Don't examine other people's papers or letters scattered on their desk. {59}

Don't bring a smell of spirits or tobacco into the presence of ladies.

Never use either in the presence of ladies.

Don't drink spirits; millions have tried it to their sorrow.

* * * * *

ETIQUETTE ON THE STREET.

1. Your conduct on the street should always be modest and dignified. Ladies should carefully avoid all loud and boisterous conversation or laughter and all undue liveliness in public.

2. When walking on the street do not permit yourself to be absent-minded, as to fail to recognize a friend; do not go along reading a book or newspaper.

3. In walking with a lady on the street give her the inner side of the walk, unless the outside is the safer part; in which case she is entitled to it.

4. Your arm should not be given to any lady except your wife or a near relative, or a very old lady, during the day, unless her comfort or safety requires it. At night the arm should always be offered; also in ascending the steps of a public building.

5. In crossing the street a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle with one hand. To raise the dress with both hands is vulgar, except in places where the mud is very deep.

6. A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street should not presume to join her in her walk without first asking her permission.

7. If you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to meet in the street, however intimate you may be, do not stop her, but turn round and walk in company with her; you can take leave at the end of the street.

8. A lady should not venture out upon the street alone after dark. By so doing she compromises her dignity, and exposes herself to indignity at the hands of the rougher class.

9. Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on dark or soiled gloves, as you may soil hers.

10. A lady does not form acquaintances upon the street, or seek to attract the attention of the other sex or of persons of her own sex. Her conduct is always modest and unassuming. Neither does a lady demand services or favors from a gentleman. She accepts them graciously, always {60} expressing her thanks. A gentleman will not stand on the street corners, or in hotel doorways, or store windows and gaze impertinently at ladies as they pass by. This is the exclusive business of loafers.

11. In walking with a lady who has your arm, should you have to cross the street, do not disengage your arm and go around upon the outside, unless the lady's comfort renders it necessary. In walking with a lady, where it is necessary for you to proceed singly, always go before her.

* * * * *

ETIQUETTE BETWEEN SEXES.

1. A lady should be a lady, and a gentleman a gentleman under any and all circumstances.

2. FEMALE INDIFFERENCE TO MAN.—There is nothing that affects the nature and pleasure of man so much as a proper and friendly recognition from a lady, and as women are more or less dependent upon man's good-will, either for gain or pleasure, it surely stands to their interest to be reasonably pleasant and courteous in his presence or society. Indifference is always a poor investment, whether in society or business.

3. GALLANTRY AND LADYISM should be a prominent feature in the education of young people. Politeness to ladies cultivates the intellect and refines the soul, and he who can be easy and entertaining in the society of ladies has mastered one of the greatest accomplishments. There is nothing taught in school, academy or college, that contributes so much to the happiness of man as a full development of his social and moral qualities.

4. LADYLIKE ETIQUETTE.—No woman can afford to treat men rudely. A lady must have a high intellectual and moral ideal and hold herself above reproach. She must remember that the art of pleasing and entertaining gentlemen is infinitely more ornamental than laces, ribbons or diamonds. Dress and glitter may please man, but it will never benefit him.

5. CULTIVATE DEFICIENCIES.—Men and women poorly sexed treat each other with more or less indifference, whereas a hearty sexuality inspires both to a right estimation of the faculties and qualities of each other. Those who are deficient should seek society and overcome their deficiencies. While some naturally inherit faculties as entertainers, others are compelled to acquire them by cultivation. {61}



6. LADIES' SOCIETY.—He who seeks ladies' society should seek an education and should have a pure heart and a pure mind. Read good, pure and wholesome literature and study human nature, and you will always be a favorite in the society circle.

7. WOMAN HATERS.—Some men with little refinement and strong sensual feelings virtually insult and thereby disgust and repel every female they meet. They look upon woman with an inherent vulgarity, and doubt the virtue and integrity of all alike. But it is because they are generally {62} insincere and impure themselves, and with such a nature culture and refinement are out of the question, there must be a revolution.

8. MEN HATERS.—Women who look upon all men as odious, corrupt or hateful, are no doubt so themselves, though they may be clad in silk and sparkle with diamonds and be as pretty as a lily; but their hypocrisy will out, and they can never win the heart of a faithful, conscientious and well balanced man. A good woman has broad ideas and great sympathy. She respects all men until they are proven unworthy.

9. FOND OF CHILDREN.—The man who is naturally fond of children will make a good husband and a good father. So it behooves the young man, to notice children and cultivate the art of pleasing them. It will be a source of interest, education and permanent benefit to all.

10. EXCESSIVE LUXURY.—Although the association with ladies is an expensive luxury, yet it is not an expensive education. It elevates, refines, sanctifies and purifies, and improves the whole man. A young man who has a pure and genuine respect for ladies, will not only make a good husband, but a good citizen as well.

11. MASCULINE ATTENTION.—No woman is entitled to any more attention than her loveliness and ladylike conduct will command. Those who are most pleasing will receive the most attention, and those who desire more should aspire to acquire more by cultivating those graces and virtues which ennoble woman, but no lady should lower or distort her own true ideal, or smother and crucify her conscience, in order to please any living man. A good man will admire a good woman, and deceptions cannot long be concealed. Her show of dry goods or glitter of jewels cannot long cover up her imperfections or deceptions.

12. PURITY.—Purity of purpose will solve all social problems. Let all stand on this exalted sexual platform, and teach every man just how to treat the female sex, and every woman how to behave towards the masculine; and it will incomparably adorn the manners of both, make both happy in each other, and mutually develop each other's sexuality and humanity.



{63}

Practical Rules on Table Manners.



1. Help ladies with a due appreciation; do not overload the plate of any person you serve. Never pour gravy on a plate without permission. It spoils the meat for some persons.

2. Never put anything by force upon any one's plate. It is extremely ill-bred, though extremely common, to press one to eat of anything.

3. If at dinner you are requested to help any one to sauce or gravy, do not pour it over the meat or vegetables, but on one side of them. Never load down a person's plate with anything.

4. As soon as you are helped, begin to eat, or at least begin to occupy yourself with what you have before you. Do not wait till your neighbors are served—a custom that was long ago abandoned.

5. Should you, however, find yourself at a table where they have the old-fashioned steel forks, eat with your knife, as the others do, and do not let it be seen that you have any objection to doing so.

6. Bread should be broken. To butter a large piece of bread and then bite it, as children do, is something the knowing never do. {64}

7. In eating game or poultry do not touch the bones with your fingers. To take a bone in the fingers for the purpose of picking it, is looked upon as being very inelegant.

8. Never use your own knife or fork to help another. Use rather the knife or fork of the person you help.

9. Never send your knife or fork, or either of them, on your plate when you send for second supply.

10. Never turn your elbows out when you use your knife and fork. Keep them close to your sides.

11. Whenever you use your fingers to convey anything to your mouth or to remove anything from the mouth, let it be the fingers of the left hand.

12. Tea, coffee, chocolate and the like are drank from the cup and never from the saucer.

13. In masticating your food, keep your mouth shut; otherwise you will make a noise that will be very offensive to those around you.

14. Don't attempt to talk with a full mouth. One thing at a time is as much as any man can do well.

15. Should you find a worm or insect in your food, say nothing about it.

16. If a dish is distasteful to you, decline it, and without comment.

17. Never put bones or bits of fruit on the table cloth. Put them on the side of your plate.

18. Do not hesitate to take the last piece on the dish, simply because it is the last. To do so is to directly express the fear that you would exhaust the supply.

19. If you would be what you would like to be—abroad, take care that you are what you would like to be—at home.

20. Avoid picking your teeth at the table if possible; but if you must, do it, if you can, where you are not observed.

21. If an accident of any kind soever should occur during dinner, the cause being who or what it may, you should not seem to note it.

22. Should you be so unfortunate as to overturn or to break anything, you should make no apology. You might let your regret appear in your face, but it would not be proper to put it in words.

* * * * *

{65}

Social Duties.

Man in Society is like a flower, Blown in its native bed. 'Tis there alone His faculties expanded in full bloom Shine out, there only reach their proper use.—COWPER.

The primal duties shine aloft like stars; The charities that soothe, and heal, and bless, Are scatter'd at the feet of man like flowers.—WORDSWORTH.

* * * * *

{66}



1. MEMBERSHIP IN SOCIETY.—Many fail to get hold of the idea that they are members of society. They seem to suppose that the social machinery of the world is self-operating. They cast their first ballot with an emotion of pride, perhaps, but are sure to pay their first tax with a groan. They see political organizations in active existence; the parish, and the church, and other important bodies that embrace in some form of society all men, are successfully operated; and yet these young men have no part or lot in the matter. They do not think of giving a day's time to society.

2. BEGIN EARLY.—One of the first things a young man should do is to see that he is acting his part in society. The earlier this is begun the better. I think that the opponents of secret societies in colleges have failed to estimate the benefit which it must be to every member to be obliged to contribute to the support of his particular organization, and to assume personal care and responsibility as a member. If these societies have a tendency to teach the lessons of which I speak, they are a blessed thing.

3. DO YOUR PART.—Do your part, and be a man among men. Assume your portion of social responsibility, and see that you discharge it well. If you do not do this, then you are mean, and society has the right to despise you just as much as it chooses to do so. You are, to use a word more emphatic than agreeable, a sneak, and have not a claim upon your neighbors for a single polite word.

