Let both preserve a strict guard over their tongues, that neither may utter anything rude, contemptuous or severe, and guard their tempers, that neither may ever grow passionate or become sullen or morose in one another's presence. They should not expect too much from each other; if either offends, it is the part of the other to forgive, remembering that no one is free from faults, and that we are all constantly erring.

If, perchance, after they have entered upon the stern realities of life, they find, that they have made a mistake, that they are not well mated, then they must accept the inevitable and endure to the end, "for better or for worse;" for only in this way can they find consolation for having found out, when too late, that they were unfitted for a life-long companionship. A journalist has said: "No lessons learned by experience, however sharply taught and sadly earned, can enlighten the numbed senses which love has sent to sleep by its magic fascination; and things as plain as the sun in heaven to others are dark as night, unfathomable as the sea, to those who let themselves love before they prove."

DUTIES OF THE WIFE TO HER HUSBAND.

The wife should remember that upon her, to the greatest extent, devolves the duty of making home happy. She should do nothing to make her husband feel uncomfortable, either mentally or physically, but on the other hand she should strive to the utmost of her ability to do whatever is best calculated to please him, continually showing him that her love, plighted upon the altar, remains steadfast, and that no vicissitudes of fortune can change or diminish it.

She should never indulge in fits of temper, hysterics, or other habits of ill-breeding, which, though easy to conquer at first, grow and strengthen with indulgence, if she would retain her husband as her lover and her dearest and nearest friend. She should be equally as neat and tidy respecting her dress and personal appearance at home as when she appears in society, and her manners towards her husband should be as kind and pleasing when alone with him as when in company. She should bear in mind that to retain the good opinion of her husband is worth far more than to gain the good opinion of hundreds of the devotees of society, and that as she possesses the love and confidence of her husband, so will she receive the respect and esteem of all his friends.

She should be careful not to confide to another any small misunderstandings or petty quarrels between herself and husband, should any occur. This is the surest method of widening any breach of harmony that may occur between husband and wife, for the more such misunderstandings are talked about, and the more advice she receives from her confidants, there is less probability that harmonious relations will be speedily resumed.

THE WIFE A HELPMATE.

A wife should act openly and honorably in regard to money matters, keeping an exact account of her expenditures, and carefully guarding against any extravagances; and while her husband is industriously at work, she should seek to encourage him, by her own frugality, to be economical, thrifty, enterprising and prosperous in his business, that he may be better enabled, as years go by and family cares press more heavily on each, to afford all the comforts and perhaps some of the luxuries of a happy home. No condition is hopeless when the wife possesses firmness, decision and economy, and no outward prosperity can counteract indolence, folly and extravagance at home. She should consult the disposition and tastes of her husband, and endeavor to lead him to high and noble thoughts, lofty aims, and temporal comfort; be ever ready to welcome him home, and in his companionship draw his thoughts from business and lead him to the enjoyment of home comforts and happiness. The influence of a good wife over her husband may be very great, if she exerts it in the right direction. She should, above all things, study to learn the disposition of her husband, and if, perchance, she finds herself united to a man of quick and violent temper, the utmost discretion, as well as perfect equanimity on her own part is required, for she should have such perfect control over herself as to calm his perturbed spirits.

A HUSBAND'S DUTIES.

It must not be supposed that it devolves upon the wife alone to make married life and home happy. She must be seconded in her noble efforts by him who took her from her own parental fireside and kind friends, to be his companion through life's pilgrimage. He has placed her in a new home, provided with such comforts as his means permit, and the whole current of both their lives have been changed. His constant duty to his wife is to be ever kind and attentive, to love her as he loves himself, even sacrificing his own personal comfort for her happiness. From his affection for her, there should grow out a friendship and fellowship, such as is possessed for no other person. His evenings and spare moments should be devoted to her, and these should be used for their intellectual, moral and social advancement.

The cares and anxieties of business should not exclude the attentions due to wife and family, while he should carefully keep her informed of the condition of his business affairs. Many a wife is capable of giving her husband important advice about various details of his business, and if she knows the condition of his pecuniary affairs, she will be able to govern her expenditures accordingly.

It is the husband's duty to join with his wife in all her endeavors to instruct her children, to defer all matters pertaining to their discipline to her, aiding her in this respect as she requires it. In household matters the wife rules predominant, and he should never interfere with her authority and government in this sphere. It is his duty and should be his pleasure to accompany her to church, to social gatherings, to lectures and such places of entertainment as they both mutually enjoy and appreciate. In fact he ought not to attend a social gathering unless accompanied by his wife, nor go to an evening entertainment without her. If it is not a fit place for his wife to attend, neither is it fit for him.

While he should give his wife his perfect confidence in her faithfulness, trusting implicitly to her honor at all times and in all places, he should, on his part, remain faithful and constant to her, and give her no cause of complaint. He should pass by unnoticed any disagreeable peculiarities and mistakes, taking care at the proper time, and without giving offense, to remind her of them, with the idea of having her correct them. He should never seek to break her of any disagreeable habits or peculiarities she may possess, by ridiculing them. He should encourage her in all her schemes for promoting the welfare of her household, or in laudable endeavors to promote the happiness of others, by engaging in such works of benevolence and charity as the duties of her home will allow her to perform.

The husband, in fact, should act toward his wife as becomes a perfect gentleman, regarding her as the "best lady in the land," to whom, above all other earthly beings, he owes paramount allegiance. If he so endeavors to act, his good sense and judgment will dictate to him the many little courtesies which are due her, and which every good wife cannot fail to appreciate. The observance of the rules of politeness are nowhere more desirable than in the domestic circle, between husband and wife, parents and children.





CHAPTER XIX.

Home Training.

Our earliest and best recollections are associated with home. There the first lessons of infancy are learned. The mother's heart is the child's first school-room. The parents' examples are first imitated by the child, whose earliest impressions are gained from them. In no way are evil habits more effectually propagated than by example, and therefore parents should be what they wish their children to be.

THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE.

To the mother belongs the privilege of planting in the hearts of her children those seeds of love, which, nurtured and fostered, will bear the fruit of earnest and useful lives. It is she who must fit them to meet the duties and emergencies of life, and in this work of training she keeps her heart fresh and young, and thereby insures the growth of those powers with which nature has endowed her.

As the faculties of man, woman or child are brought into active exercise, so do they become strengthened, and the mother, in doing her work in the training of her children, grows in wisdom, in knowledge and in power, thus enabling her the better to perform her duties.

PARENTS SHOULD SET GOOD EXAMPLES.

As children first acquire knowledge and habits from the examples of their parents, the latter should be circumspect in all their actions, manners and modes of speech. If you wish your children's faces illumined with good humor, contentment and satisfaction, so that they will be cheerful, joyous and happy, day by day, then must your own countenance appear illumined by the sunshine of love. Kind words, kind deeds and loving looks are true works of charity, and they are needed in our home circle.

Never a tear bedims the eye, That time and patience can not dry; Never a lip is curved with pain, That can not be kissed into smiles again.

Your children will form habits of evil speaking if they hear you deal lightly with the reputation of another—if they hear you slander or revile your neighbor. If you wish your child to show charity toward the erring, you must set the example by the habitual exercise of that virtue yourself. Without this your teaching will be of but little avail. If you take pleasure in dwelling upon the faults of others, if you refuse to cover over their infirmities with the mantle of charity, your example will nullify your teaching, and your admonitions will be lost.

COURTESIES IN THE HOME CIRCLE.

Mothers should early train their children to regard all the courtesies of life as scrupulously toward each other as to mere acquaintances and strangers. This is the only way in which you can secure to them the daily enjoyment of a happy home. When the external forms of courtesy are disregarded in the family circle, we are sure to find contention and bickering perpetually recurring. Rudeness is a constant source of bickering. Each will have his own way of being rude, and each will be angry at some portion of the ill-breeding of all the rest, thus provoking accusations and retorts. Where the rule of life is to do good and to make others happy, there will be found the art of securing a happy home. It is said that there is something higher in politeness than Christian moralists have recognized. In its best forms, none but the truly religious man can show it, for it is the sacrifice of self in the habitual matters of life—always the best test of our principles—together with a respect for man as our brother, under the same great destiny.

