"From far Alaska's ice-bound coast to Porto Rico's strand, You've kept the sun and rain and sleet from Uncle Sam'yal's band; You've stood for no blame nonsense, and you've brooked no talking back, And cleaner towns and cities fair have sprung up in your track. You—what's the use?—you've been there since the days of 'Ninety-Eight— You've weathered twenty years of squalls—and now you get the gate! But you're too good a soldier, old dip, to cuss or cry; So—(there he heaved it into space)—goodby, old hat; goodby!"



—— OVER THE TOP THREE WAYS. —— Feet, Tank and Plane Tried by this U. S. Officer—Ready for Next. ——

If they ever invent a new way of going over the top, there's one American officer who will probably be on hand to try the new wrinkle. The French Government has decorated him with the Croix de Guerre for going over the sacks in every way known to date.

First, he went over with the French infantry in an attack last spring. Though detailed as an observer, and not required to take too many chances, the officer was one of the first wave to cross No Man's Land. He stayed with his unit until the objective was gained, and when it had to fall back before a heavy counter-attack he fell back fighting with it.

Some weeks later he went over the top in a tank. He followed that trip a few days later by an aeroplane observation flight. For the greater part of an afternoon the plane cruised up and down a German sector watching the effect of big French shells on concrete defences.

The Boche anti-aircraft guns made it warm for the American flier, but he was still an enthusiastic aviator when the plane came to a successful landing on its own field at dusk.



—— WHERE HE GETS OFF. ——

(A sample letter).

France, January, 1918.

I. Rookum, Gents' Tailor, U. S. A.

"Dear Sir:—

"Your interesting advertisement of spring styles for young men, knobby clothes for business wear, and so forth, just received.

"While I appreciate your thinking of me, I am glad to say I have changed my tailor, and will not require your services until peace is declared.

"U. S. & Co. are now supplying me with some very nifty suitings of khaki, which I find best adapted to my present line of business. They don't get shiny in the seat of the trousers—for the simple reason that I never have time to sit down.

"They are also supplying me with headwear, their latest in that line being a derby-like affair with a stiff steel crown, which affords me better protection against the elements and the shrapnel than anything any civilian hatter has furnished me.

"Thanking you for past favors, and hoping to see you on the dock when the transport pulls in a couple of years from now, I remain,

"Yours truly, "I. Don't Needum, Pvt., A. E. F."



—— TWO SAMARITANS IN SKIRTS. —— In the Modern Parable, They Aid a Poilu Chauffeur. ——

The woman motorcar driver has made her appearance in the zone of the army. A few of them are driving big motor trucks for the Y.M.C.A. and are making good at the job.

During a recent heavy snowstorm, two trucks driven by young women were sliding along a winding road carrying supplies to a hut from a depot when they came upon a big French lorry stalled in a ditch. The French soldier in charge was tinkering with the engine, having stalled it while trying to pull into the road again. He wasn't having much success.

Both the women, garbed in short skirts, high and heavy leather boots, and woolen caps that pulled down well over their ears, climbed down from their seats and between them first managed to get the engine in the stalled lorry started, and then one of them took her place behind the wheel and by skilful manoeuvring brought all four wheels to the road.

The Frenchman stood to one side during the whole of the operation and watched the women with astonishment.



WELLS FARGO & CO.

4 RUE SCRIBE, PARIS

Head Office: 51 Broadway, NEW YORK

Take pleasure in announcing to the

AMERICAN AND BRITISH EXPEDITIONARY FORCES

that the great French Bank, the

SOCIETE GENERALE

has very kindly agreed to act as

WELLS FARGO'S CORRESPONDENT THROUGHOUT FRANCE

Cable and mail transfers of money to all parts of America may be made through Wells Fargo by calling at the Societe Generale.

Deposit accounts with Wells Fargo, Paris, may be opened at the Societe Generale.

SOCIETE GENERALE has Branches at:—

AMIENS CHALONS-SUR-MARNE LA ROCHELLE SAINT NAZAIRE ANGERS CHATEAUROUX LIMOGES SAUMUR ARCACHON CHAUMONT MIRECOURT TOUL AUXONNE DIJON NANTES TOURS BAR-LE-DUC EPINAL NEUFCHATEAU TROYES BESANCON FONTAINEBLEAU NEVERS VALREAS BORDEAUX IS-SUR-TILLE RENNES VIERZON BOURGES ISSOUDUN ROMORANTIN and many others. BREST LANGRES ROUEN

Circulars giving full explanation of WELLS FARGO'S Banking Facilities in France may be obtained at the Branches of the Societe Generale.



