When I came to this province, I found that the reputation which these people had gained, namely: that they practised virtue from inclination rather than from the authority of law—was well founded.

But as envy and ambition were entirely unknown to them,—the inducements to excel, and the will for great things were wanting.

They had no palaces, no courts, no fine buildings. They had no magistrates to administer law; no avarice to carry them to court. In fine, although without vices, they knew nothing of the arts,—of splendid virtues,—nor of any of the things which refine a people. They appeared to be rather an oak forest than a sensible and thoughtful nation.

I travelled next through the province Kiliak. The natives of this province are born with certain marks on their foreheads, which point out how long they will live. At first I imagined these people to be happy, as death could never overtake them unexpectedly, nor tear them away in the midst of their sins. But as each one knows on what day he shall die, it is usual to postpone repentance till the last hour. They only are really pious who begin to sing their death song.

I saw several move about the streets with drooping heads and miserable looks—the signs upon their foreheads proclaimed their speedy dissolution.

They counted their remaining hours and minutes upon their fingers, and regarded with horror the rapidity of time.

The Creator's wisdom and goodness to us in this respect became obvious to me in this land. I could no longer doubt that it is better for us to be ignorant of the future.

From Kiliak I sailed over a black sound to the kingdom of Askarak; there new wonders greeted me. While in Cabac, people are to be seen without heads, here, on the contrary, individuals come into the world with seven heads. These are great universal geniuses. In former times, they were worshiped with almost divine veneration, and were made senators, chief magistrates, &c. As they had as many plans and expedients as heads, they executed with zeal and rapidity many different things, and while the government was in their hands, there was nothing left unchanged.

But as they made several sets of ideas effective at once, it happened, very naturally, that these ideas came in contact with each other. At last, they mingled together so intricately, that the seven-headed geniuses could not discriminate in from out. The affairs of government became so disordered that centuries were required to restore them to the simplicity from which these all-knowing magistrates had brought them.

A law had been established, before I went there, by which all seven-headed people were excluded from important offices, and the administration of government was given to simple and ordinary persons, that is, persons with but one head.

The many-headed now occupy the same places as the headless of Cabac.

Beyond Askarak, and separated from it by extensive deserts, lays the Duchy of Bostanki. The Bostankins resemble the Potuans in their external form. Their internal construction is very singular. The heart is placed in the right leg; so that it may be literally said of them, that their hearts are in their breeches.

They are notorious for being the greatest cowards among all the inhabitants of Nazar.

Angry, from faintness and fatigue, I came to a tavern near the city gates. I could not abstain from growling at the landlord because he could not provide what I called for. The poor fellow fell on his knees before me, begged my pardon amid tears and groans, and held his right leg towards me that I might feel how his heart beat.

At this I laughed, and almost forgot to be angry. I wiped the tears from the poor sinner's eyes, and told him not to be afraid. He rose up, kissed my hand, and went out to prepare my food. Not long after, I heard lamentable cries and howls in the kitchen. I hastened thither, and to my great astonishment, saw the humble and trembling Monsieur poltroon engaged, very valiantly, in beating his wife and servant girls. When he perceived me he took to flight. I turned to the weeping wife and girls and demanded what could have excited such terrible anger in my lamb-like host. They stood for some time, silently, with their eyes fixed on the ground. At length, the wife replied in the following words: "You do not seem, dear stranger! to have much knowledge of human nature. The citizens of this place, who dare not look at an armed enemy, and, at the least noise, creep like mice into holes, hector in the kitchens, and tyrannize over us feeble women."

Thoroughly disgusted by the mean and cowardly spirit of this people, I hired a boat to go to Mikolak. On landing I missed my outer coat, which I recollected to have put in the boat at starting. After quarrelling a long time with the boatman, who denied all knowledge of it, I went to a magistrate, and related the whole matter to him. I asserted that I had at least a right to demand my own property, if I could not sue at law one with whom I had entrusted my goods.

The boatman still denied the theft, and required that I should be punished for wrongly accusing him. In this doubtful case, the court demanded witnesses. This demand I could not answer, but proposed that my opponent should take oath on his innocence.

At this proposal the judge smiled and said: "In this land, my friend, there is no weight in religious confirmation. The laws are our gods. Proof must, therefore, be given in a formal manner, by witnesses or written documents. Whoever cannot do this not only lose their case, but are subject to punishment for malicious accusation. Prove your case by witnesses, and you will get your own again." I lost my case, but from regard to the hospitality due to strangers, was not punished.

I had far more reason to pity this people than to regret my own loss. How weak is that society which relies for its safety on bare human laws. It is like a city built on a volcanic mountain! Little firmness has that political structure which rests not on the foundation of religion.

Leaving this atheistic land, I crossed a very high mountain to Bragmat, which lays in a dale at the foot of the mountain. The people of this city are juniper trees. The first that I met rushed towards me, and pressing with the weight of his body, felled me to the ground. When I demanded the reason of this rough salutation, he begged my pardon in the most polite and elegant expressions. A few minutes after, another struck me in the side with a hedge-pole, and likewise excused his carelessness in a pretty speech. I thought they must be blind, and gave to all I passed a very wide berth.

I was afterwards informed that some among them were possessed of a very sharp sight, so that they can behold objects far beyond the view of others, but they could not see what was directly before them. These sharp-sighted people are called Makkati, and are, most of them, adepts in astronomy and transcendental philosophy.

I passed through several other provinces, in which I found nothing worthy to be recorded in this history; and returned to Potu after an absence of two months.

I entered the city of Potu on the tenth day of the Ash month. The first thing I did was to deliver my journal to the king, who ordered it to be printed.

It must be observed that the art of printing, which both the Europeans and Chinese claim to have invented, has been well known in Nazar for ages. The Potuans were so much pleased with my book that they were never tired of reading it. Little trees carried it about the streets and cried: "Court-footman Skabba's Travels around the Globe."

Puffed up by my success, I now strove for higher things, and awaited, somewhat impatiently, an appointment to a great and respectable office. My expectations not being answered, I gave in a new petition, in which I eulogized my work and claimed a suitable reward for my uncommon merit.

The mild and beneficent king was moved by my prayers, and promised to keep me in gracious remembrance.

He kept his promise, but not to my liking, for his grace consisted only in making an addition to my stipend.

I had pointed my nose another way, but not daring to press the king with more petitions, I made my complaint to the great chancellor. This very sensible personage listened to me with his usual urbanity, and promised to serve me. At the same time he advised me to abandon my unreasonable desires, and take a more exact view of my weak judgment and general insignificance. "Nature," he said, "has been a step-mother to you; you want, altogether, the talents which clear the road to important offices. You must creep before you walk; and it is foolish to think of flying without wings." He acknowledged my merits: "But," he continued, "it is not such merits as yours that will give you admittance to State affairs. If all merit should give this right, then every painter and sculptor, this for his skill in carving, that for his knowledge of colors, might demand a seat at the council board. Merit ought to be rewarded, but the reward should be adapted to the object, that the State may not suffer."

This speech struck me, and had the effect to keep me very quiet for some time. But I could not endure the thought of growing grey in my base employment. I determined on the desperate attempt, which I had formerly considered, to improve the constitution, and thus, by a bold stroke, to advance my own and the country's welfare.

Shortly before my journey I had strictly examined the internal condition of the kingdom, to discover the least failing in its machinery, and the best means to remedy it.

In the province Kokleku I had learnt that the government waggles in which women have a part. For being by nature vain, they strive to extend their power in every conceivable direction, and stop not till they have procured for themselves perfect and unlimited dominion.

I concluded, therefore, to propose the exclusion of the fair sex from all public offices, and trusted to get a sufficiency of voices on my side by placing the case in its best light. It seemed an easy matter, to me, to convince the male sex of the dangers to which they were exposed, if they did not, in time, weaken this female power.

I executed this plan with all the art I was possessed of, supporting it with the most cogent reasons, and sent it to the king.

He, who had given me many proofs of his favor, was astonished at this miserable and impertinent project, as he graciously called it, and said, that it would fall out to my destruction.