4. A WHINING COMPLAINER.—Society, as it is called, is far more apt to pay its dues to the individual than the individual to society. Have you, young man, who are at home whining over the fact that you cannot get into society, done anything to give you a claim to social recognition? Are you able to make any return for social recognition and social privileges? Do you know anything? What kind of coin do you propose to pay in the discharge of the obligation which comes upon you with social recognition? In other words, as a return for what you wish to have society do for you, what can you do for society? This is a very important question—more important to you than to society. The question is, whether you will be a member of society by right, or by courtesy. If you have so mean a spirit as to be content to be a beneficiary of society—to receive favors and to confer none—you have no business in the society to which you aspire. You are an exacting, conceited fellow.

5. WHAT ARE YOU GOOD FOR?—Are you a good beau, and are you willing to make yourself useful in waiting on the {67} ladies on all occasions? Have you a good set of teeth, which you are willing to show whenever the wit of the company gets off a good thing? Are you a true, straightforward, manly fellow, with whose healthful and uncorrupted nature it is good for society to come in contact? In short, do you possess anything of any social value? If you do, and are willing to impart it, society will yield itself to your touch. If you have nothing, then society, as such, owes you nothing. Christian philanthropy may put its arm around you, as a lonely young man, about to spoil for want of something, but it is very sad and humiliating for a young man to be brought to that. There are people who devote themselves to nursing young men, and doing them good. If they invite you to tea, go by all means, and try your hand. If, in the course of the evening, you can prove to them that your society is desirable, you have won a point. Don't be patronized.

6. THE MORBID CONDITION.—Young men, you are apt to get into a morbid state of mind, which declines them to social intercourse. They become devoted to business with such exclusiveness, that all social intercourse is irksome. They go out to tea as if they were going to jail, and drag themselves to a party as to an execution. This disposition is thoroughly morbid, and to be overcome by going where you are invited, always, and with a sacrifice of feeling.

7. THE COMMON BLUNDER.—Don't shrink from contact with anything but bad morals. Men who affect your unhealthy minds with antipathy, will prove themselves very frequently to be your best friends and most delightful companions. Because a man seems uncongenial to you, who are squeamish and foolish, you have no right to shun him. We become charitable by knowing men. We learn to love those whom we have despised by rubbing against them. Do you not remember some instance of meeting a man or woman whom you had never previously known or cared to know—an individual, perhaps, against whom you have entertained the strongest prejudices—but to whom you became bound by a lifelong friendship through the influence of a three days' intercourse? Yet, if you had not thus met, you would have carried through life the idea that it would be impossible for you to give your fellowship to such an individual.

8. THE FOOLISHNESS OF MAN.—God has introduced into human character infinite variety, and for you to say that you do not love and will not associate with a man because he is unlike you, is not only foolish but wrong. You are to remember that in the precise manner and decree in which {68} a man differs from you, do you differ from him; and that from his standpoint you are naturally as repulsive to him, as he, from your standpoint, is to you. So, leave all this talk of congeniality to silly girls and transcendental dreamers.



9. DO BUSINESS IN YOUR WAY AND BE HONEST.—Do your business in your own way, and concede to every man the privilege which you claim for yourself. The more you mix with men, the less you will be disposed to quarrel, and the more charitable and liberal will you become. The fact that you do not understand a man, is quite as likely to be your fault as his. There are a good many chances in favor of the conclusion that, if you fail to like an individual whose acquaintance you make it is through your own ignorance and illiberality. So I say, meet every man honestly; seek to know him; and you will find that in those points in which he differs from you rests his power to instruct you, enlarge you, and do you good. Keep your heart open for everybody, and be sure that you shall have your reward. You shall find a jewel under the most uncouth exterior; and associated with homeliest manners and oddest ways and ugliest faces, you will find rare virtues, fragrant little humanities, and inspiring heroisms.

10. WITHOUT SOCIETY, WITHOUT INFLUENCE.—Again: you can have no influence unless you are social. An unsocial man is as devoid of influence as an ice-peak is of verdure. It is through social contact and absolute social value alone that you can accomplish any great social good. It is through the invisible lines which you are able to attach to the minds with which you are brought into association alone that you can tow society, with its deeply freighted interests, to the great haven of your hope.

11. THE REVENGE OF SOCIETY.—The revenge which society takes upon the man who isolates himself, is as terrible as it is inevitable. The pride which sits alone will have the privilege of sitting alone in its sublime disgust till it drops into the grave. The world sweeps by the man, carelessly, remorselessly, contemptuously. He has no hold upon society, because he is no part of it.

12. THE CONCLUSION OF THE WHOLE MATTER.—You cannot move men until you are one of them. They will not follow you until they have heard your voice, shaken your hand, and fully learned your principles and your sympathies. It makes no difference how much you know, or how much you are capable of doing. You may pile accomplishment upon acquisition mountain high; but if you fail to be a social man, demonstrating to society that your lot is with the rest, a {69} little child with a song in its mouth, and a kiss for all and a pair of innocent hands to lay upon the knees, shall lead more hearts and change the direction of more lives than you.

* * * * *

{70}

Politeness.

1. BEAUTIFUL BEHAVIOR.—Politeness has been described as the art of showing, by external signs, the internal regard we have for others. But one may be perfectly polite to another without necessarily paying a special regard for him. Good manners are neither more nor less than beautiful behavior. It has been well said that "a beautiful form is better than a beautiful face, and a beautiful behavior is better than a beautiful form; it gives a higher pleasure than statues or pictures—it is the finest of the fine arts."

2. TRUE POLITENESS.—The truest politeness comes of sincerity. It must be the outcome of the heart, or it will make no lasting impression; for no amount of polish can dispense with truthfulness. The natural character must be allowed to appear, freed of its angularities and asperities. Though politeness, in its best form, should resemble water—"best when clearest, most simple, and without taste"—yet genius in a man will always cover many defects of manner, and much will be excused to the strong and the original. Without genuineness and individuality, human life would lose much of its interest and variety, as well as its manliness and robustness of character.

3. PERSONALITY OF OTHERS.—True politeness especially exhibits itself in regard for the personality of others. A man will respect the individuality of another if he wishes to be respected himself. He will have due regard for his views and opinions, even though they differ from his own. The well-mannered man pays a compliment to another, and sometimes even secures his respect by patiently listening to him. He is simply tolerant and forbearant, and refrains from judging harshly; and harsh judgments of others will almost invariably provoke harsh judgments of ourselves.

4. THE IMPOLITE.—The impolite, impulsive man will, however, sometimes rather lose his friend than his joke. He may surely be pronounced a very foolish person who secures another's hatred at the price of a moment's gratification. It was a saying of Burnel, the engineer—himself one of the kindest-natured of men—that "spite and ill-nature are among the most expensive luxuries in life." Dr. Johnson once said: "Sir, a man has no more right to say a rude thing to another than to knock him down."

5. FEELINGS OF OTHERS.—Want of respect for the feelings of others usually originates in selfishness, and issues in {71} hardness and repulsiveness of manner. It may not proceed from malignity so much, as from want of sympathy, and want of delicacy—a want of that perception of, and attention to, those little and apparently trifling things, by which pleasure is given or pain occasioned to others. Indeed, it may be said that in self-sacrifice in the ordinary intercourse of life, mainly consists the difference between being well and ill bred. Without some degree of self-restraint in society a man may be found almost insufferable. No one has pleasure in holding intercourse with such a person, and he is a constant source of annoyance to those about him.

6. DISREGARD OF OTHERS.—Men may show their disregard to others in various impolite ways, as, for instance, by neglect of propriety in dress, by the absence of cleanliness, or by indulging in repulsive habits. The slovenly, dirty person, by rendering himself physically disagreeable, sets the tastes and feelings of others at defiance, and is rude and uncivil, only under another form.

7. THE BEST SCHOOL OF POLITENESS.—The first and best school of politeness, as of character, is always the home, where woman is the teacher. The manners of society at large are but the reflex of the manners of our collective homes, neither better nor worse. Yet, with all the disadvantages of ungenial homes, men may practice self-culture of manner as of intellect, and learn by good examples to cultivate a graceful and agreeable behavior towards others. Most men are like so many gems in the rough, which need polishing by contact with other and better natures, to bring out their full beauty and lustre. Some have but one side polished, sufficient only to show the delicate graining of the interior; but to bring out the full qualities of the gem, needs the discipline of experience, and contact with the best examples of character in the intercourse of daily life.

8. CAPTIOUSNESS OF MANNER.—While captiousness of manner, and the habit of disputing and contradicting every thing said, is chilling and repulsive, the opposite habit of assenting to, and sympathizing with, every statement made, or emotion expressed, is almost equally disagreeable. It is unmanly, and is felt to be dishonest. "It may seem difficult," says Richard Sharp, "to steer always between bluntness and plain dealing, between merited praises and lavishing indiscriminate flattery; but it is very easy—good humor, kindheartedness, and perfect simplicity, being all that are requisite to do what is right in the right way." At the same time many are impolite, not because they mean to be so, but because they are awkward, and perhaps know no better. {72}

9. SHY PEOPLE.—Again many persons are thought to be stiff, reserved, and proud, when they are only shy. Shyness is characteristic of most people of the Teutonic race. From all that can be learned of Shakespeare, it is to be inferred that he was an exceedingly shy man. The manner in which his plays were sent into the world—for it is not known that he edited or authorized the publication of a single one of them,—and the dates at which they respectively appeared, are mere matters of conjecture.