—— TO FLASH THE HOUR BY ARMY WIRES. —— New A. E. F. Lines Will Insure U. S. Well-Set Time Pieces. ——

Correct time is now being transmitted to the A. E. F. over its own system of telegraph lines. Formerly field wireless stations each day at a certain hour picked from the air figures flashed from Paris by which the clocks of the array were synchronized. This method did not insure absolute accuracy.

Each day at eleven o'clock a simultaneous signal is sent to every station so that through the existing zone, and at the front as well, clocks and watches show the same time. This synchronization is desirable under present conditions and it is an absolute necessity with troops at the front when, for instance, orders may specify that some operation is to be carried out at one point at a certain time and another operation at another point at another time. The success of both operations may depend upon whether they are launched on the second.

Miles upon miles of telegraph wires strung on poles labeled "U. S. A." now stretch through France. They may be found running to base ports, zigzagging through the instruction zone over hills, through a valley, along a roadside. On some of the poles there are double cross-beams supporting in many cases as many as ten wires. There is a complete system of operators and central exchanges as well as a considerable force of linemen and repairmen, quite a number of whom worked for telephone and telegraph companies in the United States before the war began. The "service" leaves little, if anything, to be desired.



—— HOW THEY SPOT US. ——

"Madame, where in this town can one get a drink, s'il vous plait?"

"Ah! I can see that M. l'Americain comes from the State of Maine!"



—— TRY POTATO BUGS IN BOMBS. —— An Ohio Man's Suggestion on How to Win the War. ——

The war will soon be over. An Ohio man will end it. He has suggested to U.S. Marine Corps officials in Washington that they direct their aviators to drop potato bugs over Germany. He declares there are no potato bugs in the Kaiser's realm, and since the "spud" is absolutely essential to Germany's economic welfare, the dropping of "Murphy destroyers" over the Rhine country would quickly terminate hostilities. Simple, isn't it? Marine Corps officials think so.



A BRITISH BANK CONDUCTED ON BRITISH LINES.

LLOYDS BANK (FRANCE) & NATIONAL PROVINCIAL BANK (FRANCE) LIMITED.

3, PLACE DE L'OPERA, PARIS.

General Banking Business. Foreign Exchange and Transfers.

{BIARRITZ: 10, Place de la Liberte. Branches {BORDEAUX: 23, Allees de Chartres. {HAVRE: 1, Rue de la Bourse. {NICE: 6, Jardin du Roi Albert Premier.

LONDON OFFICE: 60, LOMBARD STREET, E.C.3.



AMERICAN UNIVERSITY UNION IN EUROPE 8, RUE DE RICHELIEU, PARIS (Royal Palace Hotel)

OBJECTS—The general object of the Union is to meet the needs of American university and college men and their friends who are in Europe for military or other service in the cause of the Allies.

It provides at moderate cost a home with the privileges of a simple club for these men when passing through Paris on a furlough.

It aids institutions, parents or friends to secure information about college men, reporting on casualties, visiting the sick and wounded, giving advice, and in general serving as means of communication between those at home and their relatives in service.

MEMBERSHIP—The Union is supported by annual fees paid by the colleges and universities of America, all the students and alumni of which, whether graduates or not, are thereby entitled, WITHOUT PAYMENT OF ANY DUES, to the general privileges of the Union, and may call upon the Union in person or by mail to render them any reasonable service.

HEADQUARTERS—On October 20, 1917, the Union took over as its Paris headquarters the Royal Palace Hotel, of which it has the exclusive use. This centrally located hotel is one block from the Louvre and the Palais Royal station of the Metro., from which all parts of the city may be reached quickly and cheaply.

PRIVILEGES—The Union offers at reasonable rates both single and double bed-rooms, with or without bath. There is hot and cold running water in all rooms, which are well heated. Room reservations should be made in advance whenever possible, as only 100 men can be accommodated. The restaurant serves excellent meals both to roomers and to transients.

The Lounge Room is supplied with all the leading American newspapers, magazines and college publications. The rapidly growing Library on the first floor provides fiction and serious reading, both French and English, as well as a large number of valuable reference books on the war and other subjects.

Stationery is provided in the Writing Room on the ground floor. A Canteen in the Lobby carries cigarettes and tobacco, toilet articles, candies, and a variety of other useful things. An Information Bureau is maintained in the Union Offices on the Entresol.

Frequent entertainments and concerts are given. Afternoon tea is served every Saturday, at which some American lady acts as hostess.

REGISTRATION—The Union keeps an accurate index of all men who register at its Paris headquarters or at its London Branch, 16, Pall Mall East, S.W.1. It is anxious to get in touch with all college and university men in Europe, who are therefore urged to register by MAIL, giving name, college, class, European address and name and address of nearest relative at home.