EARLY MORAL TRAINING.

The true test of the success of any education is its efficiency in giving full use of the moral and intellectual faculties wherewith to meet the duties and the struggles of life, and not by the variety of knowledge acquired. The development of the powers of the mind and its cultivation are the work of a teacher; moral training is the work of the mother, and commences long before one word of precept can be understood. Children should be early taught to regard the rights of others, that they may early learn the rights which property confers and not entertain confused ideas upon this subject.

FORMATION OF HABITS.

Virtue is the child of good habits, and the formation of habits may be said to almost constitute the whole work of education. The mother can create habits which shall mold character and enable the mind to maintain that habitual sense of duty which gives command over the passions, and power to fight temptation, and which makes obedience to principle comparatively easy, under most circumstances. The social and domestic life are marred by habits which have grown into a second nature. It is not in an occasional act of civility that the charm of either home or society consists, but in continued practice of courtesy and respect for the rights and feelings of those around us. Whatever may be the precepts for a home, the practices of the fireside will give form to the habits. Parents who indulge in gossip, scandal, slander and tale-telling, will rear children possessing the same tastes and deteriorating habits. A parent's example outlines the child's character. It sinks down deep into his heart and influences his whole life for good or for evil. A parent should carefully avoid speaking evil of others, and should never exhibit faults requiring the mantle of charity to cover. A parent's example should be such as to excite an abhorrence of evil speaking, of tattling and of uncharitable construction of the motives of others. Let the mother begin the proper training of her children in early life and she will be able to so mold their characters that not only will they acquire the habit of bridling the tongue, but they will learn to avoid the presence of the slanderer as they do a deadly viper.

POLITENESS AT HOME.

Genuine politeness is a great fosterer of domestic love, and those who are habitually polished at home are those who exhibit good manners when abroad. When parents receive any little attention from their children, they should thank them for it. They should ask a favor only in a courteous way; never reply to questions in monosyllables, or indulge in the rudeness of paying no attention to a question, for such an example will be surely followed by the children. Parents sometimes thoughtlessly allow their children to form habits of disrespect in the home circle, which crop out in the bad manners that are found in society.

HOW TO REPROVE.

Parents should never check expressions of tenderness in their children, nor humiliate them before others. This will not only cause suffering to little sensitive hearts, but will tend to harden them. Reproof, if needed, should be administered to each child singly and alone.

CHEERFULNESS AT THE TABLE.

Children should not be prohibited from laughing and talking at the table. Joyousness promotes the circulation of the blood, enlivens and invigorates it, and sends it to all parts of the system, carrying with it animation, vigor and life. Controversy should not be permitted at the table, nor should any subjects which call forth political or religious difference. Every topic introduced should be calculated to instruct, interest or amuse. Business matters, past disappointments and mishaps should not be alluded to, nor should bad news be spoken of at the table, nor for half an hour before. All conversation should be of joyous and gladsome character, such as will bring out pleasant remarks and agreeable associations. Reproof should never be administered at the table, either to a child or to a servant; no fault found with anything, and no unkind word should be spoken. If remarks are to be made of absent ones, they should be of a kind and charitable nature. Thus will the family table be the center of pleasant memories in future years, when the family shall have been scattered far and near, and some, perhaps, have been laid in their final resting-place.

TRAIN CHILDREN FOR SOME OCCUPATION.

Chancellor Kent says: "Without some preparation made in youth for the sequel of life, children of all conditions would probably become idle and vicious when they grow up, from want of good instruction and habits, and the means of subsistence, or from want of rational and useful occupations. A parent who sends his son into the world without educating him in some art, science, profession or business, does great injury to mankind, as well as to his son and his own family, for he defrauds the community of a useful citizen, and bequeaths to it a nuisance. That parent who trains his child for some special occupation, who inspires him with a feeling of genuine self-respect, has contributed a useful citizen to society."

BAD TEMPER.

Dread an insubordinate temper, and deal with it as one of the greatest evils. Let the child feel by your manner that he is not a safe companion for the rest of the family when he is in anger. Allow no one to speak to him at such times, not even to answer a question. Take from him books, and whatever he may have, and place him where he shall feel that the indulgence of a bad temper shall deprive him of all enjoyment, and he will soon learn to control himself.

SELFISHNESS.

Selfishness that binds the miser in his chains, that chills the heart, must never be allowed a place in the family circle. Teach the child to share his gifts and pleasures with others, to be obliging, kind and benevolent, and the influence of such instruction may come back into your own bosom, to bless your latest hours.

HOME MAXIMS FOR TRAINING CHILDREN.

Remember that children are men and women in miniature, and though they should be allowed to act as children, still our dealings with them should be manly and not morose. Remember also that every word, tone and gesture, nay, even your dress, makes an impression.

Never correct a child on suspicion, or without understanding the whole matter, nor trifle with a child's feelings when under discipline.

Be always mild and cheerful in their presence, communicative, but never extravagant, trifling or vulgar in language or gesture. Never trifle with a child nor speak beseechingly when it is doing wrong.

Always follow commands with a close and careful watch, until the thing is done, allowing no evasion and no modification, unless the child ask for it, and it be expressly granted.

Never reprove children severely in company, nor hold them up to ridicule, nor make light of their failings.

Never speak in an impatient, pitiful manner, if you have occasion to find fault.

Never say to a child, "I don't believe what you say," nor even imply your doubts. If you have such feelings, keep them to yourself and wait; the truth will eventually be made plain.

Never disappoint the confidence a child places in you, whether it be a thing placed in your care or a promise.

Always give prompt attention to a child when he speaks, so as to prevent repeated calls, and that he may learn to give prompt attention when you call him.

Never try to impress a child with religious truth when in anger, or talk to him of God, as it will not have the desired effect. Do it under more favorable circumstances.

At the table a child should be taught to sit up and behave in a becoming manner, not to tease when denied, nor to leave his chair without asking. A parent's wish at such time should be a law from which no appeal should be made.

Even in sickness gentle restraint is better for a child than indulgence.

There should never be two sets of manners, the one for home and the other for company, but a gentle behavior should be always required.







CHAPTER XX.

Home Culture.

The work of home culture should be made a matter of great importance to every one, for upon it depends the happiness of earthly homes, as well as our fitness for the enjoyment of the eternal home in heaven. The sufferings endured here, friend for friend, parents for children, unrequited sacrifices, cares and tears, all tend to discipline us, and prepare us for the recompense which eternity brings.

CULTIVATE MORAL COURAGE.

Moral courage will be cultivated in your children as they observe that you say and do whatever you conscientiously believe to be right and true, without being influenced by the views of others; thus showing them that you fear nothing so much as failing to do your duty. Perhaps this may be difficult to do, but every mother can at least show her appreciation of moral courage when she sees it exhibited by others, and in this way incite its growth in the souls of her children. Moral courage is a rare endowment, and those who possess it are able to act with perfect independence of the opinions of others, and govern themselves only by the laws of propriety, uprightness and charity.

THE PERNICIOUS INFLUENCE OF INDOLENCE.

If you would preserve your children from the pernicious influence of indolence and all its corrupting tendencies, you must be earnest in purpose, active, energetic and fervent in spirit. Earnestness sharpens the faculties; indolence corrodes and dulls them. By the former we rise higher and higher, by the latter we sink lower and lower. Indolence begets discontent, envy and jealousy, while labor elevates the mind and character. Cultivate in your children habits of thought which will keep their minds occupied upon something that will be of use or advantage, and prevent them from acquiring habits of idleness, if you would secure their future well-being.

It has been said that he who performs no useful act in society, who makes no human being happier, is leading a life of utter selfishness—a life of sin—for a life of selfishness is a life of sin. There is nowhere room for idleness. Work is both a duty and a necessity of our nature, and a befitting reward will ever follow it. To foster and encourage labor in some useful form, is a duty which parents should urge upon their children, if they should seek their best good.

SELF-RESPECT.