10. SELF-FORGETFULNESS.—True politeness is best evinced by self-forgetfulness, or self-denial in the interest of others. Mr. Garfield, our martyred president, was a gentleman of royal type. His friend, Col. Rockwell, says of him: "In the midst of his suffering he never forgets others. For instance, to-day he said to me, 'Rockwell, there is a poor soldier's widow who came to me before this thing occurred, and I promised her, she should be provided for. I want you to see that the matter is attended to at once.' He is the most docile patient I ever saw."

11. ITS BRIGHT SIDE.—We have thus far spoken of shyness as a defect. But there is another way of looking at it; for even shyness has its bright side, and contains an element of good. Shy men and shy races are ungraceful and undemonstrative, because, as regards society at large, they are comparatively unsociable. They do not possess those elegancies of manner acquired by free intercourse, which distinguish the social races, because their tendency is to shun society rather than to seek it. They are shy in the presence of strangers, and shy even in their own families. They hide their affections under a robe of reserve, and when they do give way to their feelings, it is only in some very hidden inner chamber. And yet, the feelings are there, and not the less healthy and genuine, though they are not made the subject of exhibition to others.

12. WORTHY OF CULTIVATION.—While, therefore, grace of manner, politeness of behavior, elegance of demeanor, and all the arts that contribute to make life pleasant and beautiful, are worthy of cultivation, it must not be at the expense of the more solid and enduring qualities of honesty, sincerity, and truthfulness. The fountain of beauty must be in the heart more than in the eye, and if it does not tend to produce beautiful life and noble practice, it will prove of comparatively little avail. Politeness of manner is not worth much, unless it is accompanied by polite actions.



{73}

Influence of Good Character.

"Unless above himself he can Erect himself, how poor a thing is man!"—DANIEL.

"Character is moral order seen through the medium of an individual nature—Men of character are the conscience of the society to which they belong."—EMERSON.

The purest treasure mortal times afford, Is—spotless reputation; that away, Men are but gilded loam, or painted clay. A jewel in a ten-times-barr'd-up chest Is—a bold Spirit in a loyal breast.—SHAKSPEARE.

1. REPUTATION.—The two most precious things this side the grave are our reputation and our life. But it is to be lamented that the most contemptible whisper may deprive us of the one, and the weakest weapon of the other. A wise man, therefore, will be more anxious to deserve a fair name than to possess it, and this will teach him so to live, as not to be afraid to die.

2. CHARACTER.—Character is one of the greatest motive powers in the world. In its noblest embodiments, it exemplifies human nature in its highest forms, for it exhibits man at his best.

3. THE HEART THAT RULES IN LIFE.—Although genius always commands admiration, character most secures respect. The former is more the product of brain power, the latter of heart power; and in the long run it is the heart that rules in life. Men of genius stand to society in the relation of its intellect as men of character of its conscience: and while the former are admired, the latter are followed.

4. THE HIGHEST IDEAL OF LIFE AND CHARACTER.—Commonplace though it may appear, this doing of one's duty embodies the highest ideal of life and character. There may be nothing heroic about it; but the common lot of men is not heroic. And though the abiding sense of duty upholds man in his highest attitudes, it also equally sustains him in the transaction of the ordinary affairs of every-day existence. Man's life is "centered in the sphere of common duties." The most influential of all the virtues are those which are the most in request for daily use. They wear the best, and last the longest.

5. WEALTH.—Wealth in the hands of men of weak purpose, or deficient self-control, or of ill regulated passions, is {74} only a temptation and a snare—the source, it may be, of infinite mischief to themselves, and often to others.

On the contrary, a condition of comparative poverty is compatible with character in its highest form. A man may possess only his industry, his frugality, his integrity, and yet stand high in the rank of true manhood. The advice which Burns' father gave him was the best:

"He bade me act a manly part, though I had ne'er a farthing, For without an honest, manly heart no man was worth regarding."

6. CHARACTER IS PROPERTY.—It is the noblest of possessions. It is an estate in the general good-will and respect of men; they who invest in it—though they may not become rich in this world's goods—will find their reward in esteem and reputation fairly and honorably won. And it is right that in life good qualities should tell—that industry, virtue, and goodness should rank the highest—and that the really best men should be foremost.

7. SIMPLE HONESTY OF PURPOSE.—This in a man goes a long way in life, if founded on a just estimate of himself and a steady obedience to the rule he knows and feels to be right. It holds a man straight, gives him strength and sustenance, and forms a mainspring of vigorous action. No man is bound to be rich or great—no, nor to be wise—but every man is bound to be honest and virtuous.



{76}

Family Government.



1. GENTLENESS MUST CHARACTERIZE EVERY ACT OF AUTHORITY.—The storm of excitement that may make the child start, bears no relation to actual obedience. The inner firmness, that sees and feels a moral conviction and expects obedience, is only disguised and defeated by bluster. The more calm and direct it is, the greater certainty it has of dominion.

2. FOR THE GOVERNMENT OF SMALL CHILDREN.—For the government of small children speak only in the authority of love, yet authority, loving and to be obeyed. The most important lesson to impart is obedience to authority as authority. The question of salvation with most children will be settled as soon as they learn to obey parental authority. It establishes a habit and order of mind that is ready to accept divine authority. This precludes skepticism and disobedience, and induces that childlike trust and spirit set forth as a necessary state of salvation. Children that are never made to obey are left to drift into the sea of passion where the pressure for surrender only tends to drive them at greater speed from the haven of safety.

3. HABITS OF SELF-DENIAL.—Form in the child habits of self-denial. Pampering never matures good character.

4. EMPHASIZE INTEGRITY.—Keep the moral tissues tough in integrity; then it will hold a hook of obligations when once set in a sure place. There is nothing more vital. Shape all your experiments to preserve the integrity. Do not so reward it that it becomes mercenary. Turning State's evidence is a dangerous experiment in morals. Prevent deceit from succeeding.

5. GUARD MODESTY.—To be brazen is to imperil some of the best elements of character. Modesty may be strengthened into a becoming confidence, but brazen facedness can seldom be toned down into decency. It requires the miracle of grace.

6. PROTECT PURITY.—Teach your children to loathe impurity. Study the character of their playmates. Watch their books. Keep them from corruption at all cost. The groups of youth in the school and in society, and in business places, seed with improprieties of word and thought. Never relax your vigilance along this exposed border.



7. THREATEN THE LEAST POSSIBLE.—In family government threaten the least possible. Some parents rattle off their commands with penalties so profusely that there is a steady {78} roar of hostilities about the child's head. These threats are forgotten by the parent and unheeded by the child. All government is at an end.

8. DO NOT ENFORCE TOO MANY COMMANDS.—Leave a few things within the range of the child's knowledge that are not forbidden. Keep your word good, but do not have too much of it out to be redeemed.

9. PUNISH AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.—Sometimes punishment is necessary, but the less it is resorted to the better.

10. NEVER PUNISH IN A PASSION.—Wrath only becomes cruelty. There is no moral power in it. When you seem to be angry you can do no good.

11. BRUTISH VIOLENCE ONLY MULTIPLIES OFFENDERS.—Striking and beating the body seldom reaches the soul. Fear and hatred beget rebellion.

12. PUNISH PRIVATELY.—Avoid punishments that break down self-respect. Striking the body produces shame and indignation. It is enough for the other children to know that discipline is being administered.

13. NEVER STOP SHORT OF SUCCESS.—When the child is not conquered the punishment has been worse than wasted. Reach the point where neither wrath nor sullenness remain. By firm persistency and persuasion require an open look of recognition and peace. It is only evil to stir up the devil unless he is cast out. Ordinarily one complete victory will last a child for a lifetime. But if the child relapses, repeat the dose with proper accompaniments.

14. DO NOT REQUIRE CHILDREN TO COMPLAIN OF THEMSELVES FOR PARDON.—It begets either sycophants or liars. It is the part of the government to detect offences. It reverses the order of matters to shirk this duty.

15. GRADE AUTHORITY UP TO LIBERTY.—The growing child must have experiments of freedom. Lead him gently into the family. Counsel with him. Let him plan as he can. By and by he has the confidence of courage without the danger of exposures.

16. RESPECT.—Parents must respect each other. Undermining either undermines both. Always govern in the spirit of love.



{79}

CONVERSATION.



Some men are very entertaining for a first interview, but after that they are exhausted, and run out; on a second meeting we shall find them very flat and monotonous; like hand-organs, we have heard all their tunes.—COULTON.

He who sedulously attends, pointedly asks, calmly speaks, coolly answers, and ceases when he has no more to say, is in possession of some of the best requisites of man.—LAVATER.

Beauty is never so lovely as when adorned with the smile, and conversation never sits easier upon us than when we know and then discharge ourselves in a symphony of Laughter, which may not improperly be called the Chorus of Conversation.—STEELE.

The first ingredient in Conversation is Truth, the next Good Sense, the third Good Humor, and the fourth Wit.—SIR WILLIAM TEMPLE.

{80}

Home Lessons in Conversation.

Say nothing unpleasant when it can be avoided.

Avoid satire and sarcasm.

Never repeat a word that was not intended for repetition.

Cultivate the supreme wisdom, which consists less in saying what ought to be said than in not saying what ought not to be said.

Often cultivate "flashes of silence."

It is the larger half of the conversation to listen well.

