CHAPTER IX.

CONTINUING THE JEWELRY AND SPECTACLE BUSINESS ALONE—TRADING A WATCH CHAIN FOR A HORSE—PEDDLING ON HORSEBACK—TRADING JEWELRY FOR A HARNESS AND BUGGY—SELLING AT WHOLESALE—RETIRING FROM THE JEWELRY BUSINESS.

After dissolving partnership I returned to Columbus, replenished my stock, and started out alone. I took the first train out from the city and stopped about ten miles distant, at a small country village, and commenced operations. My success was gratifying. I walked through the country, peddling from house to house.

After my third day out, I came to a spacious looking farm house just at nightfall, and asked the lady if she would keep me over night. She said she had no objections, but her husband was prejudiced against keeping peddlers or agents, and she was sure he would object. I asked where he was, and she said he was away on a horse trade.

While we were talking he drove up with a handsome bay mare, and called his wife out to show her what a "bang up" trade he had made, adding with much ardor and excitement that if the fellow he had traded with was horseman enough to get the other horse to pull a pound he would do more than any one else had ever done.

I asked him to keep me over night, when he turned on me with a volley of oaths sufficient to color the atmosphere blue for some distance around.

I assured him, in the blandest manner possible, that I was no horse thief nor burglar, and that I had plenty of money and expected to pay my bills.

His wife reminded him that they had plenty of room, and as it was late he had better let me stay.

He then consented, asking at the same time if I was a good "story teller." This of course gave me an "inkling" as to the best means of getting in his good graces. During the evening I lost no time in arriving at a point in our conversation where I could relate a few of my latest stories, which pleased him greatly. He became so much interested in me and my business as to propose to go into partnership with me, he to furnish the traveling conveyance and half the money, and I to do the selling.

His wife ridiculed the idea and laughed at his foolishness.

He then leaned forward in a very familiar, friendly manner, and took hold of a long neck chain I was wearing, and asked what I would take for that chain.

"Oh," I answered, "I don't want to sell it."

"Well, but you would sell it, wouldn't you?" he asked.

"A man would be a fool to refuse to sell anything he owned, if he got enough for it," I replied, "but I have no desire to sell this particular chain."

The next morning, while I was trading with his wife, he again mentioned the chain, and remarked that he would rather have that than all the jewelry in the box.

I said: "I should think you would."

He then said: "Look here, young feller, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you that bay mare I traded for last night, even up, for that chain."

I asked if she was sound. He assured me that she was.

"Well, then," said I, "oughtn't she to fetch two hundred and fifty dollars?"

"Yes sir, you can bet on that," he answered, excitedly.



"Well then," said I, "if you will throw in a saddle and bridle I'll trade."

"I have no saddle," said he, "but I will give you a blanket and bridle."

"All right, it's a trade."

We bridled and blanketed the mare, I delivered the chain to him and mounted, ready for a start.

"Now, young feller," said he, "the trade is made and there must be no 'kicking' on either side. You agree to that do you?"

"Yes sir," I answered, "I'll never kick if the old mare dies in five minutes from now."

"That's right," said he, "you're a dandy, and just the sort of feller I like to deal with."

"Well, I'll bid you good day"—tipping my hat.

"See here, one moment," he yelled, as I had gotten well on my way. "Say! the trade is made and no squealing on either side. How much is this chain actually worth?"

"Well," I answered, in a loud tone, "those kind cost me ten dollars per dozen, or eighty-odd cents each."

He staggered and fell back against the fence. His wife yelled in a high pitched voice:

"Well there, John, you have been taken in for once in your life." I raised my hat and cantered away.

I traveled on horse-back all day, and found it up-hill business, as it was difficult to mount and dismount, and very hard to carry my sample case and valise on horse-back.

That evening I arrived in a small burg where I put up, and determined to turn my horse out to pasture, until I could deal for a buggy and harness.

That night while in conversation with some men at the hotel, I learned that one of them was a carriage and wagon maker. I asked if he had anything in the way of a light second-handed buggy, which he could sell at a low price.

He said that he had one that he had just been repairing and it was all ready to run out. I prevailed upon him to take me to his shop and show it by the light of a lantern.

I asked his price which was forty-five dollars.

On re-entering the hotel, I took him into the sitting room and showed him my jewelry. He was pleased with it, and I asked him how he would like to trade his buggy for some of it. He said he wouldn't care to take it all in jewelry, but if I had any good watches he would take one, and some jewelry on a trade.

I then showed him the watch I was carrying, and was not long in making a trade. I gave him a bill of sale for the watch and jewelry, and took one from him for the buggy.

I retired that night feeling that I had made fair progress towards procuring a traveling conveyance of my own. When morning came, my only desire was to deal for a harness. As soon as breakfast was over, I took my jewelry case and "hus'led" around among the business men, as well as at different residences in the town. I gave but little thought to selling goods, but inquired, wherever I called, if they knew of any one who had a harness for sale.

At last I called upon an old couple who were in need of spectacles. I succeeded in fitting both of them, when I suggested the idea of taking their old glasses in exchange for mine, and letting them pay the difference. The old gentleman said I would have to trust them for the difference, as they had just paid out the last money they had.

Almost the last thing I thought of, was to ask them if they knew of any who had a harness for sale, as I had become so interested in the spectacle deal.

"Why bless you," the old man replied, "I have got a nice single harness up stairs that I will sell cheap." He brought it down, and I traded the spectacles, a very nice pair of sleeve-buttons, and a handsome set of jewelry for it.

I was now ready to start with my newly completed torn-out, which I lost no time in doing.

I traveled in the direction of Kirkersville, where I arrived a few days later and promptly exhibited my horse, harness and buggy to my late partner and his acquaintances.

After a careful scrutiny of the turn-out, and a look at the goods I had left in stock, he remarked that "some one must have been taken in."

I continued peddling for some time, meeting with splendid success on the average, with occasionally a poor day.

I never lost an opportunity of trading horses, and as a rule, preferred to keep trading for a better one each time where I would be obliged to pay boot, which I invariably manipulated so as to pay the difference in jewelry, instead of the cash. I also traded buggies frequently in this way, and in a very short time I was driving a first-class turn-out.

My early boyhood experience with horses had given me a fair knowledge of them, and the blemishes they were subjected to, which enabled me to pass reasonable judgment on them, when making trades.

My best deals were always made with professional horse-men, who generally seemed to think they had a "soft snap," and I never attempted to convince them differently, except when I could do so at their expense.

Peddling jewelry and spectacles was the business I gave my special attention to for sometime, and it proved a very satisfactory one. With the exception of a few disagreeable features which are sure to attend any business of that nature, I found it very pleasant.

One day I drove into a small country village and stopped at a blacksmith's shop to have my horse shod. While waiting, I happened to drop into a large general store, and very soon entered into conversation with the proprietor, who was a jovial, good-natured fellow. He told me his latest story, when I thought to try and amuse him with one or two of mine, which I was very successful in doing.

In a few moments I mentioned that I was in the jewelry business, and before I had time to ask him to look at my goods, he said: "Bring in your truck, let's see what you've got, anyhow."

I brought them in and began quoting prices. He began picking out and laying to one side. I was worried to know whether he expected to buy on credit or pay cash.

He kept picking out and I told another story. He laughed heartily and said that was "the boss" and laid out more goods.

Finally he said: "What are your terms anyway or haven't you got any."

I answered: "No, I have no terms, everything net spot cash."

"What! Don't you give any cash discount?"

"I never have given any yet," was my reply.

"Well then, I suppose there is no use in my trying to get any."

In a few moments he directed me to make out my bill, which I did on a piece of brown paper. It amounted to a little over eighty-two dollars.

I threw off the extra few cents and he paid me the cash, after which I receipted the bill.

This particular sale was the ruination of my jewelry business for the time being, but as will be seen, proved to be the key-note to a very successful business in after years.

Having turned wholesaler, I was wholly and entirely unfitted for the business of peddling. My thoughts were completely turned from the latter and absorbed in the former.

Although I readily understood that it must necessarily take large capital to conduct such a business, I yet determined to give it a trial with my little stock.

I therefore telegraphed for more goods, and began driving from town to town making a few sales to the merchants, but none equal to my first one. I never found another merchant so anxious to look at my goods, nor so ready to buy. However, I readily understood that I must be persistent in showing to them the same as I had always been at private houses, and in many cases more so. I came in contact with one merchant whom I failed to understand perfectly well.

