"Thus we learn the character of God. Thus we learn his dealings with his people. They are not called to earthly comfort and prosperity. They ever have been, and still are a suffering people; they are all sinners—sin brings suffering, and God overrules suffering, so as to make it profitable to them. Though redeemed by the life and death of Christ, being justified by faith, they have peace with God; yet the Lord has not pleased all at once to qualify them for the purchased possession. They receive a new birth, new life, and are called to work out their own salvation with fear and trembling, with this consolation, that God worketh in them both to will and to do of his good pleasure. This is not their home, here they have no continuing city; they are travelling through the wilderness, to the city and mansions purchased and prepared for them by their Saviour, and must be made holy before they can enter in. They have many corruptions to be mortified, and many errors in their estimation of men and things to be corrected. Their hearts require to be made spiritual, humble, tender, resigned, and loving. 'Who fed thee in the wilderness with manna—that he might humble thee, and that he might prove thee, to do thee good at thy latter end.'

"Besides, all suffering is not the immediate punishment of sin in the individual sufferer, nor for his exclusive profit; it is evident from Scripture, there is suffering for the benefit of the body of Christ, his church, of which, I think, all have some share. God has wise ends to answer by all the suffering of his creatures, and especially of the members of his body. The apostles rejoiced in this, and so ought we. 'If we suffer with him, we shall also reign with him.' Paul says, 'I fill up in my flesh that which is behind of the sufferings of Christ, for his body's sake, which is the church.'

"Now, my dear friend, look at your real situation, as a suffering member of a suffering body. Take a view of the saints of God in history, sacred or profane, and compare your own individual suffering with theirs: I am apt to think that, great as it is, it will not rise to mediocrity. I could expatiate on this subject, from what comes every day within my own knowledge. The Lord is working in this way all around me; but of that another time. In your own case, try for a moment to shut out of view every thing without your own family, what you once were, what you once possessed and enjoyed; also what your friends possess and enjoy at this present time; detach yourself from all. What was yours is gone; what you calculated upon is also gone; set all aside, and consider yourself a sinner saved from destruction by grace; in a state of purgation and preparation for happiness; on a pilgrimage with thousands of others your fellow-saved sinners, through the wilderness, to that inheritance which was purchased for you at such a price. Your Saviour is your leader, protector, provider; also your physician, and the physician of the whole body, perfectly acquainted with the constitution, disposition, and temper of every individual. He has made provision for each, all the journey through, and given security that none shall suffer real want.

"Bread and water are promised; nothing beyond these, though in general he gives more; to each he gives a portion in hand, to some for a day, some for a week, some for a year, which they calculate upon with more or less probability: none with certainty. Your portion is—for a year; take a view of those whom you know; one with another, I am inclined to think the Lord has still given you your full share of privilege. Look at the ordinary provision he makes for the ministers of his gospel, most of them with large families; many of those in the country have five hundred dollars, some four hundred, some three hundred, generally ill paid. The Lord puts a blessing in it, he makes it go far; they do what their hands find to do, and get along: so will he do with you, my dear. He will put you upon methods of industry and economy: your one chicken divided into six parts, with a little bit of pork, with the fruit of God's blessing on your industry in the garden, shall both taste sweet and satisfy for the time. Try to be thankful; Moses said of the manna, 'This is the bread which the Lord your God giveth you.' Pray and watch against dwelling on the plentiful tables of others; and when bidden to a feast take your portion, and say, this is from the Lord for the time. Do not let a thought of misery or wretchedness dwell upon your mind. O no, God is good; you shall not want. O, what sweet meals have I and my children made on hot potatoes, nicely boiled and cracked, with salt—not merely content, but they tasted good and savory. There are peculiar pleasures in a life of that kind. You shall yet sing of it.

"Now, my dear friend, I have done with what I had to say on this head. I have had great fears of wounding, lest you should reckon me among Job's friends; but you call me mother, and it is required of a mother to be faithful. I now leave it with the Lord. We are delighted to find you girding up the loins of your mind and setting about active duty. Let us meet at a throne of grace, and look to the course the Lord marks out for us."

To Mrs. G—— Y——.

"MY DEAR MADAM—I have just parted with my dear afflicted friend Mrs. C——; she left it in charge to me, that I should write to you in the time of your affliction. Surely I would do any thing whatever that I thought might alleviate either her or your distress. But there are cases to which God alone can speak; afflictions which he alone can console. Such are those under which the sufferer is commanded to be 'still and know that he is God.' He never leaves his people in any case, but sometimes shuts them up from human aid. Their grief is too great to be consoled by human tongue or pen.

"Such I have experienced. I lost my only son; I neither know when nor where; and for any thing I know, in a state of rebellion against God. Here at my heart it lies still; who can speak to me of it? neither can I reason upon it. Aaron held his peace. Old Eli said, 'It is the Lord; let him do what seemeth him good.' Samuel in his turn had his heart wrung by his ungodly son. David lamented over his beloved Absalom; but it availed him nothing. Job's sons and daughters were all cut off in one day; he himself lay in deep, sore bodily affliction; his friends sat seven days and seven nights without opening their mouths, because they saw his affliction was very great; and if they spoke, it was to aggregate it; and when God himself spoke, he gave him no reason for his dealings, but charged him with folly and madness. 'Shall he that contendeth with the Almighty instruct him? He that reproveth God, let him answer it.' Then he laid his hand on his mouth, confessed himself vile, and became dumb before God; abhorring himself, and repenting in dust and ashes, instead of the splendid catalogue of virtues enumerated in chapter 29, and complaints in chapter 10, which I make not the least doubt were true, as far as human virtue can reach; but if God charge even his angels with folly, shall man, corrupt, self-destroyed man, plead merit before God?

"But, my dear friend, I do not find in all God's Bible any thing requiring us to acquiesce in the final destruction of any, for whom we have prayed, pleaded, and committed to him; least of all, our offspring whom he has commanded us to train up for him. Children are God's heritage. I do not say he has given us any promise for the obstinately wicked; but when cut off, he only requires us to be still, to hold our peace. I do not think he takes hope from us. God has set limits to our faith for others; our faith must not rest in opposition to his threatenings. We must believe that the wicked shall be turned into hell, and all that forget God; but he hath set no bounds to his own mercy; in that glorious plan of redemption, by which he substitutes his own Son in the stead of sinners, he has made provision for the chief of sinners, and can now be just and consistent while he justifies the ungodly who believe in Jesus. Short was the time between the thief's petition and the promise of salvation; nay, the petition was the earnest of it. The same was the case with the jailer; I think, too, the publican had the earnest in his petition. Now, instead of laboring to bring my mind to acquiesce in the condemnation of my child, on the supposition of its being for God's glory, I try to be still, as he has commanded: not to follow my child to the yet invisible world; but turning my eyes to that character which God has revealed of himself—to the plan of redemption—to the sovereignty of God in the execution of that plan—to his names of grace, 'The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, forgiving iniquity, and transgression, and sin,' while he adds, 'and that will by no means clear the guilty;' I meet it with his own declaration, 'He hath made Him to be sin for us who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.' I read also that 'mercy rejoiceth against judgment,' and many other like scriptures, which, although I dare not ground a belief of his salvation on them, afford one ray of hope after another, that God may have made him a monument of mercy to the glory of his grace.

"Thus God himself consoles his own praying people, while man ought to be very cautious, if not silent, where the Scriptures are silent, as it respects the final state of another, whose heart we cannot know, nor what God may have wrought in it. God hath set bounds to our faith, which can nowhere find solid ground to fix upon but in his own written promise. Yet, as I said above, he has set no bounds to his own mercy, and he has made provision for its boundless flow, as far as he shall please to extend it, through the atonement and merits of his own Son, 'who is able to save to the uttermost all who come unto God by him,' Now, my dear friend, you have my ideas of our situation; if they be correct, I pray that our compassionate Father may comfort you by them; if otherwise, may he pardon what is amiss, and lead you, my dear friend C——, and myself, to such consolation as he himself will own as the work of his Spirit, and save us from the enemy and our own spirit.

"Since writing the foregoing, I feel afraid of what I have said; it is dangerous seeking comfort where the Scriptures are silent; yet while we plead with God to be preserved from error, and try to be still before him, he will save us from the subtlety of the serpent, as well as from the rage of the lion. I am, with love,

"Your sympathizing friend,

"ISABELLA GRAHAM."

"ROCKAWAY, September 10, 1811.

"I have been here four Sabbaths. The first I spent at home, the weather not permitting our going abroad; the second I spent at a prayer-meeting with the Methodist brethren; the third we rode to Hempstead, where I heard two plain gospel sermons from Mr. C——, Presbyterian minister; and the last I attended at the Episcopal church, same place; heard a good plain gospel sermon from Mr. H——, and witnessed the dispensation of the Lord's supper.

