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Where Not to Smoke.—Nevertheless, there are times and places when and where a man should not smoke. When he is about to meet a lady he knows he removes his cigar before removing his hat and bowing. If he wishes to join the lady, walking a short distance with her, he throws away his cigar before doing so. He does not smoke, when driving with a lady, unless possibly in the country. He should not smoke when walking with her—but he often does, with her full consent and permission. In fact, women, as has been said, are responsible for men's lapses in the way of smoking.

A guest does not smoke in his host's house unless especially invited to do so, by his host, not some younger member of the family or another visitor.

At a dinner party at which ladies are present, men do not smoke until the ladies have left the dining-room.

It is a bad form to smoke when anyone is singing, unless in those free-and-easy places of amusement where "everything goes."

About Expectoration.—No man should smoke, anywhere or at any time, who cannot smoke without using a cuspidor. It is a practice so much worse than smoking, so thoroughly abominable in itself, that no man with any claim to good breeding or good manners permits himself to indulge in it.

In most homes, nowadays, men are permitted to smoke "all over the house." It is better, wherever possible, to let the man have a "den" where he may smoke with his friends. The practice of smoking in bedrooms is reprehensible; the air one will breathe through the night should not be vitiated.



BACHELOR HOSPITALITY.

"A bachelor's life is a splendid breakfast; a tolerably flat dinner; and a most miserable supper."

Being a bachelor does not excuse a man from certain forms of hospitality. Many "society men" live in apartments, at the present time, and may entertain the ladies who have favored them with invitations; in fact, it is expected that a man who has often been entertained will reciprocate in some fashion.

If a bachelor's quarters are too restricted for any other form of entertaining, he may give a theatre party, followed by a supper at some cafe. Or he may do this without the theatre party. Of course, such an entertainment is expensive, but he must remember that the ladies who have entertained him have spent a good deal of money on their fetes.

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The Bachelor and the Chaperon.—The first thing the bachelor must do is to secure a chaperon. She must be a married woman of unimpeachable reputation. Having done this, he invites the other members of the party, first submitting his list to her approval. The usual number is six, three men and three women, or two men and four ladies. Two men may join forces to entertain a quartet of ladies, or more, and thus halve the expense. The carriage or taxicab is sent first to the residence of the chaperon; the host accompanies it or may meet it there. The other ladies are called for, the other men generally meet the carriages at the theatre. The host sits next the chaperon at the theatre and at the supper, placing her on his right.

If a supper is to follow, and it almost always does, the host has reserved a table at the hotel or cafe and has perhaps ordered flowers and a special menu in advance. He has also settled the account, so that he has only to cross the waiter's palm with silver at the conclusion of the repast, in acknowledgment of faultless service.

Cheaper Ways of Entertaining.—In summer there are cheaper ways in which a bachelor may payoff his social obligations. Most bachelors belong to clubs, where they may give luncheons or suppers. There are roof-gardens and outdoor vaudeville, open-air concerts, etc., that may be made pleasurable occasions. He may charter a yacht, in company with several friends, and entertain a dozen or half score ladies with a sailing party. At all these, however, he must provide a chaperon.

A very pleasant and informal way for a bachelor to entertain is to invite some of his more intimate women acquaintances to afternoon tea at his apartments. For this he writes personal notes or gives verbal invitations. He asks some married, lady to assist him, placing it in the light of a favor to himself. She must arrive early, and remain until the last guest has left. The host pays the chaperon special deference, asking her to pour the tea, and either escorting her home or ordering a carriage for her.

Elaborate refreshments are not necessary at such an affair. Sandwiches, cakes, tea, served in the American fashion or a la' Russe, are sufficient. The chaperon presides at the refreshment table. All things needed for the refreshment of the guests may be ordered from a caterer. If the affair is in the evening, chocolate and coffee may be served instead of tea, or cakes, coffee and ices.

The Bachelor's Chafing Dish.—If the circumstances of the bachelor permit, he may give a chafing-dish supper, presiding over the manufacture of a Welsh rarebit or lobster a la Newburg, making the coffee himself in a machine. This might take the place of the supper at a restaurant after the play. After such a supper, or a dinner in his rooms, the host escorts the ladies to their carriages, and accompanies the chaperon to her home.

If none of these methods of entertaining chance to be within the man's means—for many poor men of pleasing address are social favorites—he may fall back on the pretty compliment implied in sending flowers or bonbons, remembering that matrons as well as "buds" appreciate such attentions.

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In Village Society.—In small towns and in the country, the young man would ridicule the idea of having a chaperon along. He seldom considers the question of repaying social invitations, or paying calls after an entertainment. He should be careful to show courtesy to the host and hostess, to dance with the latter and her daughter at a dancing party, and may escort mother and daughter or the mother and some one of her friends, to a lecture or concert. Generally he ignores all claims of this character. But he should not.

Should He Offer His Arm?—A man seldom offers a woman his arm nowadays, unless she is so elderly or infirm that she needs the support. For a couple to walk arm in arm in daylight is decidedly provincial. For a man to take a woman's arm is a liberty not permissible unless she is a member of his family. He should offer his arm if holding an umbrella over her at night, on a poorly lighted street or a country road at night. A woman, unless very infirm or ill, should not walk arm-in-arm with a man in daylight.

The Outside of the Walk.—A man usually walks on a woman's right, in order to protect her if necessary, It looks absurd, however, for him to be dodging around her to keep on the outside of the walk unless some danger is to be encountered.

Minor Matters of Men's Etiquette.—A man should not carry a girl's parasol; he should however assume any parcel she may be carrying.

When a man escorts a woman to her home it is not correct for him to linger at the door. He should accompany her up the steps, ring the bell and wait until she is admitted. If the hour is at all late he should not enter, even though invited.

It is extremely bad form for a man to speak of a woman by her Christian name while talking to casual acquaintances. Though long acquaintance may sanction the familiarity at home, or among intimate friends, to all outsiders she should be Miss.

The custom of leaving the theatre between acts is inexcusable. If a man is escorting a lady, he is guilty of great rudeness if he leaves her,

Cards and Calls.—If calling on a lady who is visiting a person who is a stranger to him, he must ask for her hostess, sending up a card for her as well as for his friend. If calling with a lady, he should wait for her to give the signal for departure.

The man who attends an afternoon tea should leave a card for each lady mentioned in the invitation, and for the host, whether the latter was present or not. He must send the same number of cards if unable to be present, enclosing them all in an envelope which fits the cards, addressing it to the hostess, and mailing it so that it will be received on the day of the function. He must call upon his hostess within two weeks after an invitation to a dinner or ball.