I called at his store and found him reading the paper. After introducing myself and explaining my business, he simply said he didn't want any jewelry.

"Well," said I, "I don't suppose you will object to looking at it, will you?" He made no reply. I then began laying my trays out on his counter.

After displaying them nicely, I stepped back to where he was sitting and still reading, and said to him: "I have them ready now, sir."

He stepped behind the counter, gathered up the trays, piled them in a heap, stepped to the front door, pitched the entire outfit into the middle of the street, and returned to his newspaper without a word.

My first impulse was to "have it out with him, then and there," but I suddenly thought of my stock in trade lying in the middle of the street, and "hus'led" to gather it up.

It took me a whole day to clean and re-card and get it in good shape, which work I did at the hotel, in the same town. I remained there over night and prepared for a new start the following morning.

The more I thought of the treatment I had received at his hands, the more I felt like having the matter settled before leaving. So after making all preparations for a start, I drove to his store, and just as I stepped from my buggy, he came around the corner from his residence and was about to enter the door.

I headed him off and said, "Mr. ——, I am about to leave this town, and before doing so, I propose to have a little settlement with you. Now, sir, you can have your choice of three things. Either make an apology for your beastly conduct yesterday, take a good thrashing or look my goods over in a gentlemanly manner. Now which do you prefer?"

At this I began laying off my coat.

He said he had no desire to look at my goods and didn't crave a thrashing, and guessed he would rather apologize, which he did, and I went on my way rejoicing, and I dare say in much better shape than I might have been in, had he shown as much fight as he did meanness the day before.

On account of my extremely small stock I found it up-hill work to succeed as a wholesaler. My first large sale had so completely turned my head, that I was unable to return to my former successful plan of peddling from house to house and continued on as a wholesaler, wending my way homeward.

On arriving there I drove to the old farm, and with much pride related my experience and success to the folks.

My mother said she wouldn't give fifty cents for all the jewelry in the box, and in all probability the horse would die or something happen to him sooner or later.

Mr. Keefer said he didn't know about the jewelry, but one thing was sure, the horse and buggy were fine.

I saw the utter foolishness of trying to be a wholesaler, and began searching about for a customer for my entire lot of jewelry, whom I soon found in the person of a young man, whose note I took for two hundred and fifty dollars, and his father as signer, payable six months after date.

The next day I drove down town, and as was my custom after arriving home from a trip, my creditors were the very first persons I called on, and as usual, assured them that I was still alive and "hus'ling."

I also showed them the note I had and offered to turn it over to either of them who would pay me the difference between its face value and what I owed them.

They said they would rather take my individual note for the amount of my indebtedness, which I gave, drawing interest at eight per cent., all of which footed up to several hundred dollars. Now I was ready for other business.



CHAPTER X

GREAT SUCCESS AS AN INSURANCE AGENT—SOLD OUT—ARRIVED AT CHICAGO—SELLING GOVERNMENT GOODS—ACQUIRING DISSIPATED HABITS—ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED—BROKE AMONG STRANGERS—HOW I MADE A RAISE—MY ARRIVAL HOME.

One day I met James Forster, an old acquaintance, who was engaged in the insurance business. He asked me if I didn't think I would make a good insurance agent.

I told him I had never tried it, but I knew I would.

He asked how I knew so much, if I had never tried it.

"Because I am no good at anything else," I answered.

He asked how I would like it. I assured him I ready to try it, and that I owned a horse and buggy to travel over the country with.

He then took me to his office and after giving me a few instructions, gave me the necessary papers and sent me out.

The very first day I took three applications. The company insured on the installment plan, by issuing a policy for five years, the first payment of forty cents a hundred per year, was to be paid when the application was taken, and the balance made payable in equal annual installments.

The agent's commission was the first installment, or twenty per cent. of the gross amount.

I was not long in learning that the rate charged by this company was just double that of any other in existence, but the people readily fell in with the idea of paying their insurance by installments.

I gave it a week's trial and was immensely successful, and turned my applications over to Mr. Forster, but was careful to sign my name to them in full, as sub-agent.

He made an equal division of commission with me, which I was not satisfied with. I then quit, when Mr. Forster called in about a week to see why I didn't keep "hus'ling," as I had been doing so nicely.

"Well," said I, "Mr. Forster, it's against my principles to steal and give some one else half. I can't afford to go out and rob my neighbors and acquaintances, and give you any part of it."

He had no more to say. A few days later, I received a letter from the secretary of this company, asking if I would like to become their agent. I answered that I would, and on receipt of my certificate went to work in earnest.

Before two weeks had elapsed, I was the agent for three other first-class fire companies, whose rates were as low as the lowest. I also had a first-class life and accident company. I commenced in the morning, and worked until late at night.

The first intimation I had that I was doing an extra good business, was when I received a letter from the secretary of one of the companies saying: "Go for them, Johnston, you have sent in more applications under one date, and made a larger thirty days' average, than has ever been made by any agent of our company," and added that I might consider that as a compliment, as they always had hundreds of agents, and in all parts of the United States. This letter was received from him after I had been working at the business some months. And I decided at once to quit the business forthwith.

As soon as I read it I said to myself:

"Now it is certain I can never get rich working at the insurance business." At least, I could not recall to my mind a single instance, where anyone had ever made more than a living, especially in a country town, and I argued, that if I had proved myself so far superior to all other insurance agents, I couldn't see why it wasn't possible for me also to excel in a better paying business.

I therefore desired to sell out, the first chance I got, which I soon did, receiving five hundred dollars for my business, horse and buggy.

I also had four hundred dollars' worth of notes I had taken for insurance, which belonged to me as commissions. These I got discounted, receiving in cash three hundred and twenty-five dollars. I then collected my note against the man to whom I had sold the jewelry.

Now I had over one thousand dollars in cash, and was ready to start for Chicago. I called on those creditors who held my notes, which were not yet due, and assured them I was on the right road to success, and that with the use of the money I then had, I was certain to win, as I thought of investing in jewelry as a jobber, which business, I had from my first experience, always determined to try again if I ever succeeded in getting money enough.

During this same summer, Mr. Keefer traded his fine farm three miles from town for a house and lot in town, and a small fruit farm one mile out, and received some cash besides. They had moved in town about the time I was ready to start for Chicago.

My mother said, that while I had so much money, it would be a good to pay back some I had borrowed of them, before I lost it all.

Mr. Keefer said there was no hurry about that, he knew I would pay it all back some day, because I had always told him I would, and he believed now I was going to make lots of money.

I bade them good-bye, and left for Chicago, where I arrived the following morning, when I immediately set out to investigate the jewelry business. I very soon became satisfied that the few wholesalers I had called upon were "wolves," and convinced that there was a wolf for every lamb, I "hus'led" away "to try the jewelry another day."

I then began scanning the "wants" and "business chances" in the different daily papers, when I noticed an advertisement from Colonel O. Lippencott, who was the United States agent for the sale of government goods, such as guns, saddles, harnesses, blankets, soldiers' clothing, etc., which had been left over after the late war.

I called on him, and he convinced me that with a stock of twenty-five hundred dollars, I could make money fast.

I asked how about one thousand dollars' worth. He said it wouldn't pay with so small a stock, and said I could pay one thousand dollars down, and give a bond for the other fifteen hundred dollars. I told him about Mr. Keefer, and he very soon ascertained that his bond would be good. He then filled one out and I sent it to him marked "confidential," along with a letter explaining "just how it was."

It was promptly returned to me with his signature attached.

The goods were soon packed and shipped to a point in Michigan. I hired a young man to go with me as clerk.

Our success was better than I anticipated.

I would rent a room in a fair-sized town and advertise extensively, and remain three or four weeks.

The young man I had with me was about my own age, a jolly good fellow, a sharp salesman and hard worker, but he had many extravagant habits which I had never yet fallen into.

He was fond of billiards, and insisted that I should learn the game, which I was foolish enough to do. In less than one week I was dreaming every night of ivory balls of all sizes and colors, of billiard cues of all weights and shapes, and tables of all styles. My clerk declared I had gotten up in the night and walked round and round our bed, with an old broom in my hand, trying to play billiards and talking in my sleep about carrom and masse shots and pocketing balls.

I had no reason to doubt his statement, for it was a fact that I had become so infatuated with the game that it was almost impossible to resist it, and in fact I had no desire to do so.