"To sing the praises of our redeeming God, and to lift up my heart in prayer with my fellow-sinners, in the comfortable hope that there are other living souls praising and praying with me, refreshes me: to hear the word of God read, and to be led to meditate upon it, however simple and common the exposition, also refreshes me. I am generally led to pray much for minister and people; to consider myself as one with them in Christ. However weak his natural powers, however few or small his talents, if I have reason to think that he is taught of God that which flesh and blood cannot teach, I desire to esteem him highly for his work's sake. I thank God for the meanest and weakest of such: I believe they never labor in vain. 'Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings,' in talents as well as in years, God will perfect praise.

"In this new world, thickly settled in many places with natural men 'eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage,' while the flood of wrath is hastening to overwhelm them, and none to warn them of their danger, nor point out the ark of safety; shall such men be reckoned of none account, and their labors of no value? No, the wealth of both Indies cannot balance their work; nor all the talents ever possessed by fallen man, with all the orthodoxy which mere talents are capable of acquiring, without that divine teaching which many of those, thus contemned, possess. That same small discourse, those few plain points, these same things repeated in the same way, contain truths by which sinners may be saved, by which sinners shall be saved.

"Suppose, for it is but a supposition, that these men have made a mistake. They are the Lord's, and in their place by his providence. He will be forth-coming for them, and without miracle. From him shall their fruit be found, and his power be manifested by their weakness. Exert your energies, ye gifted doctors of divinity; and may the Lord prosper the means used to produce a ministry which shall render attendance upon their ministrations the interest of both the understanding and the heart. Persuade men who are adding field to field, house to house, thousand to thousand, to provide a competent maintenance for them. If these last remain obstinate, and it be idle to hope that youths of talents without fortune, whatever be their piety, will serve the church of God at the expense of devoting themselves to infallible penury, and all the wretchedness which belongs to it—is it wise to weaken the hands and discourage the hearts of those ministers already settled pastors, or to furnish their people with arguments in their own vindication for leaving them in want and penury?"

In the year 1811, some gentlemen of New York established a Magdalen Society: they elected a board of ladies, requesting their aid to superintend the internal management of the Magdalen House. This board chose Mrs. Graham their presiding lady, which office she held until her decease; the duties attendant on it she discharged with fidelity and zeal. In 1812 the trustees of the Lancasterian school solicited the attendance of several pious ladies, to give catechetical instruction to their scholars one afternoon in every week: and Mrs. Graham was one of those who attended regularly to this duty.



CHAPTER XI.

DEVOTIONAL EXERCISES AND CORRESPONDENCE.

"FEBRUARY 8, 1812.

"'By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter; esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt; for he had respect unto the recompense of the reward: choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season.' Heb. 11:24.

"All that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution; the natural heart is enmity against God, and hates his image wherever found. If individual Christians have the favor of individual worldlings, it never is for their piety, that is rather borne with than loved; and too often Christians save themselves from reproach by unfaithfulness; that, alas, has been my sin and shame. In all my friendships with worldlings, some of which have been tender, how unfaithful have I been to friendship's highest office. How seldom have I endeavored to rescue my friend from sin and Satan, by leading her to the Friend of sinners, the source of happiness. Contenting my vile, selfish heart, with things pertaining to this life unconnected with that to come, leaving her under the influence of 'the lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life;' without eyes to see her danger, or friend to warn her of it; and while she communicated with me in things common to both, in all the good she knew, keeping back nothing from me of all she possessed; how often have I concealed my richest treasure, without inviting her to the participation. O, faithless friend! O, ungrateful, unfaithful—first to that gracious God who opened mine own eyes, arrested ray attention, stopped up my path, and turned me to the way of life; and next to my friend, whom I have left to pursue that same way of death, without attempting to lead her to this same sovereign, merciful, gracious Deliverer.

"And what withheld! Shame belongs to the heart governed by such motives; fear of contempt, reproach, or, at most, the loss of a carnal friendship. Of three such friends, now gone to their place, two continued their worldly course to the last, so far as I know; for the third the Lord provided a more faithful friend, who became worker together with the Spirit of God, led her to the Friend of sinners, who has compassion on the ignorant, and them that are out of the way, By Him she was received, and in Him she found life, light, and peace.

"She soon outran faithless me in the heavenly race; gently chid me for my remissness, but continued my friend and helper. Ever foremost in the race, humble and steady in faith, she looked not back, nor halted. She has long since finished her course, received her crown and reward of grace, and become fruit to the account of that friend who supplied what was wanting in me. I rejoice with them both, give glory to God, from whom their fruit was found, and take shame and confusion for my part.

"How many opportunities have I lost, and from the same sinful, shameful cause. O my Redeemer, what can I say to thee? Words are wanting to express my loathing of that vile, selfish cowardice.

"Didst Thou, who art the Creator of heaven and earth, the brightness of the glory of God, the express image of his person, and upholder of all things, suffer shame, contempt, anguish, death for my sake, that thou mightest redeem me from the second death, and purchase for me eternal life; and do I shrink and turn away from the least taste of thy cup, though the curse is extracted and a blessing infused!

"And after all this, art thou pacified towards me? I search in vain for words to express the amazing grace. 'As the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy towards them that fear him, and towards vile me, who can lay small claim to that character; yet, as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed my transgressions from him. Bless the Lord, ye his angels, who excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening to the voice of his word. Bless the Lord, all ye his hosts, ye ministers of his that do his pleasure; ye ministering spirits, sent forth to watch over and minister to them who shall be heirs of salvation."

"FEBRUARY, 1812.

"Dr. M——. 'Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world,' John 1:29.

"He dwelt chiefly on the substitution of the victim in the room of the transgressor. When a victim was offered for an individual, he was to lay his hand on the head of the animal, by the appointment of God, as a token of his faith that his sins should be transferred to the victim which suffered death in his stead, and that his sins were forgiven and his person accepted. If the victim was for the whole congregation, then the elders, as their representatives, were to lay their hands upon the head of the victim, signifying the same faith. Great was the subject of the plan of redemption: The Son of God clothed with our nature, given and set apart as a propitiatory sacrifice, the victim upon whom the sins of his elect were laid, and he sacrificed in their stead.

"The Lamb of God, which took away the sins not only of the Jewish transgressors, but the sins of the elect out of every nation, kindred, and tongue throughout the world—on this Lamb of God rests my own individual hope for pardon and for acceptance. I lay my own individual hand of faith on his dear head, confess my sin, and rely upon his sacrifice for pardon and acceptance, through the atonement made by himself, God's anointed Priest."

"SABBATH, April, 1812.

"Dr. Romeyn. 'Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.' 2 Timothy 3:12. Gone as usual; but it came home to my heart. I have not suffered persecution; and why? because my life has not testified sufficiently against a sinful world. Alas, alas! the world loves its own, and I have been so accommodating, to say the least, as not to disturb it. 'The carnal mind is enmity against God; is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be;' but the world saw little in me of that image which they hate, and enough of assimilation to balance that little. O my God, my long-suffering, sin-pardoning God, thou knowest my vile cowardice; with professors a professor of thy name, with worldlings a seeming worldling. And now the season is past, the opportunity lost; the time of life is arrived when the world itself expects to be abandoned. No line of conduct in me will now reprove them; they account it wise to look out for a better portion, when the world can no longer be enjoyed; and through the deceitfulness of their own hearts, and the suggestions of the ever-vigilant enemy of souls, may be hardened in sin, by hoping to become religious in old age. O, let thy grace prevent it.

"The sinfulness, and O, the ingratitude of my past life rise in magnitude every review I take of it. And what can I say? Father, forgive. Yes, I dare say, Father, forgive. I dare say more, Thou hast forgiven. This grief of heart proves that thou hast not sealed me up in impenitence. Thou rememberest thy covenant with me in the days of my youth, when thou didst draw me with the cords of love and the bands of a man; and though no language can express my baseness and my ingratitude, through all my backsliding life, thy covenant stands fast.

"'I remember, and am confounded, and will never open my mouth any more because of my shame, now that thou art pacified towards me for all that I have done. And I know that thou art the Lord.

Contrition dwell within this breast, That God within this heart may rest: Shame and confusion flush this face, And magnify this glorious grace. Grace be my theme while I have breath, And on my quivering lips in death. Angels and fellow-sinners, say, Will you not join me in this lay, Now, and through heaven's eternal day?

"Blessed Comforter, thou seest old age upon me, loss of memory, and a desultory mind; I cannot retain even the substance of my dear pastor's sermons. I thank thee for the food and refreshment at the time, and often after for refreshing meditations on the same subjects. I commit all to thee; keep them for me, and feed me with these truths as thou seest I need. O be to me memory, judgment, presence of mind, for order, regularity, and natural powers are gone. I rejoice in my dear Saviour, who of God is made unto me wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption. He shall perfect that which concerneth me, and finish the work he has begun. Therefore I say, All is well."

"COMMUNION SABBATH, May 17, 1812.

