It should seem a strange, unaccountable thing, that those who have probably been reduced to want by riot, lewdness, and idleness, although they have assurance enough to beg alms publicly from all they meet, should yet be too proud to wear the parish badge, which would turn so much to their own advantage, by ridding them of such great numbers, who now intercept the greatest part of what belongeth to them: Yet it is certain, that there are very many who publicly declare they will never wear those badges, and many others who either hide or throw them away: But the remedy for this is very short, easy, and just, by trying them like vagabonds and sturdy beggars, and forcibly driving them out of the town.

Therefore, as soon as this expedient of wearing badges shall be put in practice, I do earnestly exhort all those who hear me, never to give their alms to any public beggar who doth not fully comply with this order, by which our number of poor will be so reduced, that it will be much easier to provide for the rest. Our shop-doors will be no longer crowded with so many thieves and pickpockets, in beggars' habits, nor our streets so dangerous to those who are forced to walk in the night.

Thus I have, with great freedom, delivered my thoughts upon this subject, which so nearly concerneth us. It is certainly a bad scheme, to any Christian country, which God hath blessed with fruitfulness, and where the people enjoy the just rights and privileges of mankind, that there should be any beggars at all. But, alas! among us, where the whole nation itself is almost reduced to beggary by the disadvantages we lie under, and the hardships we are forced to bear; the laziness, ignorance, thoughtlessness, squandering temper, slavish nature, and uncleanly manner of living in the poor Popish natives, together with the cruel oppressions of their landlords, who delight to see their vassals in the dust; I say, that, in such a nation, how can we otherwise expect than to be over-run with objects of misery and want? Therefore, there can be no other method to free this city from so intolerable a grievance, than by endeavouring, as far as in us lies, that the burthen may be more equally divided, by contributing to maintain our own poor, and forcing the strollers and vagabonds to return to their several homes in the country, there to smite the conscience of those oppressors, who first stripped them of all their substance.

I might here, if the time would permit, offer many arguments to persuade to works of charity; but you hear them so often from the pulpit, that I am willing to hope you may not now want them. Besides, my present design was only to shew where your alms would be best bestowed, to the honour of God, your own ease and advantage, the service of your country, and the benefit of the poor. I desire you will all weigh and consider what I have spoken, and, according to your several stations and abilities, endeavour to put it in practice; and God give you good success. To Whom, with the Son and Holy Ghost, be all honour, &c.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, &c.



A SERMON UPON SLEEPING IN CHURCH.

ACTS, CHAP. XX. VER. 9.

"And there sat in a window a certain young man, named Eutychus, being fallen into a deep sleep; and as Paul was long preaching, he sunk down with sleep, and fell down from the third loft, and was taken up dead."

I have chosen these words with design, if possible, to disturb some part in this audience of half an hour's sleep, for the convenience and exercise whereof this place, at this season of the day, is very much celebrated.

There is indeed one mortal disadvantage to which all preaching is subject; that those who, by the wickedness of their lives, stand in greatest need, have usually the smallest share; for either they are absent upon the account of idleness, or spleen, or hatred to religion, or in order to doze away the intemperance of the week; or, if they do come, they are sure to employ their minds rather any other way, than regarding or attending to the business of the place.

The accident which happened to this young man in the text, hath not been sufficient to discourage his successors: But because the preachers now in the world, however they may exceed St Paul in the art of setting men to sleep, do extremely fall short of him in the working of miracles; therefore men are become so cautious as to choose more safe and convenient stations and postures for taking their repose, without hazard of their persons; and, upon the whole matter, choose rather to trust their destruction to a miracle, than their safety. However, this being not the only way by which the lukewarm Christians and scorners of the age discover their neglect and contempt of preaching, I shall enter expressly into consideration of this matter, and order my discourse in the following method:

First: I shall produce several instances to shew the great neglect of preaching now amongst us.

Secondly: I shall reckon up some of the usual quarrels men have against preaching.

Thirdly: I shall set forth the great evil of this neglect and contempt of preaching, and discover the real causes from whence it proceedeth.

Lastly: I shall offer some remedies against this great and spreading evil.

First: I shall produce certain instances to shew the great neglect of preaching now among us.

These may be reduced under two heads. First, men's absence from the service of the Church; and secondly, their misbehaviour when they are here.

The first instance of men's neglect, is in their frequent absence from the church.

There is no excuse so trivial, that will not pass upon some men's consciences to excuse their attendance at the public worship of God. Some are so unfortunate as to be always indisposed on the Lord's day, and think nothing so unwholesome as the air of a church. Others have their affairs so oddly contrived, as to be always unluckily prevented by business. With some it is a great mark of wit, and deep understanding, to stay at home on Sundays. Others again discover strange fits of laziness, that seize them, particularly on that day, and confine them to their beds. Others are absent out of mere contempt of religion. And, lastly, there are not a few who look upon it as a day of rest, and therefore claim the privilege of their cattle, to keep the Sabbath by eating, drinking, and sleeping, after the toil and labour of the week. Now in all this the worst circumstance is, that these persons are such whose companies are most required, and who stand most in need of a physician.

Secondly: Men's great neglect and contempt of preaching, appear by their misbehaviour when at church.

If the audience were to be ranked under several heads according to their behaviour, when the word of God is delivered, how small a number would appear of those who receive it as they ought? How much of the seed then sown would be found to fall by the way-side, upon stony ground or among thorns? And how little good ground would there be to take it? A preacher cannot look round from the pulpit, without observing, that some are in a perpetual whisper, and, by their air and gesture, give occasion to suspect, that they are in those very minutes defaming their neighbour. Others have their eyes and imagination constantly engaged in such a circle of objects, perhaps to gratify the most unwarrantable desires, that they never once attend to the business of the place; the sound of the preacher's words doth not so much as once interrupt them. Some have their minds wandering among idle, worldly, or vicious thoughts. Some lie at catch to ridicule whatever they hear, and with much wit and humour provide a stock of laughter, by furnishing themselves from the pulpit. But, of all misbehaviour, none is comparable to that of those who come here to sleep; opium is not so stupefying to many persons as an afternoon sermon. Perpetual custom hath so brought it about, that the words, of whatever preacher, become only a sort of uniform sound at a distance, than which nothing is more effectual to lull the senses. For, that it is the very sound of the sermon which bindeth up their faculties, is manifest from hence, because they all awake so very regularly as soon as it ceaseth, and with much devotion receive the blessing, dozed and besotted with indecencies I am ashamed to repeat.

I proceed, Secondly, to reckon up some of the usual quarrels men have against preaching, and to shew the unreasonableness of them.

Such unwarrantable demeanour as I have described, among Christians, in the house of God, in a solemn assembly, while their faith and duty are explained and delivered, have put those who are guilty upon inventing some excuses to extenuate their fault: This they do by turning the blame either upon the particular preacher, or upon preaching in general. First, they object against the particular preacher; his manner, his delivery, his voice are disagreeable, his style and expression are flat and low; sometimes improper and absurd; the matter is heavy, trivial and insipid; sometimes despicable, and perfectly ridiculous; or else, on the other side, he runs up into unintelligible speculation, empty notions, and abstracted flights, all clad in words above usual understandings.

Secondly, They object against preaching in general; it is a perfect road of talk; they know already whatever can be said; they have heard the same an hundred times over. They quarrel that preachers do not relieve an old beaten subject with wit and invention; and that now the art is lost of moving men's passions, so common among the ancient orators of Greece and Rome. These, and the like objections, are frequently in the mouths of men who despise the "foolishness of preaching." But let us examine the reasonableness of them.

The doctrine delivered by all preachers is the same: "So we preach, and so ye believe:" But the manner of delivering is suited to the skill and abilities of each, which differ in preachers just as in the rest of mankind. However, in personal dislikes of a particular preacher, are these men sure they are always in the right? Do they consider how mixed a thing is every audience, whose taste and judgment differ, perhaps, every day, not only from each other, but themselves? And how to calculate a discourse, that shall exactly suit them all, is beyond the force and reach of human reason, knowledge, or invention. Wit and eloquence are shining qualities, that God hath imparted, in great degrees, to very few, nor any more to be expected, in the generality of any rank among men, than riches and honour. But further: If preaching in general be all old and beaten, and that they are already so well acquainted with it, more shame and guilt to them who so little edify by it. But these men, whose ears are so delicate as not to endure a plain discourse of religion, who expect a constant supply of wit and eloquence on a subject handled so many thousand times; what will they say when we turn the objection upon themselves, who, with all the rude and profane liberty of discourse they take, upon so many thousand subjects, are so dull as to furnish nothing but tedious repetitions, and little paltry, nauseous common-places, so vulgar, so worn, or so obvious, as, upon any other occasion, but that of advancing vice, would be hooted off the stage? Nor, lastly, are preachers justly blamed for neglecting human oratory to move the passions, which is not the business of a Christian orator, whose office it is only to work upon faith and reason. All other eloquence hath been a perfect cheat, to stir up men's passions against truth and justice, for the service of a faction, to put false colours upon things, and by an amusement of agreeable words, make the worse reason appear to be the better. This is certainly not to be allowed in Christian eloquence, and, therefore, St Paul took quite the other course; he "came not with excellency of words, or enticing speech of men's wisdom, but in plain evidence of the Spirit and power." And perhaps it was for that reason the young man Eutychus, used to the Grecian eloquence, grew tired and fell so fast asleep.

I go on, Thirdly, to set forth the great evil of this neglect and scorn of preaching, and to discover the real causes from whence it proceedeth.

