CLIN. By all the Gods, I know not where I am for very joy. Oh, how I trembled!

CLIT. Without cause, I knew. But come; now, Syrus, tell us, who's that other?

SYRUS. Your mistress, Bacchis.

CLIT. How! what! Bacchis? Tell me, Where d'ye bring her, rogue?

SYRUS. Where do I bring her? To our house certainly.

CLIT. My father's?

SYRUS. Aye.

CLIT. Oh monstrous impudence!

SYRUS. Consider, Sir; More danger, the more honor.

CLIT. Look ye, Sirrah, You mean to purchase praise at my expense, Where the least slip of yours would ruin me. What is't you drive at?

SYRUS. But——

CLIT. But what?

SYRUS. I'll tell you, Give me but leave!

CLIN. Permit him.

CLIT. Well, I do.

SYRUS. This business—now—is just as if— (Drawling.)

CLIT. Confusion! What a long roundabout beginning!

CLIN. True. To the point, Syrus!

SYRUS. I've no patience with you. You use me ill, Sir, and I can't endure it.

CLIN. Hear him: peace, Clitipho! (To CLITIPHO.)

SYRUS. You'd be in love; Possess your mistress; and have wherewithal To make her presents: but to gain all this You'd risk no danger. By my troth, you're wise, If it be wise to wish for what can't be. Take good and bad together; both, or none; Choose which you will; no mistress, or no danger. And yet, the scheme I've laid is fair and safe; Your mistress may be with you at your father's Without detection; by the self-same means I shall procure the sum you've promis'd her, Which you have rung so often in my ears, You've almost deafen'd them.—What would you more?

CLIT. If it may be so——

SYRUS. If! the proof shall show.

CLIT. Well, well then, what's this scheme?

SYRUS. We will pretend That Bacchis is his mistress.

CLIT. Mighty fine! What shall become then of his own? Shall she Pass for his too, because one's not enough To answer for?

SYRUS. No. She shall to your mother.

CLIT. How so?

SYRUS. 'Twere tedious, Clitipho, to tell: Let it suffice, I've reason for it.

CLIT. Nonsense! I see no ground to make me hazard this.

SYRUS. Well; if you dread this, I've another way, Which you shall both own has no danger in't.

CLIT. Aye, prithee, find that out.

SYRUS. With all my heart. I'll run and meet the woman on the road, And order them to go straight home again.

CLIT. How! what!

SYRUS. I mean to ease you of your fear, That you may sleep in peace on either side. (Going.)

CLIT. What shall I do?

CLIN. E'en profit of his scheme.

CLIT. But, Syrus, tell me then——

SYRUS. Away, away! This day too late you'll wish for her in vain. (Going.)

CLIN. This is your time: enjoy it, while you may: Who knows if you may have the like again?

CLIT. Syrus, I say.

SYRUS. Call as you please, I'll on.

CLIT. Clinia, you're right.—Ho, Syrus! Syrus, ho! Syrus, I say.

SYRUS. So, he grows hot at last. (To himself.) What would you, Sir? (Turning about.)

CLIT. Come back, come back!

SYRUS. I'm here. (Returns.) You're pleasure, Sir!—What, will not this content you?

CLIT. Yes, Syrus; me, my passion, and my fame I render up to you: dispose of all; But see you're not to blame.

SYRUS. Ridiculous! Spare your advice, good Clitipho! you know Success is my concern still more than yours: For if perchance we fail in our attempt, You shall have words; but I, alas! dry blows. Be sure then of my diligence; and beg Your friend to join, and countenance our scheme.

CLIN. Depend on me: I see it must be so.

CLIT. Thanks, my best Clinia!

CLIN. But take heed she trip not.

SYRUS. Oh, she's well instructed.

CLIT. Still I wonder How you prevail'd so easily upon her: Her, who's so scornful.

SYRUS. I came just in time, Time, that in most affairs is all in all: For there I found a certain wretched captain, Begging her favors. She, an artful baggage, Denied him, to inflame his mind the more, And make her court to you.—But hark ye, Sir, Be cautious of your conduct! no imprudence! You know how shrewd and keen your father is; And I know your intemperance too well. No double-meanings, glances, leers, sighs, hems, Coughing, or titt'ring, I beseech you, Sir!

CLIT. I'll play my part——

SYRUS. Look to't!

CLIT. To your content.

SYRUS. But see, the women! they're soon after us. (Looking out.)

CLIT. Where are they?— (SYRUS stops him.) Why d'ye hold me?

SYRUS. She is not Your mistress now.

CLIT. True: not before my father. But now, meanwhile——

SYRUS. Nor now, meanwhile,

CLIT. Allow me!

SYRUS. No.

CLIT. But a moment!

SYRUS. No.

CLIT. A single kiss!

SYRUS. Away, if you are wise!

CLIT. Well, well, I'm gone. —What's he to do?

SYRUS. Stay here.

CLIT. O happy——

SYRUS. March! (Pushes off CLITIPHO.)

[Changes:

Harper Away! quick! don't loiter. Colman 1768 Away! quick, quick! don't loiter.

Harper CLIT. How! what! Bacchis? Tell me, Where d'ye bring her, rogue? SYRUS. Where do I bring her? Colman 1768 CLIT. How! what! Bacchis? Where d'ye propose to carry her, rogue? SYRUS. Where?

Harper SYRUS. Oh, she's well instructed. Colman 1768 SYRUS. Oh, she is well instructed.]

SCENE III

Enter BACCHIS, and ANTIPHILA at a distance.

BACCH. Well, I commend you, my Antiphila: Happy, that you have made it still your care, That virtue should seem fair as beauty in you! Nor Gracious Heav'n so help me, do I wonder If ev'ry man should wish you for his own; For your discourse bespeaks a worthy mind. And when I ponder with myself, and weigh Your course of life, and all the rest of those Who live not on the common, 'tis not strange, Your morals should be different from ours. Virtue's your int'rest; those, with whom we deal, Forbid it to be ours: For our gallants, Charm'd by our beauty, court us but for that; Which fading, they transfer their love to others. If then meanwhile we look not to ourselves, We live forlorn, deserted, and distress'd. You, when you've once agreed to pass your life Bound to one man, whose temper suits with yours, He too attaches his whole heart to you: Thus mutual friendship draws you each to each; Nothing can part you, nothing shake your love.

ANTI. I know not others'; for myself I know, From his content I ever drew my own.

{CLINIA and SYRUS apart.}

CLIN. (overhearing). Excellent maid! my best Antiphila! Thou too, thy love alone is now the cause That brings me to my native land again. For when away, all evils else were light Compar'd to wanting thee.

SYRUS. I do believe it.

CLIN. O Syrus, 'tis too much: I can not bear it. Wretch that I am!—and must I be debarr'd To give a loose to love, a love like this?

SYRUS. And yet if I may judge your father's mind, He has more troubles yet in store for you.

BACCH. Who is that youth that eyes us? (Seeing CLINIA.)

ANTI. Ha! (seeing him.)—Support me!

BACCH. Bless me, what now?

ANTI. I faint.

BACCH. Alas, poor soul! What is't surprises you, Antiphila?

ANTI. Is't Clinia that I see, or no?

BACCH. Whom do you see?

CLIN. Welcome my soul! (Running up to her.)

ANTI. My wish'd-for Clinia, welcome!

CLIN. How fares my love?

ANTI. O'erjoyed at your return.

CLIN. And do I hold thee, my Antiphila, Thou only wish and comfort of my soul!

SYRUS. In, in, for you have made our good man wait. (Exeunt.



ACT THE THIRD.

SCENE I.

CHREM. 'Tis now just daybreak.—Why delay I then To call my neighbor forth, and be the first To tell him of his son's return?—The youth, I understand, would fain not have it so. But shall I, when I see this poor old man Afflict himself so grievously, by silence Rob him of such an unexpected joy, When the discov'ry can not hurt the son? No, I'll not do't; but far as in my pow'r Assist the father. As my son, I see, Ministers to th' occasions of his friend, Associated in counsels, rank, and age, So we old men should serve each other too.

SCENE II.

Enter MENEDEMUS.

MENE. (to himself). Sure I'm by nature form'd for misery Beyond the rest of humankind, or else 'Tis a false saying, though a common one, "That time assuages grief." For ev'ry day My sorrow for the absence of my son Grows on my mind: the longer he's away, The more impatiently I wish to see him, The more pine after him.

CHREM. But he's come forth. (Seeing MENEDEMUS.) Yonder he stands. I'll go and speak with him. Good-morrow, neighbor! I have news for you; Such news as you'll be overjoy'd to hear.

MENE. Of my son, Chremes?

CHREM. He's alive and well.

MENE. Where?

CHREM. At my house.

MENE. My son?

CHREM. Your son.

MENE. Come home?

CHREM. Come home.

MENE. My dear boy come? my Clinia?

CHREM. He.

MENE. Away then! prithee, bring me to him.

CHREM. Hold! He cares not you should know of his return, And dreads your sight because of his late trespass. He fears, besides, your old severity Is now augmented.

MENE. Did not you inform him The bent of my affections?

CHREM. Not I.

MENE. Wherefore, Chremes?

CHREM. Because 'twould injure both yourself and him To seem of such a poor and broken spirit.

MENE. I can not help it. Too long, much too long, I've been a cruel father.

CHREM. Ah, my friend, You run into extremes; too niggardly, Or, too profuse; imprudent either way. First, rather than permit him entertain A mistress, who was then content with little, And glad of any thing, you drove him hence: Whereon the girl was forc'd against her will, To grow a common gamester for her bread: And now she can't be kept without much cost, You'd squander thousands. For to let you know How admirably madam's train'd to mischief, How finely form'd to ruin her admirers, She came to my house yesternight with more Than half a score of women at her tail, Laden with clothes and jewels.—If she had A Prince to her gallant, he could not bear Such wild extravagance: much less can you.

MENE. Is she within too?

CHREM. She within! Aye, truly. I've found it to my cost: for I have given To her and her companions but one supper; And to give such another would undo me. For, not to dwell on other circumstances, Merely to taste, and smack, and spirt about. What quantities of wine has she consum'd! This is too rough, she cries; some softer, pray! I have pierc'd every vessel, ev'ry cask; Kept ev'ry servant running to and fro: All this ado, and all in one short night! What, Menedemus, must become of you, Whom they will prey upon continually? Now, afore Heaven, thinking upon this, I pitied you.

MENE. Why let him have his will; Waste, consume, squander; I'll endure it all, So I but have him with me.

CHREM. If resolv'd To take that course, I hold it of great moment That he perceive not you allow of this.

MENE. What shall I do then?

CHREM. Any thing much rather Than what you mean to do: at second-hand Supply him; or permit his slave to trick you; Though I perceive they're on that scent already, And privately contriving how to do't. There's Syrus, and that little slave of yours In an eternal whisper: the young men Consulting too together: and it were Better to lose a talent by these means, Than on your plan a mina: for at present Money is not the question, but the means To gratify the youth the safest way. For if he once perceives your turn of mind, And that you'd rather hazard life, and wealth, Than part from him; ah, Menedemus, what A window to debauchery you'll open! Nay, life itself will grow a burden to you; For too much liberty corrupts us all. Whatever comes into his head, he'll have; Nor think if his demand be right or wrong. You, on your part, to see your wealth and son Both wreck'd, will not be able to endure. You'll not comply with his demands; whereon He falls to his old fence immediately, And knowing where your weak part lies, will threaten To leave you instantly.

MENE. 'Tis very like.