But relying partly on my reasonings and partly on the support of the whole male population, I held obstinately to my plan. According to law, I was led to the market-place with a rope about my neck, to await the decision of the Council. When the counsellors had given their votes, the sentence was sent to be subscribed by the king, which being done, it was publicly read by a herald, as follows:

"On mature consideration we adjudge, that the proposal made by Sr: Skabba, first court-footman to his majesty, to exclude the second sex from public offices, cannot be accepted, without affecting the peace and order of the kingdom: since the women, who form the half of our population, would naturally be excited by this innovation, and thereby become hostile and troublesome to the government. Furthermore, we hold it to be unjust to deny, to trees of excellent qualities, admission to offices of which they have hitherto shown themselves to be worthy and especially it is incredible, that nature, which does nothing inconsiderately, should have idly endued them with superior and varied gifts. We believe the welfare of the kingdom requires that a regard should be had to fitness rather than to names, in the disposal of offices. As the land is not seldom in need of capable subjects, we pronounce a statute which should declare an entire half of the inhabitants, merely from birth, unworthy of and useless in affairs, to be deplorable.

"After grave deliberation we declare this to be justice: let the aforesaid Skabba, for his no less despicable than bold proposal, suffer the usual punishment in such cases."

The good king took my misfortune to heart, but did not seek to change the resolution of the Council. As a matter of form he signed the warrant for my execution. Yet with his characteristic mildness, and in consideration of my having been born and educated in a strange world, where a quick and reckless head is thought to be a blessing, he commuted my punishment to imprisonment till the beginning of the Birch month, when, with other animals, I should be banished to the firmament. When this sentence was published, I was sent to prison.



CHAPTER X.

THE VOYAGE TO THE FIRMAMENT.

Twice a year, some very large birds, called Kupakki or post birds, are wont to show themselves on the planet Nazar.

They come and go at certain regular periods, which has given rise to various opinions. Some think, that insects, of which great multitudes appear at the same periods, and which the birds are very fond of eating, entice them down to the planet. This is my own notion. The circumstance, that when these insects disappear, the birds return to the firmament, places the opinion almost beyond all doubt. It is the same instinct, which leads certain species of birds on our earth to migrate at regular periods.

Others believe, that these birds are trained like hawks and other birds of prey, to fetch booty from other lands. This conjecture is grounded upon the great care with which they lay down their burdens, when their flight is finished. This supposition is somewhat strengthened by the fact, that they become tame and gentle just before they begin their flight, suffering themselves to be thrown into nets, under which they lie immovable. Meanwhile they are fed with insects till the regular period arrives. Then a long box, just large enough to hold a tree or man, is fastened to a rope, which is again tied to the legs of the bird. On the banishment day, food is withheld from them, the nets are raised, and the kupakkis wing their way to the firmament.

Two citizens of Potu had been doomed to banishment with myself. One was a metaphysician, who had offended the law by making some sage remarks upon the nature of spirits; the other was a fanatic, who, by starting doubts concerning the holiness of religion and the uniting force of the civil law, was suspected to have designed the overthrow of both. This latter would not regulate himself by the public ordinances, because, he said, all civil obedience was inconsistent with his conscience. Thus three of us, namely, a project-maker, a metaphysician, and a fanatic, were, on the first day of the Birch month, shut up in boxes.

I never knew what became of my fellow-sufferers. As for myself, I was enclosed, with food sufficient for a few days. Shortly after, my kupakki, finding nothing to eat, started off with amazing speed.

It is generally believed, under ground, that the distance between the planet Nazar and the firmament is about four hundred miles. I had no means of determining how long my passage was, but conjectured it to be about twenty-four hours.

I heard nothing, during this time, but the heavy and monotonous flapping of the kupakki's wings. At last, there sounded in my ears a confounding noise, which announced that we could not be far from land.

I now observed that the bird had really been trained, for he set the box, with so much care on the ground, that I did not feel the slightest jar. The box was immediately opened, and I rose up in the midst of a great multitude of monkeys, who, to my astonishment, conversed together in an intelligent language rather than chattered, and walked to and fro, in measured and dignified paces. They were dressed in cloths of varied colors. A number of them advanced towards me with much politeness, and handed me from the box.

They seemed to be surprised at my figure, particularly when they discovered I had no tail. Their amazement was not at all lessened by the fact, that I resembled them (laying aside the tail) more nearly than did any stranger they had hitherto seen.

At the time of my arrival the water was very high, owing to the nearness of Nazar. This planet has the same effect upon the tides of the firmament, as our moon has upon those of the earth.

I was led to a very large building, ornamented in the richest style. The presence of a guard at the door convinced me that it was the residence of no common monkey. It was, as I afterwards learnt, the residence of the mayor of the monkeys.

A number of teachers were selected to instruct me in their language.

In three months I was enabled to speak with considerable readiness. Then I expected to procure for myself the admiration of all, for my prompt ingenuity and superior memory. But my teachers declared me to be sluggish and dull of apprehension, and in their impatience often threatened to abandon their charge. As, on the planet Nazar, I had been ironically named Skabba, or the untimely, for my quick perceptions, so here I was called Kakidoran, which signifies, idle and stupid. Those only are respected here, who can comprehend and express any thing instantaneously. I amused myself during the course of my studies by walking about the city, in which I met on all sides notable signs of splendor and luxury.

When I had finished my education, that is, when I could speak fluently, I was carried to the capital city Martinia, from which the whole country takes its name. The object of the mayor evidently was, to insinuate himself into the favor of a certain counsellor, by presenting to him a strange and unprecedented animal.

The government of Martinia is aristocratical. The state is administered by a great council, selected from the body of the old nobility.

Before proceeding to the house of the lord, to whom I was to be offered, the mayor led me to a hotel, where we could make ourselves presentable to his excellency. Several servants, called maskatti, or dressers, joined us for this purpose. One took the mayor's sword to burnish it; another tied different colored bands to his tail. I will here remark, that nothing lays nearer to a monkey's heart than the adornment of his tail.

When my conductor was polished, dressed and adorned, we departed for the president's palace, followed by three servants.

On coming to the entrance, the mayor loosed his shoes, that he might not soil the marble floor. After waiting for a long time, with not a little impatience, we were suffered to enter the reception hall. Here the president sat in a golden chair.

As soon as he saw us, the president burst out in a terrific laugh. I concluded either that he was seized by delirium, or that silly and insane laughter was a peculiarity of great people in Martinia. In short, I took his lordship to be a fool.

I afterwards expressed this opinion to the mayor; but he assured me that the president was a monkey of remarkable natural powers; that his mind was so comprehensive, that he not only determined matters of the highest importance at table, with his glass in hand, but even wrote or dictated a new statute between the courses.

His excellency tattled to me half an hour, his tongue wagging, the while, with an agility immeasurably superior to that of our European barbers.

Then turning to my companion, he said, he would take me among his subordinate attendants, since he perceived, from my sluggish disposition, that I must have been born in the land of stupidity, where

Long-eared mortals, in perpetual fogs, Oft lose their way to mire in horrid bogs:—

and consequently that I was unfit for any office of trust and respectability. "I have, indeed," urged the mayor, "observed a natural obtuseness in this man; nevertheless, when he is allowed time to think, he judges by no means badly."

"Of what use is that," replied the president; "here we need nimble officers, for the immense diversity of our affairs does not give us time to think."

The president, having spoken thus, very gravely, and carefully examined my body, and directed me to lift a heavy weight from the floor. Seeing that I did this with ease, he remarked: "Nature, although she has stinted you in the faculties of the soul, has compensated, in some measure, by granting to you a degree of bodily strength."

I now received orders to go out and wait in the court. Soon after the mayor followed, and as he passed, told me that his excellency had determined to include me in his train.

I concluded from his lordship's undervaluing opinion of me, that my situation could not be very elevated; still, I was curious to know my fate, and therefore asked the mayor if he knew what I was to be entrusted with. The mayor answered: "His excellency, with special grace, has appointed you for his chief porteur,[1] with a yearly pay of twenty-five stercolatus." (A stercolatu is about one dollar of our money.) "Furthermore, he will not require your services for any but himself and her grace, his lady." This answer was like a thunder-stroke to me; but I was sensible that it was useless to object.

I was carried to a chamber, where a supper of dried fruits was laid; after eating a little, my bed was pointed out to me.

