270. THE THIRD MEMORABLE RELATION. One morning on awaking from sleep my thoughts were deeply engaged on some arcana of conjugial love, and at length on this, "In what region of the human mind does love truly conjugial reside, and thence in what region does conjugial cold reside?" I knew that there are three regions of the human mind, one above the other, and that in the lowest region dwells natural love; in the superior, spiritual love; and in the supreme, celestial love; and that in each region there is a marriage of good and truth; and good is of love, and truth is of wisdom; that in each region there is a marriage of love and wisdom; and that this marriage is the same as the marriage of the will and the understanding, since the will is the receptacle of love, and the understanding the receptacle of wisdom. While I was thus deeply engaged in thought, lo! I saw two swans flying towards the north, and presently two birds of paradise flying towards the south, and also two turtle doves flying in the east: as I was watching their flight, I saw that the two swans bent their course from the north to the east, and the two birds of paradise from the south, also that they united with the two doves in the east, and flew together to a certain lofty palace there, about which there were olives, palms, and beeches. The palace had three rows of windows, one above the other; and while I was making my observations, I saw the swans fly into the palace through open windows in the lowest row, the birds of paradise through others in the middle row, and the doves through others in the highest. When I had observed this, an angel presented himself, and said, "Do you understand what you have seen?" I replied, "In a small degree." He said, "That palace represents the habitations of conjugial love, such as are in human minds. Its highest part, into which the doves flew, represents the highest region of the mind, where conjugial love dwells in the love of good with its wisdom; the middle part, into which the birds of paradise flew, represents the middle region, where conjugial love dwells in the love of truth with its intelligence: and the lowest part, into which the swans flew, represents the lowest region of the mind, where conjugial love dwells in the love of what is just and right with its knowledge. The three pairs of birds also signify these things; the pair of turtle doves signifies conjugial love of the highest region, the pair of birds of paradise conjugial love of the middle region, and the pair of swans conjugial love of the lowest region. Similar things are signified by the three kinds of trees about the palace, the olives, palms, and beeches. We in heaven call the highest region of the mind celestial, the middle spiritual, and the lowest natural; and we perceive them as stories in a house, one above another, and an ascent from one to the other by steps as by stairs; and in each part as it were two apartments, one for love, the other for wisdom, and in front as it were a chamber, where love with its wisdom, or good with its truth, or, what is the same, the will with its understanding, consociate in bed. In that palace are presented as in an image all the arcana of conjugial love." On hearing this, being inflamed with a desire of seeing it, I asked whether anyone was permitted to enter and see it, as it was a representative palace? He replied, "None but those who are in the third heaven, because to them every representative of love and wisdom becomes real: from them I have heard what I have related to you, and also this particular, that love truly conjugial dwells in the highest region in the midst of mutual love, in the marriage-chamber or apartment of the will, and also in the midst of the perceptions of wisdom in the marriage-chamber or apartment of the understanding, and that they consociate in bed in the chamber which is in front, in the east." I also asked, "Why are there two marriage-chambers?" He said, "The husband is in the marriage-chamber of the understanding, and the wife in that of the will." I then asked, "Since conjugial love dwells there, where then does conjugial cold dwell?" He replied, "It dwells also in the supreme region, but only in the marriage-chamber of the understanding, that of the will being closed there: for the understanding with its truths, as often as it pleases, can ascend by a winding staircase into the highest region into its marriage-chamber; but if the will with the good of its love does not ascend at the same time into the consociate marriage-chamber, the latter is closed, and cold ensues in the other: this is conjugial cold. The understanding, while such cold prevails towards the wife, looks downwards to the lowest region, and also, if not prevented by fear, descends to warm itself there at an illicit fire." Having thus spoken, he was about to recount further particulars respecting conjugial love from its images in that palace; but he said, "Enough at this time; inquire first whether what has been already said is above the level of ordinary understandings; if it is, what need of saying more? but if not, more will be discovered."

* * * * *

ON THE CAUSES OF APPARENT LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, AND FAVOR IN MARRIAGES.

271. Having treated of the causes of cold and separation, it follows from order that the causes of apparent love, friendship, and favor in marriages, should also be treated of; for it is well known, that although cold separates the minds (animos) of married partners at the present day, still they live together, and have children; which would not be the case, unless there were also apparent loves, alternately similar to or emulous of the warmth of genuine love. That these appearances are necessary and useful, and that without them there would be no houses, and consequently no societies, will be seen in what follows. Moreover, some conscientious persons may be distressed with the idea, that the disagreement of mind subsisting between them and their married partners, and the internal alienation thence arising, may be their own fault, and may be imputed to them as such, and on this account they are grieved at the heart; but as it is out of their power to prevent internal disagreements, it is enough for them, by apparent love and favor, from conscientious motives to subdue the inconveniences which might arise: hence also friendship may possibly return, in which conjugial love lies concealed on the part of such, although not on the part of the other. But this subject, like the foregoing, from the great variety of its matter, shall be treated of in the following distinct articles: I. In the natural world almost all are capable of being joined together as to external, but not as to internal affections, if these disagree and are apparent. II. In the spiritual world all are joined together according to internal, but not according to external affections, unless these act in unity with the internal. III. It is the external affections, according to which matrimony is generally contracted in the world. IV. But in case they are not influenced by internal affections, which conjoin minds, the bonds of matrimony are loosed in the house. V. Nevertheless those bonds must continue in the world till the decease of one of the parties. VI. In cases of matrimony, in which the internal affections do not conjoin, there are external affections, which assume a semblance of the internal and tend to consociate. VII. Hence come apparent love, friendship, and favor between married partners. VIII. These appearances are assumed conjugial semblances, and they are commendable, because useful and necessary. IX. These assumed conjugial semblances, in the case of a spiritual man (homo) conjoined to a natural, are founded in justice and judgement. X. For various reasons these assumed conjugial semblances with natural men are founded in prudence. XI. They are for the sake of amendment and accommodation. XII. They are for the sake of preserving order in domestic affairs, and for the sake of mutual aid. XIII. They are for the sake of unanimity in the care of infants and the education of children. XIV. They are for the sake of peace in the house. XV. They are for the sake of reputation out of the house. XVI. They are for the sake of various favors expected from the married partner, or from his or her relations; and thus from the fear of losing such favors. XVII. They are for the sake of having blemishes excused, and thereby of avoiding disgrace. XVIII. They are for the sake of reconciliation. XIX. In case favor does not cease with the wife, when faculty ceases with the man, there may exist a friendship resembling conjugial friendship, when the parties grow old. XX. There are various kinds of apparent love and friendship between married partners, one of whom is brought under the yoke, and therefore is subject to the other. XXI. In the world there are infernal marriages between persons who interiorly are the most inveterate enemies, and exteriorly are as the closest friends. We proceed to an explanation of each article.

272. I. IN THE NATURAL WORLD ALMOST ALL ARE CAPABLE OF BEING JOINED TOGETHER AS TO EXTERNAL, BUT NOT AS TO INTERNAL AFFECTIONS, IF THESE DISAGREE AND ARE APPARENT. The reason of this is, because in the world every one is clothed with a material body, and this is overcharged with lusts, which are in it as dregs that fall to the bottom, when the must of the wine is clarified. Such are the constituent substances of which the bodies of men in the world are composed. Hence it is that the internal affections, which are of the mind, do not appear; and in many cases, scarce a grain of them transpires; for the body either absorbs them, and involves them in its dregs, or by simulation which has been learned from infancy conceals them deeply from the sight of others; and by these means the man puts himself into the state of every affection which he observes in another, and allures his affection to himself, and thus they unite. The reason why they unite is, because every affection has its delight, and delights tie minds together. But it would be otherwise if the internal affections, like the external, appeared visibly in the face and gesture, and were made manifest to the hearing by the tone of the speech; or if their delights were sensible to the nostrils or smell, as they are in the spiritual world: in such case, if they disagreed so as to be discordant, they would separate minds from each other, and according to the perception of antipathy, the minds would remove to a distance. From these considerations it is evident, that in the natural world almost all are capable of being joined together as to external, but not as to internal affections, if these disagree and are apparent.

273. II. IN THE SPIRITUAL WORLD ALL ARE CONJOINED ACCORDING TO INTERNAL, BUT NOT ACCORDING TO EXTERNAL AFFECTIONS, UNLESS THESE ACT IN UNITY WITH THE INTERNAL. This is, because in the spiritual world the material body is rejected, which could receive and bring forth the forms of all affections, as we have said just above; and a man (homo) when stripped of that body is in his internal affections, which his body had before concealed: hence it is, that in the spiritual world similarities and dissimilarities, or sympathies and antipathies, are not only felt, but also appear in the face, the speech, and the gesture; wherefore in that world similitudes are conjoined, and dissimilitudes separated. This is the reason why the universal heaven is arranged by the Lord according to all the varieties of the affections of the love of good and truth, and, on the contrary, hell according to all the varieties of the love of what is evil and false. As angels and spirits, like men in the world, have internal and external affections, and as, in the spiritual world, the internal affections cannot be concealed by the external, they therefore transpire and manifest themselves: hence with angels and spirits both the internal and external affections are reduced to similitude and correspondence; after which their internal affections are, by the external, imaged in their faces, and perceived in the tone of their speech; they also appear in their behaviour and manners. Angels and spirits have internal and external affections, because they have minds and bodies; and affections with the thoughts thence derived belong to the mind, and sensations with the pleasures thence derived to the body. It frequently happens in the world of spirits, that friends meet after death, and recollect their friendships in the former world, and on such occasions believe that they shall live on terms of friendship as formerly; but when their consociation, which is only of the external affections, is perceived in heaven, a separation ensues according to their internal; and in this case some are removed from the place of their meeting into the north, some into the west, and each to such a distance from the other, that they can no longer see or know each other; for in the places appointed for them to remain at, their faces are changed so as to become the image of their internal affections. From these considerations it is manifest, that in the spiritual world all are conjoined according to internal affections, and not according to external, unless these act in unity with the internal.