CHREM. Now on my life I have not clos'd my eyes, Nor had a single wink of sleep this night, For thinking how I might restore your son.

MENE. Give me your hand: and let me beg you, Chremes, Continue to assist me!

CHREM. Willingly.

MENE. D'ye know what I would have you do at present?

CHREM. What?

MENE. Since you have found out they meditate Some practice on me, prithee, urge them on To execute it quickly: for I long To grant his wishes, long to see him straight.

CHREM. Let me alone. I must lay hold of Syrus, And give him some encouragement.—But see! Some one, I know not who, comes forth: In, in, Lest they perceive that we consult together! I have a little business too in hand. Simus and Crito, our two neighbors here, Have a dispute about their boundaries; And they've referr'd it to my arbitration, I'll go and tell them, 'tis not in my power To wait on them, as I propos'd to-day. I will be with you presently.

MENE. Pray do. (Exit CHREMES. Gods! that the nature of mankind is such, To see and judge of the affairs of others Much better than their own! Is't therefore so, Because that, in our own concerns, we feel Too much the influence of joy or sorrow? How much more wisely does my neighbor here, Consult for me, than I do for myself!

CHREM. (returning.) I've disengag'd myself! that I might be At leisure to attend on your affairs. (Exit MENEDEMUS.

[Changes:

Harper So I but have him with me. Colman 1768 So I but keep him with me.

Harper And that you'd rather hazard life, and wealth, Than part from him; ah, Menedemus, what A window to debauchery you'll open! Nay, life itself will grow a burden to you; Colman 1768 That you had rather throw away your life, And waste your whole estate, than part with him, Ah, what a window to debauchery You'll open, Menedemus! Such a one, As will embitter even life itself;

Harper Too much the influence of joy or sorrow? Colman 1768 The influence of joy or grief too nearly?]

SCENE III.

Enter SYRUS at another part of the stage.

SYRUS (to himself.) This way, or that way, or some way or other! For money must be had, and th' old man trick'd.

CHREM. (overbearing.) Was I deceiv'd in thinking they were at it? That slave of Clinia's, it should seem, is dull, And so our Syrus has the part assign'd him.

SYRUS. Who's there (seeing CHREMES). Undone if he has overheard me. (Aside.)

CHREM. Syrus.

SYRUS. Sir!

CHREM. What now?

SYRUS. Nothing.—But I wonder To see you up so early in the morning, Who drank so freely yesterday.

CHREM. Not much.

SYRUS. Not much? You have, Sir, as the proverb goes, The old age of an eagle.

CHREM. Ah!

SYRUS. A pleasant, Good sort of girl, this wench of Clinia's.

CHREM. Aye, so she seems.

SYRUS. And handsome.

CHREM. Well enough.

SYRUS. Not like the maids of old, but passable, As girls go now: nor am I much amaz'd That Clinia dotes upon her. But he has, Alas, poor lad! a miserable, close, Dry, covetous, curmudgeon to his father: Our neighbor here; d'ye know him?—Yet, as if He did not roll in riches, his poor son Was forc'd to run away for very want. D'ye know this story?

CHREM. Do I know it? Aye. A scoundrel! should be horse-whipp'd.

SYRUS. Who?

CHREM. That slave Of Clinia's——

SYRUS. Troth, I trembled for you, Syrus! (Aside.)

CHREM. Who suffer'd this.

SYRUS. Why what should he have done?

CHREM. What?—have devis'd expedients, contriv'd schemes, To raise the cash for the young gentleman To make his mistress presents; and have done A kindness to th' old hunks against his will.

SYRUS. You jest.

CHREM. Not I: it was his duty, Syrus.

SYRUS. How's this? why prithee then, d'ye praise those slaves, Who trick their masters?

CHREM. Yes upon occasion.

SYRUS. Mighty fine, truly!

CHREM. Why, it oft prevents A great deal of uneasiness: for instance, This Clinia, Menedemus' only son, Would never have elop'd.

SYRUS. I can not tell Whether he says all this in jest or earnest; But it gives fresh encouragement to me. (Aside.)

CHREM. And now what is't the blockhead waits for, Syrus? Is't till his master runs away again, When he perceives himself no longer able To bear with the expenses of his mistress? Has he no plot upon th' old gentleman?

SYRUS. He's a poor creature.

CHREM. But it is your part, For Clinia's sake, to lend a helping hand.

SYRUS. Why, that indeed I easily can do, If you command me; for I know which way.

CHREM. I take you at your word.

SYRUS. I'll make it good.

CHREM. Do so.

SYRUS. But hark ye, Sir! remember this, If ever it hereafter comes to pass, —As who can answer for th' affairs of men! That your own son——

CHREM. I hope 'twill never be.

SYRUS. I hope so too; nor do I mention this From any knowledge or suspicion of him: But that in case—his time of life, you know; And should there be occasion, trust me, Chremes, But I could handle you most handsomely.

CHREM. Well, well, we'll think of it, when that time comes. Now to your present task! (Exit CHREMES.

[Changes:

Harper SYRUS. This way, or that way, or some way or other! For money must be had, and th' old man trick'd. Colman 1768 SYRUS. One way, or other, money must be had, And the old gentleman impos'd upon.

Harper CHREM. What?—have devis'd expedients, contriv'd schemes, Colman 1768 CHREM. What?—have devis'd some scheme, some ways and means

Harper This Clinia, Menedemus' only son, Would never have elop'd. SYRUS. I can not tell Whether he says all this in jest or earnest; But it gives fresh encouragement to me. Colman 1768 My neighbour Menedemus, well deceiv'd, Would ne'er have seen his son abandon him. SYRUS. I don't know whether he's in jest or earnest, But it gives me encouragement to trick him.

Now to your present task! initial "N" invisible in Harper edition]

SCENE IV.

SYRUS alone.

I never heard My master argue more commodiously; Nor ever had a mind to mischief, when It might be done with more impunity. But who's this coming from our house?

[Changes:

Harper Nor ever had a mind to mischief, when Colman 1768 Nor ever was inclin'd to mischief, when]

SCENE V.

Enter CLITIPHO, and CHREMES following.

CHREM. How now? What manners are these, Clitipho? does this Become you?

CLIT. What's the matter?

CHREM. Did not I This very instant see you put your hand Into yon wench's bosom?

SYRUS. So! all's over: I am undone. (Aside.)

CLIT. Me, Sir?

CHREM. These very eyes Beheld you: don't deny it.—'Tis base in you To be so flippant with your hands. For what Affront's more gross than to receive a friend Under your roof, and tamper with his mistress? And, last night in your cups too, how indecent And rudely you behav'd!

SYRUS. 'Tis very true.

CHREM. So very troublesome, so help me Heav'n, I fear'd the consequence. I know the ways Of lovers: they oft take offense at things You dream not of.

CLIT. But my companion, Sir, Is confident I would not wrong him.

CHREM. Granted. Yet you should cease to hang forever on them. Withdraw, and leave them sometimes to themselves. Love has a thousand sallies; you restrain them. I can conjecture from myself. There's none, How near soever, Clitipho, to whom I dare lay open all my weaknesses. With one my pride forbids it, with another The very action shames me: and believe me, It is the same with him; and 'tis our place To mark on what occasions to indulge him.

SYRUS. What says he now? (Aside.)

CLIT. Confusion!

SYRUS. Clitipho, These are the very precepts that I gave you: And how discreet and temperate you've been!

CLIT. Prithee, peace!

SYRUS. Aye, I warrant you.

CHREM. Oh, Syrus, I'm quite asham'd of him.

SYRUS. I do not doubt it. Nor without reason; for it troubles me.

CLIT. Still, rascal!

SYRUS. Nay, I do but speak the truth.

CLIT. May I not then go near them?

CHREM. Prithee, then, Is there one way alone of going near them?

SYRUS. Confusion! he'll betray himself before I get the money. (Aside.)—Chremes, will you once Hear a fool's counsel?

CHREM. What do you advise?

SYRUS. Order your son about his business.

CLIT. Whither?

SYRUS. Whither! where'er you please. Give place to them. Go take a walk.

CLIT. Walk! where?

SYRUS. A pretty question! This, that, or any way.

CHREM. He says right. Go!

CLIT. Now, plague upon you, Syrus! (Going.)

SYRUS (to CLITIPHO, going). Henceforth, learn To keep those hands of yours at rest. (Exit CLITIPHO.

[Changes:

CLIT. Still, rascal! 1768 edition has question mark]

SCENE VI.

CHREMES, SYRUS.

D'ye mind? What think you, Chremes, will become of him, Unless you do your utmost to preserve, Correct, and counsel him?

CHREM. I'll take due care.

SYRUS. But now's your time, Sir, to look after him.

CHREM. It shall be done.

SYRUS. It must be, if you're wise: For ev'ry day he minds me less and less.

CHREM. But, Syrus, say, what progress have you made In that affair I just now mention'd to you? Have you struck out a scheme that pleases you? Or are you still to seek?

SYRUS. The plot, you mean, On Menedemus. I've just hit on one.

CHREM. Good fellow! prithee now, what is't?

SYRUS. I'll tell you. But as one thing brings in another——

CHREM. Well?

SYRUS. This Bacchis is a sad jade.

CHREM. So it seems.

SYRUS. Aye, Sir, if you knew all; nay, even now She's hatching mischief.—Dwelling hereabouts, There was of late an old Corinthian woman, To whom this Bacchis lent a thousand pieces.

CHREM. What then?

SYRUS. The woman's dead; and left behind A daughter, very young, whom she bequeath'd, By way of pledge, to Bacchis for the money.

CHREM. I understand.

SYRUS. This girl came here with Bacchis, And now is with your wife.

CHREM. What then?

SYRUS. She begs Of Clinia to advance the cash; for which She'll give the girl as an equivalent. She wants the thousand pieces.

CHREM. Does she so?

SYRUS. No doubt on't.

CHREM. So I thought.—And what do you Intend to do?

SYRUS. Who? I, Sir? I'll away To Menedemus presently; and tell him This maiden is a rich and noble captive, Stolen from Caria; and to ransom her Will greatly profit him.

CHREM. 'Twill never do.

SYRUS. How so?

CHREM. I answer now for Menedemus. I will not purchase her. What say you now?

SYRUS. Give a more favorable answer!

CHREM. No, There's no occasion.

SYRUS. No occasion?

CHREM. No.

SYRUS. I can not comprehend you.

CHREM. I'll explain. —But hold! what now? whence comes it that our door Opens so hastily?

[Changes:

CHREMES, SYRUS. character names supplied from 1768 edition]

SCENE VII.

Enter at a distance SOSTRATA with a ring, and the NURSE.

SOSTRA. Or I'm deceiv'd, Or this is certainly the very ring; The ring with which my daughter was expos'd.

CHREM. (to SYRUS, behind). What can those words mean, Syrus?

SOSTRA. Tell me, Nurse! Does it appear to you to be the same?

NURSE. Aye, marry: and the very moment that You show'd it me, I said it was the same.

SOSTRA. But have you thoroughly examin'd, Nurse?

NURSE. Aye, thoroughly.

SOSTRA. In then, and let me know If she has yet done bathing; and meanwhile I'll wait my husband here. (Exit NURSE.

SYRUS. She wants you, Sir! inquire What she would have. She's grave, I know not why. 'Tis not for nothing; and I fear the cause.

CHREM. The cause? pshaw! nothing. She'll take mighty pains To be deliver'd of some mighty trifle.

SOSTRA. (seeing them). Oh husband!

CHREM. Oh wife!