It is the mother's duty to see that her children protect themselves from the many pit-falls which surround them, such as malice, envy, conceit, avariciousness, and other evils, by being clad in the armor of self-respect; and then they will be able to encounter temptation and corruption, unstained and unpolluted. This feeling of self-respect is something stronger than self-reliance, higher than pride. It is an energy of the soul which masters the whole being for its good, watching with a never-ceasing vigilance. It is the sense of duty and the sense of honor combined. It is an armor, which, though powerless to shield from sorrows that purify and invigorate, yet will avert all hostile influences that assail, from whatever source they come. The mother having once made her children conscious that always and everywhere they carry with them such an angel to shield, warn and rescue them, may let them go out into the world, and fear nothing from the wiles and temptations which may beset them.

RESULTS OF GOOD-BREEDING IN THE HOME CIRCLE.

The laws of good-breeding in no place bear more gratifying results than in the home circle. Here, tempered with love, and nurtured by all kindly impulses, they bear the choicest fruit. A true lady will show as much courtesy, and observe the duties of politeness as unfailingly, toward every member of her family as toward her most distinguished guest. A true gentleman will feel bound to exercise courtesy and kindness in his intercourse with those who depend upon him for protection and example. Children influenced by such examples at home, will never fail to show to their elders the respect due them, to their young companions the same consideration for their feelings which they expect to meet with in return, nor to servants that patience which even the best too often require. In such a home peace and good will are the household gods.

FAULT-FINDING AND GRUMBLING.

The oil of civility is required to make the wheels of domestic life run smoothly. The habit of fault-finding and grumbling indulged in by some, is an exceedingly vexatious one, and will, in time, ruffle the calmest spirit and the sweetest temper. It is the little annoyances, perplexities and misfortunes which often render life a burden; the little omission of minor duties and the committing of little faults that perpetually scourge us and keep the heart sore. Constant fault-finding, persistent misrepresentations of motives, suspicions of evil where no evil was intended, will complete the work in all but the finest and most heroic natures. They alone can stand the fiery test, coming out purer and stronger for the ordeal. Children who habitually obey the commandment, "Be kind to one another," will find in mature life, how strong the bonds of affection may be that bind the members of the household together.

FAMILY JARS NOT TO BE MADE PUBLIC.

Whatever may be the family disagreements, they should never be made known outside of the home circle, if it can be avoided. Those who expose the faults of the members of their family are severely judged by the world, and no provocation can be a good excuse for it. It is exceedingly vulgar, not to say unchristianlike, for the members of the same family to be at enmity with one another.

YIELDING TO ONE ANOTHER.

One of the greatest disciplines of human life, is that which teaches us to yield our wills to those who have a claim upon us to do so, even in trifling, every-day affairs; the wife to the husband, children to parents, to teachers and to one another. In cases where principle is concerned, it is, of course, necessary to be firm, which requires an exercise of moral courage.

CONFLICTING INTERESTS.

Conflicting interests are a fruitful source of family difficulties. The command of Christ to the two brothers who came to Him with their disputes, "Beware of covetousness," is as applicable among members of the same family now, as it was when those words were spoken. It is better that you have few or no business transactions with any one who is near and dear to you, and connected by family ties. In business relations men are apt to be very exact, because of their habits of business, and this exactness is too often construed by near friends and relatives as actuated by purely selfish motives. Upon this rock many a bark of family love has been wrecked.

RELIGIOUS EDUCATION.

It is well to remember that every blessing of our lives, every joy of our hearts and every ray of hope shed upon our pathway, have had their origin in religion, and may be traced in all their hallowed, healthful influences to the Bible. With the dawn of childhood, then, in the earliest days of intelligence, should the mind be impressed and stored with religious truth, and nothing should be allowed to exclude or efface it. It should be taught so early that the mind will never remember when it began to learn; it will then have the character of innate, inbred principles, incorporated with their very being.

OBEDIENCE.

If you would not have all your instructions and counsels ineffectual, teach your children to obey. Government in a family is the great safeguard of religion and morals, the support of order and the source of prosperity. Nothing has a greater tendency to bring a curse upon a family than the insubordination and disobedience of children, and there is no more painful and disgusting sight than an ungoverned child.

INFLUENCE OF EXAMPLE.

Never forget that the first book children read is their parents' example—their daily deportment. If this is forgotten you may find, in the loss of your domestic peace, that while your children well know the right path, they follow the wrong.

Childhood is like a mirror, catching and reflecting images all around it. Remember that an impious, profane or vulgar thought may operate upon the heart of a young child like a careless spray of water upon polished steel, staining it with rust that no efforts can thoroughly efface.

Improve the first ten years of life as the golden opportunity, which may never return. It is the seed time, and your harvest depends upon the seed then sown.

THE INFLUENCE OF BOOKS.

Few mothers can over-estimate the influence which the companionship of books exerts in youth upon the habits and tastes of their children, and no mother who has the welfare of her children at heart will neglect the important work of choosing the proper books for them to read, while they are under her care. She should select for them such as will both interest and instruct, and this should be done during the early years, before their minds shall have imbibed the pernicious teachings of bad books and sensational novels. The poison imbibed from bad books works so secretly that their influence for evil is even greater than the influence of bad associates. The mother has it in her power to make such books the companions and friends of her children as her good judgment may select, and to impress upon them their truths, by conversing with them about the moral lessons or the intellectual instructions they contain. A taste may be easily cultivated for books on natural science and for history, as well as for those that teach important and wholesome lessons for the young, such as are contained in the works of Mrs. Edgeworth, Mrs. Child, Mrs. Yonge, and many other books written for the young.





CHAPTER XXI.

Woman's Higher Education.

It has been seen that in the rearing and training of her children, woman has a great work to perform; that in this work she exerts an incalculable influence upon untold numbers, and that she molds the minds and characters of her sons and daughters. How important, then, that she should cultivate her mental faculties to the highest extent, if for no other reason than to fit herself the better for the performance of this great duty of educating her children. How important it is, also, that she should look to the higher education of her daughters, who, in turn, will become mothers of future generations, or may, perhaps, by some vicissitude of fortune, become dependent upon their own resources for support. With the highest culture of the mental faculties, woman will be best enabled to faithfully perform whatever she may undertake.

TRAIN YOUNG WOMEN TO SOME OCCUPATION.

Owing to the changes in social and industrial life which have crowded many women from their homes into business and public life, women must train for their branch of labor as men train for their work, if they wish to attain any degree of success. Even where women have independent fortunes, their lives will be all the happier if they have been trained to some occupation, that, in case of reverses, may be made a self-sustaining one. A young woman who is able to support herself, increases her chances for a happy marriage, for, not being obliged to rely upon a husband for support or for a home, she is able to judge calmly of an offer when it comes, and is free to accept or decline, because of her independence. Women are capable of and adapted to a large number of employments, which have hitherto been kept from them, and some of these they are slowly wrenching from the hands of the sterner sex. In order that women may enter the ranks of labor which she is forcing open to herself, she needs a special education and training to fit her for such employment.

EDUCATION OF GIRLS TOO SUPERFICIAL.

The school instruction of our girls is too superficial. There is a smattering of too many branches, where two or three systematically studied and thoroughly mastered, would accomplish much more for them in the way of a sound mental training, which is the real object of education. The present method of educating young girls is to give them from five to ten studies, in which they prepare lessons, and this, too, at an age when their physical development suffers and is checked by excess of mental labor. Such a course of instruction, bestowing only a smattering of many branches, wastes the powers of the mind, and deters, rather than aids, self-improvement. It is only a concentration of the mind upon the thorough acquisition of all it undertakes that strengthens the reflective, and forms the reasoning, faculties, and thus helps to lay a solid foundation for future usefulness. The word education means to educe, to draw out the powers of the mind; not the cramming into it of facts, dates and whole pages to be repeated verbatim.

AN EDUCATION APPROPRIATE TO EACH SEX.

The fact is becoming more palpable every year that there is an education appropriate to each sex; that identical education for the two sexes is so unnatural, that physiology protests against it and experience weeps over it. The physiological motto in education is, "Educate a man for manhood, a woman for womanhood, and both for humanity." Herbert Spencer, in speaking of the want of a proper course of education for girls, says: "It is an astonishing fact that, though on the treatment of offspring depend their lives or deaths, and their moral welfare or ruin, yet not one word of instruction on treatment of offspring is ever given to those who will, by and by, be parents." It will thus be seen, that as women have the care, the training and the education of children, they need an education in a special direction, and should have a very thorough one, to prepare them for the task.