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In attending a tea or afternoon reception, the right-hand glove must be removed before entering the drawing room, as it is bad form to offer a gloved hand to one's hostess on such occasions.

If, when calling on a lady, another visitor arrives, the first comer must not attempt to "sit him out." He should make his adieux within a reasonable time after the second arrival, even though a friend in more intimate standing.

Bad Habits.—A man should carefully avoid mannerisms, such as twisting his mustache, fussing with his tie, fidgeting with some little article taken from a table, as a paper knife, etc. These awkwardnesses are the outcome of nervousness. He should strive at all times to be simple, at ease, and unconscious of himself. If he tries to "show off" he makes himself obnoxious.

Picking the teeth, chewing a toothpick, cleaning the finger nails in company, are gross violations of propriety.

The Car Fare Question.—A girl occasionally appeals to writers on social forms to find out when she should permit a man to pay her car fare. It is expected that he will pay for her if he is escorting her, and she should allow him to do so without comment. If they happen on the same car by chance she should pay her own fare. If the man anticipates her, handing the change to the conductor and saying "For two," she should thank him simply and let the matter pass. Really, it is not entirely good form for a man to pay a woman's fare under such circumstances, unless she has difficulty in finding her purse, or her change. Then he may say "Allow me" and pay for her. If she finds her money she may return the amount, and he should take it without protest.



THE ETIQUETTE OF DRESS.

"The best possible impression that you can make with your dress is to make no impression at all; but so to harmonize its material and shape with your personality that it becomes tributary in the general effect, and so exclusively tributary that people cannot tell after seeing you what kind of clothes you wear."—Holland.



MEN'S DRESS.

A man—lucky creature—is not expected to change his clothes as frequently as a woman must. He wears morning dress until dinner, unless he is to attend some afternoon function, like a wedding or a reception. Dinner is now almost universally at six or half after six o'clock. Before that hour, save in the exception noted above, he wears a business suit, a derby or "soft" hat, tan shoes if he prefers them, or laced calf-skin shoes with heavy soles. The coat may be sack or cutaway. Such an outfit is correct for traveling wear. A white shirt, or one of striped madras, is worn, with a white linen collar. The tie is usually a four-in-hand in some dark shade.

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The cutaway coat is correct for church wear. In summer it largely takes the place of the frock coat, which, with the silk hat, is usually "out of season," so to speak, from about the middle of May until about the same time in September. Straw or felt hats are worn.

Tweed flannel and cheviot suits are favorite summer wear for men, Flannel trousers, white with flannel shirt and leather belt, constitute the usual wear for tennis, golf, etc., and blue cheviot or serge for yachting.

Afternoon Wear.—For formal afternoon wear the double-breasted frock coat of black worsted, with waistcoat of the same or of white duck, is reserved, dark gray pin-stripe trousers are worn with it, patent leather shoes, gray gloves, silk hat and standing linen collar. The standing collar is for formal wear. This attire is suitable for all social affairs between noon and evening.

After dinner evening clothes—the "dress suit"—are worn. This has been fully described in the chapter on wedding etiquette, under the head of correct dress.

Incongruity in Dress.—A man must avoid incongruities in dress. Tan shoes are inadmissible with formal afternoon dress. They do not accompany a silk hat. A lawn tie is never worn save with evening clothes, nor a turn-down collar with them. Gloves should be inconspicuous. A man's hands encased in bright tan gloves make one think of sugar-cured hams.

The Tuxedo is a dinner coat, hence never seen before six o'clock; it must not be worn at a theatre party, or if a man escorts ladies. It may be worn in summer at informal dinners, and at summer hotels. Silk hat, white waistcoat, or white lawn tie are not correct wear with a Tuxedo.



APPROPRIATE DRESS FOR WOMEN.

The real beauty of dress resides in being suitably gowned. Suit the attire to the time and place. Fashion prescribes and regulates styles; etiquette settles the appropriate garb for the occasion. Every detail, from shoes to hat, should be harmonious and suited to the occasion and consequently to the hour of the day. But how many, many violations of this rule we see! Ostrich feathers worn with shirtwaists; low shoes on the street; dressy hats in the morning; jewels at breakfast—all inappropriate and unrelated!

The correct street wear in the morning in the winter is a tailored suit with medium sized hat in felt or beaver, walking shoes, and rather heavy gloves in glace kid. More elaborate suits or gowns in fine smooth cloth or velvet are worn at afternoon functions, for calling and receptions. One does not choose light or showy colors for these if she must walk or take a street car. Ostrich feathers can be worn on the velvet or satin hat that accompanies this costume, which is completed by patent leather shoes and white or pearl-gray gloves.

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When Decollete Gowns are Worn.—High-necked and long-sleeved gowns are worn at every daytime function.

At balls, cotillions, formal dinners, evening parties, and in the large cities in opera boxes, decollete gowns may be worn.

No "nice" woman wears a low gown when dining at restaurant or hotel. The neck may be cut low, under a lace yoke, unlined, and the sleeves finished from the elbow with lace. Hats are worn.

One chooses a handsome velvet or other dressy material for a dinner dress, and wears with it her rarest jewels. Good taste and modesty forbid too lavish a display of shoulders. As a rule, in our average social life, the unlined lace yoke and collar and lace sleeves are preferred for dinner wear, the decollete gown being reserved for balls and cotillions.

Young girls' dancing gowns are never cut very low; the "Dutch" neck and the slightly low round cut being preferred. A string of pearls, a fine gold chain and locket, or gold beads, which have been restored to favor, are the usual ornament.

For theatre wear, where one is not to occupy a box, one may wear a handsome reception gown, or a handsome bodice and skirt. Shirt and lingerie waists are not appropriate theatre wear, unless one patronizes some second-class house of amusement.

Wearing the Hat.—The rule to bear in mind as to the wearing of hats is this: At all daytime affairs, hats are kept on. At all evening affairs—musicales, concerts, receptions, the play, they are removed.

Tea-gowns and negligees are for the boudoir; the kimona is for the bedroom.

Gloves are removed at a luncheon or dinner. Of course they would not be kept on at a card-party or a tea. One may retain them at a stand-up supper.

Ornaments.—An abundance of ornament is in bad taste. Don't be one of the See-me-with-'em-all-on type. A cheap ornament spoils a handsome costume, better none at all; too many ornaments, even if good, look tawdry.

At a certain fashionable summer hotel a young woman was seen dancing in high shoes and wearing a demi-trained lingerie gown over a petticoat of ordinary walking length. She was certainly "the observed of all observers," but hardly the object of admiration.