SOSTRA. I was looking for you,

CHREM. Your pleasure?

SOSTRA. First, I must entreat you then, Believe, I would not dare do any thing Against your order.

CHREM. What! must I believe A thing past all belief?—I do believe it.

SYRUS. This exculpation bodes some fault, I'm sure. (Aside.)

SOSTRA. Do you remember, I was pregnant once, When you assur'd me with much earnestness, That if I were deliver'd of a girl, You would not have the child brought up?

CHREM. I know What you have done. You have brought up the child.

SYRUS. Madam, if so, my master gains a loss.

SOSTRA. No, I have not: but there was at that time An old Corinthian woman dwelling here, To whom I gave the child to be expos'd.

CHREM. O Jupiter! was ever such a fool!

SOSTRA. Ah, what have I committed?

CHREM. What committed!

SOSTRA. If I've offended, Chremes, 'tis a crime Of ignorance, and nothing of my purpose.

CHREM. Own it or not, I know it well enough, That ignorantly, and imprudently, You do and say all things; how many faults In this one action are you guilty of! For first, had you complied with my commands, The girl had been dispatch'd; and not her death Pretended, and hopes given of her life. But that I do not dwell upon: You'll cry, "—Pity,—a mother's fondness."—I allow it. But then how rarely you provided for her! What could you mean? consider!—for 'tis plain, You have betray'd your child to that old beldam, Either for prostitution, or for sale. So she but liv'd, it was enough, you thought: No matter how, or what vile life she led. —What can one do, or how proceed, with those, Who know of neither reason, right, nor justice? Better or worse, for or against, they see Nothing but what they list.

SOSTRA. My dearest Chremes, I own I have offended: I'm convinc'd. But since you're more experienc'd than myself, I pray you be the more indulgent too, And let my weakness shelter in your justice.

CHREM. Well, well, I pardon you: but, Sostrata, Forgiving you thus easily, I do But teach you to offend again. But come, Say, wherefore you began this?

SOSTRA. As we women Are generally weak and superstitious, When first to this Corinthian old woman I gave the little infant, from my finger I drew a ring, and charg'd her to expose That with my daughter: that if chance she died, She might have part of our possessions with her.

CHREM. 'Twas right: you thus preserv'd yourself and her.

SOSTRA. This is that ring.

CHREM. Where had it you?

SOSTRA. The girl That Bacchis brought with her——

SYRUS. Ha! (Aside.)

CHREM. What says she?

SOSTRA. Desir'd I'd keep it while she went to bathe. I took no notice on't, at first; but I No sooner look'd on't than I knew't again, And straight ran out to you.

CHREM. And what d'ye think, Or know concerning her?

SOSTRA. I can not tell, Till you inquire it of herself, and find, If possible, from whence she had the ring.

SYRUS. Undone! I see more hope than I desire. She's ours, if this be so. (Aside.)

CHREM. Is she alive To whom you gave the child?

SOSTRA. I do not know.

CHREM. What did she tell you formerly?

SOSTRA. That she Had done what I commanded her.

CHREM. Her name; That we may make inquiry.

SOSTRA. Philtere.

SYRUS. The very same! she's found, and I am lost. (Aside.)

CHREM. In with me, Sostrata!

SOSTRA. Beyond my hopes. How much I fear'd you should continue still So rigidly inclin'd, as formerly, When you refus'd to educate her, Chremes!

CHREM. Men can not always be as they desire, But must be govern'd by their fortunes still. The times are alter'd with me, and I wish To have a daughter now; then, nothing less.

[Changes:

Harper SYRUS. She wants you, Sir! inquire What she would have. She's grave, I know not why. Colman 1768 SYRUS. She wants you, Sir! Enquire, what she would have. She's very grave.]



ACT THE FOURTH.

SCENE I.

SYRUS, alone.

My mind misgives me, my defeat is nigh, This unexpected incident has driven My forces into such a narrow pass, I can not even handsomely retreat Without some feint, to hinder our old man From seeing that this wench is Clitipho's. As for the money, and the trick I dream'd of, Those hopes are flown, and I shall hold it triumph, So I but 'scape a scouring—Cursed fortune, To have so delicate a morsel snatch'd Out of my very jaws!—What shall I do? What new device? for I must change my plan. —Nothing so difficult, but may be won By industry.—Suppose, I try it thus. (Thinking.) —'Twill never do.—Or thus?—No better still. But thus I think.—No, no.—Yes, excellent! Courage! I have it.—Good!—Good!—best of all!—— —'Faith, I begin to hope to lay fast hold Of that same slipp'ry money after all.

SCENE II.

Enter CLINIA at another part of the stage.

CLIN. Henceforward, fate, do with me what thou wilt! Such is my joy, so full and absolute, I can not know vexation. From this hour To you, my father, I resign myself, Content to be more frugal than you wish!

SYRUS (overhearing). 'Tis just as I suppos'd. The girl's acknowledged; His raptures speak it so.— (Going up.) I'm overjoyed That things have happen'd to your wish.

CLIN. O Syrus! Have you then heard it too?

SYRUS. I heard it? Aye: I, who was present at the very time!

CLIN. Was ever any thing so lucky?

SYRUS. Nothing.

CLIN. Now, Heav'n so help me, I rejoice at this On her account much rather than my own, Her, whom I know worthy the highest honors.

SYRUS. No doubt on't.—But now, Clinia, hold a while! Give me a moment's hearing in my turn. For your friend's business must be thought of now, And well secur'd, lest our old gentleman Suspect about the wench.

CLIN. O Jupiter! (In raptures.)

SYRUS. Peace! (Impatiently.)

CLIN. My Antiphila shall be my wife.

SYRUS. And will you interrupt me?

CLIN. Oh, my Syrus, What can I do! I'm overjoy'd. Bear with me.

SYRUS. Troth so I do.

CLIN. We're happy, as the Gods.

SYRUS. I lose my labor on you.

CLIN. Speak; I hear.

SYRUS. Aye, but you don't attend.

CLIN. I'm all attention.

SYRUS. I say then, Clinia, that your friend's affairs Must be attended to, and well secur'd: For if you now depart abruptly from us, And leave the wench upon our hands, my master Will instantly discover she belongs To Clitipho. But if you take her off, It will remain, as still it is, a secret.

CLIN. But, Syrus, this is flatly opposite To what I most devoutly wish, my marriage, For with what face shall I accost my father? D'ye understand me?

SYRUS. Aye.

CLIN. What can I say? What reason can I give him?

SYRUS. Tell no lie. Speak the plain truth.

CLIN. How?

SYRUS. Every syllable. Tell him your passion for Antiphila; Tell him you wish to marry her, and tell him, Bacchis belongs to Clitipho.

CLIN. 'Tis well, In reason, and may easily be done: And then besides you'd have me win my father, To keep it hid from your old gentleman.

SYRUS. No; rather to prevail on him, to go And tell him the whole truth immediately.

CLIN. How? are you mad? or drunk? You'll be the ruin Of Clitipho: for how can he be safe? Eh, Sirrah!

SYRUS. That's my master-piece: this plot Is my chief glory, and I'm proud to think I have such force, such power of cunning in me, As to be able to deceive them both, By speaking the plain truth: that when your father Tells Chremes, Bacchis is his own son's mistress, He sha'n't believe it.

CLIN. But that way again You blast my hopes of marriage: for while Chremes Supposes her my mistress, he'll not grant His daughter to me. You, perhaps, don't care, So you provide for him, what comes of me.

SYRUS. Why, plague! d'ye think I'd have you counterfeit Forever? but a day, to give me time To bubble Chremes of the money.—Peace! Not an hour more.

CLIN. Is that sufficient for you? But then, suppose his father find it out!

SYRUS. Suppose, as some folks say, the sky should fall!

CLIN. Still I'm afraid.

SYRUS. Afraid indeed, as if It was not in your pow'r, whene'er you pleas'd, To clear yourself, and tell the whole affair.

CLIN. Well, well, let Bacchis be brought over then!

SYRUS. Well said; and here she comes.

[Changes:

Harper SYRUS. I heard it? Aye: Colman 1768 SYRUS. Undoubtedly.]

SCENE III.

Enter BACCHIS, PHRYGIA, etc., at another part of the stage.

BACCH. Upon my life, This Syrus with his golden promises Has fool'd me hither charmingly! Ten minae He gave me full assurance of: but if He now deceives me, come whene'er he will, Canting and fawning to allure me hither, It shall be all in vain; I will not stir. Or when I have agreed, and fix'd a time, Of which he shall have giv'n his master notice, And Clitipho is all agog with hope, I'll fairly jilt them both, and not come near them; And master Syrus' back shall smart for it.

CLIN. She promises you very fair.

SYRUS. D'ye think She jests? She'll do it, if I don't take heed.

BACCH. They sleep: i' faith, I'll rouse them. Hark ye, Phrygia, Didst note the villa of Charinus, which That fellow just now show'd us? (Aloud.)

PHRY. I did, Madam.

BACCH. The next house on the right hand. (Aloud.)

PHRY. I remember.

BACCH. Run thither quickly: for the Captain spends The Dionysia there. (Aloud.)

SYRUS (behind). What means she now?

BACCH. Tell him I'm here; and sore against my will, Detain'd by force; but that I'll find some means To slip away and come to him. (Aloud.)

SYRUS. Confusion!— (Comes forward.) Stay, Bacchis, Bacchis! where d'ye send that girl? Bid her stop!

BACCH. Go! (To PHRYGIA.)

SYRUS. The money's ready.

BACCH. Then I stay. (PHRYGIA returns.)

SYRUS. This instant you shall have it, Bacchis.

BACCH. When you please; I don't press you.

SYRUS. But d'ye know What you're to do?

BACCH. Why, what?

SYRUS. You must go over, You and your equipage, to Menedemus.

BACCH. What are you at now, sauce-box?

SYRUS. Coining money For your use, Bacchis.

BACCH. Do you think to play Your jests on me?

SYRUS. No; this is downright earnest.

BACCH. Are you the person I'm to deal with?

SYRUS. No. But there I'll pay the money.

BACCH. Let us go then!

SYRUS. Follow her there.——Ho, Dromo!

[Changes:

Harper Didst note the villa of Charinus, which That fellow just now show'd us? PHRY. I did, Madam. BACCH. The next house on the right hand. PHRY. I remember. Colman 1768 Did you observe the villa of Charinus, Which yonder fellow shew'd us? PHRY. I did, Madam. BACCH. The next upon the right. PHRY. I recollect.

Harper Detain'd by force; but that I'll find some means Colman 1768 Detain'd by force; but I'll devise some means

Harper SYRUS. The money's ready. BACCH. Then I stay. SYRUS. This instant you shall have it, Bacchis. Colman 1768 SYRUS. The money's ready for you BACCH. Oh! then I stay. SYRUS. You shall be paid directly.

Harper But there I'll pay the money. Colman 1768 But 'twill secure your money.]

SCENE IV.

Enter DROMO.

DROMO. Who calls?

SYRUS. Syrus.

DROMO. Your pleasure! What's the matter now?

SYRUS. Conduct All Bacchis' maids to your house instantly.

DROMO. Why so?

SYRUS. No questions: let them carry over All they brought hither. Our old gentleman Will think himself reliev'd from much expense By their departure. Troth, he little knows With how much loss this small gain threatens him. If you're wise, Dromo, know not what you know.

DROMO. I'm dumb.

(Exit DROMO, with BACCHIS' servants and baggage, into the house of MENEDEMUS.

SCENE V.