274. III. IT IS THE EXTERNAL AFFECTIONS ACCORDING TO WHICH MATRIMONY IS GENERALLY CONTRACTED IN THE WORLD. The reason of this is, because the internal affections are seldom consulted; and even if they are, still their similitude is not seen in the woman; for she, by a peculiar property with which she is gifted from her birth, withdraws the internal affections into the inner recesses of her mind. There are various external affections which induce men to engage in matrimony. The first affection of this age is an increase of property by wealth, as well with a view to becoming rich as for a plentiful supply of the comforts of life; the second is a thirst after honors, with a view either of being held in high estimation or of an increase of fortune: besides these, there are various allurements and concupiscences which do not afford an opportunity of ascertaining the agreement of the internal affections. From these few considerations it is manifest, that matrimony is generally contracted in the world according to external affections.

275. IV. BUT IN CASE THEY ARE NOT INFLUENCED BY INTERNAL AFFECTIONS, WHICH CONJOIN MINDS, THE BONDS OF MATRIMONY ARE LOOSED IN THE HOUSE. It is said in the house, because it is done privately between the parties; as is the case when the first warmth, excited during courtship and breaking out into a flame as the nuptials approach, successively abates from the discordance of the internal affections, and at length passes off into cold. It is well known that in this case the external affections, which had induced and allured the parties to matrimony, disappear, so that they no longer effect conjunction. That cold arises from various causes, internal, external, and accidental, all which originate in a dissimilitude of internal inclinations, was proved in the foregoing chapter. From these considerations the truth of what was asserted is manifest, that unless the external affections are influenced by internal, which conjoin minds, the bonds of matrimony are loosed in the house.

276. V. NEVERTHELESS THOSE BONDS MUST CONTINUE IN THE WORLD TILL THE DECEASE OF ONE OF THE PARTIES. This proposition is adduced to the intent that to the eye of reason it may more evidently appear how necessary, useful, and true it is, that where there is not genuine conjugial love, it ought still to be assumed, that it may appear as if there were. The case would be otherwise if the marriage contract was not to continue to the end of life, but might be dissolved at pleasure as was the case with the Israelitish nation, who claimed to themselves the liberty of putting away their wives for every cause. This is evident from the following passage in Matthew: "The pharisees came, and said unto Jesus, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And when Jesus answered, that it is not lawful to put away a wife and to marry another, except on account of whoredom, they replied that nevertheless Moses commanded to give a bill of divorce and to put her away; and the disciples said, If the case of a man with his wife be so it is not expedient to marry," xix. 3-10. Since therefore the covenant of marriage is for life, it follows that the appearances of love and friendship between married partners are necessary. That matrimony, when contracted, must continue till the decease of one of the parties, is grounded in the divine law, consequently also in rational law, and thence in civil law: in the divine law, because, as said above, it is not lawful to put away a wife and marry another, except for whoredom; in rational law, because it is founded upon spiritual, for divine law and rational are one law; from both these together, or by the latter from the former, it may be abundantly seen what enormities and destructions of societies would result from the dissolving of marriage, or the putting away of wives, at the good pleasure of the husbands, before death. Those enormities and destructions of societies may in some measure be seen in the MEMORABLE RELATION respecting the origin of conjugial love, discussed by the spirits assembled from the nine kingdoms, n. 103-115; to which there is no need of adding further reasons. But these causes do not operate to prevent the permission of separations grounded in their proper causes, respecting which see above, n. 252-254; and also of concubinage, respecting which see the second part of this work.

277. VI. IN CASE OF MATRIMONY IN WHICH THE INTERNAL AFFECTIONS DO NOT CONJOIN, THERE ARE EXTERNAL AFFECTIONS WHICH ASSUME A SEMBLANCE OF THE INTERNAL AND TEND TO CONSOLIDATE. By internal affections we mean the mutual inclinations which influence the mind of each of the parties from heaven; whereas by external affections we mean the inclinations which influence the mind of each of the parties from the world. The latter affections or inclinations indeed equally belong to the mind, but they occupy its inferior regions, whereas the former occupy the superior: but since both have their allotted seat in the mind, it may possibly be believed that they are alike and agree; yet although they are not alike, still they can appear so: in some cases they exist as agreements, and in some as insinuating semblances. There is a certain communion implanted in each of the parties from the earliest time of the marriage-covenant, which, notwithstanding their disagreement in minds (animis) still remains implanted; as a communion of possessions, and in many cases a communion of uses, and of the various necessities of the house, and thence also a communion of thoughts and of certain secrets; there is also a communion of bed, and of the love of children: not to mention several others, which, as they are inscribed on the conjugial covenant, are also inscribed on their minds. Hence originate especially those external affections which resemble the internal; whereas those which only counterfeit them are partly from the same origin and partly from another; but on the subject of each more will be said in what follows.

278. VII. HENCE COME APPARENT LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, AND FAVOR BETWEEN MARRIED PARTNERS. Apparent loves, friendships, and favors between married partners, are a consequence of the conjugial covenant being ratified for the term of life, and of the conjugial communion thence inscribed on those who ratify it; whence spring external affections resembling the internal, as was just now indicated: they are moreover a consequence of their causes, which are usefulness and necessity: from which in part exist conjunctive external affections, or their counterfeit, whereby external love and friendship appear as internal.

279. VIII. THESE APPEARANCES ARE ASSUMED CONJUGIAL SEMBLANCES; AND THEY ARE COMMENDABLE, BECAUSE USEFUL AND NECESSARY. They are called assumed semblances, because they exist with those who disagree in mind, and who from such disagreement are interiorly in cold: in this case, when they still appear to live united, as duty and decency require, their kind offices to each other may be called assumed conjugial semblances; which, as being commendable for the sake of uses, are altogether to be distinguished from hypocritical semblances; for hereby all those good things are provided for, which are commemorated in order below, from article XI-XX. They are commendable for the sake of necessity, because otherwise those good things would be unattained; and yet the parties are enjoined by a covenant and compact to live together, and hence it behoves each of them to consider it a duty to do so.

280. IX. THESE ASSUMED CONJUGIAL SEMBLANCES, IN THE CASE OF A SPIRITUAL MAN (homo) CONJOINED TO A NATURAL, ARE FOUNDED IN JUSTICE AND JUDGEMENT. The reason of this is, because the spiritual man, in all he does, acts from justice and judgement; wherefore he does not regard these assumed semblances as alienated from their internal affections, but as connected with them; for he is in earnest, and respects amendment as an end; and if he does not obtain this, he respects accommodation for the sake of domestic order, mutual aid, the care of children, and peace and tranquillity. To these things he is led from a principle of justice; and from a principle of judgement he gives them effect. The reason why a spiritual man so lives with a natural one is, because a spiritual man acts spiritually, even with a natural man.

281. X. FOR VARIOUS REASONS, THESE ASSUMED CONJUGIAL SEMBLANCES WITH NATURAL MEN ARE FOUNDED IN PRUDENCE. In the case of two married partners of whom one is spiritual and the other natural, (by the spiritual we mean the one that loves spiritual things, and thereby is wise from the Lord, and by the natural, the one that loves only natural things, and thereby is wise from himself,) when they are united in marriage, conjugial love with the spiritual partner is heat, and with the natural is cold. It is evident that heat and cold cannot remain together, also that heat cannot inflame him that is in cold, unless the cold be first dispersed, and that cold cannot flow into him that is in heat, unless the heat be first removed: hence it is that inward love cannot exist between married partners, one of whom is spiritual and the other natural; but that a love resembling inward love may exist on the part of the spiritual partner, as was said in the foregoing article; whereas between two natural married partners no inward love can exist, since each is cold; and if they have any heat, it is from something unchaste; nevertheless such persons may live together in the same house, with separate minds (animis), and also assume looks of love and friendship towards each other, notwithstanding the disagreement of their minds (mentes): in such case, the external affections, which for the most part relate to wealth and possessions, or to honor and dignities, may as it were be kindled into a flame; and as such enkindling induces fear for their loss, therefore assumed conjugial semblances are in such cases necessities, which are principally those adduced below in articles XV.-XVII. The rest of the causes adduced with these may have somewhat in common with those relating to the spiritual man; concerning which see above, n. 280; but only in case the prudence with the natural man is founded in intelligence.