The Debutante's Dress.—The debutante usually wears white on the occasion of her introduction to society. The material should be light and youthful—crepe de chine, some soft white silk like messaline, chiffon or organdie being the usual choice, made with high neck and long sleeves if the affair takes the form of an afternoon reception. Only a ball or cotillion permits a low gown, and then the gown is not "low" in the usual sense: it is merely cut out modestly in the neck and the sleeves are short. In the afternoon her mother, who presents her, wears a handsome reception gown; her young friends, who "assist," wear light colored, dressy gowns of chiffon, net, etc. At such an affair guests remove wraps but retain hat and gloves.

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Dressing on a Modest Allowance.—The woman who wishes to be well dressed but must produce that effect on a moderate allowance, must be particularly careful in her purchases. She should confine herself to two colors, of which black will be one. She must choose conservative styles as well as colors, and above all, she must study very closely the relationship of her purchases in order to avoid incongruities. A hat may be beautiful and becoming and within her means, yet a very unwise purchase because it will not harmonize with or be suited to the costume with which it is to be worn.

Neat gloves and good shoes are items of dress not to be disregarded by the woman who wishes to look well dressed. Shabby gloves are ruinous to a well-dressed appearance.



DRESS FOR ELDERLY WOMEN.

The woman who has been "dressy" in her youth must curb her fancy as she grows older, and carefully avoid things that are "too young" for her. She may "love pink" or pale blue, and because she could wear it when a girl, unwisely clings to it in her fifth and sixth decades. A bedizened old woman dressed in a fashion suitable for one twenty years younger, is a sight more pitable than admirable. She must not permit the milliner or costumer to convince her that she is still young enough to "wear anything" but must try to have sense enough to distinguish what is suitable from what appeals to her because she would have looked well in it in her youth.

Ermine furs, for instance, are absurd on a woman of forty-five or fifty. The dead white brings out the yellow in her complexion and the faded color of eyes and hair. A very light "dressy" hat makes the wrinkles more obvious.

The Suitable.—Dark, unobtrusive colors, relieved by white lace at throat and wrists, hats modest in size and coloring, set off gray hair and matronly figure far better than showy and more youthful garb. No elderly woman should attempt to wear brown; somehow it kills her complexion if she is sallow. Black, very dark blue, the softer shades of gray, are generally becoming if relieved with white. Lavender and mauve can be becomingly worn by those dear old white-haired ladies who have pretty complexions. The lemon-colored lady must avoid them. We must remember Joubert's saying: "In clothes fresh and clean there is a kind of youth with which age should surround itself."

Materials must be as handsome as can be afforded; soft wool materials may be chosen, cashmere, henrietta, voile, make up suitably. In summer most old ladies can wear white to advantage.

Simplicity should be the guide as to styles. Leave the fussy and elaborate to younger women, and adopt a dignified simplicity.

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DUTIES OF A CHAPERON.

"The art of not hearing should be learned by all." Young America flouts the chaperon. The young girl of the middle class guesses she can "look out for herself," and knows "how to behave." Very often she doesn't know, and sadly demonstrates her lack of the knowledge of life and good sense that would enable her to avoid situations that create gossip. In European society the chaperon is indispensable and has an acknowledged and honored position. In America, young women ridicule the idea and young men are decidedly impatient of her presence. And yet in our more conventional circles it is understood that she is a protection to the girls in her charge, and an oft-needed restraint on young men who are inclined to be too free and familiar.

Mothers as Chaperons.—A mother is her daughter's best chaperon. Very often her health, her home duties and her own lack of social experience unfit her for such a duty. In that case, she should be glad to put her girls in charge of some more experienced woman. If all young men were honest and honorable and temperate, the unchaperoned girl would meet with fewer embarrassments. Think of the awkward plight of a girl should the carriage or the taxicab break down as she is returning home, or the miserable state of the girl whose escort at play or party has taken too much wine! These things don't often happen, some one says. They do happen—far more frequently than the world at large is aware.

Chaperon's Lot Not Easy.—The duties of a chaperon are so onerous that she deserves much gratitude, rather than revilement, for undertaking them. She must stay at balls and parties when she would infinitely prefer her bed; she must frequent places of amusement that are tiresome to her but agreeable to her young charges; she must remain in the parlor, or in the adjacent room separated only by draperies from it, while the girt entertains men callers, and no woman enjoys being "gooseberry;" she must check too high spirits and prevent "loud" behavior. And she will many times know that her presence is resented, and sad to say, endure slights in the discharge of her duties.

Chaperons a Social Help.—Nevertheless, if girls only knew it, the chaperon may be very helpful and aid them materially in having a good time. She should be a woman of wide acquaintance, accustomed to good society. Then she will introduce the girls under her charge to nice men whom they should know, and to partners for the dance; see that they are invited to nice places, and that they are correctly dressed. She must have tact combined with dignity, and be able to reprove little lapses in decorum so tactfully that youth will not take umbrage. She must make her charges like her, and win and hold their respect. And it is very important that she should know what not to see—"the art of not hearing"—yet she should never overlook anything vital, It will be seen that she should be a person of infinite tact, good nature and courage.

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The Chaperon of the Motherless Girl.—Nowdays, the wealthy widower, instead of putting his young daughter at the head of the household, secures some woman of good reputation and social standing as his daughter's chaperon. She is, practically, the feminine head of the house, and in so far as possible, takes a mother's place with the girl. She sees to it that the girl has proper companionship and does not make undesirable acquaintances. She accompanies her on shopping expeditions, travels with her, attends theatres and parties with her, takes the head of the table if the girl gives a luncheon, and everywhere strives to make life pleasant for her young charge, giving up her own pleasure and convenience for that purpose.

Even the young woman of twenty-five or twenty-seven, at the head of her father's household, or living in a hotel, should have a companion.

Avoid Espionage.—And yet, with all this responsibility, the chaperon must avoid anything like espionage. She must not open letters; she must not be prying and inquisitive; she must not give reasons for the girl she chaperons to regard her as "a dragon."

A giddy, flirtatious chaperon is a disadvantage to a girl. She is so desirous of securing attention and having a good time herself that she neglects her charge. Often she undertakes chaperonage chiefly or entirely in order to go about herself. Such a chaperon is worse than none at all.