Listen to others patiently, especially the poor.

Sharp sayings are an evidence of low breeding.

Shun faultfindings and faultfinders.

Never utter an uncomplimentary word against anyone.

Compliments delicately hinted and sincerely intended are a grace in conversation.

Commendation of gifts and cleverness properly put are in good taste, but praise of beauty is offensive.

Repeating kind expressions is proper.

Compliments given in a joke may be gratefully received in earnest.

The manner and tone are important parts of a compliment.

Avoid egotism.

Don't talk of yourself, or of your friends or your deeds.

Give no sign that you appreciate your own merits.

Do not become a distributer of the small talk of a community. The smiles of your auditors do not mean respect.

Avoid giving the impression of one filled with "suppressed egotism."

Never mention your own peculiarities; for culture destroys vanity.

Avoid exaggeration.

Do not be too positive.

Do not talk of display oratory.

Do not try to lead in conversation, looking around to enforce silence.

Lay aside affected silly etiquette for the natural dictates of the heart.

Direct the conversation where others can join with you and impart to you useful information.

Avoid oddity. Eccentricity is shallow vanity.

Be modest.

Be what you wish to seem.

Avoid repeating a brilliant or clever saying.

{82}



If you find bashfulness or embarrassment coming upon you, do or say something at once. The commonest matter gently stated is better than an embarrassing silence. Sometimes changing your position, or looking into a book for a moment may relieve your embarrassment, and dispel any settling stiffness.

Avoid telling many stories, or repeating a story more than once in the same company.

Never treat any one as if you simply wanted him to tell stories. People laugh and despise such a one.

Never tell a coarse story. No wit or preface can make it excusable.

Tell a story, if at all, only as an illustration, and not for itself. Tell it accurately.

Be careful in asking questions for the purpose of starting conversation or drawing out a person, not to be rude or intrusive.

Never take liberties by staring, or by any rudeness.

Never infringe upon any established regulations among strangers.

Do not always prove yourself to be the one in the right. The right will appear. You need only give it a chance.

Avoid argument in conversation. It is discourteous to your host.

Cultivate paradoxes in conversation with your peers. They add interest to common-place matters. To strike the harmless faith of ordinary people in any public idol is waste, but such a movement with those able to reply is better.

Never discourse upon your ailments.

Never use words of the meaning or pronunciation of which you are uncertain.

Avoid discussing your own or other people's domestic concerns.

Never prompt a slow speaker, as if you had all the ability. In conversing with a foreigner who may be learning our language, it is excusable to help him in some delicate way.

Never give advice unasked.

Do not manifest impatience.

Do not interrupt another when speaking.

Do not find fault, though you may gently criticise.

Do not appear to notice inaccuracies of speech in others.

Do not always commence a conversation by allusion to the weather.

Do not, when narrating an incident, continually say, "you see," "you know." {83}

Do not allow yourself to lose temper or speak excitedly.

Do not introduce professional or other topics that the company generally cannot take an interest in.

Do not talk very loud. A firm, clear, distinct, yet mild, gentle, and musical voice has great power.

Do not be absent-minded, requiring the speaker to repeat what has been said that you may understand.

Do not try to force yourself into the confidence of others.

Do not use profanity, vulgar terms, words of double meaning, or language that will bring the blush to anyone.

Do not allow yourself to speak ill of the absent one if it can be avoided. The day may come when some friend will be needed to defend you in your absence.

Do not speak with contempt and ridicule of a locality which you may be visiting. Find something to truthfully praise and commend; thus make yourself agreeable.

Do not make a pretense of gentility, nor parade the fact that you are a descendant of any notable family. You must pass for just what you are, and must stand on your own merit.

Do not contradict. In making a correction say, "I beg your pardon, but I had the impression that it was so and so." Be careful in contradicting, as you may be wrong yourself.

Do not be unduly familiar; you will merit contempt if you are. Neither should you be dogmatic in your assertions, arrogating to yourself such consequences in your opinions.

Do not be too lavish in your praise of various members of your own family when speaking to strangers; the person to whom you are speaking may know some faults that you do not.

Do not feel it incumbent upon yourself to carry your point in conversation. Should the person with whom you are conversing feel the same, your talk may lead into violent argument.

Do not try to pry into the private affairs of others by asking what their profits are, what things cost, whether Melissa ever had a beau, and why Amarette never got married? All such questions are extremely impertinent and are likely to meet with rebuke.

Do not whisper in company; do not engage in private conversation; do not speak a foreign language which the general company present may not understand, unless it is understood that the foreigner is unable to speak your own language.

* * * * *

{84}

THE TOILET

OR

The Care of the Person.

* * * * *

IMPORTANT RULES.



1. GOOD APPEARANCE.—The first care of all persons should be for their personal appearance. Those who are slovenly or careless in their habits are unfit for refined society, and cannot possibly make a good appearance in it. A well-bred person will always cultivate habits of the most scrupulous neatness. A gentleman or lady is always well dressed. The garment may be plain or of coarse material, or even worn "thin and shiny," but if it is carefully brushed and neat it can be worn with dignity. {85}

2. PERSONAL CLEANLINESS.—Personal appearance depends greatly on the careful toilet and scrupulous attention to dress. The first point which marks the gentleman or lady in appearance is rigid cleanliness. This remark supplies to the body and everything which covers it. A clean skin—only to be secured by frequent baths—is indispensable.

3. THE TEETH.—The teeth should receive the utmost attention. Many a young man has been disgusted with a lady by seeing her unclean and discolored teeth. It takes but a few moments, and if necessary secure some simple tooth powder or rub the teeth thoroughly every day with a linen handkerchief, and it will give the teeth and mouth a beautiful and clean appearance.

4. THE HAIR AND BEARD.—The hair should be thoroughly brushed and well kept, and the beard of men properly trimmed. Men should not let their hair grow long and shaggy.

5. UNDERCLOTHING.—The matter of cleanliness extends to all articles of clothing, underwear as well as the outer clothing. Cleanliness is a mark of true utility. The clothes need not necessarily be of a rich and expensive quality, but they can all be kept clean. Some persons have an odor about them that is very offensive, simply on account of their underclothing being worn too long without washing. This odor of course cannot be detected by the person who wears the soiled garments, but other persons easily detect it and are offended by it.

6. THE BATH.—No person should think for a moment that they can be popular in society without regular bathing. A bath should be taken at least once a week, and if the feet perspire they should be washed several times a week, as the case may require. It is not unfrequent that young men are seen with dirty ears and neck. This is unpardonable and boorish, and shows gross neglect. Occasionally a young lady will be called upon unexpectedly when her neck and smiling face are not emblems of cleanliness. Every lady owes it to herself to be fascinating; every gentleman is bound, for his own sake, to be presentable; but beyond this there is the obligation to society, to one's friends, and to those with whom we may be brought in contact.

7. SOILED GARMENTS.—A young man's garments may not be expensive, yet there is no excuse for wearing a soiled collar and a soiled shirt, or carrying a soiled handkerchief. No one should appear as though he had slept in a stable, shaggy hair, soiled clothing or garments indifferently put on and carelessly buttoned. A young man's vest should always be kept buttoned in the presence of ladies. {86}

8. THE BREATH.—Care should be taken to remedy an offensive breath without delay. Nothing renders one so unpleasant to one's acquaintance, or is such a source of misery to one's self. The evil may be from some derangement of the stomach or some defective condition of the teeth, or catarrhal affection of the throat and nose. See remedies in other portions of the book.

* * * * *

A YOUNG MAN'S PERSONAL APPEARANCE.

Dress changes the manners.—VOLTAIRE.

Whose garments wither, shall receive faded smiles.—SHERIDAN KNOWLES.

Men of sense follow fashion so far that they are neither conspicuous for their excess nor peculiar by their opposition to it.—ANONYMOUS.

1. A well-dressed man does not require so much an extensive as a varied wardrobe. He does not need a different suit for every season and every occasion, but if he is careful to select clothes that are simple and not striking or conspicuous, he may use the garment over and over again without their being noticed, provided they are suitable to the season and the occasion.

2. A clean shirt, collar and cuffs always make a young man look neat and tidy, even if his clothes are not of the latest pattern and are somewhat threadbare.

3. Propriety is outraged when a man of sixty dresses like a youth of sixteen. It is bad manners for a gentleman to use perfumes to a noticeable extent. Avoid affecting singularity in dress. Expensive clothes are no sign of a gentleman.



4. When dressed for company, strive to appear easy and natural. Nothing is more distressing to a sensitive person, or more ridiculous to one gifted with refinement, than to see a lady laboring under the consciousness of a fine gown; or a gentleman who is stiff, awkward and ungainly in a brand-new coat.

5. Avoid what is called the "ruffianly style of dress" or the slouchy appearance of a half-unbottoned vest, and suspenderless pantaloons. That sort of affectation is, if possible, even more disgusting than the painfully elaborate frippery of the dandy or dude. Keep your clothes well brushed and keep them cleaned. Slight spots can be removed with a little sponge and soap and water.

6. A gentleman should never wear a high hat unless he has on a frock coat or a dress suit.

7. A man's jewelry should be good and simple. Brass or false jewelry, like other forms of falsehood, is vulgar. Wearing many cheap decorations is a serious fault. {87}

8. If a man wears a ring it should be on the third finger of the left hand. This is the only piece of jewelry a man is allowed to wear that does not serve a purpose.