—— AMERICA'S BEST MEDICOS AT WORK FOR THE A. E. F. —— Incomes of Specialists in the Overseas Command Would Total Enough to Pay off the National Debt. ——

If the incomes of all the well-known American specialists who have come to France to look after the health of the A.E.F. troops were lumped together they would be enough to pay off the national debt of the country and then leave sufficient to satisfy a camp store-keeper.

This is no pipe dream or a simple newspaper yarn, but the plain truth. Some of the medicos from the United States have given up earnings of such big figures they should only be mentioned kneeling. Where they gathered in half a million at home yearly, they are accepting a major's three thousand and service allowance, in order to see that Bill Jones from Kankakee or Sam Smith from Pleasantville has the proper treatment for warts in his stomach or barnacles on his thinking apparatus.



In addition to separating themselves from large wads of coin and all the comforts of home, they have brought over the staffs of their various hospitals, who know all their funny ways of operating, from how best to cut a man loose from his appendix to painless extraction of the bankroll. They have also brought along all their collections of patent knives and scissors, the only thing they left behind being the doctors' bills that would take a year's service as a doughboy to meet the first instalment.

A Fear to Forget.

Nearly everyone has an ingrowing objection to going to a hospital, or acknowledging he must take the count for an illness, because of fear as to what treatment he may draw.

Forget it!

The Amexforce hospitals are not built along those lines, nor are the nurses sweet young things of fifty odd summers who hand out tracts with the morning's milk or make kittenish love to a lad who may be tied down to a bed or too weak to run away. And the doctors are not owlish-looking creatures with whiskers that would make a goat die of envy and sick-room manners that would scare a Mental Scientist into catalepsy. They are real human beings who understand the troubles of mankind from nostalgia (professional name for homesickness) down to enlargement of the coco (unprofessional name for the swelled head) and are doing everything in their power to make a little easier the big game we are playing to a showdown with the Kaiser.

It's human nature to hate to go to the doctor. But if the boys would only realize that if they would take their smaller troubles to the "docs" they could easily prevent them from becoming more serious ones, it would save a lot of useless suffering. Of course, that doesn't apply to treatment for the wounded, but the Army Chief Surgeon is trying his darndest to make that as perfect as possible.

A Hospital of 20,000 Beds.

In the first place, adequate hospital facilities have been arranged for. One hospital alone has a capacity for 20,000 beds. At an emergency call, the hospitals can handle twenty per cent. of the whole Amexforce. To begin with the trenches, the Medical Department has introduced a sort of folding litter that can go around corners without having to make a man who's hit get out and walk around the bends. When he gets to the dressing station or collecting hospital, motor ambulances are ready to take him back to the evacuating hospital, where the women nurses take their chances with the men, eight to ten miles behind the line.

Once his case is looked into there, he continues under the charge of that hospital chief until he gets well or is sent home. If he's moved to another hospital his record and register go with him, so that the new hospital knows immediately he was invalided for a piece of shell in his leg, and no flurried or overworked surgeon tries to operate on him for inflammation of the intestines.

From beginning to end, the best specialists in the whole of the Union are at the disposal of any one who's unfortunate enough to get hurt. If it's eyes, ears, throat, abdomen, shell shock, mental derangement, or no matter what, one of the biggest men from home is on the job. They are not correspondence school surgeons, either.

Some of the Experts.

Maybe one of these is from your own home town and you know him by name or reputation: George E. Brewer, New York; George W. Crile, Cleveland; Henry Cushing, Boston, the brain specialist, who knows every cell in the think tank and just how it works and operates; F. A. Washburn, Boston; Samuel Lloyd, New York; C. L. Gibson, New York; R. H. Harte, Philadelphia; F. A. Besley, Chicago; Angus McLean, Detroit; Charles H. Peck, New York; John M. T. Finney, of Johns Hopkins, Baltimore; F. T. Murphy, St. Louis; M. Clinton, Buffalo; R. T. Miller, Pittsburgh; C. R. Clark, Youngstown, O.; E. D. Clark, Indianapolis; B. R. Shurley, Detroit; Joseph E. Flynn, Yale Medical.

If that isn't enough, associated with each of these men are other doctors whose ability is pretty well known all over the States. For instance, Dr. Lloyd, of New York, has with him Dr. McKernon, also of the big town, one of the best ear specialists in the country. If a shell goes off too near you and the eardrum suffers, Dr. McKernon will be on the job to find out if he can't make a new one.

A man who has just come over from Baltimore said the Army had practically cleaned out Johns Hopkins University there, which produces more good doctors to the square inch than France does fleas. So when it comes to sorting out the cases, the men with the bad listeners won't be sent to the throat specialist, nor the chap with a wounded eye made a candidate for the brainstorm man.

The Army's Big Eye Man.