The Girl and the Chaperon.—A girl should remember that her chaperon stands in the relation of a mother to her for the time being, therefore any disregard of her chaperon's suggestions or wishes is the same as disregarding her mother's. No well-bred girl ever does this—well, at least not publicly. If her chaperon gently intimates that it is time to go home, that she is dancing too many times with the same man, or "sitting out" too long, she should cheerfully comply with the hint. She should not vanish with an escort, leaving her chaperon and others—to wonder at her absence, but at the close of every few dances, before the beginning of another, ask to be taken to her chaperon. There her next partner will naturally look for her.

She must at all times treat her chaperon with the utmost respect and deference, remembering the lady is bestowing a favor by taking charge of her, and that it is often at her parents' request.

At a theatre party, bachelor's tea, sailing party, excursion, etc., one married woman is sufficient chaperon.

The girl who works, the art and music student, may look after herself, but the society girl must submit to the thralldom of the chaperon.

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The Chaperon in Middle Class Society.—While the rules of etiquette are intended to be of general application, there are certain relaxations in middle class society not permissible in more fashionable circles. This is the case as regard the chaperon. Many young men on moderate salary would not feel they could afford to buy a ticket to the theatre or concert for a chaperon, or order a carriage. But is a girl then to be denied permission to accept the invitation? Under such circumstances middle class etiquette requires that the young man shall be well known to the family as a person of good habits and reputation. The girl, however, is not supposed to accept an invitation to a supper afterwards. She may go to a dancing party at a private house or a club in case proper chaperons are provided for the affair and they almost invariably are. But it is better taste for a party of young people to go together under the care of a chaperon.

When a girl receives a young man visitor, her mother should always meet him. She should enter the parlor, be introduced if he is a stranger, converse for fifteen or twenty minutes, and excuse herself, leaving the young people to their tete-a-tete. No girl ever loses a young man's estimation through being properly looked after.

Under no circumstances should the young girl be allowed to accompany a young man on an excursion without a chaperon. She should not motor with him alone; another pair of young people should go with them unless a chaperon is included.



GOOD FORM IN SPEECH.

"It isn't so much what you do; it is how you do it. Not so much what you think as how you clothe your thoughts that enables you to make a pleasant impression."

Good breeding is shown in the use of words, quite as much as in manners. Correct use is evidence of culture and personal refinement.

Use of Slang and Colloquialisms.—Slang, we are often reminded, is common—meaning vulgar. And yet, there are some slang phrases that are so expressive, and convey so much meaning in few words that the temptation to use them is irresistible. Much use of slang, however, is very undesirable, indicating lack of refinement. We may be colloquial, but must eschew the vulgar.

Among the words that are bad form we find "folks," used instead of "family" or "relatives." "Ain't" is one of the most common improprieties of speech and one that has no standing whatever in good language. "Gentlemen friend." "lady friend," are vulgarisms. We should not speak of young men as "fellows."

We should say "shops" instead of "stores," and "station" instead of "depot." A depot is a place where provisions and stores are accumulated. Just how it came to be applied to a railway station is an etymological puzzle. The use of "learn" for "teach" is incorrect. "Pupil," "student" and "scholar" are often used interchangeably, but incorrectly so. "Pupil" refers to the younger classes in a school.

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Those in the most advanced grade of a high school, and those in college are students; while scholar signifies those who are learned and out of school. "Dresser," "bureau" and "dressing case" are incorrectly applied to a chest of drawers. "Vest" for "waistcoat," and "dress suit" for "evening clothes" are incorrect. "Visitors" is in better taste than "guests." "Got" is a word often used superfluously and always inelegantly. "I have it" sounds much better than "I have got it"; leave out "got" wherever you can. As for "gotten"—it ought to be unspeakable.

"Don't" for "doesn't" is, perhaps the most common grammatical error. "I don't," "you don't," "they don't,' are correct. "Don't" is a contraction of "do not." You wouldn't say "he do not," "she do not," would you? Then don't say "he don't," or "she don't."

As a rule the simpler the speech the better. "Residence" for "house," "peruse" for "read," "retire" for "going to bed"—all these and their like sound stilted.

The use of French words and phrases is to be avoided, both in writing and speaking. Generally they are mispronounced—as in the case of the very affected lady who spoke of "Mrs. Brown, nee Smith," pronouncing "nee" as if spelled "knee."

Form of Address.—To acquaintances, a woman speaks of "my husband"; to friends, she calls him by his Christian name. To servants, he is "Mr. Smith." This is a rule often violated, so often in fact, that few are aware of the impropriety of saying "Mr. Smith" to friends and acquaintances. The man employs the converse of the rule; it is "my wife" to acquaintances, etc. To speak of a daughter as "Miss Mary" or "Miss Jane" to anyone but a servant is insulting, placing the person thus spoken to on a par with an inferior. If formality is desirable one should say "my daughter Mary." The same rule applies to a son.

It has already been said that we do not address a wife by her husband's title. He is Dr. Brown; she is Mrs. Brown. Mrs. General, Mrs. Judge, are not current in polite circles.

We do not use "Sir" in addressing equals. Children no longer say "sir" or "ma'am" to their parents, but "Yes, father," or "No mother." Ma'am is seldom heard now except from old-fashioned servants. Maids and men-servants say "yes, Mrs. Smith," or sometimes, "No, madam."

Courtesy in Conversation.—"Things said for conversation are chalk eggs," said Emerson. There are many chalk eggs on the market. Most of us feel that to "be sociable" we must talk incessantly. True, there are sometimes dreadful pauses in conversation when no one seems able to think of anything to say, and the longer the pause the more vacuous one's mind.

What passes for conversation at receptions, dinners, ordinary social affairs, is merely chatter made up, of persiflage and repartee. One must be able to furnish it, however, for small talk is conversational "small change," without which it is not easy to "do business." Lacking it, one is like Mark Twain's man with the million dollar check and not change enough to buy a postage stamp.

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SUBJECTS OF CONVERSATION.

No one can tell another person what to talk about. Advice on that subject is valueless. There are some things we may do, however, to make ourselves agreeable in conversation. We may study the art of expressing ourselves clearly,—saying what we wish to say without circumlocution. Some people seem to begin in the middle of a subject and talk both ways.

Avoid personalities in your conversation. Don't talk about yourself; nobody is interested in your personal perplexities and troubles. Don't recite your "symptoms" nor tell what the doctor says, nor what diet he has prescribed. Nothing, positively nothing, is so tiresome. Don't indulge in animadversions upon the absent, nor make sarcastic remarks about them.