I enjoyed it greatly, so much so that I got into the habit of leaving the store during business hours to indulge in it. And there never was an evening that we were not in the billiard room till it closed for the night. My clerk was a good player, and enjoyed playing with me no doubt, because he could easily beat me, and because I had plenty of money with which to pay the bills.

He was fond of balls and parties, and like myself, enjoyed ladies' society, and we were both susceptible to their influence. We soon fell in with the "jolly good fellows" of every town, many of whom were able to indulge in a lavish expenditure of money, while by rights neither of us could afford anything better than a plain, comfortable living; but as we had joined them, we must be "good fellows" also. Consequently I very soon found my business running behind.

There was no day when the profits were not large, but my expenses were enormous. I realized that the billiard game was dragging me down, and every night after settling my bills I would say that I didn't think I would ever play any more. I was very careful however, not to declare myself against it entirely, because I loved it too well.

We traveled from town to town constantly running behind. Towards spring we made a stop at Bronson, Michigan, where we continued to "fly high," as we used to express it, and at this place while attending a ball, I met a young lady who afterwards became my wife. We remained there six weeks, when my clerk left for home.

As my contract with Colonel Lippencott would expire on March first, at which time I was to return all unsold goods, for which I would receive credit, or cash refunded, I packed and shipped my remaining stock to him, with instructions to send me a statement of account to White Pigeon, Michigan. There I went with a view to meeting an old friend, who I found had left for the West a few days prior to my arrival. Finding, however, a comfortable stopping place, I remained there to await the statement from Colonel Lippencott.

I of course realized, from my rude system of book-keeping, and the way the goods invoiced, that I was a considerable loser. The way I figured it, I would have at least one hundred dollars my due on settlement. But imagine my surprise, when I received a statement showing a shortage of seventy-five dollars, which Mr. Keefer would be obliged to pay. I was then owing a week's board bill, and had not a cent to my name.

After carefully examining Colonel Lippencott's statement, I was satisfied that he was correct.

I saw where I had failed to charge myself up and credit him with nearly two hundred dollars' worth of goods, at a time, no doubt, when I had an engagement with some "dude" to play billiards.

I immediately wrote Colonel Lippencott that I would return home soon, when the deficit would be made good.

I was now at a loss to know how to "make a raise." While sitting in the hotel office one afternoon contemplating matters most seriously, and feeling silly and foolish over my winter's exploit, a young, despondent-looking chap came into the office carrying a valise and bag, about half filled with something. He registered, and after making rates with the landlord, took a seat near me. He had a woe-begone look, and seemed nervous and anxious.

I immediately opened up conversation with him, and learned he was from a small town in Illinois, whence he had started as a canvasser, selling nutmeg-graters.

I asked how he was doing. He said he had been out three days, and hadn't sold a grater.

I asked if he had worked hard, and he said yes, but he hadn't "nerve" enough for that business.

I asked him to show me one, which he did.

They were a very novel, ingenious thing, and I asked him about the price.

He said he could sell them for twenty-five cents, and make money. I told him he could sell more at fifty cents each, than he could at twenty-five.

He said he couldn't see how that could be, and I reminded him of what Barnum said about the American people.

To this he replied: "By gol, I'll be gosh durn glad to sell all I have fer just what they cost me."

"How much would that be?"

"One dollar and fifty cents per dozen," he answered.

"How many have you?"

"Twenty dozen."

I took the one he was showing me and putting it into my pocket, started out. I called at a general store and enquired for the proprietor, and when pointed out to me, stepped up to him briskly, and said:

"Mr. ——, do you want to make some money?"

"Why yes, that's what I am here for."

"Well then, sir," producing the novelty, "how would you like the exclusive sale of this, one of the fastest-selling and most useful articles ever manufactured. I have only twenty dozen left, and some one in this town is going to have them. You can put a basket full on your counter, sir, and sell one or more to every lady visiting your store."

"What do they retail at?" he asked.

"Fifty cents each."

"What is the wholesale price?"

"Three dollars a dozen, but as I have only twenty dozen left, you can have them at two dollars and seventy-five cents per dozen."

"I'll give you fifty dollars spot cash for the lot," he said, after figuring a moment.

"All right, I guess you can have them." And I quickly delivered them and received the cash.

Thirty dollars of this the young man received with much satisfaction, while with the other twenty I felt quite comfortable myself.

After paying my hotel bill I departed for Ohio.

On my arrival home I explained to my folks "just how it all happened." My mother said "she always thought I would turn out a gambler anyhow, and didn't expect anything else when I left home, only that I would lose all I had before getting back."

Mr. Keefer said "it was too bad, and I ought to have knocked the whole top of that clerk's head off for getting me into such habits."



CHAPTER XI.

MORE HELP FROM MR. KEEFER—OFF TO SEE MY GIRL—EMBARKED IN THE AGRICULTURAL-IMPLEMENT BUSINESS WITHOUT CAPITAL—MARRIED—SOLD OUT—IN THE GROCERY BUSINESS—COLLAPSED—RUNNING A BILLIARD HALL—COLLAPSED AGAIN—NEWSPAPER REPORTER FOR A MYSTERIOUS MURDER.

The next day I called Mr. Keefer to one side, informed him—on the quiet—about my shortage of seventy-five dollars and suggested going to the bank and borrowing about a hundred dollars, as it would be necessary for me to have a few dollars to "sort of bridge me over" till I could get on my feet again. He said he guessed that would be all right, so we borrowed the money.

The next day I received a very affectionate letter from my girl and started forthwith for Michigan, arriving there in time to escort her to the last and grandest ball of the season, at an expense of more than half the amount of my last loan.

I was very anxious to get married at once, but being a little short financially, concluded to postpone it a few days at least. A couple of days later I received a letter from my uncle, A. S. Johnston, who was then living at Three Rivers, Michigan, and who had previously started me in the fruit business in Chicago. He informed me that he was general agent in Southern Michigan for C. H. & L. J. McCormick's reapers and mowers, and if I would come there he would make me their local agent at that place.

Bidding my girl an affectionate farewell I departed, and arrived at my uncle's with forty cents in cash and six dirty shirts.

On my way there I fell in company with two gentlemen traveling together, one of whom was selling horse-rakes and the other threshing-machines.

I explained to them that I was on my way to Three Rivers, where I expected to become an agent for my uncle. They then remembered having met him somewhere on the road, and one of them suggested that I might also be able to sell horse-rakes and threshing-machines. I told them I had thought some of putting in a few later on. They then became anxious to have me take the agency for their implements, but as I had in my mind the goods of other manufacturers which I believed had a better reputation, I hesitated about handling theirs.

They became very much interested and urged me to let them send on consignment a car-load of horse-rakes and four threshing-machines. I finally consented on condition that they prepay the freight, which they agreed to do.

I informed my uncle of my intentions of starting in the agricultural-implement business. He asked how I expected to do so on forty cents capital.

I answered that all I needed was a sign over some good shed, and a boarding house where they would be willing to wait till after harvest for their pay.

Sign-painting had been his trade, so he said he would furnish the sign, and I could live with them until I got returns.

That afternoon I arranged to have the use of a vacant lot which was in a good locality, and as soon as possible erected a sign as large as the broad-side of a barn, which read as follows:

"J. P. JOHNSTON, DEALER IN ALL KINDS OF AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS. C. H. & L. J. McCORMICK'S REAPERS AND MOWERS FOR SALE."

In less than two months I had several thousand dollars' worth of all kinds of implements, which had been consigned to me, freight prepaid.

I very soon made the acquaintance of a young man who owned a good horse, which he kindly offered to loan me to canvass the farmers with. I then began looking about to find some one who would loan me a harness and carriage, when my attention was called to the advertisement of a lot of carriages to be sold at auction that very day. I called on the owner and told him I needed a carriage, and asked what the terms of the sale would be.

He said a note payable in one year, would be acceptable from responsible parties, and then asked my name. I said: "I am J. P. Johnston, the agricultural man."

"What! the man with the big sign across the street?"

I replied: "The same."

"O, well," he said, "your note is good."

I bid in a fine carriage, giving my note, which, by the way, was paid in less than six months. I then borrowed a harness and began a general raid on the farmers, and succeeded fairly well.

