THERE IS NO STATE OF LIFE MORE HONORABLE,

useful, and happy than that of a wife and mother. There must and ever will be inequalities of station, but happiness is equally attainable in them all. To be happy, however, you must be good. Of course, I do not mean absolutely good, for "there is none good but One"; but I mean that you should be relatively good, and should aim at becoming better and more innocent as you advance in life. Now, you cannot respect yourself unless you know that you are worthy of respect; and if you do not respect yourself, you cannot expect that anybody else will; and in such case you will not be worthy of the love of any good man, and none such will be likely to pay court to you. If, however, you take the right means, in which I include prayer for divine guidance, you will have the respect and friendship of all your acquaintances, and then in God's own time, and, let me add, without your seeking it, the man whom you can make happy will present himself and propose to make you his wife, if it be God's will that you should become one.

Here are two very important points for your consideration: First, that it should be your constant endeavor to

MAKE YOUR HUSBAND HAPPY;

and, second, that before you consent to marry him, you should ascertain that he has those qualifications that will secure your happiness. It most nearly concerns yourself that you do your duty to God and your neighbor at all times, so that it becomes your habit; and you will find it much easier, and safer, too, to do it every day rather than on only particular occasions; for this would require a special effort, and for the time, perhaps, put you into a state of excitement, which, in all probability, would be followed by a depression of spirits. What you should rather aim at is a uniformly cheerful state of mind, resulting from a conscious and confident dependence on Providence. If your husband knows from experience that such is your character, he cannot fail, provided he be worthy of you, to be content and happy.

IT IS THE NATURE OF YOUNG WOMEN

to be affectionate, and it is pleasant and usual for them to have several dear friends, enjoying more or less of their confidence. Among these may be included some of their male acquaintance. Now, while they may esteem each of these as they would a dear cousin, they should know and act upon the knowledge that it is only to one they can give their unlimited confidence and individual affection as a wife. It is the height of cruelty and wickedness for either a man or a woman to trifle with another's affection. Such base conduct has cost many a young woman her health and peace, and even her life, and cannot, therefore, be too much depreciated and avoided.

Let me, then, advise you to be

VERY CAUTIOUS

before you allow a young man to pay you such marked attentions as may lead to marriage. It is not, you know, to terminate in seven years, like an apprenticeship or a commercial partnership, but it is an engagement for the life of one of the parties. I want you, then, to profit by the experience of others, too many of whom enter into marriage from light and low considerations, and not to settle in life till you, and also your friends, see that there is a reasonable prospect of your securing happiness, as well as comfort and a respectable position.

When a young woman has property or expects it, or is possessed of superior personal attractions, she should be especially prudent in her conduct towards the numerous admirers which such qualifications usually attract. No woman should allow herself to accept the attentions of any man who does not possess those sterling qualities which will command her respect, or whose love is directed to her fortune or beauty rather than herself. On such a one she can place no reliance, for should illness or misfortune overtake her she may find herself deprived of that love which she had valued as the great treasure of her life. Possessed of this, she feels that earthly riches are but of secondary importance, and that the want of them can never make her poor.

Moreover, a worthier man than any of her interested suitors may have a sincere respect and affection for her, but be kept in the background by the overzealous attention of his rivals. Still, if she has sufficient self-command to patiently and calmly investigate their general private character, she may find reason to decline their suit, and may discover that the more modest and retiring youth is the one that is deserving of her love.

While on this subject, let me caution you against the foolish affectation which some girls practice in order to attract the attention of young men. In their company be natural in your manners, open and friendly and ready to converse on general subjects; not appearing to expect that every one who pays you the ordinary courtesies of society is going to fall in love with you. This mode of behavior, which is more common with those who are vain of their beauty than with others, frequently leads to such young women being more neglected than their less pretending sisters; for prudent young men, who are impressed with the necessity of a right decision in the all-important step of marriage, instinctively shrink from those who seem unwilling to give them a fair opportunity of judging whether their hearts and minds are as attractive as their persons.

You may innocently admire many a young man for the noble qualities God has bestowed upon him, without at all entertaining the idea either that he would make you happy as his wife, or you him as your husband. Thank God we are constituted of such different temperaments that all may find suitable partners without clashing with each other's tastes, if they will only be content to watch and wait.

It is the part of a young man to watch, to be actively desirous of meeting with a suitable partner. In doing this, his first consideration should be to seek for such a one as he can make happy; not to look primarily for beauty, fortune, wit, or accomplishments—things all very good in themselves, but by no means constituting the essentials of happiness. If he is influenced by pure and simple motives, he will not find, or expect to find, more than one that can satisfy his desire, and he will not be in much danger of exciting the envy or the rivalry of his companions.

On the other hand, it is becoming in a young woman to

WAIT PATIENTLY

till, from the assiduous and respectful attentions of a young man, she can have no doubt that he is in earnest, when, and not before, she may freely give him her company, and with every expectation of a happy result. Be assured that no sensible young man is ever attracted by a young woman whom he sees on the lookout for a lover; he is more likely to think meanly of her, and to avoid her society.

It may, however, happen that a young man makes the offer before the young woman knows enough of him for it to be right for her to accept it, and before he, on his part, ought to take the step. In such case it would be well for her, even supposing she is inclined to like him, to tell him that he has taken her by surprise, and that she cannot think of entering on so important a subject without consulting her friends, to whom she accordingly refers him. It would then become her duty to intimate to him that, although his attentions are agreeable to them, he must wait a while, till, from further acquaintance, they are enabled to judge whether it will conduce to the mutual happiness of their daughter and himself for her to accept the offer he has so kindly made.

But it is not only young men who

ARE APT TO BE HASTY

in these matters. It is, as is well known, not uncommon for parents, especially mothers, very soon after a young man has begun to pay attention to their daughter, to give him to understand that they wish to know his intentions in reference to her. By such proceedings a young man may be taken aback, and either hurry into a match, which turns out unhappily, or be led to withdraw from a union which might have resulted in the happiness of all the parties concerned.

That your parents should wish you to be married is only natural, especially if their own marriage has been a happy one. It will be gratifying to them to see a worthy young man paying attention to you, and most probably they will let things take their own course. Marriage is too important a matter to admit of being hastened.

There are, I am aware, unwise parents, who, from various motives, will throw obstacles in the way of young people who are desirous of coming together. Some are so selfish as to be unwilling to part with their daughter, preferring their own happiness to hers. Others are so silly as to think no ordinary man good enough for her, and therefore, if they had their own way, would have her to become an old maid. Fortunately, such shortsighted people are not infrequently outwitted.

If your parents are, as I hope they are, reasonable in their views and expectations, one of the chief concerns of their life will be the promotion of your happiness, and it behooves you to pay the utmost deference to their opinion; and should they, from circumstances they become aware of, deem it advisable that you should either postpone or even break off an engagement, they will doubtless give you such weighty reasons as will justify you in acting on their advice. Where, however, as sometimes happens, they unwisely refuse their consent to their child's marriage at a time when she well knows from her own feelings, and also from the sanction she receives from the opinion of trustworthy and judicious friends, that she would be making a real sacrifice were she to comply with their wishes; if, I say, under such circumstances she acts disobediently and marries the man she loves, more blame attaches to the parents than to herself, and the sooner they forgive her the better.

It is very common for young men, when going into the company of young woman, together with their best dress to put on their best behavior; in fact, to assume a character which is not their natural one, but far superior to it.

Some hold the opinion that

"ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR."

To me it appears there cannot be greater folly and wickedness than for young people who are thinking of marrying to attempt to deceive each other. What is the good of it? A very short period of married life will entirely dispel the illusion. I suppose people of the world may think it fair to overreach one another in their dealings, saying "everyone for himself." They have no intention of seeking to promote the other's happiness; present gain is all they want. But a married pair, to be happy, must

RESPECT AND ESTEEM, AS WELL AS LOVE,

each other; and this cannot be attained except by the constant endeavor to be as well as to appear true and good.

That young men should behave well in the presence of women is only natural and right; none but a fool would do otherwise. But you, long before thinking of marrying, should take all fair means to learn what is the general conduct and habits of your male acquaintance in their family circle and with their daily connections. "Are they good-humored and kind—able to bear the troubles they meet with? Are they industrious, frugal, temperate, religious, chaste? Have they had the prudence to insure against sickness and death?" Or, on the other hand, are they addicted to drinking, smoking, betting, keeping late hours, frequenting casinos, etc.? Your mother and other prudent friends will assist you to find this out. Those who do not come up to the proper standard, however agreeable they may be as acquaintance, certainly cannot make good husbands. In company of such, it behooves you to be well on your guard, and accept no attention from them. Should you marry such a one, you would be sure to be miserable.

While, however, it is quite right that you should be careful about the character of the young man who is paying court to you, it is of far more importance to you that you should be careful about your own, and this whether you marry or not. Indeed, a chief object in our being placed in this world is that we may acquire good habits, and so be fitted to associate with the just made perfect in heaven!

Be very guarded in your actions and demeanor. Cultivate purity of heart and thought.

No woman is fit to become a wife who is not perfectly modest in word, deed, and thought. No young man, who is worth having, would ever entertain the thought for a moment of taking the girl for a wife who is habitually careless in her conversation and displays a levity in her manners. Young men may like your free and hearty girls to laugh and talk with, but as to taking one for a wife, let me assure you they would not tolerate the idea for a moment.