Try to discover some subject in which your companion is interested, and get him to talking. Then show yourself a good listener. A woman may get the reputation of being bright and clever if she will simply show herself a good listener. To do this, she must give her attention to the person who is talking. She must seem interested. Her eyes must not wander around the room; she must not take up picture or book and glance over it; her questions must be intelligent and to the point. Then, unless the speaker is a well-known bore, she need never suffer under the imputation of being neglected in society, and she will be thought courteous and intelligent.

Discourtesies.—To interrupt a speaker, to take the words out of his mouth and finish the sentence for him, to broach a new topic, irrelevant to that in hand, unless the latter is in danger of leading to thin conversational ice,—all these are discourtesies.

To yawn while listening to anyone; to show lack of interest in a story or anecdote that is being told, or let the attention wander, is marked impoliteness. We are not to remind a speaker that his story is an old one, or that he has told it before.

Some Things to Avoid.—A man should avoid raving over the perfections, the beauty or chic of one woman to another. He shouldn't talk golf to one who doesn't know the language of the game, nor discourse on music to the unmusical. Above all, he shouldn't undertake to entertain the whole company, nor introduce a topic in which he only is interested or informed. The more serious questions of life are barred in society; people wish to be amused, not instructed. An inveterate talker, especially one of a didactic turn, is a bore. So is the man who puts a hobby through its paces. Avoid exaggerations in conversation, also extravagances, such as "beastly this" or "awfully that," also avoid over emphasis. Don't talk in italics.

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The Speaking Voice.—A clear, distinct enunciation should be cultivated. The voice need not—should not—be raised above the ordinary conversational level to make one perfectly understood, if only one speaks clearly. This is something that can be cultivated. So also a discrimination in the use of words, so that which most nearly expresses the meaning of the speaker comes to him readily.

A pleasant voice is a charm, either in man or woman. A noted teacher of singing once remarked that the cultivation of the speaking voice is a positive duty, and possible to almost everyone. Certainly a harsh, squeaky, shrill or affected tone of voice may be improved by care and endeavor.



CHURCH ETIQUETTE.

Surely the church is the place where one day's truce ought to be allowed to the vanities, the dissensions and animosities of mankind.—Burke.

The church is sometimes sarcastically referred to as "the social stepping-stone." It is a fact that the newly made rich and the vulgar often choose a church attended by the people of fashion whose acquaintance they most desire, rent a high-priced pew, and become prominent through their benefactions and their services in church work. They are "taken up," after a time, in a fashion, and unless too socially impossible through lack of good breeding, may, from "fringers," become "climbers." "I might go to that church for a hundred years and no one would notice me," bitterly complained a woman who had undertaken the social uplift via the church. The woman in question defeated her own object. She dressed in the extreme of style; she always came in late, with much rustle of silk and rattle of bangles; her hair was "touched up" and her face rouged. The well-bred and refined members condemned her on these grounds. Nevertheless, where a stranger comes who bears the hall-mark of culture and refinement, the church connection is often an aid to social habilitation, though it should never be sought as such.

Friendly Advances.—Friendly advances generally come from pew neighbors. Respond to them courteously but without undue eagerness. Do not expect your pastor to become your social sponsor with his congregation, and remember that though he will probably call after letters of church membership are presented, you have no claim upon his family, nor the families of any of the church officers through acquaintance in business life. This is often a grievance to people from smaller towns who, moving to a city, expect the families of their business associates to assist them socially. Two men may be partners for ten years without their wives knowing each other by sight, if they chance to move in different social circles.

Demeanor.—One should dress quietly at church, give attention to the service and the clergyman, and not linger unduly in the vestibule to gossip or greet friends. To notify the usher if one's pew will not be occupied is a courtesy if the preacher is popular and the church crowded. To be disagreeable in case strangers are shown to one's pew, or mistakenly seated there, is unkind and unchristian. Giggling, smiles, exchange of smiles or bows in the church proper are regarded as bad form.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 777]

NEIGHBORHOOD ETIQUETTE.

Neighborliness is a quality little exercised in cities, where one may live next door to people for years and merely know their names. Some people prefer not to know their neighbors, fearing undue familiarity on their part. The relationship may be a very pleasant one if both parties observe certain restraints. It is not well to become too intimate. Nobody wants a neighbor running in at all hours, with or without an errand. Sometimes to sit on the back porch with a book or paper seems to invite a neighbor to "run over" and the hour's rest or mental recreation is given over to small talk.

A neighbor has no more right to enter without knocking than any other caller, whether by kitchen or front door. It is an intrusion, a disregard of the reserve that should characterize neighborly intercourse. No matter how friendly, friendship will last longer where the forms of decorum are observed.

Borrowing.—The exchange of "kitchen-kindnesses" should be ventured upon rarely. By these is meant the plate of cookies or biscuit or doughnuts we send our neighbor on baking-day. Some families prefer their own cooking. A woman who had been annoyed by many unsolicited donations of this kind, persisted in though unreciprocated, finally piled the sent-in biscuit rather ostentatiously on the garbage can in full sight of her neighbor's window. Other hints had failed, this was effective—a rather violent remedy, but after all not undeserved. In case of illness, where one has no maid, or the family must care for the sick, a fresh cake or a tasty dessert may be offered, and will seldom fail of appreciation. Knowing the circumstances, one need not hesitate over the proffer of a neighborly kindness.

There is little excuse in the city for the borrowing of kitchen staples which is the bane of some country neighborhoods. A borrowing neighbor is an affliction—a nuisance which unfortunately doesn't come under the jurisdiction of the Board of Health.

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CARRIAGE ETIQUETTE.

A story is told of a certain great lady who visited at the court of a reigning monarch on a secret matrimonial mission. The monarch had three daughters; the emperor of her own country had a marriageable son. Before overtures were made for an alliance, the lady was to see the three princesses and decide which one should be honored by the proposal. It was her whim to rely upon "the carriage test." She watched the young princesses as they alighted from the royal carriage. The oldest one descended clumsily, displaying too much of the royal lingerie. The second skipped out, disdaining the step. The third descended gracefully and with dignity, and Cupid's ambassador decided she would make the most fitting empress.

At certain finishing schools, lessons in deportment include training in how to enter and leave a vehicle gracefully. Stepping out on the right-hand side, the right foot is placed on the step, the left naturally falls on the ground. Entering, the left foot is first advanced. In this way the other foot clears the body of the carriage without awkwardness.

Minor Items.—The rule that the owner of the carriage occupies the right-hand seat even when accompanied by a guest, is almost universally observed. The only exception seems to be when the guest is a person of unusual distinction.

To place one's carriage at the disposal of a friend is a great courtesy, and should never be abused by the recipient. In case of accident the occupant should pay the bills for repairs, or at least urge that she be allowed to do so.