282. XI. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF AMENDMENT AND ACCOMMODATION. The reason why assumed conjugial semblances, which are appearances of love and friendship subsisting between married partners who disagree in mind, are for the sake of amendment, is because a spiritual man (homo) connected with a natural one by the matrimonial covenant, intends nothing else but amendment of life; which he effects by judicious and elegant conversation, and by favors which soothe and flatter the temper of the other; but in case these things prove ineffectual, he intends accommodation, for the preservation of order in domestic affairs, for mutual aid, and for the sake of the infants and children, and other similar things; for, as was shown above, n. 280, whatever is said and done by a spiritual man (homo) is founded in justice and judgement. But with married partners, neither of whom is spiritual, but both natural, similar conduct may exist, but for other ends; if for the sake of amendment and accommodation, the end is, either that the other party may be reduced to a similitude of manners, and be made subordinate to his desires, or that some service may be made subservient to his own, or for the sake of peace within the house, of reputation out of it, or of favors hoped for by the married partner or his relations; not to mention other ends: but with some these ends are grounded in the prudence of their reason, with some in natural civility, with some in the delights of certain cupidities which have been familiar from the cradle, the loss of which is dreaded; besides several ends, which render the assumed kindnesses as of conjugial love more or less counterfeit. There may also be kindnesses as of conjugial love out of the house, and none within; those however respect as an end the reputation of both parties; and if they do not respect this, they are merely deceptive.

283. XII. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF PRESERVING ORDER IN DOMESTIC AFFAIRS, AND FOR THE SAKE OF MUTUAL AID. Every house in which there are children, their instructors, and other domestics, is a small society resembling a large one. The latter also consists of the former, as a whole consists of its parts, and thereby it exists; and further, as the security of a large society depends on order, so does the security of this small society; wherefore as it behoves public magistrates to see and provide that order may exist and be preserved in a compound society, so it concerns married partners in their single society. But there cannot be this order if the husband and wife disagree in their minds (animis); for thereby mutual counsels and aids are drawn different ways, and are divided like their minds, and thus the form of the small society is rent asunder; wherefore to preserve order, and thereby to take care of themselves and at the same time of the house, or of the house and at the same time of themselves, lest they should come to hurt and fall to ruin, necessity requires that the master and mistress agree, and act in unity; and if, from the difference of their minds (mentium) this cannot be done so well as it might, both duty and propriety require that it be done by representative conjugial friendship. That hereby concord is established in houses for the sake of necessity and consequent utility, is well known.

284. XIII. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF UNANIMITY IN THE CARE OF INFANTS AND THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. It is very well known that assumed conjugial semblances, which are appearances of love and friendship resembling such as are truly conjugial, exist with married partners for the sake of infants and children. The common love of the latter causes each married partner to regard the other with kindness and favor. The love of infants and children with the mother and the father unite as the heart and lungs in the breast. The love of them with the mother is as the heart, and the love towards them with the father is as the lungs. The reason of this comparison is, because the heart corresponds to love, and the lungs to the understanding; and love grounded in the will belongs to the mother, and love grounded in the understanding to the father. With spiritual men (homines) there is conjugial conjunction by means of that love grounded in justice and judgement; in justice, because the mother had carried them in her womb, had brought them forth with pain, and afterwards with unwearied care suckles, nourishes, washes, dresses, and educates them, (and in judgement, because the father provides for their instruction in knowledge, intelligence, and wisdom).

285. XIV. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF PEACE IN THE HOUSE. Assumed conjugial semblances, or external friendships for the sake of domestic peace and tranquillity, relate principally to the men, who, from their natural characteristic, act from the understanding in whatever they do; and the understanding, being exercised in thought, is engaged in a variety of objects which disquiet, disturb, and distract the mind; wherefore if there were not tranquillity at home, it would come to pass that the vital spirits of the parties would grow faint, and their interior life would as it were expire, and thereby the health of both mind and body would be destroyed. The dreadful apprehension of these and several other dangers would possess the minds of the men, unless they had an asylum with their wives at home for appeasing the disturbances arising in their understandings. Moreover peace and tranquillity give serenity to their minds, and dispose them to receive agreeably the kind attentions of their wives, who spare no pains to disperse the mental clouds which they are very quick-sighted to observe in their husbands: moreover, the same peace and tranquillity make the presence of their wives agreeable. Hence it is evident, that an assumed semblance of love, as if it was truly conjugial, for the sake of peace and tranquillity at home, is both necessary and useful. It is further to be observed, that with the wives such semblances are not assumed as with the men; but if they appear to resemble them, they are the effect of real love, because wives are born loves of the understanding of the men; wherefore they accept kindly the favors of their husbands, and if they do not confess it with their lips, still they acknowledge it in heart.

286. XV. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF REPUTATION OUT OF THE HOUSE. The fortunes of men in general depend on their reputation for justice, sincerity, and uprightness; and this reputation also depends on the wife, who is acquainted with the most familiar circumstances of her husband's life; therefore if the disagreements of their minds should break out into open enmity, quarrels, and threats of hatred, and these should be noised abroad by the wife and her friends, and by the domestics, they would easily be turned into tales of scandal, which would bring disgrace and infamy upon the husband's name. To avoid such mischiefs, he has no other alternative than either to counterfeit affection for his wife, or that they be separated as to house.

287. XVI. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF VARIOUS FAVORS EXPECTED FROM THE MARRIED PARTNER, OR FROM HIS OR HER RELATIONS, AND THUS FROM THE FEAR OF LOSING SUCH FAVORS. This is the case more especially in marriages where the rank and condition of the parties are dissimilar, concerning which, see above, n. 250; as when a man marries a wealthy wife who stores up her money in purses, or her treasures in coffers; and the more so if she boldly insists that the husband is bound to support the house out of his own estate and income: that hence come forced likenesses of conjugial love, is generally known. The case is similar where a man marries a wife, whose parents, relations, and friends, are in offices of dignity, in lucrative business, and in employments with large salaries, who have it in their power to better her condition: that this also is a ground of counterfeit love, as if it were conjugial, is generally known. It is evident that in both cases it is the fear of the loss of the above favors that is operative.

288. XVII. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF HAVING BLEMISHES EXCUSED, AND THEREBY OF AVOIDING DISGRACE. There are several blemishes for which conjugial partners fear disgrace, some criminal, some not. There are blemishes of the mind and of the body slighter than those mentioned in the foregoing chapter n. 252 and 253, which are causes of separation; wherefore those blemishes are here meant, which, to avoid disgrace, are buried in silence by the other married partner. Besides these, in some cases there are contingent crimes, which, if made public, are subject to heavy penalties; not to mention a deficiency of that ability which the men usually boast of. That excuses of such blemishes, in order to avoid disgrace, are the causes of counterfeit love and friendship with a married partner, is too evident to need farther confirmation.

289. XVIII. THEY ARE FOR THE SAKE OF RECONCILIATION. That between married partners who have mental disagreements from various causes, there subsist alternate distrust and confidence, alienation and conjunction, yea, dispute and compromise, thus reconciliation; and also that apparent friendships promote reconciliation, is well known in the world. There are also reconciliations which take place after partings, which are not so alternate and transitory.

290. XIX. IN CASE FAVOR DOES NOT CEASE WITH THE WIFE, WHEN FACULTY CEASES WITH THE MAN, THERE MAY EXIST A FRIENDSHIP RESEMBLING CONJUGIAL FRIENDSHIP WHEN THE PARTIES GROW OLD. The primary cause of the separation of minds (animorum) between married partners is a falling off of favor on the wife's part in consequence of the cessation of ability on the husband's part, and thence a falling off of love; for just as heats communicate with each other, so also do colds. That from a falling off of love on the part of each, there ensues a cessation of friendship, and also of favor, if not prevented by the fear of domestic ruin, is evident both from reason and experience. In case therefore the man tacitly imputes the causes to himself, and still the wife perseveres in chaste favor towards him, there may thence result a friendship, which, since it subsists between married partners, appears to resemble conjugial love. That a friendship resembling the friendship of that love, may subsist between married partners, when old, experience testifies from the tranquillity, security, loveliness, and abundant courtesy with which they live, communicate, and associate together.