After which, enter CHREMES.

CHREM. (to himself). 'Fore Heav'n, I pity Menedemus. His case is lamentable: to maintain That jade and all her harlot family! Although I know for some few days to come He will not feel it; so exceedingly He long'd to have his son: but when he sees Such monstrous household riot and expense Continue daily, without end or measure, He'll wish his son away from him again. But yonder's Syrus in good time. (Seeing SYRUS.)

SYRUS. I'll to him. (Aside.)

CHREM. Syrus!

SYRUS. Who's there? (Turning about.)

CHREM. What now?

SYRUS. The very man! I have been wishing for you this long time.

CHREM. You seem to've been at work with the old man.

SYRUS. What! at our plot? No sooner said than done.

CHREM. Indeed!

SYRUS. Indeed.

CHREM. I can't forbear to stroke Your head for it. Good lad! come nearer, Syrus! I'll do thee some good turn for this. I will, I promise you. (Patting his head.)

SYRUS. Ah, if you did but know How luckily it came into my head!

CHREM. Pshaw, are you vain of your good luck?

SYRUS. Not I. I speak the plain truth.

CHREM. Let me know it then.

SYRUS. Clinia has told his father that the wench Is mistress to your Clitipho; and that He brought her with him hither, to prevent Your smoking it.

CHREM. Incomparable!

SYRUS. Really?

CHREM. O, admirable!

SYRUS. Aye, if you knew all. But only hear the rest of our advice. He'll tell his father he has seen your daughter, Whose beauty has so charm'd him at first sight, He longs to marry her.

CHREM. Antiphila?

SYRUS. The same: and he'll request him to demand her Of you in marriage.

CHREM. To what purpose, Syrus? I don't conceive the drift on't.

SYRUS. No! you're slow.

CHREM. Perhaps so.

SYRUS. Menedemus instantly Will furnish him with money for the wedding, To buy——d'ye take me?

CHREM. Clothes and jewels.

SYRUS. Aye.

CHREM. But I will neither marry, nor betroth My daughter to him.

SYRUS. No? Why?

CHREM. Why!—is that A question? to a wretch!——

SYRUS. Well, as you please. I never meant that he should marry her, But only to pretend——

CHREM. I hate pretense. Plot as you please, but do not render me An engine in your rogueries. Shall I Contract my daughter, where I never can Consent to marry her?

SYRUS. I fancied so.

CHREM. Not I.

SYRUS. It might be done most dextrously: And, in obedience to your strict commands, I undertook this business.

CHREM. I believe it.

SYRUS. However, Sir, I meant it well.

CHREM. Nay, nay, Do't by all means, and spare no trouble in't; But bring your scheme to bear some other way.

SYRUS. It shall be done: I'll think upon some other. —But then the money which I mention'd to you, Owing to Bacchis by Antiphila, Must be repaid her: and you will not now Attempt to shift the matter off; or say, "—What is't to me? was I the borrower? Did I command it? Could she pledge my daughter Against my will?"——You can say none of this; For 'tis a common saying, and a true, That strictest law is oft the highest wrong.

CHREM. I mean not to evade it.

SYRUS. No, I'll warrant. Nay you, though others did, could never think on't; For all the world imagines you've acquir'd A fair and handsome fortune.

CHREM. I will carry The money to her instantly myself.

SYRUS. No; rather send it by your son.

CHREM. Why so!

SYRUS. Because he acts the part of her gallant.

CHREM. What then?

SYRUS. Why then 'twill seem more probable, If he presents it: I too shall effect My scheme more easily.—And here he is.—— In, Sir, and fetch the money out.

CHREM. I will. (Exit CHREMES.

[Changes:

Harper After which, enter CHREMES. Colman 1768 Enter CHREMES.

Harper CHREM. You seem to've been at work with the old man. Colman 1768 CHREM. You seem to've been at work with Menedemus.

Harper He brought her with him hither, to prevent Your smoking it. CHREM. Incomparable! SYRUS. Really? CHREM. O, admirable! SYRUS. Aye, if you knew all. But only hear the rest of our advice. Colman 1768 He brought her over with him to their house, To hinder your detecting it. CHREM. Good! good! SYRUS. D'ye think so? CHREM. Charming! SYRUS. Aye, if you knew all. But only hear the rest of our device.

Harper Against my will?"——You can say none of this; Colman 1768 Against my will?"——These pleas you cannot urge;]

SCENE VI.

Enter CLITIPHO.

CLIT. (to himself). Nothing so easy in itself, but when Perform'd against one's will, grows difficult. This little walk how easy! yet how faint And weary it has made me!—and I fear Lest I be still excluded, and forbid To come near Bacchis. (Seeing SYRUS.)—Now all powers above. Confound you, Syrus, for the trick you play'd me! That brain of yours is evermore contriving Some villainy to torture me withal.

SYRUS. Away, you malapert! Your frowardness Had well-nigh ruin'd me.

CLIT. I would it had, As you deserv'd!

SYRUS. As I deserv'd!—How's that?—— Before you touch'd the cash, that I was just About to give you.

CLIT. Why, what can I say? You went away; came back, beyond my hopes, And brought my mistress with you; then again Forbade my touching her.

SYRUS. Well, well, I can't Be peevish with you now—But do you know Where Bacchis is?

CLIT. At our house.

SYRUS. No.

CLIT. Where then?

SYRUS. At Clinia's.

CLIT. Then I'm ruin'd.

SYRUS. Courage, man! You shall go to her instantly, and carry The money that you promis'd her.

CLIT. Fine talk! Where should I get it?

SYRUS. From your father.

CLIT. Pshaw! You play upon me.

SYRUS. The event shall show.

CLIT. Then I am bless'd indeed. Thanks, thanks, dear Syrus!

SYRUS. Hist! here's your father.—Have a care! don't seem Surpris'd at any thing: give way in all: Do as he bids, and say but little. Mum!

[Changes:

Harper SYRUS. Away, you malapert! Your frowardness Had well-nigh ruin'd me. CLIT. I would it had, As you deserv'd! SYRUS. As I deserv'd!—How's that?—— Colman 1768 SYRUS. Away, you malapert! Your frowardness Had well-nigh been my ruin. CLIT. Would it had! For you deserv'd it richly. SYRUS. How! deserv'd it? I'faith I'm glad I heard you say so much]

SCENE VII.

Enter CHREMES.

CHREM. Where's Clitipho?

SYRUS (to CLITIPHO). Here, say.

CLIT. Here, Sir!

CHREM. Have you Inform'd him of the business? (To SYRUS.)

SYRUS. In good part.

CHREM. Here, take the money then, and carry it. (To CLITIPHO.)

SYRUS. Plague, how you stand, log!—take it.

CLIT. Give it me. (Awkwardly.)

SYRUS. Now in with me immediately!—You, Sir, (To CHREMES.) Be pleas'd meanwhile to wait our coming here; There's nothing to detain us very long. (Exit CLITIPHO and SYRUS.

SCENE VIII.

CHREMES alone.

My daughter now has had ten minae of me, Which I account laid out upon her board: Ten more her clothes will come to: and moreover Two talents for her portion.——How unjust And absolute is custom! I must now Leave every thing, and find a stranger out, On whom I may bestow the sum of wealth Which I have so much labor'd to acquire.

SCENE IX.

Enter MENEDEMUS.

MENE. (to himself). Oh son, how happy hast thou made thy father, Convinc'd of thy repentance!

CHREM. (overhearing). How mistaken!

MENE. Chremes! I wish'd for you.—'Tis in your power, And I beseech you do it, to preserve My son, myself, and family.

CHREM. I'll do't. Wherein can I oblige you?

MENE. You to-day Have found a daughter.

CHREM. True. What then?

MENE. My Clinia Begs your consent to marry her.

CHREM. Good Heaven! What kind of man are you?

MENE. What mean you, Chremes?

CHREM. Has it then slipp'd your memory so soon, The conversation that we had together, Touching the rogueries they should devise, To trick you of your money?

MENE. I remember.

CHREM. This is the trick.

MENE. How, Chremes? I'm deceiv'd. 'Tis as you say. From what a pleasing hope Have I then fall'n!

CHREM. And she, I warrant you, Now at your house, is my son's mistress? Eh!

MENE. So they say.

CHREM. What! and you believ'd it?

MENE. All.

CHREM. —And they say too he wants to marry her; That soon as I've consented, you may give him Money to furnish her with jewels, clothes, And other necessaries.

MENE. Aye, 'tis so: The money's for his mistress.

CHREM. To be sure.

MENE. Alas, my transports are all groundless then. —Yet I would rather bear with any thing, Than lose my son again.—What answer, Chremes, Shall I return with, that he mayn't perceive I've found him out, and take offense?

CHREM. Offense! You're too indulgent to him, Menedemus!

MENE. Allow me. I've begun, and must go through. Do but continue to assist me.

CHREM. Say, That we have met, and treated of the match.

MENE. Well; and what else?

CHREM. That I give full consent; That I approve my son-in-law;—In short, You may assure him also, if you please, That I've betroth'd my daughter to him.

MENE. Good! The thing I wanted.

CHREM. So shall he the sooner Demand the money; you, as you desire, The sooner give.

MENE. 'Tis my desire indeed.

CHREM. 'Troth, friend, as far as I can judge of this, You'll soon be weary of your son again. But as the case now stands, give cautiously, A little at a time, if you are wise.

MENE. I will.

CHREM. Go in, and see what he demands. If you should want me, I'm at home.

MENE. 'Tis well. For I shall let you know, do what I will. (Exeunt severally.

[Changes:

Harper Do but continue to assist me. CHREM. Say, That we have met, and treated of the match. Colman 1768 Do but continue to assist me, Chremes. CHREM. Say we have met, and treated of the match.

Harper MENE. Good! The thing I wanted. CHREM. So shall he the sooner Demand the money; you, as you desire, The sooner give. MENE. 'Tis my desire indeed. CHREM. 'Troth, friend, as far as I can judge of this, You'll soon be weary of your son again. But as the case now stands, give cautiously, A little at a time, if you are wise. Colman 1768 MENE. Good! The very thing I wanted. CHREM. So your son The sooner shall demand the money of you; And so shall you, according to your wish The sooner give. MENE. It is my wish indeed. CHREM. 'Fore heaven, friend, as far as I can judge, You'll soon be weary of your son again. But be it as it may, give cautiously, A little at a time, if you are wise.]



ACT THE FIFTH.

SCENE I.

MENEDEMUS alone.

That I'm not overwise, no conjurer, I know full well: but my assistant here, And counselor, and grand controller Chremes, Outgoes me far: dolt, blockhead, ninny, ass; Or these, or any other common terms By which men speak of fools, befit me well: But him they suit not: his stupidity Is so transcendent, it exceeds them all.

SCENE II.

Enter CHREMES.

CHREM. (to SOSTRATA, within). Nay prithee, good wife, cease to stun the Gods With thanking them that you have found your daughter; Unless you fancy they are like yourself, And think they can not understand a thing Unless said o'er and o'er a hundred times. —But meanwhile (coming forward) wherefore do my son and Syrus Loiter so long?

MENE. Who are those loiterers, Chremes?

CHREM. Ha, Menedemus, are you there?—Inform me, Have you told Clinia what I said?

MENE. The whole.

CHREM. And what said he?

MENE. Grew quite transported at it, Like those who wish for marriage.

CHREM. Ha! ha! ha!

MENE. What do you laugh at?

CHREM. I was thinking of The cunning rogueries of that slave, Syrus. (Laughing.)