The only unpleasantness I experienced in the sale of implements was that of a check-row corn-planter, which was new to the farmers in that section as well as to myself. I, of course, assumed to know all about it, when in fact, I was unable to in the least comprehend the method of operating it, even after studying the directions carefully, and committing them to memory so as to give a glowing description of it and its great advantages.

One day a farmer came driving up to my "office" in a great hurry and informed me of his intention to buy a corn-planter, and stated that he had a piece of ground all prepared, and asked me to go and show him "how the thing worked." Of course there was nothing else for me to do but to go. So we loaded one on to the wagon and started.



Arriving at the farm we hitched one of the old mares on and started for the field, when I very soon learned that the farmer had a much better idea of the "machine" than I did. But in order to make him conscious of my importance it was necessary for me to oppose him in many things, some of which were no doubt injurious to the job.



After he had set the stakes and drawn the line across the field, we were ready for a start. I was to hold the "machine," and he to drive the horse. As we were about to start he suggested that I had better take off my coat, vest, boots and stockings, and roll up my pants. I did so.

The wisdom of this move will be seen later. The old mare started on a gait equal to that of the "deaf drover" over the rough roads. I held tight to the handles, making lofty jumps from one step to another, sinking into the plowed ground almost to my knees each time. Before we were half through the field I was in a profuse perspiration, and had succeeded in knocking one of my great toe-nails entirely off, which afterwards laid me up for two weeks. When we reached the other end he looked solemnly at me and said: "By gosh! you can run like a racehorse can't you?"

"Yes," I replied, almost out of breath, "and you are no slouch yourself."

I then took a comfortable seat on a fence-rail and asked him if that was the fastest horse he owned. He answered: "No, by gosh, I own one that can out-trot this one."

"Yes," I said, "but trotters won't do here. We must have a running horse to do this right."

After skimming over a couple of acres which took but a few minutes, we concluded to make an investigation to see how evenly the kernels were being distributed.

Although it seemed to us that we were using up a large quantity of corn we found but few hills containing more than the average number of kernels.

Of course we only examined along the line opposite each check, having no thought of finding any corn between them.

I then suggested that he finish it alone, as I must return to town to attend to important business.

This he agreed to and I left at once. In about ten days he drove up in front of the office and beckoned me out, when he said:

"Get in here young man, I want to show you something."

I climbed in the wagon and he started for home.

On the way he asked me how long I had been in that business, adding that he "didn't suppose I had ever worked in a shop where they made corn-planters."

I assured him that my time had always been too valuable for that.

He said he "supposed so."

When we arrived at the corn-field he drew a long breath and said:

"Now sir, you have done a deal of blowing about your old check-row corn-planters. As you see, this corn is high enough to judge, and if you can find a single row in this whole field, I'll buy you out."

I admitted that there were no rows, and said to him in a confidential way: "My dear sir, I supposed you understood that this machine was intended to sow broadcast."

"Broadcast the d——l!" he replied, and flew into a rage, declaring he would sue me for damages. I then said to him as I motioned towards the house: "Come inside, I want to show you something."

He followed me in, and I took an old slipper and a woolen sock off my foot, and without unwrapping the toe, said, pointing to it: "Sir, if I have that toe taken off, I shall be obliged to compel you to pay for it."

His wife, a silly-looking mortal, stared vacantly for a moment and then said: "I can't see what use he would have for the toe, if you did have it taken off."

We then compromised, he agreeing to stand the results of the corn crop, and I the consequences of the sore toe. As soon as a new nail grew out, I made a trip through the country, and brought up one Saturday evening at Bronson, where "my girl" lived.

I couldn't give up the idea of getting married, and as my prospective mother-in-law quite agreed with me that it would be the best thing to do, we lost no time in arranging matters. The marriage took place the following week, and I immediately returned to Three Rivers with my bride.

We remained but a short time, until my uncle expressed a desire to become interested in the business. I then turned it all over to him, as I felt it was too slow to suit me. I had been there six months, and left with about that many hundred dollars.

We proceeded to Ohio, and explained to my folks "just how it all happened." My mother said "she couldn't see how I had managed to live so long without a wife." Mr. Keefer said "he'd bet it was the best thing that ever happened to me."

My mother wanted to know what next, and how I expected to support a wife and pay my debts, when I had never yet shown enough ability to support myself?

I frankly confessed that during my courtship I absolutely forgot that I owed any one, and that it seemed to have been a secondary consideration with me.

However, I called on all my creditors, and, after showing them a nice roll of money as evidence that I had been "hus'ling," I received their sanction to my investing the money in jewelry, and going on the road as a wholesaler. I then opened correspondence with a firm in Chicago who had been recommended to me as headquarters on jewelry, arranging to call on them in a few days. They informed me that five hundred dollars would buy a fair stock, to start with.

We returned to the home of my wife's parents; and the day before I was to start for Chicago, her father, who was engaged in the grocery business, called me one side and explained that he had become involved, and that the money I had would bridge him over; and if I would put it in his business and help him run it he would give me half the profits and board myself and wife.

This I consented to do, and had no sooner settled down to business than his creditors began crowding him, and in a very short time the business "collapsed." The only thing I had from the wreck was an old billiard-table which he turned over to me. As I had had quite a sad experience in the billiard business only a year before, I now thought I saw my only chance to get even. I therefore rented a room and opened a billiard hall.

This was a regular bonanza, for about three weeks. Indeed, too much so, for then, to my regret, the "City dads" passed an ordinance prohibiting the running of billiard rooms. As I had commenced housekeeping about the time I opened the billiard room, and had gone in debt for my furniture, I found myself in a sad plight. The sale of the outfit enabled me to pay but a small portion of my indebtedness.

I was now stranded, and ready for something else, but was completely non-plussed to know what to do next. Of course I realized by this time that I had a wife, and a "mother-in-law," and it began to look as though there must be some genuine "hus'ling" done.

About this time the whole country thereabouts was thrown into the wildest excitement over the supposed mysterious murder of Almeda Davis, for which a young man named Bunnell was arrested, tried and acquitted. Deputy-sheriff Dennis, who made the arrest, came to me the next day after the young lady's death, and asked me to write it up for some of the leading City Dailies. I agreed to do so, and to always give him a good "send off," if he would furnish me with the minutest facts during the whole case. He did so, and I guess would be surprised to learn that I made more money out of that trial than he did, if it was a new business to me. But it made us a comfortable living until about the middle of winter, when I decided to move back to Ohio. Before arranging to leave, I called on my creditors at Bronson—there were five of them—and explained my position. They each agreed that I could do nothing there, and might better make a change, and that they would gladly wait till I could make a raise before asking or expecting me to pay.

We then proceeded to Ohio, arriving home "broke," where I explained to my folks "just how it all happened."

My mother said she thought I had done splendidly "for a married man."

Mr. Keefer said "It did beat the d——l!"



CHAPTER XII.

MORE HELP FROM MR. KEEFER—SIX WEEKS AS A HORSE-TRAINER—A MYSTERIOUS PARTNER—COLLAPSED—HOW I MADE A RAISE—HOME AGAIN—FATHER TO A BOUNCING BOY.

Soon after my arrival home I received a letter from a horse-trainer then located at Springfield, Ohio, saying I had been recommended to him as a splendid horse-back rider, a general "hus'ler" in business, and possibly a good advertiser. As these were the requirements needed in his business, he would give me a half interest in the same if I would join him. He then went on to state the marvelous works he could do.

When I read this letter to my folks, my mother said she thought it a splendid chance to get my neck broke, and leave a young widow.

Mr. Keefer said he'd bet I could ride any horse the fellow had.

I then gave Mr. Keefer the wink, and he followed me to the barn, when I began negotiations for a small loan to take me to Springfield. He then explained to me for the first time, that his affairs had become somewhat embarrassed, through a bad investment, and it was almost impossible for him to make both ends meet; "but," he added, "I have never yet refused you, because I have always had faith in you; and I believe in your ability to some day make lots of money, and I will see what I can do to help you once more."

That day he called on a friend who loaned him the few dollars I needed, and as he handed it to me he said: "I know it will all come right some day."

I now began to realize what a pleasure it would be could I embark in a well-paying business, just at the time when Mr. Keefer was in adverse circumstances.

As there was no other opening for me, I immediately started for Springfield, where I met the young horse-trainer, Prof. De Voe, with whom I at once proceeded to form a co-partnership. He was a conundrum to me, from the very outset. A short, thick-set young man, not over eighteen years of age, with bushy, black hair, and dark eyes, a large Roman nose, and extremely small hands and feet.