I threw myself upon the bed, but my mind was so agitated, that I could not for a time close my eyes in sleep. The pride and contempt with which the monkeys regarded me, provoked me almost to rage. A more than Spartan patience was needed to listen with indifference to their sneers. At last I slumbered. How long I know not, for in the firmament there is no division of night and day. It is never dark, except at a certain period, when the planet Nazar comes between the firmament and the subterranean sun.

On awakening, I found at my side a mean looking monkey, who asserted that he was my colleague: He had brought with him a false tail, which he fixed upon me, and then tied to it some ribbons of various colors. He told me that in half an hour the president would be ready to set out for the Academy, and that I must prepare myself to begin my duties. The ceremony of promoting a doctor was to take place.

We bore the president to the Academy in a golden sedan, and were suffered to remain in the hall during the performance.

At the entrance of the president, all the doctors and masters of art rose and turned their tails towards him. To a dweller on the earth, such salutations would probably have appeared unseemly and ridiculous, as such a movement with us is expressive of indifference or dislike.

But every land has its own customs. I have seen so many strange ceremonies and varied usages, that I have come to observe, rather than laugh at them.

The act of promotion, on this occasion, was performed with the following ceremonies. The candidate was placed in the middle of the hall. Then three officers, each with a pail of cold water, approached him with measured steps. Each in turn dashed his bucket of water in the candidate's face. The sufferer is obliged to receive this bath without distorting his countenance, on pain of forfeiting his degree. Odorous oils were then sprinkled over him, and finally a powerful vomit was given to him. When this last dose had produced its usual effect upon the candidate, he was pronounced to be a lawfully graduated doctor.

I turned to a learned doctor, who stood near me, and humbly asked him the meaning of all I had seen.

First expressing his pity for my ignorance, the sneering pedant condescended to inform me, that the ceremony of the water was significant of the preparation for a new course of life and duty; the ointment, of elevation above the mass; and the vomit, of the extermination of prejudice and error.

I fancied, but I did not say so, that my dignified instructor in the mysteries needed a fresh vomit.

The Martinianic religion is not at all practical. There are two hundred and thirty speculations concerning the form and being of God, and three hundred and ninety-six of the nature and qualities of the soul. There are many churches and theological seminaries, but in neither is taught the way to live and die well. The people are all critics, who go to be amused by the art and delicacy of the holy teachers. The more obscure and involved the propositions of their preachers, the more are they praised. The Martinians are indifferent to every thing they can easily understand.

Martinia is the paradise of project-makers. The more inconsistent and useless a scheme, the surer is it of general approbation.

When I once spoke with an enthusiastic monkey, of the earth and its inhabitants, he fell upon the notion, to bore through to the surface, and make a convenient and easy way of communication.

He prepared a long and eloquently worded plan on this subject, which pleased and excited every body.

A company was formed, and named the "Subterranean Boring Company" its originator, Hiho Pop-coq, was made its president. The stock was seized on with avidity, and the project was not abandoned until a multitude of families had been ruined, and the public affairs brought into the greatest disorder; and even then the scheme was dropped, less from its supposed impracticability, than from the length of time required to accomplish it.

The author of it was not only left unpunished, but was overwhelmed with the general applause, for the originality and boldness of his attempt.

The Martinians are used to console themselves on such occasions, by repeating the following couplet:

"The project ended in defeat; The notion was, however, neat."

When I had thoroughly studied the character of this people, I determined to take advantage of their weaknesses, and by some outrageous proposal, to gain their respect, and thereby better my condition.

I revealed my intention to a shrewd old monkey, who encouraged me in these words:



Who would succeed in Martinianic land, Must quit the useful, to propose the grand; Hazard those deeds, that to the gallows pave, Thy fortune's made! Here's honor for the knave.

After due deliberation, my choice became fixed upon that ornament for the head, called wigs by us.

I had previously noticed that the land contained a multitude of goats; with the hair of these creatures I proposed to manufacture my wigs.

My step-father had been engaged in the trade, and as I had, with the inquisitiveness of youth, observed the process, I could bungle at it.

I made a goat's-hair wig for myself, and adorned with it, presented myself to the president.

This dignitary was astonished at the new and uncommon decoration. He seized it from my head, and placing it on his own, hastened in a very undignified manner to the mirror.

So enraptured was he at the sight of the pompous protuberance, that he shrieked out: "Divine art, how like a God am I!"—he sent immediately for her Grace to partake in his joy.

She was not less pleased than her lord. She embraced him, kissed him, and assured him that she had never seen him more handsome.

The president addressed himself to me with much less haughtiness than usual. "O Kakidoran!" he exclaimed, "if this discovery of yours pleases the Council as well as it does me, your fortune is made. You may hope for the most honorable reward the State can give."

I gracefully thanked his Excellency, and immediately wrote a petition, which I requested him to lay before the Council.

His Excellency took the petition together with the wig, and departed. I understood that all the cases which were to come before the Council on this day, had been laid aside, so inquisitive were all to hear and examine my project. The work was accepted, and an appropriate reward was adjudged to me. I was called up to the council-chamber on my entrance, an old monkey stood up, and, after thanking me in the name of the whole republic, proclaimed that my work should be rewarded as its merits deserved. He then demanded, what length of time I should need to fabricate another such head ornament? I replied, that it was reward enough for me, that my curious workmanship had gained the approbation of the great men who composed the Council; for the rest, I bound myself to make another wig in two days, and also to manufacture wigs enough for the whole city in a month, provided I might count upon the assistance of a number of monkeys, accustomed to work. This proposal, however, made the president hot about the ears, and he exclaimed with much eagerness: "It is not fit, my dear Kakidoran, that this ornament should be common to the whole town, for being worn by all without distinction, it will become ordinary and vulgar. The nobility must necessarily be distinguished from the common people."

All the members of the Council concurred in his opinion, and the city marshal was charged to take heed that none might wear wigs, except the nobility. This order having been promulgated, the citizens thronged about the council-chamber to obtain titles and charters, which some bought with their money and others procured through the influence of their friends; so that in a short time full half the city were made nobles. But when petition after petition poured in from the provinces, that the like favor should be extended to them, the Council, being possessed with a righteous fear of riot and civil war, finally determined to allow every one, without distinction of rank, to wear a wig. I thus had the pleasure to see the whole Martinianic nation wigged before I left that country. And, truly, it can scarcely be imagined what a funny and ridiculous appearance the wigged monkeys presented! The whole nation made so much of my project and its accomplishment, that a new era was established; and from this time the wig-age commenced in the Martinianic annals.

In the meantime, I was loaded with praises and panegyrics, wrapped in a purple cloak, and returned from the court-house in the president's own sedan, the same porteur, who had formerly been my companion, serving me now as a horse. From that day I dined continually at the table of his Excellency.

With this glittering preamble to my fortunes, I commenced in earnest the work I had promised, and soon finished wigs enough for the whole Council; and after sweating for a month—a patent of nobility was brought to me, couched in the following words:

"In consideration of the most excellent and very useful discovery, through which Kakidoran, born in Europe, has made himself worthy of the gratitude of the whole Martinianic nation, we have resolved to advance him to the rank of nobility, so that he, and all his descendants shall be regarded as true noblemen, and enjoy all the prerogatives and rights, of which the nobility of Martinia are in possession. Furthermore, we have determined to dignify him with a new name; he shall therefore from this day, be no longer called Kakidoran, but Kikidorian. Moreover, since his new dignity requires a richer style of living, we grant him a yearly pension of two hundred patarer. Given in the council-chamber of Martinia, the fourth day of the month Merian, under the great seal of the Council."

Thus I suddenly became changed from a simple porteur to a respectable nobleman, and lived for a long while in great splendor and honor. When it was known that I was high in the favor of the president, everybody sought my good will and protection. It is the fashion among the poets of Martinia to panegyrize the tails of eminent monkeys, as it is with us to eulogize the beauty of women. Several poets commended the beauty of my tail, although I had none. To say everything on this subject in a few words—their fawning servility towards me was so extreme, that a certain man of high rank and station, did not hesitate, nor did he feel himself shamed, to promise me that his wife should make herself agreeable to me in every possible way, provided that I would recompense him by recommending him to the president.

