Upon reaching Adrian, I discarded the carpet-bag and bought a small valise, with which I at once began business; and that night prepared more stock for the next day.

I commenced by taking the most aristocratic portion of the city, canvassing every street and number systematically, with good success.

One day, after I had succeeded in making enough money to buy a baby carriage, which I forwarded to my wife, and had a few dollars left, I was arrested for selling from house to house without a license. I explained to the officer that I hadn't the slightest idea that I was obliged to have one. He said I must go before the city magistrate, and demanded that I should accompany him, which I did.

The old wolf lectured me as if I had been a regular boodler, and then imposed a fine which exceeded the amount in my possession by about three dollars.

I asked what the penalty would be if I didn't pay.

He said I would have to go to jail.

"Well," said I, "I haven't money enough to pay my fine, and guess you might as well lock me up for the whole thing as a part of it."

In answer to the query "how much cash I had," I laid it all on his desk; and as he counted and raked it in, he said:

"Very well, I will suspend your sentence."

I then asked if I could have the privilege of selling the balance of the day, so as to take in money enough to get out of town with.

He said I could.

I invoiced my stock in trade and found I had just thirteen bottles of polish on hand, and immediately went to work.

The second house at which I called was a new and unfinished one, and I was obliged to enter from the back way. I found three or four very polite and pleasant ladies, to whom I showed my polish,—without effecting a sale, however.

When ready to leave the house I noticed three doors in a row, exactly alike. I was certain that the middle one was the one through which I had entered. Accordingly, facing the ladies and politely thanking them for their kind attention, and when just about saying good-bye, I opened the door and stepped back to close it after me, when I heard one of the ladies scream at the top of her voice.

It was too late.

I had disappeared—gone out of sight—where, I didn't know. But I realized when I struck that I had alighted full weight on my valise of furniture polish. It was total darkness, and I heard voices saying:

"What a pity! What a shame! Do send for some one."

Then the outside cellar door opened, letting in daylight as well as a little light on the situation.

The lady of the house had quickly come to my rescue by this entrance.

She hastily explained that the house was unfinished, and that they had not yet put stairs in their cellar-way, from the inside.

I thanked her for the kind information, but reminded her that it was unnecessary to explain, as I fully comprehended the situation.

I then picked up a shovel standing by, and after digging a deep hole in the very spot where I had struck in a sitting posture, I emptied the broken bottles and polish into it. After covering it up, and shaping and rounding the top dirt like a grave, I said to the ladies, as they stood by watching the proceedings:

"Not dead, but busted. Here lie the remains of my last fortune. If you wish to erect a monument to the memory of this particular incident you have my consent to do so. Good day, ladies, good day."

With my empty valise I then returned to Mr. Hart's drug store, where I had previously bought my stock, and at once ordered a small lot put up, to be ready the next morning.

From there I went to the hotel, and in conversation with a scholarly looking gentleman, learned that he was a lawyer. I told him of my arrest, and the reasons assigned for it, when he informed me that no town in the United States had any legal right to exact a license from me if I manufactured my own goods.

I then decided to remain there as long as I could do well. The lawyer said if I would do so he would defend me gratuitously if I were molested again.

I thanked him, and said:

"My dear sir, it is very kind of you to offer your services should I need them—very kind indeed; and as one good turn deserves another, suppose you loan me two dollars to pay the druggist for my stock in trade?"

"Certainly, sir, certainly. Glad to do so," he answered, as he handed me a two-dollar bill.

He then asked me to "take something."

"No, thank you; I never drink."

"Well, take a cigar won't you?"

"I never smoke, either," I answered.

"The devil you don't! Well, this certainly isn't your first experience in business, is it?" was his next query.

"Hardly; but why should a man drink or smoke just because he may have been in business for some time?"

"True enough," said he, "and had I always let drink alone I could have been a rich man; and I'll never take another drop."

"I hope you won't," I replied.

He then stepped forward, and taking me by the hand, said:

"Young man, I can't remember of ever before asking a man to drink with me who abruptly refused; and I consider yours an exceptionally rare case, considering that I had just done you a favor, and would hardly expect you to refuse. Now, sir, although you are a much younger man than I am, your conduct in this particular instance will do me a world of good; and although you are not worth a single dollar to-day, if you will always refrain from drinking, keep your head level and attend to business, you will be a rich man some day. Now, remember what I tell you."