You may at times be unavoidably compelled to hear a vulgar word spoken or an indelicate allusion made; in every instance maintain a rigid insensibility. It is not enough that you should cast down your eyes or turn your head, you must act as if you did not hear it; appear as if you did not comprehend it. You ought to receive no more impression from remarks of this character than a block of wood. Unless you maintain this standing, and preserve this high-toned purity of manner, you will be greatly depreciated in the opinion of all men whose opinion is worth having, and you deprive yourself of much influence and respect which it is your privilege to possess and exert.

COURTSHIP, AFTER ALL, IS A MOMENTOUS MATTER.

After taking all the counsel that may be offered, you must at last, in a great measure, rely on your own judgment. Within a few short months you have to decide, from what you can see of a man, whether you will have him in preference to your parents, friends, and all others that you know, to be a life companion. What can you do? How shall you judge? How arrive at a correct conclusion? My dear young girl, there is only One who can assist you. He, in His mercy to your helplessness and weakness, has given to every virtuous and pure-minded woman a wonderful, mysterious, and subtle instinct; a peculiar faculty that cannot be analyzed by reason, a faculty that men do not possess, and one in which they do not generally believe. At this all-important period, this eventful crisis in your life, this womanly instinct guides and saves you. You can feel in a moment the presence or influence of a base, sensual, and unworthy nature. An electric-like thrill animates you, and you are naturally repulsed from him. When your suitor is a man of incongruous temper, ungenial habits, and of a morose and unsympathetic disposition, this same precious, divine instinct acts, and the man feels, though he cannot tell why, that all his arts and aspirations are in vain. It will seldom be necessary for you to tell him verbally of his failure; but should such a one blindly insist upon intruding his attentions, do not hesitate to tell him kindly but firmly your decision. Should your suitor be one who is worthy, who will make you happy, this same blessed instinct will whisper in your soul the happy news. From the first interview there is frequently thrown around the maiden a peculiar, undefined spell; she will feel differently in his presence, and watch him with other eyes than she has for the rest of men, and in due time, when he shall ask her to decide upon the question which shall seal the temporal and eternal destiny of two human souls, she will gladly respond, giving in loving trustfulness that which is the most precious, the most enviable thing on earth: a maiden's heart, a woman's love.

Many persons, of both sexes, however amiable and pure their minds may be, should conscientiously abstain from marriage. This applies to all who have a tendency to consumption, scrofula, insanity, or any other of those diseases which are so frequently transmitted to offspring. This very important matter is not sufficiently known, and therefore is not attended to as it ought to be; hence the great amount of sickness and early death among children.

The tendency to inherit qualities is very evident in the case of drunkards, whose children are often inclined to practice the vice of their parents. The children of the blind, and of the deaf and dumb, are also liable to be afflicted as their parents were. These facts go far to show that it is literally true that the sins of the fathers are visited upon the children. It is, however, gratifying to know—and there are many well-attested cases to prove it—that whereas the children born to a man while he was addicted to drunkenness were similarly addicted to that vice, those born after he gave up his vicious indulgence, and by that means improved his bodily health, were free from the evil tendency.

One strong reason

WHY NEAR RELATIONS SHOULD NOT INTERMARRY

is that, as the same general tendencies prevail in families, when the parents are nearly related they are very likely to have the same evil tendency, whatever that may be; and, therefore, there is a great probability that their children will also have the same, but more strongly developed, and, consequently, the difficulty of their overcoming it will be much increased.

How plainly, then, is it the duty of those about to marry, as well as of those who are married, to strive to their utmost, with God's help, to overcome disorderly habits of every kind; for, be assured, it is only by such means they can hope to be blessed with good and healthy children, and thereby contribute to their own happiness, and at the same time to the improvement of the race as subjects both of this world and of heaven.

As it is by no means certain that you will marry, and the time may come when it will no longer be convenient to your parents to support you, it will be good for you, keeping these contingencies in mind, to qualify yourself to earn your own maintenance by some honest industry. You will then have a right feeling of independence, and not be tempted to marry, as too many young women do, not from the true principle of sincere affection, but mainly for a living. They may thus obtain a competence, and jog on comfortably, but they have no right to expect that genuine happiness which I recommend you to aim at. When, too, you see so many left widows, with small families, and, as we say, totally unprovided for, you will become sensible of the soundness of the advice I am offering you. As the Lord's tender mercies are over all His works, it is evident, from what is occurring around us, that trouble and adversity are better suited to the state of some people, to prepare them for their eternal destination, than any amount of prosperity would be. The poor are no less His children than the rich, and he cares equally—that is, infinitely—for them all. It is certainly wise, then, to be prepared to meet adversity, should He suffer it to come upon you.

Again, suppose you should not have any suitable offer of marriage, such as you would feel it your duty to accept, you are not on that account to be disheartened, and fancy yourself overlooked by Providence.

Single life is evidently the best for some persons; they escape many troubles which perhaps they would find it very hard to bear. There are many ways in which single people can lead a useful life, and be

AS HAPPY AS THE DAY IS LONG.

No one that is actively useful can be unhappy. What do you see around you? Many, I admit, who are not so happy as we should like them to be; but in most cases, if we could fully investigate the matter, it would perhaps be found to have arisen from their thinking too much about themselves and not enough for others. But, on the other hand, it not infrequently happens, when a woman is left, and sees that the support and welfare of herself and children depend on her own exertions, she is enabled to so successfully put forth her energies and to employ her talents which, till she needed them, she hardly knew she possessed, as to surprise both herself and the most sanguine of her friends.

Now, it must be confessed that we are fallen creatures, and therefore prone to evil. We are consequently always in danger of going wrong and forming bad habits, but our Heavenly Father watches over us at all times and gives us power to "refuse the evil and choose the good." We are, I know full well, too much inclined to yield to evil influences; still, as we always have divine aid if we implore it, I am not sure that, on the whole, it is not as easy to acquire good habits as bad ones. This much is certain, that whichever we acquire, they are likely to remain with us and are not easily to be got rid of.

Among the subjects deserving attention as affecting our happiness is one on which, perhaps, I am not entitled to say much. I refer to dress. Now, I hold it to be a duty for people to dress well—that is, according to their position, means, and age; and this not so much for their own sakes as for the sake of giving pleasure to others. It is, I admit, difficult to determine how much of one's income should be devoted to dress, but I think few will deny that at present dress occupies too much time, attention, and money. For my own part, I confess I am most affected by female dress, and although certainly I like to see women well dressed, and would rather see them a little too fine than slovenly, I am often pained at witnessing the extravagance and, to me, ridiculous taste exhibited. Whenever I see a handsome and expensive dress trailing in the dirt, I regard it as culpable waste and in bad taste, and when I see it accidentally trodden on I am not sorry. I am inclined to believe that many women can hardly find time or opportunity to perform any useful duty; they have quite as much as they, poor things, can do to take care of their dress. I also believe (and this is the serious point of the matter) that many a young man is deterred from soliciting a maiden in marriage by knowing that his means would not enable him to let her dress as he is accustomed to see her, and this is doubtless one of the many reasons why so many of both sexes remain unmarried. I hold, too, that whatever forms an obstacle to marriage has a tendency at the same time to obstruct the entrance to heaven.

I will now allude to some of the duties which will devolve upon you as a wife; and recollect that it is on the faithful discharge of these duties that your happiness, here and hereafter, mainly depends. All labor is honorable, and you know who it is that says, "My Father worketh hitherto, and I work." Being married, you must make your husband feel

"THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME."

His business will probably take him from home most of the day, and it should be your care, as I doubt not it will be your delight, to see to his comfort, both before he starts and when he returns. It may sometimes happen in his fighting the battle of life that he has to encounter much that is unpleasant, and he may return home depressed. You will then have to cheer him, and be assured no one can do it so effectually, so pleasantly—aye, and so easily—as yourself.

It is not to sweep the house, and make the bed, and darn the socks, and cook the meals, chiefly, that a man wants a wife. If this is all that he needs, hired help can do it cheaper than a wife. If this is all, when a young man calls to see a young lady, send him to the pantry to taste the bread and cake she has made. Send him to inspect the needlework and bedmaking; or put a broom into her hands and send him to witness its use. Such things are important, and the wise young man will quietly look after them. But what a true man most wants of a true wife is her companionship, sympathy, courage, and love. The way of life has many dreary places in it, and a man needs a companion to go with him. A man is sometimes overtaken with misfortune; he meets with failure and defeat; trials and temptations beset him; and he needs one to stand by and sympathize. He has some stern battles to fight with poverty, with enemies, and with sin; and he needs a woman that, while he puts his arm around her and feels that he has something to fight for, will help him fight; that will put her lips to his ear and whisper words of counsel, and her hands to his heart and impart new inspirations. All through life—through storm and through sunshine, conflict and victory, and through adverse and favoring winds—man needs a woman's love. The heart yearns for it. A sister's or a mother's love will hardly supply the need. Yet many seek for nothing further than success in housework. Justly enough, half of these get nothing more; the other half, surprised beyond measure, have got more than they sought. Their wives surprise them by bringing a nobler idea of marriage, and disclosing a treasury of courage, sympathy, and love.