When I had lived in this land for the space of two years, at first a porteur and latterly a nobleman, an incident, entirely unexpected, occurred, which was nearly fatal to me. I had, up to this period, been in special favor with his Excellency; and her Grace, the president's lady, had evinced so much kindness to me, that I was regarded the first among all her favorites. She was distinguished for her virtue; but, when in the lapse of time, I perceived one after another ambiguity in her expressions, I began to feel a kind of mistrust, especially when I observed that

Sometimes she'd smile with wanton grace, Then unto sudden tears give place, While gazing, silent, on my face With mild devotion. Her's all the art of tenderness, That pleases while it wounds no less: Her breasts, half-covered, now confess Their strange emotion. Then sighs that can no reason find, Or used to make my reason blind:— Her hands upon her breast entwined— Ah, female charms! Her face would lose its rosy hue For lily's, washed in morning dew; Aurora's purple blazed anew, In love's alarms.

My suspicions finally became certainties, when a chambermaid brought to me, one day, the following note:

"DEAREST KIKIDORIAN,—

"The feeling which I owe to my rank and high descent, and the modesty natural to my sex, have until now hindered the sparks of love which have long secretly burned in my bosom, from breaking forth in open flame: but I am weary of the combat, and my heart can no longer resist its bewitching enemy. Have pity for a female, from whom only the utmost degree of burning love could have been able to extort a confession.

PTARNNSA."

I cannot describe how singularly I felt at this entirely unexpected declaration of love: but as I held it far better to expose myself to the revenge of a furious female, than to sin against the order of nature, by a shameful intimacy with a creature that did not belong to my race, I immediately wrote an answer in the following words:

"GRACIOUS LADY,—

"The constant favor his Excellency, your husband, has shown to me; the undeserved benefits he has bestowed upon me; the moral impossibility of fulfilling your gracious desires; and many other reasons, that I will not name, move me to submit to the anger of my gracious lady, rather than consent to an action that would stigmatize me as the most ungrateful and the lowest among all two-legged creatures. Besides, what is desired of me, would be more bitter to satisfy than death itself. This action, if I yielded to it, would effect the ruin and dishonor of one of the most respected families in the State, and my willingness would injure, before all others, that person who has desired it. With the most solemn and sincere assurances of gratitude I must here declare, gracious lady, that under no circumstances can I fulfil your wishes in this respect, although to all other commands I promise a blind obedience.

KIKIDORIAN."

Underneath I wrote the following admonition:

"Think of this heavy sin; Fly ere it be too late: Shall vice, the pander, newly in, Bow virtue to the gate? Let Cupid not ensnare you— His cunning wiles beware you, The sweets of sin soon vanish— Its pains, ah! who can banish."

This letter I sent to the lady, and it had the effect that I expected; her love was changed to the bitterest hatred:—

In vain her glowing tongue would vie, To tell her frightful agony. Despairing shame her accents clip;— They freeze upon her snowy lip. No tears did flow; such pain oft dries The blessed current of the eyes: Fell vengeance from her black orbs glanced, While like a fury, she advanced.

Nevertheless, she restrained her fury, until she recovered the love-letter she had written to me. As soon as she had secured it, she hired some persons to testify by oath, that, in the absence of his Excellency, I had attempted to violate her. This fable was represented with so much art and speciousness, that the president did not doubt its truth, and I was ordered to be put in prison. In this, my despairing condition, I saw no other means of deliverance than to confess the crime, with which I had been charged, and supplicate the president for mercy: which being done, my life was conceded, but I was doomed to perpetual imprisonment. My charter of nobility was immediately taken from me, and I was sent to the galleys as a slave. My destination was to one of the ships belonging to the republic, which then lay ready to sail for Mezendares, or the Land-of-wonders. Thence were brought the wares that Martinia cannot produce. This ship, on board of which my evil fortune had now cast me, was propelled both by sails and oars; at each oar two slaves were chained: consequently I was attached to another unfortunate. I was consoled, however, by the prospect of a voyage, during which I hoped to find new food and nourishment for my insatiable inquisitiveness, although I did not believe all that the seamen told of the curious things I should see. Several interpreters accompanied us; these being made use of by the Mezendaric merchants in the course of their commercial negotiations.



CHAPTER XI.

THE VOYAGE TO THE LAND-OF-WONDERS.

Before I proceed to the description of this sea-voyage, I must first caution all severe and unmerciful critics not to frown too much at the narration of things, which seem to war against nature, and even surpass the faculties of faith in the most credulous man. I relate incredible but true things, that I have seen with my own eyes. Raw and ignorant ninnies who have never started a foot from their homes, regard every thing as fable, whose equal they have never heard of or seen; or, with which they have not been familiar from childhood. Learned people, on the contrary, especially those who have a deep knowledge of natural history, and whose experience has proved to them how fruitful nature is in changes, will pass a more reasonable sentence upon the uncommon things narrated.

In former days a people were found in Scythia, called Arimasps, who had but one eye, which was placed in the middle of the forehead: another people, under the same climate, had their foot-soles turned out backwards, and in Albany were people born with gray hairs. The ancient Sanromates ate only on every third day and fasted the other two; in Africa were certain families who could bewitch others by their talk; and it is a well known fact, that there were certain persons in Illyria, with two eye-balls to each eye, who killed people by merely looking at them: this, however, they could do, only when they were angry; then their fierce and scintillating stare was fatal to whomever was rash or unfortunate enough to meet it: on the mountains of Hindostan were to be found whole nations with dog's heads, who barked; and others who had eyes in their backs. Who would believe this and even more, if Pliny, one of the most earnest writers, had not solemnly assured us, that he had neither heard nor read the least hereof, but had seen it all with his own eyes? Yes, who would have imagined that this earth was hollow; that within its circumference were both a sun and moon, if my own experience had not discovered the secret? Who would have thought it possible, that there was a globe, inhabited by walking, sensible trees, if the same experience had not placed it beyond all doubt? Nevertheless, I will not pick a quarrel with any one, on account of his incredulity in this matter, because I must confess, that I myself, before I made this voyage, mistrusted whether these tales might not have arisen from the exaggerated representations of seamen, or that they were the result of that well-known qualification of this class of men, familiarly styled the "spinning a yarn."

In the beginning of the month Radir, we went on board our ship, weighed anchor, and

The wind in swelling sails embraced the bending masts, And, like an arrow in the air, with lightning speed, The keel shrieked through the foaming billows.

The wind was fair for some days, during which we poor rowers had a comfortable time, for the oars were not needed; but on the fourth day it fell calm;

The sails did fall: in haste the seats were fixed; With plashing stroke, the oars smote heaven in the waters.

For a long time we met with nothing; but as soon as we lost sight of land, strange figures raised themselves from the quaking gulph. They were mermaids, who, when the weather becomes calm and the billows rest themselves, rise to the surface and swim towards any passing ship, to ask for alms. Their language was so similar to the Martinianic, that some of our sailors could speak with them without an interpreter. One of these singular creatures demanded of me a piece of meat; when I gave it to her, she looked at me steadily for a time, and said: you will soon become a hero, and rule over mighty nations! I laughed at this divination, for I considered it empty flattery, although the sailors swore to it, that the mermaids' prediction seldom failed. At the end of eight days we came in sight of land; which the seamen called Picardania. As we entered the harbor, a magpie came flying towards us, which, they said, was the custom-house inspector-general. When this dignitary had flown thrice around the ship, he returned to the shore and came back with three other magpies: these seated themselves on the prow of the ship. I came very near bursting with laughter, when I saw one of our interpreters approach these magpies, with many compliments, and heard him hold a long conversation with them. They had come for the purpose of examining our freight and detecting any forbidden articles that we might have concealed; when all was found correct, we were suffered to unload. As soon as this was done, a number of magpies flew to the ship, who proved to be merchants. The captain then went ashore, accompanied by myself and two monkeys, namely, our supercargo and an interpreter; after clearing the ship and disposing of the cargo, we returned, and shortly set sail.