I told him if I met with the same success in the future as in the past, I felt certain of the need of a level head to manage my business.

He assured me that no matter what the past had been,—the more rocky it had been, the smoother the future would be.

I worked in Adrian about two weeks, meeting with splendid success, which of course enabled me to return the two dollars to my newly-made friend. From there I went to Hillsdale, and at a drug store kept by French & Son, I bought the ingredients for the manufacture of my polish.

It was my custom to take down the names of every housekeeper who patronized me, and read them to the next person I called upon.

When I started out in the morning, on my first day's work, Mr. French's son laughed at me, and said he guessed I wouldn't sell much of my dope in that town.

On returning to the store at noon he inquired with considerable interest how business was.

I reported the sale of over a dozen bottles,—small ones at fifty cents and large ones at one dollar. He seemed to doubt my word, and asked to see my list of names. I read them to him, and as we came to the name of Mrs. French he threw up both hands and said:

"I'll bet you never sold her a bottle. Why, she is my mother!"

"No matter if she is your grandmother; I sold her one of the dollar bottles."

He cried out:

"Great Heavens! father, come here and see what this man has done. He has sold mother a four-ounce bottle of dope for a dollar, that he buys from us by the gallon!"

Mr. French, Sr. said he guessed there must be some mistake about that. I assured him it was true.

Then the young man suddenly exclaimed:

"See here, I wish you would go to my house and see if you can sell my wife a bottle. She always prides herself on getting rid of agents."

"Well, I wonder if your mother doesn't think she can 'fire them out' pretty well, too?" inquired the father.

"Yes, but I'll bet he can't sell to my wife," ejaculated the young man.

"Tell me where you live."

He pointed out the house, and said he would not go to dinner till I reported.

I made the call, and returned in about thirty minutes with two dollars of his wife's money. She had taken one bottle for herself and one for her mother-in-law, Mrs. French.

This greatly pleased both the young man and his father; and the latter said it was worth ten times the price to them, as they would now have a case to present to their wives that would ever after cure them of patronizing agents.

I assured them that their wives had actually purchased an article superior to anything they could produce. They said it didn't matter—it had all come from their store, if they didn't know how to make it.



CHAPTER XIX.

MY CO-PARTNERSHIP WITH A CLAIRVOYANT DOCTOR—OUR LIVELY TRIP FROM YPSILANTI TO PONTIAC, MICHIGAN—POOR SUCCESS—THE DOCTOR AND HIS IRISH PATIENT—MY PRESCRIPTION FOR THE DEAF WOMAN—COLLAPSED, AND IN DEBT FOR BOARD.

I remained at this town about a fortnight, when I received a letter from an old acquaintance then in Toledo, Ohio, but who had formerly practiced medicine in Bronson, Michigan.

He urged me to join him at once, to take an interest in the most gigantic scheme ever conceived.

The Doctor was a veritable Colonel Sellers.

His hair and moustache were snowy white.

He wore a pair of gold spectacles, and carried a gold-headed cane; and altogether, was quite a distinguished-looking individual.

He was of a nervous temperament—quick in action and speech; and would swear like a pirate, and spin around like a jumping-jack when agitated in the least.

I took the first train for Toledo, and was soon ushered into the Doctor's private room at the hotel. Without any preliminaries he said to me:

"Well sir, Johnston, I'm a Clairvoyant—a Clairvoyant, sir. By laying my hands on the table, in this manner, I can tell a lady just how old she is, how long she has been married, how many children she has, and if she is ailing I can tell just what her complaint is, and how long she has been sick, and all about her."

"Can't you tell as much about a man as you can about a woman?"

"Well, —— it, I s'pose I can, all but the children part of it."

He wanted me to act as his agent, and I should have half the profits.

We decided to go through Michigan. I wrote up a circular, and sent a notice to a couple of towns to be printed in their local papers.

The Doctor said he would pay all expenses till we got started; consequently I sent what money I had to my wife.

We visited several towns, meeting with no success and constantly running behind—principally on account of the Doctor's lack of proficiency as a Clairvoyant.

I was anxious to return to my furniture polish, but the Doctor would have nothing of the kind. He declared himself a gentleman of too much refinement and dignity to allow a man in his company to descend to peddling from house to house.