And I would here caution you against giving way to little misunderstandings in early married life. Sometimes trifling matters, for want of some forbearance or concession on one side on the other, perhaps on both sides, accumulate into serious results. These differences might be avoided by married partners studying each other's peculiarities of character, with the aim of mutually correcting, in a kindly spirit, any wrong tendency or temper which may sometimes show itself. Should you find you have inadvertently given pain to your husband, do not rest until you have ascertained the cause of his disquiet and succeeded in allaying the unhappy feeling. The earnest desire to please each other should by no means terminate on the wedding day, but be studiously continued through married life. Each should always endeavor to think the best of the other, and instantly reject every thought that might tend to weaken the bond of mutual preference and perfect trust.

If he be wise, he will leave the housekeeping entirely to you; his time and attention can be better employed elsewhere. To enable you to do this wisely, you should, long before you marry, become familiar with the quality and prices of articles of consumption, and where they can best be obtained. Every wife should be able to cook well, whether she has to do it herself or not. Health and good humor greatly depend upon the food being of good quality, well cooked, and nicely served up. She should also be able, if needful, to make and mend her own and children's clothes.

Too much importance cannot be attached to cleanliness. Men may be careless as to their own personal appearance, and may, from the nature of their business, be negligent in their dress, but they dislike to see any disregard in the dress and appearance of their wives. Nothing so depresses a man and makes him dislike and neglect his home as to have a wife who is slovenly in her dress and unclean in her habits. Beauty of face and form will not compensate for these defects. The charm of purity and cleanliness never ends but with life itself. These are matters that do not involve any great labor or expense. The use of the bath, and the simplest fabrics, shaped by your own supple fingers, will be all that is necessary. These attractions will act like a magnet upon your husband. Never fear that there will be any influence strong enough to take him from your side.

An experience of many years of observation has convinced me that where a pure, industrious, and cheerful wife meets her husband with a bright smile on the threshold of her dwelling, that man will never leave the home for any other place.

As all people are liable to illness, every young woman should aim at being an efficient nurse. In case of illness, it is now generally admitted that good nursing is of more value than medicine. To a sick husband, a little gruel or other trifle prepared and given by his wife's own hands will confer much more benefit than if prepared and given by another. Should it happen to you to fall ill, you may expect your husband to do his best; but you must not be surprised if he is not your equal in that department. Nursing is one of the many useful things which women can do better than men. A practical knowledge of nursing will enable you to be useful beyond your own family, and will enhance your value as a neighbor.

You have often, I trust, experienced the pleasure of serving others from disinterested motives, and found that the pleasure has been deeper and purer when you have engaged in doing good to those who could not make you any return. This you have found to be the case wherever you have had charge of a baby—one of those little ones of whom the Lord says: "Their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven." You have perhaps been surprised to find how easy it was to perform such a duty, and let me assure you that you may always expect to find it easy to perform your duty in that state of life to which it shall please God to call you. He never requires anything from any of His creatures beyond what He gives them power to do. He is no hard task-master. You have only to look to Him and do your best, and then you may safely leave the result in His hands.

Of all God's creatures, I know no happier one than a young mother with a good husband and a healthy baby. I say a healthy baby, for that implies healthy parents, especially a healthy mother. She may justly feel proud that God has intrusted a young immortal to her care, and she should at all times bear in mind that it is His gift. While it is on all hands considered honorable to hold a commission from the President, and to fill a high office, contributing to the welfare of many people, a mother may feel her office at least as honorable, seeing she has intrusted to her the rearing and training of an immortal being, and that she holds her commission direct from the King of Kings. For, recollect, it is only by God's blessing that she becomes a mother; for such is the present state of society that many very worthy married people have not the privilege of offspring, although they are intensely fond of children and seem to have no other earthly want. They may, nevertheless, be very useful, and therefore happy, in a different sphere, by the adoption of nephews and nieces or in some similar way.

AT THE BIRTH OF HER FIRST CHILD

there is opened in the mother's heart a new well of love, such as she had not known before; and although she may fancy that this is all spent upon her babe, it is not so, for she loves her God, her husband, and everybody else better than ever. The father, too, is similarly affected; he also has a warmer love for his wife and for all his connections.

A similar idea is well expressed by Moehler, a German writer, who says: "The power of selfishness, which is inwoven with our whole being, is altogether broken by marriage, and by degrees love, becoming more and more pure, takes its place." When a man marries he gives himself up entirely to another being; in this affair of life he first goes out of himself, and inflicts the first deadly wound on his egotism. By every child with which his marriage is blessed, nature renews the same attack on his selfhood, causes him to live less for himself, and more—even without being distinctly conscious of it—for others; his heart expands in proportion as the claimants upon it increase, and, bursting the bonds of its former narrow exclusiveness, it eventually extends its sympathies to all around.

Whenever a mother is supplying her baby with the food which God has so wisely provided for it, or is ministering to any other of its numerous and increasing wants, she may feel that everything she does for it is pleasing to her Heavenly Father and has its immediate reward in the delight she experiences in the act.

I can fancy that when a mother has washed her baby, and before she dresses it has a good romp with it, smothering it with kisses, calling it all the beauties and darlings and pets and jewels she can think of, and talking any amount of nonsense at the top of her voice—the baby all the while cooing, chirping, or even screaming with delight—at such a time, I say, I can easily fancy that the angels are looking on approvingly and enjoying the scene. And why not? "Of such is the kingdom of heaven."

From the time that an infant first becomes conscious of its wants, and long afterwards, it looks to its mother to supply them all, fully believing her able to do so. She is, in fact, in place of God to it, and it would be well for many of us if we trusted our Heavenly Father as simply and as fully as the infant does its earthly mother.

Those who know no better, when they see a mother patiently watching her sleeping babe, might wonder that she does not feel the want of company. She has, however, company that they know not of, and of which even she herself may not be conscious. If only our eyes were open, we might see that she is not the only one that is so engaged—that angels are also occupied in watching the babe and in supporting her. I entirely agree with Dr. Watts, where, in his "Cradle Hymn," he makes the mother say:

"Hush! my babe, lie still and slumber, Holy angels guard thy bed."

You probably know the beautiful Irish superstition that when a baby smiles in its sleep the angels are whispering to it.

"Before I became a father, I took little or no interest in babies; I rather thought them troublesome things. But the arrival of one of my own wrought a great change in me. It enlarged at once my views and my heart, and I had higher and stronger motives to exertion. My interest in them has not yet begun to weaken, and I have no reason to think it ever will."

Girls are differently constituted from boys. God makes the intellect predominate in males, and affection in females. Accordingly, a little girl early shows a love for a doll, regarding it quite as her baby and never taking into account that it is not alive. She has many of a mother's cares and anxieties, as well as pleasures, about it; indeed, as many as she is then capable of. It is a constant source of amusement and employment to her. In all this we may plainly see the hand of Providence. It forms a suitable introduction to some of the interesting and important duties which will devolve on her if it should be His good pleasure for her to become a mother.

You will, I dare say, readily see the object I now have in view. It is that I wish to impress on you how desirable it is that you should take every opportunity of becoming acquainted with the habits and wants of babies, and the best way of managing them. The more you have to do with them the more you will like the labors, and the easier and more delightful it will become. It is fair that, before you have children of your own, you should get your knowledge as to the management of them by experience with other people's. I take it for granted you will at all times do your best for them. You will then have but little cause to fear accident; and if accident should happen, as with all your care it sometimes will, you will have more confidence in your powers, and will be more likely to do what is best at the moment, than if you were unused to children. Much of the disease and early death that happens among children arises from the ignorance of the mothers, who, however, are much more to be pitied than blamed in the matter. They had never been taught their duties toward their future offspring.

Few mothers are, perhaps, sufficiently aware of the great influence which their manners, habits, and conversation have upon the tender minds of their children, even from birth. The child should grow up with a feeling of reverence for its parents, which can only be the case when wisdom, as well as affection, is exercised in its bringing up. Hence the necessity of the mother fitting herself, both intellectually and morally, for her sacred office, that the child may become accustomed to yield perfect obedience to her wishes, from a principle of love, and may acquire, as it advances in life, the habit of yielding a like obedience to that which is right.

As you well know that you are not perfect yourself, you must be prepared to find that your husband has also his imperfections, and it is no unimportant part of your duty to help him to get rid of them. Indeed, it is one of the highest uses of marriage for each partner to assist the other on the journey to the heavenly Canaan. But before you attempt to point out a fault in him, consider how you had best proceed so as to attain your object; for unless you adopt a judicious mode, and an affectionate as well as earnest manner, you may do as much harm as good. You must also carefully watch your opportunity; for what would be favorably received at one time and under certain circumstances, might under other circumstances give offence and altogether fail of the good effect intended and hoped for. You do not know how powerful you may be for good to your husband. There is much truth in the saying, "A man is what a woman makes him."

Previous to your marriage it will be expedient for you not to give your lover that full and unlimited confidence which it will be your duty—and your inclination, too—to give him when he becomes your husband. I refer chiefly to family and other private matters, not to anything he ought to know to enable him to judge of your character and position. Many unhappy marriages have been brought about through the young woman letting it be known that she has "great expectations." A worthless fellow may, in consequence, have succeeded in winning her hand.