In three days we reached Music-land. After casting anchor, we went on shore, preceded by one of the interpreters, who carried a bass-viol in his hand. As we found the whole country about us empty and desolate, discovering no where any trace of living creatures, the captain ordered a trumpet to be sounded, to inform the inhabitants of our arrival. Before the echoes of the blast from the trumpet had subsided, (and they seemed to penetrate farther and reverberate longer than usual from the perfect stillness of this apparently void region,) about thirty musical instruments came hopping towards us. These were bass-viols. On the very long neck of each was placed a little head; the body was also small, and covered by a smooth bark, which, however, did not close entirely around the frame, but was open in front and disposed loosely about them. Over the navel, nature had built a bridge, above which four strings were drawn. The whole machine rested on a single leg, so that their motion was a spring rather than a walk. Their activity was very great, and they jumped with much agility over the fields. In short, we should have taken them for musical instruments, as their general appearance purported, if they had not had each two arms and hands. In the one hand was a bow, the other was used upon the frets. When our interpreter would converse with them, he put his viol in its position, and commenced playing an air. They immediately answered him by touching their strings, and thus alternating with each other, a regular musical conversation was carried on. At first they played only Adagio, with much harmony; then they passed over to discordant tunes; and finally concluded with a very pleasant and lively Presto. As soon as our people heard this, they leaped and sung for joy, saying, that the bargain for the wares was now fixed. Afterwards I learnt that the Adagio, they first played, was merely an opening or preface to the conversation, and consisted only of compliments; that the discordant tones which followed, were bickerings and disputes about prices; and, finally, that the sweet sounding Presto indicated that an agreement had been made. At the conclusion of these negotiations, the wares stipulated for were landed. The most important of these is Kolofonium, with which the inhabitants rub their bows or organs of speech.

Late in the month of Cusan, we set sail from Music-land, and after some days sailing hove in sight of a new land, which, on account of the foul smell that reached our noses at a great distance, our seamen supposed to be Pyglossia.

The inhabitants of this land are not very unlike the human race in their general appearance; the sole difference being, that these people have no mouth: they speak from the face which turns towards the south when the nose points to the north. The first of them who came on board, was a rich merchant. He saluted us after the custom of his nation, by turning his back towards us, and immediately began to bargain with us for our wares. I kept myself considerably remote during the negotiation, as neither the sound nor the smell of his speech pleased me. To my great horror our barber was taken sick at this time, so that I was obliged to summon a Pyglossian perfume. As the barbers here are quite as talkative as among us, this one, while shaving me, filled the cabin with so disagreeable a smell, that, on his departure, we were obliged to smoke with all the incense we had on board.

We sailed hence to Iceland. This land consisted of desolate rocks, covered by eternal snows. The inhabitants who are all of ice, live here and there in the clefts of the rocks on the tops of the mountains, where the sun is never seen, enveloped by almost perpetual darkness and frost. The only light they have comes from the shining rime.

These lands, of which I here have given a view, are all subject to the great emperor of Mezendora proper, and are therefore called by seafaring people the Mezendoric islands. This great and wonderful country, namely, Mezendora, is the goal of all extended voyages. Eight days sail from Iceland brought us to the imperial residence. There we found all that realized, which our poets have fancied of the societies of animals, trees and plants; Mezendora being, so to speak, the common father-land of all sensible animals and plants. In this empire each animal and every tree can obtain citizenship, merely by submitting to the government and laws. One would suppose, that, on account of the mixture of so many different creatures, great confusion would prevail among them: but this is far from the case. On the contrary, this very difference produces the most happy effects; which must be attributed to their wise laws and institutions, decreeing to each subject that office and employment to which his nature and special faculties are best fitted. Thus, the lion, in consideration of his natural magnanimity, is always chosen regent. The elephant, on account of his keen judgment, is called to sit in the State-council. Courtiers are made of chameleons, because they are inconstant and know how to temporize. The army consists of bears, tigers and other valorous animals; in the marine service, on the contrary, are oxen and bulls; seamen being generally hardy and brave people; but severe, inflexible, and not particularly delicate in their living, which corresponds very well with their element. There is a seminary for this class, where calves or sea-cadets are educated for sea-officers. Trees, for their natural discretion and gravity, are usually appointed judges: counsellors are geese; and the lawyers of the courts in ordinary are magpies. Foxes are generally selected as ambassadors, consuls, commercial-agents, and secretaries-of-legation. The ravens are chosen for dealing-masters and executors on the effects of those deceased. The buck-goats are philosophers, and especially grammarians, partly for the sake of their horns, which they use on the slightest occasion, to gore their opponents, and partly in consideration of their reverend beards, which so notably distinguish them from all other creatures. The staid yet energetic horse has the suffrage for the mayoralty and other civil dignitaries. Estate owners and peasants are serpents, moles, rats and mice. The ass, on account of his braying voice, is always the leader of the church-choir. Treasurers, cashiers and inspectors are commonly wolves; their clerks, being hawks. The (roosters) cocks are appointed for watchmen, and the dogs house-porters.

The first who came on board of us, was a lean wolf or inspector, the same as a custom-house-officer in Europe, followed by four hawks, his clerks. These took from our wares what pleased them best, proving to us thereby that they understood their business perfectly, and had all its appropriate tricks at their fingers' ends. The captain took me ashore with him. As soon as we had set foot on the quay, a cock came towards us, demanded whence we were, the nature of our cargo, and announced us to the inspector-general. This latter received us with much courtesy, and invited us to dine with him. The mistress of the house, whom I had heard to be one of the greatest beauties among the female wolves, was not present at the table: the reason of this was, as we afterwards learned, her husband's jealousy, who did not deem it advisable to allow such a handsome wife to be seen by strangers. There were, however, several ladies at table; among others, a certain commodore's wife, a white cow with black spots: next to her sat a black cat, wife to the master of hunt at court, newly arrived from the country. At my side was placed a speckled sow, the lady of a renovation-inspector: that species of officer-ship being generally taken from the hog-race. It must be observed that the inhabitants of the Mezendoric empire, although they are animals in figure, have hands and fingers on the fore feet.

After dinner the speckled sow entered into conversation with our interpreter, during which she told him that she was overhead and ears in love with me. He comforted her in the best manner he could, and promised her his support and aid; then he turned himself towards me and endeavored to persuade me to be easy; but when he observed that his flattering and arguments were vain, he advised me to take to flight, as he knew that this lady would move heaven and earth to satisfy her desires. From this time I remained constantly on board; but the ship itself was not a fortification sufficiently secure from the attacks of this lady, who by messengers and love-letters strove to melt the ice that surrounded my heart. Had I not, in the shipwreck I afterwards suffered, lost my papers, I should now give some specimens of the swine's poetry. I have forgotten it all, except the following lines, in which she praises her being thus:

O thou! for whom my too fond soul most ardently doth thirst, For whom my earliest passion, in retirement I have nursed: Think not my figure homely, though it be endued in bristles,— What beauty hath the leafless tree, through which the cold wind whistles? How unadorned the noble horse, when of his beauteous mane he's shorn! O! who would love a purring cat, all in her furlessness forlorn. Ah, look around my darling pig! look on all living things, From the huge unwieldy mammoth to the smallest bird that sings;— Were these not shagged or feathered all, how loudly should we jeer;— Who would warmly strive to please e'en man, were man without a beard?

After our truck was finished and a rich freight stowed away, we sailed for home. We had scarcely got into the open sea when it suddenly became calm, but soon after the wind breezed up. Having sailed awhile with a good wind, we saw again some mermaids, who

—dripping wet Shot forth, and dived between the foaming waves,

and now and then emitted horrible shrieks. The sailors were much terrified at this, for they knew by experience, that these mournful sounds were presages of storm and wreck. They had scarcely taken in the sails, before the whole heavens became veiled in black clouds:

Day sinks in night: all nature shudders. Then, in an instant, loose from every point The storm, in frightful gusts and devilish uproar Breaks; the axis of the globe grates fearful,— And thunders, clap on clap, resound the concave: The waves, din-maddened, tower to mountains. Wildly, gone her helm, the half-crushed craft Tumbles ungovernable. Now despairing shrieks Mingling with ocean's roar and crash of heaven, Rise from the peopled deck: 'tis finished!