If a lady invites a friend to pay calls with her, dropping her companion to call on some acquaintance while she goes on to see a friend of her own, the lady thus favored must not keep her waiting on her return, more than the few moments necessary to make her adieux.



CIVILITY IN PUBLIC.

One is shocked, often, at the prevalence of rudeness in human intercourse. People who are courteous in the drawing-room are sometimes horribly uncivil in public. They crowd and jostle and elbow in thc endeavor to secure better places for themselves, violating every canon of politeness. Women have fainted, gowns have been ruined and valuable articles lost in "crushes" incident to gatherings in "our best society."

Many people carry an umbrella with utter disregard of the eyes and headgear of the passing crowd. Closed, it is tucked under the arm, the ferrule projecting behind on a level with the face of a pedestrian. They go through a heavy door, pushing it open for themselves and letting it swing back against the next comer. They step in advance of those who have prior claim to be shown to seats, and accept civilities and service without so much as a "Thank you." They endeavor to obtain "something for nothing" by piling their luggage into seats they have not paid for on the train; on the boat they fortify themselves in a circle of chairs that are "engaged"—generally to hold their wraps and lunch-boxes, while others look in vain for seats.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 779]

Rude Tourists.—Tourists have a reputation for a disregard of the rights of others, which makes them obnoxiously uncivil. They enter a church where worshipers are kneeling and audibly criticise the architecture and decorations, or the faith to which it is consecrated. They comment flippantly on great pictures in art galleries, and snicker over undraped statues, evincing the commonness of their minds and their lack of knowledge of art. But one of the worst lapses of decorum is to sit in a theatre and anticipate the action of the play, or the development of a musical number, by explanations to a companion. To do so may show familiarity with the play or the score, but it also shows a painful lack of good breeding, and a disregard of others' rights to peaceful enjoyment. On a par with this is the incivility of a person who undertakes to accompany a soloist with his (or her) own little pipe, to the annoyance of those who prefer to listen to professional rather than amateur efforts.

Of course all these rude people excuse themselves by saying they "get left" if they don't "rush," and that they "paid for their seats," as if this atoned for their disregard of those who, equally with themselves, have paid for a pleasure spoiled for them by the greed or impertinence of their fellow men—and women.

Telephone Etiquette.—"Central" could disclose how discourteous many women who pique themselves on their good manners can be when they are "calling down" the tradesman who has made a mistake in filling their order. And how often a party line is held for a lengthy "telephone visit" while others wait their really important affairs because the "line's busy!"

The manners of the public need reforming. Civility is a public good. Without it, we would be barbarians. It is the practical application of the Golden Rule to everyday life. To lay aside our own courtesy because we are in a crowd, or among people who do not know us, reduces us below the level of those who are not versed in the social requirements, because we know them and should practise them, whereas they do not know.



DUTIES AND DRESS OF SERVANTS.

In many large and well-to-do households in this country only one maid, the "girl for general housework" is engaged, the mistress and her daughters assisting with the lighter parts of the work. In such case each must have a certain definite portion of the daily duties and be responsible for its performance. Very few maids are capable enough to do all the work of a good sized family without assistance, even though the linen be sent to the laundry.

The One Maid.—Where but one maid is kept she must rise early and put in a couple of hours' work before breakfast, airing the house and perhaps putting in order and dusting the living rooms, then preparing breakfast. She will probably serve it unless everything is put on the table, in which case she may busy herself in the kitchen, washing the rougher dishes used in preparing the meal. The mistress of each household must make out her own schedule for the week, according to the convenience of the family.

The maid is supposed to have her dress changed by three o'clock. She will wear a simple but neat cotton gown about her work, mornings; in the afternoon she will put on a black dress with white apron, collar and cuffs. She is expected to keep a clean apron in the kitchen to slip on if summoned to the door before luncheon. She should never answer the bell with her sleeves rolled up. The mistress provides the white apron with shoulder pieces, the linen cuffs and collar worn by the maid of all work in the afternoon and evening. These are the mistress's property, remaining in the family through the changes of servants. So many girls object to the cap that it is seldom seen save in very formal establishments. If worn, the mistress furnishes it.

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Instructing the Maid.—If the mistress finds her maid's education in her duties is deficient, she should teach her to open the door wide, as if the visitor were welcome; to have her tray ready to receive cards; to be informed as to whether the mistress is at home or not that she may answer the visitor's inquiry at once. She is to usher the visitor into the drawing room or parlor, take the card to her mistress and return to say that "Mrs. Blank will be down in a few minutes," never alluding to her mistress as "she," as some ill-trained girls do.

If a lady who keeps but one maid entertains at all she must instruct the girl in the proper serving of meals. In the first place, everything that is necessary for the service must be ready; there must be no getting out of extra silver or china at the last moment, with its upsetting confusion. The menu must be so carefully planned that most of the food to be served can be prepared beforehand. For a six o'clock company dinner, the soup may be hot in the kettle; the fowl or joint in the oven; the entree waiting the finishing touches on the back of the range, the vegetables in the warmer, and the dessert in the ice-box. All the china and silver being in readiness and the table properly laid, the maid slips into her black dress and apron, and presents herself at the drawing-room door, announcing "Dinner' is served."

The Maid's Serving.—The guests being seated, she brings in the soup tureen, uncovers it, taking the cover to the pantry as she goes for the hot soup plates. She then stands at the left of the mistress with a tray, covered with a doily, in her left hand, a folded napkin under the tray; takes the soup plates as they are filled, passing them to the left of each guest, taking the plate from the tray with the right hand. She then removes the tureen. Removing the plates she takes them from the left side of the guest. The roast is brought in and served in the same manner as the soup; the vegetables are passed, each guest helping himself from the dish. The salad is usually served on the plates upon which it has been arranged. After the salad the table is cleared and the crumbs brushed with a napkin upon a plate or tray, and the dessert brought on for the hostess to serve, The latter starts the little dishes of bonbons or salted nuts on their travels, guests passing them along.

Chocolate is a good beverage to serve on such occasions; it can be made in the morning, or even the day before, and heated without in the least impairing its quality.

Given a capable, willing girl, one anxious to learn and not too self-conscious, a woman may entertain two or three or four guests very adequately if she will plan her menu carefully and see, personally, that everything is in readiness. She should, however, avoid any overelaboration. Better a simple meal well prepared and served than a more pretentious one that fails in these particulars.