Cases of eye wounds or troubles are handled by a doctor who probably knows more about the eye than any one man in America, Dr. George de Schweinitz, of Philadelphia, who has transplanted his whole sanitarium to France in order that no man of the Amexforce may be deprived of his sight where there is one chance in a million of saving it. With that in view, the chances of coming out of this mess with both eyes are exceptionally good. Statistics from both French and British armies show that of all the wounded they have had, only one man in 1,200 is blinded. If they had had the organization of the American medical force, the chance would probably have been reduced to one man in 2,500.

No one pretends to say that our hospitals make sickness or wounds a pleasure, but be assured of one thing. If anything happens to you, you'll be well looked after in them by the world's leading medical and surgical authorities.



—— A PLEA TO THE CENSOR. ——

"Say," said a short, bow-legged corporal the other day, "I wanta send three pictures home to the folks, but I dunnoo how I can get it across. These censorship rules say all you can send is pictures of yourself without background that might indicate the whereabouts of the studio or other strategic information. These ain't pictures of myself, nothing like it. Wait till I tell you.

"I'm going to entitle this series 'Rapid Transit in France.' I took 'em with a little pocket camera. There's one I took up at the port where we landed—first picture I took in France, it was. It shows one of these two-wheeled carts, with three animals hitched to it. One is a horse, one is a dog, and in the middle there's a great big old cow, and an old French feller in a blue nightshirt sittin' in the road milkin' the cow.

"Then there's another I took over at —— (the town where general headquarters are situated) of the 'bus that goes down to the station to meet trains. You won't believe this unless you've seen it, but that 'bus is hitched up to a horse an' a camel, a regular camel like you see in a circus—come from Morocco, they tell me, and looks as if he had gone as long as it is camels can go without a drink, or chow, either.

"The last one's a prize. I took it in one of those villages up the line. It's a young kid in a soldier's coat down to his knees walking down the main street with a stick in his hand driving a sled, and what do you guess is hitched to the sled? By gosh, a big fat goose, and nothing else. The kid's steerin' the goose with the stick, and the goose's lookin' around with that fool goose look, just like the picture you see of that Crown Prince.

"Say, what do you think those folks with their automobiles and subways and everything would make of that? It sure would open their eyes. Travel's a great thing for a man," said the corporal.







—— WHAT SAILOR INGRAM DID. ——

Neither Casablanca nor Horatius at the bridge surpassed in heroism young Osmond Kelly Ingram, who threw overboard the explosives on the American destroyer Cassin in order that the German submarine's torpedo should not detonate them and destroy his ship—and gave his life for his comrades and his country in doing so. Ingram sought danger instead of fleeing it. He might have saved his life without discredit. But he did not think of his life—or if he thought of it, he knew that he was deliberately sacrificing it. And he acted with instant resolution.

To his courage and his quickness is due the fact that Ingram's was the only life lost in the German attack on the Cassin. That result he foresaw and welcomed. He knew how to take death as his portion without an instant's hesitation. He was of the breed of heroes, and his name will be borne forever on the nation's roll of honor.—Boston Transcript.



—— THE ROAD WAS OPEN. ——

France's wonderful highways which saved her in this war are as crooked as a jig saw puzzle, but there are excellent maps which show every road in the country. Up near the fighting front, however, the new military roads are as broad and as good as some of the old highways which have survived since the days of the Romans and more than a map is needed if you want to remain in France.

A few days ago two American newspaper correspondents were travelling from one French city to another, the shortest course, according to the same excellent maps, taking them close back of the French lines. All day there had been a blinding snow, it was deep and loose on the ground, and the car was going as fast as possible for safety.

Temporary wooden signs at cross roads showed the direction of different camps. The road plunged through a forest, occasionally they passed a soldier plodding through the snow, then emerged along the base of a ridge honeycombed with dug-outs and bombproofs on its sheltered side. It was plain that they were close to the front. Soldiers peered from doorways at the car skidding through the swirling snow; then the huts ceased. For a mile the correspondents ran behind a flapping wall of canvas camouflage, with barbwire entanglements on the other side of the road. The map indicated they were on the right road.

Then they came to a barbwire affair like a turnstile lying on its side in the middle of the road, and stopped. They could not see a hundred feet through the fog and snow, but could hear the muffled boom of nearby cannon. The map showed only three kilometers ahead the main highway to the city they were headed for. They did not know that the German trenches were only two kilometers ahead and that the snow was the only reason the Boche had not seen them and favored them with a shot. Two French officers came along and in his best French one of the correspondents asked if they could get through on that road.

"Yes, if you speak German," was the answer with a laugh and in excellent English.



—— THERE'S A REASON. ——

"For Pete's sake, Ed, quit tryin' to pick your teeth with your fork! Mind your manners, man!"