MENE. Oh, was that it?

CHREM. Why, he can form and mould The very visages of men, a rogue! (Laughing.)

MENE. Meaning my son's well-acted transport?

CHREM. Aye. (Laughing.)

MENE. The very same thing I was thinking of.

CHREM. A subtle villain! (Laughing.)

MENE. Nay, if you knew more, You'd be still more convinc'd on't.

CHREM. Say you so?

MENE. Aye; do but hear.

CHREM. (laughing). Hold! hold! inform me first How much you're out of pocket. For as soon As you inform'd your son of my consent, Dromo, I warrant, gave you a broad hint That the bride wanted jewels, clothes, attendants; That you might pay the money.

MENE. No.

CHREM. How? No?

MENE. No, I say.

CHREM. What! nor Clinia?

MENE. Not a word; But only press'd the marriage for to-day.

CHREM. Amazing!—But our Syrus? Did not he Throw in a word or two?

MENE. Not he.

CHREM. How so?

MENE. Faith I can't tell: but I'm amaz'd that you, Who see so clearly into all the rest, Should stick at this.—But that arch villain Syrus Has form'd and moulded your son too so rarely. That nobody can have the least suspicion That this is Clinia's mistress.

CHREM. How?

MENE. I pass Their kisses and embraces. All that's nothing.

CHREM. What is there more than he can counterfeit?

MENE. Ah! (Smiling.)

CHREM. What d'ye mean?

MENE. Nay, do but hear. I have A private snug apartment, a back room, Whither a bed was brought and made.

CHREM. What then?

MENE. No sooner done, than in went Clitipho.

CHREM. Alone?

MENE. Alone.

CHREM. I tremble.

MENE. Bacchis follow'd.

CHREM. Alone?

MENE. Alone.

CHREM. Undone!

MENE. No sooner in, But they made fast the door.

CHREM. Ha! And was Clinia Witness to this?

MENE. He was.—Both he and I.

CHREM. Bacchis is my son's mistress, Menedemus. I'm ruin'd.

MENE. Why d'ye think so?

CHREM. Mine is scarce A ten-days' family.

MENE. What are you dismay'd Because he sticks so closely to his friend?

CHREM. Friend! His she-friend.

MENE. If so——

CHREM. Is that a doubt? Is any man so courteous, and so patient, As tamely to stand by and see his mistress——

MENE. Ha, ha, ha! Why not?—That I, you know, Might be more easily impos'd upon. (Ironically.)

CHREM. D'ye laugh at me? I'm angry with myself: And well I may. How many circumstances Conspir'd to make it gross and palpable, Had I not been a stone!—What things I saw! Fool, fool! But by my life I'll be reveng'd: For now——

MENE. And can't you then contain yourself? Have you no self-respect? And am not I A full example for you?

CHREM. Menedemus, My anger throws me quite beside myself.

MENE. That you should talk thus! is it not a shame To be so lib'ral of advice to others, So wise abroad, and poor in sense at home?

CHREM. What shall I do?

MENE. That which but even now You counsel'd me to do: Give him to know That you're indeed a father: let him dare Trust his whole soul to you, seek, ask of you; Lest he to others have recourse, and leave you.

CHREM. And let him go; go where he will; much rather Than here by his extravagance reduce His father to distress and beggary. For if I should continue to supply The course of his expenses, Menedemus, Your desp'rate rakes would be my lot indeed.

MENE. Ah, to what evils you'll expose yourself, Unless you're cautious! You will seem severe, And yet forgive him afterward, and then With an ill grace too.

CHREM. Ah, you do not know How much this grieves me.

MENE. Well, well, take your way. But tell me, do you grant me my request That this your new-found daughter wed my son? Or is there aught more welcome to you?

CHREM. Nothing. The son-in-law and the alliance please me.

MENE. What portion shall I tell my son you've settled! Why are you silent?

CHREM. Portion!

MENE. Aye, what portion?

CHREM. Ah!

MENE. Fear not, Chremes, though it be but small: The portion nothing moves us.

CHREM. I propos'd, According to my fortune, that two talents Were full sufficient: But you now must say, If you'd save me, my fortune, and my son, That I have settled all I have upon her.

MENE. What mean you?

CHREM. Counterfeit amazement too, And question Clitipho my reason for it.

MENE. Nay, but I really do not know your reason.

CHREM. My reason for it?—That his wanton mind, Now flush'd with lux'ry and lasciviousness, I may o'erwhelm: and bring him down so low, He may not know which way to turn himself.

MENE. What are you at?

CHREM. Allow me! let me have My own way in this business.

MENE. I allow you. Is it your pleasure?

CHREM. It is.

MENE. Be it so.

CHREM. Come then, let Clinia haste to call the bride. And for this son of mine, he shall be school'd, As children ought.—But Syrus!

MENE. What of him?

CHREM. What! I'll so handle him, so curry him, That while he lives he shall remember me. (Exit MENEDEMUS. What, make a jest of me? a laughing-stock? Now, afore Heav'n, he would not dare to treat A poor lone widow as he treated me.

[Changes:

Harper MENE. The very same thing I was thinking of. Colman 1768 MENE. The very thing that I was thinking of.

CHREM. What is there more that he can counterfeit? Harper edition reads "more than he"

Fool, fool! But by my life I'll be reveng'd: the 1896 Harper printing has "I'll he". Everywhere else, the 1859 and 1896 printings appear to be made from the same plates]

SCENE III.

Re-enter MENEDEMUS, with CLITIPHO and SYRUS.

CLIT. And can it, Menedemus, can it be, My father has so suddenly cast off All natural affection? for what act? What crime, alas! so heinous have I done? It is a common failing.

MENE. This I know, Should be more heavy and severe to you On whom it falls: and yet am I no less Affected by it, though I know not why, And have no other reason for my grief, But that I wish you well.

CLIT. Did not you say My father waited here?

MENE. Aye; there he is. (Exit MENEDEMUS.

CHREM. Why d'ye accuse your father, Clitipho? Whate'er I've done, was providently done Tow'rd you and your imprudence. When I saw Your negligence of soul, and that you held The pleasures of to-day your only care, Regardless of the morrow; I found means That you should neither want, nor waste my substance. When you, whom fair succession first made heir, Stood self-degraded by unworthiness, I went to those the next in blood to you, Committing and consigning all to them. There shall your weakness, Clitipho, be sure Ever to find a refuge; food, and raiment, And roof to fly to.

CLIT. Ah me!

CHREM. Better thus, Than, you being heir, for Bacchis to have all.

SYRUS. Distraction! what disturbances have I, Wretch that I am, all unawares created!

CLIT. Would I were dead!

CHREM. Learn first what 'tis to live. When you know that, if life displeases you, Then talk of dying.

SYRUS. Master, may I speak?

CHREM. Speak.

SYRUS. But with safety?

CHREM. Speak.

SYRUS. How wrong is this, Or rather what extravagance and madness, To punish him for my offense!

CHREM. Away! Do not you meddle. No one blames you, Syrus! Nor need you to provide a sanctuary, Or intercessor.

SYRUS. What is it you do?

CHREM. I am not angry, nor with you, nor him: Nor should you take offense at what I do. (Exit CHREMES.

SCENE IV.

Manent CLITIPHO, SYRUS.

SYRUS. He's gone. Ah, would I'd ask'd him——

CLIT. Ask'd what, Syrus?

SYRUS. Where I should eat, since he has cast us off. You, I perceive, are quarter'd on your sister.

CLIT. Is't come to this, that I should be in fear Of starving, Syrus?

SYRUS. So we do but live, There's hope——

CLIT. Of what?

SYRUS. That we shall have rare stomachs.

CLIT. D'ye jest at such a time as this; And lend me no assistance by your counsel?

SYRUS. Nay, I was studying for you even now. And was so all the while your father spoke. And far as I can understand this——

CLIT. What?

SYRUS. Stay, you shall have it presently. (Thinking.)

CLIT. Well, what?

SYRUS. Thus then: I don't believe that you're their son.

CLIT. How Syrus! are you mad?

SYRUS. I'll speak my thoughts. Be you the judge. While they had you alone, While yet there was no other nearer joy, You they indulg'd, and gave with open hand: But now a daughter's found, their real child, A cause is found to drive you forth.

CLIT. 'Tis like.

SYRUS. Think you this fault so angers him?

CLIT. I think not.

SYRUS. Consider too; 'tis ever found that mothers Plead for their sons, and in the father's wrath Defend them. 'Tis not so at present.

CLIT. True. What shall I do then, Syrus?

SYRUS. Ask of them The truth of this suspicion. Speak your thoughts. If 'tis not so, you'll speedily incline them Both to compassion; or, if so, be told Whose son you are.

CLIT. Your counsel's good. I'll do't.

[Changes:

Manent CLITIPHO, SYRUS. names supplied from 1768 edition]

SCENE V.

SYRUS alone.

A lucky thought of mine! for Clitipho: The less he hopes, so much more easily Will he reduce his father to good terms. Besides, who knows but he may take a wife? No thanks to Syrus neither.—But who's here? Chremes!—I'm off: for seeing what has pass'd, I wonder that he did not order me To be truss'd up immediately. I'll hence To Menedemus, and prevail on him To intercede for me: as matters stand, I dare not trust to our old gentleman. (Exit SYRUS.

SCENE VI.

Enter CHREMES, SOSTRATA.

SOSTRA. Nay indeed, husband, if you don't take care, You'll bring some kind of mischief on your son: I can't imagine how a thought so idle Could come into your head.

CHREM. Still, woman, still D'ye contradict me? Did I ever wish For any thing in all my life, but you In that same thing oppos'd me, Sostrata? Yet now if I should ask wherein I'm wrong, Or wherefore I act thus, you do not know. Why then d'ye contradict me, simpleton?

SOSTRA. Not know?

CHREM. Well, well, you know: I grant it, rather Than hear your idle story o'er again.

SOSTRA. Ah, 'tis unjust in you to ask my silence In such a thing as this.

CHREM. I do not ask it. Speak if you will: I'll do it ne'ertheless.

SOSTRA. Will you?

CHREM. I will.

SOSTRA. You don't perceive what harm May come of this. He thinks himself a foundling.

CHREM. A foundling, say you?

SOSTRA. Yes indeed, he does.

CHREM. Confess it to be true.

SOSTRA. Ah, Heav'n forbid! Let our most bitter enemies do that! Shall I disown my son, my own dear child!

CHREM. What! do you fear you can not at your pleasure Produce convincing proofs that he's your own?

SOSTRA. Is it because my daughter's found you say this?

CHREM. No: but because, a stronger reason far, His manners so resemble yours, you may Easily prove him thence to be your son. He is quite like you: not a vice, whereof He is inheritor, but dwells in you: And such a son no mother but yourself Could have engender'd.—But he comes.—How grave! Look in his face, and you may guess his plight.

[Changes:

Harper His manners so resemble yours, you may Easily prove him thence to be your son. Colman 1768 His manners are so very like your own, They are convincing proofs that he's your son]

SCENE VII.

Enter CLITIPHO.

CLIT. Oh mother, if there ever was a time When you took pleasure in me, or delight To call me son, beseech you, think of that; Pity my present misery, and tell me Who are my real parents!

SOSTRA. My dear son, Take not, I beg, that notion to your mind, That you're an alien to our blood.

CLIT. I am.

SOSTRA. Ah me! and can you then demand me that? So may you prosper after both, as you're Of both the child! and if you love your mother, Take heed henceforward that I never hear Such words from you.