"Was much melted under a sense of indwelling sin, and the deceitfulness of the human heart, and of my own heart in particular. I have been. I think, much in the exercise of contrition for the sins of my past life, and exercised in watching over my words, thoughts, and actions; now that the Lord has delivered me from all necessity to care, having every thing provided for me necessary to life and godliness: pleasant food and clothing both for body and mind; my dear room, retirement, fire, candle, attendance; my precious Bible, and precious, lively, spiritual ordinances; a faithful and beloved pastor, who feeds me with truth: I taste it, and I am fed. I am, as the Lord God merciful and gracious has awarded, under the constant influence of shame and confusion for my highly aggravated transgressions: but I also enjoy the full sense of pardon; being justified by faith, I have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ; and knowing that I have a 'great high-priest that is passed into, the heavens, Jesus the Son of God,' I am enabled to hold fast my profession, comforted by this, that I have not a high-priest who cannot be touched with the feeling of my infirmities, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. I dare come, not very boldly, for I am under much depression, to the throne of grace, that I may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Every time is a time of need with me, for sin still dwelleth in me. I have peace with God through my dear Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, but am at constant war with myself. I plead thy promise, that thou wilt subdue my iniquities, that sin shall not have dominion over me. And now, Captain of salvation, I renew the fight, but it is depending upon thee to fight for me, with me, and in me. I will set myself to watch, but I shall watch in vain, if thou keep not the avenues of my heart, and the door of my lips. O, clothe me with thy meek and lowly spirit."

"SABBATH, July 26, 1812.

"Tired of the bustle of Rockaway, and having some subordinate motives for returning home for a time, I embraced this season in particular; having, in the compass of one week, Sabbath, Wednesday my birthday, and the day set apart both by the General Assembly of our church and the Governor of our state, for fasting, prayer, and humiliation, besides lectures on the same evening. I returned therefore on Friday, the 24th.

"Dr. R—— preached from Psalm 27:1,'The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?'

"O my God, my merciful and gracious God, what can I say of thy amazing, distinguishing mercy to me? Delivered from all these fears, and able to adopt the text fully, I know of none who have more or greater cause of fear as sinners. My transgressions have been of crimson and scarlet hue. O my God, thou knowest them, words cannot paint them. My Saviour, thou knowest them, for thou baredst them; every jot and tittle was put to thy account, and thou didst cancel all. O that garden, that cry on the cross! the effects were seen on thy sacred body, but who can conceive the mysterious horror which agonized thy sacred soul? But thou saidst, It is finished, and finished it is. Lamb of God, which takest away the sins of the world, on thy consecrated head I lay the hand of faith, confess my sins, pray for forgiveness, and believe that I am forgiven.

"July 29th, my birthday, and the last day of the threescore years and ten of my sinful life. What an, exhibition will that day produce, when the secrets of all hearts will be laid open, all my actions and all the springs of them. In all the myriads which shall appear at the bar of God, will there be such a sinner—taking into view the early grace manifested?

"Born, I think, about the seventeenth year of my natural life; previously instructed in the doctrines and precepts of the Scriptures, as far as the natural mind can conceive, by pious parents and a faithful pastor; with milk provided for my spiritual infancy, and richer food set before me for my growth; the leaves of the new covenant were opened to my view, and the fulness treasured in Christ for my supply, to be asked, to be delighted in; and delighted I was, and satisfied. But Oh, I forsook the fountain of living waters, and hewed out broken cisterns, that could hold no water. Where can language be found to depict my ingratitude, my madness, my folly; and where to describe the long-suffering, the compassionate remonstrances, the kindly, fatherly chastisements, the repeated pardons and restorations of my gracious God in days of youth—aggravating my renewed backslidings, bringing upon my sinful soul vengeance for my inventions? What were the sins of Israel and Judah to mine? Mine were committed after the great atonement was made; the adorable High-priest, Jesus, had with his own blood entered within the veil, and was set on the right hand of the throne of the Majesty of the heavens: the minister of the sanctuary, and of the true tabernacle, which the Lord pitched, and not man. The new covenant was exhibited, established on better promises, himself the Mediator. The new and living way was consecrated to the holiest of all by the blood of Jesus; a throne of grace was established, Jesus himself our Advocate and Intercessor. We are now privileged to come boldly to a throne of grace, that we may find grace to help in the time of need. O how aggravated my sin above theirs, having such great and precious privileges and promises, and a High-priest who can be touched with the feeling of our infirmities, who was in all points tempted as we are; who owns us as his brethren and sisters, yea, the very members of his body, and his Spirit dwelleth in us.

"I set apart the day for fasting and deep humiliation; took another survey of my past sinful life; confessed particulars on my knees, and made a fresh application to the blood of sprinkling which cleanseth from all sin; took a fresh hold of his new covenant of promise. 'This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws in their hearts, and in their minds will I write them, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.' Lord, do as thou hast said. I rest my immortal soul on thy promise."

"JULY 30, 1812.

"The day set apart by the General Assembly and State Legislature for fasting and humiliation, confession of sin and prayer.

"Our pastor read the second chapter of Jeremiah, a great portion of which belongs to my own character as an individual; and is laid up as part of that provision which is to support me through the last stage in the wilderness, and through Jordan, over which I must shortly pass; laid in as a proof of the amazing long-suffering of God, and his readiness to forgive even the vile backslider in heart and life, as proclaimed in chapter three."

"SABBATH, NOV. 22."

"'Turn ye to the strong-hold, ye prisoners of hope.' Zech. 9:12. My Jesus—my hope, my stronghold, my safety, my Saviour, my portion, my life, my happiness—yes, my happiness, for safe I am and happy, though sometimes in heaviness, for yet sin dwelleth in me, and in others dear as my own soul; and though I know it is pardoned, and provision made for pardon to the end, yet, O it is bitter, and bitter let it be. I would not have it otherwise. Heal my depravity, O God; take sin out of this heart; O fill it with love to thee, and to all my fellow-sinners. My dear High-priest, it can be but a little further to Jordan. My seventy years are run. Does not the ark of the covenant appear, going before me? am I not called to decamp and follow after? O my blessed, blessed High-priest, keep my eye fixed on thy person, and let me the little further follow thee step by step, foot after foot, without losing one mark all the way to Jordan; and there let me see thee. Blessed ark of the covenant, roll back the waters of terror, stand firm in Jordan, and bid me come unto thee, and set up the stones of memorial in a song of praise in the midst of Jordan.

"O then thy glory let me see, Then cause thy face to shine on me, And tune my heart, and tune my voice, And language furnish to rejoice, That all around may lend their tongue, And sweetly join my dying song."

"SABBATH, December 8, 1812.

"'Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shalt stretch forth thy hand against mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me.' 'The Lord will perfect that which concerns me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.' Psalm 138:7, 8.

"I will no longer mourn over loss of memory; I think the Lord has more than made it up to me by his sensible presence while hearing and applying the sermon to my heart at the time; not only so, he enlightens my understanding; it opens more to the elucidations of my pastor; and though I forget the words and the order of his discourses, I am instructed in the knowledge of the subject and the Scriptures in general. Shall I deny the grace of God through fear or pride? I see it not to be my duty. Can I attribute any thing to myself? No; shame and confusion of face belong to me, for my carelessness and idleness in the use of means during health and strength of body and mind. Never has God dealt with me as I sinned, but according to his own mercy, and in a way of great sovereignty. Let me record his great goodness, his tender mercies, and bless his name.

"Old age is upon me, and some of its infirmities; my memory is much impaired, and my mind in temporal things and subjects becomes very desultory. Not so in spirituals: I think I not only hear and read with more intense attention and prompt application, but my mind is more disposed to meditation; and though I cannot remember much of the sermons I hear, yet my mind is often furnished with happy and profitable thoughts on the same subjects; and I find myself instructed without remembering the instructions. This is evidently from the Lord. It appears to me also that I have not lost the sensibility of youth. I often shed tears, not only of compunction, but of gratitude. I seldom commune without tears. I think much of death; am solemnized, but not afraid.

"As far as I know, my confidence rests upon a surety-righteousness, exclusive of every thing in myself. I am not conscious of self-righteousness; I have no complacency in any thing ever done by me. I not only believe that in all things I come short, and that sin is mixed in all I do, because God hath said so, but am sensible of the particular depravity. It is my sincere desire to be stript of every thing that is mine—sins and duties laid in one heap—and to be clothed in the surety-righteousness of my Redeemer; all that is mine put to his account, and all that he did and suffered, as the Mediator and surety of the covenant, to mine.

"I am afflicted with rheumatism, but God gives me patience, disposes me to enumerate my many remaining mercies—eyes to read his word and ears to hear it preached; hitherto such moderation of pain as very often to be able to attend with fixedness. I have my room at my own command, candle, fire, and attendance; and O, bless the Lord, my soul, much of his sensible presence. In the night when my aches prevent me from sleeping, he gives me some sweet hymn; I sing, my pain is diverted, while my heart is melted and warmed under the expressions, and I often drop asleep with the words on my tongue.