He was thoroughly posted in the science of Horse-training, first-class in giving instructions, but poor in execution. I immediately wrote some advertising matter, and after having it printed we started on our trip.

Our plan was to break unruly horses, and teach the method of doing it. We would select one of the handsomest horses in the town where we were operating, and I would first break him to ride under the saddle without a bridle; then we would teach him to drive to the carriage without reins, by the motion of the whip.

We had a splendid trade for about two weeks, and worked into the State of Kentucky. We very soon learned that the people there knew more about horses than we ever knew.

My partner and myself were frequently compelled to occupy the same room at the hotels, and he would often frighten me half out of my wits, in the middle of the night, by breaking out with a beautiful song, in a sweet soprano voice; and at other times would get up in his sleep and, after taking his position on a foot-stool, would strike out in a splendid lecture on either the anatomy of the horse, or the art of training him.

I would frequently wait and let him close his speech; after thanking his supposed audience, he would again retire, without ever waking, or realizing what he had done. There was no time when I ever heard him do half so well in his lectures as when asleep.

He wore a boot three sizes too large, and gave as a reason for this, that if a horse happened to step on his feet it wouldn't hurt his toes.

I often laughed at this foolish whim, and failed to quite understand him. We remained together until we "collapsed," at Bowling Green, when we decided to dissolve partnership.

He pawned a small lady's gold watch, which he said his deceased wife had left him, and with the money bought a ticket for Cincinnati. I was undecided whether to continue horse-training, or try and strike something else.

After Prof. De Voe left, I remained at the hotel but a few days, when a gentleman arrived there from the East, selling County rights for a patent gate.

I remembered having had a conversation with a gentleman the day before, who said he wanted to invest a hundred dollars in a good paying business.

I asked the patent-right man what commission he would allow if I would find a customer. He said twenty-five per cent. In less than two hours I had sold a county for one hundred dollars. I received the twenty-five dollars, and after settling my board bill, started for home.

On my way I stopped off a day in Cincinnati. While passing by a cheap second-class hotel, a voice came from an upper window: "Halloo, Johnston!" I halted, looked up and "hallooed" back. A lady, with her head projecting out of the window, said: "Come up in the sitting-room." I did as requested.

As I opened the door, she stepped forward and extended her hand, with the remark: "How are you, Prof. Johnston? Where did you leave Prof. De Voe?" I answered the question, adding: "Madam, you know me, but I can't place you, although your countenance looks familiar."

She then stepped to a door leading into a bedroom, and asked me to look inside and see if I saw anything that looked natural.

The very first article my eyes fell upon was a familiar-looking valise, with the name, "Prof. De Voe," printed on it, and the same one that I had frequently carried and had checked, on our recent horse-training trip.

I then turned to the lady, and at once saw every expression of the Professor's face in hers, and realized for the first time how I had been deceived. Standing there before me, with the form and countenance of Prof. De Voe, was one of the handsomest and most graceful young ladies I had ever met. Instantly there came to mind the small feet, and the flimsy excuse for wearing large boots. I also called to mind the sweet soprano voice while singing, the lady's gold watch that was pawned, the fact of the Professor having always persisted in looking under the bed before retiring, and the timidity shown at the sudden appearance of a mouse in the room; and one time in particular, when the landlord where we stopped asked if we would occupy the same room and bed, I objected seriously, telling him that I didn't like to sleep with any man.

The incident just related is very unusual, and far from the range of most people's experience.

The old adage, "Truth is stranger than fiction" is ably illustrated here. And to prove its authenticity, I will say that I have letters in my possession from Prof. De Voe, who is living with her second husband, in Cincinnati, in which mention is made of our experience.

I of course felt humiliated that I had traveled six weeks with a lady as partner without discovering the fact, but felt nevertheless that it was not due to my stupidity, as I could readily see how perfect her disguise was.

She explained to me that her husband—Prof. De Voe—had skipped to Canada, through having financial trouble, and had left her with but little money, several suits of clothes which fitted her nicely, and a fair knowledge of horse-training, in which she felt certain to succeed. I will here add that since my residence in Chicago I purchased a very handsome balky horse for ninety dollars, which I succeeded in breaking within ten days by Prof. De Voe's method, and afterwards sold him for five hundred dollars.

While at Cincinnati I received a message summoning me home, where I arrived the following morning, and two days later became the father of a bouncing eleven-pound boy.

On my arrival home I explained to my folks "just how it all happened."

My mother said it showed just how bright I was, to travel six weeks with a man and not know he was a woman.

Mr. Keefer said he guessed there was no harm done.



CHAPTER XIII.

ENGAGED IN THE PATENT-RIGHT BUSINESS—MY TRADE WITH BROTHER LONG—THE COMPROMISE—MY SECOND TRADE WITH A DEACON—HIS SUNDAY HONESTY AND WEEK-DAY ECONOMY—A NEW PARTNER—THE LANDLORD AND HIS CREAM BISCUITS—HOW WE HEADED HIM OFF—A TRADE FOR A BALKY HORSE—HOW WE PERSUADED HIM TO GO—OUR FINAL SETTLEMENT WITH THE LANDLORD.

The next day I received a letter from an old gentleman living at Bronson, Mich., who had just patented a dropper for a reaping-machine, and wanted me to sell County rights for him, and establish agencies. As a drowning man clutches at a straw, so did I embrace this opportunity, and instructed him to send on his papers at once, with the model. He did so. On the day I received it my mother and myself were walking down street, when I noticed her bowing to an elderly gentleman driving a handsome pair of bay horses. I asked his name. She said it was Brother Long.

"Brother Long," said I; "and who is Brother Long?"

"Why, he is a deacon in our church."

"Oh, I see. I wonder if he wouldn't like to trade those horses for patent rights?" I ventured to remark.

She sarcastically observed that she would like to see me trade him out of those beautiful horses.

That afternoon I called at his house with my model, and as I stepped in, said: "How-do-you-do, Brother Long?" He smiled pleasantly, and extending his hand inquired my name. "Why," said I, "I am a son of your sister Keefer. Johnston is my name. Mr. Keefer is my step-father." "O, I understand. Take a chair; lay off your hat. Aren't you the young man who led in prayer the other evening?"

I told him I didn't remember just what evening I did attend prayer-meeting last, but didn't think I was the one he alluded to.

I then said: "Brother Long, I am representing Warner's patent dropper for a reaping-machine, and am desirous of making you agent for this County. I don't ask you to invest anything, nor to give your signature; neither do I give you mine. I simply leave you a model, and you are to sell as many as possible, on which we allow you a regular commission of twenty-five per cent. Or, if you see fit to buy a few counties, you can then make fifty per cent. on all you sell in your own territory; and should you sell any County rights for us we would allow you all over one hundred dollars that you got for them." He said he wouldn't care to invest the cash, although he would like to own enough County rights to make him a nice business.

I then told him I would trade for a good team of horses. He said he owned a first-class team, which he held at six hundred dollars.

I at once saw that he wasn't very slow himself in dealing, as I had been informed that he had offered his team for three hundred dollars. He said he didn't think he would care to let the team go and take it all in County rights; but he would take two counties and four hundred dollars in cash.

I looked the horses over, and liked them first rate; and thought they would make a fine pair on the road. I then said: "Brother Long, I am anxious to get you interested in this invention, and I'll make you an offer, although I may not be able to carry out my part of the contract; but if I don't, you will be one county ahead anyway."

He asked what my proposition would be. I told him I would give him Sandusky County and four hundred dollars, provided I could induce Mr. Warner, the inventor, to advance that amount. And as evidence of my good faith and to bind the bargain, I would deed him the County then and there, and he was to keep the team till the fifteenth of the next month, when, if I didn't take them and pay over the four hundred dollars, we would forfeit the County. He said that was perfectly satisfactory. Before leaving him I remarked that I felt certain that just as soon as he saw what a good thing he had, he would gladly take County rights for the balance due on the horses.

He said: "Possibly."

He commenced operations at once. In a very few days he came rushing up to Mr. Keefer's house, and with much excitement demanded a deed for four more counties. I made it out for him, and asked if he wanted to pay currency or give a check for it.

"O, no," he said; "Neither. I want to sell them to a customer of mine, and then I'll bring you the money."

I informed him that such a proceeding would be contrary to my orders and custom of doing business.