There is another point to which I must just allude before concluding this address. It is doubtless the order of Providence for marriage to take place, when possible, on our arriving at years of maturity. But I would guard you against the evil results of too early marriage, before either body or mind is perfectly matured. We scarcely need consult either medical or moral science to satisfy ourselves on this by no means trifling point. We may find in society too many sad instances of such immature and indiscreet unions. The minds of young persons should be expanded by a certain amount of experience in the world before entering upon engagements involving so many momentous duties.

In your daily walks abroad, if you examine the countenances of those you meet, you will doubtless be led to conclude that there is a great deal of disease and misery in the world; but judging from my own observation, I think you will find that the greater number of persons exhibit signs of health and happiness. Much of the disease, and misery with which the world is afflicted is the direct result of the misconduct of the individuals themselves; but no little of it is attributable to their parents, who have neglected or violated God's laws of health, their misconduct thus affecting their descendants to the "third and fourth generation." I cannot, therefore, too much impress upon you the importance of your honestly trying to find out any bad habits to which you are inclined, with a view to getting rid of them, one by one, and supplying their place by good habits. By pursuing this course you will not only do much for your own happiness, but also for that of your children, if God should bless you with a family. Children, you know, are often striking likenesses of their parents, and in their minds and habits they likewise often resemble them. You should strive, then, to be good—not from mere self-love and that you may get to heaven, but because your duty to others requires it.

Earl Granville, when laying the foundation-stone of the Alexandria Orphanage, in England, thus expressed himself in reference to the great value of children: "Few will deny that a child is 'an inestimable loan,' as it has been called, or refuse to acknowledge, with one of our greatest poets, that the world would be a somewhat melancholy one if there were no children to gladden it." Children, more than any other earthly thing, equalize the conditions of society—to rich and poor they bring an interest, a pleasure, and an elevation which nothing else that is earthly does.

Now, young people, before they think of engaging themselves, should clearly know each other's peculiar views of religion; because if they differ seriously on this point there is danger of it interfering with that full confidence which is so essential to happiness.



CHAPTER IV.

LOVE AND MARRIAGE.

The attraction of the sexes for each other, though based upon the dual principle of generation which pervades the living world and which has its analogies in the attractive forces of matter, yet pervades the whole being.

LOVE IS NOT MERELY

the instinctive desire of physical union, which has for its object the continuation of the species—it belongs to the mind as well as to the body. It warms, invigorates, and elevates every sentiment, every feeling; and in its highest, purest, most diffusive form unites us to God and all creatures in Him.

ALL LOVE IS

essentially the same, but modified according to its objects and by the character of the one who loves. The love of children for their parents, of parents for offspring, brotherly and sisterly love, the love of friendship, of charity, and the fervor of religious love, are modifications of the same sentiment—the attraction that draws us to our kindred, our kind; that binds together all races and humanity itself, resting on the fatherhood of God and the brotherhood of man. It is but natural that this love should vary in degrees. Attractions are proportional to proximity. Family is nearer than country; we prefer our own nation to the rest of the race.

Each individual has, also, his own special attractions and repulsions. There is love at first sight and friendship at first sight. We feel some persons pleasant to us; to be near them is a delight. Generally such feelings are mutual—like flows to like, or as often, perhaps, differences fit into each other. We seek sympathy with our own tastes and habits, or we find in others what we lack. Thus the weak rest upon the strong, the timid are fond of the courageous, the reckless seek guidance of the prudent, and so on. The sentiment of

LOVE FOR THE OPPOSITE SEX

—tender, romantic, passionate—begins very early in life. Fathers and daughters, mothers and sons, have a special fondness for each other, as, also, have brothers and sisters; but the boy soon comes to admire someone, generally older than himself, who is not a relation. Very little girls find a hero in some friend of an elder brother.

FONDNESS FOR COUSINS

generally comes more from opportunity than natural attraction, though a cousin may have very little appearance of family relation. The law appears to be that free choice seeks the diverse and distant. A stranger has always a better chance with the young ladies of any district than the young men with whom they have always been acquainted. Savages seek their wives out of their own tribe.

It is my belief that naturally (I mean in a state of pure and unperverted nature, but developed cultivated, and refined by education) every man loves womanhood itself, and all women so far as they approximate to his ideal; and that in the same way every woman loves manhood, and is attracted and charmed by all its gentle, noble, and heroic manifestations. By such a man, every woman he meets is reverenced as a mother, sister, daughter, or, it may be, cherished in a more tender relation, which should be at first, and may always remain, free from any sensual desire. Such love may have many objects, each attracting the kind and degree of affection which it is able to inspire. Such love of men for women, and women for men, may be free and will be free just in the degree in which it is freed from the bondage of sensual passion.

SUCH LOVE HAS A DIRECT TENDENCY

to raise men above the control of their senses. The more of such love one has and the more it is diffused, the less the liability to sink into the lower and disorderly loves of the sensual life.

The idea that every attraction, every attachment, every love between the sexes must lead to marriage—that no love can be tolerated but with that end in view—is a very false and mischievous one. It deprives men and women of the strength and happiness they might have in pure friendships and pure loves, and it leads to a multitude of false and bad marriages. Two persons are drawn together by strong attractions and tender sentiments for each other who have no more right to be married than if they were brother and sister, but who have the same right to love each other. But their true sentiments for each other, and consequent relation to each other, are not understood by those around them and perhaps not by themselves. They are urged by the misapprehension of others, by their expectation, by ignorant gossip, by the prejudice of society, based upon low and sensual estimates of life, to marry; they find that they must either marry or lose the happiness they have in each other's society, and they make the irrevocable mistake.

When it is understood that there are

OTHER LOVES

than that of marriage; when the special attraction that justifies union for life, and the begetting of offspring, is discriminated from all the other attractions that may bring two souls into very near and tender relations to each other, there will be more happiness in the world and fewer incomplete, imperfect, and, therefore, more or less unhappy, marriages. Nothing can be more detestable than that playing with fire which goes by the name of

FLIRTATION;

but there are men and women who have the happiness of living and of being tenderly and devotedly loved by persons of the opposite sex—loved purely, nobly, happily—without injury and with great good. When such loves are accompanied by perfect trust in the goodness, purity, truth, and honor of the beloved, there can be no jealousy, no desire for selfish absorption, no fear of deprivation of any right. There is no reason why a husband or a wife should limit the range of pure and spiritual affection to near relatives.

THE MAN WHO CAN LOVE

a sister as sisters are often loved, may love in the same way, or as purely, any woman who might be his sister. As men and women learn to purify their lives, the world will grow more tolerant and love will become more universal. The tender and fervent exhortations to mutual love to be found in the Gospels and Epistles of the New Testament are now almost without a meaning. But they had a meaning to those to whom they were addressed, and when we are better Christians, and bring our lives to the purity of Christian morality, they will have a meaning to us and we shall learn that, in a sense we have not dreamed of, God is Love.

IN THE HUMAN RACE ALL CIRCUMSTANCES POINT TO MONOGAMY

as the lawful or natural condition. Males and females are born in almost equal numbers. If there are two or three per cent. more of males than females, the risks of life with males soon make the number even. Therefore, as a rule, no man can have more than one wife without robbing his neighbor.

Polygamy is therefore a manifest injustice, and may become the most grievous of all monopolies.

Children are the most helpless of all young creatures and require the care of parents for the longest period. The care of a husband for his wife, and of a father for his child, is an evident necessity. The proper care and education of a single child should extend over at least fifteen years, and that of a family may reach to thirty years, or throughout the greatest part of an ordinary life. During all periods of pregnancy, childbearing, nursing, and the education and care of a family, every woman has a right to the sympathy, sustaining love, and constant aid of her husband. No man has a right to desert or leave helpless, or even dependent upon others, except in extraordinary cases, the mother of his children.

Marriage, like celibacy, should be a matter of vocation.

THE SPECIAL OBJECT OF MARRIAGE

is to have children; the co-operating motive is that two persons drawn to each other by a mutual affection may live helpfully and happily together. A selfish marriage, for its merely animal gratifications—a marriage in which strength, health, usefulness, often life itself, are sacrificed to sensuality and lust—is a desecration of a holy institution, and somewhat worse in its consequences than promiscuous profligacy, for the consequences of that may not fall upon one's children and posterity.

There are many persons who have no right to marry. There should be a kind and amount of love that will justify and sanctify such a relation. There should be a pure motive and the fixed intention of making the relation what it ought to be to husband, wife, and children. There should be a reasonable assurance of the power to provide for a family. There should be that amount of health, that freedom from bodily and mental disease, that physical and moral constitution which will give a reasonable prospect of children whose lives will be a blessing to themselves and to society.

When there is deformity of body, or an unhappy peculiarity of temper or mind liable to be inherited, people should not marry, or if they live together, should resign the uses of marriage. People should conscientiously refrain from propagating hereditary diseases. Persons near of kin are wisely forbidden to marry, for there is in such cases the liability of imperfect generation—the production of blind, deaf, idiotic or insane offspring.

SHOULD MARRIAGE BE FOR LIFE?