"I am convinced that the provision I have laid in for my last journey in the wilderness and through Jordan, is selected by the influence of the Holy Ghost. He takes of the things of Christ and shows them unto me; and while he keeps upon my mind my meanness, my vileness, wrings my heart with the retrospect of my backslidings and highly aggravated transgressions, he opens at the same time the leaves of the New Testament and shows me my deliverance from punishment, the redemption of my soul, and my translation into the kingdom of God's dear Son: I weep and rejoice; I loathe myself, and clasping my Saviour to my heart, am at a loss for words to express how precious he is to my saved soul.

"Jesus, I love thy charming name, 'Tis music to my ear; Fain would I sound it out so loud That heaven and earth should hear.

Yes, thou art precious to my soul, My transport and my trust, My Saviour, Shepherd, Husband, Friend, No other good I boast.

All my capacious powers can wish, In thee doth richly meet; Not to mine eyes is light so dear. Nor friendship's self so sweet.

Thy grace shall dwell upon my heart And shed its fragrance there, The noblest balm of all my wounds, And cordial of my care.

I'll speak the honors of thy name While I have life and breath; Then, speechless, clasp thee in my arms, The antidote of death.'

"Dr. M—— preached in the evening from Eph. 3:30: 'For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.' It was a rich sermon; I enjoyed it at the time, but cannot recall it. Blessed Spirit, keep it for me, and feed me with the substance of it, as I stand in need.

"Accept of my thanks, blessed Jesus; that through thy meritorious life and death, I have an interest in the great whole. Accept of my thanks, blessed Spirit, for thus taking the things of Christ and showing them unto me. And accept of my thanks, Father of mercies, for the gift of thy Son, and all these blessings in him.

"'Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places, in Christ Jesus.' Amen."

"GREENWICH, Sabbath.

"Heard Dr. Milledoler preach in the state prison to the convicts, from Luke 19:10: 'For the Son of man is come to seek and save that which was lost.' He addressed them as fellow-sinners, all being by nature lost and dependent on the same means for recovery.

"True, my heart accords. O Lord, thou knowest I stand in my own estimation a sinner, the chief of sinners. These have added to their sin against thee, breach against men, and are suffering the penalty.

"My sins have been chiefly, though far from exclusively, against God, and with many aggravations. That I was born in a Christian land, of pious parents, who gave me religious instructions; brought up under faithful, lively ministers, and in religious society; exposed to few temptations but what arose from the corruptions of my own heart, are aggravations, which, perhaps, many are mourning over, as heightening the sin of unbelief in their unregenerated state. But the aggravations—the painful remembrance of which mars my comfort and covers me with shame and confusion even now, though I know that God is pacified with me—are as far above these as the heavens are above the earth. For in that Christian land, under those Christian parents and faithful pastors, while yet young and tender, I was enlightened, tasted of the heavenly gift, was made a partaker of the Holy Ghost, tasted of the good word of God and the power of the world to come. I was taken from the fearful pit and miry clay; my feet set upon the rock, and a new song put into my mouth, even to the amount of, O death, where is thy sting?—of redeeming love, pardoning grace, new covenant mercy, I had 'joy and peace in believing,' But forgetting my natural character, the extreme volatility of my spirits, my taste for gayety; forgetting the danger of smothering the heavenly spark by indulging to the utmost bound of lawful pleasure; forgetting my continual need of fresh supplies of grace to preserve and feed that new life which could not live on earthly food; forgetting the deceitfulness of my heart, the injunctions of my Bible, I became cold, negligent in the use of means, distant in prayer, lost enjoyment, and my heart, naturally carnal and madly fond of pleasure, got entangled. 'The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye, and the pride of life' regained their power; other loves usurped the place of that Beloved who had bought me with his blood, and betrothed me to himself; 'that which came into my mind was, that I would be as the families of the countries, to serve wood and stone.' Blessed be his name, he said, 'It shall not be.' He brought me into the wilderness and pleaded with me, caused me to pass under the rod, brought me again into the bond of the covenant.

"O how often hast thou wrought with me, for thy name's sake. One self-willed step brought with it a train of consequences dangerous to spiritual life, filling even the path of duty with pits and snares, cutting me off from ordinances, pastor, parents, church, country, and Christian society; placing me at the same time in the midst of carnal delights; and every thing in my natural temper and dispositions was congenial to them. What saved me? What in heaven or earth could save me, but thy covenant? Truly thy covenant standeth fast; therefore I was not lost in the vortex. But 'the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin,' kept his eye upon me; many a time did he stop up my path. O from how many delusions of my own seeking; how many snares and nets of my own weaving; how many pits of my own digging, hast thou delivered me, when wandering, bewildered, on temptation's ground, in the cloudy dark day. How often hast thou sought me out; how often bound me up when broken, strengthened me when sick, and fed me with judgment, and very, very often, thou madest thyself known to me. I knew thy hand when it shook the rod, when it arrested me on some mad career. I knew thy hedge, thy bar; saw not only escapes, but my Deliverer: often paused, turned, and took fast hold of thy covenant. I had no afflictions in those days, but every pleasure lawful to be enjoyed, and natural to the heart of woman; but no pastor, no church, no Christian society; yet God was there, my Bible, my Doddridge, and other good books. And to my shame and confusion this day, he was not, in the midst of all my idolatry, a barren wilderness, nor a land of drought to me. I had many Sabbaths; literally the Sabbath was a sign between my covenant God and me: ill spent it often was, but not with company; it was spent in retirement. The Lord did not leave me so far as to give up the Sabbath to the world. Though my heart was incrusted, and spiritual life scarcely discernible, sometimes the Lord met me, and strange to tell, not with threatenings causing terror, but with compunction, melting, turning, and ere the day was over, manifestations of pardon, though not joy; for I was grieved at my ingratitude.

"I did expect affliction long before it came, and my presumptuous heart calculated upon the fruit being the peaceable fruit of righteousness, and to take away sin; but still I held my way, gadding about, drinking the waters of Sihor and the rivers of Syria, and eating the worldling's dainties. Oh, Oh, at last it came; yes, it came. Thou didst cut off the desire of my eyes with a stroke, and with that made the world a blank to me. But O the stately steps of thy providential mercy previous to that trying hour. O my God, I must ever wonder and stand amazed at thy exuberant grace. In consistence with thy covenant, thou mightest have struck me among these worldlings, in that dry and barren land, where not one tongue could speak the language of Canaan, nor bring forth from thy precious Bible the words of consolation to my wounded and bereaved spirit; richly had I merited this; but never, no, never hast thou dealt with me as I sinned. Through the whole of my life, from the time that the Lord called me out of darkness into his marvellous light—from the time that he first led me to the Saviour, and enabled me to take hold of his covenant, wanderer, backslider, transgressor, rebel, idolater, ingrate, and if there be any name more expressively vile and abominable, that is mine. And from the hour of my birth, through the whole of this refractory perverse life, 'the Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, abundant in goodness and truth, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin,' has been, and now is, thy name to me.

"No, ye strong-built walls, ye grated windows, ye gloomy cells, ye confine no such sinner as I. And did the Lord take vengeance on my inventions? O no, mercy preceded, mercy accompanied judgment; yea, it was all mercy, not vengeance. He brought me and my idol out of that barren land, placed us under the breath of prayer, among a dear little society of Methodists; he laid us upon their spirits, and when the messenger Death was sent for my beloved, the breath of prayer ascended from his bedside, from their little meeting, and I believe from their families and closets. The God of mercy prepared their hearts to pray, and his ear to hear, and the answer did not tarry. Behold, my husband prayeth; confesses sin; applies to the Saviour; pleads for forgiveness for his sake; receives comfort; blesses God for Jesus Christ, and dies with these words on his tongue, 'I hold fast by the Saviour,' Behold another wonder; the idolatress in an ecstasy of joy. She who never could realize a separation for one single minute during his life, now resigns her heart's treasure with praise and thanksgiving.

"O the joy of that hour; its savor remains on my heart to this moment. For five days and nights I had been little off my knees: it was my ordinary posture at his bedside, and in all that time I had but once requested life. Surely the spirit of prayer and supplication was poured out. The Spirit helped mine infirmities with groanings which could not be uttered, leading me to pray for that which God had determined to bestow; making intercession for my husband, according to the will of God.

"O sing unto the Lord a new song, for he hath done marvellous things. His right hand and his holy arm hath gotten him the victory. The Lord hath made known his salvation. His righteousness hath he openly shown in the sight of the heathen. He hath remembered his mercy and his truth toward the house of Israel. All the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God." Psalm 98.

"FRIDAY, December.