CHREM. And if you fear your father, See that I never find such vices in you.

CLIT. What vices?

CHREM. What? I'll tell you. Trifler, idler, Cheat, drunkard, whoremaster, and prodigal. —Think this, and think that you are ours.

SOSTRA. These words Suit not a father.

CHREM. No, no, Clitipho, Though from my brain you had been born, as Pallas Sprang, it is said, from Jupiter, I would not Bear the disgrace of your enormities.

SOSTRA. The Gods forbid——

CHREM. I know not for the Gods: I will do all that lies in me. You seek For parents, which you have: but what is wanting, Obedience to your father, and the means To keep what he by labor hath acquir'd, For that you seek not.—Did you not by tricks Ev'n to my presence introduce——I blush To speak immodestly before your mother: But you by no means blush'd to do't.

CLIT. Alas! How hateful am I to myself! how much Am I asham'd! so lost, I can not tell How to attempt to pacify my father.

SCENE VIII.

Enter MENEDEMUS.

MENE. Now in good faith our Chremes plagues his son Too long and too severely. I come forth To reconcile him, and make peace between them. And there they are!

CHREM. Ha, Menedemus! wherefore Is not my daughter summon'd? and the portion, I settled on her; ratified by you?

SOSTRA. Dear husband, I beseech you not to do it!

CLIT. My father, I entreat you pardon me!

MENE. Forgive him, Chremes! let his pray'rs prevail!

CHREM. What! shall I then with open eyes bestow My whole estate on Bacchis? I'll not do't.

MENE. We will prevent that. It shall not be so.

CLIT. If you regard my life, forgive me, father!

SOSTRA. Do, my dear Chremes!

MENE. Do, I prithee now! Be not obdurate, Chremes!

CHREM. Why is this? I see I can't proceed as I've begun.

MENE. 'Tis as it should be now.

CHREM. On this condition, That he agrees to do what I think fit.

CLIT. I will do ev'ry thing. Command me, father!

CHREM. Take a wife.

CLIT. Father!

CHREM. Nay, Sir, no denial!

MENE. I take that charge upon me. He shall do't.

CHREM. But I don't hear a word of it from him.

CLIT. Confusion!

SOSTRA. Do you doubt then, Clitipho?

CHREM. Nay, which he pleases.

MENE. He'll obey in all; Whate'er you'd have him.

SOSTRA. This at first is grievous, While you don't know it; when you know it, easy.

CLIT. I'm all obedience, father!

SOSTRA. Oh my son, I'll give you a sweet wife, that you'll adore, Phanocrata's, our neighbor's daughter.

CLIT. Her! That red-hair'd, blear-eyed, wide-mouth'd, hook-nos'd wench? I can not, father.

CHREM. Oh, how nice he is! Would any one imagine it?

SOSTRA. I'll get you Another then.

CLIT. Well, well; since I must marry, I know one pretty near my mind.

SOSTRA. Good boy!

CLIT. The daughter of Archonides, our neighbor.

SOSTRA. Well chosen!

CLIT. One thing, father, still remains.

CHREM. What?

CLIT. That you'd grant poor Syrus a full pardon For all that he hath done on my account.

CHREM. Be it so.— (To the Audience.) Farewell Sirs, and clap your hands!

* * * * * * * * *

THE BROTHERS.

PERSONS REPRESENTED.

PROLOGUE. DEMEA. MICIO. AESCHINUS. CTESIPHO. HEGIO. SANNIO. GETA. SYRUS. GETA. DROMO. PARMENO, other Servants, etc.

SOSTRATA. CANTHARA. MUSIC-GIRL, and other Mutes.

SCENE, ATHENS.



PROLOGUE.

The Bard perceiving his piece cavil'd at By partial critics, and his adversaries Misrepresenting what we're now to play, Pleads his own cause: and you shall be the judges, Whether he merits praise or condemnation. The Synapothnescontes is a piece By Diphilus, a comedy which Plautus, Having translated, call'd COMMORIENTES. In the beginning of the Grecian play There is a youth, who rends a girl perforce From a procurer: and this incident, Untouch'd by Plautus, render'd word for word, Has our bard interwoven with his Brothers; The new piece which we represent to-day. Say then if this be theft, or honest use Of what remain'd unoccupied.—For that Which malice tells, that certain noble persons Assist the Bard, and write in concert with him; That which they deem a heavy slander, He Esteems his greatest praise: that he can please Those who please you, who all the people please; Those who in war, in peace, in counsel, ever Have render'd you the dearest services, And ever borne their faculties so meekly. Expect not now the story of the play: Part the old men, who first appear, will open; Part will in act be shown.—Be favorable; And let your candor to the poet now Increase his future earnestness to write!



ACT THE FIRST.

SCENE I.

Enter MICIO.

Ho, Storax!—AEschinus did not return Last night from supper; no, nor any one Of all the slaves who went to see for him. —'Tis commonly—and oh how truly!—said, If you are absent, or delay, 'twere best That should befall you, which your wife denounces, Or which in anger she calls down upon you, Than that which kindest parents fear.—Your wife, If you delay, or thinks that you're in love, Or lov'd, or drink, or entertain yourself, Taking your pleasure, while she pines at home. —And what a world of fears possess me now! How anxious that my son is not return'd; Lest he take cold, or fall, or break a limb! —Gods, that a man should suffer any one To wind himself so close about his heart, As to grow dearer to him than himself! And yet he is not my son, but my brother's, Whose bent of mind is wholly different. I, from youth upward even to this day, Have led a quiet and serene town-life; And, as some reckon fortunate, ne'er married. He, in all points the opposite of this, Has pass'd his days entirely in the country With thrift and labor; married; had two sons; The elder boy is by adoption mine; I've brought him up; kept; lov'd him as my own; Made him my joy, and all my soul holds dear, Striving to make myself as dear to him. I give, o'erlook, nor think it requisite That all his deeds should be controll'd by me, Giving him scope to act as of himself; So that the pranks of youth, which other children Hide from their fathers, I have us'd my son Not to conceal from me. For whosoe'er Hath won upon himself to play the false one, And practice impositions on a father, Will do the same with less remorse to others; And 'tis, in my opinion, better far To bind your children to you by the ties Of gentleness and modesty, than fear. And yet my brother don't accord in this, Nor do these notions nor this conduct please him. Oft he comes open-mouth'd—"Why how now, Micio? Why do you ruin this young lad of ours? Why does he wench? why drink? and why do you Allow him money to afford all this? You let him dress too fine. 'Tis idle in you." —'Tis hard in him, unjust and out of reason. And he, I think, deceives himself indeed, Who fancies that authority more firm Founded on force, than what is built on friendship; For thus I reason, thus persuade myself: He who performs his duty driven to't By fear of punishment, while he believes His actions are observ'd, so long he's wary; But if he hopes for secrecy, returns To his own ways again: But he whom kindness, Him also inclination makes your own: He burns to make a due return, and acts, Present or absent, evermore the same. 'Tis this then is the duty of a father, To make a son embrace a life of virtue, Rather from choice than terror or constraint. Here lies the mighty difference between A father and a master. He who knows not How to do this, let him confess he knows not How to rule children.—But is this the man Whom I was speaking of? Yes, yes, 'tis he. He seems uneasy too, I know not why, And I suppose, as usual, comes to wrangle.

[Changes:

quotation marks at mid-speech supplied from 1768 edition

Harper [beginning of speech, through line —Gods, that a man ...] Colman 1768 Ho, Storax!—No reply?—Then Aeschinus Never return'd, it seems, last night from supper; Nor any of the slaves, who went to meet him. —'Tis commonly—and oh how truly!—said, If you are absent, or delay, 'twere best That should befall you, which your wife declares Or which in anger she supposes of you Than that which kindest parents fear.—Your wife, If you delay, suspects that you're engag'd In some intrigue, debauch, or entertainment; Consulting your own happiness abroad, While she, poor soul! is left to pine at home. But what a world of fears possess me now! How many ills I figure to myself, As causes that my son is not return'd! Lest he have taken cold, or had a fall, Or broke a limb!—Good heavens! that a man Shou'd doat so much, or suffer any one]

SCENE II.

Enter DEMEA.

MICIO. Demea, I'm glad to see you well.

DEMEA. Oho! Well met: the very man I came to seek.

MICIO. But you appear uneasy: What's the matter?

DEMEA. Is it a question, when there's AEschinus To trouble us, what makes me so uneasy?

MICIO. I said it would be so.—What has he done?

DEMEA. What has he done? a wretch, whom neither ties Of shame, nor fear, nor any law can bind! For not to speak of all his former pranks, What has he been about but even now!

MICIO. What has he done?

DEMEA. Burst open doors, and forc'd His way into another's house, and beat The master and his family half dead; And carried off a wench whom he was fond of. The whole town cries out shame upon him, Micio. I have been told of it a hundred times Since my arrival. 'Tis the common talk.—— And if we needs must draw comparisons, Does not he see his brother thrifty, sober, Attentive to his business in the country? Not given to these practices; and when I say all this to him, to you I say it. You are his ruin, Micio.

MICIO. How unjust Is he who wants experience! who believes Nothing is right but what he does himself!

DEMEA. Why d'ye say that?

MICIO. Because you, Demea, Judge wrongly of these matters. 'Tis no crime For a young man to wench or drink.—'Tis not, Believe me!—nor to force doors open.—This, If neither you nor I have done, it was That poverty allow'd us not. And now You claim a merit to yourself, from that Which want constrain'd you to. It is not fair. For had there been but wherewithal to do't, We likewise should have done thus. Wherefore you, Were you a man, would let your younger son, Now, while it suits his age, pursue his pleasures; Rather than, when it less becomes his years, When, after wishing long, he shall at last Be rid of you, he should run riot then.

DEMEA. Oh Jupiter! the man will drive me mad. Is it no crime, d'ye say, for a young man To take these courses?

MICIO. Nay, nay; do but hear me, Nor stun me with the self-same thing forever! Your elder son you gave me for adoption: He's mine, then, Demea; and if he offends, 'Tis an offense to me, and I must bear The burden. Does he treat? or drink? or dress? 'Tis at my cost.—Or wench? I will supply him, While 'tis convenient to me; when 'tis not, His mistresses perhaps will shut him out. —Has he broke open doors? we'll make them good. Or torn a coat? it shall be mended. I, Thank Heaven, have enough to do all this, And 'tis as yet not irksome.—In a word, Or cease, or choose some arbiter between us: I'll prove that you are more in fault than I.

DEMEA. Ah, learn to be a father; learn from those Who know what 'tis to be indeed a parent!

MICIO. By nature you're his father, I by counsel.

DEMEA. You! do you counsel any thing?

MICIO. Nay, nay; If you persist, I'm gone.

DEMEA. Is't thus you treat me?

MICIO. Must I still hear the same thing o'er and o'er?

DEMEA. It touches me.

MICIO. And me it touches too. But, Demea, let us each look to our own; Let me take care of one, and mind you t'other. For to concern yourself with both, appears As if you'd redemand the boy you gave.

DEMEA. Ah, Micio!

MICIO. So it seems to me.

DEMEA. Well, well; Let him, if 'tis your pleasure, waste, destroy. And squander; it is no concern of mine. If henceforth I e'er say one word——

MICIO. Again? Angry again, good Demea?

DEMEA. You may trust me. Do I demand him back again I gave you? —It hurts me. I am not a stranger to him. —But if I once oppose—Well, well, I've done. You wish I should take care of one. I do Take special care of him; and he, thank Heav'n, Is as I wish he should be: which your ward, I warrant, shall find out one time or other. I will not say aught worse of him at present. (Exit.