He then suggested that I take the horses and give him the deed, as I had bargained for them anyhow.

I agreed to this, and he delivered them to me on presentation of the deed.

As he left the house he smiled triumphantly, and holding up the deed, said: "I'll clear just five hundred dollars on this!"

I enjoyed a few rides, and was about to trade for a carriage and harness, when one evening a day or two after our deal, I came into the dining room from the back door of Mr. Keefer's house, and heard the sound of a familiar voice issuing from the sitting-room. It said: "Sister Keefer, I have made a great mistake. Will you induce your son to trade back?"

I stepped inside, and Brother Long came forward in his usual solemn, prayerful manner, and taking me by the hand, said: "Brother Johnston, may the Lord have mercy upon us."

I said: "Amen, Brother Long; what can I do for you? How many counties do you want this time?"

"My dear young brother, I have more counties than I need, more than I can use."

"But," I said, "you haven't any more than you bargained for."

"Indeed, Brother Johnston, I can never sell it all. Will you please trade back? This is my first experience in the patent-right business, and pray to the Lord it shall be the last."

I asked what had become of his customer, and inquired his name.

Brother Long went on then to explain how an Irishman, living neighbor to him, had called at his house and, after seeing the model, went half crazy over it, and wanted to buy ten counties. He agreed to pay in the neighborhood of a thousand dollars, and in his enthusiasm made a deposit of "tin dollars, as ividence of me good faith." On the strength of that sale he had made the trade.

"Well, Great Heavens!" said I, "aren't you satisfied with five or six hundred dollars profit, on a little deal like that?"

"Yes," he answered; "had I sold the counties the profits would have suited all right."

"But you just told me you had sold them, and the Irishman had deposited ten dollars to bind the bargain."

"True, he did," said Brother Long, "but he came back the next day after I had traded, and said: 'A divil a bit of a county can I take at all, at all. Me old wife threatens to scald me, if I bring even one county into the house!'"

"Well, but you kept his ten dollars, didn't you?"

"Of course I did," he yelled out.

"Well, then, you ought to be satisfied," I ventured to remark.

"What! Satisfied with ten dollars?"

"Yes; with all these County rights besides."

"Brother Johnston," said he, "will you trade back, and give me the team for the counties?"

I answered: "I am not trading for territory, Brother Long. I am selling it."

About this time the greater portion of Brother Long's family appeared on the scene, and were re-inforced by my mother in their entreaties to me to trade back. She said it was too bad for Brother Long, and I must do it.

Mr. Keefer said: "It did beat the d——l!"

I then told Brother Long that I was like him in this respect, that I wasn't doing business exclusively for glory; and that a few dollars, just at that stage of the game, would be a matter of great consideration with me.

He then offered me two dollars if I would trade back.

"Well, Brother Long," said I, "you begin to talk now as I want to hear you, except that your figures are a little below my idea of a fair compensation for my trouble."

He then anxiously inquired what my ideas were of what would be right.

"About one hundred and fifty dollars," I answered.

"O, Heavens! what shall I do? Sister Keefer, what shall I do? Shall we engage in prayer? What shall I do? What shall I do?"

Then they surrounded me, and made a general clamor for a compromise.

I dropped to a hundred dollars.

He offered twenty-five.

I fell to seventy-five.

He offered to split the difference, and he to return all the territory except one county.

After thinking the matter all over, and considering that he was a nice old gentleman and a Methodist brother, I concluded to trade back.

A few days later Brother Long and I met in the Post-office just when the mail was being distributed, and the place crowded. We were the center of attraction.

He smiled grimly at me, and while passing by said: "The fools are not all dead yet, are they, Johnston?"

"No, Brother Long," I answered; "and there is no fool like an old fool."

About three weeks later I started on a tour through Ohio, making several agents and selling a few Township and County rights.

Another little experience with a Methodist deacon will come in here, and I will tell it. He was a farmer, living a few miles south of Marion, Ohio.

I had hired a rig, in the above town, to drive into the country to meet a gentleman with whom I had previously made an engagement. When our business was finished and I was about to leave, he bantered me to call on his neighbor, Deacon ——, who had a notorious reputation for his hatred of agents and peddlers.

As I always considered it good practice to meet such men, I was glad of the chance to make this particular visit. I reached the house just as the deacon and his sons came in for dinner.

I hitched my horse, and when about to pass through the gate the front door opened, and the man's voice, at its highest pitch, shouted out: "Stop right where you are sir. Stop; stop, I tell you. Stop!"

I put my hand to my ear, as if hard of hearing, and imitating as nearly as I could the tone peculiar to deaf persons, said: "No, no, thank you; I don't care to put my horse out. I can feed her after I get to Marion. No, no; never mind; just as much obliged." By this time I had reached the door, and passed directly inside.

I had the floor.

And I did all the talking for the first half hour.

The old gentleman concluded that I was an exception to the general run of agents. He then began talking religion, as soon as I quit talking Patent rights. He said I ought to make my peace with God; and when I replied that God and I had always been on splendid terms, he became almost frantic, and said that I was worse than any lightning-rod agent, and added that there never was an agent of any kind who ever pretended to tell the truth, and he wouldn't believe any of them under oath. I then said I wouldn't expect him to believe my statements, so would leave the question entirely with him and his sons whether they would deal or not. They soon began talking business to the point.

I figured on paper, and showed how one son could make more money in a single year, with one County right, than they could all make on the farm in two years.

My price for the County was one hundred dollars.

They proposed to give fifty, and I offered to split the difference and take seventy-five.

This was satisfactory, provided I would take half cash, and a note for the balance payable in one year. I agreed to it, if the old gentleman would go to Marion with me and help negotiate the note.

He said he had got to go to town anyhow, and would ride with me; and the boys could drive over after him that evening.

After making out the necessary papers and receiving my cash, we started on the turn-pike road towards Marion.

While riding along, the old gentleman gave me some very wholesome advice, saying he didn't do it because he really thought me to be a very bad fellow, but he wanted to see every young man grow up to be truthful, moral, honorable and upright. I thanked him, and told him I believed he was a mighty nice man. He said that was the reputation he bore thereabouts.

While driving leisurely along, conversing on different topics, we came to a blacksmith's shop on a three-corners, and the old gentleman remarked that when we came to the toll-gate, if I would tell the old lady gate-keeper that I came in at that shop, I could save some toll; adding, that she needn't know but I picked him up somewhere on the road.

"Yes, that's so," I answered. "That's a mighty good scheme."

He seemed to feel highly elated at suggesting such a brilliant idea.

As we were approaching the toll-gate, I said: "I wish you would pay my toll, and when we get to town I will get some change and hand it back to you."

When we stopped at the gate he asked: "How much?"

The old lady says: "How far have you come on the pike?"

He turned to me as if expecting me to answer; but I was suddenly taken with a severe fit of coughing.

The deacon said: "This gentleman came in at the blacksmith shop."

"Four cents," said the gate-keeper. We drove on, and when I began to laugh he asked what was up.

"Well, I'll tell you; I was just laughing to think how much more I am like Jim Fisk than you are."

"How so?"

"Well, sir, I might possibly tell eight lies for a dollar, but I wouldn't tell one for a shilling."

He seemed much chagrined, when I put the matter before him as I did. He said, in explanation, that he never believed in toll-gates, anyhow, had always advocated free turn-pikes, and thought it little harm to economize at their expense.

After discounting his note at the bank, I returned home to see how "the boy" was getting on.

A few days later I took the agency for another Patent, and gave up the dropper, which was too hard to sell. An acquaintance joined me, when we started on what proved to be a red-hot Patent-right campaign, and with the usual results of all Patent-right schemes.

When ready for a start, we had just about money enough to pay our expenses to Napoleon, Ohio, where we had decided to go. On arriving there we took quarters at a first-class hotel, and began "hus'ling" to find a customer. When we had been there about ten days, the landlord, a very pleasant little gentleman, called my partner one side, and said he guessed he would have to ask us for a little money.

"Well," said Frank, "all right, sir; all right, sir. Make out your cussed old bill. I am not in the habit of being asked for money before I am ready to leave. However, you can make out your bill, and receipt it in full, sir!"

"Oh, no, no!" he remonstrated; "I'll do nothing of the kind, sir. It was not my intention to insult you, Let it go. Let it go. It's all right. I meant nothing out of the way."