I concluded to stay with him till his money gave out.

At Ypsilanti our business, as usual, was a total failure. The Doctor said he knew of a town where we would be sure to meet with the grandest success. The name of the town was Pontiac.

I at once sent notices to the papers there, and some circulars to the landlord of one of the hotels, announcing the early arrival of the celebrated Clairvoyant physician, Doctor ——.

The Doctor was so very sanguine of success in this particular town, that we built our hopes on making a small fortune in a very short time. Consequently we talked about it a great deal.

Whenever it became necessary to speak of Pontiac, I found it almost impossible to remember the name; but the name Pocahontas would invariably come to my mind in its stead.

This caused me so much annoyance that I proposed to the doctor that we call it thus. This he agreed to, and thereafter Pontiac was dead to us, and Pocahontas arose from its ashes. We very soon became so accustomed to the change as to be unable to think of the right name when necessary to do so.

When we were ready to leave Ypsilanti we walked to the depot, not, of course, because it expensive to ride, but just for exercise, "you know."

On our way, the Doctor happened to think that we must leave orders at the post office to have our mail forwarded.

I accompanied him there. He stepped up to the delivery window and said:

"My name is Doctor ——. If any mail comes for me here, please forward it to Pocahontas."

"Pocahontas?" the clerk queried.

"Yes sir, Pocahontas, Michigan."

"I guess you're mistaken, Doctor,—at least I——"

"Not by a dang sight! I guess I know where I am going," was the Doctor's answer.

I began laughing, and started to leave, when the Doctor saw his blunder and said, excitedly:

"No, no! My mistake; my mistake, Mr. clerk. I mean—I mean—dang it!—Dod blast it! what do I mean?—Where am I going? Where the devil is it? Why you know, don't you? Dang it! where is it? Johnston, you devilish fool! come and tell this man the name of that cussed town. Why it's Poca—no, no; here, Johnston, I knew you would make consummate fools of us. I knew it all the time."

By this time several people had gathered about, and were interested listeners, while the clerk gazed through the window with a look of sympathy for the man he no doubt thought insane.

I couldn't, to save me, think of the right name, and immediately started towards the depot, leaving the Doctor to settle the mail matter.

Directly he came tearing down the street, up to where I stood.

I was laughing immoderately at his blunder. He threw down his old valise, and said:

"You are a —— smart man, you are! Just see what a cussed fool you made of yourself and——"

"Well," I interrupted, "never mind me, Doctor, how did it happen that you didn't make a fool of yourself?"

"I did; I did, sir, until I explained what an infernal fool you were."

"Did you finally think of the right name?"

"Think of it? No! Of course I didn't think of it, you idiot. I have no idea of ever getting it right again."

We had to go to Detroit, and there change cars for our destination. On our way there the Doctor took matters very seriously, and said I was just one of that kind that was always doing something to make an everlasting fool of myself and every one else.

When we arrived at Detroit he handed me the money for our fare.

We walked to the ticket office, and I laid down the money and said: "Two tickets to Pocahontas."

"Poca—what?" said the agent, "Where in the deuce is that?"

I turned to the Doctor and said:

"Great Heavens! Where are we going? Tell me the name."

"Oh, you cussed fool, you ought to be dumped into the Detroit River! See what you have done!"

At this he began to prance around, tearing backwards and forwards and swearing at the top of his voice, calling me all manner of names, and at last said to the agent:

"We are both infernal fools, and don't know where we are going; but no one is to blame but that idiot over there," pointing to me.

I then said to the people gathered around, looking on with a mixture of surprise and curiosity:

"Gentlemen, we are on our way to some town with an Indian name."

One man suggested Ypsilanti.

"Oh, Ypsilanti!" the Doctor shrieked. "That's where we came from."

Another said Pontiac.

"There, there, that's it!" the Doctor cried. "Now buy your tickets, and let's go aboard the train before we get locked up!"

I secured the tickets, making sure that they read PONTIAC, and we boarded the train.

The Doctor took a seat by himself, and while sitting there, looked at me over his spectacles, with his plug hat on the back of his head, and his chin resting on his cane. He continued to make the atmosphere blue, in a quiet way, and repeatedly referred to the fact that we must certainly have appeared like two very brilliant traveling men.