I think it is obvious,[1] that this neglect of preaching hath very much occasioned the great decay of religion among us. To this may be imputed no small part of that contempt some men bestow on the clergy; for, whoever talketh without being regarded, is sure to be despised. To this we owe, in a great measure, the spreading of atheism and infidelity among us; for religion, like all other things, is soonest put out of countenance by being ridiculed. The scorn of preaching might perhaps have been at first introduced by men of nice ears and refined taste; but it is now become a spreading evil, through all degrees, and both sexes; for, since sleeping, talking, and laughing are qualities sufficient to furnish out a critic, the meanest and most ignorant have set up a title, and succeeded in it as well as their betters. Thus are the last efforts of reforming mankind rendered wholly useless: "How shall they hear," saith the apostle, "without a preacher?" But, if they have a preacher, and make it a point of wit or breeding not to hear him, what remedy is left? To this neglect of preaching, we may also entirely impute that gross ignorance among us in the very principles of religion, which it is amazing to find in persons who very much value their own knowledge and understanding in other things; yet, it is a visible, inexcusable ignorance, even in the meanest among us, considering the many advantages they have of learning their duty. And it hath been the great encouragement to all manner of vice: For, in vain we preach down sin to a people, "whose hearts are waxed gross, whose ears are dull of hearing, and whose eyes are closed." Therefore Christ Himself, in His discourses, frequently rouseth up the attention of the multitude, and of His disciples themselves, with this expression, "He that hath ears to hear, let him hear." But, among all neglects of preaching, none is so fatal as that of sleeping in the house of God; a scorner may listen to truth and reason, and in time grow serious; an unbeliever may feel the pangs of a guilty conscience; one whose thoughts or eyes wander among other objects, may, by a lucky word, be called back to attention: But the sleeper shuts up all avenues to his soul: He is "like the deaf adder, that hearkeneth not to the voice of the charmer, charm he never so wisely." And, we may preach with as good success to the grave that is under his feet.

[Footnote 1: Hawkesworth (Swift's "Works," vol. xiii., 1762) inserts here "to believe." [T.S.]]

But the great evil of this neglect will further yet appear, from considering the real causes whence it proceedeth; whereof the first, I take to be, an evil conscience. Many men come to church to save or gain a reputation; or because they will not be singular, but comply with an established custom; yet, all the while, they are loaded with the guilt of old rooted sins. These men can expect to hear of nothing but terrors and threatenings, their sins laid open in true colours, and eternal misery the reward of them; therefore, no wonder they stop their ears, and divert their thoughts, and seek any amusement rather than stir the hell within them.

Another cause of this neglect is, a heart set upon worldly things. Men whose minds are much enslaved to earthly affairs all the week, cannot disengage or break the chain of their thoughts so suddenly, as to apply to a discourse that is wholly foreign to what they have most at heart. Tell a usurer of charity, and mercy, and restitution, you talk to the deaf; his heart and soul, with all his senses, are got among his bags, or he is gravely asleep, and dreaming of a mortgage. Tell a man of business, that the cares of the world choke the good seed; that we must not encumber ourselves with much serving; that the salvation of his soul is the one thing necessary: You see, indeed, the shape of a man before you, but his faculties are all gone off among clients and papers, thinking how to defend a bad cause, or find flaws in a good one; or, he weareth out the time in drowsy nods.

A third cause of the great neglect and scorn of preaching, ariseth from the practice of men who set up to decry and disparage religion; these, being zealous to promote infidelity and vice, learn a rote of buffoonery that serveth all occasions, and refutes the strongest arguments for piety and good manners. These have a set of ridicule calculated for all sermons, and all preachers, and can be extreme witty as often as they please upon the same fund.

Let me now, in the last place, offer some remedies against this great evil.

It will be one remedy against the contempt of preaching, rightly to consider the end for which it was designed. There are many who place abundance of merit in going to church, although it be with no other prospect but that of being well entertained, wherein if they happen to fail, they return wholly disappointed. Hence it is become an impertinent vein among people of all sorts to hunt after what they call a good sermon, as if it were a matter of pastime and diversion. Our business, alas! is quite another thing, either to learn, or, at least, be reminded of our duty, to apply the doctrines delivered, compare the rules we hear with our lives and actions, and find wherein we have transgressed. These are the dispositions men should bring into the house of God, and then they will be little concerned about the preacher's wit or eloquence, nor be curious to enquire out his faults and infirmities, but consider how to correct their own.

Another remedy against the contempt of preaching, is, that men would consider, whether it be not reasonable to give more allowances for the different abilities of preachers than they usually do; refinements of style, and flights of wit, as they are not properly the business of any preacher, so they cannot possibly be the talents of all. In most other discourses, men are satisfied with sober sense and plain reason; and, as understandings usually go, even that is not over frequent. Then why they should be so over nice in expectation of eloquence,[2] where it is neither necessary nor convenient, is hard to imagine.

[Footnote 2: Hawkesworth (1762 edit.) has "over nice and expecting for sense"; but both the 4to and the 8vo of 1764 agree with Scott as above. [T.S.]]

Lastly: The scorners of preaching would do well to consider, that this talent of ridicule, they value so much, is a perfection very easily acquired, and applied to all things whatsoever; neither is anything at all the worse, because it is capable of being perverted to burlesque: Perhaps it may be the more perfect upon that score; since we know, the most celebrated pieces have been thus treated with greatest success. It is in any man's power to suppose a fool's cap on the wisest head, and then laugh at his own supposition. I think there are not many things cheaper than supposing and laughing; and if the uniting these two talents can bring a thing into contempt, it is hard to know where it may end.

To conclude: These considerations may, perhaps, have some effect while men are awake; but what arguments shall we use to the sleeper? What methods shall we take to hold open his eyes? Will he be moved by considerations of common civility? We know it is reckoned a point of very bad manners to sleep in private company, when, perhaps, the tedious impertinence of many talkers would render it at least as excusable as at the dullest sermon. Do they think it a small thing to watch four hours at a play, where all virtue and religion are openly reviled; and can they not watch one half hour to hear them defended? Is this to deal like a judge, (I mean like a good judge) to listen on one side of the cause, and sleep on the other? I shall add but one word more: That this indecent sloth is very much owing to that luxury and excess men usually practise upon this day, by which half the service thereof is turned to sin; men dividing the time between God and their bellies, when after a gluttonous meal, their senses dozed and stupefied, they retire to God's house to sleep out the afternoon. Surely, brethren, these things ought not so to be.

"He that hath ears to hear, let him hear." And God give us all grace to hear and receive His holy word to the salvation of our own souls.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****



APPENDIX I.

SWIFT'S REMARKS ON DR GIBBS'S PARAPHRASE OF THE PSALMS.

NOTE.

"THE following manuscript was literally copied from the printed original found in the library of Dr. J. Swift, Dean of St Patrick's, Dublin, in the year 1745. The marginal notes and parodies were written by the Dean's own hand, except such as are distinguished with this mark O with which I am only chargeable. Witness my hand, this 25th day of February, 1745. WILLIAM DUNKIN.

"N.B.—The original was by me presented to his excellency Philip Dormer Stanhope, Earl of Chesterfield, lord lieutenant general and general governor of Ireland. W.D."

The manuscript to which Dr. Dunkin refers is in the library of Trinity College, Dublin. The present text is taken from a transcript which is at the South Kensington Museum, and which appears to be the identical transcript used by Nichols for his reprint in the quarto edition, vol. xiv. At the end of this MS. is the following note:

"The above was written from the manuscript mentioned in the first page, now in the hands of Nicholas Coyne, Esq., being the only copy in the kingdom of Ireland; he having purchased the original, and afterwards generously given it to his friend Dr. Dunkin, finding the doctor extremely uneasy at the disappointment the Earl of Chesterfield was like to meet with, as he had promised the earl to attend the auction, and procure it for him at any price; and is now transcribed by Neale Molloy, of Dublin, Esq'r, by the favour of the said Nicholas Coyne, his brother-in-law; and sent by him to his kinsman, and dear friend, Charles Molloy, of London, Esq're.

"Dublin, 26th, of May, 1748."

The "Epistle Dedicatory" to Princess Anne, in Dr. Gibbs's volume, has also been annotated, chiefly by Dr. Dunkin; but as these are mostly too filthy to be published, I have omitted the few notes by Swift, which consist merely of marginalia corrections of words and a few satirical interpolations of no great consequence. I have corrected Dr. Gibbs's text by the original edition of his "Paraphrase" (1701). The corrections were necessary, since the transcript could not be absolutely relied on.

[T.S.]

APPENDIX I. DR SWIFT'S REMARKS

On "The first Fifteen Psalms of David, translated into Lyric Verse: Proposed as an Essay, supplying the Perspicuity and Coherence according to the Modern Art of Poetry; not known to have been attempted before in any Language. With a Preface containing some Observations of the great and general Defectiveness of former Versions in Greek, Latin, and English. By Dr. [James] Gibbs. London: printed by J. Mathews, for John Hartley, over-against Gray's-Inn, in Holborn. MDCCI."

THE FIRST FIFTEEN PSALMS, TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH VERSE.

DR GIBBS. DR SWIFT. I. PSALM OF DAVID, (1) (1)I warn the reader that Comparing the different state of the this is a lie, both here righteous and the wicked, both in this and all over the book; and the next world. for these are not Psalms of David, but of Dr. Gibbs.

1 Thrice happy he! that does refuse. (2) But I suppose with With impious (2) sinners to combine; pious sinners a man may Who ne'er their wicked way pursues, combine safely enough And does the scorner's seat(3)decline (3)What part of speech is it?

2 But still to learn, and to obey (4) All. The Law of God is his delight; In that employs himself all day, (5) A man must have And reads and thinks thereon at(4) some time to sleep; so night.(5) that I will change the verse thus: "And thinks and dreams thereon all night."



3 For as a tree, whose spreading root (6) Look ye; you must By some prolific stream is fed, thin the boughs at the Produces (6) fair and timely fruit, top, or your fruit will And numerous boughs adorn its head: be neither fair or Whose (7) very leaves, tho' storms descend, timely. In lively verdure still appear (7) Why, what other part Whose (7) very leaves, tho' storms descend, of a tree appears in lively. In lively verdure still appear; verdure, beside the Such blessings always shall attend leaves? The man that does the Lord revere. These very leaves on which you penn'd Your woeful stuff, may serve for squibs: Such blessings always shall attend The madrigals of Dr. Gibbs.