As a rule, undoubtedly. Every real, proper, true marriage must be. It takes a lifetime for a husband and wife to make a home and rear and educate and provide for a family of children. But what if people make mistakes and find that they are not suitably married? These are mistakes very difficult to remedy. If a man, after deliberately making his choice of a woman, ceases to love her, how can he honorably withdraw from his relation to her, and enter upon another,

WHEN SHE STILL LOVES HIM,

and is ready to fulfill her part of the contract? Laws cannot very well provide for mistakes. If the distaste for each other be mutual, and both parties desire to separate, a separation may of course be permitted; but it is a serious question whether two such persons can go into the world and find new partners, with justice to the rest. The law which permits of no divorce certainly bears hard upon individual cases; but if it leads to greater seriousness and care in forming such relations, it may be, on the whole, the best thing for society that it should be strictly observed.



CHAPTER V.

WHEN TO MARRY—HOW TO SELECT A PARTNER ON RIGHT PRINCIPLES.

The proper age to marry is a somewhat vexed question, but needlessly so, because that age varies much, according to temperament and other circumstances relating to the individual. Although after puberty the sexual organs are capable of reproduction, yet it by no means follows that they should be used for that purpose. Their early activity is intended for the perfection of the body and mind, and not for the continuation of the species.

VERY EARLY MARRIAGE,

therefore, should be avoided, because the nervous force expended in amative indulgence is imperatively required in both sexes for developing the physical and mental faculties. The zoosperms produced by the male in the first years of puberty are inferior in power and less capable of producing healthy offspring than those of mature years. The early germs, also, of the female are less fitted for fecundation than those that appear later in life; nature evidently intending these early efforts to be used on the individuals themselves in building up their bodies, strengthening their minds, and preparing them to reproduce their species in maturer years. There is a serious day of reckoning for early indulgence; for precocious persons (unless their constitutions are as powerful as their desires) who give way to their passions at their first exactions, barter their youth for their enjoyment, and are old and weary of the world at an age when people of more moderate habits are only in the meridian of pleasure and existence.

GENERALLY THE BEST AGE TO MARRY,

where the health is perfect, is from twenty-one to twenty-five in the male and from eighteen to twenty-one in the female. As a general rule, marriages earlier than this are injurious and detrimental to health. Men who marry too young, unless they are of cold and phlegmatic constitution, and thus moderate in their conduct, become partially bald, dim of sight, and lose all elasticity of limb in a few years; while women in a like position rarely have any bloom on their cheek or fire in their eye by the time they are twenty-five. And all profound physiologists agree that from the same cause the mental faculties suffer in the same ratio.

A medium, however, is to be observed. It is not well to defer till middle age the period of connubial intercourse; for too tedious spinsterhood is as much calculated to hasten the decay of beauty as too early a marriage. Hence, there is rarely any freshness to be seen in a maiden of thirty; while the matron of that age, if her life has been a happy one, and her hymeneal condition of not more than ten years' standing, is scarcely in the heyday of her charm's. And the same rule will apply with equal force to the other sex; for, after the first prime of life, bachelors decay and grow old much faster than married men.

The rich are qualified for marriage before the poor. This is owing to the superiority of their aliment; for very nutritious food, and the constant use of wines, coffee, etc., greatly assists in developing the organs of reproduction; whereas the food generally made use of among the peasantry of most countries—as vegetables, corn, milk, etc.—retards their growth. Owing to this difference of diet, the daughter of a man of wealth, who keeps a good table, will be as adequate to certain duties of married life at eighteen as the daughter of a humble peasant at twenty-one. Singular as it may seem, it is none the less true, that love novels, amorous conversations, playing parlor games for kisses, voluptuous pictures, waltzing, and, in fact, all things having a tendency to create desire, assist in promoting puberty and preparing young persons for early marriage. Those who reach this estate, however, by artificial means and much before the natural period will have to suffer for it in after life.

The female who marries before the completion of her womanhood—that is, before her puberty is established—will cease to grow and probably become pale and delicate, the more especially if she become pregnant soon after marriage. A person who is thus circumstanced will also be liable to abortions and painful deliveries.

MARRIAGE, UNLESS

under very peculiar circumstances, should not take place until two or three years after the age of puberty. Many instances could be cited of the injurious effects resulting from not observing this rule. The case of the son of Napoleon I. is a notable instance, who, at the age of fifteen or sixteen, began his career of sexual indulgence, which ended his life at the early age of twenty-one years. He was an amiable, inoffensive, and studious youth, beloved by his grandfather and the whole Austrian court; and though the son of the most energetic man that modern times has produced, yet, from his effeminate life, he scarcely attracted the least public attention.

Let me, therefore, advise the male reader to keep his desires in leading-strings until he is at least twenty-one, and the female not to enter the pale of wedlock until she is past her eighteenth year; but after these periods marriage is their proper sphere of action, and one in which they must play a part or suffer actual pain as well as the loss of one of the greatest of earthly pleasures.

MARRIAGES ARE MOST HAPPY

and most productive of handsome and healthy offspring when the husband and wife differ, not only in mental conformation, but in bodily construction. A melancholy man should mate himself with a sprightly woman, and vice versa; for otherwise they will soon grow weary of the monotony of each other's company. By the same rule should the choleric and the patient be united, and the ambitious and the humble; for the opposites of their natures not only produce pleasurable excitement, but each keeps the other in a wholesome check. In the size and form of the parties the same principles hold good. Tall women are not the ideals of beauty to tall men; and if they marry such, they will soon begin to imagine greater perfections in other forms than in those of their own wives. And this is well ordered by nature to prevent the disagreeable results which are almost certain to grow out of unions where the parties have a strong resemblance.

For instance, tall parents will probably have children taller than either, and mental imbecility is the usual attendant of extreme size. The union of persons prone to corpulency, of dwarfs, etc., would have parallel results; and so, likewise, of weakly and attenuated couples. The tall should marry the short, the corpulent the lean, the choleric the gentle, and so on, and the tendency to extremes in the parents will be corrected in the offspring.

Apart from these considerations, there are reasons why persons of the same disposition should not be united and wedlock. An amiable wife to a choleric man is like oil to troubled waters; an ill-tempered one will make his life a misery and his home a hell. The man of studious habits should marry a woman of sense and spirit rather than of erudition, or the union will increase the monotony of his existence, which it would be well for his health and spirits to correct by a little conjugal excitement; and the man of gloomy temperament will find the greatest relief from the dark forebodings of his mind in the society of a gentle, but lively and smiling partner.

However, in some particulars the dispositions and constructions of

MARRIED PEOPLE MUST ASSIMILATE

or they will have but few enjoyments in common. The man of full habits and warm nature had better remain single than unite his destinies with a woman whose heart repulses the soft advancements of love; and the sanguine female in whose soul love is the dominant principle should avoid marriage with a very phlegmatic person, or her caresses, instead of being returned in kind, will rather excite feelings of disgust. Thus the discriminations to be made in the choice of a partner are extremely nice.

Nature generally assists art in the choice of partners. We instinctively seek in the object of our desires the qualities which we do not possess ourselves. This is a most admirable arrangement of Providence, as it establishes an equilibrium and prevents people from tending to extremes; for it is known that unions of dwarfs are fruitful of dwarfs, that giants proceed from the embrace of giants, and that offspring of parents alike irritable, alike passive, alike bashful, etc., inherit the prominent qualities of both to such a degree as to seriously interfere with their prospects in the world.

It has another advantage. Through its means "Every eye forms its own beauty"; hence, what one person rejects is the beau ideal of another's conceptions, and thus we are all provided for.

In fine, with man as with animals, the best way to improve the breed is to cross it, for the intermarriage of like with like and relative with relative not only causes man to degenerate, but if the system became universal would in time bring the human race to a termination altogether.

A male or female with a very low forehead should carefully avoid marriage with a person of like conformation, or their offspring will, in all probability, be weak-minded or victims to partial idiocy.

The system of crossing is so perfect that marriages between persons of different countries are likely to be pleasant and fruitful. Speaking on this subject, an English writer says: "The Persians have been so improved by introducing foreigners that they have completely succeeded in washing out their Mongolian origin." And the same author adds to the effect that in those parts of Persia where there is no foreign intercourse the inhabitants are sickly and stunted, while in those that are frequented by strangers they are large and healthy.

To make what is called

"A HANDSOME COUPLE,"

the female should be about three inches less than the male, and the parties should be proportionately developed throughout their system.

"A WELL-FORMED WOMAN,"

says a modern physiologist, "should have her head, shoulders, and chest small and compact; arms and limbs relatively short; her haunches apart; her hips elevated; her abdomen large and her thighs voluminous. Hence, she should taper from the center, up and down. Whereas, in a well-formed man the shoulders are more prominent than the hips. Great hollowness of the back, the pressing of the thigh against each other in walking, and the elevation of one hip above the other, are indications of the malformation of the pelvis."

From the same writer I take the following, which is applicable here. It is very correct in its estimates of beauty in both sexes:—

"The length of the neck should be proportionately less in the male than in the female, because the dependence of the mental system on the vital one is naturally connected with the shorter courses of the vessels of the neck.

"The neck should form a gradual transition between the body and head—its fullness concealing all prominences of the throat.

"The shoulders should slope from the lower part of the neck, because the reverse shows that the upper part of the chest owes its width to the bones and muscles of the shoulders.

"The upper part of the chest should be relatively short and wide, independent of the size of the shoulders, for this shows the vital organs which it contains are sufficiently developed.

"The waist should taper a little farther than the middle of the trunk, and be marked, especially in the back and loins, by the approximation of the hips.

"The waist should be narrower than the upper part of the trunk and its muscles, because the reverse indicates the expansion of the stomach, liver, and great intestine, resulting from their excessive use.