9. Wearing imitations of diamonds is always in very bad taste.

10. Every man looks better in a full beard it he keeps it well trimmed. If a man shaves he should shave at least every other day, unless he is in the country.

11. The finger-nails should be kept cut, and the teeth should be cleaned every morning, and kept clear from tartar. A man who does not keep his teeth clean does not look like a gentleman when he shows them.

* * * * *

{88}

Dress.

We sacrifice to dress, till household joys And comforts cease. Dress drains our cellar dry, And keeps our larder lean. Puts out our fires, And introduces hunger, frost and woe, Where peace and hospitality might reign.—COWPER.

* * * * *



1. GOD IS A LOVER OF DRESS.—We cannot but feel that God is a lover of dress. He has put on robes of beauty and glory upon all his works. Every flower is dressed in richness; every field blushes beneath a mantle of beauty; every star is veiled in brightness; every bird is clothed in the {89} habiliments of the most exquisite taste. The cattle upon the thousand hills are dressed by the hand divine. Who, studying God in his works, can doubt, that he will smile upon the evidence of correct taste manifested by his children in clothing the forms he has made them?

2. LOVE OF DRESS.—To love dress is not to be a slave of fashion; to love dress only is the test of such homage. To transact the business of charity in a silken dress, and to go in a carriage to the work, injures neither the work nor the worker. The slave of fashion is one who assumes the livery of a princess, and then omits the errand of the good human soul; dresses in elegance, and goes upon no good errand, and thinks and does nothing of value to mankind.

3. BEAUTY IN DRESS.—Beauty in dress is a good thing, rail at it who may. But it is a lower beauty, for which a higher beauty should not be sacrificed. They love dresses too much who give it their first thought, their best time, or all their money; who for it neglect the culture of their mind or heart, or the claims of others on their service; who care more for their dress than their disposition; who are troubled more by an unfashionable bonnet than a neglected duty.

4. SIMPLICITY OF DRESS.—Female lovliness never appears to so good advantage as when set off by simplicity of dress. No artist ever decks his angels with towering feathers and gaudy jewelry; and our dear human angels—if they would make good their title to that name—should carefully avoid ornaments, which properly belong to Indian squaws and African princesses. These tinselries may serve to give effect on the stage, or upon the ball room floor, but in daily life there is no substitute for the charm of simplicity. A vulgar taste is not to be disguised by gold or diamonds. The absence of a true taste and refinement of delicacy cannot be compensated for by the possession of the most princely fortune. Mind measures gold, but gold cannot measure mind. Through dress the mind may be read, as through the delicate tissue the lettered page. A modest woman will dress modestly; a really refined and intelligent woman will bear the marks of careful selection and faultless taste.

5. PEOPLE OF SENSE.—A coat that has the mark of use upon it, is a recommendation to the people of sense, and a hat with too much nap, and too high lustre, a derogatory circumstance. The best coats in our streets are worn on the backs of penniless fops, broken down merchants, clerks with pitiful salaries, and men that do not pay up. The heaviest gold chains dangle from the fobs of gamblers and gentlemen of very limited means; costly ornaments on {90} ladies, indicate to the eyes that are well opened, the fact of a silly lover or husband cramped for funds.

6. PLAIN AND NEAT.—When a pretty woman goes by in plain and neat apparel, it is the presumption that she has fair expectations, and a husband that can show a balance in his favor. For women are like books,—too much gilding makes men suspicious, that the binding is the most important part. The body is the shell of the soul, and the dress is the husk of the body; but the husk generally tells what the kernel is. As a fashionably dressed young lady passed some gentlemen, one of them raised his hat, whereupon another, struck by the fine appearance of the lady, made some inquiries concerning her, and was answered thus: "She makes a pretty ornament in her father's house, but otherwise is of no use."

7. THE RICHEST DRESS.—The richest dress is always worn on the soul. The adornments that will not perish, and that all men most admire, shine from the heart through this life. God has made it our highest, holiest duty, to dress the soul he has given us. It is wicked to waste it in frivolity. It is a beautiful, undying, precious thing. If every young woman would think of her soul when she looks in the glass, would hear the cry of her naked mind when she dallies away her precious hours at her toilet, would listen to the sad moaning of her hollow heart, as it wails through her idle, useless life, something would be done for the elevation of womanhood.

8. DRESSING UP.—Compare a well-dressed body with a well-dressed mind. Compare a taste for dress with a taste for knowledge, culture, virtue, and piety. Dress up an ignorant young woman in the "height of fashion"; put on plumes and flowers, diamonds and gewgaws; paint her face, girt up her waist, and I ask you, if this side of a painted and feathered savage you can find anything more unpleasant to behold. And yet such young women we meet by the hundred every day on the street and in all our public places. It is awful to think of.

9. DRESS AFFECTS OUR MANNERS.—A man who is badly dressed, feels chilly, sweaty, and prickly. He stammers, and does not always tell the truth. He means to, perhaps, but he can't. He is half distracted about his pantaloons, which are much to short, and are constantly hitching up; or his frayed jacket and crumpled linen harrow his soul, and quite unman him. He treads on the train of a lady's dress, and says, "Thank you", sits down on his hat, and wishes the "desert were his dwelling place."

* * * * *

{91}

Beauty.

"She walks in beauty, like the night Of cloudless climes and starry skies: And all that's best of dark and bright Meet her in aspect and in her eyes; Thus mellowed to that tender light Which heaven to gaudy day denies."—BYRON.



1. THE HIGHEST STYLE OF BEAUTY.—The highest style of beauty to be found in nature pertains to the human form, as animated and lighted up by the intelligence within. It is the expression of the soul that constitutes this superior beauty. It is that which looks out of the eye, which sits in calm majesty on the brow, lurks on the lip, smiles on the cheek, is set forth in the chiselled lines and features of the countenance, in the general contour of figure and form, in the movement, and gesture, and tone; it is this looking out of the invisible spirit that dwells within, this manifestation of the higher nature, that we admire and love; this constitutes to us the beauty of our species. {92}

2. BEAUTY WHICH PERISHES NOT.—There is a beauty which perishes not. It is such as the angels wear. It forms the washed white robes of the saints. It wreathes the countenance of every doer of good. It adorns every honest face. It shines in the virtuous life. It molds the hands of charity. It sweetens the voice of sympathy. It sparkles on the brow of wisdom. It flashes in the eye of love. It breathes in the spirit of piety. It is the beauty of the heaven of heavens. It is that which may grow by the hand of culture in every human soul. It is the flower of the spirit which blossoms on the tree of life. Every soul may plant and nurture it in its own garden, in its own Eden.

3. WE MAY ALL BE BEAUTIFUL.—This is the capacity of beauty that God has given to the human soul, and this the beauty placed within the reach of all. We may all be beautiful. Though our forms may be uncomely and our features not the prettiest, our spirits may be beautiful. And this inward beauty always shines through. A beautiful heart will flash out in the eye. A lovely soul will glow in the face. A sweet spirit will tune the voice, wreathe the countenance in charms. Oh, there is a power in interior beauty that melts the hardest heart!

4. WOMAN THE MOST PERFECT TYPE OF BEAUTY.—Woman, by common consent, we regard as the most perfect type of beauty on earth. To her we ascribe the highest charms belonging to this wonderful element so profusely mingled in all God's works. Her form is molded and finished in exquisite delicacy of perfection. The earth gives us no form more perfect, no features more symmetrical, no style more chaste, no movements more graceful, no finish more complete; so that our artists ever have and ever will regard the woman-form of humanity as the most perfect earthly type of beauty. This form is most perfect and symmetrical in the youth of womanhood; so that the youthful woman is earth's queen of beauty. This is true, not only by the common consent of mankind, but also by the strictest rules of scientific criticism.



5. FADELESS BEAUTY.—There cannot be a picture without its bright spots; and the steady contemplation of what is bright in others, has a reflex influence upon the beholder. It reproduces what it reflects. Nay, it seems to leave an impress even upon the countenance. The feature, from having a dark, sinister aspect, becomes open, serene, and sunny. A countenance so impressed, has neither the vacant stare of the idiot, nor the crafty, penetrating look of the basilisk, but the clear, placid aspect of truth and goodness. The woman {94} who has such a face is beautiful. She has a beauty which changes not with the features, which fades not with years. It is beauty of expression. It is the only kind of beauty which can be relied upon for a permanent influence with the other sex. The violet will soon cease to smile. Flowers must fade. The love that has nothing but beauty to sustain it, soon withers away.

6. A PRETTY WOMAN PLEASES THE EYE, a good woman, the heart. The one is a jewel, the other a treasure. Invincible fidelity, good humor, and complacency of temper, outlive all the charms of a fine face, and make the decay of it invisible. That is true beauty which has not only a substance, but a spirit; a beauty that we must intimately know to justly appreciate.

7. THE WOMAN YOU LOVE BEST.—Beauty, dear reader, is probably the woman you love best, but we trust it is the beauty of soul and character, which sits in calm majesty on the brow, lurks on the lip, and will outlive what is called a fine face.

8. THE WEARING OF ORNAMENTS.—Beauty needs not the foreign aid of ornament, but is when unadorned adorned the most, is a trite observation; but with a little qualification it is worthy of general acceptance. Aside from the dress itself, ornaments should be very sparingly used—at any rate, the danger lies in over-loading oneself, and not in using too few. A young girl, and especially one of a light and airy style of beauty, should never wear gems. A simple flower in her hair or on her bosom is all that good taste will permit. When jewels or other ornaments are worn, they should be placed where you desire the eye of the spectator to rest, leaving the parts to which you do not want attention called as plain and negative as possible. There is no surer sign of vulgarity than a profusion of heavy jewelry carried about upon the person.