4 Like chaff with every wind disperst:(1) (1) "Dispurst," [rhyming with "curst"] Pronounce this like a blockhead.

6 And these to punishment may go. (2) (2) If they please.



["The above may serve for a tolerable specimen of Swift's remarks. The whole should be given, if it were possible to make them intelligible, without copying the version which is ridiculed; a labour for which our readers would scarcely thank us. A few detached stanzas, however, with the Dean's notes on them, shall be transcribed." Thus writes Scott; but I have added a great many more, which deserve reprinting, if only for their humour. [T.S.]]



DR GIBBS. DR SWIFT.

II. PSALM OF DAVID. (1) I do not believe that ever kings entered 1 Why do the heathen nations rise, into plots and And in mad tumults join! confederacies against the reign of God Almighty. 2 Confederate kings vain plots (1) devise Against the Almighty's reign: His Royal Title they deny, (2) What word does Whom God appointed Christ; that plural number belong to? 3 Let us reject their (2) laws, they cry, Their binding force resist.

7 And thus to Him was pleased to say, (3) An excellent drug- As I His words declare; (3) german.



9 But those, that do thy laws refuse, (4) After a man is In pieces thou shalt break; broken in pieces, And with an iron sceptre bruise (4) 'tis no great matter Their disobedient (5) neck. to have his neck bruised.

(5) Neak.

10 Ye earthly kings, the caution hear; (6) Rulers must learn Ye rulers, learn the same; (6) it, but kings may only hear it.

11 Serve God with reverence, and with fear(7) His joyful praise proclaim; (7) Very proper to make a joyful proclamation with fear.

12 Confess the Son, and own His (8) reign, (8) Of Blackmore's Ere He to wrath inclines; reign. And, so resenting your disdain, Confound your vain designs: (9) (9) You with his lines

For should the madness of His foes (1) (1) For should the foes Th' avenging God incense, of David's ape Happy are they that can repose Provoke his grey In Him their confidence. (2) goose quills, Happy are they that can escape The vengeance of his pills.

(2) Admirably reasoned and connected!

III. PSALM OF DAVID.

When he fled from his son Absalom. To Dr. Gibbs, ex aqua in ignem.

4 When to the Lord for help I cry, (3) Secoure. He hears me from the Throne on high; (4) By this I think it 5 And thus I sleep and wake secure, (3) is clear that he cries Guarded by His almighty Power. (4) in his sleep.

6 No fears shall then my soul depress,* *Deprease, Loard, Though thus my enemies increase; Scotice.

7 And (5) therefore, now arise, O Lord,* (5) He desires God's And graciously thy help afford: help, because he is not afraid of his enemies; others, I think, usually desire it when they are afraid.

8 And thus (6) to grant a sure defence, (6) The doctor hath a Belongs to God's (7) omnipotence; mighty affection for the particle thus: he uses it four times in this Psalm, and 100 times in other places, and always wrong.

(7) That is as much as to say, he that can do all things can defend a man; which I take to be an undoubted truth.

IV. PSALM OF DAVID.

Reproving and admonishing his enemies. Not to burlesque his Psalms.

1 As Thou hast always taken care A pretty phrase! My sufferings to remove.

2 But you, my frail (1) malicious foes, (1) Are they malicious Who do my power despise; out of frailty, or frail Vainly how long will ye oppose, out of malice? And (2) falsely calumnize! (2) That is, they say false things falsely.

I will discover the doctor's secret of making the coherence and connection, in the Psalms that he brags of in his title and preface: he lays violent hands on certain particles,(such as and, when, since, for, but, thus, so, &c.) and presses them to his service on all occasions sore against their wills, and without any regard whether the sense will admit them or no.

3 Since those alone the Lord has blest, (3) 'Tis plain the doctor That do from sin refrain; never requested to be a He therefore grants what I request, (3) poet. And hears when I (4) complain:

(4) If your requests be granted, why do you complain?

But of Thy face to us do Thou What is it, to The favour still dispense; dispense the favour of his face?



7 Then shall my soul with more divine (5) I have heard of a And solid joys abound, crown or garland of corn, Than they with stores of corn and wine, but a crown of wine is Those earthly riches, crown'd: (5) new, and can hardly be explained, unless we suppose the wine to be in icicles.

8 And thus confiding, Lord, in thee (6) And yet, to shew I I take my calm repose; (6) tell no fibs, For thou each night protectest me Thou hast left me in From all my (7) treacherous foes thrall To Hopkins, eke, and Doctor Gibbs The vilest rogue of all.

(7) Aye, and open foes too; or his repose would not be very calm.

V. PSALM OF DAVID:

Trusting in God, he implores protection Especially Doctor from his enemies._ Gibbs.

1 O Lord, receive my fervent prayer, (1) I suppose he Relieve my soul opprest with care, thought it would be And hear my loud (1) complaint; heard the better for being loud. [Greek: Oion aento mega kekraigenai kai ochlaeson einai.]—LUC. TIM., Misanth.

2 On Thee alone I can rely, Do Thou, my God, to whom I fly, My sad (2) petition grant: (2) My poor petition. Ay, a sad one indeed.

5 They on thy favour can't rely, (3) Such vile poetry. That practice such iniquity, (3) What is the meaning of For Thou wilt punish those that word, such, in this place?

6 That do malicious lies (4) invent, (4) Malicious lines. And would to death the innocent By treacherous means (5) expose. (5) By doggrel rhimes.



8 Lord, in Thy Laws (6) direct my ways, (6) He perseveres—not Since those my watchful foe surveys, that he values the Laws, And make me persevere: but because his foes watch him. A good principle!

9 They flatter to destroy:

10 But let, O Lord, the vengeance due (7) Horrid rhimes. Those in their horrid crimes (7) pursue, (8) Defoy. Who do Thy power defy: (8)

VI. PSALM OF DAVID:

Penitently complaining of his sufferings. By this translator.

I Thy heavy hand restrain, (9) (9) Thy heavy hand With mercy, Lord, correct; restrain; Do not, (1) as if in high disdain, Have mercy, Dr. Gibbs: My helpless soul reject: Do not, I pray thee, paper stain 2 For how shall I sustain With rhymes retail'd in (2)Those ills, which now I bear! dribbs. My vitals are consumed with pain, (3)My soul oppress'd with care: (1)That bit is a most glorious botch. (2)The squeaking of a hogrel.

(3)To listen to thy doggrel.

5 For in the silent grave, } Very true all that. When there I lie obscure, No gracious favours I can have, Nor magnify Thy power:

6 Lord, I have pray'd in (1) vain (1)The doctor must So long, so much opprest; mean himself, for I hope My very (2) cries increase my pain, David never thought so. And tears prevent my rest; (2)Then he's a dunce 7 These do my sight impair, for crying. My flowing eyes decay, While to my enemies I fear Thus (3) to become a prey. (3)That is, he is afraid of becoming a prey to his enemies while his eyes are sore.



8 But, ye vain forces! fly, (4) (4)Floy. For God, Whom I adore, Why then does he tell us just before that he has prayed in vain, and is afraid of becoming a prey to his enemies?

9 My impious foes does still destroy, When I His aid implore.

10 O Lord, by Thy fierce hand repell'd, With sudden shame retire (5) A very proper word for a man that is repell'd by a fierce hand.



VII, PSALM OF DAVID:

When unjustly persecuted,(6) and accused of (6) By Doctor Gibbs. treachery against King Saul.



I O Lord my God, since I repose (7) By chance. My trust in Thee alone, (7)

Save and defend me from my foes, That furiously come on: (8) (8) Advance.

2 Lest, like a ravenous lion, they What sort of lions are My captive soul devour, they that devour souls?



4 If I've not spared him though he's grown(9) (9) Groun. My causeless (1) enemy, (1) If he be grown his causeless enemy I presume he is no longer guiltless.



5 Then let my life, and future (2) crown (2) He gives a thing Become to him a prey: before he has it, and gives it to him that has it already; for Saul is the person meant.

6 But, Lord, thy kind assistance (1) lend, (1) But why lend? Arise in my defence; Does he design to return According to Thy laws, (2) contend it back when he has done For injured innocence: with it?

(2) Profane rascal! he makes it a struggle and contention between God and the wicked.

7 That all the nations, that oppose, (3) (3) Oppause. May then confess Thy power: Therefore assert my righteous cause, That they may Thee adore: (4) (4) Adoure.



8 For equal judgment, Lord, to Thee (5) Yet in the very The nations (5) all submit; verse before he tells of Be therefore (6) merciful to me. nations that oppose. And my just soul acquit: (7) (6) Because all nations submit to God, therefore God must be merciful to Dr. Gibbs.

(7) Of what?



9 Destroy the wicked in their plots: Poor David never could The just with blessings crown: acquit For all the ways and secret thoughts (8) A criminal like thee, Of both to Thee are known. Against his Psalms who couldst commit Such wicked poetry.

(8) Thots.

10 Thus by God's gracious providence (9) (9) Observe the I'm still preserved secure, (1) connection. Who all the good and just defends (1) Secoure. With a resistless (2) power. (2) That's right, doctor; but then there will be no contending, as you desired a while ago.

'Tis wonderful that Providence Should save thee from the halter, Who hast in numbers without sense Burlesqued the holy Psalter.



11 All men He does with justice view, (1) That's no great And their iniquity mark of viewing them With direful vengeance can pursue, with justice. God has Or patiently (1) pass by: wiser ends for passing by His vengeance on the wicked, you profane dunce!

13 For He the artillery directs, What's that charge? it The sudden charge ordains, must allude to a charge of gunpowder, or it is nonsense.



15 Lo! now th'inflictions (2) they design'd (2) Ay, but what sort of By others to be borne, things are these Even all the mischiefs (3) in their mind inflictions? Do on themselves return: (4) (3) If the mischiefs be in their mind, what need they return on themselves? are they not there already?

(4) Retorn.



16 By their own treachery betray'd (5) Pills To the same ills, (5) that they Invented, and with those essay'd (6) Rich. To make the poor (6) their prey: Does this verse end according to the more modern art of poetry, as the author speaks in his preface?

17 O Lord, how glorious are the ways Do not these verses end Of Thy good Providence! very sublimely? Thou, Lord, Whose blessed Name I praise, True justice dost dispense



VIII. PSALM OF DAVID:

1 The mighty powers, that celebrate That's a lie; for if Thy endless praises, can't relate they The glory they in Heaven survey: can survey it they can easily relate it.