"The back of woman should be more hollow than that of man; for otherwise the pelvis is not of sufficient depth for parturition.

"Women should have more extended loins than men, at the expense of the superior and inferior parts, for this conformation is essential to gestation.

"The abdomen should be larger in woman than in man, for the same reason.

"Over all these parts the cellular tissue, and the plumpness connected with it, should obliterate all distinct projection of muscles.

"The surface of the whole female form should be characterized by its softness, elasticity, smoothness, delicacy, and polish, and by the gradual and easy transition between the parts.

"The moderate plumpness already described should bestow on the organs of woman great suppleness. Plumpness is essential to beauty, especially in mothers, because in them the abdomen necessarily expands, and would afterwards collapse and become wrinkled.

"An excess of plumpness, however, is to be guarded against. Young women who are very fat are cold and prone to barrenness.

"In no case should plumpness be so predominant as to destroy the distinctness of parts."

A male and female formed on the above models would be well matched and have fine children.



CHAPTER VI.

SEXUAL INTERCOURSE—ITS LAWS AND CONDITIONS—ITS USE AND ABUSE.

There is an increasing and alarming prevalence of nervous ailments and complicated disorders that could be traced to have their sole origin from this source. Hypochondria, in its various phases, results from the premature and unnatural waste of the seminal fluid. Then speedily ensues a lack of natural heat, a deficiency of vital power, and consequently indigestion, melancholy, languor, and dejection ensue; the victim becomes enervated and spiritless, loses the very attributes of man, and premature old age soon follows.

IT IS A PREVALENT ERROR

that it is necessary for the semen to be ejected at certain times from the body; that its retention is incompatible with sound health and vigor of body and mind. This is a very fallacious idea. The seminal fluid is too precious—nature bestows too much care in its elaboration for it to be wasted in this unproductive manner. It is intended, when not used for the purpose of procreation, to be reabsorbed again into the system, giving vigor of body, elasticity and strength to the mind, making the individual strong, active, and self-reliant. When kept as nature intended, it is a perpetual fountain of life and energy—a vital force which acts in every direction, a motive power which infuses manhood into every organ of the brain and every fiber of the body.

THE LAW OF SEXUAL MORALITY

for childhood is one of utter negation of sex. Every child should be kept pure and free from amative excitement and the least amative indulgence, which is unnatural and doubly hurtful. No language is strong enough to express the evils of amative excitement and unnatural indulgence before the age of puberty; and the dangers are so great that I see no way so safe as

THOROUGH INSTRUCTION

regarding them at the earliest age. A child may be taught, simply as a matter of science, as one learns botany, all that is needful to know, and such knowledge may protect it from the most terrible evils.

The law for childhood is perfect purity, which cannot be too carefully guarded and protected by parents, teachers, and all caretakers. The law for youth is perfect continence—a pure vestalate alike in both sexes. No indulgence is required by one more than the other—for both nature has made the same provision. The natures of both are alike, and any—the least—exercise of the amative function is an injury to one as to the other.

MEN EXPECT

that women shall come to them in marriage chaste and pure from the least defilement. Women have a right to expect the same of their husbands. Here the sexes are upon a perfect equality.

On this subject, Dr. Carpenter (physiological works) has written like a man of true science, and, therefore, of true morality. He lays it down as an axiom that the development of the individual and the reproduction of the species stand in an inverse ratio to each other. He says: "The augmented development of the generative organs at puberty can only be rightly regarded as preparatory to the exercise of the organs. The development of the individual must be completed before the procreative power can properly be exercised for the continuance of the race." And in the following extract from his "Principles of Human Physiology," he confirms my statement respecting the unscientific and libertine advice of too many physicians: "The author would say to those of his younger readers who urge the wants of nature as an excuse for the illicit gratification of the sexual passions, 'try the effects of close mental application to some of those ennobling pursuits to which your profession introduces you, in combination with vigorous bodily exercise, before you assert that appetite is unrestrainable and act upon that assertion.' Nothing tends so much to increase the desire as the continual direction of the mind toward the objects of its gratification, whilst nothing so effectually represses it as a determined exercise of the mental faculties upon other objects and the expenditure of nervous energy in other channels. Some works which have issued from the medical press contain much that is calculated to excite, rather than to repress, the propensity; and the advice sometimes given by practitioners to their patients is immoral as well as unscientific."

EVERY MAN AND EVERY WOMAN,

living simply, purely, and temperately—respecting the laws of health in regard to air, food, dress, exercise, and habits of life—not only can live in the continence of a pure virgin life when single, and in the chastity which should be observed by all married partners, but be stronger, happier, and in every way better by so living.

Chastity is the conservation of life, and the consecration of its forces to the highest use. Sensuality is the waste of life, and the degradation of its forces to pleasure divorced from use. Chastity is life; sensuality is death.

FROM THE AGE OF PUBERTY TO MARRIAGE

the law, is the same for both sexes—full employment of mind and body, temperance, purity, and perfect chastity in thought, word, and deed. The law is one of perfect equality. There is no license for the male which is not equally the right of the female. There is no physiological ground for any indulgence in one case more than in the other. No man has any more right to require or expect purity in the woman who is to be his wife than the woman has to require and expect purity in her husband. It is a simple matter of justice and right. No man can enter upon an amative relation with a woman, except in marriage, without manifest injustice to his future wife, unless he allow her the same liberty; and also without a great wrong to the woman, and to her possible husband.

It is contended that the sins of men against chastity are more venial than those of women, because of the liability of women to have children. But men are also liable to be the fathers of children, who are deeply wronged by the absence of paternal care. The child has its rights, and every child has the right to be born in honest, respectable wedlock, of parents able to give it a sound constitution and the nurture and education it requires. The child who lacks these conditions is grievously wronged by both father and mother.

THE LAW OF MARRIAGE

is, that a mature man and woman, with sound health, pure lives, and a reasonable prospect of comfortably educating a family, when drawn to each other by the attraction of mutual love, should chastely and temperately unite for offspring. The sexual relation has this chief and controlling purpose. The law of nature is intercourse for reproduction. Under the Christian law, marriage is the symbol of the union of Christ with the Church; husband and wife are one in the Lord; they are to live in marriage chastity, not in lust and uncleanness; and there cannot be a more hideous violation of Christian morals than for a husband to vent his sensuality upon a feeble wife; against her wishes and when she has no desire for offspring and no power to give them the healthy constitutions and maternal care which is their right.

The law of Christian morality is very clear. It is the sexual union first and chiefly for its principal object. It is for the husband to refrain from it whenever it is not desired; whenever it would be hurtful to either; whenever it would be a waste of life; whenever it would injure mother or child, as during pregnancy and lactation.

A MAN WHO TRULY LOVES A WOMAN

must respect and reverence her, and cannot make her the victim of his inordinate and unbridled, selfish and sensual nature. He will be ever, from the first moment of joyful possession to the last of his life, tender, delicate, considerate, deferent, yielding to her slightest wishes in the domain of love, and never encroaching, never trespassing upon, never victimizing the wife of his bosom and the mother of his babes. We have romance before marriage, we want more chivalry in marriage.

This is not the world's morality, yet it seems to one the world must respect it. This, high and pure Christian morality is not always enforced by Christian ministers, some of whom yield too much to human sensuality and depravity, instead of maintaining the higher law of Christian purity, which is but nature restored or freed from its stains of sin. The world requires that unmarried women should be chaste, while it gives almost unbridled license to men. A girl detected in amours is disgraced and often made an outcast. In young men such irregularities are freely tolerated. They are "a little wild"; they "sow their wild oats"; but open profligacy, the seduction of innocence, the ruin of poor girls, adultery, harlotry and its diseases do not hinder men from marrying, nor from requiring that those they marry should have spotless reputations. It is not for a moment permitted that women in these matters should behave like men, and a pure girl is given to the arms of a wasted debauchee, and her babes are perhaps born dead, or suffer through life with syphilitic diseases, while she endures a long martyrdom from disordered, diseased, and unrestrained sensuality. For the unmarried, young men, soldiers, sailors, and all who do not choose to bear the burdens of a family, society has its armies of prostitutes—women like others, and more than others, or in less reputable fashion, the victims of the unbridled lust of men. They are everywhere tolerated as

"NECESSARY EVILS,"

and, in some places, protected or regulated; and, from economical or philanthropic considerations, or both, combined efforts are made to free them from the contagious diseases which for some centuries have been a curse attending this form of the violation of the laws of nature—one of the consequences of lust which is the divorce of the sexual instinct from its natural use and purpose.

The Christian

LAW OF MARRIAGE,

as set down in the Holy Scriptures, and defined by the best writers on moral theology, is in harmony with nature, in consonance with the higher nature of man. "God hath set the earth in families." Adultery is a sin, because it disorders that divine arrangement. Fornication is a sin, because it prevents pure marriages. Prostitution is a sin, because it is a sacrifice of women, who might be wives and mothers, to the selfish lusts of men. All useless indulgence is a waste of life, and a kind of suicide. In a pure marriage union, men and women unite themselves with God in acts of creative power. The progress of humanity depends upon individual development and the conditions at generation and gestation. With culture and a harmonized development, we acquire a higher and more integral life. When two parents are in their highest condition and in

A TRUE UNION

with each other, the child combines the best qualities of both parents. When parents are not in the unity of a mutual love, the child may be inferior to either parent. The intensity of mutual love tends to the reproduction of the best faculties of both parents in the child. When men or women are exhausted or diseased the race deteriorates. Health is therefore one of the conditions of progress.