I was beginning to feel that I had caused considerable trouble and humiliation.

Suddenly the Doctor jumped to his feet, and starting from the car on a run, cried out:

"Good ——! I haven't re-checked my trunk."

I ran after him. He made a bee line for the baggage room, and rushing up to the counter, threw down his check and yelled:

"For ——'s sake, hurry up and re-check my trunk before the train leaves."

"Where to?" asked the baggage-man.

"To Pocahontas!" screamed the Doctor.

"Poca-the-devil!" said the agent.

Then began a genuine circus. Neither of us could think of the right name, and the train was to leave in less than three minutes.

The Doctor began to hop up and down, swearing like a trooper, swinging his cane and looking at me, and cried out at the very top of his voice:

"Tell the man where we're going, you idiotic fool! You're to blame, and you ought to have your infernal neck broken. Why don't you tell the man? Tell him—tell him, you idiot! Great ——! if that train leaves us, I'll——"

The threat was interrupted by the baggage-man putting his head through the window and saying:

"There's an Insane Asylum being built at Pontiac. Perhaps that's where—"

"That's the place—that's where we want to go. Check 'er, check 'er, check 'er quick!" the Doctor yelled. Then turning to me said:

"There! you infernal fool, now I hope you feel satisfied," and in a low tone said:

"Look at this crowd of people you have attracted here."

"Well, what's the difference? They'll think I am taking you to the Insane Asylum, so that lets us out."

"The devil they will! They'll think it's you that's crazy. Didn't I tell them you were a fool?"

The trunk was put on none too soon, and the Doctor continued to abuse me to his heart's content during nearly the whole distance.

I was too much pleased to do anything but laugh; and what made it more ridiculous to me, was that the Doctor could see nothing funny about it, and never cracked a smile. He kept harping on the undignified position it had placed him in. I remained quiet, and let him cuss, till at last he quieted down. A few moments later the conductor passed through the car, and the Doctor, looking up over his spectacles, said:

"Conductor, aren't we almost to Pocahantas?"

"Almost where?"

"I mean—I mean, well dang it! never mind, never mind," he stammered.

At this, he jumped to his feet, starting for the front car, turned and looked at me, and while shaking his cane, yelled as he passed out:

"Laugh! you infernal fool, laugh!" And the door slammed.

On arriving at Pontiac, just as the train was stopping I looked into the front car and saw the Doctor rising from his seat. I opened the door, and changing the tone of my voice, sang out, "POCAHONTAS!" and dodged back into the car and took my seat.

The Doctor came out onto the platform, and looking in, saw me sitting there, apparently asleep.

He opened the door and said:

"Come on, Johnston; we are at Poca—come on—come on, you dang fool; don't you know where we are?"

I jumped to my feet and went out sleepily, rubbing my eyes, and told him I was glad he woke me up.

"Yes, I should think you would be; but I was a fool that I didn't let you stay there. The devil knows where you would have landed."

I suggested that I might have brought up at Pocahontas.

"Great Heavens! don't mention that name to me again."

After registering at the hotel and settling in a room we began discussing our prospects. But in a few minutes the Doctor said:

"Johnston, we have simply raised the devil."

"How so?"

"Why, do you know, the whole dang Railroad company have got to calling this town Pocahontas!"

"I guess not."

"But, by the Eternal Gods! I know it is so. When our train stopped at the depot, the brake-man opened the door and yelled, 'Pocahontas!' at the top of his voice."

"O, thunder! Doctor; you have been so excited all night that you couldn't tell what he called."

"I couldn't?" he thundered out. "Don't you s'pose I could tell the difference between Pocahontas and—and—well, Johnston, you cussed fool, I'll never be able to call this infernal town by its right name again. I am going to retire."

We remained at that hotel but one day, not being able to make satisfactory rates, besides being dunned for our board in advance.

We then called on an elderly widow lady who was running a fourth-class hotel. She seemed favorably impressed with the Doctor, which fact made us feel quite comfortable, for the time being.

I "hus'led" out with a lot of hand-bills, which I scattered over the town, and returned to the hotel to await results.

The first afternoon there came a middle-aged Irish woman to consult the doctor while in a Clairvoyant state. He seated her opposite himself, put his hands on the table, looked wise, and began: