Chapter 28

A STORMY SEASON

One day Austin sat in his room in deep and troubled thought. It had been many months since such a burden lay on his heart. He was perplexed as well as troubled. That there must be a way out of his trial he knew, but where to find it was his problem. There had been many times in his life when he had longed for some older and wiser one than himself to guide him and his family through the rocks that threatened the little bark, but never did he feel that lack as now. The very foundations of his home were at stake.

Every home must have its breadwinner and its home-maker. Ever since that day on which Nell had made her promise to stand by him and do her best, she had filled the place of home-maker to his satisfaction. There had been times when she had grown restless with the confinement of it, and he had arranged for her to be relieved or to have a change of employment for a time; but always she had come back with renewed love and zeal for her home. He had expected her always to be so.

Austin was young in years, but his struggle with the real problems of life had developed his nature until he thought and felt as a man ten years older. In his mind his home was a permanent thing. There was, for him, to be no leaving of the old home and going out to make a new one. This was his home in as strong a sense as the word could ever be used. Whatever threatened this establishment was placing his earthly happiness in jeopardy. He was ready to rise and defend it with all his strength.

With Nell it was different. When she had given her promise to Austin to help him with the undertaking, she had felt the need of the shelter home would give. She was a little girl then, now she was at the door of womanhood. Instinctively she felt that this was not always to be her home, and she had a longing for the freedom, that normal girlhood feels, from responsibility and care. She longed to go out, as other girls went, to face the battles and make the conquests of life. It seemed to her that unless she made a bold dash for freedom her whole life would be given up to dull household tasks.

These vague longings and dissatisfied thoughts caused Nell to lose interest in her home duties. And in turning her attention to outside affairs she, for lack of experience and of the wise, guiding hand of a mother, began placing her affections and desires upon those things that are very enticing to youth but which do not bring the best good. It seemed to her that better clothes, more social activity, worldly amusements, and entire freedom from restraint would bring her the opportunities and the pleasures she craved. Since there was coming to her, as comes to every girl, that indefinite time when she must "settle down in life," why should she not have her good times now!

Austin saw, or thought he saw, the course these "good times" would take, and their final outcome. Nell was impulsive and strong willed; she had no mother to guide her, and he feared the results of a period of wildness. He needed her help in the home, help that she could not give with a divided mind. He was a Christian at heart, one who had covenanted to live by the Word of God, leaving all that was "of the world" behind. He wanted his home to be in every sense a Christian home. It disappointed him that Nell was choosing the world.

But Austin, sitting alone in his room, did not reason things out as we have done here; he only felt and suffered. Nell, his strong right hand, was failing him. She would defy his rules, close her ears to his entreaties, and disobey his commands, going out when and where she pleased, choosing her own company and keeping her own counsels. Not understanding the nature of the change that had come over her, not reasoning back to the real cause, he blamed her and censured her actions. He had hoped to find in Nell one who would understand his purpose in life, and who would fall in with his plans completely. It was such a bitter disappointment to find her unwilling to do so.

Austin had much decision and real sternness in his make-up. Since Nell would not yield to his entreaties, he felt he must compel her to listen to reason. The methods he had used in times of rebellion when the children were smaller were of no value now, and some new plan must be found whereby he could humble Nell's heart and cause her to walk the path he thought was best for her. He so much enjoyed their mutual comradeship and cooperation, and he believed she set a high value on them also. To refrain from talking with her, to keep a reserved, austere silence toward her except when speech was absolutely necessary, would surely bring her to her senses quicker than anything. He was not angry with her, but came to this deliberate decision because he believed it to be the best way to waken her to her errors.

One more serious talk with Nell, a defiant attitude on her part, and he began his discipline. Then followed weeks of pain. Nell would not submit, and Austin would not yield. It was a characteristic of the boy, as we have already seen, to follow a course he believed to be right in spite of all the opposition that might come against him. If he thought a principle of right or justice was at stake, nothing could turn him. The silence of the home was oppressive and more dangerous than words. The girls misunderstood Austin's silence and called it anger and pouts. Nell, who for a while forgot her old loyalty to Austin, spoke of his behavior outside the family circle and caused evil reports to go out about him.

There was one who was, perhaps, more concerned about their trouble than any one else. She was a warm friend of both Austin's and Nellie's. To her Nell unburdened her heart, and the strong, true heart of Bessie Allison was stirred with sympathy and compassion for them both.

"Bessie, I can hardly stand it at home these days. Austin is terrible. He pouts around and won't say a word, and has lost all his love for me. Home will never be as it once was, for I will not give in and mind him in every little thing as if I were only a child," Nell had confided bitterly.

"Don't Nell, don't talk that way. Austin is not pouting, as you think, but he is trying to help you see your mistake. He means right. You know that he does, Nell. Think of all the past, and how he has stood by you."

"Yes, I know, Bessie, that he has done nobly by us. But he does not understand us girls, and thinks we ought to obey him like children. I can't do it, and I will not."

Bessie was a woman of prayer, and often she carried their troubles to the throne of grace. She knew that Austin was making a sad mistake in the position he was taking, that it was hardening Nell and Lila both, and that it was bringing upon him criticism from their friends and neighbors. She could not see how any good could come of it.

"Austin," she had said one day, "can you not see that you are making a mistake with Nell, and bringing on yourself needless criticism? Why are you taking this course, anyway?"

"She must obey me," he said firmly. "Nell taunts me with anger, and says I am pouting, but I am neither angry nor pouting. I have decided to keep this silence till she submits."

"It is a great mistake, Austin. Nell will not submit. She misunderstands your actions. You are driving her farther from God. I shall pray our heavenly Father to give you humility to count yourself defeated. Nell is not a child any longer, and you can not force her to be obedient to you, not in this way at least, and you will prove my words to be true. An example of humility from you now will heal matters better than anything you can do."

For years Austin, against the opinions of others, had resolutely stood to what he thought was right. It was this stedfastness of character that had brought him through many hard-fought battles. And the process had developed tenacity and determination to what was out of balance with his humility and consideration for the opinions and consciences of others. From his point of view this affair was his and Nell's, and did not concern his friends and acquaintances. His fighting-blood was up. But the words of Bessie, spoken so sincerely and kindly, began to reach his understanding, and at last he unbent.

"Nellie, I do not approve of your conduct. I am sorry for your attitude in the home and toward its responsibilities. But I see that I have gone too far in my attempt to force submission. I am sorry for the mistake I have made." This he said to her one day. So the long silence was broken, but without any submission on Nell's part. Her heart was just as restless as it had been before. It was plain that she could not make herself willing to remain with her home responsibility. Someway the burden of it had slipped from her shoulders.

Austin considered the turn his sister had taken; and while he could not understand it, and in his heart censured her considerably, yet he had his old desire to make her happy if possible.

"Nell," he said, "I shall not hold you longer. I want you to feel as free to go as the others have been. While I have tried to give you a good home, and have done the best I understood in that endeavor, yet I would not force it upon you. If you wish to visit your brothers or any other of your relatives, I will provide means for you to make the journey. Or if you wish to go to work downtown, you may do that. Do not feel bound to the housework any longer, for my sake."

"I do not know what I want to do. But I shall go somewhere soon. Do not worry about me, for I can look out for myself," she answered. Her choice was to go on a long journey, to a distant State; and soon the home circle numbered but two.

Amy Hill Morton sat in her little dining-room, her arms resting on the table, and a letter before her over which she was poring with a frown on her pretty face. The letter was from Nell, and set forth in frank, girlish manner, her dissatisfaction with the home-management. "You know how you felt, Amy, how you could not bear to be dictated to, and you remember that Austin wanted to tell you where to go and who to be with. You could not stand it, and I can't either. When I leave I am going to let Aus know that I can look out for myself."

"Oh, Nell! what ails you?" she half sobbed. "Poor Austin! I wonder if every one of us children will be a separate disappointment to him! I know I have been nothing else. If I could have it to do over again I would let him see how much I do appreciate his sacrifice and devotion. I do not regret getting married; but I never realized till now what it has meant for him to settle down and give all his young life for us. Ned and I have a time to keep our two selves going on his wages, yet Austin managed to support all of us. I know he never had a care-free day in his life. He knows nothing but responsibility. He never was young. I am sorry for every unkind word and act I ever gave him. I am going to write Nell a letter telling her just what I think of her plans." Suiting her actions to her words, she wrote a long letter to Nell, pouring out her heart in sisterly fashion.

"What if Austin has made mistakes! Look over them. You can not expect him to be faultless when we are so full of faults. Stay at home, Nell, and make him a home as long as he needs you. He has done more for you than has any one else. No one cares for you as he does. Do not grieve him by your lack of appreciation," were some of the things she wrote. Nell was touched by the appeal, for she was tender-hearted; but it did not change her purpose. She went on with her preparations, and Austin was compelled to face the problem of life without her.



CHAPTER 29

AUSTIN'S NEW HOME

"How is life serving you these days, Austin?" asked his companion quietly, for the expression of the young man's face showed that he was facing some perplexity. He had sought opportunity for a confidential talk with an older friend whom he knew was interested in all his affairs.

"It seems my life is a long series of crises, and I face one now that is exceedingly perplexing. I should like to lay the matter before you and obtain your opinion as to what I should do. I have come to where my path seems to break and I do not know which way to go, yet God knows my heart, that I want only his will done in me. You have heard, possibly, that Nell has deserted me? I do not blame her, poor girl, for her part has not been an easy one. Then, too, the way I allowed her to be overburdened when we had Uncle's children has been against her. Though she was as willing as I was to help him out, the overwork was too much for her nerves, and she has suffered from it. Besides that, she seems to be filled with the same restlessness that attacked Amy. I shall just have to let her face her own problems her own way, I suppose," and a sigh slipped from his lips. Where is the parent of grown children who has not sighed the same way?

"I think, Austin, that you have expected both Amy and Nell to be like your self in steadiness and singleness of purpose, when you have not really had any youth. Possibly the very fact that you had to fight off every youthful inclination and be a mature man before your time, for the sake of your family, has placed you where you can not sympathize with their fickleness. Really, Austin, they are girls, just girls. You can not judge their actions by the standard with which you judge your own, for your view-points are vastly different," reasoned his friend.

"I think I have expected them to fill the places of full-grown women. I am certain much of our trouble has been right there. Another thing I am thoroughly convinced of is that girls need the guidance of an older woman. Both Amy and Nell have worked out problems in their own way and come to conclusions that would never have been reached had they been guided by an older and wiser person," said Austin.

"Yes, you are right. A child can be cared for by nurses and teachers, but when a girl reaches her teen age she needs a mother, or some one who can take the place of a mother," agreed his friend.

"Now you come to my point of perplexity. I think that in failing to recognize this fact I have failed to quite an extent with Amy and Nell. I can excuse myself because they were so little younger than I, and were spoiled for lack of control when I took them. But with Lila it is different. I have had her a great portion of her life, and I feel a responsibility that I never did with the others. But she is just now where she needs mother-care the most. Already I begin to see signs of the same restlessness and wilfulness that has spoiled the other girls. She is such a sweet child, and I want her to make good. But what am I to do? Can you give me any counsel?"

"Do you and Lila expect to keep house the same as ever?"

"Ought we? She wants us to, and is distressed if I mention any other arrangement. So far as the work is concerned, with my help she could get along very well. But she would be alone too much for one so young; and besides, she is not developing along the lines I wish to see her develop. She is very enthusiastic just now over the idea of being my housekeeper, and thinks it would be the best of fun. But she will in time become tired of the responsibility, and I shall have the same old trial over again."

"Could you not secure a competent housekeeper who would be able to take the oversight of the girl as well, and thus save the day?"

"I might, if such a person could be found. But it is a difficult matter to find a person capable of coming into a home and taking the reins in the manner you suggest. Such women already have their places. Lila would not be easily managed, especially if she should be approached in the wrong manner. She has a peculiar temperament, but is tractable enough if one understands her. She would likely resent any interference from one whom she would consider an outsider. I have no idea where I could find a person who would answer the need."

"That plan would depend entirely upon the disposition of the person employed. It would indeed be hard to find one who would take a motherly interest in the girl. Have you any other plans?"

"Yes. If I could find a home for Lila where she would be made welcome and given kind, thoughtful mother-care, I should be glad to put her in it. I should of course support her and pay well for her care. What do you think of that plan?"

"What would you do, Austin?"

"I suppose I should have to close the house and board. Batching would not appeal to me after having the family. I believe I should die of loneliness. Even with Lila it is very trying for me at times."

"That would be unfair to you. You are a home-lover. For a home you have given all your young years, and now to be thrown out with no roof of your own would be harder for you than you now imagine. Besides, breaking the home now would be such a financial sacrifice. In a few years you will wish to begin your home again from a different angle and motive; for you will find you are not different from other men. It seems such a loss and waste. I wish your home could be preserved," said his friend with marked earnestness.

"I have thought of all those things. So I am waiting to see what I ought to do. I hate to give up my home, and I confess it looks dreary ahead of me."

Here the conversation was interrupted and never taken up again. Austin returned to his cottage home to consider further his problem.

"Lila, would you like to have me find you a good home somewhere with a woman who could give you more care than I am able to? You must get lonely here, when I am away so many hours each day; and I can not feel restful about you. Do you not think the other plan would be better?" Austin questioned of his sister.

"No, Austin, I do not want you to do that. You are the only one I want to be with, and this home is good enough for me," she said decidedly.

Again that sigh. What should he do? What was best? And all those dreams and aspirations of a life of usefulness for God! Where were they and what were they? Only imaginations? Or had he received a call from God? A few more years at longest, and he should be free of his family responsibilities, and then where should he turn? Questions, one after another, forced themselves upon him; but he was powerless to answer.

Another plan sweeter and better than all the rest stood ever before him; but he could not be certain it would be for the best. This plan would not only bridge over the present perplexity, but it would change his whole life. What if it should end in disappointment! But the plan was ever before him. Why should he look for an elderly lady for his housekeeper? There was Bessie Allison! With Bessie's strong heart and capable hand the tangles of his home-life would unravel, and all would go well. Besides, there was Bessie herself.

Austin was no longer a boy, and his heart yearned for something in his home-life which his younger brothers and sisters could not give him.

If Bessie was willing, and he learned that she was, his home would be preserved in the happiest way possible. Besides, Bessie's interests and energies were turned toward that life of usefulness for which he craved. They would be one in their service to God.

When he had considered all this, and had learned that his plans and hopes found a hearty echo in the true heart of Bessie, the clouds that had been hanging so low were all cleared away, and life looked bright and rosy again.

To these arrangements Lila gave a glad approval, and welcomed her new sister warmly. Nell was glad also for the change in Austin's affairs, for though she could not bring herself to be willing to take up the burden of housekeeping, yet her conscience kept her continually unhappy at the thought of his perplexity and trial. This was a happy way out for all. Harry and Amy and Doyle all rejoiced with them that the home had been preserved.

Thus with the clouds rolled away and the sunshine of love and hope smiling upon them, Bessie and Austin began their life together.



CHAPTER 30

THE OPINIONS OF PARSON HAWLEY AND HIS WIFE

"Austin and Bessie were married last evening," remarked Parson Hawley, one of Austin's well-wishers, to his wife as he stretched his feet out at his own fireside.

"I am glad to hear it," was his wife's happy rejoinder. "Austin is a fine young man, and Bessie will make him a good, true helpmeet. May the sun shine brightly on their lives all the way."

"What is your prophecy on Austin's life, my dear?" the good man continued. "We have watched him rear his family, and have noted many of his cares and responsibilities, and have felt for him in his perplexities and difficulties. Has he succeeded in what he undertook? Have the results rewarded his sacrifice?"

"I could answer your questions better a few years hence. Look at our own children. Did it always seem as if they were going to repay us for the care and toil we gave them? When they were in the transition stage of life, as Austin's children now are, did they show the effect of our efforts as we wished them to? I think not. I remember sleepless nights and care-worn days when it seemed that one or the other would surely bring us sorrow. And there were two of us of mature years. Wait till Austin's children have another ten years on their heads and then you can better judge. This one thing I do know, that it is an impossibility that boys and girls should live with a man who has lived and is living as Austin, whose whole life has been one of unselfish sacrifice and devotion, and not be the better for it."

"You are right, Wife. We have all expected them to be just like him, when that would have been an impossibility. But do the children appreciate what he has done as they should?"

"Ah, Henry, what a question for a man of your age to ask! Do the children appreciate what he has done! Did you ever see children in their teens who appreciated what their rearing had cost, not in dollars and cents, but in tears and prayers and pain? I think not. Just wait till those children have felt the load of responsibility settle upon their shoulders, fitting itself to their capacity; just let them shed a few tears of sorrow and anguish, and let them sacrifice, as they will do, for love's sweet sake—and then they will appreciate him and all he has done."

"That is so, Mother. We had to wait a while before our children could understand the reason for some of our dealings with them. But now we do not regret our toil and care, since we are rewarded by their love and appreciation. Come to think of it, we did not have that object in view in their training. It was not for our pleasure, but for their good that we worked."

"And so it has been with Austin. He gave his young life for them. He has done his duty by them, and he is a better man for it. Even if he saw no reward in them, what it has done for him has been worth it all. See his strength of character, the earnestness and purpose of life; look at Austin as we know him, and can we say that he is not already reaping the reward of his efforts and sacrifice?"

"Character," said the good man, after a while, "character is not a gift but a growth. With Austin it found good soil to grow in, and he has given it the right kind of cultivation—sacrifice, devotion to a noble purpose, honesty, sincerity—to make it develop well. Yes, you are right. It has paid. I was thinking of what he had given up for them. The pleasures of youth, the fun and the frolic that other boys get. But they are of lesser value, while he has tasted of the real things of life. Yes, it has all paid well."

"But let us not think that the children are even now ungrateful. Amy is quick to praise him and what he has done; she sees many things in a new light since wifehood and motherhood have come to her. And Harry, while he never could bear to depend on Austin, realizes quite forcibly what his brother has done. Nell is at her most thoughtless age, but down in her heart she appreciates her brother; the stamp of his life will be found in her, you may be certain. Lila is devoted to him. And he has many, many friends and admirers."

"What will his life be from now on? Will he continue to develop? Will he realize those early hopes and desires? What do you say?"

"'I am no prophet, nor the son of a prophet,' so I shall not answer those questions. But I know this, that he has chosen a helpmeet who will be an encouragement and help to him in becoming all that God would have him to be. The future lies in the hand of God. May he bless them and make them all

THE END