"Aw, go easy, Mike; how'n'ell am I goin' to buy a toothpick, with wood so expensive in France?"



—— SEA SLANG PUZZLES POILU. —— Trips on an Idiom and His Pride Takes a Fall. ——

Among the idiomatic terms adopted by United States Marines everywhere, the expression "shove off" is used more frequently than any other. In the sea-soldier lingo, if a Marine goes home on furlough, leaves his camp or garrison or goes anywhere, he "shoves off."

A story comes from France of a Marine who had been acting as orderly for a lieutenant. The officer sent him on an errand, and when he returned the lieutenant was nowhere about. A poilu, who happened to be loitering in the vicinity, was questioned by the Marine:

"Have you seen the lieutenant?"

"Oui, monsieur, oui," replied the poilu, proud of his newly acquired Marine Corps English, "he have—what you call—pushed over."



—— HOW ABOUT THEM? ——

Things that make all the difference in the world:—

A letter from —— (fill in name to suit yourself.)

A real soap-and-hot-water bath.

A real shave.

Dry feet.

American tobacco.

"Good work!" from the skipper.

A home-town paper less than a month old.

"Seconds" on coffee—when it's made right.

Pay-day.



—— YANKEE AVIATORS PLAY IN LUCK —— Dead Engine Sneezes and Picks Up after a 2,000 Meter Drop. —— SKY FULL OF CREAM PUFFS. —— Observer Who Fails to Surround Something Hot Faints From the Cold. ——

Those were American boys who dodged Boche air patrols, laughed at anti-aircraft guns and spattered bombs upon Rombach and Ludwigshafen far behind the Boche lines.

One of them used to be a Presbyterian minister, the Rev. Joseph Wilson, of Wheeling, W. Va., another is Bud Lehr, of Albion, Neb., who played center on a basketball team that won the State championship. The others are Charles Kinsolving and Charles Kerwood, of Philadelphia, and George Kyle, of Portland, Ore. They are corporals in a French flying squadron situated within an hour's flight of an American infantry training camp.

Seated around the rough mess table in their popotte—a tiny building stuck away on a ledge of rock under a cliff—they told all about the bombing of the railroad stations and ammunition factories at Rombach and Ludwigshafen.

"The old Boche almost got me that time," said Lehr, lifting the oil cloth table cover to knock wood. "The engine of my boat died on me just over Rombach. I pulled everything in sight and kicked every lever I couldn't see. Nothing doing; anti-aircraft shells bursting right on a level with me. We began to drop. I turned around to the observer and pulled a sea-sick grin.

A Sneeze Spelled Joy.

"'It's all off, kid,' he said. 'Looks like we're through.'

"We dropped from 5,000 meters to 3,000. Then the engine sneezed, coughed and took up again. My heart and the boat came up 2,000 meters in one jump. The rest of the formation had gone on, dropped their bombs on Rombach and were beating it for Ludwigshafen. By the time I got back to my right altitude I could see the effects of their bombs. The railroad station was burning like a haystack and smoke was coming from the munitions plant. I circled the town and the observer released the bombs.

"Then I turned nose back towards Verdun and crossed the lines. A couple of miles behind the line the engine ran out of gas, so we came down in a field."

They circled several times on the French side of the lines before crossing in order to reach the necessary altitude. Kyle dropped eight bombs, most of them on the munition plant at Ludwigshafen.

"The sky was full of cream puffs," he said, "but it didn't bother us very much because most of the stuff was breaking above or below us. We took our time, aimed for the objective, and dropped the bombs.

Can't See Bomb's Results.

"You can't hear them explode or see the results unless you're flying quite a distance behind the squadron because we go so fast that by the time the fire gets under way we are miles off. Except for Lehr's machine, we maintained our formation and came out flying in the same position. If there were any Boche patrols out in our neighborhood they knew better than to tackle us.

"When we came down I found my observer unconscious. I thought he had been hit, but he had only fainted from the cold.

"You big rummy," turning to the observer and swiping one of his cigarettes from the open box on the table—"You big rummy, I told you you had better surround something hot before starting—a bowl of oatmeal or coffee.

"Gimmie a light now."

All five are awaiting their transfer to the American flying corps.



—— STARS IN A HERO'S ROLE. —— Movie Actor Plays Sapper in a Real Rescue. ——

Among the candidates for officers' commissions at the A. E. F.'s training schools is a former movie star who has served his apprenticeship with the British Army. To see him now, few would recognize him as one of the high steppers under the bright night lights of Broadway as he was a year ago. Seized by a sudden impulse, he enlisted in the British army without waiting for America to get into the war and now in return for faithful service, has been given an opportunity by that government to fight under his own flag. Several other Americans who have also worn the British uniform, and who were sent to the school for the same purpose, tell this story of one of the former screen star's experiences:

In the darkness—locomotives, auto lights in the fighting zone—a heavily loaded truck was struck by a train. The truck was overturned down an embankment, imprisoning the two men on it, killing one almost instantly and seriously injuring the other. Spurred by the latter's groans and appeals for help an officer was directing a squad of men with crowbars and sticks in an effort to lift the truck when the former actor came up. The men were making no progress in budging the heavy wreck while there was a possibility, if they did, that it would crash down on the still living man.