291. XX. THERE ARE VARIOUS KINDS OF APPARENT LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN MARRIED PARTNERS, ONE OF WHOM IS BROUGHT UNDER THE YOKE, AND THEREFORE IS SUBJECT TO THE OTHER. It is no secret in the world at this day, that as the first fervor of marriage begins to abate, there arises a rivalship between the parties respecting right and power; respecting right, in that according to the statutes of the covenant entered into, there is an equality, and each has dignity in the offices of his or her function; and respecting power, in that it is insisted on by the men, that in all things relating to the house, superiority belongs to them, because they are men, and inferiority to the women because they are women. Such rivalships, at this day familiar, arise from no other source than a want of conscience respecting love truly conjugial, and of sensible perception respecting the blessedness of that love; in consequence of which want, lust takes the place of that love, and counterfeits it; and, on the removal of genuine love, there flows from this lust a grasping for power, in which some are influenced by the delight of the love of domineering, which in some is implanted by artful women before marriage, and which to some is unknown. Where such grasping prevails with the men, and the various turns of rivalship terminate in the establishment of their sway, they reduce their wives either to become their rightful property, or to comply with their arbitrary will, or into a state of slavery, every one according to the degree and qualified state of that grasping implanted and concealed in himself; but where such grasping prevails with the wives, and the various turns of rivalship terminate in establishing their sway, they reduce their husbands either into a state of equality of right with themselves, or of compliance with their arbitrary will, or into a state of slavery: but as when the wives have obtained the sceptre of sway, there remains with them a desire which is a counterfeit of conjugial love, and is restrained both by law and by the fear of legitimate separation, in case they extend their power beyond the rule of right into what is contrary thereto, therefore they lead a life in consociation with their husbands. But what is the nature and quality of the love and friendship between a ruling wife and a serving husband, and also between a ruling husband and a serving wife, cannot be briefly described; indeed, if their differences were to be specifically pointed out and enumerated, it would occupy several pages; for they are various and diverse—various according to the nature of the grasping for power prevalent with the men, and in like manner with the wives; and diverse in regard to the differences subsisting in the men and the women; for such men have no friendship of love but what is infatuated, and such wives are in the friendship of spurious love grounded in lust. But by what arts wives procure to themselves power over the men, will be shewn in the following article.

292. XXI. IN THE WORLD THERE ARE INFERNAL MARRIAGES BETWEEN PERSONS WHO INTERIORLY ARE THE MOST INVETERATE ENEMIES, AND EXTERIORLY ARE AS THE CLOSEST FRIENDS. I am indeed forbidden by the wives of this sort, in the spiritual world, to present such marriages to public view; for they are afraid lest their art of obtaining power over the men should at the same time be divulged, which yet they are exceedingly desirous to have concealed: but as I am urged by the men in that world to expose the causes of the intestine hatred and as it were fury excited in their hearts against their wives, in consequence of their clandestine arts, I shall be content with adducing the following particulars. The men said, that unwittingly they contracted a terrible dread of their wives, in consequence of which they were constrained to obey their decisions in the most abject manner, and be at their beck more than the vilest servants, so that they lost all life and spirit; and that this was the case not only with those who were in inferior stations of life, but also with those who were advanced in high dignities, yea with brave and famous generals: they also said, that after they had contracted this dread, they could not help on every occasion expressing themselves to their wives in a friendly manner, and doing what was agreeable to their humors, although they cherished in their hearts a deadly hatred against them; and further, that their wives still behaved courteously to them both in word and deed, and complaisantly attended to some of their requests. Now as the men themselves greatly wondered, whence such an antipathy could arise in their internals, and such an apparent sympathy in their externals, they examined into the causes thereof from some women who were acquainted with the above secret art. From this source of information they learned, that women (mulieres) are skilled in a knowledge which they conceal deeply in their own minds, whereby, if they be so disposed, they can subject the men to the yoke of their authority; and that this is effected in the case of ignorant wives, sometimes by alternate quarrel and kindness, sometimes by harsh and unpleasant looks, and sometimes by other means; but in the case of polite wives, by urgent and persevering petitions, and by obstinate resistance to their husbands in case they suffer hardships from them, insisting on their right of equality by law, in consequence of which they are firm and resolute in their purpose; yea, insisting that if they should be turned out of the house, they would return at their pleasure, and would be urgent as before; for they know that the men by their nature cannot resist the positive tempers of their wives but that after compliance they submit themselves to their disposal; and that in this case the wives make a show of all kinds of civility and tenderness to their husbands subjected to their sway. The genuine cause of the dominion which the wives obtain by this cunning is, that the man acts from the understanding and the woman from the will, and that the will can persist, but not so the understanding. I have been told, that the worst of this sort of women, who are altogether a prey to the desire of dominion, can remain firm in their positive humors even to the last struggle for life. I have also heard the excuses pleaded by such women (mulieres) for entering upon the exercise of this art; in which they urged that they would not have done so unless they had foreseen supreme contempt and future rejection, and consequent ruin on their part, if they should be subdued by their husbands: and that thus they had taken up these their arms from necessity. To this excuse they add this admonition for the men; to leave their wives their own rights, and while they are in alternations of cold, not to consider them as beneath their maid-servants: they said also that several of their sex, from their natural timidity, are not in a state of exercising the above art; but I added, from their natural modesty. From the above considerations it may now be known what is meant by infernal marriages in the world between persons who interiorly are the most inveterate enemies, and exteriorly are like the most attached friends.

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293. To the above I will add TWO MEMORABLE RELATIONS. FIRST. Some time ago as I was looking through a window to the east, I saw seven women sitting in a garden of roses at a certain fountain, and drinking the water. I strained my eye-sight greatly to see what they were doing, and this effort of mine affected them; wherefore one of them beckoned me, and I immediately quitted the house and came to them. When I joined them, I courteously inquired whence they were. They said, "We are wives, and are here conversing respecting the delights of conjugial love, and from much consideration we conclude, that they are also the delights of wisdom." This answer so delighted my mind (animum), that I seemed to be in the spirit, and thence in perception more interior and more enlightened than on any former occasion; wherefore I said to them, "Give me leave to propose a few questions respecting those satisfactions." On their consenting, I asked, "How do you wives know that the delights of conjugial love are the same as the delights of wisdom?" They replied, "We know it from the correspondence of our husbands' wisdom with our own delights of conjugial love; for the delights of this love with ourselves are exalted and diminished and altogether qualified, according to the wisdom of our husbands." On hearing this, I said, "I know that you are affected by the agreeable conversation of your husbands and their cheerfulness of mind, and that you derive thence a bosom delight; but I am surprised to hear you say, that their wisdom produces this effect; but tell me what is wisdom, and what wisdom (produces this effect)?" To this the wives indignantly replied, "Do you suppose that we do not know what wisdom is, and what wisdom (produces that effect), when yet we are continually reflecting upon it as in our husbands, and learn it daily from their mouths? For we wives think of the state of our husbands from morning to evening; there is scarcely an hour in the day, in which our intuitive thought is altogether withdrawn from them, or is absent; on the other hand, our husbands think very little in the day respecting our state; hence we know what wisdom of theirs it is that gives us delight. Our husbands call that wisdom spiritual rational, and spiritual moral. Spiritual rational wisdom, they say, is of the understanding and knowledges, and spiritual moral wisdom of the will and life; but these they join together and make a one, and insist that the satisfactions of this wisdom are transferred from their minds into the delights in our bosoms, and from our bosoms into theirs, and thus return to wisdom their origin." I then asked, "Do you know anything more respecting the wisdom of your husbands which gives you delight?" They said, "We do. There is spiritual wisdom, and thence rational and moral wisdom. Spiritual wisdom is to acknowledge the Lord the Saviour as the God of heaven and earth, and from Him to procure the truths of the church, which is effected by means of the Word and of preachings derived therefrom, whence comes spiritual rationality; and from Him to live according to those truths, whence comes spiritual morality. These two our husbands call the wisdom which in general operates to produce love truly conjugial. We have heard from them also that the reason of this is, because, by means of that wisdom, the interiors of their minds and thence of their bodies are opened, whence there exists a free passage from first principles even to last for the stream of love; on the flow, sufficiency, and virtue of which conjugial love depends and lives. The spiritual rational and moral wisdom of our husbands, specifically in regard to marriage, has for its end and object to love the wife alone, and to put away all concupiscence for other women; and so far as this is effected, so far that love is exalted as to degree, and perfected as to quality; and also so far we feel more distinctly and exquisitely the delights in ourselves corresponding to the delights of the affections and the satisfactions of the thoughts of our husbands." I inquired afterwards, whether they knew how communication is effected. They said, "In all conjunction by love there must be action, reception, and reaction. The delicious state of our love is acting or action, the state of the wisdom of our husbands is recipient or reception, and also is reacting or reaction according to perception; and this reaction we perceive with delights in the breast according to the state continually expanded and prepared to receive those things which in any manner agree with the virtue belonging to our husbands, thus also with the extreme state of love belonging to ourselves, and which thence proceed." They said further, "Take heed lest by the delights which we have mentioned, you understand the ultimated delights of that love: of these we never speak, but of our bosom delights, which always correspond with the state of the wisdom of our husbands." After this there appeared at a distance as it were a dove flying with the leaf of a tree in its mouth: but as it approached, instead of a dove I saw it was a little boy with a paper in his hand: on coming to us he held it out to me, and said, "Read it before these Maidens of the fountain." I then read as follows, "Tell the inhabitants of your earth, that there is a love truly conjugial having myriads of delights, scarce any of which are as yet known to the world; but they will be known, when the church betroths herself to her Lord, and is married." I then asked, "Why did the little boy call you Maidens of the fountain?" They replied, "We are called maidens when we sit at this fountain; because we are affections of the truths of the wisdom of our husbands, and the affection of truth is called a maiden; a fountain also signifies the true of wisdom, and the bed of roses, on which we sir, the delights thereof." Then one of the seven wove a garland of roses, and sprinkled it with water of the fountain, and placed it on the boy's cap round his little head, and said, "Receive the delights of intelligence; know that a cap signifies intelligence; and a garland from this rose-bed delights." The boy thus decorated then departed, and again appeared a distance like a flying dove, but now with a coronet on his head.