{95}

Sensible Helps to Beauty.



1. FOR SCRAWNY NECK.—Take off your tight collars, feather boas and such heating things. Wash neck and chest with hot water, then rub in sweet oil all that you can work in. Apply this every night before you retire and leave the skin damp with it while you sleep.

2. FOR RED HANDS.—Keep your feet warm by soaking them often in hot water, and keep your hands out of the water as much as possible. Rub your hands with the skin of a lemon and it will whiten them. If your skin will bear glycerine after you have washed, pour into the palm a little glycerine and lemon juice mixed, and rub over the hands and wipe off.

3. NECK AND FACE.—Do not bathe the neck and face just before or after being out of doors. It tends to wrinkle the skin.

4. SCOWLS.—Never allow yourself to scowl, even if the sun be in your eyes. That scowl will soon leave its trace and no beauty will outlive it. {96}

5. WRINKLED FOREHEAD.—If you wrinkle your forehead when you talk or read, visit an oculist and have your eyes tested, and then wear glasses to fit them.

6. OLD LOOKS.—Sometimes your face looks old because it is tired. Then apply the following wash and it will make you look younger: Put three drops of ammonia, a little borax, a tablespoonful of bay rum, and a few drops of camphor into warm water and apply to your face. Avoid getting it into your eyes.

7. THE BEST COSMETIC.—Squeeze the juice of a lemon into a pint of sweet milk. Wash the face with it every night and in the morning wash off with warm rain water. This will produce a very beautiful effect upon the skin.

8. SPOTS ON THE FACE.—Moles and many other discolorations may be removed from the face by a preparation composed of one part chemically pure carbolic acid and two parts pure glycerine. Touch the spots with a camel's-hair pencil, being careful that the preparation does not come in contact with the adjacent skin. Five minutes after touching, bathe with soft water and apply a little vaseline. It may be necessary to repeat the operation, but if persisted in, the blemishes will be entirely removed.

9. WRINKLES.—This prescription is said to cure wrinkles: Take one ounce of white wax and melt it to a gentle heat. Add two ounces of the juice of lily bulbs, two ounces of honey, two drams of rose water, and a drop or two of ottar of roses. Apply twice a day, rubbing the wrinkles the wrong way. Always use tepid water for washing the face.

10. THE HAIR.—The hair must be kept free from dust or it will fall out. One of the best things for cleaning it, is a raw egg rubbed into the roots and then washed out in several waters. The egg furnishes material for the hair to grow on, while keeping the scalp perfectly clean. Apply once a month.

11. LOSS OF HAIR.—When through sickness or headache the hair falls out, the following tonic may be applied with good effect: Use one ounce of glycerine, one ounce of bay rum, one pint of strong sage tea, and apply every other night, rubbing well into the scalp.

* * * * *

{97}

How to Keep the Bloom and Grace of Youth.

THE SECRET OF ITS PRESERVATION.



1. The question most often asked by women is regarding the art of retaining, with advancing years, the bloom and grace of youth. This secret is not learned through the analysis of chemical compounds, but by a thorough study of nature's laws peculiar to their sex. It is useless for women with wrinkled faces, dimmed eyes and blemished skins to seek for external applications of beautifying balms and lotions to bring the glow of life and health into the face, and yet there are truths, simple yet wonderful, whereby the bloom of early life can be restored and retained, as should be the heritage of all God's children, sending the light of beauty into every woman's face. The secret:

2. Do not bathe in hard water; soften it with a few drops of ammonia, or a little borax.

3. Do not bathe the face while it is very warm, and never use very cold water.

4. Do not attempt to remove dust with cold water; give your face a hot bath, using plenty of good soap, then give it a thorough rinsing with warm water.

5. Do not rub your face with a coarse towel.

6. Do not believe you can remove wrinkles by filling in the crevices with powder. Give your face a Russian bath every night; that is, bathe it with water so hot that you wonder how you can bear it, and then, a minute after, with moderately cold water, that will make your face glow with warmth; dry it with a soft towel.

* * * * * {98}

Form and Deformity.



1. PHYSICAL DEFORMITIES.—Masquerading is a modern accomplishment. Girls wear tight shoes, burdensome skirts, corsets, etc., all of which prove so fatal to their health. At the age of seventeen or eighteen, our "young ladies" are sorry specimens of feminality; and palpitators, cosmetics and all the modern paraphernalia are required to make them appear fresh and blooming. Man is equally at fault. A devotee to all the absurd devices of fashion, he practically asserts that "dress makes the man." But physical deformities are of far less importance than moral imperfections.

2. DEVELOPMENT OF THE INDIVIDUAL.—It is not possible for human beings to attain their full stature of humanity, except by loving long and perfectly. Behold that venerable man! he is mature in judgment, perfect in every action and expression, and saintly in goodness. You almost worship as you behold. What rendered him thus perfect? What {99} rounded off his natural asperities, and moulded up his virtues? Love, mainly. It permeated every pore, and seasoned every fibre of his being, as could nothing else. Mark that matronly woman. In the bosom of her family she is more than a queen and goddess combined. All her looks and actions express the outflowing of some or all of the human virtues. To know her is to love her. She became thus perfect, not in a day or year, but by a long series of appropriate means. Then by what? Chiefly in and by love, which is specially adapted thus to develop this maturity.

3. PHYSICAL STATURE.—Men and women generally increase in stature until the twenty-fifth year, and it is safe to assume, that perfection of function is not established until maturity of bodily development is completed. The physical contour of these representations plainly exhibits the difference in structure, and also implies difference of function. Solidity and strength are represented by the organization of the male, grace and beauty by that of the female. His broad shoulders represent physical power and the right of dominion, while her bosom is the symbol of love and nutrition.

HOW TO DETERMINE A PERFECT HUMAN FIGURE.



The proportions of the perfect human figure are strictly mathematical. The whole figure is six times the length of the foot. Whether the form be slender or plump, this rule holds good. Any deviation from it is a departure from the highest beauty of proportion. The Greeks made all their statues according to this rule. The face, from the highest point of the forehead, where the hair begins, to the end of the chin, is one-tenth of the whole stature. The hand, from the wrist to the end of the middle finger, is the same. The chest is a fourth, and from the nipples to the top of the head is the same. From the top of the chest to the highest point of the forehead is a seventh. If the length of the face, from the roots of the hair to the chin, be divided into three equal parts, the first division determines the point where the eyebrows meet, and the second the place of the nostrils. The navel is the central point of the human body, and if a man should lie on his back with his arms and legs extended, the periphery of the circle which might be described around him, with the navel for its center, would touch the extremities of his hands and feet. The height from the feet to the top of the head is the same as the {100} distance from the extremity of one hand to the extremity of the other when the arms are extended.

The Venus de Medici is considered the most perfect model of the female forms, and has been the admiration of the world for ages. Alexander Walker, after minutely describing this celebrated statue, says: "All these admirable characteristics of the female form, the mere existence of which in woman must, one is temped to imagine, be, even to herself, a source of ineffable pleasure, these constitute a being worthy, as the personification of beauty, of occupying the temples of Greece; present an object finer, alas, than Nature even seems capable of producing; and offer to all nations and ages a theme of admiration and delight." Well might Thomson say:

So stands the statue that enchants the world, So, bending, tries to vail the matchless boast— The mingled beauties of exulting Greece.

We beg our readers to observe the form of the waist (evidently innocent of corsets and tight dresses) of this model woman, and also that of the Greek Slave in the accompanying outlines. These forms are such as unperverted nature and the highest art alike require. To compress the waist, and thereby change its form, pushing the ribs inward, displacing the vital organs, and preventing the due expansion of the lungs, is as destructive to beauty as it is to health. {101}

THE HISTORY, MYSTERY, BENEFITS AND INJURIES OF THE CORSET.



1. The origin of the corset is lost in remote antiquity. The figures of the early Egyptian women show clearly an artificial shape of the waist produced by some style of corset. A similar style of dress must also have prevailed among the ancient Jewish maidens; for Isaiah, in calling upon the women to put away their personal adornments, says: "Instead of a girdle there shall be a rent, and instead of a stomacher (corset) a girdle of sackcloth."

2. Homer also tells us of the cestus or girdle of Venus, which was borrowed by the haughty Juno with a view to increasing her personal attractions, that Jupiter might be a more tractable and orderly husband.

3. Coming down to the later times, we find the corset was used in France and England as early as the 12th century.

4. The most extensive and extreme use of the corset occurred in the 16th century, during the reign of Catherine de Medici of France and Queen Elizabeth of England. With Catherine de Medici a thirteen-inch waist measurement was considered the standard of fashion, while a thick waist was an abomination. No lady could consider her figure of proper shape unless she could span her waist with her two hands. To produce this result a strong rigid corset was worn night and day until the waist was laced down to the required size. Then over this corset was placed the steel apparatus shown in the illustration on next page. This corset-cover reached from the hip to the throat, and {102} produced a rigid figure over which the dress would fit with perfect smoothness.

5. During the 18th century corsets were largely made from a species of leather known as "Bend," which was not unlike that used for shoe soles, and measured nearly a quarter of an inch in thickness. One of the most popular corsets of the time was the corset and stomacher shown in the accompanying illustration.