Every movable thing on deck floated off, for besides the ever-rolling billows, an immense rain fell in terrific water-spouts, accompanied by thunder and lightning. It seemed as though all the elements had conspired for our destruction. During the rolling of the ship, our masts were carried away, and then all hope of salvation was gone. Now and then a huge billow rolled over us, and carried with it one or two men far beyond the ship. The storm raged more and more; no one cared longer for the vessel: without helm, without masts, without captain and mates, who had been washed overboard, the wreck lay at the pleasure of the waves. Having floated thus for three days, a bauble for the storm, we finally descried a mountainous land in the distance. While rejoicing in the hope of soon reaching this haven, our vessel struck so hard against a blind rock, that she was instantly dashed in pieces. In the confusion and terror of the moment I got hold of a plank, and, careless for the rest, thought only upon saving myself, so that even now I know nothing of the fate of my companions. I was quickly driven forth by the billows; and this was fortunate for me, for otherwise I should have been crushed among the timbers of the ship or torn in pieces by the jagged rocks upon which we had been cast, or escaping this should eventually have perished from hunger and fatigue. I was wafted by the waves within a cape, where the sea was calmer, and where the roaring of the excited ocean sounded less frightfully. When I saw that I was near the shore, I began to scream vigorously, hoping to call the inhabitants to my assistance. I soon heard a sound on the seashore, and saw some of the natives come from a wood near by; they got into a yawl and sailed towards me; this boat being curiously fashioned of ozier and oak-branches twisted together, I concluded that this people must be very wild and uncultivated. I was heartily glad, when I found them to be men, for they were the first human beings I had met during the whole voyage. They are very like the inhabitants of our globe, who live in hot climates; their beards are black and their hair curled; the few among them who have long and light hair, are considered monsters. The land which they inhabit is very rocky: from the curved ridges of the rocks and the connecting tops of the mountains, which cut the air in multiplied sinuosities, every sound reverberates in echo upon echo from the dales below. The people in the yawl approached the plank upon which I floated, drew me from it, carried me to the shore, and gave me to eat and drink. Although the food did not taste very good, yet as I had fasted for three days, it refreshed me very much, and in a short time I regained my former strength.



CHAPTER XII.

THE AUTHOR'S ARRIVAL IN QUAMA.

Meanwhile a large multitude of people collected around me from all parts. They requested me to speak; but as I did not understand their language I could not answer them. They repeated often the word Dank, Dank, and supposing them to be Germans, I addressed them in this language, then in Danish, and finally in Latin; but they signified to me, by shaking their heads, that these languages were unknown to them. I tried at last to declare myself in the subterranean tongues, namely, in Nazaric and Martinianic; but it was in vain.

After having addressed each other, thus incomprehensibly for a long time, I was carried to a small hut, formed of wickers intricately twisted. In this hut were neither chairs nor tables; these people seat themselves on the ground to eat; instead of beds they spread straw on the earthy floor, upon which they throw themselves indiscriminately at night. Their food is milk, cheese, barley-bread and meat, which they rudely broil on the coals; for they do not understand cooking. Thus I lived with them, like a dog, until I learned so much of their language, that I could speak with them and assist them a little in their ignorance. The simplest rules of living that I prepared for them were considered as divine commands. My fame soon spread abroad, and all the villages around sent forth crowds to a teacher, who, they believed, had been sent to them from heaven. I heard even, that some had commenced a new chronology from the date of my arrival. All this pleased me only so much the more, as formerly in Nazar I had been abused for my imprudence and wavering judgment, and in Martinia despised and commiserated for my ignorance. True, indeed, is the old proverb; that among the blind the one-eyed rules. I had now come to a land, where with little understanding, I could raise myself to the highest dignities. There were here the best opportunities to employ my talents, since this fruitful land produced in abundance whatever subserved for pleasure and luxury as well as usefulness and comfort. The inhabitants were not indocile nor were they wanting in conception; but since they had been blessed with no light without themselves, they groped in the thickest darkness. When I told them of my birth, my native land, of the shipwreck I had suffered, and of other occurrences in my voyages, not one would credit me. They thought rather that I was an inhabitant of the sun, and had come down to enlighten them, wherefore they called me Pikil-Su, that is the sun's ambassador. For their religion, they believed in and acknowledged a God, but cared not at all to prove his existence. They thought it enough for them that their forefathers had believed the same; and this blind submission to time-honored formulae was their simple and sole theology. Of the moral law, they were ignorant of all commandments save this: Do not unto others that which you would not have others do unto you. They had no laws; the will of the emperor was their only rule. Of chronology they had but a slight conception; their years were determined by the eclipses of the sun by Nazar's intervention. Were one asked his age, he would answer: that he had attained so many eclipses. Their knowledge of natural science too, was very unsatisfactory and unreasonable; they believed the sun to be a plate of gold, and the planet Nazar, a cheese. Their property consisted in hogs, which, after marking, they drove into the woods: the wealth of each was determined by the number of his swine.

I applied myself, with all the fervor imaginable, to refine and enlighten this rude, yet promising people, so that shortly I came to be regarded among them as a saint; their trust in my wisdom was so great, that they thought nothing impossible with me. Therefore, when overtaken by misfortune, they would hasten to my hut and pray for my assistance. Once I found a peasant on his knees before my door, weeping, and bitterly complaining over the unfruitfulness of his trees, and beseeching me to use my authority, that his trees should bear fruit to him abundantly, as of old.

I had heard that this whole country was governed by a Regent, whose residence, or palace, at that time, was about eight days' travel from the town where I lived. I say at that time, because the court dwelt, not in substantial, fixed houses, but in tents; and the residence was moved at pleasure from one province to another. The ruler at that period was an old man, named Casba, which signifies, the great emperor. In consideration of its many large provinces, this country was indeed a great empire; but, from the ignorance of the inhabitants, who made little use of their many natural advantages, and also from the absence of that unanimity among the provinces, which would have dignified and strengthened their counsels, and subserved for their mutual protection, they were exposed to the attacks and mockeries of their more vigorous neighbors, and not unfrequently obliged to pay tribute to nations much inferior to themselves.

The report of my name and power was spread in a short time even to the remotest provinces. Nothing could be done without consulting me, as an oracle, and when any undertaking miscarried, its failure was ascribed to my indifference or indignation; wherefore, oblations were frequently made to assuage my anger. Finally the rumor was carried to the ears of the old emperor, that a great man had come into his dominions, in a strange dress, who gave himself out as ambassador of the sun, and had proved himself more than man, by bestowing to the Quamites (thus the inhabitants were called, after the name of the land, Quama,) wise and almost divine rules of life. He therefore sent ambassadors, with orders to invite me to the imperial residence. These were thirty in number, all clothed in tiger-skins, this dress being considered in Quama the greatest of ornaments, since none were permitted to wear it, but those who had distinguished themselves in war against the Tanaquites, a nation of sensible tigers, and the mortal enemies of the Quamites.

I had built, in the town where I dwelt, a walled house, after the European style. At the sight of it, the imperial ambassadors were astonished, and exclaimed that it was a work beyond human powers; they entered it, as a sanctuary, with devout reverence, and there proclaimed to me the emperor's invitation in the following speech: "Since the great emperor, our most gracious lord, reckons his genealogy through manifold generations, from Spunko, the sun's son, the primary regent of Quama, nothing could surprise him more agreeably than this embassy; wherefore his majesty joyfully greets the ambassador of the sun, and humbly invites him to the capital city of the empire." I answered by expressing my most humble thanks for the emperor's condescension, and immediately repaired, with the ambassadors, to the capital. These lords had been fourteen days on their journey to me, but assisted by my genius, the return occupied only four days.

I had observed, during my residence in this country, that there were vast numbers of horses running wild in the woods, and hence rather burthensome than useful to the inhabitants. I showed to the people how beneficial these animals might be made to them, and taught them how to tame these noble creatures. At my suggestion and by my direction, a number of them were caught and broken in, and thus I was enabled to mount the ambassadors, and materially shorten the period of our journey.

No idea can be formed of the wonder and astonishment with which the Quamites witnessed our entry into the city; some were so frightened that they ran far into the country. The emperor himself dared not, in his fear, come out from his tent, nor would he stir, until one of the ambassadors, dismounting his horse, went in and explained the whole secret to him. Shortly I was, with a great retinue, led into the imperial tent. The old emperor was seated on a carpet surrounded by his courtiers. On my entrance, I acknowledged, in the most polite terms, the exceeding grace his imperial majesty had shown me; thereupon the emperor arose and asked me what the king of the sun, and father of his family proposed to do. Conceiving it politic, and even necessary not to undeceive the Quamites in the opinion they themselves first entertained, I answered: that his majesty, the king of the sun, had sent me down to this land to refine, by good laws and salutary rules of life, the uncultivated manners of the Quamites, and teach them the arts, through which they might not only resist and repel their valiant and energetic neighbors, but even extend the boundaries of their own empire; and added, that I had been ordered to remain with them forever. The emperor listened to this speech with much apparent pleasure, ordered a tent to be immediately raised for me near his own, gave me fifteen servants, and treated me less as a subject than as an intimate friend.