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Duties of Waitress and Cook.—Where two maids are kept they are waitress— "second girl" or "housemaid," sometimes so-called—and cook. The housemaid—we will so style her—opens and airs the house and dusts and arranges the rooms before breakfast. She serves the breakfast, clears the table and washes the dishes taken from it. She then proceeds to the bedrooms, putting them in order, dusting, making beds, etc. She will probably have fine lingerie waists, etc., to wash and iron on certain mornings. She does the sweeping, unless there is a man to take out and beat the rugs, and wipes up hardwood floors. She must clean the silver once a week and rub up brass; keep the pantries in order, clean the bathrooms, wait on table, answer the bell, both the door bell and her mistress's bell, and usually assist the latter in dressing. She is expected to do part of the family mending, keeping table linen and bed linen in good condition, and in some households is expected to wash and iron the napkins and dish-towels, unless a laundress is employed.

The Cook's Work.—The cook must prepare the meals, and put the food into the proper dishes and these in the pantry, ready for the waitress, who is not expected to enter the kitchen during the service of a meal. She washes the dishes used in the kitchen and the meat dishes from the table; she must keep the kitchen and its adjuncts, including back stairs, refrigerator, back porch and closet in order. Her mistress plans the meals with her, and she is expected to make good and economical use of left-overs. She often does the ordering by telephone, and sees to the milk, ice, etc., as they are delivered.

Should Understand Duties.—Most of the difficulties between servants arise from misunderstanding of and friction about their respective duties. It is best to have a definite and thorough understanding as to the work expected of each before engaging her. Both cook and housemaid have one afternoon and one evening each week and every other Sunday afternoon. When one is off duty the other must necessarily assume part of her work. Some mistresses allow a girl the afternoon and evening of one day; others give one afternoon, and the evening of another day, requiring the cook to return to prepare dinner on her "day" and the maid to come back to serve it on hers. If afternoon and evening go together the cook is expected to leave everything in readiness for the evening meal; the cook, on the housemaid's day out, must wait upon the table.

Servants always respect a mistress who knows her rights, exacts them, and respects her servant's rights. She should permit no familiarities; at the same time she must not regard her household assistants as mere machines, beyond her sympathy, Good mistresses make good servants.

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The Nurse.—The nurse must wash and dress the children; keep their clothes in order, washing and ironing the finer articles; eat with them, keep the nursery in order; sleep in the room, or in a room adjoining them with the door open, and take care of them when they are ill. A nursery governess teaches them, and is excused from the laundry work and from keeping the nursery in order.

The mistress who can conduct her domestic menage with two servants only is usually better served and with less friction than where more are employed. Rarely can three servants get on harmoniously. The more servants there are, unless there is a housekeeper, the more shirking there is, and the more waste and extravagance.



SUMMARY.

Remember—

That, in introducing people the man must always be introduced to the woman.

That the younger woman, the unmarried, the less socially prominent, are introduced to the older, the married and the more renowned..

That to pronounce names distinctly avoids much awkwardness to those introduced.

A casual meeting on the street does not necessitate an introduction.

Never present yourself with a letter of introduction. Leave it at the door.

That a card represents a visit, and that leaving your name in this way makes your friend your debtor.

That after dinners, luncheons, theatre and card parties a call is required, whether the invitation is accepted or not.

An invitation to a wedding must be acknowledged by sending cards to those in whose name the invitation was issued, and may, if she so pleases, call on the bride on her return from her wedding journey.

One should send announcement cards rather than invitations to those with whom acquaintance is slight.

An invitation to afternoon tea does not require reply. Leave cards if present.

The etiquette of calling on an "at home" day does not differ from that of an ordinary call, save that some light refreshment is offered, as a rule.

That the bachelor and the widower should respond to every invitation whether accepted or declined, by calling and leaving cards, whereas the married man's wife may leave his cards with her own. Men ignore this rule a great deal, however.

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Cards must be engraved, never written or printed.

That a married woman uses her husband's full name on her cards; that a man's name always has the prefix Mr., and an unmarried woman's or young girl's that of Miss, and that "pet" names are not "good form" on cards.

The extreme limit of a call is twenty minutes, and the first caller to arrive should be the first to depart.

That you should not prolong your leave-taking.

That the lady invites the man to call, and being thus complimented he should soon avail himself of the permission.

It is the mother's place to invite young men to call, not the daughter's, though she may say "My mother would be pleased to have you call on us," The mother must then meet and assist, for a time at least, in entertaining him.

A first call must always be returned. Afterwards the acquaintance need not be continued.

"Not at home" is no discourtesy to a caller if she is so informed when the maid opens the door. The maid should know whether her mistress wishes to see callers or not.

P. p. c. on a card means "To take leave," and intimates your friend is leaving town for a season.

It is customary for mother and daughter to use a card on which hath names appear when calling together. A debutante, in our most conventional society, has no separate card of her own. If she calls without her mother, she uses this double card, running a pencil mark lightly through her mother's name.

Sisters may use a card in common; it should be engraved "The Misses Jones," and used when calling together or sending gifts.

The divorced woman, if she drops her husband's name by permission of the court, uses her maiden name on her cards, with the prefix Mrs. If she retains her husband's name, she usually combines her family name with it, as Mrs. Jones Brown.

A card should never be handed to a hostess or any member of the family. Lay it on the table. If a member of the family opens the door, a card need not be used, though one is often left as above.

At afternoon teas, receptions and "At Homes" the visitor leaves a card for the hostess on the tray in the hall, and one for the guest of honor, or the debutante if one is being introduced.

A card to an "At Home" or an afternoon reception does not require either acceptance or regret. If the person invited attends she leaves her card; if not, she sends it by mail to reach the home on the day of the reception.

[784 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

An invitation to a dinner must be answered immediately, and unconditionally accepted or declined.

If, having accepted, it becomes absolutely impossible to keep the engagement, the earliest possible notice must be given to the hostess.

It is unpardonable to be late at a dinner party. Arrivals are expected within ten minutes of the hour named.

One wears the best she has that is suitable for a dinner party.

The reply to an invitation must follow the style of the invitation. If formal, that is, in the third person, the reply must also be in the third person. If informal, the personal form being employed, the reply is also informal.

Do not send your card with "Regrets" written upon it, in response to any invitation, formal or informal.

Telephone invitations are admissible only for informal affairs. General invitations, given verbally, have no social footing. "Do come and dine with us some day," unless followed by a definite date or note of invitation, means nothing.

An invitation given by a man to dine or visit, or to a home entertainment, is not to be accepted unless seconded by his wife.

A girl, sending invitations to commencement exercises, encloses her card.