6. About the time of the French Revolution a reaction set in against tight lacing, and for a time there was a return to the early classical Greek costume. This style of dress prevailed, with various modifications, until about 1810, when corsets and tight lacing again returned with threefold fury. Buchan, a prominent writer of this period, says that it was by no means uncommon to see "a mother lay her daughter down upon the carpet, and, placing her foot upon her back, break half a dozen laces in tightening her stays."

7. It is reserved to our own time to demonstrate that corsets and tight lacing do not necessarily go hand in hand. Distortion and feebleness are not beauty. A proper proportion should exist between the size of the waist and the breadth of the shoulders and hips, and if the waist is diminished below this proportion, it suggests disproportion and invalidism rather than grace and beauty.

8. The perfect corset is one which possesses just that degree of rigidity which will prevent it from wrinkling, but will at the same time allow freedom in the bending and twisting of the body. Corsets boned with whalebone, horn or steel are necessarily stiff, rigid and uncomfortable. After a few days' wear the bones or steels become bent and set in position, or, as more frequently happens, they break and cause injury or discomfort to the wearer.

9. About seven years ago an article was discovered for the stiffening of corsets, which has revolutionized the corset industry of the world. This article is manufactured from {103} the natural fibers of the Mexican Ixtle plant, and is known as Coraline. It consists of straight, stiff fibers like bristles bound together into a cord by being wound with two strands of thread passing in opposite directions. This produces an elastic fiber intermediate in stiffness between twine and whalebone. It cannot break, but it possesses all the stiffness and flexibility necessary to hold the corset in shape and prevent its wrinkling.

We congratulate the ladies of to-day upon the advantages they enjoy over their sisters of two centuries ago, in the forms and the graceful and easy curves of the corsets now made as compared with those of former times.



{104}

TIGHT-LACING.



It destroys natural beauty and creates an unpleasant and irritable temper. A tight-laced chest and a good disposition cannot go together. The human form has been molded by nature, the best shape is undoubtedly that which she has given it. To endeavor to render it more elegant by artificial means is to change it; to make it much smaller below and much larger above is to destroy its beauty; to keep it cased up in a kind of domestic cuirass is not only to deform it, but to expose the internal parts to serious injury. Under such compression as is commonly practiced by ladies, the {105} development of the bones, which are still tender, does not take place conformably to the intention of nature, because nutrition is necessarily stopped, and they consequently become twisted and deformed.

Those who wear these appliances of tight-lacing often complain that they cannot sit upright without them—are sometimes, indeed, compelled to wear them during all the twenty-four hours; a fact which proves to what extent such articles weaken the muscles of the trunk. The injury does not fall merely on the internal structure of the body, but also on its beauty, and on the temper and feelings with which that beauty is associated. Beauty is in reality but another name for expression of countenance, which is the index of sound health, intelligence, good feelings and peace of mind. All are aware that uneasy feelings, existing habitually in the breast speedily exhibit their signature on the countenance, and that bitter thoughts or a bad temper spoil the human expression of its comeliness and grace.

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{107}

The Care of the Hair.



1. THE COLOR OF THE HAIR.—The color of the hair corresponds with that of the skin—being dark or black, with a dark complexion, and red or yellow with a fair skin. When a white skin is seen in conjunction with black hair, as among the women of Syria and Barbary, the apparent exception arises from protection from the sun's rays, and opposite colors are often found among people of one prevailing feature. Thus red-haired Jews are not uncommon, though the nation in general have dark complexion and hair.

2. THE IMPERISHABLE NATURE OF HAIR.—The imperishable nature of hair arises from the combination of salt and metals in its composition. In old tombs and on mummies it has been found in a perfect state, after a lapse of over two thousand years. There are many curious accounts proving the indestructibility of the human hair.

3. TUBULAR.—In the human family the hairs are tubular, the tubes being intersected by partitions, resembling in some degree the cellular tissue of plants. Their hollowness prevents incumbrance from weight, while their power of resistance is increased by having their traverse sections rounded in form.

4. CAUTIONS.—It is ascertained that a full head of hair, beard and whiskers, are a prevention against colds and consumptions. Occasionally, however, it is found necessary to remove the hair from the head, in cases of fever or disease, to stay the inflammatory symptoms, and to relieve the brain. The head should invariably be kept cool. Close night-caps are unhealthy, and smoking-caps and coverings for the head within doors are alike detrimental to the free growth of the hair, weakening it, and causing it to fall out.

HOW TO BEAUTIFY AND PRESERVE THE HAIR.

1. TO BEAUTIFY THE HAIR.—Keep the head clean, the pores of the skin open, and the whole circulatory system in a healthy condition, and you will have no need of bear's grease (alias hog's lard). Where there is a tendency in the hair to fall off on account of the weakness or sluggishness of the circulation, or an unhealthy state of the skin, cold water and friction with a tolerably stiff brush are probably the best remedial agents.

2. BARBER'S SHAMPOOS.—Are very beneficial if properly prepared. They should not be made too strong. Avoid strong shampoos of any kind. Great caution should be exercised in this matter. {108}

3. CARE OF THE HAIR.—To keep the hair healthy, keep the head clean. Brush the scalp well with a stiff brush, while dry. Then wash with castile soap, and rub into the roots, bay rum, brandy or camphor water. This done twice a month will prove beneficial. Brush the scalp thoroughly twice a week. Dampen the hair with soft water at the toilet, and do not use oil.

4. HAIR WASH.—Take one ounce of borax, half an ounce of camphor powder—these ingredients fine—and dissolve them in one quart of boiling water. When cool, the solution will be ready for use. Dampen the hair frequently. This wash is said not only to cleanse and beautify, but to strengthen the hair, preserve the color and prevent baldness.

ANOTHER EXCELLENT WASH.—The best wash we know for cleansing and softening the hair is an egg beaten up and rubbed well into the hair, and afterwards washed out with several washes of warm water.

5. THE ONLY SENSIBLE AND SAFE HAIR OIL.—The following is considered a most valuable preparation: Take of extract of yellow Peruvian bark, fifteen grains; extract of rhatany root, eight grains; extract of burdoch root and oil of nutmegs (fixed), of each two drachms; camphor (dissolve with spirits of wine), fifteen grains; beef marrow, two ounces; best olive oil, one ounce; citron juice, half a drachm; aromatic essential oil, as much as sufficient to render it fragrant; mix and make into an ointment. Two drachms of bergamot, and a few drops of attar of roses would suffice.

6. HAIR WASH.—A good hair wash is soap and water, and the oftener it is applied the freer the surface of the head will be from scurf. The hair-brush should also be kept in requisition morning and evening.

7. TO REMOVE SUPERFLUOUS HAIR.—With those who dislike the use of arsenic, the following is used for removing superfluous hair from the skin: Lime, one ounce; carbonate of potash, two ounces; charcoal powder, one drachm. For use, make it into a paste with a little warm water, and apply it to the part, previously shaved close. As soon as it has become thoroughly dry, it may be washed off with a little warm water.

8. COLORING FOR EYELASHES AND EYEBROWS.—In eyelashes the chief element of beauty consists in their being long and glossy; the eyebrows should be finely arched and clearly divided from each other. The most innocent darkener of the brow is the expressed juice of the elderberry, or a burnt clove. {109}



9. CRIMPING HAIR.—To make the hair stay in crimps, take five cents worth of gum arabic and add to it just enough boiling water to dissolve it. When dissolved, add enough alcohol to make it rather thin. Let this stand all night and then bottle it to prevent the alcohol from evaporating. This put on the hair at night, after it is done up in papers or pins, will make it stay in crimp the hottest day, and is perfectly harmless.

10. TO CURL THE HAIR.—There is no preparation that will make naturally straight hair assume a permanent curl. The following will keep the hair in curl for a short time: Take borax, two ounces; gum arabic, one drachm; and hot {110} water, not boiling, one quart; stir, and, as soon as the ingredients are dissolved, add three tablespoonfuls of strong spirits of camphor. On retiring to rest, wet the hair with the above liquid, and roll in twists of paper as usual. Do not disturb the hair until morning, when untwist and form into ringlets.

11. FOR FALLING OR LOOSENING OF THE HAIR.—Take:

Alcohol, a half pint. Salt, as much as will dissolve. Glycerine, a tablespoonful. Flour of sulphur, teaspoonful. Mix.

Rub on the scalp every morning.

12. TO DARKEN THE HAIR WITHOUT BAD EFFECTS.—Take:

Blue vitriol (powdered), one drachm. Alcohol, one ounce. Essence of roses, ten drops. Rain-water, a half-pint.

Shake together until they are thoroughly dissolved.

13. GRAY HAIR.—There are no known means by which the hair can be prevented from turning gray, and none which can restore it to its original hue, except through the process of dyeing. The numerous "hair color restorers" which are advertised are chemical preparations which act in the manner of a dye or as a paint, and are nearly always dependent for their power on the presence of lead. This mineral, applied to the skin, for a long time, will lead to the most disastrous maladies—lead-palsy, lead colic, and other symptoms of poisoning. It should, therefore, never be used for this purpose.



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{111}

How to Cure Pimples or Other Facial Eruptions.