CHAPTER XIII.

THE BEGINNING OF THE FIFTH MONARCHY.

From this time all my exertions were directed to the accomplishment of a radical reform throughout the country. I commenced by improving their mode of warfare, in exercising the young men in riding, fencing and shooting. My constant labor was rewarded so well that, in a short time, I exhibited before the emperor six thousand horsemen.

At this period the Tanaquites were preparing for a new attack upon the Quamites, on account of the refusal of this latter people to pay a yearly tribute which had been several times demanded and as often denied. I went, at the emperor's desire, with my cavalry and some footmen to meet the invaders. To the infantry I gave javelins and arrows, that they might fight their enemies at a distance; for the Quamites had formerly used only short swords or poignards, and consequently were obliged to meet in close combat their frightful foes, the Tanaquites, who excelling them greatly in personal strength, had great advantage over them. Hearing that the enemy were approaching the boundary, as commander-in-chief, I repaired instantly towards them. On meeting the invaders I caused the footmen to attack them with their javelins; this put them into panic and flight, and determined the fate of the day. The enemy suffered a terrible defeat and the Tanaquitic leader, with twenty other noble tigers, were taken prisoners alive and carried in triumph to Quama. It is not possible to describe the general and tumultuous joy that filled the whole country for this glorious victory; because in former wars the Quamites had generally been obliged to lay down their arms. The emperor commanded the prisoners to be immediately executed, according to old custom; but considering this a horrible custom, I persuaded him to respite them, and put them in prison for further deliberation.

I had observed that this land was very rich in saltpetre, and had collected a considerable quantity for the purpose of making powder. This intention I had kept secret, however, from all except the emperor, whose permission I needed to establish manufactories for rifles and other guns. With the aid of these I hoped in a short time to subdue all the enemies of the empire. When I had finished some hundred rifles and prepared balls suitable for them, I made a trial of my project to the astonishment of all. A certain number of soldiers were selected to learn this military art, and were exercised in the management of the guns. When this body of soldiers had become accustomed to the use of these new engines of war, and could employ them effectively, a review was held, after which the emperor proclaimed me Jakal, that is, generalissimo over the whole army. While all these matters were pending, I had entered into an intimate friendship with the brave leader of the Tanaquites, the imprisoned Tomopoloko, with whom I held frequent and interesting conversations, with the object of learning the constitution, character, and customs of his nation. I could not but observe, to my great astonishment, that they were a witty, moral and enlightened people, and that the sciences were earnestly and effectively cultivated by them. The chief told me, that towards the east were a valorous people, against whose attacks, the Tanaquites were obliged to keep themselves always prepared. The inhabitants of that country, he added, were small, and in reality much inferior in bodily strength to those of Tanaquis; but being of superior acuteness and agility, and excellent bowmen, they had in fact, often forced the Tanaquites to sue for peace.

I soon came to know, that this formidable nation consisted of cats; and that they had distinguished themselves among all the nations under the firmament, for their rational judgment and political acumen. It provoked and pained me not a little, that skilfulness, the sciences, and polite manners, should be universally among the animals of the subterranean world, while only real human beings, namely, the Quamites were sunk to the profoundest depths of uncultivated barbarism. I consoled myself, however, in the hope that, through my endeavors, this shame would soon cease, and the Quamites would recover that dominion, which belonged to them as men over all other animals.

Since their last defeat, the Tanaquites kept very quiet for a long time; but when they found out the nature and condition of our cavalry; when they discovered that those centaurs, who had frightened them so terribly at first, were nothing in reality, but tamed horses with men seated upon them, they took courage and armed new troops against the Quamites, under the command of their king. Their whole army consisted of twenty thousand tigers, all veteran soldiers, heroes of many hard fought fields, except two regiments of new recruits; these hastily collected warriors were, however, more formidable in name and numbers than in service. Already sure of victory, they fell at once upon Quama. I immediately ordered against them twelve thousand infantry, among whom were six hundred musketeers, and four thousand horsemen. As I had not the slightest doubt of a fortunate termination to this expedition, I requested the emperor to take command of it, and thus reap the honor of the victory. By this appearance of modesty, I lost no respect, for the whole army still considered me the true leader. I first directed my cavalry against the enemy, but these were resisted with so much vigor, that the side of victory was for a long time doubtful: at the critical moment, when triumph was vacillating between the two powers, I detached my musketeers from the main body and advanced upon the foe. The Tanaquites were much astonished at the first shots, for they could not conceive whence came the thunder and lightning; but when they saw the mournful effects of our continued volleys, they became terrified; at the first discharge fell about two hundred tigers, among which were two chaplains, who were shot down while encouraging the soldiers to bravery. When I observed the panic among the enemy, I commanded a second discharge, whose results were more fatal than the former; their king himself was shot: then the Tanaquites took to flight; our cavalry followed them, and cut down so many of the flying multitude, that those in the rear could not proceed from the huge piles of slain that covered the way. When the battle was over, we counted the killed of the enemy and found them to be thirteen thousand: our own loss was comparatively very slight. The victorious army marched into the kingdom of Tanaqui and encamped before its capital. The general terror had meanwhile increased so much, that the magistrates submissively met the conquerors and delivered the keys of the city. The capital surrendering, the whole country soon followed its example. The disregard and contempt in which the Quamites had to this time been held, were changed to admiration and fear: the empire, with the addition of the newly conquered kingdom, was extended to twice its former size.

The glory of these actions was with one voice ascribed to my superior knowledge and untiring industry; and the esteem which had been long cherished for me, now passed over to a reverent and divine worship. This period of general peace and exultation, I thought a fitting time to advance the civilization and refinement of the Quamites, and as a practical commencement to this great work I ordered the royal Tanaquitic library to be moved to Quama.

My curiosity to become acquainted with this library had been at first excited by the imprisoned leader Tomopoloko, who told me that among its manuscripts was one, whose author had been up to our globe, in which history of his travels he had described several of its kingdoms, particularly those of Europe. The Tanaquites had seized this manuscript during one of their predatory excursions into a distant land; but as the author had concealed his name, they knew not what countryman he was, nor in what manner he had passed up through the earth. The quaint title of this book was: "Tanian's[2] Travels Above-ground; being a description of the kingdoms and countries there, especially those of Europe." From the antiquity of this work together with its great popularity, it had become so ragged, that what I was most anxious to learn, namely, the narration of the author's journey to our earth and his return, was most unfortunately lost. Here is the contents of this singular manuscript, such as I found it:

"Fragments of Tanian's Diary, kept on a Voyage above-ground, Translated by his Excellency, M. Tomopoloko, General-in-chief, in the Service of his Tanaquitic majesty."

* * * * *

"This land (Germany) was called the Roman empire; but it has been an empty title, since the Roman monarchy was demolished several centuries since. The language of this land is not easy to understand, on account of its perverted style; for, what in other languages is placed before, in this comes after, so that the meaning cannot be had before a whole page is read through. The form of government is very inconsistent; some think they have a regent and yet have none; it should be an empire, yet it is divided into several duchies, each of which has its own government, and often engages in a formal war with its neighbor. The whole land is called 'holy,' although there is not to be found in it the least trace of piety. The regent, or more correctly the unregent, who bears the name of emperor, is denominated 'the continual augmenter of his country,' although he not seldom diminishes it; 'invincible,' notwithstanding he is often slain: sometimes by the French, sometimes by the Turks. One has no less reason to wonder at the people's rights and liberties; but although they have many rights, they are forbidden to use them. Innumerable commentaries have been written upon the German constitution, but notwithstanding this, they have made no advance because

* * * * *

"The capital of this country (France) is called Paris, and is very large, and may in a certain degree be considered the capital of all Europe; for it exercises a peculiar law-giving power over the whole continent. It has, for example, the exclusive right to prescribe the universal mode of dress and living; and no style of dress, however inconvenient or ridiculous, may be controverted after the Parisians have once established it. How or when they obtained this prescriptive right is unknown to me. I observed, however, that this dominion did not extend to other things; for the other nations often make war with the French, and not seldom force them to sue for peace on very hard terms; but subservience in dress and living nevertheless continues. In quickness of judgment, inquisitiveness after news, and fruitfulness of discovery, the French are much like the Martinians.