Frank cooled down; and as he passed by me said, sotto voce; "I guess we can stay all summer now, if we want to."

While at Napoleon, we had been in correspondence with several parties in different towns, who were known to me as traders. After spending two weeks there, we received a letter requesting us to visit a neighboring town, where there was a prospect for a good trade. We had succeeded in selling one Township right, which brought us cash enough for incidental expenses.

Hence we were unable to pay our hotel bill, and as the landlord was not in the office when we were ready to go, we simply left a note saying we would return later.

We were gone two weeks, barely paying expenses, and returned to Napoleon. Rushing into the hotel office, we grasped the landlord by both hands, saying: "Did you think we had jumped our board bill, landlord?"

"Well, by golly, I didn't know what to think of it."

"Oh, pshaw! You ought to know us by this time. How are the nice cream biscuit? Suppose you've got some for tea, haven't you? Guess we'll wash. Put us down for a good room, landlord. How are the folks, landlord?"

He said he had thought all the time we would turn up again, some day. We then explained the nature of our business, and told him he needn't be surprised if we left suddenly at any time; but he could always look for us back, sooner or later. We remained two weeks longer, with about the same success that had attended us before.

One day the landlord pulled a chair up by me, in the office, and said very mildly and pleasantly,

"Mr. Johnston, I have never yet asked you for money, and——"

"No," I quickly interrupted, "you never have, and I certainly respect you for it. If there is anything on this earth I dislike, it is a penurious, suspicious, narrow-minded landlord—always dunning his guests, and treating them like tramps. And I'd leave a man's house as soon as I could settle up and get out, if I was ever dunned by him."

"Well, I going to say, I never make a practice of dunning gentlemen who stop with me, and——"

"Well, that's right, landlord, that's right, and you'll make friends, in the long run, by not doing so. When I get ready to quit a hotel for good, I've got sense enough to ask for my bill, and then settle in full—and that is all anyone can ask for. How about the cream biscuit for supper, landlord?"

He said he guessed they were going to have some; and then asked how business was, anyway.

I told him our business had almost frightened us.

He said that was good.

Frank, who was sitting behind the stove listening to the conversation, said, as I passed by him a moment later: "I guess he'll lay still now."

About this time we received a letter from a sewing-machine agent at Hicksville, saying he would trade a machine for a County right. We left forthwith, without even bidding the landlord good-bye.

It took us four days to trade for the machine, and money enough to pay our expenses for that time.

We shipped the machine to Napoleon, and returned there ourselves on the first train. When we entered the hotel, we both rushed for the proprietor, saying, as we grasped his hands:

"How are you, landlord? How is everything? Did you think we had left for good, landlord? Hope you didn't think we had jumped our board-bill? Guess we'll take a wash. Put us down for a good room, landlord. How are the cream biscuit? Suppose we'll have some for supper. How are all the folks?"

He looked a little woe-begone, and said he was glad to see us back; and he knew we would turn up soon.

The next morning we had the sewing-machine set up in the hotel office. This seemed to console the landlord somewhat, as it was a brand new machine.

However, he appeared crest-fallen, a day or two later, when we sold it for forty dollars cash, and pocketed the money, saying nothing.

In a couple of days we took another sudden departure, for Bryan, Ohio, where we traded for an old horse, harness and wagon.

The horse proved to be an obstreperous, balky thing, and as contrary as a mule. I used all of my knowledge of horse-training, with no effect. One day, just when he had balked, we met some boys near a corn-crib, on their way home from fishing. One of them had a long fishing-rod and a stout line, I gave him twenty-five cents for it and asked him to bring an ear of corn from the field. He did so, and after tying the corn to the end of the line, I held the pole over the horse's head, and let the corn hang about two feet from his nose. He started right off, and we had no further difficulty in persuading him to go.



If we failed to hold the corn in plain sight he would stop at once.

We hacked around over the country, first one holding the pole and then the other, becoming so accustomed to it that we often wondered what people were laughing at, as we passed them.

In a few days we arrived at Napoleon, drove up in front of the hotel, jumped out, ordered our horse put out, rushed in, grabbed the proprietor by the hands, with—"How are you, landlord? Did you think we had jumped our board bill this time? How are the folks? Guess we'll take a wash. Put us down for a good room, landlord. Any cream biscuit for supper to-night?"

He said: "By gol, I didn't hardly know what to think of it, this time; but I thought perhaps you would turn up, after a while."

He seemed delighted that we had brought a horse and wagon with us, and we tried to sell it to him. He would have bought, only that the fish-pole-and-corn scheme had to be kept up, to make the horse go.

After about three days we again left; and then succeeded in making a very fair trade, coming into possession of a handsome pair of horses, harness and carriage, and two hundred and fifty dollars in cash, for six County rights.

We then traded the old horse for a small pony, which we sold for twenty dollars, and started for Napoleon, arriving there after an absence of about ten days.

We drove up to the hotel, ordered our horses put out, rushed in as usual, took the proprietor by the hand, and said:

"You just about thought we had quit you for good, this time, didn't you? Guess we'll take a wash, landlord. Put us down for a good room. How about the cream biscuit? Folks all well? Landlord, did you notice our team? It's the finest in the land. Have 'em taken good care of. By Jove! We're glad to get home once more. You're looking fine, landlord. Have a cigar?"

He put on a sickly smile, and after lighting a cigar, said he knew we would come back; and asked how our business was.

We told him it had been a little slack, on account of its being so hard to get money. We staid there a week longer, and tried every conceivable plan to force the landlord to ask us for money, but he never mentioned it during our stay. We sold our team and carriage for three hundred dollars cash, and put the money in our pockets, without ever mentioning our hotel bill, or acting as though we considered ourselves his debtors.

Then we made returns to the patentees for their share of the profits on the sales we had made.

The landlord proved himself the "sort of mettle" for our business; and at last one day I stepped up to him, reached out my hand, and said: "Well, landlord, I guess we'll have to leave you for good."

He shook my hand warmly, but looked uneasy and bewildered.

He talked, undertaking to let his conversation drift towards the matter of our indebtedness. Finally I got the floor, and talked at lightning speed, paying him so many compliments, in the presence of his guests, that he was completely non-plussed, and at a loss to know how to act.

Suddenly, seeming to realize that something of much importance had escaped my memory, I said: "By the way, landlord, we haven't settled our bill, yet. How much do we owe you? Make out the bill. Mighty lucky I thought of it."

"By gracious, that's so! That's a fact. You haven't paid your bill yet, have you? Oh, well, I knew it would be all right, anyhow."

After paying up in full, we received loud praise from him, and his assurance that the best his house afforded would never be too good for us, whenever we saw fit to stop with him; and said if we would stay a week longer he would have cream biscuit every meal.



CHAPTER XIV.

OUR TRIP THROUGH INDIANA—HOW I FOOLED A TELEGRAPH OPERATOR—THE OLD LANDLORD SENDS RECIPE FOR CREAM BISCUIT—OUR RETURN TO OHIO—BECOMING AGENTS FOR A NEW PATENT—OUR VALISE STOLEN—RETURN TO FT. WAYNE—WAITING SIX WEEKS FOR PATENT-RIGHT PAPERS—BUSTED—STAVING OFF THE WASHERWOMAN FOR FIVE WEEKS—"THE KID" AND 'DE EXCHANGE ACT'—HOW THE LAUNDRY WOMAN GOT EVEN WITH US—THE LANDLORD ON THE BORROW—HOW WE BORROWED OF HIM—REPLENISHING OUR WARDROBE—PAYING UP THE HOTEL BILL.

We then made a trip through Indiana, and met with virtually no success at all; and very soon paid out almost our last dollar for actual expenses.

One day we had occasion to go to a small station to take the cars for Fort Wayne, when the telegraph operator left his office for a few minutes to go after the mail.

I stepped to the instrument, called the Toledo office, and sent a message to our late landlord at Napoleon, as follows:

"Send to my partner and me two dozen cream biscuit to Fort Wayne, express prepaid. We need them."

After checking the message dead head, signed my name, and returned to the waiting-room.

When the operator returned, the Toledo office, whose duty it was to transfer the message to Napoleon, called him up and asked who Johnston was; and wanted to know further, why his message should be dead-headed. The operator answered that he knew nothing about it, and didn't think it was his business to inquire into other people's affairs. They told him he had better wake up and know what he was doing; and said it was his duty to collect pay for messages, and not send them for nothing. I listened attentively to what passed between them; but finally our side won by his saying that he wanted them to understand he was running that office himself, and needed no advice.