"I think I can get the man out, sir if I may try," the New Yorker said saluting the officer.

"Who are you?" the officer asked surprised at the interruption.

"I'm a Yank, sir," he replied, using the popular designation for Americans in the British army.

"What's your rank?" continued the officer, determined that the man be rescued properly if at all.

"Master engineer, sir," the American answered.

Evidently that was sufficient for the officer, for he at once assented with:

"You may try. Lend him a hand men."

The "Yank" took a shovel and started tunnelling under the truck. As he wormed himself into the little hole, the shovel was abandoned for a bayonet and he pushed the dirt back with his hands to others, who threw it aside. After an hour's work, he had the dead man out. Another hour, and he had burrowed molelike, to the side of the other man, who still was conscious.

"Do you want to take a chance? It'll be torture getting out," he said to the truck driver.

"Anything to get from here to die outside," the man gasped.

A rope was shoved in and the American tied it around the man's legs. Slowly, while he guided the battered body of the now unconscious man, comrades pulled them both back through the narrow tunnel.

"I'll see that you're mentioned in regimental orders for your efforts," said the officer to the exhausted "Yank," and he did.

The truck driver had an arm broken, a shoulder crushed and a fractured skull. He was rushed to a hospital on a chance that his life might be saved after so much effort. The work was not in vain, for a few days ago a letter was received from him, well again at his home in England, saying to the former movie star:

"The latch string of this home in Leicester is always hanging out for you."



—— "WELL, I'LL BE—!" —— THEY'RE ALL HERE. ——

"Fat Casey!"

"Well, I'll be—!"

After seven years Gabby and Fat Casey came face to face on a snow-covered country hillside in France. Gabby played right tackle on the football team out in Chicago in his sophomore year. Casey, a senior, was center and a bother to the trainer because he would surround two bits' worth of chocolate caramels every day, adding to the dimension that won him his nickname.

Somewhere in France Gabby swung his right mitt and clasped Casey's. They hung on in a kind of reminiscent grip, searching one another's face for changes.

Casey wore a smudge on his upper lip. Gabby's face was still un-hairy, but a little lined by the last few years of bucking the business line for a living. Casey has no cause for wrinkles, having a wealthy Dad. And, anyway, Fat's disposition proofed his map against the corrugations of money problems.

We find them shaking hands again.

Casey is driving a touring car over from Divisional Headquarters to call for the major of the Third Battalion. He stalls on the hill from dirty distributor points and gets out to sand-paper them. That red-headed sentry, gazing skyward through field glasses on "aeroplane watch" against the Boches, can be none other than Gabby, the ex-right tackle.

Gabby is a little puzzled by Fat's moustache, but only for a second.

"Whatever became of Charley Rose," he asks, "and Bill Lyman, and all the rest of them?"

"For the love of Mike—meeting you in this forsaken spot after all this time! Where are you stationed? Can't we stage a reunion? Can't we, Fat?"

Well, Fat is a sergeant-chauffeur, Q.M.C. Gabby is a doughboy in an infantry regiment. They can't get together. They're at the War.

For the next ten minutes a whole battlefield of Boche fliers might have sneaked past the Chicago sentry and bombed the daylights out of Division Headquarters without any hindrance from Gabby.

Charley Rose, says Fat, is an infantry lieutenant. Maury Dunne's in the heavy artillery. Dan McCarthy, the hopeless but untiring "sub" of the 1911 squad, is in France in the Q.M.C.

"Well, doggone!" says Fat, in wonderment at the littleness of the world. "Well, gee whiz!" says Gabby, thinking the same thing.

You'll meet 'em all over here—your old rivals, your staunchest pals. You may find yourself top sergeant over the very kids you stole apples or milk bottles with back in the "good old days." Perhaps you'll be saluting the fellow who cut you out of your girl back in high school when an exchange of class pins with pretty Frances Black meant that you were engaged to her for that semester.

Somewhere in France, they're all here.



—— SO THIS IS FRANCE? ——

The first shift is coming out from the tables. White-haired plump Madame scurries over to her place at the door to collect the dinner toll. Silver clinks into her country cash register, a cigar box with the lid knocked off.

The second shift edges toward the dining room where Suzanne and Angel and Joan are rushing about, clearing away the traces of the first service.