WOMEN SHOULD HAVE A KNOWLEDGE OF THE LAWS OF HEALTH.

Physiology is one of the branches of that higher education, which should be thoroughly pursued by women to enable them to fulfill the various duties of their allotted stations. Yet it is also desirable that they should have a thorough knowledge of all branches that they undertake, and a mastery of the studies pursued by them; for the want of thoroughness in woman's education is an obstacle to success in all branches of labor. But woman should especially have a thorough knowledge of the laws of physiology and hygiene. If she becomes a mother, such knowledge will enable her to guard better the lives and health of her children. She will understand that when she sends out her child insufficiently clad, and he comes home chilled through, that his vitality, his power of resisting disease, is wasted. She will know that by taking the necessary precautions, she may save the child's life; that she must not take him thus chilled, to the fire or into a room highly heated, but that by gentle exercise or friction, she must restore the circulation of the blood, and in using such precautions, she may ward off the attacks of disease that would surely follow if they were neglected. This is but a single case, for there are instances of almost daily occurrence when a proper knowledge of the laws of health will ward off disease, in her own case, as well as in those of various members of her household. The diseases which carry off children, are for the most part, such as ought to be under the control of the women who love them, pet them, educate them, and who would, in many cases, lay down their lives for them.

RESULT OF IGNORANCE OF SANITARY LAWS.

Ignorance of the laws of ventilation in sleeping-rooms and school-rooms is the cause of a vast amount of disease. From ignorance of the signs of approaching disease, children are often punished for idleness, listlessness, sulkiness and wilfulness, and this punishment is too often by confinement in a closed room, and by an increase of tasks; when what is really needed is more oxygen, more open-air exercise, and less study. These forms of ignorance have too often resulted in malignant typhus and brain fevers. Knowledge of the laws of hygiene will often spare the waste of health and strength in the young, and will also spare anxiety and misery to those who love and tend them. If the time devoted to the many trashy so-called "accomplishments" in a young lady's education, were given to a study of the laws of preserving health, how many precious lives might be spared to loving parents, and how many frail and delicate forms, resulting from inattention to physical training, might have become strong and beautiful temples of exalted souls. We are all in duty bound to know and to obey the laws of nature, on which the welfare of our bodies depends, for the full enjoyment of our faculties can only be attained when the body is in perfect health.

IDLENESS A SOURCE OF MISERY.

Perhaps the greatest cause of misery and wretchedness in social life is idleness. The want of something to do is what makes people wicked and miserable. It breeds selfishness, mischief-making, envy, jealousy and vice, in all its most dreadful forms. It is the duty of mothers to see that their daughters are trained to habits of industry, that their minds are at all times occupied, that they are well informed as to household duties, and to the duties of married life, for upon a knowledge of household details may depend their life-long happiness or misery. It is frequently the case, that a girl's education ends just as her mind is beginning to mature and her faculties are beginning to develop. Her education ends when it ought properly to begin. She enters upon marriage entirely unprepared, and, perchance, by some misfortune, she is thrown penniless upon the world with no means of obtaining a livelihood, for her education has never fitted her for any vocation. Not having been properly taught herself, she is not able to teach, and she finds no avenue of employment open to her. An English clergyman, writing upon this subject, says: "Let girls take a serious interest in art; let them take up some congenial study, let it be a branch of science or history. Let them write. They can do almost anything they try to do, but let their mothers never rest until they have implanted in their daughters' lives one growing interest beyond flirtation and gossip, whether it be work at the easel, music, literature, the structure of the human body and the laws of health, any solid interest that will occupy their thoughts and their hearts. Idleness, frivolity and ignorance can only be put down by education and employment. In the last resort, the spirit of evil becomes teacher and task-master."

WOMEN SHOULD CULTIVATE A SPIRIT OF INDEPENDENCE.

In this country more than any other, women should, to some extent, cultivate a spirit of independence. They should acquire a knowledge of how business is transacted, of the relation between capital and labor, and of the value of labor, skilled and unskilled. As housekeepers, they would then be saved from many annoyances and mistakes. If they chance to be left alone, widows, or orphans possessing means, they would be saved from many losses and vexatious experiences by knowing how to transact their own business. And those women who are obliged to take care of themselves, who have no means, how necessary is it that they should have a thorough knowledge of some occupation or business by which they can maintain themselves and others dependent upon them. In this country, the daughter brought up in affluence, may, by some rapid change of fortune, be obliged, upon arriving at maturity, to be among the applicants for whatever employment she may be fitted. If she has been trained to some useful occupation, or if her faculties have been developed by a thoroughness of study of any subject she has undertaken, she will be better qualified to prepare herself to fill any position which may be open to her. With a mind drilled by constant study she will the more quickly acquire a knowledge and grasp the details of any subject or business to which she may devote herself.

HEALTH AND LIFE DEPENDENT UPON A HIGHER CULTURE.

Not only wealth and comfort, but health and life are dependent upon a higher form of culture, a more thorough course of education than is now the standard. Not more, but fewer branches of study and a more thorough comprehension of those pursued. Not only are the health and life of each woman dependent upon the kind and degree of the education she receives, but the health and lives of great numbers may depend upon it. In proportion as she has a knowledge of the laws and nature of a subject will she be able to work at it easily, rapidly and successfully. Knowledge of physical laws saves health and life, knowledge of the laws of intellect saves wear and tear of the brain, knowledge of the laws of political economy and business affairs saves anxiety and worrying.

CULTIVATION OF THE MORAL SENSE.

A well educated moral sense prevents idleness and develops a well regulated character, which will preserve from excess those tenderer emotions and deeper passions of woman, which are potent in her for evil or for good, in proportion as they are undisciplined and allowed to run wild, or are trained and developed into a noble and harmonious self-restraint.

The girl who has so educated and regulated her intellect, her tastes, her emotions and her moral sense, as to be able to discern the true from the false, will be ready for the faithful performance of whatever work in life is allotted to her; while she who is allowed to grow up ignorant, idle, vain, frivolous, will find herself fitted for no state of existence, and, in after years, with feelings of remorse and despair over a wasted life, may cast reproach upon those in whose trust was reposed her early education.

It is not for women alone that they should seek a higher education of their faculties and powers but for the sake of the communities in which they live, for the sake of the homes in which they rule and govern, and govern immortal souls, and for the sake of those other homes in the humbler walks of life, where they owe duties as ministering spirits as well as in their own, for in proportion as they minister to the comfort and health of others, so do they exalt their own souls. Women should seek a higher education in order that they may elevate themselves, and that they may prepare themselves for whatever duty they may be called upon to perform. In social life we find that the truest wives, the most patient and careful mothers, the most exemplary housekeepers, the model sisters, the wisest philanthropists and the women of the greatest social influence are women of cultivated minds.



CHAPTER XXII.

The Art of Letter Writing.

A French writer says, that the writing a note or letter, the wording of a regret, the prompt or the delayed answering of an invitation, the manner of a salutation, the neglect of a required attention, all betray to the well-bred the degree or the absence of good-breeding.

A person who has self-respect as well as respect for others, should never carelessly write a letter or note.

REQUIREMENTS FOR CORRECT WRITING.

The letter or note should be free from all flourishes. The rules of punctuation should be followed as nearly as possible, and no capital letters used where they are not required. Ink-blots, erasures, and stains on the paper are inadmissible. Any abbreviations of name, rank or title are considered rude, beyond those sanctioned by custom. No abbreviations of words should be indulged in, nor underlining of words intended to be made emphatic. All amounts of money or other numbers should be written, reserving the use of numerical figures for dates only. It is a good form to have the address of the writer printed at the top of the sheet, especially for all business letters. For letters of friendship and notes, pure white paper and envelopes are in better taste than tinted or colored, and the paper should be of a superior quality. When a page is once written from left to right side, it should not be written over again from top to bottom.

ANONYMOUS LETTERS.