2 Young helpless infants at the breast Young younglings. Their great Creator have confest, [The italics are And in their weakness spoke Thy pow'r, Swift's.] This stanza is just upon the purlieus between sense and nonsense.

4 Lord, what is wretched (7) man, I cry, (7) A very proper epithet Or all his sinful progeny, for those who are scarce That thou to them dost prove so kind! inferior to angels.



5 To honour Thou dost them prefer, A fine cadence that. To angels scarce inferior,

6 They over all Thy works command:



7 The flocks and herds o'er every field (1) That's a lie, for To their just lords obedience yield, sometimes they trespass And all (1) in full subjection stand: on other men's grounds.

8 O'er all the birds, that mount the air, (2) Appair. And fish, that in the floods appear,(2) Man bears an arbitrary sway: Those, I think, are not very many: they are caught, but till then we have no great sway over them.



IX. PSALM OF DAVID:

3 Confounded at the sight of Thee (3) The doctor's mistaken; My foes are put to flight; (3) for, when people are confounded, they cannot fly.



4 Thus thou, great God of equity, (4) Against Sternhold Dost still assert my right. (4) and Hopkins.



6 Insulting foes, how long can ye (5) bost. Of ruin'd cities boast! (5) Blunderings, Siccorrige Your plunderings now as well as they meo periculo. That's a Are in oblivion lost: lie, for Gibbs remembers them.



7 But God eternally remains (6) (6) That's false and Fixt in His throne on high, profane; God is not fixed anywhere.

8 And to the world from thence ordains (7) Did anybody ever Impartial equity:(7) hear of partial equity?



9 And for their injured souls extend That extending a refuge, A refuge most secure. is pretty.



12 He hears the injured poor, and then i.e. is angry at their Does all their cries resent. cries.



13 And thus consider still, O Lord, (8) Nothing is restored The justice of my cause; but what has been taken Who often hast my life (8) restor'd away; so that he has been From death's devouring jaws: often raised from the dead, if this be true.

15 The heathen nations are dismay'd (9) (9) We heard a while They're all to ruin brought, ago their very names were For in the treacherous nets, they laid, dead,[1] now (it seems) Ev'n they themselves are caught: they're only dismay'd.

[Footnote 1: Ver. 5. "They and their very names are dead."]



16 Lo, thus the Lord to execute True judgment still inclines; This is profane, as if it were only an inclination in God to be just.



X. PSALM OF DAVID:

1 Lord, why in times of deep distress If the woes require aid Dost Thou from us retire, it is to increase them, When dismal woes our souls oppress, they cannot require it And Thy kind aid require! against themselves.



2 The wicked do with lawless pride (1) (1) Proide. Pronounce The helpless persecute; it like the Scotch. But let them be themselves destroy'd, And fall in their pursuit: Ay, let them!



3 For still they triumph, when success I cannot crock this Does their designs attend, stave. And then their ways, who thus oppress, Profanely they commend:

* * * * *

5 And from the barbarous (2) paths they tread,(2) The author should No acts of Providence first have premised what Can e'er oblige them to recede, sort of paths were Or stop (3) their bold offence; properly barbarous. I suppose they must be very deep and dirty, or very rugged and stony; both which I myself have heard travellers call barbarous roads.

(3) Which is the way to stop an offence? Would you have it stopped like a bottle, or a thief? For what end? is it to catch a louse, better lay wait for the rich by half.

8 And for the poor in secret they Do treacherously lay wait: As a lion observes with 9 As hungry lions do their prey watchful eyes, just so a Observe with watchful eyes, wicked man surprises So heedless innocents would they with sudden force—a very With sudden force surprise; just simile. And then, like lions merciless, They surprise them like Their trembling souls devour; lions, but then they devour And thus the helpless do oppress (4) devour them [like] lions. When captives to their power;

(4) This line is dry nonsense or false grammar and will bear no jest.



13 no more No mour. Pronounce [rhyming with pow'r.] this like my lady's woman.



14 deserts Desarts. Pronounce [rhyming with hearts.] this like my lady's housemaid.



XI. PSALM OF DAVID:

1 come on, Come un. Pronounce [rhyming with shun.] this like a chambermaid.

The force of his argument lies here: he does 3 For if the Power, in which they trust, not fear his enemies, Should fail, how helpless are the just! because if God's power should fail he has no help.

6 And on their impious heads will pour (1) A shower of snares Of snares (1) and flames a dismal shower; on a man's head would And this their bitter cup must be do wonderful execution. (2) To drink to all eternity: However, I grant it is a scurvy thing enough to swallow them.

(2) To taste the doctor's poetry.



XII. PSALM OF DAVID:

1 O Lord, some help for me provide, He can confide in but For in but few I can confide, few because all are. All men are so perfidious grown; perfidious. Smoke that!



2 True mutual kindness they pretend, Did ever any man pretend mutual kindness to another?

3 But God those flatterers will confound, Qu: whether flatterers That with abusive lies abound, usually abound with And proudly boast their vicious ways, abusive lies?

4 That say, with our deceitful tongues If they say thus they are silly flatterers.

6 And since He thus was pleased to say, That comparison is Like gold refined from base alloy, well applied. His promise never can deceive; (3) (3) Deceive. Pronounce this like a beau.

7 And therefore will their cause assert, Examine well the grammar Who thus are pure and true of heart, and sense and the And save them from the enemy; elegance of this stanza.

8 For, when th' ungodly meet success, Here the author separates The wicked more and more increase,(1) the wicked from And proudly all their foes defy. the ungodly.

(1) Incress.



XIII. PSALM OF DAVID:

1 How long wilt Thou neglect, A civil question that! O Lord, to hear me pray!

3 Attend, and hear my cries, Mind me, Sir! Some comfort now disclose, E'er grief has shut my weeping eyes Which would be nonsense, In death's obscure repose: put in prose.

4 Lest my proud enemy, If now my trust should fail, And those that persecute me cry; See, thus we still prevail: A pretty speech that!



XIV. PSALM OF DAVID:

1 Hence virtue in the world declines, Without question virtue And all men vicious grow. declines with a vengeance when all men grow vicious.

2 And see who would His being own, What other way is And Him, as God, adore: there of adoring?

3 (2) But they were all perverted grown, (2) But they were all Polluted all with blood, perverted grown, And other impious crimes; not one In spite of Dr. Gibbs Was either just (3) or good. his blood: Of all his impious rhimes not one Was either just or good.

(3) For a man (it seems) may be good and not just.

4 Are they so stupid (4) then, said (5) God, (4) The fault was not_ Who thus My (6) saints devour! that they devoured_ These (7) crimes have they not understood, saints,_ but that they Nor thought upon My power! were stupid. Qu: Whether stupidity makes men devour saints, or devouring saints makes a man stupid? I believe the latter, because they may be apt to lie heavy in one's stomach.

(5) Clod.

(6) Strains.

(7) Rhimes.



7 (1) O, that His aid we now might have (1) And O that every From Sion's holy hill, parish clerk, That God the captive just would save, Who hums what Brady cribs And glad all Israel. From Hopkins, would read this work, And glad the heart with Gibbs.



XV. PSALM OF DAVID:

Representing the character of a good man. And a bad poet.

2 Sincere, and just, who never lie;_

3 And so their neighbour ne'er deceive, How so?

5 All those that lead a life like this (2) And so the doctor Shall reign in everlasting bliss. (2) now may kiss——!



FINIS.

Fiddling Impudent Nauseous Illiterate Scoundrel oolish dle onsensical gnorant cot



APPENDIX II.

A

PROPOSAL

HUMBLY OFFERED TO THE

P T

FOR THE MORE EFFECTUAL PREVENTING THE

FURTHER GROWTH OF POPERY.

WITH THE

DESCRIPTION AND USE OF THE ECCLESIASTICAL THERMOMETER,

VERY PROPER FOR ALL FAMILIES.

"Insani sanus nomen ferat, aequus iniqui, Ultra quam satis est, virtutem si petat ipsam."

HOR. Epist. 1. vi. 16.



This "Proposal," which has not been included in the editions of Swift's Works issued by Scott, Faulkner, or Hawkesworth, appeared originally, but in a shorter form, in the "Tatler" (No. 220, September 4th, 1710). In this form the whole of the first portion, from the beginning to the paragraph commencing "The Church thermometer," is omitted, as are also the last paragraphs of the essay, including the "Advertisement." The text of the present reprint I have taken from the "Miscellanies," vol. viii., 1745 (pp. 217-229). In all modern editions of the "Tatler" this paper is ascribed to Addison; but the style and the subject are so characteristic of Swift that, although I am not in a position to say definitely that it is by him, I think it deserves a place in the form of an Appendix. The date of its appearance in the "Tatler" is somewhat against Swift having written it, since he was at that time on his way to London; and of the few contributions he sent to the "Tatler" it is agreed by all editors that the first is the paper on the same subject as the letter to the Lord High Treasurer, which appeared in No. 230 (September 28th, 1710).

[T.S.]

APPENDIX II.

PROPOSAL FOR PREVENTING THE FURTHER GROWTH OF POPERY.

Having, with great sorrow of heart, observed the increase of Popery among us of late years, and how ineffectual the penal laws and statutes of this realm have been, for near forty years last past, towards reclaiming that blind and deluded people from their errors, notwithstanding the good intentions of the legislators, and the pious and unwearied labours of the many learned divines of the Established Church, who have preached to them without ceasing, although hitherto without success:

Having also remarked, in his Grace's speech to both Houses of Parliament, most kind offers of his Grace's good offices towards obtaining such further laws as shall be thought necessary towards bringing home the said wandering sheep into the fold of the Church, as also a good disposition in the parliament to join in the laudable work, towards which every good Protestant ought to contribute at least his advice: I think it a proper time to lay before the public a scheme which was writ some years since, and laid by to be ready on a fit occasion.