"How's the chewin'?" asks the Albany rifleman.

"Pretty good, pretty good," says the engineer boy from Los Angeles. "Good place to fill up on tan bread for a change."

Close your eyes and shut out the khaki. The buzzing voices, the scraping hob nails take you back to the Democratic convention of Pottewantamis County last Spring when the delegates came in through a sleet storm and dried their socks around the stove in the Chamber of Commerce. Or you're back in the locker room hearing the coach's final instructions for the county championship tussle with Lincoln High.

The second service is finishing. Four soldiers are rolling the old tin-throated piano into the middle of the floor. One of them used to be a rag-time "song-booster." Oh, baby, how he can torment those keys!

There they go, in a chorus of fifty roof-raising voices:

"Twice as nice as Paradise, And they called it Dixie Land!"



—— SOMETHING MUST BE DONE. ——

The American war zone recently was honored by a visit from several "lady journalists" who came out from Paris to see how "our boys" were faring.

One of these young women had been reared in luxurious surroundings in New York. Since coming to Paris she seldom went about wearing anything but slippers. These were all right because she always rode in a taxi.

A certain American captain, who thinks nothing of using a nice ten-foot snow bank for bathing purposes, was delegated to conduct the young women through the American war zone.

From the start, the horror of the New York society writer knew no bounds.

"What," she exclaimed, "no pillows for our men! And you say, Captain, they have no bathtubs, but have to bathe in the rivers and creeks? And I see, there are no table cloths or napkins? Captain, leave it to me! I'm going to tell the people of America all about the terrible living conditions of our soldiers over here. Something must be done, and something will be done by an aroused public opinion back home!"

The captain indulged an inward chuckle that racked his soul. Then his face became solemn.

"Please don't stir up any scandal in America over this," he entreated the young woman writer. "I'll tell you confidentially that feather beds are on the way from America for every soldier and there are whole boatloads of bathtubs coming, too. But what's sweetest of all in this—promise you'll keep it a secret until it happens?—our government is going to present every soldier in France with a beautiful manicure set!"

"That's more like it," said the lady, much mollified.



MACDOUGAL & CO.