294. THE SECOND MEMORABLE RELATION. After some days I again saw the seven wives in a garden of roses, but not in the same as before. Its magnificence was such as I had never before seen: it was round, and the roses in it formed as it were a rainbow. The roses or flowers of a purple color formed its outermost circle, others of a yellow golden color formed the next interior circle, within this were others of a bright blue, and the inmost of a shining green; and within this rainbow rose-bed was a small lake of limpid water. These seven wives, who were called the Maidens of the fountain, as they were sitting there seeing me again at the window, called me to them; and when I was come they said, "Did you ever see anything more beautiful upon the earth?" I replied, "Never." They then said, "Such scenery is created instantaneously by the Lord, and represents something new on the earth; for every thing created by the Lord is representative: but what is this? tell, if you can: we say it is the delights of conjugial love." On hearing this, I said, "What! the delights of conjugial love, respecting which you before conversed with so much wisdom and eloquence! After I had left you, I related your conversation to some wives in our country, and said, 'I now know from instruction that you have bosom delights arising from your conjugial love, which you can communicate to your husbands according to their wisdom, and that on this account you look at your husbands with the eyes of your spirit from morning to evening, and study to bend and draw their minds (animos) to become wise, to the end that you may secure those delights.' I mentioned also that by wisdom you understand spiritual rational and moral wisdom, and in regard to marriage, the wisdom to love the wife alone, and to put away all concupiscence for other women: but to these things the wives of our country answered with laughter, saying, 'What is all this but mere idle talk? We do not know what conjugial love is. If our husbands possess any portion of it, still we do not; whence then come its delights to us? yea, in regard to what you call ultimate delights, we at times refuse them with violence, for they are unpleasant to us, almost like violations: and you will see, if you attend to it, no sign of such love in our faces: wherefore you are trifling or jesting, if you also assert, with those seven wives, that we think of our husbands from morning to evening, and continually attend to their will and pleasure in order to catch from them such delights.' I have retained thus much of what they said, that I might relate it to you; since it is repugnant, and also in manifest contradiction, to what I heard from you near the fountain, and which I so greedily imbibed and believed." To this the wives sitting in the rose garden replied, "Friend, you know not the wisdom and prudence of wives; for they totally hide it from the men, and for no other end than that they may be loved: for every man who is not spiritually but only naturally rational and moral, is cold towards his wife; and the cold lies concealed in his inmost principles. This is exquisitely and acutely observed by a wise and prudent wife; who so far conceals her conjugial love, and withdraws it into her bosom, and there hides it so deeply that it does not at all appear in her face, in the tone of her voice, or in her behaviour. The reason of this is, because so far as it appears, so far the conjugial cold of the man diffuses itself from the inmost principles of his mind, where it resides, into its ultimates, and occasions in the body a total coldness, and a consequent endeavour to separate from bed and chamber." I then asked, "Whence arises that which you call conjugial cold?" They replied, "From the insanity of the men in regard to spiritual things; and every one who is insane in regard to spiritual things; in his inmost principles is cold towards his wife, and warm towards harlots; and since conjugial love and adulterous love are opposite to each other, it follows that conjugial love becomes cold when illicit love is warm; and when cold prevails with the man, he cannot endure any sense of love, and thus not any allusion thereto, from his wife; therefore the wife so wisely and prudently conceals that love; and so far as she conceals it by denying and refusing it, so far the man is cherished and recruited by the influent meretricious sphere. Hence it is, that the wife of such a man has no bosom delights such as we have, but only pleasures, which, on the part of the man, ought to be called the pleasures of insanity, because they are the pleasures of illicit love. Every chaste wife loves her husband, even if he be unchaste; but since wisdom is alone recipient of that love, therefore she exerts all her endeavours to turn his insanity into wisdom, that is, to prevent his lusting after other women besides herself. This she does by a thousand methods, being particularly cautious lest any of them should be discovered by the man; for she is well aware that love cannot be forced, but that it is insinuated in freedom; wherefore it is given to women to know from the sight, the hearing, and the touch, every state of the mind of their husbands; but on the other hand it is not given to the men to know any state of the mind of their wives. A chaste wife can look at her husband with an austere countenance, accost him with a harsh voice, and also be angry and quarrel, and yet in her heart cherish a soft and tender love towards him; but such anger and dissimulation have for their end wisdom, and thereby the reception of love with the husband: as is manifest from the consideration, that she can be reconciled in an instant. Besides, wives use such means of concealing the love implanted in their inmost heart, with a view to prevent conjugial cold bursting forth with the man, and extinguishing the fire of his adulterous heat, and thus converting him from green wood into a dry stick." When the seven wives had expressed these and many more similar sentiments, their husbands came with clusters of grapes in their hands, some of which were of a delicate, and some of a disagreeable flavor; upon which the wives said, "Why have you also brought bad or wild grapes?" The husbands replied, "Because we perceived in our souls, with which yours are united, that you were conversing with that man respecting love truly conjugial, that its delights are the delights of wisdom, and also respecting adulterous love, that its delights are the pleasures of insanity. The latter are the disagreeable or wild grapes; the former are those of delicate flavor." They confirmed what their wives had said, and added that, "in externals, the pleasures of insanity appear like the delights of wisdom, but not so in internals; just like the good and bad grapes which we have brought; for both the chaste and the unchaste have similar wisdom in externals, but altogether dissimilar in internals." After this the little boy came again with a piece of paper in his hand, and held it out to me, saying, "Read this;" and I read as follows: "Know that the delights of conjugial love ascend to the highest heaven, and both in the way thither and also there, unite with the delights of all heavenly loves, and thereby enter into their happiness, which endures for ever; because the delights of that love are also the delights of wisdom: and know also, that the pleasures of illicit love descend even to the lowest hell, and, both in the way thither and also there, unite with the pleasures of all infernal loves, and thereby enter into their unhappiness, which consists in the wretchedness of all heart-delights; because the pleasures of that love are the pleasures of insanity." After this the husbands departed with their wives, and accompanied the little boy as far as to the way of his ascent into heaven; and they knew that the society from which he was sent was a society of the new heaven, with which the new church in the world will be conjoined.

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ON BETROTHINGS AND NUPTIALS.

295. The subject of betrothings and nuptials, and also of the rites and ceremonies attending them, is here treated of principally from the reason of the understanding; for the object of this book is that the reader may see truths rationally, and thereby give his consent, for thus his spirit is convinced; and those things in which the spirit is convinced, obtain a place above those which, without consulting reason, enter from authority and the faith of authority; for the latter enter the head no further than into the memory, and there mix themselves with fallacies and falses; thus they are beneath the rational things of the understanding. From these any one may seem to converse rationally, but he will converse preposterously; for in such case he thinks as a crab walks, the sight following the tail: it is otherwise if he thinks from the understanding; for then the rational sight selects from the memory whatever is suitable, whereby it confirms truth viewed in itself. This is the reason why in this chapter several particulars are adduced which are established customs, as that the right of choice belongs to the men, that parents ought to be consulted, that pledges are to be given, that the conjugial covenant is to be settled previous to the nuptials, that it ought to be performed by a priest, also that the nuptials ought to be celebrated; besides several other particulars, which are here mentioned in order that every one may rationally see that such things are assigned to conjugial love, as requisite to promote and complete it. The articles into which this section is divided are the following; I. The right of choice belongs to the man, and not to the woman. II. The man ought to court and intreat the woman respecting marriage with him, and not the woman the man. III. The woman ought to consult her parents, or those who are in the place of parents, and then deliberate with herself, before she consents. IV. After a declaration of consent, pledges are to be given. V. Consent is to be secure and established by solemn betrothing. VI. By betrothing, each party is prepared for conjugial love. VII. By betrothing, the mind of the one is united to the mind of the other, so as to effect a marriage of the spirit previous to a marriage of the body. VIII. This is the case with those who think chastely of marriages: but it is otherwise with those who think unchastely of them. IX. Within the time of betrothing, it is not allowable to be connected corporeally. X. When the time of betrothing is completed, the nuptials ought to take place. XI. Previous to the celebration of the nuptials, the conjugial covenant is to be ratified in the presence of witnesses. XII. The marriage is to be consecrated by a priest. XIII. The nuptials are to be celebrated with festivity. XIV. After the nuptials, the marriage of the spirit is made also the marriage of the body, and thereby a full marriage. XV. Such is the order of conjugial love with its modes from its first heat to its first torch. XVI. Conjugial love precipitated without order and the modes thereof, burns up the marrows and is consumed. XVII. The states of the minds of each of the parties proceeding in successive order, flow into the state of marriage; nevertheless in one manner with the spiritual and in another with the natural. XVIII. There are successive and simultaneous orders, and the latter is from the former and according to it. We proceed to an explanation of each article.