That, whereas the several penal laws and statutes now in being against Papists, have been found ineffectual, and rather tend to confirm, than reclaim men from their errors, as calling a man coward, is a ready way to make him fight; It is humbly proposed,

I. That the said penal laws and statutes against Papists, except the law of Gavelkind, and that which disqualifies them for places, be repealed, abrogated, annulled, destroyed, and obliterated, to all intents and purposes.

II. That, in the room of the said penal laws and statutes, all ecclesiastical jurisdiction be taken from out of the hands of the clergy of the established Church, and the same be vested in the several popish archbishops, bishops, deans and arch-deacons; nevertheless so as such jurisdiction be exercised over persons of the Popish religion only.

III. That a Popish priest shall be settled by law in each and every parish in Ireland.

IV. That the said Popish priest shall, on taking the oath of allegiance to his majesty, be entitled to a tenth part or tithe of all things tithable in Ireland, belonging to the papists, within their respective parishes, yet so as such grant of tithes to such Popish priests, shall not be construed, in law or equity, to hinder the Protestant clergyman of such parish from receiving and collecting his tithes in like manner as he does at present.

V. That, in case of detention or subtraction of tithes by any Papist, the parish priest do have his remedy at law in any of his majesty's courts, in the same manner as now practised by the clergy of the Established Church; together with all other ecclesiastical dues. And, for their further discovery to vex their people at law, it might not be amiss to oblige the solicitor-general, or some other able king's counsel, to give his advice, or assistance to such priests gratis, for which he might receive a salary out of the Barrack Fund, Military Contingencies, or Concordatum; having observed the exceedings there better paid than of the army, or any other branch of the establishment; and I would have no delay in payment in a matter of this importance.

VI. That the archbishops and bishops have power to visit the inferior clergy, and to extort proxies, exhibits, and all other perquisites usual in Popish and Protestant countries.

VII. That the convocation having been found, by long experience, to be hurtful to true religion, be for ever hereafter abolished among Protestants.

VIII. That, in the room thereof, the Popish archbishops, bishops, priests, deans, arch-deacons, and proctors, have liberty to assemble themselves in convocation, and be impowered to make such canons as they shall think proper for the government of the Papists in Ireland:

IX. And that, the secular arm being necessary to enforce obedience to ecclesiastical censure, the sheriffs, constables, and other officers, be commanded to execute the decrees and sentences of the said popish convocation, with secrecy and dispatch, or, in lieu thereof, they may be at liberty to erect an inquisition, with proper officers of their own.

X. That, as Papists declare themselves converts to the Established Church, all spiritual power over them shall cease.

XI. That as soon as any whole parish shall renounce the Popish religion, the priest of such parish shall, for his good services, have a pension of L200 per ann. settled on him for life, and that he be from such time exempt from preaching and praying, and other duties of his function, in like manner as protestant divines, with equal incomes, are at present.

XII. That each bishop, so soon as his diocese shall become protestants, be called, My Lord, and have a pension of two thousand pounds per annum during life.

XIII. That when a whole province shall be reclaimed, the archbishop shall be called His Grace, and have a pension of three thousand pounds per ann. during life, and be admitted a member of his majesty's most honourable privy council.

The good consequences of this scheme, (which will execute itself without murmurings against the government) are very visible: I shall mention a few of the most obvious.

I. The giving the priest a right to the tithe would produce law-suits and wrangles; his reverence, being entituled to a certain income at all events, would consider himself as a legal incumbent, and behave accordingly, and apply himself more to fleecing than feeding his flock; his necessary attendance on the courts of justice would leave his people without a spiritual guide; by which means protestant curates, who have no suits about tithes, would be furnished with proper opportunities for making converts, which is very much wanted.

II. The erecting a spiritual jurisdiction amongst them would, in all probability, drive as many out of that communion, as a due execution of such jurisdiction hath hitherto drove from amongst ourselves.

III. An inquisition would still be a further improvement, and most certainly would expedite the conversion of Papists.

I know it may be objected to this scheme, and with some shew of reason, that, should the Popish princes abroad pursue the same methods, with regard to their protestant subjects, the Protestant interest in Europe would thereby be considerably weakened: but as we have no reason to suspect Popish counsels will ever produce so much moderation, I think the objection ought to have but little weight.

A due execution of this scheme will soon produce many converts from Popery; nevertheless, to the end may it be known, when they shall be of the true Church, I have ordered a large parcel of ecclesiastical or Church thermometers to be made, one of which is to be hung up in each parish church, the description and use of which take as follows, in the words of the ingenious Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq.

The[1] Church thermometer, which I am now to treat of, is supposed have been invented in the reign of Henry the Eighth, about the time when that religious prince put some to death for owning the Pope's supremacy, and others for denying transubstantiation. I do not find, however, any great use made of this instrument till it fell into the hand of a learned and vigilant priest or minister, (for he frequently wrote himself both the one and the other) who was some time Vicar of Bray. This gentleman lived in his vicarage to a good old age; and after having seen several successions of his neighbouring clergy either burnt or banished, departed this life with the satisfaction of having never deserted his flock, and died Vicar of Bray. As this glass was first designed to calculate the different degrees of heat in religion, as it raged in Popery, or as it cooled, and grew temperate in the Reformation, it was marked at several distances, after the manner our ordinary thermometer is to this day, viz. extreme hot sultry hot, very hot, hot, warm, temperate, cold, just freezing, frost, hard frost, great frost, extreme cold.

[Footnote 1: In the "Tatler" this paragraph is preceded by the following: "From my own apartment, Sept. 4.—Having received many letters filled with compliments and acknowledgments for my late useful discovery of the political barometer, I shall here communicate to the publican account of my ecclesiastical thermometer, the latter giving as manifest prognostications of the changes and revolutions in Church, as the former does of those in State, and both of them being absolutely necessary for every prudent subject who is resolved to keep what he has, and get what he can." [T.S.]]

It is well known, that Torricellius,[2] the inventor of the common weather-glass, made the experiment of a long tube which held thirty-two foot of water; and that a more modern virtuoso finding such a machine altogether unwieldly and useless, and considering that thirty-two inches of quicksilver weighed as much as so many foot of water in a tube of the same circumference, invented that sizeable instrument which is now in use. After this manner, that I might adapt the thermometer I am now speaking of to the present constitution of our Church, as divided into High and Low, I have made some necessary variations both in the tube and the fluid it contains. In the first place I ordered a tube to be cast in a planetary hour, and took care to seal it hermetically, when the sun was in conjunction with Saturn. I then took the proper precautions about the fluid, which is a compound of two different liquors; one of them a spirit drawn out of a strong heady wine; the other a particular sort of rock-water, colder than ice, and clearer than crystal. The spirit is of a red, fiery colour, and so very apt to ferment, that, unless it be mingled with a proportion of the water, or pent up very close, it will burst the vessel that holds it, and fly up in a fume and smoke. The water, on the contrary, is of such a subtile, piercing cold, that, unless it be mingled with a proportion of the spirits, it will sink almost through every thing it is put into, and seems to be of the same nature as the water mentioned by Quintus Curtius, which says the historian, could be contained in nothing but in the hoof, or (as the Oxford Manuscript has it) the skull of an ass. The thermometer is marked according to the following figure, which I set down at length, not only to give my reader a clear idea of it, but also to fill up my paper.

[Footnote 2: Evangelista Torricelli (1608-1647) was assistant to Galileo, and is famous as the discoverer of the phenomena on which he made the barometer. In 1644 he published "Opera Geometrica." [T.S.]]

Ignorance. Persecution. Wrath. Zeal. CHURCH. Moderation. Lukewarmness. Infidelity. Ignorance.

The reader will observe, that the Church is placed in the middle point of the glass between Zeal and Moderation, the situation in which she always flourishes, and in which every good Englishman wishes her, who is a friend to the constitution of his country. However, when it mounts to Zeal, it is not amiss; and, when it sinks to Moderation, it is still in admirable temper. The worst of it is, that when once it begins to rise, it has still an inclination to ascend, insomuch that it is apt to climb from Zeal to Wrath, and from Wrath to Persecution, which often ends in Ignorance, and very often proceeds from it. In the same manner it frequently takes its progress through the lower half of the glass; and, when it has a tendency to fall, will gradually descend from Moderation to Lukewarmness, and from Lukewarmness to Infidelity, which very often terminates in Ignorance, and always proceeds from it.

It is a common observation, that the ordinary thermometer will be affected by the breathing of people who are in the room where it stands, and indeed it is almost incredible to conceive how the glass I am now describing, will fall by the breath of the multitude crying Popery; or, on the contrary, how it will rise when the same multitude (as it sometimes happens) cry out in the same breath, The Church is in Danger.

As soon as I have finished this my glass, and adjusted it to the above-mentioned scale of religion, that I might make proper experiments with it, I carried it under my cloak to several coffee-houses, and other places of resort, about this great city. At Saint James's Coffee-house the liquor stood at Moderation; but at Will's, to my extreme surprise, it subsided to the very lowest mark of the glass. At the Grecian it mounted but just one point higher; at the Rainbow it still ascended two degrees; Child's fetched it up to Zeal, and other adjacent coffee-houses to Wrath.

It fell in the lower half of the glass as I went further into the City, till at length it settled at Moderation, where it continued all the time I stayed about the Change, as also whilst I passed by the Bank. And here I cannot but take notice, that, through the whole course of my remarks, I never observed my glass to rise at the same time that the stocks did.

To complete the experiment, I prevailed upon a friend of mine, who works under me in the occult sciences, to make a progress with my glass through the whole Island of Great Britain; and, after his return, to present me with a register of his observations. I guessed beforehand at the temper of several places he passed through, by the characters they have had time out of mind. Thus that facetious divine, Dr. Fuller,[3] speaking of the town of Banbury near a hundred years ago, tells us, it was a place famous for cakes and zeal, which I find by my glass is true to this day, as to the latter part of his description; though I must confess, it is not in the same reputation for cakes that it was in the time of that learned author; and thus of other places. In short, I have now by me, digested in an alphabetical order, all the counties, corporations, and boroughs in Great Britain, with their respective tempers, as they stand related to my thermometer. But this I shall keep to myself, because I would by no means do any thing that may seem to influence any ensuing election.