"Sermon from John 4:10: 'If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith, Give me to drink, thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water,'

"This is part of my provision laid in for my passage through Jordan. Christ is the gift of God. Christ is the water of life; he is this living water, and the bread of life given; given by God, received by the sinner. Life and comfort are experienced, and fruit produced is the evidence; but first of all, this gift must be known, and the soul's need must be known; Christ, the anointed prophet, taught this woman both, and no other could. 'Search me, O Lord, and try me.' Hast thou not taught my soul its miserable and ruined state by nature; its helplessness as well as misery? Hast thou not also brought me to this living, life-giving water? Oh, hast thou not given me faith to come, faith to drink; and have I not experienced its solacing quality? Has it not satisfied my soul, and in some degree allayed my thirst for carnal delights? Blessed Spirit, the gift of the Father and of the Son, pour into my soul repeated draughts of this living water; yea, be in me, according to my Redeemer's promise, a well of water springing up to eternal life, and cause me to bring forth fruit to the glory of the Father.

"'Other foundation can no man lay, than that which is laid, Christ Jesus.'

"Do I, O my God, seek for or desire any other foundation? Are not all my hopes for time and eternity built on this foundation? Is not Christ all my salvation and all my desire? Do I not embrace thy covenant just as it is, believing that thou givest unto me eternal life, and that this life is in thy Son, whom thou hast given 'to be a covenant of the people.' Iniquities prevail against me; but thou wilt not only purge them away, but wilt subdue them. Sin shall not have dominion over me, for I am not tinder the law, but under grace."

To Miss Walker, Edinburgh.

"NEW YORK, 1812.

"My dear Miss Walker, I think, is in my debt; but that is no reason why I may not inquire after her health and welfare, and through her, of that of her brother, sister, and other dear friends yet in their pilgrimage. My dear, dear Mrs. Walker lives in my affections, and surely what concerns her children can never be to me a matter of indifference. Your dear brother's persevering kindness and tried friendship have written gratitude in indelible characters on my heart. 'A friend in need is a friend indeed;' and such was he. I trust the Lord has rewarded and will reward him. I have still in my possession many dear remembrances of your worthy mother; her sensible, pious letters, some of which have proved prophetic, are among my treasures. What a lovely group presses upon my memory at this moment, united to Jesus and to one another on earth, and the union is now perfected in heaven. Your dear mother, Mrs. Brown, dear Mrs. Randall, and Lady Glenorchy, all zealous for the welfare of the widow and orphans, whose way lay peculiarly through Vanity Fair, and whose spirits were too much assimilated to the wares there exhibited, and most unworthy of all the care and pains they bestowed upon her. Tell my then dear pastor the pilgrim is not lost; he will find her in the 18th chapter of Ezekiel: he may remember that he and dear Doctor Erskine gave me over to the Lord when leaving Edinburgh. Well has he kept the charge, though I have not my part, after all the chastisements and charges received. But he is 'the Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin.'

"I am now a happy Mary, enjoying the full sense of pardon and the light of his countenance in the meantime, and the full prospect of being soon with him, made like him, and capacitated to praise him.

"I. GRAHAM."

"SABBATH, January 18.

"Dr. R——. 'By grace ye are saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.'

"All is of grace, all is free gift, or we wicked, wretched sinners, could have no interest in it. Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift of Jesus Christ, given for a covenant of the people. Thanks be unto God for the gift of faith, by which we apprehend this covenant, and become interested in him, as the salvation of our souls. Thanks be unto God for life to work; for new principles and new motives, new desires, new hopes, new fears, and, in some measure, new conduct. All of grace, and to the God of grace be all the glory.

"Afternoon. 'Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might; let not the rich man glory in his riches: but let him that glorieth, glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me; that I am the Lord which exercise righteousness, loving-kindness, and judgment in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the Lord.' Jer. 9:23.

"O Lord, hast thou not taught me by thy word, by observation, and by experience, that 'all flesh is grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass?' Alas, how much have I gloried in even more worthless and transient things; but thou hast put a worm in them, which I hope has cut the roots, and they are in a dying state. O let grace supplant them; let me now glory only in thee and thy blessed, gracious, and well-ordered covenant. Do I understand and know thee, that thou art the Lord which exerciseth righteousness, loving-kindness, and judgment in the earth? Dare I say that I, worm as I am, and a sinful worm, am the subject of this loving-kindness, through the righteousness of Christ? Yes, I dare, by the constitution of thine own covenant—the Covenant of the people, the Mediator, the guarantee of the covenant of grace, which is all summed up in him.

"When thou givest Christ, thou givest freely all the blessings of the new covenant.

"'And this is the record, That God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.'

"I believe the record, and do understand and know that thou art the Lord, etc."

"FEBRUARY 4, 1813.

"My dear grandchildren J. and I. B—— waited on their beloved pastor Dr. Romeyn, and professed their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ as the Saviour of sinners and their Saviour, their desire to give themselves to the Lord and to his church, and to be in all things governed by it; to receive the seal of the covenant of grace, commemorate the dying love of their Redeemer the next opportunity, and swear allegiance to him over the symbols of his body and blood.

"Glory to God for this fresh manifestation of his mercy and grace to sinners. Not unto us, O Lord God, but to thy name be the glory. Thou hast made a covenant with thy chosen, and with believers in him; and thou hast, by thy Holy Spirit, drawn them to take hold of this thy own covenant, and to give themselves to thee to be made the subjects of it. And now, O Lord, remember thy own covenant, and do as thou hast said: Put thy laws in their minds, and write them in their hearts, and be unto them a God, and they shall be unto thee a people; be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities remember no more. Give them understanding to know and believe thy laws, memories to retain them, hearts to love them, consciences to recognize them, courage to profess and power to put in practice. O, grant that the whole habit and frame of their souls may be a table and transcript of thy law. Blessed Redeemer, gather these lambs in thy arms and carry them in thy bosom. O, seal them with the Holy Spirit of promise. They look forward to that feast of love which thou didst institute in that same night in which thou wast betrayed into the hands of sinners. If it may please thee, manifest thyself to them as thou dost not unto the world. Blessed Shepherd, call these lambs by name; may they know thy voice, rejoice to hear it, and follow thee. In all the preparatory exercises speak to their hearts and commune with them in secret. O give them some love-tokens, which they may never forget; and make thyself known to them in the breaking of bread. Exercise their parents with thankfulness and gratitude, and thine aged servant, to whom, in an especial manner, belong 'shame and confusion of face,' while she stands amazed at the stately steps of thy free, sovereign mercy and grace to her, and to her children according to the flesh. Husband of the widow, Father of the fatherless, Shield of the stranger, glorify thy name, magnify thy grace: all these thou hast been to me; give these parents deep humility, if they have received grace to be more faithful than I; yet thy holy eye has seen much shortcoming in them also. Glory to thy name for the grace in which they stand, and that thou hast enabled them to train up these children for thee. Oh, let this be a heart-searching time with us all; humble us, and exalt thy name, and magnify thy grace.

"O Lord, my covenant God, all my desire is before thee; is it not that thou magnify thy grace in me and in my family? There are others, Lord, and the residue of the Spirit is with thee. Put forth thy power in the heart of I.G. S——, and compel him to come in. And Oh, my dear I. S—— and her family; thou biddest me open my mouth wide. Lord, see, there is much for thee to do. I praise thy name for what thou hast done, and lay me at thy feet waiting for further manifestations of thy mercy, thy sovereign mercy: I have no other plea.

"Work with us, for thy name's sake, and with J. M——, for whom my worthless prayers have been presented to thee, as also a member of this family. O Lord, he is now gone out into the world; he is no longer under the control of man; bring him under thy gracious control; call him into thy kingdom of grace, and make him a willing subject in the day of thy power. Father, glorify thy name."

"APRIL, Sabbath, 1813.

"'Wherefore, laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envyings, and all evil speaking, as new-born babes desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby.' 2 Peter, 2:1, 2.

"Blessed Spirit, thou hast convinced me of the indwelling of every one of these, and also of my helplessness of myself to make successful war against them. But Oh, hast thou not led me to the Captain of salvation for armor, for strength, for wisdom, for power; and is not my dependence for success on thy promise that sin shall not have dominion over me; that thy grace is sufficient for me; that as my day, so shall my strength be?"

"MAY 5.

"'Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ.' Rom. 5:1.

"Blessed, blessed, blessed doctrine; by no other doctrine can I be justified and saved. Christ the gift of God, and faith the gift of God. All, all is of grace.

"I have shut my door, desiring to commune with God, but feeling dull and lifeless, ask what shall I read? My Bible lies just at hand; where shall I read? every part is good. I open and find it marked: 'My prayer is unto thee, O Lord, in an acceptable time; O God, in the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.' Psalm 69:13. In an acceptable time—when? 'To-day if ye will hear his voice.' Nevertheless, I am continually with thee; thou holdest me by my right hand, and ever upholdest me, in the time of need especially.

"'In the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.' What is the truth of God's salvation? To be the property of Christ by purchase, to have Christ made our property by the Father's gift; to have the Holy Spirit sent into our hearts, to enlighten our understandings, to govern our wills, to regulate our affections and tempers, and to be in us 'a well of water springing up into everlasting life.' Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, ours by gift and by power; this. Oh, this contains all my asking for myself, for my children and children's children, for nay friends and all dear to me. Take us, O Lord, and in 'the truth of thy salvation' give thyself to us; do all the needful for us, and glorify thy name."