[Changes:

Harper DEMEA. Is it a question, when there's AEschinus To trouble us, what makes me so uneasy? MICIO. I said it would be so.—What has he done? DEMEA. What has he done? a wretch, whom neither ties Of shame, nor fear, nor any law can bind! For not to speak of all his former pranks, What has he been about but even now! MICIO. What has he done? DEMEA. Burst open doors, and forc'd His way into another's house, and beat The master and his family half dead; And carried off a wench whom he was fond of. The whole town cries out shame upon him, Micio. I have been told of it a hundred times Since my arrival. 'Tis the common talk.—— Colman 1768 DEMEA. Uneasy? well I may.—The matter, say you? What can the matter be but AEschinus? MICIO. I said it would be so.—What has he done? DEMEA. What has he done! a wretch whom neither fear, Nor modesty, nor any law can bind! For not to speak of all his former pranks, What has he been about but even now! MICIO. What has he done? DEMEA. Burst open doors, and made His way by force into another's house; Half-kill'd the master and his family, And carried off a wench whom he was fond of. All Athens cries out shame upon him for it. I have been told of it a hundred times Since my arrival. 'Tis the town-talk, Micio.

Harper Judge wrongly of these matters. 'Tis no crime Colman 1768 Misjudge these matters. 'Tis no heinous crime

Harper Or cease, or choose some arbiter between us Colman 1768 Have done, or chuse some arbiter between us

Harper MICIO. Must I still hear the same thing o'er and o'er? Colman 1768 MICIO. Must I be plagued with the same thing so often?]

SCENE III.

MICIO alone.

Though what he says be not entirely true, There's something in it, and it touches me. But I dissembled my concern with him, Because the nature of the man is such, To pacify, I must oppose and thwart him; And even thus I scarce can teach him patience. But were I to inflame, or aid his anger, I were as great a madman as himself. Yet AEschinus, 'tis true, has been to blame. What wench is there he has not lov'd? to whom He has not made some present—And but lately (Tir'd, I suppose, and sick of wantonness) He told me he propos'd to take a wife. I hop'd the heyday of the blood was over, And was rejoic'd: but his intemperance Breaks out afresh.—Well, be it what it may, I'll find him out; and know it instantly, If he is to be met with at the Forum. (Exit.

[Changes:

Harper What wench is there he has not lov'd? to whom He has not made some present—And but lately Colman 1768 What wench is there but he is her gallant? Or tempts her with some gift?—But lately too]



ACT THE SECOND.

SCENE I.

Enter AESCHINUS, SANNIO, PARMENO, the Music-Girl, and a crowd of People.

SAN. Help, help, dear countrymen, for Heaven's sake! Assist a miserable, harmless man! Help the distress'd!

AESCH. (to the Girl). Fear nothing: stand just there! Why d'ye look back? you're in no danger. Never, While I am by, shall he lay hands upon you.

SAN. Aye, but I will, in spite of all the world.

AESCH. Rogue as he is, he'll scarce do any thing To make me cudgel him again to-day.

SAN. One word, Sir AEschinus! that you may not Pretend to ignorance of my profession; I'm a procurer.

AESCH. True.

SAN. And in my way Of as good faith as any man alive. Hereafter, to absolve yourself, you'll cry, That you repent of having wrong'd me thus. I sha'n't care that for your excuse. (Snapping his fingers.) Be sure I'll prosecute my right; nor shall fine words Atone for evil deeds. I know your way, —"I'm sorry that I did it: and I'll swear You are unworthy of this injury"—— Though all the while I'm us'd most scurvily.

AESCH. (to PAR.) Do you go forward, Parmeno, and throw The door wide open.

SAN. That sha'n't signify.

AESCH. (to PARMENO). Now in with her!

SAN. (stepping between). I'll not allow it.

AESCH. (to PARMENO). Here! Come hither, Parmeno!—you're too far off.—— Stand close to that pimp's side—There—there—just there! And now be sure you always keep your eyes Steadfastly fix'd on mine; and when I wink, To drive your fist directly in his face.

SAN. Aye, if he dare.

AESCH. (to PARMENO). Now mind!— (To SANNIO). Let go the girl (SANNIO still struggling with the Girl, AESCHINUS winks, and PARMENO strikes SANNIO).

SAN. Oh monstrous!

AESCH. He shall double it, unless You mend your manners. (PARMENO strikes SANNIO again.)

SAN. Help, help: murder, murder!

AESCH. (to PARMENO). I did not wink: but you had better err That way than t'other.—Now go in with her. (PARMENO leads the Girl into MICIO'S house.)

SAN. How's this?—Do you reign king here, AEschinus?

AESCH. Did I reign king, you should be recompens'd According to your virtues, I assure you.

SAN. What business have you with me?

AESCH. None.

SAN. D'ye know Who I am, AEschinus?

AESCH. Nor want to know.

SAN. Have I touch'd aught of yours, Sir?

AESCH. If you had, You should have suffer'd for't.

SAN. What greater right Have you to take away my slave, for whom I paid my money? answer me!

AESCH. 'Twere best You'd leave off bellowing before our door: If you continue to be troublesome, I'll have you dragg'd into the house, and there Lash'd without mercy.

SAN. How, a freeman lash'd!

AESCH. Ev'n so.

SAN. O monstrous tyranny! Is this, Is this the liberty they boast of here, Common to all?

AESCH. If you have brawl'd enough, Please to indulge me with one word, you pimp.

SAN. Who has brawl'd most, yourself or I?

AESCH. Well, well! No more of that, but to the point!

SAN. What point? What would you have?

AESCH. Will you allow me then To speak of what concerns you?

SAN. Willingly: Speak, but in justice.

AESCH. Very fine! a pimp, And talks of justice!

SAN. Well, I am a pimp; The common bane of youth, a perjurer, A public nuisance, I confess it: yet I never did you wrong.

AESCH. No, that's to come.

SAN. Prithee return to whence you first set out, Sir!

AESCH. You, plague upon you for it! bought the girl For twenty minae; which sum we will give you.

SAN. What if I do not choose to sell the girl? Will you oblige me?

AESCH. No.

SAN. I fear'd you would.

AESCH. She's a free-woman, and should not be sold, And, as such, by due course of law I claim her. Now then consider which you like the best, To take the money, or maintain your action. Think on this, Pimp, till I come back again. (Exit.

SCENE II.

SANNIO alone.

Oh Jupiter! I do not wonder now That men run mad with injuries. He drags me Out of my own house; cudgels me most soundly; And carries off my slave against my will: And after this ill-treatment, he demands The Music-Girl to be made over to him At the same price I bought her.—He has pour'd His blows upon me, thick as hail; for which, Since he deserves so nobly at my hands, He should no doubt be gratified.—Nay, nay, Let me but touch the cash, I'm still content. But this I guess will be the case: as soon As I shall have agreed to take his price, He'll produce witnesses immediately, To prove that I have sold her—And the money Will be mere moonshine.—"By-and-by."—"To-morrow." —Yet I could bear that too, although much wrong, Might I but get the money after all: For thus it is, friend Sannio; when a man Has taken up this trade, he must receive, And pocket the affronts of young gallants. —But nobody will pay me, and I draw Conclusions to no purpose.

SCENE III.

Enter SYRUS.

SYRUS (to AESCH. within). Say no more! Let me alone to talk with him! I warrant I'll make him take the money; aye, and own That he's well treated too. (Coming forward.) Why how now, Sannio? What's the dispute I overheard just now 'Twixt you and my young master?

SAN. Never was Any dispute conducted more unfairly, Than that between us two to-day! Poor I With being drubb'd, and he with drubbing me, 'Till we were both quite weary.

SYRUS. All your fault.

SAN. What could I do?

SYRUS. Give a young man his way.

SAN. What could I give him more, who gave my face?

SYRUS. Nay, but d'ye know my meaning, Sannio? To seem upon occasion to slight money, Proves in the end, sometimes, the greatest gain. Why prithee, blockhead, could you be afraid, Had you abated somewhat of your right, And humor'd the young gentleman, he would not Have paid you back again with interest?

SAN. I never purchase hope with ready money.

SYRUS. Away! you'll never thrive. You do not know How to ensnare men, Sannio.

SAN. Well, perhaps, Your way were best: yet I was ne'er so crafty But I had rather, when 'twas in my power, Receive prompt payment.

SYRUS. Pshaw! I know your spirit: As if you valued twenty minae now, So you might do a kindness to my master! —Besides, they say you're setting out for Cyprus. (Carelessly.)

SAN. Ha! (Alarmed.)

SYRUS. —And have bought up a large stock of goods To carry over thither.—Hir'd a vessel. That 'tis, I know, which keeps you in suspense: When you return, I hope, you'll settle this.

SAN. I shall not budge a foot.—Undone by Heav'n! Urg'd by these hopes they've undertaken this. (Aside.)

SYRUS. He fears. I've thrown a small rub in his way. (Aside.)

SAN. (to himself.) Confusion! they have nick'd me to a hair! I've bought up sev'ral slaves, and other wares, For exportation; and to miss my time At Cyprus-fair would be a heavy loss. Then if I leave this business broken thus, All's over with me; and at my return 'Twill come to nothing, grown quite cold and stale. "—What! come at last?—Why did you stay so long? Where have you been?"—that it were better lose it, Than wait for it so long, or sue for't then.

SYRUS (coming up to him.) Well, have you calculated what's your due?

SAN. Monstrous oppression! Is this honorable, Or just in AEschinus, to take away My property by force?

SYRUS. So, so! he comes. (Aside.) —I have but one word more to say to you. See how you like it.—Rather, Sannio, Than run the risk to get or lose the whole, E'en halve the matter: and he shall contrive To scrape together by some means ten minae.

SAN. Alas, alas! am I in danger then Of losing ev'n my very principal? Shame on him! he has loosen'd all my teeth: My head is swell'd all over like a mushroom: And will he cheat me too?—I'm going nowhere.

SYRUS. Just as you please.—Have you aught else to say Before I go?

SAN. Yes, one word, prithee Syrus! However things have happen'd, rather than I should be driven to commence a suit, Let him return me my bare due at least; The sum she cost me, Syrus.—I'm convinc'd You've had no tokens of my friendship yet; But you shall find I will not be ungrateful.

SYRUS. I'll do my best. But I see Ctesipho. He is rejoic'd about his mistress.

SAN. Say, Will you remember me?

SYRUS. Hold, hold a little! (SYRUS and SANNIO retire.)

[Changes:

Harper SYRUS. He fears. I've thrown a small rub in his way. Colman 1768 SYRUS. He fears. I hinted Cyprus. There's the rub.]

SCENE IV.

Enter CTESIPHO at another part of the stage.

CTES. Favors are welcome in the hour of need From any hand; but doubly welcome when Conferr'd by those from whom we most expect them. O brother, brother, how shall I applaud thee? Ne'er can I rise to such a height of praise But your deservings will outtop me still: For in this point I am supremely bless'd, That none can boast so excellent a brother, So rich in all good qualities, as I.

SYRUS (coming forward). O Ctesipho!

CTES. (turning round). O Syrus! where's my brother?

SYRUS. At home, where he expects you.

CTES. Ha! (Joyfully.)

SYRUS. What now!

CTES. What now?—By his assistance I live, Syrus. Ah, he's a friend indeed! who disregarding All his own interests for my advantage, The scandal, infamy, intrigue, and blame, All due to me, has drawn upon himself! What could exceed it?—But who's there?—The door Creaks on the hinges. (Offering to go off.)