296. I. THE RIGHT OF CHOICE BELONGS TO THE MAN, AND NOT TO THE WOMAN. This is because the man is born to be understanding, but the woman to be love; also because with the men there generally prevails a love of the sex, but with the women a love of one of the sex; and likewise because it is not unbecoming for men to speak openly about love, as it is for women; nevertheless women have the right of selecting one of their suitors. In regard to the first reason, that the right of choice belongs to the men, because they are born to understanding, it is grounded in the consideration that the understanding can examine agreements and disagreements, and distinguish them, and from judgement choose that which is suitable: it is otherwise with the women, because they are born to love, and therefore have no such discrimination; and consequently their determinations to marriage would proceed only from the inclinations of their love; if they have the skill of distinguishing between men and men, still their love is influenced by appearances. In regard to the other reason, that the right of choice belongs to the men, and not to the women, because with men there generally prevails a love of the sex, and with women a love of one of the sex, it is grounded in the consideration, that those in whom a love of the sex prevails, can freely look around and also determine: it is otherwise with women, in whom is implanted a love for one of the sex. If you wish for a proof of this, ask, if you please, the men you meet, what their sentiments are respecting monogamical and polygamical unions; and you will seldom meet one who will not reply in favor of the polygamical; and this also is a love of the sex: but ask the women their sentiments on the subject, and almost all, except the vilest of the sex, will reject polygamical unions; from which consideration it follows, that with the women there prevails a love of one of the sex, thus conjugial love. In regard to the third reason, that it is not unbecoming for men to speak openly about love, whereas it is for women, it is self-evident; hence also it follows, that declaration belongs to the men, and therefore so does choice. That women have the right of selecting in regard to their suitors, is well known; but this species of selection is confined and limited, whereas that of the men is extended and unlimited.

297. II. THE MAN OUGHT TO COURT AND INTREAT THE WOMAN RESPECTING MARRIAGE WITH HIM, AND NOT THE WOMAN THE MAN. This naturally follows the right of choice; and besides, to court and intreat women respecting marriage is in itself honorable and becoming for men, but not for women. If women were to court and entreat the men, they would not only be blamed, but, after intreaty, they would be reputed as vile, or after marriage as libidinous, with whom there would be no association but what was cold and fastidious; wherefore marriages would thereby be converted into tragic scenes. Wives also take it as a compliment to have it said of them, that being conquered as it were, they yielded to the pressing intreaties of the men. Who does not foresee, that if the women courted the men, they would seldom be accepted? They would either be indignantly rejected, or be enticed to lasciviousness, and also would dishonor their modesty. Moreover, as was shewn above, the men have not any innate love of the sex; and without love there is no interior pleasantness of life: wherefore to exalt their life by that love, it is incumbent on the men to compliment the women; courting and intreating them with civility, courtesy, and humility, respecting this sweet addition to their life. The superior comeliness of the female countenance, person, and manners, above that of the men, adds itself as a proper object of desire.

298. III. THE WOMAN OUGHT TO CONSULT HER PARENTS, OR THOSE WHO ARE IN THE PLACE OF PARENTS, AND THEN DELIBERATE WITH HERSELF, BEFORE SHE CONSENTS. The reason why parents are to be consulted is, because they deliberate from judgement, knowledge, and love; from judgement, because they are in an advanced age, which excels in judgement, and discerns what is suitable and unsuitable: from knowledge, in respect to both the suitor and their daughter; in respect to the suitor they procure information, and in respect to their daughter they already know; wherefore they conclude respecting both with united discernment: from love, because to consult the good of their daughter, and to provide for her establishment, is also to consult and provide for their own and for themselves.

299. The case would be altogether different, if the daughter consents of herself to her urgent suitor, without consulting her parents, or those who are in their place; for she cannot from judgement, knowledge, and love, make a right estimate of the matter which so deeply concerns her future welfare: she cannot from judgement, because she is as yet in ignorance as to conjugial life, and not in a state of comparing reasons, and discovering the morals of men from their particular tempers; nor from knowledge, because she knows few things beyond the domestic concerns of her parents and of some of her companions; and is unqualified to examine into such things as relate to the family and property of her suitor: nor from love, because with daughters in their first marriageable age, and also afterwards, this is led by the concupiscences originating in the senses, and not as yet by the desires originating in a refined mind. The daughter ought nevertheless to deliberate on the matter with herself, before she consents, lest she should be led against her will to form a connection with a man whom she does not love; for by so doing, consent on her part would be wanting; and yet it is consent that constitutes marriage, and initiates the spirit into conjugial love; and consent against the will, or extorted, does not initiate the spirit, although it may the body; and thus it converts chastity, which resides in the spirit, into lust; whereby conjugial love in its first warmth is vitiated.

300. IV. AFTER A DECLARATION OF CONSENT, PLEDGES ARE TO BE GIVEN. By pledges we mean presents, which, after consent, are confirmations, testifications, first favors, and gladnesses. Those presents are confirmations, because they are certificates of consent on each side; wherefore, when two parties consent to anything, it is customary to say, "Give me a token;" and of two, who have entered into a marriage engagement, and have secured it by presents, that they are pledged, thus confirmed. They are testifications, because those pledges are continual visible witnesses of mutual love; hence also they are memorials thereof; especially if they be rings, perfume-bottles or boxes, and ribbons, which are worn in sight. In such things there is a sort of representative image of the minds (animorum) of the bridegroom and the bride. Those pledges are first favors, because conjugial love engages for itself everlasting favor; whereof those gifts are the first fruits. That they are the gladnesses of love, is well known, for the mind is exhilarated at the sight of them; and because love is in them, those favors are dearer and more precious than any other gifts, it being as if their hearts were in them. As those pledges are securities of conjugial love, therefore presents after consent were in use with the ancients; and after accepting such presents the parties were declared to be bridegroom and bride. But it is to be observed that it is at the pleasure of the parties to bestow those presents either before or after the act of betrothing; if before, they are confirmations and testifications of consent to betrothing; if after it, they are also confirmations and testifications of consent to the nuptial tie.

301. V. CONSENT IS TO BE SECURED AND ESTABLISHED BY SOLEMN BETROTHING. The reasons for betrothings are these: 1. That after betrothing the souls of the two parties may mutually incline towards each other. 2. That the universal love for the sex may be determined to one of the sex. 3. That the interior affections may be mutually known, and by applications in the internal cheerfulness of love, may be conjoined. 4. That the spirits of both parties may enter into marriage, and be more and more consociated. 5. That thereby conjugial love may advance regularly from its first warmth even to the nuptial flame. Consequently: 6. That conjugial love may advance and grow up in just order from its spiritual origin. The state of betrothing may be compared to the state of spring before summer; and the internal pleasantness of that state to the flowering of trees before fructification. As the beginning and progressions of conjugial love proceed in order for the sake of their influx into the effective love, which commences at the nuptials, therefore, there are also betrothings in the heavens.

302. VI. BY BETROTHING EACH PARTY IS PREPARED FOR CONJUGIAL LOVE. That the mind or spirit of one of the parties is by betrothing prepared for union with the mind or spirit of the other, or what is the same, that the love of the one is prepared for union with the love of the other, appears from the arguments just adduced. Besides which it is to be noted, that on love truly conjugial is inscribed this order, that it ascends and descends; it ascends from its first heat progressively upwards towards the souls of the parties, with an endeavour to effect their conjunction, and this by continual interior openings of their minds; and there is no love which strives more intensely to effect such openings, or which is more powerful and expert in opening the interiors of minds, than conjugial love; for the soul of each of the parties intends this: but at the same moments in which that love ascends towards the soul, it descends also towards the body, and thereby clothes itself. It is however to be observed, that conjugial love is such in its descent as it is in the height to which it ascends: if it ascends high, it descends chaste; but if not, it descends unchaste: the reason of this is, because the lower principles of the mind are unchaste, but its higher are chaste; for the lower principles of the mind adhere to the body, but the higher separate themselves from them: but on this subject see further particulars below, n. 305. From these few considerations it may appear, that, by betrothing, the mind of each of the parties is prepared for conjugial love, although in a different manner according to the affections.

303. VII. BY BETROTHING THE MIND OF ONE IS UNITED TO THE MIND OF THE OTHER, SO AS TO EFFECT A MARRIAGE OF THE SPIRIT, PREVIOUS TO A MARRIAGE OF THE BODY. As this follows of consequence from what was said above, n. 301, 302, we shall pass it by, without adducing any further confirmations from reason.

304. VIII. THIS IS THE CASE WITH THOSE WHO THINK CHASTELY OF MARRIAGES; BUT IT IS OTHERWISE WITH THOSE WHO THINK UNCHASTELY OF THEM. With the chaste, that is, with those who think religiously of marriages, the marriage of the spirit precedes, and that of the body is subsequent; and these are those with whom love ascends towards the soul, and from its height thence descends; concerning whom see above, n. 302. The souls of such separate themselves from the unlimited love for the sex, and devote themselves to one, with whom they look for an everlasting and eternal union and its increasing blessednesses, as the cherishers of the hope which continually recreates their mind; but it is quite otherwise with the unchaste, that is, with those who do not think religiously of marriages and their holiness. With these there is a marriage of the body, but not of the spirit: if, during the state of betrothment, there be any appearance of a marriage of the spirit, still, if it ascends by an elevation of the thoughts concerning it, it nevertheless falls back again to the concupiscences which arise from the flesh in the will; and thus from the unchaste principles therein it precipitates itself into the body, and defiles the ultimates of its love with an alluring ardor; and as, in consequence of this ardor, it was in the beginning all on fire, so its fire suddenly goes out, and passes off into the cold of winter; whence the failing (of power) is accelerated. The state of betrothing with such scarcely answers any other purpose, than that they may fill their concupiscences with lasciviousness, and thereby contaminate the conjugial principle of love.