[Footnote 3: Thomas Fuller, D.D. (1608-1661) was the author of "History of the Worthies of England," "History of the Holy War," and many other works distinguished for their humour and style. [T.S.]]

The point of doctrine which I would propagate by this my invention, is the same which was long ago advanced by that able teacher Horace, out of whom I have taken my text for this discourse: We should be careful not to over-shoot ourselves in the pursuits even of virtue. Whether zeal or moderation be the point we aim at, let us keep fire out of the one, and frost out of the other. But, alas! the world is too wise to want such a precaution. The terms High-Church and Low-Church, as commonly used, do not so much denote a principle, as they distinguish a party. They are like words of battle, they have nothing to do with their original signification, but are only given out to keep a body of men together, and to let them know friends from enemies.

I must confess I have considered, with some attention, the influence which the opinions of these great national sects have upon their practice; and do look upon it as one of the unaccountable things of our times, that multitudes of honest gentlemen, who entirely agree in their lives, should take it in their heads to differ in their religion.[4]

[Footnote 4: Here the "Tatler" paper ends. [T.S.]]

I shall conclude this paper with an account of a conference which happened between a very excellent divine (whose doctrine was easy, and formerly much respected) and a lawyer.

* * * * *

And behold a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?

He said unto him, What is written in the law? How readest thou?

And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right; this do, and thou shalt live.

But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?

And Jesus answering, said; A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.

And by chance there came down a certain priest that way; and, when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.

But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was; and, when he saw him, he had compassion on him.

And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine; and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

And on the morrow, when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him, and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.

Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?

And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise. Luke x. 25 to 38.

* * * * *

Advertisement.

There is now in the press a proposal for raising a fund towards paying the National Debt by the following means: The author would have commissioners appointed to search all the public and private libraries, booksellers shops and warehouses, in this kingdom, for such books as are of no use to the owner, or to the public, viz. all comments on the Holy Scriptures, whether called sermons, creeds, bodies of divinity, tomes of casuistry, vindications, confutations, essays, answers, replies, rejoinders, or sur-rejoinders, together with all other learned treatises and books of divinity, of what denomination or class soever; as also all comments on the laws of the land, such as reports, law-cases, decrees, guides for attorneys and young clerks, and, in fine, all the books now in being in this kingdom (whether of divinity, law, physic, metaphysics, logics or politics) except the pure text of the Holy Scriptures, the naked text of the laws, a few books of morality, poetry, music, architecture, agriculture, mathematics, merchandise and history; the author would have the aforesaid useless books carried to the several paper-mills, there to be wrought into white paper, which, to prevent damage or complaints, he would have performed by the commentators, critics, popular preachers, apothecaries, learned lawyers, attorneys, solicitors, logicians, physicians, almanac-makers, and others of the like wrong turn of mind; the said paper to be sold, and the produce applied to discharge the National Debt; what should remain of the said debt unsatisfied, might be paid by a tax on the salaries or estates of bankers, common cheats, usurers, treasurers, embezzelers of public money, general officers, sharpers, pensioners, pick-pockets, &c.



APPENDIX III.

SWIFT AND SERJEANT BETTESWORTH.

The rencontre with Serjeant Bettesworth, to which reference has already been made in the note prefixed to "The Presbyterians' Plea of Merit," is further illustrated by the Resolution which the inhabitants of the Liberty of St. Patrick's passed, and which they presented to the Dean. Bettesworth, as a note in the thirteenth volume of Swift's works (1762) states, "engaged his footman and two ruffians to attend him, in order to secure the dean wherever they met him, until he had gratified his resentment either by maiming or stabbing him." Accordingly, he went directly to the deanery, and hearing the Dean was at a friend's house (Rev. Mr. John Worrall's in Big Ship Street), followed him thither, charged him with writing the said verses, but had not courage enough to put his bloody design in execution. However, as he had the assurance to relate this affair to several noblemen and gentlemen, the inhabitants of the Liberty of St. Patrick's waited upon the Dean, and presented the following paper, signed by above thirty of them, in the name of themselves, and the rest of their neighbourhood:

"We the inhabitants of the Liberty of the Dean and Chapter of St Patrick's Dublin, and the neighbourhood of the same, having been informed, by universal report, that a certain man of this city hath openly threatened, and sworn before many hundred people, as well persons of quality as others, that he resolves upon the first opportunity, by the help of several ruffians, to murder or maim the Reverend the Dean of St. Patrick, our neighbour, benefactor, and the head of the Liberty of St Patrick, upon a frivolous unproved suspicion of the said Dean's having written some lines in verse reflecting on the said man.

"Therefore, we, the said inhabitants of the said Liberty, and in the neighbourhood thereof, from our great love and respect to the said Dean, to whom the whole kingdom hath so many obligations, as well as we of the Liberty, do unanimously declare, that we will endeavour to defend the life and limbs of the said Dean against the said man, and all his ruffians and murderers, as far as the law will allow, if he or any of them presume to come into the said Liberty with any wicked malicious intent against the house, or family, or person, or goods of the said Dean. To which we have cheerfully, sincerely, and heartily set our hands."

Swift, at the time of receiving this Resolution lay very ill in bed, and was unable to receive the deputation in person. He, however, dictated the following reply:

"GENTLEMEN,

"I receive, with great thankfulness, these many kind expressions of your concern for my safety, as well as your declared resolution to defend me (as far as the laws of God and man will allow) against all murderers and ruffians, who shall attempt to enter into the liberty with any bloody or wicked designs upon my life, my limbs, my house, or my goods. Gentlemen, my life is in the hand of God, and whether it may be cut off by treachery or open violence, or by the common way of other men; as long as it continueth, I shall ever bear a grateful memory for this favour you have shewn, beyond my expectation, and almost exceeding my wishes.

"The inhabitants of the liberty, as well as those of the neighbourhood, have lived with me in great amity for near twenty years; which I am confident will never diminish during my life. I am chiefly sorry, that by two cruel disorders of deafness and giddiness, which have pursued me for four months, I am not in condition either to hear, or to receive you, much less to return my most sincere acknowledgements, which in justice and gratitude I ought to do. May God bless you and your families in this world, and make you for ever happy in the next."

The poem itself to which Bettesworth took exception is herewith reprinted, as well as three others occasioned by the Bettesworth action.

ON THE WORDS

BROTHER PROTESTANTS AND FELLOW CHRISTIANS,

SO FAMILIARLY USED BY THE ADVOCATES FOR THE REPEAL OF THE TEST-ACT IN IRELAND. 1733.

"An inundation, says the fable, Overflow'd a farmer's barn and stable; Whole ricks of hay and sacks of corn Were down the sudden current borne; While things of heterogeneous kind Together float with tide and wind. The generous wheat forgot its pride, And sail'd with litter side by side; Uniting all, to shew their amity, As in a general calamity. A ball of new-dropp'd horse's dung, Mingling with apples in the throng, Said to the pippin plump and prim, 'See brother, how we apples swim.' Thus Lamb, renown'd for cutting corns, An offer'd fee from Radcliff scorns, 'Not for the world—we doctors, brother, Must take no fees of one another.' Thus to a dean some curate sloven Subscribes, 'Dear sir, your brother loving.' Thus all the footmen, shoeboys, porters, About St James's cry, 'We courtiers.' Thus Horace in the house will prate, 'Sir, we, the ministers of state.' Thus at the bar the booby Bettesworth, Though half a crown o'erpays his sweat's worth; Who knows in law nor text nor margent, Calls Singleton[1] his brother sergeant.[2] And thus fanatic saints, though neither in Doctrine nor discipline our brethren, Are brother Protestants and Christians, As much as Hebrews and Philistines: But in no other sense, than nature Has made a rat our fellow-creature. Lice from your body suck their food; But is a louse your flesh and blood? Though born of human filth and sweat, it As well may say man did beget it. And maggots in your nose and chin As well may claim you for their kin. Yet critics may object, why not? Since lice are brethren to a Scot: Which made our swarm of sects determine Employments for their brother vermin. But be they English, Irish, Scottish, What Protestant can be so sottish, While o'er the church these clouds are gathering, To call a swarm of lice his brethren? "As Moses, by divine advice, In Egypt turn'd the dust to lice; And as our sects, by all descriptions, Have hearts more harden'd than Egyptians; As from the trodden dust they spring, And, turn'd to lice, infest the king: For pity's sake, it would be just, A rod should turn them back to dust. Let folks in high or holy stations Be proud of owning such relations; Let courtiers hug them in their bosom, As if they were afraid to lose 'em: While I, with humble Job, had rather Say to corruption—'Thou 'rt my father.' For he that has so little wit To nourish vermin, may be bit."

[Footnote 1: Henry Singleton, Esq., then prime sergeant, afterwards lord-chief-justice of the common pleas, which he resigned, and was some time after made master of the rolls. F]

[Footnote 2: These lines occasioned the personal attack upon the Dean. [T.S.]]



AN EPIGRAM.[1]

INSCRIBED TO THE HONOURABLE SERGEANT KITE.

"In your indignation what mercy appears. While Jonathan's threaten'd with loss of his ears; For who would not think it a much better choice, By your knife to be mangled than rack'd with your voice. If truly you [would] be revenged on the parson, Command his attendance while you act your farce on; Instead of your maiming, your shooting, or banging, Bid Povey[2] secure him while you are haranguing. Had this been your method to torture him, long since, He had cut his own ears to be deaf to your nonsense."

[Footnote 1: Now first published from a copy in the Dean's handwriting; in possession of J. Connill, Esq. Ṣ]

[Footnote 2: Povey was sergeant-at-arms to the House of Commons.]



"THE YAHOO'S OVERTHROW; OR, THE KEVAN BAYL'S NEW BALLAD."[3]

UPON SERGEANT KITE'S INSULTING THE DEAN.

To the Tune of "Derry Down."

"Jolley boys of St Kevan's,[4] St Patrick's, Donore, And Smithfield, I'll tell you, if not told before, How Bettesworth, that booby, and scoundrel in grain, Has insulted us all by insulting the Dean. Knock him down, down, down, knock him down.