No attention should ever be paid to anonymous letters. The writers of such stamp themselves as cowardly, and cowards do not hesitate to say or write what is not true when it suits their purpose. All statements made in such letters should be regarded as false, and the writers as actuated by some bad motives. Anonymous letters should be burned at once, for they are not to be noticed.

LETTERS AND NOTES.

The writing of notes in the third person is generally confined to notes of invitation, and such notes are never signed.

When a letter is upon business, commencing "Sir" or "Dear Sir," the name of the person addressed may be written either at the beginning or at the close of the letter, in the left hand corner. In letters commencing with the name of the person to whom you are writing, as, "My Dear Mrs. Brown," the name should not be repeated in the left hand corner.

No notes should be commenced very high or very low on the page, but nearer the top than the middle of the sheet.

MANNER OF ADDRESS.

In addressing a clergyman, it is customary to commence "Reverend Sir," or "Dear Sir." It is not now customary to write "B.A." or "M.A." after his name.

Doctors of divinity and medicine are thus distinguished: "To the Rev. John Blair, D.D.," or "Rev. Dr. Blair;" "To G.T. Roscoe, M.D.," "Doctor Roscoe" or "Dr. Roscoe."

The President of the United States and Governors of States, are addressed "His Excellency." U.S. Senators, members of Congress and men distinguished by holding various political offices of an honorable nature, are addressed as "Honorable."

The superscription or address should be written upon the envelope as legibly as possible, beginning a little to the left of the center of the envelope. The number of the house and name of the street may be written immediately under this line, or in the lower left hand corner, as the writer sees fit. The postage stamp should be securely fixed in the upper right hand corner of the envelope. The following forms will show the appearance of a properly addressed envelope:







In sending a letter in care of another person the following form is the manner in which the envelope should be addressed:



In sending a letter by a friend or acquaintance, and not through the mail, acknowledge the courtesy of your friend on the envelope. The letter should not be sealed. The following is the proper form:



A note or letter sent to a friend residing in the same place, by a messenger, may be addressed as follows, or bear the full address:



FORM OF A LETTER.



DEGREES OF FORMALITY OBSERVED.

In commencing and signing notes and letters there is a difference of opinion in the degrees of formality to be observed, but generally this scale is used according to the degree of acquaintance or friendship. "Madam" or "Sir," "Dear Madam" or "Dear Sir," "My Dear Madam" or "My Dear Sir," "Dear Mrs. Brown" or "Dear Mr. Brown," "My Dear Mrs. Brown" or "My Dear Mr. Brown," "My Dear Friend." In closing a note, the degrees are implied as follows: "Truly Yours" or "Yours Truly," "Very Truly Yours," "Sincerely Yours," "Cordially Yours," "Faithfully Yours," "Affectionately Yours." The proper words should be carefully selected, as the conclusion of a note or letter makes an impression on the person reading it. To aged persons the form, "With great respect, sincerely yours," recommends itself as a proper form. "Yours, etc.," is considered a rude ending. If you are sufficiently well acquainted with a person to address her "My Dear Mrs. ——," do not sign "Yours Truly," or "Truly Yours," as this is the form to be used in writing to strangers or in business letters.

SIGNATURE OF LADIES.

A married lady should not sign herself with the "Mrs." before her baptismal name, or a single lady with the "Miss." In writing to strangers who do not know whether to address you as Mrs. or Miss, the address should be given in full, after signing your letter; as "Mrs. John Smith," followed by the direction; or if unmarried, the "Miss" should be placed in brackets a short distance preceding the signature.

Only the letters of unmarried ladies and widows are addressed with their baptismal names. The letters of married ladies are addressed with their husbands' names, as "Mrs. John Smith."

LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.

Letters of introduction should be brief and carefully worded. Give in full the name of the person introduced, the city or town he is from, intimating the mutual pleasure that you believe the acquaintance will confer, adding a few remarks concerning the one introduced, as circumstances seem to require. Modest persons sometimes shrink from delivering letters of introduction which appear to them to be undeservedly complimentary. Letters of introduction are left unsealed, to be sealed before delivery by the one introduced. They should receive immediate attention by the parties who receive them. When a gentleman delivers such a letter to a lady, he is at liberty to call upon her, sending her his card to ascertain whether she will receive him then, or appoint another hour that will be more convenient. The same rule is to be observed by those whose stay in the city is short. He may also send it to her with his card bearing his address.

A letter of introduction should not be given, unless the person writing it is very well acquainted with the one whom he introduces, and the one to whom he writes. If the person who receives such a letter is really well-bred, you will hear from him or her within twenty-four hours, for a letter of introduction is said to be like a draft, it must be cashed at sight. The one receiving it either invites you to dine, or to meet others, or to a drive, or to visit some place of amusement. Too great caution cannot be exercised in giving a letter which makes such demands upon an acquaintance.

When the letter of introduction is left with a card, if there is a gentleman in the family, he may call upon the stranger the next day, unless some engagement prevents, when he should send his card with an invitation. If the letter introduces a gentleman to a lady, she may write a note of invitation in answer, appointing a time for him to call.

The following is an appropriate form for a letter of introduction.



[Illustration: New York, Dec 20, 1880.

Dear Sir:

I take great pleasure in introducing to you my esteemed friend, Miss Ida A Thornton, a young lady of culture and refinement, who will spend a few months in your city. I am sure that an acquaintance with her will be a pleasure to you, as it will also be to Miss Thornton. Any favor you may show her during her stay in your city, I will consider a personal favor.

Yours Sincerely, Mrs. J.Q.A. Jones.

To Geo. Morris, Chicago.]

The envelope containing a letter of introduction, should be addressed as follows:



NOTES OF CONGRATULATION OR CONDOLENCE.

Notes of congratulation and condolence should be brief, and the letter should only be sent by near and intimate friends. Do not allude to any subject except the one for which you are offering your congratulations or sympathy. Such notes should be made expressive of real feeling, and not be mere matters of form.

INVITATION TO A RECEPTION.

For a general reception, invitations are printed on cards. Their style is like the following, and do not require an answer unless "R.S.V.P." is upon one corner.



INVITATION TO A BALL.

The "At Home" form of invitation for a reception is often adopted for a ball with the word "Dancing" in one corner, though many people use the "At Home" form only for receptions. For balls the hours are not limited as at receptions. When the above form is not used for a ball, the invitation may read as follows:

"Mrs. Blair requests the pleasure of Miss Milton's company at a ball, on Tuesday, February 7, at 9 o'clock."

Invitations to a ball are always given in the name of the lady of the house, and require an answer, which should not be delayed. If the invitation is accepted, the answer should be as follows:

"Miss Milton accepts with pleasure Mrs. Blair's kind invitation for Tuesday, February 7."

If it is found impossible to attend, a note of regrets, something like the following, should be sent:

"Miss Milton regrets that intended absence from home (or whatever may be the preventing cause) prevents her accepting Mrs. Blair's kind invitation for February 7."

INVITATION TO A LARGE PARTY.

The invitation to a large party is similar to that for a ball, only the words "at a ball" are omitted, and the hour may be earlier. The notes of acceptance and regret are the same as for a ball. If the party is a small one, it should be indicated by inserting the words, "to a small evening party," so that there may be no misunderstanding. A large party calls for full evening dress, and it would be embarrassing for a lady or gentleman to go to a house in full evening dress, expecting to find a large party there in similar costumes, and meet only a few friends and acquaintances plainly dressed. If there is any special feature which is to give character to the evening, it is best to mention this fact in the note of invitation. Thus the words "musical party," "to take part in dramatic readings," "amateur theatricals," will denote the character of the evening's entertainment. If you have programmes, enclose one in the invitation.

INVITATION TO A PUBLIC ENTERTAINMENT.

An invitation from a gentleman to a lady to attend a concert, lecture, theatre, opera or other amusement, may read as follows:

"Mr. Hayden would be pleased to have Miss Morton's company to the Academy of Music, on Monday evening, November 8, when 'Richelieu' will be played by Edwin Booth's Company."

An invitation of this kind demands an immediate answer of acceptance or regrets. A previous engagement may be a reason for rejection.

DINNER INVITATIONS.