305. IX. WITHIN THE TIME OF BETROTHING IT IS NOT ALLOWABLE TO BE CONNECTED CORPOREALLY. For thus the order which is inscribed on conjugial love, perishes. For in human minds there are three regions, of which the highest is called the celestial, the middle the spiritual, and the lowest the natural. In this lowest man is born; but he ascends into the next above it, the spiritual, by a life according to the truths of religion, and into the highest by the marriage of love and wisdom. In the lowest or natural region, reside all the concupiscences of evil and lasciviousness; but in the superior or spiritual region, there are no concupiscences of evil and lasciviousness; for man is introduced into this region by the Lord, when he is re-born; but in the supreme or celestial region, there is conjugial chastity in its love: into this region a man is elevated by the love of uses; and as the most excellent uses are from marriages, he is elevated into it by love truly conjugial. From these few considerations, it may be seen that conjugial love, from the first beginnings of its warmth, is to be elevated out of the lowest region into a superior region, that it may become chaste, and that thereby from a chaste principle it may be let down through the middle and lowest regions into the body; and when this is the case, this lowest region is purified from all that is unchaste by this descending chaste principle: hence the ultimate of that love becomes also chaste. Now if the successive order of this love is precipitated by connections of the body before their time, it follows, that the man acts from the lowest region, which is by birth unchaste; and it is well known, that hence commences and arises cold in regard to marriage, and disdainful neglect in regard to a married partner. Nevertheless events of various kinds take place in consequence of hasty connections; also in consequence of too long a delay, and too quick a hastening, of the time of betrothing; but these, from their number and variety, can hardly be adduced.

306. X. WHEN THE TIME OF BETROTHING IS COMPLETED, THE NUPTIALS OUGHT TO TAKE PLACE. There are some customary rites which are merely formal, and others which at the same time are also essential: among the latter are nuptials; and that they are to be reckoned among essentials, which are to be manifested in the customary way, and to be formally celebrated, is confirmed by the following reasons: 1. That nuptials constitute the end of the foregoing state, into which the parties were introduced by betrothing, which principally was a state of the spirit, and the beginning of the following state, into which they are to be introduced by marriage, which is a state of the spirit and body together; for the spirit then enters into the body, and there becomes active: wherefore on that day the parties put off the state and also the name of bridegroom and bride, and put on the state and name of married partners and consorts. 2. That nuptials are an introduction and entrance into a new state, which is that a maiden becomes a wife, and a young man a husband, and both one flesh; and this is effected while love by ultimates unites them. That marriage actually changes a maiden into a wife, and a young man into a husband, was proved in the former part of this work; also that marriage unites two into one human form, so that they are no longer two but one flesh. 3. That nuptials are the commencement of an entire separation of the love of the sex from conjugial love, which is effected while, by a full liberty of connection, the knot is tied by which the love of the one is devoted to the love of the other. 4. It appears as if nuptials were merely an interval between those two states, and thus that they are mere formalities which may be omitted: but still there is also in them this essential, that the new state above-mentioned is then to be entered upon from covenant, and that the consent of the parties is to be declared in the presence of witnesses, and also to be consecrated by a priest; besides other particulars which establish it. As nuptials contain in them essentials, and as marriage is not legitimate till after their celebration, therefore also nuptials are celebrated in the heavens; see above, n. 21, and also, n. 27-41.

307. XI. PREVIOUS TO THE CELEBRATION OF THE NUPTIALS, THE CONJUGIAL COVENANT IS TO BE RATIFIED IN THE PRESENCE OF WITNESSES. It is expedient that the conjugial covenant be ratified before the nuptials are celebrated, in order that the statutes and laws of love truly conjugial may be known, and that they may be remembered after the nuptials; also that the minds of the parties may be bound to just marriage: for after some introductory circumstances of marriage, the state which preceded betrothing returns at times, in which state remembrance fails and forgetfulness of the ratified covenant ensues; yea, it may be altogether effaced by the allurements of the unchaste to criminality; and if it is then recalled into the memory, it is reviled: but to prevent these transgressions, society has taken upon itself the protection of that covenant, and has denounced penalties on the breakers of it. In a word, the ante-nuptial covenant manifests and establishes the sacred decrees of love truly conjugial, and binds libertines to the observance of them. Moreover, by this covenant, the right of propagating children, and also the right of the children to inherit the goods of their parents, become legitimate.

308. XII. MARRIAGE IS TO BE CONSECRATED BY A PRIEST. The reason of this is, because marriages, considered in themselves, are spiritual, and thence holy; for they descend from the heavenly marriage of good and truth, and things conjugial correspond to the divine marriage of the Lord and the church; and hence they are from the Lord himself, and according to the state of the church with the contracting parties. Now, as the ecclesiastical order on the earth administer the things which relate to the Lord's priestly character, that is, to his love, and thus also those which relate to blessing, it is expedient that marriages be consecrated by his ministers; and as they are then the chief witnesses, it is expedient that the consent of the parties to the covenant be also heard, accepted, confirmed, and thereby established by them.

309. XIII. THE NUPTIALS ARE TO BE CELBRATED WITH FESTIVITY. The reasons are, because ante-nuptial love, which was that of the bridegroom and the bride, on this occasion descends into their hearts, and spreading itself thence in every direction into all parts of the body, the delights of marriage are made sensible, whereby the minds of the parties are led to festive thoughts and also let loose to festivities so far as is allowable and becoming; to favor which, it is expedient that the festivities of their minds be indulged in company, and they themselves be thereby introduced into the joys of conjugial love.

310. XIV. AFTER THE NUPTIALS, THE MARRIAGE OF THE SPIRIT IS MADE ALSO THE MARRIAGE OF THE BODY, AND THEREBY A FULL MARRIAGE. All things which a man does in the body, flow in from his spirit; for it is well known that the mouth does not speak of itself, but that it is the thinking principle of the mind which speaks by it; also that the hands do not act and the feet walk of themselves, but that it is the will of the mind which performs those operations by them; consequently, that the mind speaks and acts by its organs in the body: hence it is evident, that such as the mind is, such are the speech of the mouth and the actions of the body. From these premises it follows as a conclusion that the mind, by a continual influx, arranges the body so that it may act similarly and simultaneously with itself; wherefore the bodies of men viewed interiorly are merely forms of their minds exteriorly organized to effect the purposes of the soul. These things are premised, in order that it may be perceived why the minds or spirits are first to be united as by marriage, before they are also further united in the body; namely, that while the marriages become of the body, they may also be marriages of the spirit; consequently, that married partners may mutually love each other from the spirit, and thence from the body. From this ground let us now take a view of marriage. When conjugial love unites the minds of two persons, and forms them into a marriage, in such case it also unites and forms their bodies into a marriage; for, as we have said, the form of the mind is also interiorly the form of the body; only with this difference, that the latter form is outwardly organized to effect that to which the interior form of the body is determined by the mind. But the mind formed from conjugial love is not only interiorly in the whole body, round about in every part, but moreover is interiorly in the organs appropriated to generation, which in their region are situated beneath the other regions of the body, and in which are terminated the forms of the mind with those who are united in conjugial love: consequently the affections and thoughts of their minds are determined thither; and the activities of such minds differ in this respect from the activities of minds arising from other loves, that the latter loves do not reach thither. The conclusion resulting from these considerations is, that such as conjugial love is in the minds or spirits of two persons, such is it interiorly in those its organs. But it is self-evident that a marriage of the spirit after the nuptials becomes also a marriage of the body, thus a full marriage, consequently, if a marriage in the spirit is chaste, and partakes of the sanctity of marriage, it is chaste also, and partakes of its sanctity, when it is in its fulness in the body; and the case is reversed if a marriage in the spirit is unchaste.

311. XV. SUCH IS THE ORDER OF CONJUGIAL LOVE WITH ITS MODES FROM ITS FIRST HEAT TO ITS FIRST TORCH. It is said from its first heat to its first torch, because vital heat is love, and conjugial heat or love successively increases, and at length as it were into a flame or torch. We have said "to its first torch," because we mean the first state after the nuptials, when that love burns; but what its quality becomes after this torch, in the marriage itself, has been described in the preceding chapters; but in this part we are explaining its order from the beginning of its career to this its first goal. That all order proceeds from first principles to last, and that the last become the first of some following order, also that all things of the middle order are the last of a prior and the first of a following order, and that thus ends proceed continually through causes into effects, may be sufficiently confirmed and illustrated to the eye of reason from what is known and visible in the world; but as at present we are treating only of the order in which love proceeds from its first starting-place to its goal, we shall pass by such confirmation and illustration, and only observe on this subject, that such as the order of this love is from its first heat to its first torch, such it is in general, and such is its influence in its progression afterwards; for in this progression it unfolds itself, according to the quality of its first heat: if this heat was chaste, its chasteness is strengthened as it proceeds; but if it was unchaste, its unchasteness increases as it advances, until it is deprived of all that chasteness which, from the time of betrothing, belonged to it from without, but not from within.