"SABBATH.

"'A certain man made a great supper, and bade many, and sent his servants at supper-time to say to them that were bidden, Come, for all things are ready. And they all, with one consent, began to make excuse.' Luke 14:16.

"Alas, such are our hearts, that we make idols even of the blessings and bounties of providence; no room is left for Christ, though without him every temporal good is under a curse, and our own persons also.

"O Lord, bless the gracious invitations given to perishing sinners this day; the pathetic and tender remonstrances of thy faithful servant. O, may many of the poor, the maimed, the halt, the blind, from the streets and lanes of the city, and may many from the highways and hedges, be compelled to come, that thy house may be filled. And Oh, my gracious Father, let these careless ones, who are my flesh and blood, be among the number. Hear, O hear the prayers offered this day for poor, self-deluded, self-destroying sinners; awaken them, O Lord, and sweep away all lying refuges, and, gracious God, settle and establish these halters. O bring to the birth, and give life and love and zeal to make a full profession to the glory of thy powerful grace, and to the joy and comfort of fellow-members. Let thy kingdom come."

"GREENWICH, June 11, 1813.

"In my large light closet, within my airy, comfortable room; the prospect from my windows such as I have ever delighted in, woods and water, flower-garden and fruit-trees, and beautiful shrubs of various kinds, all as much mine as if my own individual property by the laws of the land in which I live; surrounded with books, and my children's rich library at my command; enjoying rich gospel ordinances, under a godly, gifted pastor, with pious, loving, sensible church-members; a carriage to convey me, Sabbath and week-days, to places of worship; children whose desire is that I may enjoy all these to the full without care or trouble, they caring for me; with all these a large measure of health, my eyes see my teachers, my ears hear their voice. Why then these tears? Are they all for sin? Lord, search and see. Does no wounded pride, no selfish hurt mix? Ah, Lord, thou knowest. I have detected much, and mourn and weep on that account; but I fear there is yet much lurking and working that I know not.

"I have set apart the remainder of this day for fasting and humiliation on account of past sins which I already know, and for yet further search into what I know not of at present. Lord, give me heart-searching exercises. Glory, glory, glory to Father, Son, and blessed Comforter, that I am forgiven; thy Spirit witnesseth with my spirit that I am forgiven. Thou hast given me faith in the truth of thy testimony, that the blood of Christ cleanseth from all sin—that this is thy own provision for sinners—that Christ died for the ungodly—that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us—that Christ hath loved us, and given himself for us—that 'God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.' These last words came from thy own lips of flesh. Thou gift of God to a perishing world, and to me, one of the most guilty in it, thou also saidst, 'He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life.' Thy Spirit witnesseth with my spirit, that to me it is given on the behalf of Christ to believe in him. Phil. 1:29. Therefore I have everlasting life. Him who was slain and hanged on a tree, 'Him hath God exalted to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance and remission of sins.' From this exalted Prince I have repentance and forgiveness of sin, and therefore I dare look at my sins: I look with grief, but not with terror. Though forgiven, and though provision is made for forgiveness, sin is still an evil and a bitter thing.

"This day is set apart for mourning. I desire to search, to know more of my vileness, that I may mourn yet more; that while my heart is wrung for my ingratitude, the Lord may make it the means of crucifying my sins, especially that which so easily besets me, that he will give me the prayer of faith that they may be forgiven, and that I may be delivered from their power in my heart; that I may be clothed with humility, so humble that nothing can hurt me, wearing my Redeemer's yoke, leaning upon him who was 'meek and lowly,' that I may find rest to my soul. Now, Lord, assist me for the rest of the day" and let to-morrow be the beginning of days."

"Ten o'clock at night.

"The day is spent, and I look for the blessing. It has not been spent so much in my usual way of retracing, confessing, and bewailing, but with Owen on the subject of indwelling sin, of purification and the, means appointed by God. The blood of Christ is the only effectual means not only as atonement for sin, setting us free from condemnation, but also for cleansing, as sprinkled on the conscience by the Holy Ghost, and purging it from dead works. There are means in which we are to exercise ourselves, depending on the Spirit for benefit. We are to work in the faith that God works in us. Mortification is one means, and though the mortification of the body is perhaps one of the lowest, I think it is of divine appointment, therefore not to be neglected. I have been also studying the death of Christ, and his previous sufferings; the unbelief, the opposition, contradiction, contempt, and cruel mocking which he endured; and his meekness, patience, and submission under them; healing Malchus' ear, praying for his murderers; that, as the children of Israel were healed by looking to the brazen serpent, I may be healed by looking unto the uplifted Jesus; the Spirit producing the effect. And as the woman with the bloody issue was healed by a touch, exercising faith in the power of Christ, so I may be healed by a look, exercising the same faith, the Spirit producing the effect of conformity to his example, working in me that meek and lowly spirit for which I have been praying. And now, by grace communicated, I hope to watch over my spirit with more success than formerly. I wait for thy salvation."

The following letter shows how Mrs. Graham persevered in her endeavors to guide and benefit immortal souls as long as God gave her powers to be employed.

To Mrs. J. W——.

"GREENWICH, 1814.

"Did not the dove, my dear J——, get into the ark? Yes, Noah put out his hand and pulled her in; both are types of Christ. He is the Ark of safety from the flood of wrath that must overwhelm unbelievers.

"I know not, my dear, the amount of that over which you mourn with so much agony; I know not even if it be sinful, except in the circumstances; you are conscious of sincerity, and you do not now wish to draw back. We can, my dear, do nothing in our own strength; no, not so much as think a good thought. To make any resolution without dependence on God for strength to perform, is sinful; to make any vow without a consciousness of our weakness and dependence on God for strength to perform, is an aggravation of the evil.

"I suppose my J—— has sinned; what then? If any man say he has no sin, he deceives himself, and the truth is not in him. And if you suppose that your sin in this is greater than many other sins with their aggravations, you judge wrong. I think that any one deliberate sin, wilfully committed with a knowledge that it is sin, is greater than yours in such circumstances. You are bound by your vow, and God will enable you to perform it. Turn, my dear, to the second chapter of the Acts of the Apostles, where Peter preaches to the very murderers of our blessed Saviour, and charges the guilt upon them, verse twenty-second; and again in verse thirty-sixth, 'Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly, that this same Jesus whom ye crucified, God hath made both Lord and Christ; and when they heard this, they were pricked in their hearts.' Read on, my dear; Peter exhorts even them to repent and be baptized in the name of Christ, for the remission of sins. I make no doubt but many have made vows in a rash manner; but, so far as I know, you have vowed only to serve the Lord; this you are bound to do with or without a vow; and if the Lord makes this vow the means of keeping you watchful and humble, and firm in avoiding what you have vowed against, it will, by his overruling Spirit, prove a blessing.

"You 'do not know where to look for comfort!' To, Jesus, my dear; not to yourself, nor to any creature. 'Look unto me and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God, and there is none else.' Isa. 45:22. 'O Israel, thou hast destroyed thyself, but in me is thy help.' Hosea 13:9; chap. 14. Take a view, my dear, of the character of God in his dealings with his perverse Israel, after they had made the molten calf, and sinned otherwise grievously against God. He, at the intercession of Moses, forgave their sin, and proclaimed that wonderful name, which to this day is the encouragement of convicted sinners, and mine in particular. And the Lord passed by him (Moses) and proclaimed, 'The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin.' And how can God do this, whose law is, as himself, immutable; and who adds 'that he will by no means clear the guilty?' Exodus 34:6. Look now to the fifty-third chapter of Isaiah, where you will find your Redeemer standing in your stead. In the thirtieth chapter is another amazing display of God's forgiveness. The prophet begins the chapter with, 'Woe to the rebellious children!' and lays grievous things to their charge till you come to the eighteenth verse, where he says, 'Therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious to you; therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you; for the Lord is a God of judgment, blessed are all they that wait for him.' Once more look at the proclamation, Jeremiah 3:12. God has provided a sacrifice of sufficient value to atone for our most aggravated transgressions, and a righteousness answerable to the uttermost extent of his holy law. Both are made over to the sinner by free gift. 'He hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.' 2 Cor. 5:21. In Him—He, our surety, having fulfilled all righteousness for us, as our surety and representative.

"You fear that it is not the hand of the Lord that is upon you. I do think that it is, my J——. It is the peculiar office of the Spirit to convince of sin, and I do think that he is at this time dealing with your soul. But why look so much at your vow? you have sinned, my J——, in heart, lip, and life. 'Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart.' O my J——, what prostituted affections, what misspent time. While God says, 'Whether you eat or drink, or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God,' what self-indulgence and self-will, instead of self-denial. Listen to the voice of convictions, listen to it as the voice of mercy, leading you to Christ the great propitiatory sacrifice, 'the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.'