1. It requires self-denial to get rid of pimples, for persons troubled with them will persist in eating fat meats and other articles of food calculated to produce them. Avoid the use of rich gravies, or pastry, or anything of the kind in excess. Take all the out-door exercise yon can and never indulge in a late supper. Retire at a reasonable hour, and rise early in the morning. Sulphur to purify the blood may be taken three times a week—a thimbleful in a glass of milk before breakfast. It takes some time for the sulphur to do its work, therefore persevere in its use till the humors, or pimples, or blotches, disappear. Avoid getting wet while taking the sulphur.

2. TRY THIS RECIPE: Wash the face twice a day in warm water, and rub dry with a coarse towel. Then with a soft towel rub in a lotion made of two ounces of white brandy, one ounce of cologne, and one-half ounce of liquor potassa. {112} Persons subject to skin eruptions should avoid very salty or fat food. A dose of Epsom salts occasionally might prove beneficial.

3. Wash the face in a dilution of carbolic acid, allowing one teaspoonful to a pint of water. This is an excellent and purifying lotion, and may be used on the most delicate skins. Be careful about letting this wash get into the eyes.

4. Oil of sweet almonds, one ounce; fluid potash, one drachm. Shake well together, and then add rose water, one ounce; pure water, six ounces. Mix. Rub the pimples or blotches for some minutes with a rough towel, and then dab them with the lotion.

5. Dissolve one ounce of borax, and sponge the face with it every night. When there are insects, rub on flower of sulphur dry after washing, rub well and wipe dry; use plenty of castile soap.

6. Dilute corrosive sublimate with oil of almonds. A few days' application will remove them.

* * * * *

BLACK-HEADS AND FLESH WORMS.



* * * * *



This is a minute little creature, scientifically called Demodex folliculorum, hardly visible to the naked eye, with comparatively large fore body, a more slender hind body and eight little stumpy processes that do duty as legs. No specialized head is visible, although of course there is a mouth orifice. These creatures live on the sweat glands or pores of the human face, and owing to the appearance that they give to the infested pores, they are usually known as "black-heads." It is not at all uncommon to see an otherwise pretty face disfigured by these ugly creatures, although the insects themselves are nearly transparent white. The black appearance is really due the accumulation of dirt which gets under the edges of the skin of the enlarged sweat glands and cannot be removed in the ordinary way by washing, because the abnormal, hardened secretion of the gland itself becomes stained. These insects are so lowly organized that it is almost impossible to satisfactorily deal with them. {113} and they sometimes cause the continual festering of the skin which they inhabit.

REMEDY.—Press them out with a hollow key or with the thumb and fingers, and apply a mixture of sulphur and cream every evening. Wash every morning with the best toilet soap, or wash the face with hot water with a soft flannel at bedtime.

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{114}

Love.

But there's nothing half so sweet in life As love's young dream.—MOORE.

All love is sweet, Given or returned. Common as light is love, And its familiar voice wearies not ever.—SHELLEY.

Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love.—SHAKESPEARE.

Let those love now who never loved before, Let those that always loved now love the more.—PARNELL.



1. LOVE BLENDS YOUNG HEARTS.—Love blends young hearts in blissful unity, and, for the time, so ignores past ties and affections, as to make willing separation of the son from his father's house, and the daughter from all the sweet endearments of her childhood's home, to go out together, and rear for themselves an altar, around which shall cluster all the cares and delights, the anxieties and sympathies, of the family relationship; this love, if pure, unselfish, and discreet, constitutes the chief usefulness and happiness of human life.

2. WITHOUT LOVE.—Without love there would be no organized households, and, consequently, none of that earnest endeavor for competence and respectability, which is the mainspring to human effort; none of those sweet, softening, restraining and elevating influences of domestic life, which can alone fill the earth with the glory of the Lord and make glad the city of Zion. This love is indeed heaven upon earth; but above would not be heaven without it; where there is not love, there is fear; but, "love casteth out fear." And yet we naturally do offend what we most love.

3. LOVE IS THE SUN OF LIFE.—Most beautiful in morning and evening, but warmest and steadiest at noon. It is the sun of the soul. Life without love is worse than death; a world without a sun. The love which does not lead to labor will soon die out, and the thankfulness which does not embody itself in sacrifices is already changing to gratitude. Love is not ripened in one day, nor in many, nor even in a human lifetime. It is the oneness of soul with soul in appreciation and perfect trust. To be blessed it must rest in that faith in the Divine which underlies every other motion. To be true, it must be eternal as God himself.

4. LOVE IS DEPENDENT.—Remember that love is dependent upon forms; courtesy of etiquette guards and protects courtesy of heart. How many hearts have been lost irrevocably, and how many averted eyes and cold looks have been gained from what seemed, perhaps, but a trifling negligence of forms?

{116}



5. RADICAL DIFFERENCES.—Men and women should not be judged by the same rules. There are many radical differences in their affectional natures. Man is the creature of interest and ambition. His nature leads him forth into the struggle and bustle of the world. Love is but the embellishment of his early life, or a song piped in the intervals of the acts. He seeks for fame, for fortune, for space in the world's thoughts, and dominion over his fellow-men. But a woman's whole life is a history of the affections. The heart is her world; it is there her ambition strives for empire; it is there her ambition seeks for hidden treasures. She sends forth her sympathies on adventure; she embarks her whole soul in the traffic of affection; and if shipwrecked her case is hopeless, for it is bankruptcy of the heart.

6. WOMAN'S LOVE.—Woman's love is stronger than death; it rises superior to adversity, and towers in sublime beauty above the niggardly selfishness of the world. Misfortune cannot suppress it; enmity cannot alienate it; temptation cannot enslave it. It is the guardian angel of the nursery and the sick bed; it gives an affectionate concord to the partnership of life and interest, circumstances cannot modify it; it ever remains the same to sweeten existence, to purify the cup of life, on the rugged pathway to the grave, and melt to moral pliability the brittle nature of man. It is the ministering spirit of home, hovering in soothing caresses over the cradle, and the death-bed of the household, and filling up the urn of all its sacred memories.

7. A LADY'S COMPLEXION.—He who loves a lady's complexion, form and features, loves not her true self, but her soul's old clothes. The love that has nothing but beauty to sustain it, soon withers and dies. The love that is fed with presents always requires feeding. Love, and love only, is the loan for love. Love is of the nature of a burning glass, which, kept still in one place, fireth; changed often, it doth nothing. The purest joy we can experience in one we love, is to see that person a source of happiness to others. When you are with the person loved, you have no sense of being bored. This humble and trivial circumstance is the great test—the only sure and abiding test of love.

8. TWO SOULS COME TOGETHER.—When two souls come together, each seeking to magnify the other, each in subordinate sense worshiping the other, each help the other; the two flying together so that each wing-beat of the one helps each wing-beat of the other—when two souls come together thus, they are lovers. They who unitedly move themselves away from grossness and from earth, toward the throne of crystaline and the pavement golden, are, indeed, true lovers.

{118}



The Power and Peculiarities of Love.

* * * * *

LOVE IS A TONIC AND A REMEDY FOR DISEASE, MAKES PEOPLE LOOK YOUNGER, CREATES INDUSTRY, ETC.

* * * * *

"All thoughts, all passions, all desires, Whatever stirs this mortal frame, Are ministers of Love, And feed his sacred flame."

1. It is a physological fact long demonstrated that persons possessing a loving disposition borrow less of the cares of life, and also live much longer than persons with a strong, narrow and selfish nature. Persons who love scenery, love domestic animals, show great attachment for all friends; love their home dearly and find interest and enchantment in almost everything have qualities of mind and heart which indicate good health and a happy disposition.

2. Persons who love music and are constantly humming or whistling a tune, are persons that need not be feared, they are kind-hearted and with few exceptions possess a loving disposition. Very few good musicians become criminals.

3. Parents that cultivate a love among then children will find that the same feeling will soon be manifested in their children's disposition. Sunshine in the hearts of the parents will blossom in the lives of the children. The parent who continually cherishes a feeling of dislike and rebellion in his soul, cultivating moral hatred against his fellow-man, will soon find the same things manifested by his son. As the son resembles his father in looks so he will to a certain extent resemble him in character. Love in the heart of the parent will beget kindness and affection in the heart of a child. Continuous scolding and fretting in the home will soon make love a stranger. {119}



4. If you desire to cultivate love, create harmony in all your feelings and faculties. Remember that all that is pure, holy and virtuous in love flows from the deepest fountain of the human soul. Poison the fountain and you change virtue to vice, and happiness to misery.

5. Love strengthens health, and disappointment cultivates disease. A person in love will invariably enjoy the best of health. Ninety-nine per cent. of our strong constitutioned men, now in physical ruin, have wrecked themselves on the breakers of an unnatural love. Nothing but right love and a right marriage will restore them to health.

6. All men feel much better for going a courting, providing they court purely. Nothing tears the life out of man more than lust, vulgar thoughts and immoral conduct. The libertine or harlot has changed love, God's purest gift to man, into lust. They cannot acquire love in its purity again, the sacred flame has vanished forever. Love is pure, and cannot be found in the heart of a seducer.

7. A woman is never so bright and full of health as when deeply in love. Many sickly and frail women are snatched from the clutches of some deadly disease and restored to health by falling in love.

8. It is a long established fact that married persons are healthier than unmarried persons; thus it proves that health and happiness belong to the home. Health depends upon mind. Love places the mind into a delightful state and quickens every human function, makes the blood circulate and weaves threads of joy into cables of domestic love.