"It is all very fine," I shall be told, "to talk of purity and chastity; but we must take men as they are. How are you going to make men pure and chaste, and respectful of the purity of women? How can you get men with strong amative propensities to live like anchorites?"

How can you get men to do anything right, or refrain from any wrong thing? There are three motives—fear of punishment, hope of reward, and sense of right or the principle of duty. The first of these is the lowest, but often the most effectual; the second is higher, and appeals to hope and the love of happiness; the third, the highest of all motives, pure and unselfish as the love of truth, as in mathematics, acts on noble minds with great power. Men of real conscientiousness love the right for its own sake. They are just from love of justice; pure from a sense and love of purity. They love good, and God as the source of all good; and do right, not from fear or hope, but from pure love.

We must appeal to all motives. Men refrain from theft and other dishonest conduct from the dread of disgrace and punishment, because they see that "honesty is the best policy," and from a sense of justice and regard to the rights of property, or a sense of honor which makes a mean action impossible. By similar motives great numbers are restrained from drunkenness and other vices. Children are to be restrained from impurity by the fear of the terrible consequences of unnatural indulgence in causing disease and pain, by the hope of a pure, healthy and happy life of love in manhood and womanhood, and by a sense of the beauty and holiness of chastity and the sacredness of the functions by which the race is recreated and preserved. The religious feelings that our bodies are to be kept pure, healthy, and holy in every way as the temples of the Holy Ghost cannot be too early instilled into the infant mind, which is open to the highest sentiments of veneration, devotion, and heroic religion. In youth there are the same motives. Indulgence in solitary vice is self-destructive of all that youth most values—a profanation of his own body.

SEDUCTION

is a desecration of what he should hold in the most tender reverence. To the young man, womanhood should be sacred, and every woman, mother, sister, beloved of the present or the future, should never be wronged by one thought of impurity. In this matter instinct goes with right. The inward voice supports the outer law of morality. Before men can become bad, their instinctive modesty must be broken down. Unless very badly born, with disordered amativeness, hereditary from a diseased and lustful parentage, they must be perverted and corrupted before they can act immodestly and impurely.

WOMEN ARE PROTECTED

by a strong public sentiment around them. They have the dread of disgrace. For them to yield to their own affectionate desires, or the solicitations of a lover, is a fall, is ruin. They have the hope of a loving husband, a happy home, and the respect of society. And in woman passion has commonly less force, and the sentiment of modesty and purity more power. Women are weak in yielding to solicitation, giving

EVERYTHING FOR LOVE;

but we see how protective of female virtue are these motives to vast numbers.

Men can perfectly restrain the sensual part of their natures whenever they have a strong motive to do so. A child would be simply mad who was not controlled by the presence of father, mother, and persons he respected or feared. Young men have no difficulty when they are in the company of pure women. They are in no trouble when their lives are full of mental and muscular activity, and particularly if their habits of eating simply and temperately, of refraining from heating and exciting stimulants, and sleeping in cold beds and fresh air, are such as health requires. There needs but the strong will to live purely in any one, and at any age, the will that comes from the high motives of conscience and religion, or all motives combined. A strong sense of what is just and right controls even the motions of our bodies and actions which seem to be involuntary. A man who has a vivid sense of the right and duty of refraining from sensuality, and preserving his own purity of mind and body and the chastity of all women, will do so even in his dreams. When the will is right, all things are soon brought into its subjection. The mind controls the organization, and the life forces are directed into other channels. A strong man, full of

LIFE AND LOVE,

can safely hold a virgin in his arms, and respect her virginity, if he have but the motives and the will to do so. If he be pure in his will, how can he commit impurity? If a woman be sacred in his eyes, how can he profane her? It is not that men have not the power of restraint, the power to do right; it is that they lack the motive. They have lost the sense of right; they are even impelled to do wrong by the pressure of opinion around them. Boys and young men are driven into libertinage by the ridicule of their companions. Vice is considered manly. They seek sensuality in an evil emulation, as they learn to smoke, or gamble, or drink; and, later on, vanity has often more to do with excess than the force of lust. Young men seduce girls that they may boast of it. They keep mistresses because it is the fashion. They exhaust themselves because they wish to give a high idea of their manly powers. Even in marriage, women are injured and have their health destroyed by yielding weakly, or from

A FALSE SENSE OF DUTY,

to a husband whose own motive is the desire to acquit himself manfully in what he considers his marital duties. Men and women are, in thousands of cases, wretched victims to what they imagine to be the wants or expectations of each other. A man, ignorant of the nature of women and the laws of the generative function, goes on in a process of miserable exhaustion, to please his wife. She submits, sometimes in pain, often in disgust, weariness, and weakness, to what she dare not, from

LOVE OR FEAR,

refuse. Men have to know what is right and to will to be right. This will is omnipotent. God helps those who have the will, who have even the desire, to do right.

If the presence of those we fear or reverence, respect or love, restrain us from sin and stimulate us to right action, faith in the existence and presence of God and angels, and the spirits of the departed, must have a more powerful and pervading influence. No one who really believes in the existence of a Supreme Being, no one who is strongly impressed with the reality of a spiritual life, can go on doing what he knows to be wrong. A religious faith is therefore the most powerful of all restraints from evil and incitement to good.



CHAPTER VII.

MARRIAGE.

WHAT IS MARRIAGE?

Marriage is in law the conjugal union of man with woman, and is the only state in which cohabitation is considered proper and irreprehensible. The marriage relation exists in all Christian communities, and is considered the most solemn of contracts, and, excepting in Protestant countries, it is regarded as a sacrament. In some countries its celebration falls under the cognizance of ecclesiastical courts only, but in the United States it is regarded as merely a civil contract, magistrates having, equally with clergymen, the right to solemnize it, though it is usually the practice to have it performed by a clergyman and attended with religious ceremonies. Marriage, as a legalized custom, is of very ancient origin. It is doubtful whether even the primitive man was not governed in the intercourse of the sexes by some recognition of the union being confined to one chosen one. No greater promiscuity can certainly be supposed than occurs in the lower animals, where pairing is the law. The nobler animals, as the lion, elephant, etc., never have but one mate, and even in case of death do not remate. As men advanced, civil codes were inaugurated and certain protection given to the choice of the parties. The earliest civil code regulating marriage, of which we have any account, was that of Menes, who, Herodotus tells us, was the first of the Pharaohs, or native Egyptian kings, and who lived about 3,500 years before Christ. The nature of his code is not known.

The Biblical account extends further back, but it does not appear that any laws existed regulating marriage, but each one was allowed to choose his wife and concubines, and it is supposed that common consent respected the selection. Next, Moses gave laws for the government of marriage among the Israelites. The early Greeks followed the code of Cecrops, and the Romans were also governed in their marital relations by stringent laws. In fact, the necessity of some law regulating the intercourse between the sexes must have become very apparent to all nations or communities at a very early period. It certainly antedates any legal regulations with regard to the possession of property. It is very probable that every community did by common consent afford to each male one or more females, and the presumption is that such choice or assignment, as the case may have been, was respected by common agreement as inviolable. It is doubtful if ever promiscuity was the law or privilege with any community of men, even in their primitive state. The possession of reason is antagonistic to such a belief; and man was most probably elevated above the beast by the faculty of reason in this respect as in others. Promiscuous indulgence is always evidence of debauchery, and a departure from that natural course which is prompted by an innate sense of propriety characterizing mankind. The law is very indefinite with regard to what constitutes a legal marriage. It is an unsettled question, both in England and this country, whether a marriage solemnized by customary formalities alone is legal, or if one characterized by the mere consent of the parties is illegal. The latter has been held as legal in some instances in both countries. Kent, in his "Commentaries," lays down the law that a contract made so that either party recognizes it from the moment of contract, and even not followed by cohabitation, amounts to a valid marriage, and also that a contract to be recognized at some future period, and followed by consummation, is equally valid. It is unfortunate that the law is so undecided in this respect. The decisions arrived at, for or against, were not dependent upon any recognized law, but seem to be influenced by the character of the cases, either for favor or discountenance. As long as the law recognizes cohabitation legal only in marriage, it seems to me that if consummated under consent of the parties to bear marital relations with each other, or promise of marriage, the act should be unhesitatingly pronounced as the equivalent of a valid marriage in all instances. If cohabitation is only a marital prerogative, the law should not stultify itself by recognizing it as possible to occur in any other relation. If either of the parties is married, the law defines it as adultery, and very properly defines the punishment. It is necessary to the progress of the age that some such principle should be recognized in common law so as not to subject the decision of the question to the individual opinion of any judge. It would at once obviate the confusion of sentiment now held in regard to it and besides arrest the decision in test cases from mere caprice of the tribunal. It is certainly as correct a principle as any in common law, and would, in its operations as a statute law, be free from injustice, and capable of doing much good.

POLYGAMY—WHAT IT IS.