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- Transcriber's Note This e-book has been transcribed from scans provided by the Library of Congress. Images and sections missing or illegible in the Library of Congress scans were scanned from a 1971 facsimile version. In this e-book, articles have been placed starting from the top left of each page and then following column order. The one exception to this is the first page, where the centre article has been placed first. Where other features interrupted the flow of text they have been moved to the end of the article in question. Links to full-page images have been provided in the html edition to show the original layout. In this text edition, articles which were split over two pages have been rejoined for ease of reading. Several corrections have been made to the original text. For reference, a full list is given below. Page 1 sufficient funds for the trip sufficient funds for the trip. 1 "Apres vous, mon chere Gaston," "Apres vous, mon chere Gaston," 1 "How were the Americans treated?" M. Rollet was asked. "How were the Americans treated?" M. Rollett was asked. 1 This was done in order to make them appear rediculous. This was done in order to make them appear ridiculous. 1 They were protographed They were photographed 1 the negroes were order to wear tall hats.' the negroes were ordered to wear tall hats." 1 Occasinally they received a few dried vegetables. Occasionally they received a few dried vegetables. 1 Maryville, Miss; Maryville, Miss.; 1 "How did you bring these adresses away without being discovered?" the Embassy Secretary asked M. Rollet. "How did you bring these addresses away without being discovered?" the Embassy Secretary asked M. Rollett. 1 In conclusion, M. Rollet was asked if, from his journey from In conclusion, M. Rollett was asked if, from his journey from 1 You Mr. Machine-Gunner, You, Mr. Machine-Gunner, 1 Doesn't seem as though you had many any Doesn't seem as though you had made any 1 which the old U. S. has beeing doing which the old U. S. has been doing 1 Every detail of its is absodarnlutely the last Every detail of it is absodarnlutely the last 1 You see, we'd been pals from, child- Line duplicated from another article removed. 1 but now fighting under the Stars and Stripes. but now fighting under the Stars and Stripes.) 1 "We'll catch hell to-night We'll catch hell to-night 2 As the port it is assembled, painted, At the port it is assembled, painted, 2 that it is about due from a new that it is about due for a new 2 For the suplying of this auto armada, For the supplying of this auto armada, 2 available for the cars that have to run out. available for the cars that have run out. 2 Bureau de la Place of a garrisoned town, or else at the Gendarmerie, of Bureau de la Place of a garrisoned town, or else at the Gendarmerie, or 2 Giving us the saying power by going without their stays! Giving us the staying power by going without their stays! 2 a camouflage of cause covers the iniquity of stale fish; a camouflage of sauce covers the iniquity of stale fish; 2 A friend, pal, or comrade, snonymous with cobblers; A friend, pal, or comrade, synonymous with cobber; 2 A negative term signifying uselss, A negative term signifying useless, 2 indeed, venturing ot into the open air in a trench. indeed, venturing out into the open air in a trench. 2 To recue unused property and make use of it. To rescue unused property and make use of it. 2 Although on official announcement has been made as yet, Although no official announcement has been made as yet, 2 producing he biggest pumpkins, producing the biggest pumpkins, 2 In adition to keeping such damaging information In addition to keeping such damaging information 2 If regularly goes over a large proportion of the It regularly goes over a large proportion of the 2 and finally its censors all and finally it censors all 2 and its sends letters and it sends letters 2 he is now serving his adoptd country he is now serving his adopted country 2 in case where soldiers are unwilling that their own in cases where soldiers are unwilling that their own 2 Most of the are practical individuals Most of them are practical individuals 2 mitraileurs, to the tune of "Lord Geoffrey mitrailleurs, to the tune of "Lord Geoffrey 2 May then never jam on us May they never jam on us 2 CHORUS CHORUS. 2 Till we've gone and won this gosh-dar war! Till we've gone and won this gosh-darn war! 2 acompanied by one major, British Army Medical Corps. accompanied by one major, British Army Medical Corps. 2 Cook: Rotten, sir; Cook: "Rotten, sir; 3 that the French hut the wild boar, that the French hunt the wild boar, 3 Hold on your ear-drums and open your mouth! Hold onto your ear-drums and open your mouth! 3 within striking distance or the line within striking distance of the line 3 top the other day, and he says top the other day, and he says " 3 The COMPTIOR NATIONAL D'ESCOMPTE DE PARIS The COMPTOIR NATIONAL D'ESCOMPTE DE PARIS 4 THE STARS AND STRIPES, even as it will succeed in wining the war. THE STARS AND STRIPES, even as it will succeed in winning the war. 4 What puzzles us is how Great Britain, on a diet of that war beer, What puzzles us is how Great Britain, on a diet of that warm beer, 4 per cent, up to the end of March. per cent. up to the end of March. 5 "Up to look us over, are you." he inquired, "Up to look us over, are you?" he inquired, 5 to see the engineers at thir work to see the engineers at their work 5 but each station is suposed to be but each station is supposed to be 5 "Want some hot water?" querried the engineer "Want some hot water?" queried the engineer 5 No, sir war hasn't got much new in the movie thrill line for a railroad man?" No, sir, war hasn't got much new in the movie thrill line for a railroad man!" 5 decide to compromise on the every-other-day shave In that way, decide to compromise on the every-other-day shave. In that way, 5 That donning them at revielle is sure an awful fright. That donning them at reveille is sure an awful fright. 5 last word dernier eri in gentlemanly attire. last word dernier cri in gentlemanly attire. 5 To have every real GARANTEE one To have every real GUARANTEE one 6 The petites desmoiselles, over whom The petites demoiselles, over whom 6 "Tommywaacs" 'Women's Army Auxiliary Corps) "Tommywaacs" (Women's Army Auxiliary Corps) 6 "Well, what the devil can a map do "Well, what the devil can a man do 6 delivery districts of the United States of America." delivery districts of the United States of America. 6 you used to thing Hades you used to think Hades 6 befor him, before him, 6 knit sicks knit socks 6 pigeonhole things have slackened up a bit. pigeonhole "things have slackened up a bit. 6 But generally we get 'em located in time. But generally we get 'em located in time." 7 But there are regions in the States that hold your memory dear. But there are regions in the States that hold your memory dear." 7 So (there he heaved it into space) goodby, old hat; godby!" So (there he heaved it into space) goodby, old hat; goodby!" 7 U. S. & Co. are now supplying me "U. S. & Co. are now supplying me 8 three thousand and, service allowance, in order to see that three thousand and service allowance, in order to see that 8 "I'm going to entitle, this series 'Rapid Transit in France.' "I'm going to entitle this series 'Rapid Transit in France.' 8 reason the Boche had not see them and favored them with a shot. reason the Boche had not seen them and favored them with a shot. 8 Something Hot Faints. Something Hot Faints 8 They circled several times on the French side of the lines before crossing in order to reach the necessary altitude They circled several times on the French side of the lines before crossing in order to reach the necessary altitude. 8 Kyle dropped eight bombs, most of them on the munition plant at Ludwigshafen Kyle dropped eight bombs, most of them on the munition plant at Ludwigshafen. 8 "Anything to get from here to die outside,' the man gasped. "Anything to get from here to die outside," the man gasped. 8 Silver clinks into her country, cash register, a cigar box Silver clinks into her country cash register, a cigar box -

THE END