"Go to Christ, my dear, as a sinner; tell him you commit your sinful soul into his hands; say, Thou hast bid me look unto thee and be saved. Saviour, I do look unto thee for salvation. Wash me in thy blood, clothe me in thy righteousness, sanctify me by thy grace, accept of me as thy pardoned, saved child; and be a surety for me for good, that having vowed to thee that I would be thy servant, I may perform my vow; furnish me with both will and power to devote myself to thee every day of my life.

"Try, my dear, to rest on Christ; put your trust in him; if you do he will not disappoint you; as your faith, so shall it be unto you. Now faith is a saving grace; thereby we receive and rest upon Christ for salvation, as he is offered to us in the gospel. Do as you have said: wait his appointed time, in the use of means, till he manifest himself to you. I am hurried for time to get this to town. Farewell. I will pray for you.

"I. GRAHAM."

"1814.

"'A day of darkness and gloominess, a day of clouds and thick darkness, as the morning spread upon the mountains.' Joel 2:2.

"Not in temporals, nor in the means of grace; every thing that earth can afford is gathered into my present cup; it is full and runs over with earthly good, and a large measure of health to enjoy it. Moral temporals are also mine in no common degree, friendship, society at my choice, and respectability in it. Rich means of grace within my reach, my Bible, and books of every kind and great variety at my hand, of instruction and of devotion. Mine eyes see my teachers, and my judgment approves their doctrine as corresponding with that sure word of testimony given me as the test of all human writings. Yet it is a day of darkness and of gloom.

"'Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness and hath no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay upon his God.' Isa. 50:10.

"To trust in the name of the Lord and to stay myself upon my God is still my privilege, and though with little life and little comfort, my experience. My mind is so desultory! My Bible, and helps derived from men's deductions and experiences, seem useless; they are not blessed as means to fix my heart; trifles of every sort pass and repass often; while my eyes read the words, my mind is gone in a dream on some other subject; my heart remains unimpressed, my mind uninformed; the same in prayer, especially in secret and in the family; less so in the sanctuary.

"I seem, as to apprehension, left to my own dark, dismal, carnal self; naked faith on the finished work of my Redeemer is all that supports me; and that as a bare preventive of fear and source of a hope that 'I shall yet praise Him who is the health of my countenance and my God.' I know his covenant stands fast, I have taken hold of it; I do at this cold and stupid moment place my confidence in it. Christ is God's covenant, God's gift to sinners; I believe it; he is the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world; I believe it; I believe on the Son for all the purposes for which God has sent him into the world; therefore I have everlasting life; I believe the record that God gave of his Son; that God hath given to me eternal life, and this life is in his Son, not in me, but in union with him. 'He that hath the Son hath life; he that hath not the Son, hath not life.' John 5.

"I thank thee, my God, that thou hast not left me to cast away my confidence in Christ. I have life in him, and no life but as I have it from him. Thou seest how it is with me. Thou art my reconciled Father in Christ, but thou hast shut me out from thy presence. I do not enjoy thee; my poor heart is tossed from trifle to trifle. It has been my way through life to destroy myself, and thy way to deliver me. Thou hast been very gracious to me in my old age. I have enjoyed much of thy presence in thy sanctuary and in my private hours; and although sin has dwelt and does dwell in me, I have enjoyed thy forgiving grace, and have tasted thy love, far beyond what I have for weeks past. 'Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my thoughts; and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.' Show me wherefore thou contendest with me. Am I living in the indulgence of any known wilful sin; or in the habitual neglect of any known duty? Lord, 'it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps.' I know I have been unthankful, unwatchful, idle; alas, this is my ordinary course; but it is not the ordinary course of my Lord God, merciful and gracious, to mark iniquity against me, but to forgive me daily, to lead me to the blood of sprinkling, to give me contrition, and to restore me to his favor by giving me 'joy and peace in believing.' Help, Lord; give me heart-searching exercises. I read thy word, I set about that to which thou callest me. I set apart this day for fasting, but the gracious exercises are not in me. Come, O come, and be with me. Exalted Prince, give repentance and remission; in thy light let me see light.

"'Therefore now turn ye unto me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping and mourning; rend your heart and not your garments, turn unto the Lord your God; for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil.' Joel 2:12. O, do I not know thee by this name; has it not been thy name to me throughout this wide wilderness, 'pardoning iniquity, transgression, and sin?' Thou hast prepared a prayer for me, 'Turn me, and I shall be turned, for thou art the Lord my God.' Jer. 31:18. I look to thy new covenant in the same chapter; it is all promise, I can do nothing in it. Christ by thine own appointment answers for my part; or rather, I have no part. I can render nothing to the Lord for all his benefits to me. I will put forth the withered hand to 'take the cup of salvation, and call on the name of the Lord.'

"Ten o'clock. The day is spent; I have confessed, and endeavored to turn to the Lord with mourning, but with little sensibility.

"I attended meeting in the evening, heard two excellent discourses on the priesthood of Christ, and joined in two prayers and three hymns with more fixed attention than has been my attainment lately; for this I thank thee, my God. Many have been the beginnings of days and of months which thou hast afforded after backsliding. O add this to the number. 'Hear my prayer, O Lord; give ear to my supplications; in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness. Enter not into judgment with thy servant, for in thy sight shall no man living be justified.' Psalm 143.

"My spirit is overwhelmed within me, my heart within me is desolate. I stretch out my hands unto thee; my soul thirsteth after thee in a thirsty land. Hear me speedily, O Lord; my spirit faileth; hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto those that go down into the pit. Cause me to hear thy loving-kindness in the morning, for in thee do I trust; cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my soul unto thee. Deliver me, O Lord, from mine enemies; I flee unto thee to hide me. Teach me to do thy will, for thou art my God. Thy Spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. Quicken me, O Lord, for thy name's sake; for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble. I wait for thy salvation.

This heart my Jesus bought with blood, It is his honest claim; O seize it, fix it, Saviour God, To give it is my aim.

Take full possession of this heart, And here set up thy throne; Command each idol to depart, And make it all thine own.

O dare I not to thee appeal, That 'tis my first desire, That on this heart thou stamp thy seal And grave it with love's fire?

To fix this heart to stray no more I e'en would quit the clay; Would hasten on to Jordan's shore, And plough the watery way.

Nor fear nor dread my soul should move, With Jesus in my heart; Each passion swallowed up in love, I'd court the friendly dart.

The resurrection and the life In death itself he'll prove, And while he closes mortal strife, Breathe his own life of love.

Then boast not, monster, of thy sting, Nor of thy victory, grave; In th' arms of God's anointed King I dare thy fiercest brave.



CHAPTER XII.

CLOSING LABORS FOR THE POOR— SICKNESS AND DEATH.

During the last two years of her life, Mrs. Graham found her strength inadequate to so extensive a course of visiting the poor as formerly; there were some distressed families, however, that experienced her kind attentions to the last. She would occasionally accompany the Rev. Mr. Stanford on his visits to the state-prison, hospital, and to the Magdalen house. This gentleman was the stated preacher employed by "the Society for the Support of the Gospel among the Poor," and devoted his time to preaching in the almshouse, hospital, state-prison, debtors'-prison, etc., with great assiduity and acceptance.

Mrs. Graham now spent much of her time in her room, devoted to meditation, prayer, and reading the Scriptures; she seemed to be weaning from earth and preparing for heaven. Prayer was that sweet breath of her soul which brought stability to her life. Genuine humility was obvious in all her sentiments and deportment. Religious friends prized her conversation, counsel, and friendship; sometimes they would venture on a compliment to her superior attainments, but always experienced a decided rebuke. To her friend Colonel L——, who expressed a wish to be such a character as she was, she quickly replied with an air of mingled pleasantry and censure, "Get thee behind me, Satan." To a female friend who said, "If I were only sure at last of being admitted to a place at your feet I should feel happy." "Hush, hush," replied Mrs. Graham, "There is ONE SAVIOUR." Thus she was always careful to give her divine Redeemer the whole glory of her salvation.

This example of humility, self-denial, and sensibility to the imperfection of her conduct, is the more to be valued, as it is so difficult to be followed. Flattery is too commonly practised; and there is no sufficient guard against its dangerous consequences, except a constant and humbling recognition of the spirituality of the law of God, and our lamentable deficiency in fulfilling it. Pride was not made for man: "I have seen an end of all perfection," said the Psalmist, "but thy commandment is exceeding broad." It was by cherishing this sentiment, by studying her Bible, by searching her heart and its motives, and above all, by grace accorded of heaven in answer to her prayers, that Mrs. Graham was enabled to maintain such meekness of spirit, such an uniformity of Christian character throughout her life. May all who read her history be directed to the same sources of true peace and genuine happiness.