Polygamy is a state in which a man has at the same time more than one wife. It has existed from time immemorial, especially among the nations of the East. The custom was tolerated by the laws of Moses, and, in fact, no positive injunction against it is found in the whole of the Old Testament. It is questionable whether more than one was recognized as the bona fide wife, the others simply being wives by right of concubinage. But if polygamy was in its strictest sense the legal custom, it soon grew unpopular, for no trace of it is met in the records of the New Testament, where all the passages referring to marriage imply monogamy as alone lawful. The custom has been almost universal in the East, being sanctioned by all the religions existing there. The religion of Mohammed allows four wives, but the permission is rarely exercised except by the rich.

In Christian countries polygamy was never tolerated, the tenets of the Church forbidding it, though Charlemagne had two wives, and Sigbert and Chilperich also had a plurality. John of Leyden, an Anabaptist leader, was the husband of seventeen wives, and he held that it was his moral right to marry as many as he chose.

In England the punishment of polygamy was originally in the hands of the ecclesiastics. It was considered a capital crime by Edward I., but it did not come entirely under the control of the temporal power until a statute of James I. made it a felony, punishable by death. George III. made it punishable by imprisonment or transportation for seven years.

It is the offspring of licentiousness, and its advocates merely wish to give legal color to licentious habits. Every student of history will find that as soon as a nation became morally depraved, polygamy was practiced, and that monogamy was the rule in all countries truly civilized.

Polygamy has, of late years, been most shamefully revived and outrageously practiced in face of law by the Mormons. They claim it as a religious duty, and defend the system by claiming that unmarried women can in the future life reach only the position of angels who occupy in the Mormon theocratic system a very subordinate rank, being simply ministering servants to those more worthy, thus proclaiming that it is a virtual necessity of the male to practice the vilest immorality in order to advance the female to the highest place in heaven.

Mormonism is a religion founded by Joseph Smith, who was born in Sharon, E. V., Dec. 23rd, 1805, and killed at Carthage, Ill., June 27th, 1844.

It is a most singular fact that a sect like the Mormons could have been established in a country peopled with such law-abiding people as of the United States, and maintain a system of marriage, antagonistic to the law and religion of the land. Neither could they have done so if they had not possessed two great virtues, temperance and industry. It is to be hoped that the legal process now instituted for its abolition will effectually remove the blot from the national escutcheon.

The "Oneida Communists" are essentially polygamic, although they have no marriage system. They do not marry, and ignore all marriage codes. Cohabitation is under no restrictions between the sexes. Marriage is also not observed among the "Shakers."

MONOGAMY—WHAT IT IS.

This is the conjugal union of a male with one female only. We have seen that monogamy was coequal with civilization, and that most probably the majority of the males had but one wife, even among polygamic nations. Universal polygamy is practically impossible, the scarcity of females and the poverty of the males forbidding it. The excess of females is not so great in any country as to allow to each male more than one wife, except the male portion is depleted by long and disastrous wars. Monogamy has done more for the elevation of the female than any other custom of civilization. The rich could only afford to practice polygamy, and should the poor imitate the example it would necessarily subject the wives to a state of serfdom. In the economy of nature it is designed that the male should be the protector of the female, and that by his exertions the provision of food and raiment should be secured. In polygamous nations the female has not attained that social state that she has reached in countries where the male is entitled to but one female as his wife. Woman's highest sphere is not in the harem or zenana, but in that dignified state in which she is the sole connubial companion of but one man. It is debasing to her nature, and subversive of her dignity in the rank of humanity, to make her the equal only with others in the marital union with one male. She becomes only the true, noble and affectionate being when she is conscious of a superiority to others in the connubial companionship with her accepted one. The female bird chirps but for her single mate, and she is pugnaciously monogamic, as well as virtuous, allowing neither male or female at or near her home. The spirit of independence she gains by being the mate of but one male gains for her the victory over the intruders.

The physical and mental welfare of the female is also dependent upon monogamic marriage. We have demonstrated that temperate indulgence is conducive to the sanitary condition of the sexes, and that absolute abstinence is opposed to the designs of nature. It is also evident that the male is not endowed with greater power, vigor or capacity than the female; therefore, confinement or limitation of the congress to the companionship of one male with one female, as in monogamic marriage, gives the healthy balance to the marital union. The polygamic husband must either suffer from the consequences of excessive indulgence or his wives from poverty of sexual gratification; probably both would be the case.

POLYANDRY

is equally as proper as polygamy, yet it never in the history of man obtained a foothold. The system is more logical than polygamy, because the wife's dependence would be distributed between two or more husbands, in which case she would be better insured against poverty and her support would be guaranteed by greater probability.

We have now described the history and aspect of the two customs, and will conclude the subject by remarking that a man is morally and physically entitled to but one wife, and that a plurality is a great wrong to the female and in total opposition to the ordinance of nature. Wherever polygamy is the custom the female is held in slavish subjection. It only prospers in proportion to the ignorance of the sex. Intelligent and civilized woman will always rebel against such debasement and servitude.

MARRIAGE CUSTOMS.

It would probably be interesting to many to describe the marriage ceremonies observed by different nations, but to enter into a descriptive detail would occupy too much space. It is sufficient to say that while some wives are wooed and won, others are bought and sold; while in some countries the husband brings the wife to his home, in others, as in Formosa, the daughter brings her husband to her father's house, and he is considered one of the family, while the sons, upon marriage, leave the family forever. In civilized countries, the ceremonies are either ministerial or magisterial, and are more or less religious in character; while in others, less civilized, the gaining of a wife depends upon a foot-race, in which the female has the start of one-third the distance of the course, as is the custom in Lapland. In Caffraria, the lover must first fight himself into the affections of his ladylove, and if he defeats all his rivals she becomes his wife without further ceremony. Among the Congo tribes, a wife is taken upon trial for a year, and if not suited to the standard of taste of the husband, he returns her to her patents. In Persia, the wife's status depends upon her fruitfulness; if she be barren, she can be put aside. In the same country they have also permanent marriages and marriages for a certain period only—the latter never allowed to exceed ninety years.

In fact, the marriage ceremonies differ in nearly all countries. To us some may appear very absurd, and yet our customs may be just as amazing to them. It matters but little how a conjugal union is effected so long as sanctioned by law or custom and it obligates the parties, by common opinion, to observe the duties pertaining to married life.

THE BASIS OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE.

The state of conjugal union should be the happiest in the whole of the existence of either man or woman, and is such in a congenial marriage. Yet in the history of very many marriages contentment or happiness is palpably absent and an almost insufferable misery is the heritage of both parties. It is therefore important that previous to the marital union the parties should take everything into consideration that fore-shadows happiness after marriage, as well as everything calculated to despoil conjugal felicity.

The first requisite of congenial marriage is love. Without being cemented by this element the conjugal union is sure to be uncongenial. It is the strongest bond, the firmest cord, uniting two hearts inseparably together. Love for the opposite sex has always been a controlling influence with mankind. It is the most elevating of all the emotions and the purest and tenderest of all sentiments. It exerts a wonderful power, and by its influence the grandest human actions have been achieved. Of what infinite worth it is to either sex to be compensated with a worthy and satisfying love, and how ennobling to the impulses and actions it is to bestow the sentiment upon one worthy to receive and willing to return.

LOVE IS THE MAINSPRING

that regulates the harmony of conjugal life, and without it there is a void in the machinery, productive only of jars, convulsive movement, and a grating and inharmonious action. The soul yearns for love and to love, and unless the desire is compensated human life is a blank and becomes a purposeless existence. Love ever stimulates the good and suppresses the bad, if kept in a proper channel and guided by pure affections.

Another requisite of a happy marriage is health. No person has a moral right to engage in wedlock who cannot bring to his partner the offering of good health.

Another consideration is evenness of temper. In the wooing days everyone is a lamb, and only becomes the howling wolf after marriage. Circumstances that ruffle the temper in the presence of the intended are but like the harmless squib, but would become like the explosive torpedo in his or her absence or in after-marriage. Quarreling caused by matrimonial differences is the most frequent cause of infelicity, and most of it is caused by an innate irate temper of either husband or wife.

The tastes should not be dissimilar. Some of them may be unimportant, but others are a fruitful source of disagreement. The social wife will never be contented with the unsocial husband, and the gay husband, though his gayety may not be commendable, will always accuse his wife if she lacks a social disposition to a great extent. The religious wife will never excuse a tendency to irreligion in her husband, and though he may be far from being immoral, she is unhappy if he does not participate in her devotions. The one devoted to children will never be happy with one having a natural repugnance for them. In this way we might multiply facts illustrative of the importance of an investigation into the similarity of taste previous to marriage. Great love, however, overcomes almost every obstacle.

THE PARTIES SHOULD BE NEARLY OF ONE AGE.

The husband should be the elder. The union of the old husband to the young wife, or the reverse, is seldom a happy one. It is seldom that such a marriage occurs in which the incentive is not the wealth of either of the parties.

Marriages are usually contracted to gratify various desires, as love, fortune or position. The results are more truthfully stated by an eminent divine in the following:

"Who marries for love, takes a wife; who marries for fortune, takes a mistress; who marries for position, takes a lady."

To a man there is but one choice that he can rationally make, a marriage of love. My female readers, I hope, will decide rather to wed a husband than the master or the elegant gentleman.

A little foresight, a little prudence, and a little caution will prevent in most cases the entrance into a marriage which, by the very nature of the alliance, is certain to be an unhappy and improper one.