These are written in the name of the husband and wife, and demand an immediate reply. This form may be used:

"Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen's company at dinner, on Tuesday, the 13th of January, at 7 o'clock."

A note of acceptance may read as follows:

"Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow's kind invitation to dine with them on Tuesday, the 13th inst., at 7 o'clock."

A note of regret may read:

"Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen regret exceedingly that sickness in the family (or whatever the cause may be) prevents the acceptance of Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow's kind invitation to dine with them on Tuesday, January 13th."

INVITATIONS TO TEA.

An invitation to a tea-drinking may be less formal and should partake more of the nature of a private note; thus:

"Dear Miss Brock: Some friends are coming to drink tea with me on Thursday, and I should be glad of the pleasure of your company also. Please do not disappoint me."

An invitation of this informal nature needs no reply, unless "R.S.V.P." is appended, in which case the answer must be returned, if possible, by the messenger who brought it, or sent at once, as your friend may depend upon having a certain number of people at her tea-drinking, and if you cannot go, she will want to supply your place.

LESS FORMAL INVITATIONS.

Invitations of a less formal character are sent for charades, private theatricals, and for archery, croquet, sailing and garden parties; but, however informal the invitation (except only when a visiting card is used) on no account neglect to give immediate attention to it, by sending an acceptance or a regret, for any want of courtesy in this respect is unpardonable.

PROMPTNESS IN ANSWERING.

All invitations requiring answers should be answered as soon as possible after receiving them. The French have a saying, applicable to all notes of invitation, to the effect that it is as important to reply as promptly to a note requiring an answer, as it is to a question in speaking. All refined people who are accustomed to the best social forms, consider that it would be an unpardonable negligence to omit for a single day replying to an invitation or a note requiring a reply.

In accepting dinner invitations, repeat the hour and day named in your letter of acceptance, in order that if any mistake has been made it may be corrected.

Promptly acknowledge all attentions you receive, such as receiving presents of books, flowers, etc.

EXPRESSIONS TO BE USED.

The expression "presents compliments" has become obsolete in the writing of invitations. The expression "kind" or "very kind" invitation has taken the place of "polite," in notes of acceptance or regret. Be particular to distinguish between "go" and "come," you go to a friend's house and your friend comes to your house.

TIME TO SEND INVITATIONS.

Invitations for parties and entertainments of a formal nature, can be sent out for a week or two weeks before the entertainment is to take place. A notice of not less than one week is expected for such invitations. They should be printed or engraved on small note paper or large cards, with the envelopes to match, with no colors in the monogram, if one is used.

INVITATIONS FOR SEVERAL MEMBERS OF A FAMILY.

It is not considered good form to have one card of invitation answer for several persons belonging to the same family, or to address an invitation "Mrs. Blank and family," as it indicates a scarcity of cards. One card or invitation may be sent to Mr. and Mrs. Blank, and one each to the several members of the family who are to be invited.

THE LEAST FORMAL INVITATIONS.

The least formal, of formal invitations, is when a lady sends or leaves her own visiting card with the invitation upon it. An invitation of this kind need not be answered unless an "R.S.V.P." (Respondez s'il vous plait), is on the card. You go or not, as you please, but if you do not go, you call, or leave a card as soon after as is convenient.

UNCIVIL ANSWERS.

Uncivil and curt, not to say rude, answers are sometimes returned to invitations, more frequently the result of carelessness in their writers than of premeditated rudeness.

"Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown regret that they cannot accept Mrs. Smith's invitation for Wednesday evening,"

is a rude form of regret.

"Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown decline Mrs. Moses Smith's invitation for Friday evening,"

is a still ruder form.

A curt and thoughtless reply is:

"Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown's compliments and regrets for Friday evening."

REASONS FOR REGRETS.

"All regrets from persons who are not able to accept invitations, should contain a reason for regretting," is a rule strictly observed in our best society, and is considered especially binding in answering a first invitation. If persons are in mourning, they regret that a recent bereavement prevents them from accepting. Those contemplating being absent from home, regret that contemplated absence from home prevents them from accepting. "A previous engagement" is made the excuse when there is an engagement either at home or away from it, and also when one has no inclination to accept; which makes it quite necessary for those who really regret their inability to accept, to mention what that engagement is.

THE FAMILY LETTER.

It seems hardly necessary to give the form of a letter from one member of a family to another. It is often the case that letters sent from home to an absent member are decidedly unsatisfactory, if not to a great extent of little interest outside of one or two facts mentioned. Consequently some hint as to what those letters should be, are here given. They should be written as though the writer were talking, using familiar expressions, and such peculiarities as the writer possesses in ordinary speech should find a place in the letter. The writer may speak of many trivial things at and about home, and gossipy matters in the neighborhood, and should keep the absent one posted upon all minor facts and occurrences, as well as the more important ones. The writer may make inquiries as to how the absent one is enjoying himself, whether he finds any place better than home, and ask such other questions as he may desire, concluding with sincere expressions of affection from various members of the family. The absent one may, in like manner, express himself freely on all subjects, describe his journey minutely, and speak of whatever he may feel deep interest in. In short, a family letter may be as gossipy as the writer can make it, without much regard to an attempt at showy or dignified composition.

THE LETTER OF FRIENDSHIP.

This should be of a more dignified tone, contain less trivialities than the family letter, and should embrace matters that will be of interest to both. A letter of friendship should be answered in due time, according to the intimacy of the parties, but should not be delayed long enough to allow the friendship to cool, if there is a desire to keep it warm.

THE LOVE LETTER.

Of this it may be only said, that while it may be expressive of sincere esteem and affection, it should be of a dignified tone, and written in such a style, that if it should ever come under the eyes of others than the party to whom it was written, there may be found in it nothing of which the writer may be ashamed, either of silliness or of extravagant expression.

BUSINESS LETTERS.

These should be brief and to the point, should be of plain chirography, and relate to the business in hand, in as few words and as clearly as possible. Begin at once without apology or explanation, and finish up the matter pertaining to the business. If an apology or explanation is due, it may be made briefly at the close of the letter, after the business has been attended to. A letter on business should be answered at once, or as soon as possible after receiving it.

It is allowable, in some cases, upon receiving a brief business letter, to write the reply on the same page, beneath the original letter, and return both letter and answer together.

Among business letters may be classed all correspondence relating to business, applications for situations, testimonials regarding the character of a servant or employe, letters requesting the loan of money or an article, and letters granting or denying the favor; while all forms of drawing up notes, drafts and receipts may properly be included. The forms of some of these are here given.

LETTERS REQUESTING EMPLOYMENT.

A letter of this kind should be short, and written with care and neatness, that the writer may both show his penmanship and his business-like qualities, which are often judged of by the form of his letter. It may be after this fashion:

NEW YORK, March 1, 1880.

MESSRS. LORD & NOBLE,

DEAR SIRS:

Having heard that you are in need of more assistance in your establishment (or store, office) I venture to ask you for employment. I can refer you to Messrs. Jones & Smith, my late employers, as to my qualifications, should you decide to consider my application.

Yours truly, JAMES ROBERTS.



LETTERS REGARDING THE CHARACTER OF A SERVANT.

DEAR MADAM: Sarah Riley, having applied to me for the position of cook, refers me to you for a character. I feel particularly anxious to obtain a good servant for the coming winter, and shall therefore feel obliged by your making me acquainted with any particulars referring to her character, and remain, madam,

Your very obedient servant, MRS. GEORGE STONE.

TO MRS. ALFRED STARK.

MRS. GEORGE STONE,

DEAR MADAM: It gives me pleasure to say that Sarah Riley lived with me for two years, and during that time I found her active, diligent and efficient. She is a superior cook, and I have full confidence in her honesty. I feel that I can recommend her with full confidence of her being likely to give you satisfaction. I am, madam,

Your very obedient servant, MRS. ALFRED STARK.



MRS. GEORGE STONE,

DEAR MADAM: In replying to your note of inquiry, I beg to inform you that Sarah Riley, who lived with me in the capacity of cook, left my services because I did not find her temper and habits in all respects satisfactory. She was thoroughly competent as a cook, but in other respects I cannot conscientiously recommend her. I remain,

Yours, very truly, MRS. ALFRED STARK.