* * * * *

"From Bologna we went to Rome. This latter city is governed by a priest, who is held to be the mightiest of the kings and rulers of Europe, although his possessions may be travelled through in one day. Beyond all other regents, who only have supremacy over their subjects' lives and goods, he can govern souls. The Europeans generally believe that this priest has in his possession the keys of heaven. I was very curious to see these keys, but all my endeavors were in vain. His power, not only over his own subjects, but the whole human race, consists principally in that he can absolve those whom God condemns, and condemn those whom God absolves; an immense authority, which the inhabitants of our subterranean world seriously believe is not becoming to any mortal man. But it is an easy matter to induce the Europeans to credit the most unreasonable assertions, and submit to the most high-handed assumptions, notwithstanding they consider themselves alone sensible and enlightened, and, puffed up with their foolish conceits, look contemptuously upon all other nations, whom they call barbarous.

"I will not, by any means, defend our subterranean manners and institutions: my purpose simply is, to examine those of the Europeans, and show how little claim these people have to find fault with other nations.

"It is customary, in some parts of Europe, to powder the hair and clothes with ground and sifted corn; the same which nature has produced for the nourishment of man. This flour is called hair-powder. It is combed out with great care at night, preparatory to a fresh sprinkling in the morning. There is another custom with them, which did not appear less ridiculous to me. They have certain coverings for the head, called hats, made ostensibly, to protect the head from the weather, but which, instead of being used for this very reasonable purpose, are generally worn under the arm, even in the winter. This seemed as foolish to me as would the instance of one's walking through the city with his cloak or breeches in his hand; thus exposing his body, which these should cover, to the severity of the weather.

"The doctrines of European religion are excellent and consistent with sound reason. In their books of moral law they are commanded to read the Christian precepts often; to search into their true meaning, and are advised to be indulgent with the weak and erring. Nevertheless, should any understand one or another doctrine of these books in any but the established sense, they would be imprisoned, lashed, yes, and even burned for their want of judgment. This seemed to me the same case, as if one should be punished for a blemish in sight, through which he saw that object square which others believed to be round. I was told that some thousand people had been executed by hanging or burning, for their originality of thought.

"In most cities and villages are to be found certain persons standing in high places, who animadvert severely upon the sins of others, which they themselves commit daily: this seemed to me as sensible as the preaching of temperance by a drunkard.

"In the larger towns, it is almost generally the fashion to invite one's guests, immediately after meals, to imbibe a kind of sup made from burnt beans, which they call coffee. To the places where this is drunk, they are drawn in a great box on four wheels, by two very strong animals; for the higher classes of Europeans hold it to be very indecent to move about on their feet.

"On the first day of the year, the Europeans are attacked by a certain disease, which we subterraneans know nothing of. The symptoms of this malady are a peculiar disturbance of the mind and agitation of the head; its effects are that none can remain, on that day, five minutes in one place. They run furiously from one house to another, with no appreciable reason. This disease continues with many even fourteen days; until at last, they become weary of their eternal gadding, check themselves and regain their former health.

"In France, Italy and Spain, the people lose their reason for some weeks, in the winter season. This delirium is moderated by strewing ashes on the foreheads of the sufferers. In the northern parts of Europe, to which this disease sometimes extends, and where the ashes have no power, nature is left to work the cure.

"It is the custom with most Europeans, to enter into a solemn compact with God, in the presence of witnesses, three or four times a year, which they invariably and immediately break. This compact is called 'communion,' and seems to have been established only to show that the Europeans are used to break their promises several times each year. They confess their sins and implore the mercy of God, in certain melodies, accompanied by instrumental music. As the magnitude of their sins increases, their music becomes louder: thus fluters, trumpeters and drummers are favorite helpers to devotion.

"Almost all the nations of Europe are obliged to acknowledge and believe in the doctrines, which are contained in a certain 'holy book.' At the south the reading of this book is entirely forbidden; so that the people are forced to credit what they dare not read; in these same regions, it is likewise austerely forbidden to worship God, except in a language incomprehensible to the people; so that, only those prayers are held to be lawful and pleasing to God, which are uttered from memory, without comprehension.

"The learned controversies which occupy the European academies, consist in the discussion of matters, the development of which is productive of no benefit, and in the examination of phenomena, the nature of which is beyond the reach of the human mind. The most serious study of a European scholar, is the consideration of a pair of old boots, the slippers, necklaces and gowns of a race long extinct. Of the sciences, both worldly and divine, none judge for themselves, but subscribe blindly to the opinions of a few. The decisions of these, when once established, they cling to, like oysters to the rocks. They select a few from their number whom they call, 'wise,' and credit them implicitly. Now, there would be nothing to object against this, could raw and ignorant people decide in this case; but to decide concerning wisdom requires, methinks, a certain degree of sapience in the judge.

"In the southern countries, certain cakes are carried about, which the priests set up for Gods; the most curious part of this matter is, the bakers themselves, while the dough yet cleaves to their fingers, will swear that these cakes have created heaven and earth.

"The English prefer their liberty to all else, and are not slaves, except to their wives. Today they reject that religion, which yesterday they professed. I ascribe this fickleness to the situation of their country; they are islanders and seamen, and probably become affected by the variable element that surrounds them. They inquire very often after each other's health, so that one would suppose them to be all doctors; but the question: how do you do? is merely a form of speech; a sound without the slightest signification.

"Towards the north, is a republic, consisting of seven provinces. These are called 'united,' notwithstanding there is not to be found the least trace of union among them. The mob boast of their power, and insist upon their right to dispose of state affairs; but no where is the commonalty more excluded from such matters; the whole government being in the hands of some few families.

"The inhabitants of this republic heap up great riches with anxious and unwearied vigilance, which, however, they do not enjoy: their purses are always full, their stomachs always empty. One would almost believe they lived on smoke, which they continually suck through tubes or pipes, made of clay. It must, nevertheless, be confessed, that these people surpass all others in cleanliness; for they wash everything but their hands.

"Every land has its own laws and customs, which are usually opposed to each other. For example; by law, the wife is subject to the husband; by custom, the husband is ruled by the wife.

"In Europe, the superfluous members of society only are respected; these devour not only the fruits of the land but the land itself. The cultivators of the soil, who feed these gorges are degraded for their industry and despised for their usefulness.

"The prevalence of vice and crime in Europe may perhaps be fairly inferred from the great number of gallows and scaffolds to be seen everywhere. Each town has its own executioner. I must, for justice sake, clear England from this stigma; I believe there are no public murderers in that country: the inhabitants hang themselves.

"I have a kind of suspicion that the Europeans are cannibals; for they shut large flocks of healthful and strong persons in certain inclosures, called cloisters, for the purpose of making them fat and smooth. This object seldom fails, as these prisoners, free from all labor and care, have nothing to do but to enjoy themselves in these gardens of pleasure.

"Europeans commonly drink water in the morning to cool their stomachs; this object accomplished, they drink brandy to heat them again.

"In Europe are two principal sects in religion; the Roman catholic and the protestant. The protestants worship but one God; the catholics, several. Each city and village, with these, has its appropriate God or Goddess. All these deities are created by the pope, or superior priest at Rome, who, on his part, is chosen by certain other priests, called cardinals. The mighty power of these creators of the creator of the gods, does not, as it would seem to an indifferent spectator, apparently alarm the people.

"The ancient inhabitants of Italy subdued the whole world, and obeyed their wives; the present, on the contrary, abuse their wives and submit to the whole world.

"The Europeans generally feed upon the same victuals with the subterraneans. The Spaniards alone live on the air.

"Commerce flourishes here and there; many things are offered for sale in Europe, which with us are never objects of trade. Thus in Rome, people sell heaven; in Switzerland, themselves; and in * * * * * * *, the crown, sceptre and throne are offered at public auction.