SYRUS. Hold! 'tis AEschinus.

SCENE V.

Enter AESCHINUS.

AESCH. Where is that rascal?

SAN. (behind.) He inquires for me. Has he brought out the cash with him?—Confusion! I see none.

AESCH. (to CTESIPHO). Ha! well met: I long'd to see you How is it, Ctesipho? All's safe. Away With melancholy!

CTES. Melancholy! I Be melancholy, who have such a brother? Oh my dear AEschinus! thou best of brothers, —Ah, I'm asham'd to praise you to your face, Lest it appear to come from flattery, Rather than gratitude.

AESCH. Away, you fool! As if we did not know each other, Ctesipho. It only grieves me, we so lately knew this, When things were almost come to such a pass, That all the world, had they desir'd to do it, Could not assist you.

CTES. 'Twas my modesty.

AESCH. Pshaw! it was folly, and not modesty. For such a trifle, almost fly your country? Heaven forbid it!—fie, fie, Ctesipho!

CTES. I've been to blame.

AESCH. Well, what says Sannio?

SYRUS. He's pacified at last.

AESCH. I'll to the Forum, And pay him off.—You, Ctesipho, go in To the poor girl.

SAN. Now urge the matter, Syrus! (Apart to SYRUS.)

SYRUS. Let's go; for Sannio wants to be at Cyprus.

SAN. Not in such haste: though truly I have no cause To loiter here.

SYRUS. You shall be paid: ne'er fear!

SAN. But all?

SYRUS. Yes, all: so hold your tongue, and follow!

SAN. I will. (Exit after AESCHINUS—SYRUS going.

CTES. Hist! hark ye, Syrus!

SYRUS (turning back.) Well, what now?

CTES. For Heaven's sake discharge that scurvy fellow Immediately; for fear, if further urg'd, This tale should reach my father's ears: and then I am undone forever.

SYRUS. It sha'n't be. Be of good courage! meanwhile, get you in, And entertain yourself with her; and order The couches to be spread, and all prepar'd. For, these preliminaries once dispatch'd, I shall march homeward with provisions.

CTES. Do! And since this business has turn'd out so well, Let's spend the day in mirth and jollity! (Exeunt severally.

[Changes:

Harper SAN. Not in such haste: though truly I have no cause To loiter here. Colman 1768 SAN. Not in such haste: though truly I've no cause To loiter here.]



ACT THE THIRD.

SCENE I.

SOSTRATA, CANTHARA.

SOS. Prithee, good nurse, how will it go with her?

CAN. How go with her? Why well, I warrant you.

SOS. Her pains begin to come upon her, nurse.

CAN. You're as much frighten'd at your time of day, As if you ne'er was present at a labor, Or never had been brought to bed yourself.

SOS. Alas, I've no soul here: we're all alone. Geta is absent; nor is there a creature To fetch a midwife, or call AEschinus.

CAN. He'll be here presently, I promise you: For he, good man, ne'er lets a single day Go by, but he is sure to visit us.

SOS. He is my only comfort in my sorrows.

CAN. Troth, as the case stands, madam, circumstances Could not have happen'd better than they have: And since your daughter suffer'd violence, 'Twas well she met with such a man as this; A man of honor, rank, and family.

SOS. He is, indeed, a worthy gentleman: The gods preserve him to us!

SCENE II.

Enter GETA hastily at another part of the stage.

GETA. We are now So absolutely lost, that all the world Joining in consultation to apply Relief to the misfortune that has fallen On me, my mistress, and her daughter, all Would not avail.—Ah me! so many troubles Environ us at once, we sink beneath them. Rape, poverty, oppression, solitude, And infamy! oh, what an age is this! O wicked, oh vile race!—oh impious man!

SOS. (to CANTHARA). Ah, why should Geta seem thus terrified And agitated?

GETA (to himself.) Wretch! whom neither honor, Nor oaths, nor pity could control or move! Nor her approaching labor; her, on whom He shamefully committed violation!

SOS. I don't well understand him.

CAN. Prithee then Let us draw nearer, Sostrata!

GETA (to himself.) Alas, I'm scarcely in my perfect mind, I burn With such fierce anger.—Oh, that I had all That villain-family before me now, That I might vent my indignation on them, While yet it boils within me.—There is nothing I'd not endure to be reveng'd on them. First I'd tread out the stinking snuff his father, Who gave the monster being.—And then, Syrus, Who urg'd him to it,—how I'd tear him!—First I'd seize him round the waist, and lift him high, Then dash his head against the ground, and strew The pavement with his brains.—For AEschinus, I'd tear his eyes out, and then tumble him, Head foremost down some precipice.—The rest I'd rush on, drag, crush, trample under foot. But why do I delay to tell my mistress This heavy news as soon as possible! (Going.)

SOS. Let's call him back.—Ho, Geta!

GETA. Whosoe'er You are, excuse me.

SOS. I am Sostrata.

GETA. Where, where is Sostrata? (Turns about.) I sought you, Madam; Impatiently I sought you: and am glad To have encounter'd you thus readily.

SOS. What is the matter? why d'ye tremble thus?

GETA. Alas!

SOS. Take breath!—But why thus mov'd, good Geta?

GETA. We're quite——

SOS. Quite what?

GETA. Undone: We're ruin'd, Madam.

SOS. Explain, for Heaven's sake!

GETA. Ev'n now——

SOS. What now?

GETA. AEschinus——

SOS. What of AEschinus?

GETA. Has quite Estrang'd himself from all our family.

SOS. How's that? confusion! why?

GETA. He loves another.

SOS. Wretch that I am!

GETA. Nor that clandestinely; But snatch'd her in the face of all the world From a procurer.

SOS. Are you sure of this?

GETA. Sure? With these very eyes I saw it, Madam.

SOS. Alas, alas! What then can we believe? To whom give credit?—What? our AEschinus! Our very life, our sole support and hope! Who swore he could not live one day without her, And promis'd he would place the new-born babe Upon his father's lap, and in that way Wring from him his consent to marry her!

GETA. Nay, weep not, mistress; but consider rather What course were best to follow: to conceal This wrong, or to disclose it to some friend?

CAN. Disclose it! Are you mad? Is this a thing To be disclos'd, d'ye think?

GETA. I'd not advise it. For first, that he has quite abandon'd us, The thing itself declares. If we then make The story known, no doubt but he'll deny it. Your reputation, and your daughter's life Will be endanger'd: or if he confess, Since he affects another, 'twere not good That he should wed your daughter.—For which reasons, Silence is requisite.

SOS. Ah, no: not I.

GETA. What mean you?

SOS. To disclose the whole.

GETA. How, Madam! Think what you are about.

SOS. Whatever happens, The thing can't be in a worse state than now. In the first place my daughter has no portion, And that which should have been her second dowry Is also lost; and she can ne'er be giv'n In marriage as a virgin. For the rest, If he denies his former commerce with her, I have the ring he lost to vouch the fact. In short, since I am conscious to myself. That I am not to blame in this proceeding, And that no sordid love of gain, nor aught Unworthy of my daughter or myself, Has mix'd in this affair, I'll try it, Geta.

GETA. Well, I agree, 'twere better to disclose it.

SOS. You then away, as fast as possible, And run to Hegio our good friend and kinsman, To let him know the whole affair: for he Was the chief friend of my dear Simulus, And ever show'd a great regard for us.

GETA. And well he does, for no one else cares for us.

SOS. And you, good Canthara, away with haste, And call a midwife; that we may be sure Of her assistance in the time of need. (Exeunt severally.

SCENE III.

Enter DEMEA.

DEM. Confusion! I have heard that Ctesipho Was present with his brother at this riot. This is the sum of all my miseries, If he, even he, a sober, hopeful lad, May be seduc'd into debaucheries. —But where shall I inquire for him? I warrant They have decoy'd him into some vile brothel. That profligate persuaded him, I'm sure. —But here comes Syrus; he can tell me all. And yet this slave is of the gang; and if He once perceives that I'm inquiring for him, He'll never tell me any thing; a rogue! I'll not discover my design.

[Changes:

Harper [end of speech, from line —But here comes Syrus ...] Colman 1768 —But here comes Syrus.—I shall know from him What is become of Ctesipho.—And yet This rascal's of the gang; and if he once Perceives that I'm enquiring after him, He'll never tell, a villain!—I'll take care To cover my design.]

SCENE IV.

Enter SYRUS at another part of the stage.

SYRUS (to himself). We've just Disclos'd the whole of this affair to Micio, Exactly as it happen'd. I ne'er saw The good old gentleman more pleas'd.

DEM. Oh Heav'n, The folly of the man! (Listening.)

SYRUS (to himself). He prais'd his son; Me, who concerted the whole scheme, he thank'd.

DEM. I burst with rage. (Listening.)

SYRUS (to himself). He told the money down Immediately, and threw us in beside, To make an entertainment, a half-mina: Which I've laid out according to my liking.

DEM. So! if you'd have your business well ta'en care of, Commit it to this fellow!

SYRUS (overhearing). Who's there? Demea! I did not see you, Sir. How goes it?

DEM. How? I can't sufficiently admire your conduct.

SYRUS (negligently). Silly enough, to say the truth, and idle. (To servants within). Cleanse you the rest of those fish, Dromo: let That large eel play a little in the water. When I return it shall be bon'd; till then It must not be.

DEM. Are crimes like these——

SYRUS (to DEMEA). Indeed I like them not, and oft cry shame upon them. —(To servants within.) See that those salt fish are well soak'd, Stephanio.

DEM. Gods! is this done on purpose? Does he think 'Tis laudable to spoil his son? Alas! I think I see the day when AEschinus Shall fly for want, and list himself a soldier.

SYRUS. O Demea! that is to be wise: to see, Not that alone which lies before your feet, But ev'n to pry into futurity.

DEM. What! is the Music-Girl at your house?

SYRUS. Aye, Madam's within.

DEM. What! and is AEschinus To keep her at home with him?

SYRUS. I believe so; Such is their madness.

DEM. Is it possible?

SYRUS. A fond and foolish father!

DEM. I'm asham'd To own my brother; I'm griev'd for him.

SYRUS. Ah! There is a deal of diff'rence, Demea, —Nor is't because you're present that I say this—— There is a mighty difference between you! You are, from top to toe, all over wisdom: He a mere dotard.—Would you e'er permit Your boy to do such things?

DEM. Permit him? I? Or should I not much rather smell him out Six months before he did but dream of it?

SYRUS. Pshaw! do you boast your vigilance to me?

DEM. Heav'n keep him ever as he is at present!

SYRUS. As fathers form their children, so they prove.

DEM. But now we're speaking of him, have you seen The lad to-day? (With an affected carelessness.)

SYRUS. Your son d'ye mean?—I'll drive him Into the country. (Aside.)—He is hard at work Upon your grounds by this time. (To DEMEA.)

DEM. Are you sure on't?

SYRUS. Sure? I set out with him myself.

DEM. Good! good! I was afraid he loiter'd here. (Aside.)

SYRUS. And much Enrag'd, I promise you.

DEM. On what account?

SYRUS. A quarrel with his brother at the Forum, About the Music-Girl.

DEM. Indeed?

SYRUS. Aye, faith: He did not mince the matter: he spoke out; For as the cash was telling down, in pops, All unexpected, Master Ctesipho: Cries out—"Oh AEschinus, are these your courses? Do you commit these crimes? and do you bring Such a disgrace upon our family?"