[Footnote 3: "Grub Street Journal," No. 189, August 9th, 1734.—"In December last, Mr. Bettesworth of the city of Dublin, serjeant-at-law, and member of parliament, openly swore, before many hundreds of people, that, upon the first opportunity, by the help of ruffians, he would murder or maim the Dean of St. Patrick's, (Dr. Swift). Upon which thirty-one of the principal inhabitants of that liberty signed a paper to this effect: 'That, out of their great love and respect to the Dean, to whom the whole kingdom hath so many obligations, they would endeavour to defend the life and limbs of the said Dean against a certain man and all his ruffians and murderers.' With which paper they, in the name of themselves and all the inhabitants of the city, attended the Dean on January 8, who being extremely ill in bed of a giddiness and deafness, and not able to receive them, immediately dictated a very grateful answer. The occasion of a certain man's declaration of his villainous design against the Dean, was a frivolous unproved suspicion that he had written some lines in verse reflecting upon him."]

[Footnote 4: Kevan Bayl was a cant expression for the mob of this district of Dublin.]

"The Dean and his merits we every one know, But this skip of a lawyer, where the de'il did he grow? How greater his merit at Four Courts or House, Than the barking of Towzer, or leap of a louse! Knock him down, &c.

"That he came from the Temple, his morals do show; But where his deep law is, few mortals yet know: His rhetoric, bombast, silly jests, are by far More like to lampooning, than pleading at bar. Knock him down, &c.

"This pedlar, at speaking and making of laws, Has met with returns of all sorts but applause; Has, with noise and odd gestures, been prating some years, What honester folk never durst for their ears. Knock him down, &c.

"Of all sizes and sorts, the fanatical crew Are his brother Protestants, good men and true; Red hat, and blue bonnet, and turban's the same, What the de'il is't to him whence the devil they came. Knock him down, &c.

"Hobbes, Tindal, and Woolston, and Collins, and Nayler, And Muggleton, Toland, and Bradley the tailor, Are Christians alike; and it may be averr'd, He's a Christian as good as the rest of the herd. Knock him down, &c.

"He only the rights of the clergy debates; Their rights! their importance! We'll set on new rates On their tithes at half-nothing, their priesthood at less; What's next to be voted with ease you may guess. Knock him down, &c.

"At length his old master, (I need not him name,) To this damnable speaker had long owed a shame; When his speech came abroad, he paid him off clean, By leaving him under the pen of the Dean. Knock him down, &c.

"He kindled, as if the whole satire had been The oppression of virtue, not wages of sin: He began, as he bragg'd, with a rant and a roar; He bragg'd how he bounced, and he swore how he swore.[5] Knock him down, &c.

[Footnote 5: See the Dean's letter to the Duke of Dorset, in which he gives an account of his interview with Bettesworth, about which he alleges the serjeant had spread abroad five hundred falsehoods. Ṣ]

"Though he cringed to his deanship in very low strains, To others he boasted of knocking out brains, And slitting of noses, and cropping of ears, While his own ass's zags were more fit for the shears. Knock him down, &c.

"On this worrier of deans whene'er we can hit, We'll shew him the way how to crop and to slit; We'll teach him some better address to afford To the dean of all deans, though he wears not a sword. Knock him down, &c.

"We'll colt him through Kevan, St Patrick's, Donore, And Smithfield, as rap was ne'er colted before; We'll oil him with kennel, and powder him with grains, A modus right fit for insulters of deans. Knock him down, &c.

"And, when this is over, we'll make him amends, To the Dean he shall go; they shall kiss and be friends: But how? Why, the Dean shall to him disclose A face for to kiss, without eyes, ears, or nose. Knock him down, &c.

"If you say this is hard on a man that is reckon'd That sergeant-at-law whom we call Kite the Second, You mistake; for a slave, who will coax his superiors, May be proud to be licking a great man's posteriors. Knock him down, &c.

"What care we how high runs his passion or pride? Though his soul he despises, he values his hide; Then fear not his tongue, or his sword, or his knife; He'll take his revenge on his innocent wife. Knock him down, down, down, keep him down."



"ON THE ARCHBISHOP OF CASHEL,[1] AND BETTESWORTH.

"Dear Dick, pr'ythee tell by what passion you move? The world is in doubt whether hatred or love; And, while at good Cashel you rail with such spite, They shrewdly suspect it is all but a bite. You certainly know, though so loudly you vapour, His spite cannot wound who attempted the Drapier. Then, pr'ythee, reflect, take a word of advice; And, as your old wont is, change sides in a trice: On his virtues hold forth; 'tis the very best way; And say of the man what all honest men say. But if, still obdurate, your anger remains, If still your foul bosom more rancour contains, Say then more than they, nay, lavishly flatter; 'Tis your gross panegyrics alone can bespatter; For thine, my dear Dick, give me leave to speak plain, Like very foul mops, dirty more than they clean."

[Footnote 1: Dr. Theophilus Bolton. [T.S.]]



The letter to the Earl of Dorset, containing Swift's version of the story is as follows:

"January, 1734.

"MY LORD,

"It has been my great misfortune that since your grace's return to this kingdom I have not been able to attend you, as my duty and gratitude for your favours as well as the honour of having been so many years known to you obliged me to do. I have been pursued by two old disorders, a giddiness and deafness, which used to leave me in three or four weeks, but now have continued four months. Thus I am put under a necessity to write what I would rather have chosen to say in your grace's presence.

"On Monday last week towards evening there came to the deanery one Mr. Bettesworth; who, being told by the servants that I was gone to a friend's house,[1] went thither to inquire for me, and was admitted into the street parlour. I left my company in the back room and went to him. He began with asking me 'whether I were the author of certain verses wherein he was reflected on.' The singularity of the man, in his countenance, manner, action, style, and tone of voice, made me call to mind that I had once seen him about two or three years ago at Mr. Ludlow's country-house. But I could not recollect his name; and of what calling he might be I had never heard. I therefore desired to know who and what he was; said 'I had heard of some such verses, but knew no more.' He then signified to me 'that he was a serjeant-at-law and a member of parliament.' After which he repeated the lines that concerned him with great emphasis; said 'I was mistaken in one thing, for he assured me he was no booby, but owned himself to be a coxcomb.' However, that being a point of controversy wherein I had no concern, I let it drop. As to the verses, he insisted, 'that by his taste and skill in poetry he was as sure I wrote them as if he had seen them fall from my pen.' But I found the chief weight of his argument lay upon two words that rhymed to his name, which he knew could come from none but me. He then told me 'that, since I would not own the verses, and that since he could not get satisfaction by any course of law, he would get it by his pen, and show the world what a man I was.' When he began to grow over-warm and eloquent I called in the gentleman of the house from the room adjoining; and the serjeant, going on with less turbulence, went away. He had a footman in the hall during all his talk, who was to have opened the door for one or more fellows, as he has since reported; and likewise that he had a sharp knife in his pocket, ready to stab or maim me. But the master and mistress of the house, who knew his character and could hear every word from the room they were in, had prepared a sufficient defence in such a case, as they afterward told me. He has since related to five hundred persons of all ranks about five hundred falsehoods of this conversation, of my fears and his own brutalities, against all probability as well as fact; and some of them, as I have been assured, even in the presence of your grace. His meanings and his movements were indeed peevish enough, but his words were not. He threatened me with nothing but his pen, yet owned he had no pretence to wit. And indeed I am heartily glad for his own sake that he proceeded no farther, for the least uproar would have called his nearest neighbours first to my assistance, and next to the manifest danger of his life; and I would not willingly have even a dog killed upon my account. Ever since he has amused himself with declaring in all companies, especially before bishops and lords and members of parliament, his resolutions for vengeance and the several manners by which he will put it in execution.

[Footnote 1: The Rev. Mr. Worrall's. [T.S.]]

"It is only to the advice of some judicious friends that your grace owes the trouble of this letter; for though I may be dispirited enough by sickness and years, yet I have little reason to apprehend any danger from that man; and those who seem to have most regard for my safety are no more apprehensive than myself, especially such as best know his character; for his very enemies and even his ridiculers, who are of the two by far the greater number, allow him to be a peaceable man in all things except his words, his rhetorical actions, his looks, and his hatred to the clergy; which however are all known by abundance of experience to be perfectly harmless, and particularly as to the clergy. I do not doubt but, if he will be so good to continue steadfast in his principles and practices, he may at proper junctures contribute very much to the honour and interests of that reverend body, as well as employ and improve the wit of many young gentlemen in the city, the university, and the rest of the kingdom.

"What I have said to your grace is only meant as a poor endeavour to preserve myself in your good opinion and in the continuance of your favour. I am, with the highest respect, etc."

"JONATHAN SWIFT."



APPENDIX IV.

A TRUE AND FAITHFUL NARRATIVE OF WHAT PASSED IN LONDON, DURING THE GENERAL CONSTERNATION OF ALL RANKS AND DEGREES OF MANKIND;

ON TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, AND FRIDAY LAST.



NOTE.

WILLIAM WHISTON (1667-1752), born at Norton, Leicestershire, was educated at Tamworth School and Clare College, Cambridge. He resigned the living at Lowestoft, presented to him by his patron and friend, Bishop Moore, of Norwich, on accepting the Professorship of Mathematics, vacated by Sir Isaac Newton. He was a profound scholar and mathematician, but obtained a somewhat harassing fame by his propagation of Arianism. Indeed, his public lectures and sermons, as well as his publications vindicating his attitude, forced the authorities to deprive him of his lectureship, and expel him from the university. In 1717 Whiston founded a Society for Promoting Primitive Christianity, and its meetings were held at his house in Cross Street, Hatton Garden. But the society lived only for two years. In that curious medley, "Memoirs of the Life of Mr. William Whiston, by himself," we are told that he had a model made of the original Tabernacle of Moses from his own plans, and toured the country giving lectures on the coming of the Messiah, the restoration of the Jews to their own country, and the rebuilding of the Temple according to the model. The Millennium he foretold would commence in 1766.