NOTES, DRAFTS, BILLS AND RECEIPTS.

The following are forms of notes, drafts, receipts, etc.:

Promissory Note Without Interest.

$500. CINCINNATI, O., June 6, 1880.

Sixty days after date, I promise to pay Samuel Archover, or order, at my office in Cincinnati, five hundred dollars, value received.

TIMOTHY MORTGRAVE.



Promissory Note With Interest but not Negotiable.

$125.30. CHICAGO, Sept. 2, 1880.

For value received, I promise to pay Daniel Cartright one hundred and twenty-five dollars and thirty cents, on August 12th next, with interest at seven per cent. after January 1, 1881.

JOHN S. ALLBRIGHT.



A Negotiable Note Payable to Bearer.

$75. DETROIT, MICH., Oct. 8, 1881.

Thirty days after date, for value received, I promise to pay Silas G. Smithers, or bearer, at my office in Detroit, seventy-five dollars with interest from date.

SAMUEL Q. PETTIBONE.



Form of a Receipt.

$25. NEW YORK, Nov. 3, 1880.

Received from James O. Mitchell, twenty-five dollars, to apply on account.

SMITH, JONES & CO.



Form of a Draft, Time from Sight.

$1,000. DETROIT, MICH., July 7, 1880.

At ten days sight, pay to the order of J. Smith & Co., one thousand dollars, and charge the same to the account of SHEPARD & NILES

TO SAMUEL STOKER & CO., Indianapolis, Ind.



A Draft or Order "Without Grace."

$175. CINCINNATI, OHIO, Aug. 12, 1880.

At sight, without grace, pay to F. B. Dickerson & Co., one hundred and seventy-five dollars, and charge to the account of H.S. Morehouse.

TO TRADERS' NATIONAL BANK, Cincinnati, Ohio.



Form of a Bill.

BUFFALO, N.Y., Dec. 6, 1880. MARTIN HUGHES, Dr. TO JOHN J. HART.

Four volumes History of France, at $2.50 per volume, $10.00.

Received payment.







CHAPTER XXIII.

General Rules of Conduct.

In society, everybody should receive equal attention, the young as well as the old. A high authority says, "If we wish our young people to grow up self-possessed and at ease, we must early train them in those graces by giving them the same attention and consideration we do those of maturer years. If we snub them, and systematically neglect them, they will acquire an awkwardness and a deprecatory manner, which will be very difficult for them to overcome."

GRACEFULNESS OF CARRIAGE.

Physical education is indispensable to every well-bred man and woman. A gentleman should not only know how to fence, to box, to ride, to shoot and to swim, but he should also know how to carry himself gracefully, and how to dance, if he would enjoy life to the utmost. A graceful carriage can best be attained by the aid of a drilling master, as dancing and boxing are taught. A man should be able to defend himself from ruffians, if attacked, and also to defend women from their insults. Dancing and calisthenics are also essential for a lady, for the better the physical training, the more graceful and self-possessed she will be. Every lady should know how to dance, whether she intends to dance in society or not. Swimming, skating, archery, games of lawn-tennis, and croquet, riding and driving, all aid in strengthening the muscles and giving open air exercise, and are therefore desirable recreations for the young of both sexes.

ATTITUDE.

Awkwardness of attitude is a mark of vulgarity. Lolling, gesticulating, fidgeting, handling an eye-glass, a watch-chain or the like, gives an air of gaucherie. A lady who sits cross-legged or sidewise on her chair, who stretches out her feet, who has a habit of holding her chin, or twirling her ribbons or fingering her buttons; a man who lounges in his chair, nurses his leg, bites his nails, or caresses his foot crossed over on his knee, shows clearly a want of good home training. Each should be quiet and graceful, either in their sitting or standing position, the gentleman being allowed more freedom than the lady. He may sit cross-legged if he wishes, but should not sit with his knees far apart, nor with his foot on his knee. If an object is to be indicated, you must move the whole hand, or the head, but never point the finger.

COUGHING, SNEEZING, ETC.

Coughing, sneezing, clearing the throat, etc., if done at all, must be done as quickly as possible. Snuffing, hawking and expectorating must never be done in society. A sneeze can be checked by pressing the thumb or fingers firmly across the bridge of the nose. If not checked, the face should be buried in the handkerchief, during the act of sneezing, for obvious reasons.

ANECDOTES, PUNS AND REPARTEES.

Anecdotes should be seldom brought into a conversation. Puns are always regarded as vulgar. Repartee should be indulged in with moderation, and never kept up, as it degenerates into the vulgarity of an altercation.

A SWEET AND PURE BREATH.

The breath should be kept sweet and pure. Onions are the forbidden fruit, because of their offensiveness to the breath. No gentleman should go into the presence of ladies smelling of tobacco.

SMOKING.

It is neither respectful nor polite to smoke in the presence of ladies, even though they have given permission, nor should a gentleman smoke in a room which ladies are in the habit of frequenting. In those homes when the husband is permitted to smoke in any room of the house, the sons will follow the father's example, and the air of the rooms becomes like that of a public house.

SUPPRESSION OF EMOTION.

Suppression of undue emotion, whether of laughter, of anger, or of mortification, of disappointment, or of selfishness in any form, is a mark of good breeding.

A GOOD LISTENER.

To be a good listener is almost as great an art as to be a good talker; but it is not enough only to listen, you must endeavor to seem interested in the conversation of those who are talking. Only the low-bred allow their impatience to be manifest.

GIVE PRECEDENCE TO OTHERS.

Give precedence to those older or of higher social position than yourself, unless they required you to take the precedence, when it is better to obey than to refuse. Be more careful to give others their rank of precedence than to take your own.

BE MODERATE.

Always express your own opinions with modesty, and, if called upon, defend them, but without that warmth which may lead to hard feelings. Do not enter into argument. Having spoken your mind, and thus shown you are not cowardly in your beliefs and opinions, drop the subject and lead to some other topic. There is seldom any profit in idle discussion.

SINGING AND PLAYING IN SOCIETY.

A lady in company should never exhibit any anxiety to sing or play: but being requested to do so, if she intends to comply, she should do so at once, without waiting to be urged. If she refuses, she should do so in a manner that shall make her decision final. Having complied, she should not monopolize the evening with her performances, but make room for others.

RECEIVING AND MAKING PRESENTS.

Emerson says: "Our tokens of love are for the most part barbarous, cold and lifeless, because they do not represent our life. The only gift is a portion of thyself. Therefore let the farmer give his corn; the miner his gem; the sailor coral or shells; the painter his picture, and the poet his poem." To persons of refined nature, whatever the friend creates takes added value as part of themselves—part of their lives, as it were, having gone into it. People of the highest rank, abroad, will often accept, with gratitude, a bit of embroidery done by a friend, a poem inscribed to them by an author; a painting executed by some artist; who would not care for the most expensive bauble that was offered them. Mere costliness does not constitute the soul of a present; it is the kind feeling that it manifests which gives it its value. People who possess noble natures do not make gifts where they feel neither affection nor respect, but their gifts are bestowed out of the fullness of kind hearts.

A present should be acknowledged without delay, but you must not follow it quickly by a return. It is to be taken for granted that a gift is intended to afford pleasure to the recipient, not to be regarded as a question of investment or exchange. Never allude to a present you have given, unless you have reason to believe that it has not been received by the person to whom it was sent.

Unmarried ladies should not accept presents from gentlemen who are neither related nor engaged to them, nor indebted to them for some marked favors. A married lady may accept presents from a gentleman who is indebted to her for hospitality.

In presenting a book to a friend, do not write in it the name of the person to whom it is given. But this is a rule better honored in its breach than in its observance, when the giver of the book is its author.

Presents made by a married lady to a gentleman, should be in the name of both herself and her husband.

Never refuse a present if offered in kindness, unless the circumstances are such that you cannot, with propriety, receive it. Nor, in receiving a present, make such comments as would seem to indicate that your friend cannot afford to make the present. On the other hand, never make a present which you cannot afford to make. In that case the recipient, if he or she knows anything of your circumstances, will think that you had better kept it yourself.