312. XVI. CONJUGIAL LOVE PRECIPITATED WITHOUT ORDER AND THE MODES THEREOF, BURNS UP THE MARROWS AND IS CONSUMED. So it is said by some in the heavens; and by the marrows they mean the interiors of the mind and body. The reason why these are burnt up, that is, consumed, by precipitated conjugial love is, because that love in such case begins from a flame which eats up and corrupts those interiors, in which as in its principles conjugial love should reside, and from which it should commence. This comes to pass if the man and woman without regard to order precipitate marriage, and do not look to the Lord, and consult their reason, but reject betrothing and comply merely with the flesh: from the ardor of which, if that love commences, it becomes external and not internal, thus not conjugial; and such love may be said to partake of the shell, not of the kernel; or may be called fleshly, lean, and dry, because emptied of its genuine essence. See more on this subject above n. 305.

313. XVII. THE STATES OF THE MINDS OF EACH OF THE PARTIES PROCEEDING IN SUCCESSIVE ORDER, FLOW INTO THE STATE OF MARRIAGE; NEVERTHELESS IN ONE MANNER WITH THE SPIRITUAL AND IN ANOTHER WITH THE NATURAL. That the last state is such as that of the successive order from which it is formed and exists, is a rule, which from its truth must be acknowledged by the learned; for thereby we discover what influx is, and what it effects. By influx we mean all that which precedes, and constitutes what follows, and by things following in order constitutes what is last; as all that which precedes with a man, and constitutes his wisdom; or all that which precedes with a statesman, and constitutes his political skill; or all that which precedes with a theologian, and constitutes his erudition; in like manner all that which proceeds from infancy, and constitutes a man; also what proceeds in order from a seed and a twig, and makes a tree, and afterwards what proceeds from a blossom, and makes its fruit; in like manner all that which precedes and proceeds with a bridegroom and bride, and constitutes their marriage: this is the meaning of influx. That all those things which precede in minds form series, which collect together, one next to another, and one after another, and that these together compose a last or ultimate, is as yet unknown in the world; but as it is a truth from heaven, it is here adduced for it explains what influx effects, and what is the quality of the last or ultimate, in which the above-mentioned series successively formed co-exist. From these considerations it may be seen that the states of the minds of each of the parties proceeding in successive order flow into the state of marriage. But married partners after marriage are altogether ignorant of the successive things which are insinuated into, and exist in their minds (animis) from things antecedent; nevertheless it is those things which give form to conjugial love, and constitute the state of their minds; from which state they act the one with the other. The reason why one state is formed from one order with such as are spiritual, and from another with such as are natural, is, because the spiritual proceed in a just order, and the natural in an unjust order; for the spiritual look to the Lord, and the Lord provides and leads the order; whereas the natural look to themselves, and thence proceed in an inverted order; wherefore with the latter the state of marriage is inwardly full of unchasteness; and as that unchasteness abounds, so does cold; and as cold abounds so do the obstructions of the inmost life, whereby its vein is closed and its fountain dried.

314. XVIII. THERE ARE SUCCESSIVE AND SIMULTANEOUS ORDER, AND THE LATTER IS FROM THE FORMER AND ACCORDING TO IT. This is adduced as a reason tending to confirm what goes before. It is well known that there exist what is successive and what is simultaneous; but it is unknown that simultaneous order is grounded in successive, and is according to it; yet how things successive enter into things simultaneous, and what order they form therein, it is very difficult to present to the perception, since the learned are not in possession of any ideas that can elucidate the subject; and as the first idea respecting this arcanum cannot be suggested in few words, and to treat this subject at large would withdraw the mind from a more comprehensive view of the subject of conjugial love, it may suffice for illustration to quote what we have adduced in a compendium respecting those two orders, the successive and the simultaneous, and respecting the influx of the former into the latter, in THE DOCTRINE OF THE NEW JERUSALEM RESPECTING THE SACRED SCRIPTURE, where are these words: "There are in heaven and in the world successive order and simultaneous order. In successive order one thing follows after another from the highest to the lowest; but in simultaneous order one thing is next to another from the inmost to the outermost. Successive order is like a column with steps from the highest to the lowest; but simultaneous order is like a work cohering from the centre to the surface. Successive order becomes in the ultimate simultaneous in this manner; the highest things of successive order become the inmost of simultaneous, and the lowest things of successive order become the outermost of simultaneous; comparatively as when a column of steps subsides, it becomes a body cohering in a plane. Thus what is simultaneous is formed from what is successive; and this in all things both of the spiritual and of the natural world." See n. 38, 65, of that work; and several further observations on this subject in the ANGELIC WISDOM RESPECTING THE DIVINE LOVE AND DIVINE WISDOM, n. 205-229. The case is similar with successive order leading to marriage, and with simultaneous order in marriage; namely, that the latter is from the former, and according to it. He that is acquainted with the influx of successive order into simultaneous, may comprehend the reason why the angels can see in a man's hand all the thoughts and intentions of his mind, and also why wives, from their husbands' hands on their bosoms, are made sensible of their affections; which circumstance has been occasionally mentioned in the MEMORABLE RELATIONS. The reason of this is, because the hands are the ultimates of man, wherein the deliberations and conclusions of his mind terminate, and there constitute what is simultaneous: therefore also in the Word, mention is made of a thing's being inscribed on the hands.

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315. To the above I shall add TWO MEMORABLE RELATIONS. FIRST. On a certain time I saw not far from me a meteor—a cloud divided into smaller clouds, some of which were of an azure color, some opaque, and as it were in collision together. They were streaked with translucent irradiations of light, which at one time appeared sharp like the points of swords, at another, blunt like broken swords. The streaks sometimes darted out forwards, at others they drew themselves in again, exactly like combatants; thus those different colored lesser clouds appeared to be at war together; but it was only their manner of sporting with each other. And as this meteor appeared at no great distance from me, I raised my eyes, and looking attentively, I saw boys, youths, and old men, entering a house which was built of marble, on a foundation of porphyry; and it was over this house that the phenomenon appeared. Then addressing myself to one that was entering, I asked, "What house is this?" He answered, "It is a gymnasium, where young persons are initiated into various things relating to wisdom." On hearing this, I went in with them, being then in the spirit, that is, in a similar state with men of the spiritual world, who are called spirits and angels; and lo! in the gymnasium there were in front a desk, in the middle, benches, at the sides round about, chairs, and over the entrance, an orchestra. The desk was for the young men that were to give answers to the problem at that time to be proposed, the benches were for the audience, the chairs at the sides were for those who on former occasions had given wise answers, and the orchestra was for the seniors, who were arbitrators and judges: in the middle of the orchestra was a pulpit, where there sat a wise man, whom they called the head master, who proposed the problems to which the young men gave their answers from the desk. When all were assembled, this man arose from the pulpit and said, "Give an answer now to this problem, and solve it if you can, WHAT IS THE SOUL, AND WHAT IS ITS QUALITY?" On hearing this problem all were amazed, and made a muttering noise; and some of the company on the benches exclaimed, "What mortal man, from the age of Saturn to the present time, has been able by any rational thought to see and ascertain what the soul is, still less what is its quality? Is not this subject above the sphere of all human understanding?" But it was replied from the orchestra, "It is not above the understanding, but within it and in its view; only let the problem be answered." Then the young men, who were chosen on that day to ascend the desk, and give an answer to the problem, arose. They were five in number, who had been examined by the seniors, and found to excel in sagacity, and were then sitting on couches at the sides of the desk. They afterwards ascended in the order in which they were seated; and every one, when he ascended, put on a silken tunic of an opaline color, and over it a robe of soft wool interwoven with flowers, and on his head a cap, on the crown of which was a bunch of roses encircled with small sapphires. The first youth thus clad ascended the desk, and thus began: "What the soul is, and what is its quality, has never been revealed to any one since the day of creation, being an arcanum in the treasuries of God alone; but this has been discovered, that the soul resides in a man as a queen; yet where her palace is, has been a matter of conjecture among the learned. Some have supposed it to be in a small tubercle between the cerebrum and the cerebellum, which is called the pineal gland: in this they have fixed the soul's habitation, because the whole man is ruled from those two brains, and they are regulated by that tubercle; therefore whatever regulates the brains, regulates also the whole man from the head to the heel." He also added, "Hence this conjecture appeared as true or probable to many in the world; but in the succeeding age it was rejected as groundless." When he had thus spoken, he put off the robe, the tunic, and the cap, which the second of the selected speakers put on, and ascended the desk. His sentiments concerning the soul are as follows: "In the whole heaven and the whole world it is unknown what the soul is, and what is its quality; it is however known that there is a soul, and that it is in man; but in what part of him is a matter of conjecture. This is certain, that it is in the head, since the head is the seat where the understanding thinks, and the will intends; and