In the spring of 1814 she was requested to unite with some ladies in forming a society for the promotion of industry among the poor. This was the last act in which she appeared before the public. A petition, signed by about thirty ladies, was presented to the corporation of New York, praying that they would assign them a building in which work might be prepared and given out to the industrious poor, who being paid for their labor, might be saved the necessity of begging, and at the same time cherish habits of industry and self-respect. The corporation having returned a favorable answer, and provided a house, a meeting of the Society was held, and Mrs. Graham once more was called to the chair. It was the last time she was to preside at the formation of a new society. Her articulation, once strong and clear, was now observed to have become more feeble. The ladies present listened to her with affectionate attention; her voice broke upon the ear as a pleasant sound that was passing away. She consented to have her name inserted on the list of managers, and to give what assistance her age would permit in forwarding so beneficent a work. Although it pleased God that she should cease from her labors before the House of Industry was opened, yet the work was carried on by others and prospered. Between four and five hundred women were employed and paid during the following winter. The corporation declared in strong terms their approbation of the result, and enlarged their donation, with a view to promote the same undertaking for the succeeding winter.

In the month of May, 1814, a report was received from Mr. Stephen Prust of Bristol, in England, of the Society for establishing Adult-schools. Mrs. Graham was so delighted with a perusal of it, as immediately to undertake the formation of such a school in the village of Greenwich. She called on the young people who were at work in some neighboring manufactories, and requested them to attend her for this purpose every Sabbath morning at eight o'clock. This was kept up after her decease as a Sunday-school, and consisted of nearly eighty scholars. She was translated from this work of faith on earth, to engage in the sublimer work of praise in heaven.

For some weeks previous to her last illness she was favored with unusual health and much enjoyment of religion; she appeared to have sweet exercises and communion in attending on all God's ordinances and appointed means of grace. She was also greatly refreshed in spirit by the success of Missionary and Bible Societies, and used to speak with much affection of Mr. Gordon, Mr. Lee, Mr. May, and Dr. Morrison, with whom she had been acquainted when in New York, on their way to missionary stations in India and China.

Mrs. Graham was very partial to the works of Dr. John Owen, Rev. William Romaine, and Rev. John Newton, and read them with pleasure and profit. One day she remarked to Mr. B——, that she preferred the ancient writers on theology to the modern, because they dealt more in italics. "Dear mother," he replied, "what religion can there be in italics?" "You know," said she, "that old writers expected credit for the doctrines they taught, by proving them from the word of God to be correct: they inserted the scripture passages in italics, and their works have been sometimes one-half in italics. Modern writers on theology, on the contrary, give us a long train of reasoning to persuade us to their opinions, but very little in italics." This remark of hers has great force, and deserves the serious attention of those who write and those who read on theological subjects.

On the two Sabbaths preceding her last illness she joined in communion at the Lord's table. On the 10th of July, 1814, at Greenwich, and on the 17th at her own church in Cedar-street. On each week preceding these seasons she attended three evenings on religious exercises; on Thursdays at the Orphan Asylum, on Friday evenings the preparation sermons, and on Saturday evenings at the prayer-meetings. She appeared lively, and expressed comfort in those religious seasons, and continued actively useful until the very day on which her illness commenced.

On the morning of the 17th she attended the Sabbath-school with her daughter and grandchildren. Thus the Lord was pleased to direct that she should lead her children's children into the walks of usefulness before she took her flight to heaven, and impose a pleasing obligation on them that they should follow her steps. Of the same date is the last meditation in her diary.

"COMMUNION SABBATH, July 17, 1814.

"'Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls,' 1 Peter, 1:8, 9.

"I had requested to be brought to my Lord's banqueting-house, and to be feasted with love this day. I ate the bread and drank the wine, in the faith that I ate the flesh and drank the blood of the Son of man, and dwelt in him and he in me. Took a close view of my familiar friend Death, accompanied with the presence of my Saviour, his sensible presence. I cannot look at it without this; it is my only petition concerning it. I have had desires relative to certain circumstances, but they are nearly gone. It is my sincere desire that God may be glorified, and he knows best how and by what circumstances. I retain my one petition,

"Only to me thy countenance show, I ask no more the Jordan through."

Thus she arose from her Master's table, was called to gird on her armor for a combat with the king of terrors, and came off more than conqueror, through Him who loved her.

On Monday she appeared in perfect health, and visited and gave religious instruction to the orphans in the asylum.

On Tuesday, the 19th of July, she complained of not feeling well, and kept her room; on Thursday her disorder proved to be a cholera-morbus, and her children sent for a physician. She thought this attack was slighter than in former seasons. On Saturday, however, she requested that Mrs. Chrystie might be sent for; this alarmed Mrs. B——, knowing there existed an understanding between those two friends, that one should attend the dying-bed of the other, Mrs. Chrystie was a very dear friend of Mrs. Graham. For upwards of twenty-four years they had loved each other, feeling reciprocal sympathy in their joys and their sorrows; the hope of faith was the consolation of both, and oftentimes it had been their delightful employment to interchange their expressions of affection towards Him whom having not seen, they loved, and in whom, though they saw him not, yet believing on him, they rejoiced with joy unspeakable and full of glory. On Mrs. Chrystie's entering the chamber of her friend, Mrs. Graham welcomed her with a sweet expressive smile, seeming to say, "I am going to get the start of you, I am called home before you; it will be your office to fulfil our engagement." When she sat by her bedside, Mrs. Graham said, "Your face is very pleasant to me, my friend."

During Saturday night, a lethargy appeared to be overpowering her frame. On Sabbath morning she was disposed to constant slumber; observing Mr. B—— looking at her with agitation, she was roused from her heaviness, and stretching her arms towards him and embracing him, she said, "My dear, dear son, I am going to leave you; I am going to my Saviour." "I know," he replied, "that when you do go from us, it will be to the Saviour; but, my dear mother, it may not be the Lord's time now to call you to himself." "Yes," said she, "now is the time; and Oh, I could weep for sin." Her words were accompanied with her tears. "Have you any doubts, then, my dear friend?" asked Mrs. Chrystie. "Oh no," replied Mrs. Graham; and looking at Mr. and Mrs. B—— as they wept, "My dear children, I have no more doubt of going to my Saviour, than if I were already in his arms; my guilt is all transferred; he has cancelled all I owed. Yet I could weep for sins against so good a God: it seems to me as if there must be weeping even in heaven for sin."

After this she entered into conversation with her friends, mentioning portions of scripture and favorite hymns which had been subjects of much comfort and joy to her. Some of these she had transcribed into a little book, calling them her "victuals" prepared for crossing over Jordan; she committed them to memory, and often called them to remembrance as her songs in the night when sleep had deserted her. She then got Mr. B—— to read to her some of these portions, especially the eighty-second hymn of Newton's third book:

"Let us love, and sing, and wonder; Let us praise the Saviour's name: He has hushed the law's loud thunder, He has quenched mount Sinai's flame: He has washed us with his blood, He has brought us nigh to God," etc.

Mrs. Graham then fell asleep, nor did she awaken until the voice of the Rev. Dr. Mason roused her. They had a very affectionate interview, which he has partly described in the excellent sermon he delivered after her decease. She expressed to him her hope as founded altogether on the redemption that is in Jesus Christ: were she left to depend on the merit of the best action she had ever performed, that would be only a source of despair. She repeated to him, as her view of salvation, the fourth verse of the same hymn:

"Let us wonder: grace and justice Join, and point at mercy's store; When, through grace, in Christ our trust is, Justice smiles and asks no more; He who washed us with his blood, Has secured our way to God."

Having asked Dr. Mason to pray with her, he inquired if there was any particular request she had to make of God by him; she replied, that God would direct: then as he kneeled, she put up her hands, and raising her eyes towards heaven, breathed this short but expressive petition, "Lord, lead thy servant in prayer."

After Dr. Mason had taken his leave, she again fell into a deep sleep. Her physicians still expressed a hope of her recovery, as her pulse was regular and the violence of her disease had abated. One of them, however, declared his opinion that his poor drugs would prove of little avail against her own ardent prayers to depart and be with Christ, which was far better for her than a return to a dying world.

On Monday the Rev. Mr. Rowan prayed with her, and to him she expressed also the tranquillity of her mind, and the steadfastness of her hope, through Christ, of eternal felicity.

Her lethargy increased; at intervals from sleep she would occasionally assure her daughter, Mrs. B——, that all was well; and when she could rouse herself only to say one word at a time, that one word, accompanied with a smile, was, "Peace." From her there was a peculiar emphasis in this expression of the state of her mind: "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you," had been a favorite portion of scripture with her, and a promise, the fulfilment of which was her earnest prayer to the God who made it. She also occasionally asked Mr. B—— to pray with her, even when she could only articulate, as she looked at him, "Pray." She was now surrounded by many of her dear Christian friends, who watched her dying-bed with affection and solicitude. On Tuesday afternoon she slept with little intermission. This, said Dr. Mason, may be truly called "falling asleep in Jesus." It was remarked by those who attended her, that all terror was taken away, and that death seemed here as an entrance into life. Her countenance was placid, and looked younger than before her illness.