He wrote a prodigious number of tracts, pamphlets, commentaries, and biblical expositions in support of his particular view of Christianity; but the works for which he is now remembered are his astronomical and mechanical papers and his well-known translation of Josephus's "History of the Jews."

The pamphlet which follows is written in ridicule of Whiston's prophetic pronouncements. Scott ascribes its authorship to Swift; but the "Miscellanies" of 1747 and Hawkesworth in the edition of 1766 of Swift's Works place it in the list of "Contents," with other pieces, under the heading, "By Mr. Pope and Mr. Gay."

The present text is practically that given by Scott, which is based on that in the third edition of the "Miscellanies" of 1732.

[T.S.]

A TRUE AND FAITHFUL NARRATIVE

OF

What passed in London, during the General Consternation of all Ranks and Degrees of Mankind;

ON TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, and FRIDAY last.

On Tuesday the 13th of October, Mr. Whiston held his lecture, near the Royal Exchange, to an audience of fourteen worthy citizens, his subscribers and constant hearers. Besides these, there were five chance auditors for that night only, who had paid their shillings a-piece. I think myself obliged to be very particular in this relation, lest my veracity should be suspected; which makes me appeal to the men who were present; of which number I myself was one. Their names are,

Henry Watson, Haberdasher. George Hancock, Druggist. John Lewis, Dry-Salter. William Jones, Corn-Chandler. Henry Theobald, Watchmaker. James Peters, Draper. Thomas Floyer, Silver-Smith. John Wells, Brewer. Samuel Greg, Soap-Boiler. William Cooley, Fish-monger. James Harper, Hosier. Robert Tucker, Stationer. George Ford, Iron-monger. Daniel Lynch, Apothecary.

William Bennet, } David Somers, } Charles Lock, } Apprentices. Leonard Daval, } Henry Croft, }

Mr. Whiston began by acquainting us, that (contrary to his advertisement) he thought himself in duty and conscience obliged to change the subject matter of his intended discourse. Here he paused, and seemed, for a short space, as it were, lost in devotion and mental prayer; after which, with great earnestness and vehemence, he spake as follows:

"Friends and fellow-citizens, all speculative science is at an end: the period of all things is at hand; on Friday next this world shall be no more. Put not your confidence in me, brethren; for to-morrow morning, five minutes after five, the truth will be evident; in that instant the comet shall appear, of which I have heretofore warned you. As ye have heard, believe. Go hence, and prepare your wives, your families, and friends, for the universal change."

At this solemn and dreadful prediction, the whole society appeared in the utmost astonishment: but it would be unjust not to remember, that Mr. Whiston himself was in so calm a temper, as to return a shilling a-piece to the youths, who had been disappointed of their lecture, which I thought, from a man of his integrity, a convincing proof of his own faith in the prediction.

As we thought it a duty in charity to warn all men, in two or three hours the news had spread through the city. At first, indeed, our report met with but little credit; it being, by our greatest dealers in stocks, thought only a court artifice to sink them, that some choice favourites might purchase at a lower rate; for the South Sea, that very evening, fell five per cent., the India, eleven, and all the other funds in proportion. But, at the Court end of the town, our attestations were entirely disbelieved, or turned into ridicule; yet nevertheless the news spread everywhere, and was the subject matter of all conversation.

That very night, (as I was credibly informed) Mr. Whiston was sent for to a great lady, who is very curious in the learned sciences, and addicted to all the speculative doubts of the most able philosophers; but he was not now to be found; and since, at other times, he has been known not to decline that honour, I make no doubt he concealed himself to attend the great business of his soul: but whether it was the lady's faith, or inquisitiveness, that occasioned her to send, is a point I shall not presume to determine. As for his being sent for to the secretary's office by a messenger, it is now known to be a matter notoriously false, and indeed at first it had little credit with me, that so zealous and honest a man should be ordered into custody, as a seditious preacher, who is known to be so well-affected to the present happy establishment.

'Twas now I reflected, with exceeding trouble and sorrow, that I had disused family prayers for above five years, and (though it has been a custom of late entirely neglected by men of any business or station) I determined within myself no longer to omit so reasonable and religious a duty. I acquainted my wife with my intentions: But two or three neighbours having been engaged to sup with us that night, and many hours being unwarily spent at cards, I was prevailed upon by her to put it off till the next day; she reasoning, that it would be time enough to take off the servants from their business (which this practice must infallibly occasion for an hour or two every day) after the comet had made its appearance.

Zachery Bowen, a Quaker, and my next neighbour, had no sooner heard of the prophecy, but he made me a visit. I informed him of everything I had heard, but found him quite obstinate in his unbelief; for, said he, be comforted, friend, thy tidings are impossibilities; for, were these things to happen, they must have been foreseen by some of our brethren. This indeed (as in all other spiritual cases with this set of people) was his only reason against believing me; and, as he was fully persuaded that the prediction was erroneous, he in a very neighbourly manner admonished me against selling my stock at the present low price, which, he said, beyond dispute, must have a rise before Monday, when this unreasonable consternation should be over.

But on Wednesday morning (I believe to the exact calculation of Mr. Whiston) the comet appeared; for, at three minutes after five by my own watch, I saw it. He indeed foretold, that it would be seen at five minutes after five; but, as the best watches may be a minute or two too slow, I am apt to think his calculation just to a minute.

In less than a quarter of an hour, all Cheapside was crowded with a vast concourse of people, and notwithstanding it was so early, it is thought that, through all that part of the town, there was not man, woman, or child, except the sick or infirm, left in their beds. From my own balcony, I am confident, I saw several thousands in the street, and counted at least seventeen, who were upon their knees, and seemed in actual devotion. Eleven of them, indeed, appeared to be old women of about fourscore; the six others were men in advanced life, but (as I could guess) two of them might be under seventy.

It is highly probable, that an event of this nature may be passed over by the greater historians of our times, as conducing very little or nothing to the unravelling and laying open the deep schemes of politicians, and mysteries of state; for which reason, I thought it might not be unacceptable to record the facts, which, in the space of three days, came to my knowledge, either as an eye-witness, or from unquestionable authorities; nor can I think this narrative will be entirely without its use, as it may enable us to form a more just idea of our countrymen in general, particularly in regard to their faith, religion, morals, and politics.

Before Wednesday noon, the belief was universal, that the day of judgment was at hand, insomuch, that a waterman of my acquaintance told me, he counted no less than one hundred and twenty-three clergymen, who had been ferried over to Lambeth before twelve o'clock: these, it is said, went thither to petition, that a short prayer might be penned, and ordered, there being none in the service upon that occasion. But, as in things of this nature, it is necessary that the council be consulted, their request was not immediately complied with; and this I affirm to be the true and only reason, that the churches were not that morning so well attended, and is in noways to be imputed to the fears and consternation of the clergy, with which the freethinkers have since very unjustly reproached them.

My wife and I went to church, (where we had not been for many years on a week-day,) and, with a very large congregation, were disappointed of the service. But (what will be scarce credible) by the carelessness of a 'prentice, in our absence, we had a piece of fine cambric carried off by a shop-lifter: so little impression was yet made on the minds of those wicked women!

I cannot omit the care of a particular director of the Bank; I hope the worthy and wealthy knight will forgive me, that I endeavour to do him justice; for it was unquestionably owing to Sir Gilbert Heathcote's[1] sagacity, that all the fire-offices were required to have a particular eye upon the Bank of England. Let it be recorded to his praise, that in the general hurry, this struck him as his nearest and tenderest concern; but the next day in the evening, after having taken due care of all his books, bills, and bonds, I was informed, his mind was wholly turned upon spiritual matters; yet, ever and anon, he could not help expressing his resentment against the Tories and Jacobites, to whom he imputed that sudden run upon the Bank, which happened on this occasion.

[Footnote 1: Sir Gilbert Heathcote had before signalized his care for the Bank when in equal danger, by petitioning against the Lord-Treasurer Godolphin's being removed, as a measure that would destroy the public credit. Ḥ]

A great man (whom at this time it may not be prudent to name) employed all the Wednesday morning to make up such an account, as might appear fair, in case he should be called upon to produce it on the Friday; but was forced to desist, after having for several hours together attempted it, not being able to bring himself to a resolution to trust the many hundred articles of his secret transactions upon paper.

Another seemed to be very melancholy, which his flatterers imputed to his dread of losing his power in a day or two; but I rather take it, that his chief concern was the terror of being tried in a court, that could not be influenced, and where a majority of voices could avail him nothing. It was observed, too, that he had but few visitors that day.

This added so much to his mortification, that he read through the first chapter of the book of Job, and wept over it bitterly; in short, he seemed a true penitent in everything but in charity to his neighbour. No business was that day done in his counting-house. It is said too, that he was advised to restitution, but I never heard that he complied with it, any farther than in giving half-a-crown a-piece to several crazed and starving creditors, who attended in the outward room.

Three of the maids of honour sent to countermand their birth-day clothes; two of them burnt all their collections of novels and romances, and sent to a bookseller's in Pall-Mall to buy each of them a Bible, and Taylor's "Holy Living and Dying." But I must do all of them the justice to acknowledge, that they shewed a very decent behaviour in the drawing-room, and restrained themselves from those innocent freedoms, and little levities, so commonly incident to young ladies of their profession. So many birth-day suits were countermanded the next day, that most of the tailors and mantua makers discharged all their journeymen and women. A grave elderly lady of great erudition and modesty, who visits these young ladies, seemed to be extremely shocked by the apprehensions, that she was to appear naked before the whole world; and no less so, that all mankind was to appear naked before her; which might so much divert her thoughts, as to incapacitate her to give ready and apt answers to the interrogatories that might be made her. The maids of honour, who had both modesty and curiosity, could not imagine the sight so disagreeable as was represented; nay, one of them went so far as to say, she perfectly longed to see it; for it could not be so indecent, when everybody was to be alike; and they had a day or two to prepare themselves to be seen in that condition. Upon this reflection, each of them ordered a bathing-tub to be got ready that evening, and a looking-glass to be set by it. So much are these young ladies, both by nature and custom, addicted to cleanly appearance.