GOVERNING OUR MOODS.

We should subdue our gloomy moods before we enter society. To look pleasantly and to speak kindly is a duty we owe to others. Neither should we afflict them with any dismal account of our health, state of mind or outward circumstances. Nevertheless, if another makes us the confidant of his woes, we should strive to appear sympathetic, and if possible help him to be stronger under them. A lady who shows by act, or expresses in plain, curt words, that the visit of another is unwelcome, may perhaps pride herself upon being no hypocrite. But she is, in reality, worse. She is grossly selfish. Courtesy requires her, for the time being, to forget her own feelings, and remember those of her visitor, and thus it is her duty to make that visitor happy while she remains.

A LADY DRIVING WITH A GENTLEMAN.

When a lady offers to drive a gentleman in her phaeton, he should walk to her house, if he accepts the invitation, unless, the distance being great, she should propose to call for him. In that case he will be on the watch, so as not to keep her waiting, and, if possible, meet her on the way.

AN INVITATION CANNOT BE RECALLED.

An invitation, once given, cannot be recalled, even from the best motives, without subjecting the one who recalls it to the charge of being either ignorant or regardless of all conventional rules of politeness. There is but one exception to this rule, and that is when the invitation has been delivered to the wrong person.

AVOID TALKING OF PERSONALITIES.

Avoid speaking of your birth, your travels and of all personal matters, to those who may misunderstand you, and consider it boasting. When induced to speak of them, do not dwell too long upon them, and do not speak boastfully.

ABOUT PERSONS' NAMES.

Do not speak of absent persons, who are not relatives or intimate friends, by their Christian names or surnames, but always as Mr. ——, or Mrs. ——, or Miss ——. Never name anyone by the first letter of his name, as "Mr. C." Give a foreigner his name in full when speaking of him.

SHUN GOSSIP AND TALE-BEARING.

Gossip and tale-bearing are always a personal confession either of malice or imbecility. The young of both sexes should not only shun these things, but, by the most thorough culture, relieve themselves from all temptation in that direction.

REMOVING THE HAT.

A gentleman never sits in the house with his hat on in the presence of ladies. Indeed, a gentleman instinctively removes his hat as soon as he enters a room, the habitual resort of ladies. A gentleman never retains his hat in a theatre or other place of public entertainment.

TREATMENT OF INFERIORS.

Never affect superiority. In the company of an inferior never let him feel his inferiority. If you invite an inferior as your guest, treat him with all the politeness and consideration you would show an equal.

INTRUDING ON PRIVACY.

Never enter a private room anywhere without knocking. Sacredly respect the private property of others, and let no curiosity tempt you to pry into letters, desks, packets, trunks, or other belongings of another. It is ill-mannered to read a written paper lying upon a table or desk; whatever it may be, it is certainly no business of yours. No person should ever look over the shoulder of another who is reading or writing. You must not question a servant or child upon family affairs. Never betray an implied confidence, even if you have not been bound to secrecy.

KEEPING ENGAGEMENTS.

Nothing is more rude than to make an engagement, be it of business or pleasure, and break it. If your memory is not sufficiently retentive to keep all the engagements you make, carry a little memorandum book, and enter them there.

VALUE OF POLITENESS.

Chesterfield says: "As learning, honor and virtue are absolutely necessary to gain you the esteem and admiration of mankind, politeness and good-breeding are equally necessary to make you welcome and agreeable in conversation and common life. Great talents, such as honor, virtue, learning and arts, are above the generality of the world, who neither possess them themselves, nor judge of them rightly in others; but all people are judges of the lesser talents, such as civility, affability, and an obliging, agreeable address and manner; because they feel the good effects of them, as making society easy and pleasing."

ADAPTING YOURSELF TO OTHERS.

Conform your conduct as far as possible to the company you chance to be with, only do not throw yourself into improper company. It is better even to laugh at and join in with vulgarity, so that it do not degenerate into indecency, than to set yourself up as better, and better-mannered than those with whom you may chance to be associated. True politeness and genuine good manners often not only permit but absolutely demand a temporary violation of the ordinary obligations of etiquette.

A WOMAN'S GOOD NAME.

Let no man speak a word against a woman at any time, or mention a woman's name in any company where it should not be spoken. "Civility," says Lord Chesterfield, "is particularly due to all women; and remember that no provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to every woman; and the greatest man would justly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours."

DO NOT CONTRADICT.

Never directly contradict anyone. Say, "I beg your pardon, but I think you are mistaken or misinformed," or some such similar phrase which shall break the weight of direct contradiction. Where the matter is unimportant it is better to let it pass without correction.

EXPRESSING UNFAVORABLE OPINIONS.

You should be exceedingly cautious about expressing an unfavorable opinion relative to a young lady to a young man who appears to be attracted by, and attentive to her. If they should marry, the remembrance of your observations will not be pleasurable to yourself nor the married parties.

A CONVERSATION CHECKED.

If a person checks himself in a conversation, you should not insist on hearing what he intended to say. There is some good reason for checking himself, and it might cause him unpleasant feelings to urge him to carry out his first intentions.

VULGARITIES.

Some of the acts which may be classed as vulgarities when committed in the presence of others are given:

To sit with your back to a person, without asking to be excused.

To stand or sit with the feet wide apart.

To hum, whistle or sing in suppressed tones.

To stand with the arms akimbo; to lounge or yawn, or to do anything which shows disrespect, selfishness or indifference.

To correct inaccuracies in the statements of others, or their modes of speech.

To use profane language, or stronger expression than the occasion justifies.

To chew tobacco and its unnecessary accompaniment, spitting, are vulgar in the extreme.

MISCELLANEOUS RULES.

A gentleman precedes a lady passing through a crowd; ladies precede gentlemen under ordinary circumstances.

Give your children, unless married, their Christian names only, or say "my daughter" or "my son," in speaking of them to any one except servants.

Ladies in escorting each other, never offer to take the arm.

Acknowledge an invitation to stop with a friend, or any unusual attention without delay.

Never boast of birth, money or friends, or of any superior advantages you may possess.

Never ridicule others, be the object of your ridicule present or absent.

Always show respect for the religious opinions and observances of others, no matter how much they may differ from your own.

You should never scratch your head, pick your teeth, clean your nails or pick your nose in company.

Never lean your head against the wall, as you may disgust your wife or hostess by soiling the paper of her room.

Never slam a door or stamp noisily on entering a room.

Always be punctual. You have no right to waste the time of others by making them wait for you.

Always hand a chair for a lady, pick up her glove and perform any little service she may seem to require.

Never attract attention to yourself by talking or laughing loudly in public gatherings.

Keep yourself quiet and composed under all circumstances. Do not get fidgety. If you feel that time drags heavily, do not let this be apparent to others by any visible sign of uneasiness.

Refrain from absent-mindedness in the presence of others. You pay them a poor compliment if you thus forget them.

Never refuse to accept an apology for an offense, and never hesitate to make one, if one is due from you.

Never answer another rudely or impatiently. Reply courteously, at whatever inconvenience to yourself.

Never intrude upon a business man or woman in business hours unless you wish to see them on business.

Never engage a person in private conversation in presence of others, nor make any mysterious allusions which no one else understands.

On entering a room, bow slightly as a general salutation, before speaking to each of the persons assembled.

Do not seem to notice by word or glance, the deformity of another.

To administer reproof to anyone in the presence of others is very impolite. To scold at any time is unwise.

Never undertake a commission for a friend and neglect to perform it.

Never play a practical joke upon anyone, or answer a serious remark by a flippant one.

Never lend a borrowed book, and never keep such a book a single day after you are done with it.

Never pass between two persons who are talking together; and never pass before persons when it is possible to pass behind them. When such an act is absolutely necessary, always apologize for so doing.

"Never speak of a man's virtues before his face, or his faults behind his back," is a maxim to be remembered.

Another maxim is, "In private watch your thoughts; in your family watch your temper; in society watch your tongue."

Never address a mere acquaintance by his or her Christian name. It is a presumption at which the acquaintance may take offense.

Haughtiness and contempt are among the habits to be avoided. The best way is to deal courteously with the rude as well as with the courteous.