The next day after reaching Fort Wayne, we received a letter from the landlord, in which he stated that it would be impossible for him to send cream biscuit by express, but said: "Please find enclosed the recipe for making them." We gladly accepted it, and had the pastry cooks at different hotels make them for us, which greatly pleased every one else who partook of them, besides ourselves. Later on, I made use of the recipe by presenting it to my aunt, Mrs. Frances E. Owens, and it has long been one of the favorite recipes of Mrs. Owens' Cook Book.

From Fort Wayne we went back through Ohio and stopped at Findlay, where, just as we were about to close a trade, I received a letter from the patentee saying he had bargained to sell out all his right to one man, and requested me to return the papers at once, and not to make another sale under any circumstances.

I complied with his request. The next day we met on the streets of Findlay a gentleman having a sample band-cutter—an attachment for a two-tined fork, to be used when threshing.

The man who pitched the bundles from the stack to the machine cut the bands on each bundle at the same time he pitched them. This had just been patented, and he was anxious to have us take the agency for the United States. We concluded to do so, and went to a lawyer's office and fixed up a Power of Attorney for the whole United States from him to me.

Profiting from my experience in losing a good sale, as just related, I had the following clause added: "This Power of Attorney is revocable upon thirty days notice from the said patentee."

The attorney then informed me that according to the United States laws we would be compelled to have our Power of Attorney recorded at Washington, D. C. We therefore sent it on for that purpose, with instructions to the Recorder to mail it to Fort Wayne, Ind., as soon as possible.

On our way back to Fort Wayne we stopped off at Lima one day, and at that place had our valise stolen from the depot. It contained all the shirts and collars and cuffs belonging to both of us, except those we had on, besides other articles of value to us.

This left us in hard luck, as we had only about money enough to buy each of us another shirt, a box of paper collars and cuffs, and some cheap socks upon arrival at Fort Wayne.

It was economy to wear paper, so as to lighten our laundry bills.

Another exceedingly bad feature of our loss was the absence of a piece of baggage to help convince the landlord of our responsibility.

However, we ventured to a very respectable hotel, where we engaged a first-class room, and waited patiently for the return of our Power of Attorney from Washington. The landlord was a very pleasant, agreeable gentleman, quite suitable to our convenience. We made it as pleasant as possible for him. A stranger might easily have mistaken one of us for the proprietor and him for the guest.

By telling innumerable good stories, and constantly reminding him of his excellent qualities as a hotel-keeper, and the wide reputation he bore as such, we managed to "hold him down," as we termed it, very satisfactorily.

In the meantime we were constantly on the alert for some one who would like to speculate, so we could make a deal without delay, after the arrival of our papers from Washington. After being there about three days, we concluded to change shirts, which brought our new ones into requisition. We then sent the ones we took off to a washerwoman, a few doors away. These we left with her until obliged to make another change. When that time came, three or four days later, we were at our wits' end to know how to get possession of the clean ones, as we were completely stranded.

We held a consultation, and almost every imaginable scheme suggested itself. At last we hit upon one that seemed feasible.

A bright young boot-black frequented the hotel corner, and had taken quite a fancy to us, and given us an occasional complimentary shine.

We asked him to our room, and informing him that we had a great plot that needed his assistance, we required him to make an oath never to "give it away," nor to betray us in any way, shape, form or manner. He agreed to swear.

I then procured a Bible from the landlord, and "the kid," as we called him, placed his left hand on the Book, and raised his right, as I administered the oath.

He swore by all the Gods in Israel, and all the people in Indiana, that he would be true to his trust.

Frank and I then took off our shirts, and wrapping them in paper, informed "the kid" of our predicament, and of the fact that we would be obliged to remain shirtless in our room while he took the bundle to the washerwoman and left them as security for the laundered, without money and without price.

We gave him special instructions, just how to manipulate matters in order to be successful.

He said: "Oh, what cher giv'n us? Don't yer s'pose I know how to 'fake de ole hen'?"

He scampered off, and returned very shortly with our laundry, when we hastened to make our toilet for the six o'clock dinner.

We expected our papers from Washington inside of ten days from the time we sent them. In this we were disappointed, and were compelled, to use "the kid" several times to carry out "de exchange act" "wid de ole hen," as he called it.

After repeating it several times, he came in one evening very much excited, and said:

"Yer can bet yer life it was by de skin o' my teeth I ever collar'd der wash dis time. De ole gal's gittin' dead on, an' says if de gemmen are such big-bugs dey better settle; but I gin' her a great song an' dance, an' squeared her up."

We asked if he had any idea she would stand another deal of that kind.

"Yer can bet I'll fix 'er," he replied.

Frank then said: "Well, you young rascal, you can bet you'd better 'fix 'er.' Don't you ever be guilty of leaving the dirty shirts unless you get the clean ones in their stead. If you ever come back here without any shirts, I'll throw you out this window, as sure as you're a live kid."

The next Saturday, late in the afternoon, we called "the kid" in to do "the exchange act" again. We gave him some special instructions, desiring him to distinctly understand that it wouldn't be healthy for him to venture back to us without two shirts of some kind.

He didn't seem to have the same assurance and confidence as usual, but said "he'd fix 'er." We remained in our room, sitting on the bed without shirts about the usual length of time, when, "the kid" not returning, we began to feel a little shaky.

Directly the door flew open, and in came the chambermaid, and rushed to the commode with clean towels. We had forgotten to lock the door. Frank, with his fund of ready wit, instantly jumped to the floor, and sang out: "Well, put on your gloves again; I'll try you one more round before supper!"

When the door closed on us we had a good laugh, as we had frequently indulged in, when sitting there in that awkward, shirtless, expectant predicament.

Our laugh, although hearty, was of short duration, for we suddenly became serious and anxious about the return of "the kid." An hour passed and no kid, and—still worse—no shirts.

We walked the floor, opened the door and looked towards the stair-way, then raised the window curtain and peeked out upon the street, hoping to get a glimpse of him.

Another half hour passed, and no "kid." We imagined everything that could have befallen him.

Two hours passed; another half hour—and we had been imprisoned two hours and-a-half—and it was now about supper time.

A few moments later I opened the door, and looking towards the stair-way, discovered "the kid," leaning over the bannister, gazing vacantly in the direction of our room.

I yelled:

"Come here, kid! For Heaven's sake, what's up?"

"Yer never'll git me inter de room, ter be pitched out de winder," he replied.

"No, no," we said, "come in; come in and explain. We won't harm you. Come in."

He then ventured in, very cautiously, and explained:

"Well, sir gemmen, de ole gal nailed 'em all, spite of eb'ry ting I could do; she got de whole shootin' match, and I didn't know whedder to come back or not."

"Heavens and earth! Frank; what are we going to do now?" I asked.



"Well," said he, "this has been a great scheme of yours. That's a great head, yours. Guess we're stuck for good, this time."

"The kid" said he guessed he'd have to go to supper.

We told him we guessed he'd not go to supper till he got us out of that shirt scrape. "Remember your oath, you young hyena," I said.

He answered: "That's so; guess I'll have to go without my supper, to-night."

At last, after many schemes had been devised and rejected, we hit upon one that helped us out. We demanded of "the kid" that he take off his shirt; and after donning his coat and vest, instructed him to throw back his coat-collar, and go down street to some furnishing-goods dealer, and either beg, or buy on credit, a shirt. We began telling him what to say, when he headed us off with:

"Oh, whatcher givin' us? I guess I know how ter give 'em der stiff," and started.

He called on several dealers; and after giving "De song and dance," finally made a raise of a new shirt.

We asked what the man said when he called for such a large size?

"Oh, de ole hoosier neber tumbled at all, but just planked 'er out, and said: 'If yer eber git any money, come an' pay fer it.'"

We asked if he thought he could manage to get another one in the same way.

He said he was afraid to try, because an officer was going to run him in "'cause he hadn't any shirt on, and looked so tough."

I then donned the shirt, also a paper collar and cuffs, and went down to supper, leaving Frank to silent meditation.

After eating, I returned to the room, took off the shirt, and Frank put it on and went to supper, while I remained and did the meditation act.

He staid away more than two hours, which worried me considerably.

I wondered what upon earth had become of him, but felt certain he was too true a friend to abscond with my half of the shirt.