It is bad form to show that one feels slighted or affronted at not having been invited to any function, or not given the precedence one feels herself entitles to. The hostess, in her own home, obeys such rules as she believes correct.

A visitor is expected to contribute her share to the pleasure of the occasion by being conversationally agreeable.

If hostess, one must overlook every awkwardness on the part of the guest or servant, and any accident to one's belongings, but be deeply solicitous and apologetic if an accident happens to a guest,

The guest of honor at a dinner party should take leave first. Other departures follow speedily.

Remember—

That an invitation to spend a few days with a friend requires a speedy reply. It is not allowable to say one will come either earlier or later than the time specified.

A visitor should adapt herself to the ways of the household, be punctual at meals, and make no plans or arrangements without consulting her hostess.

She may not invite a friend of her own to a meal without requesting permission of her hostess.

She should be careful not to infringe upon the privileges and prerogatives of the man of the house.

MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 785

She may accept invitations in which the hostess is not included, but never without due consultation with her hostess.

She should show herself pleased with the efforts made to entertain her and enter into them readily.

She should leave promptly at the expiration of the time set for her visit. It is almost invariably a mistake to outstay the limit. If no limit was named in the invitation, she should, within a day or two of her arrival, state the date on which she will leave.

On her return home, her first duty is to write her hostess, announcing her arrival and expressing her pleasure in the visit. To omit this is a grave discourtesy. A hostess once said of a woman who failed in this particular: "We don't know whether she reached home or not; we never heard from her after she left."

On departure, maids or servants who have attended one should receive a gratuity, proportioned to the means of the visitor and the style of the establishment.

The hostess should arrange to have the visitor met, either meeting her in person at the station or being first to greet her on her arrival at the house.

Guest rooms should be in perfect order and equipped with every possible convenience for the comfort of visitors.

The hostess arranges whatever pleasures are possible for her guest's enjoyment, invites her friends to call on her, and probably gives a tea or reception in her honor.

Do not forget that it is ill-bred as well as unkind to discuss the family affairs of one's hostess with others; to criticise or complain of her arrangements; or gossip about her or her family.

Remember—

The announcement of an engagement comes from the family of the girl.

The parents and relatives of the bridegroom-elect should call on the girl and her mother, or if living in another city write cordial letters without delay.

The bride-elect should respond to these advances with cordiality.

She should try to make her future husband's family like her.

Etiquette is not relaxed in the case of an engaged couple. They do not make calls together except on relatives or very close friends. They may not make journeys together unchaperoned.

The cost of a wedding, whether at church or at home, is borne by the bride's family, the bridegroom paying for the wedding ring, the clergyman's fee, and the carriage in which the pair leave the church after the ceremony.

Though it may be necessary to limit the number of invitations to a wedding, announcement cards should be sent to all the friends and acquaintances of the two families.

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The "giving away" of a bride by her father is no mere form; it is a recognition of family authority, the claim of a father upon his daughter. It should therefore be a part of the ceremony.

Invitations to the church ceremony do not necessitate a wedding gift. Those invited to the reception may send gifts if they so desire.

Cards are usually removed from gifts, but in some cases are left on.

All gifts should be acknowledged before the ceremony if possible, by the bride herself.

If the bridegroom's parents live out of town, it is customary for the parents of the bride to invite them to their home as guests of the occasion. If this is not practicable, they may engage rooms for them at a hotel, paying the bill in advance.

It is thought unlucky to postpone a wedding. Better withdraw the invitations in case of severe illness or death, and have a quiet home ceremony with few present.

A bridal procession always moves up the central aisle of the church. In case there is no center aisle, it moves up one aisle and retires down the other. The relatives of the bridegroom are seated in the body of the church on the right; those of the bride are similarly placed on the left.

The hats of the father and ushers are left with the sexton in the vestibule and handed to them as they leave.

At a church wedding a bride almost invariably wears a veil. Her attendants wear hats. The maid-of-honor may wear a short veil.

The dress of the bridal party has already been fully described in a preceding chapter.

It is the custom for the bridegroom to give a gift, almost invariably a piece of jewelry, to his bride; and a small gift of silver or jewelry to each of the ushers and to the best man. The bride generally gives some souvenir of the same character to each of her attendants.

The bridegroom sends the bride her bouquet, and often one of violets or her favorite flower to the bride's mother.

The bride's father seems a rather subordinate figure at the fashionable wedding. After he has given away the bride, he retires into the background, escorting his wife to her carriage at the conclusion of the ceremony. He does not assist her in receiving the guests at the house, but circulates among them after congratulations have been tendered the newly wedded pair.

Formal afternoon dress is necessary for men who attend a day wedding, at church or at home. At an evening wedding they wear evening clothes.

After a wedding, the members of the bridal party are expected to call on the bride's mother within ten days or two weeks.

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A bridal party always stand with their backs to the audience, the clergyman facing it.

Remember—

That men's evening clothes are not worn before six o'clock.

That women wear their hats at afternoon functions, teas, luncheons, bridge parties, etc., and remove them at evening affairs.

That in society, personal affairs, servants, dress, household difficulties, "symptoms," illnesses and bereavements, are not to be made a subject of conversation.

It is not good form to talk of the cost of articles or mention money affairs in company.

The social aspirant should cultivate the art of saying polite nothings acceptably. Small talk is the small change of social life.

One should be prompt at dinner, a card-party or a musicale.

At a dancing-party the hostess does not dance, as a rule, during the first part of the evening. She receives her guests and sees that the women are provided with partners.

A man who dances should pay his hostess the courtesy of inviting her to dance. He should certainly dance with her daughter.

Engaged couples should be careful to avoid demonstrations of affection or preoccupation in each other while in company.

Remember—

That the salt-shaker is out of favor; the open salt cellar and the salt-spoon are much preferred.

Never cut bread; break it with the fingers. Never butter a large piece, or spread it in the palm of your hand.

The finger-bowl will be brought on a plate with a doily under it.

Lift both from the plate to the table. The plate is then ready for the fruit course.

Black coffee—cafe noir—is usually served without cream. Cut loaf sugar is passed with it.

If a visitor for one meal only, the napkin is not folded at the conclusion of a meal. If staying a day or two follow the practice of the hostess.

Creme de menthe is served before the coffee, in small liquor glasses.

Do not break bread or crackers into the soup nor tip the plate to obtain the last of it.

Do not play with crumbs, or finger knife or spoon.

Never touch a knife to fish or salad.

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Remember—

Do not move glass, spoon, etc., when the maid brushes the crumbs from the cloth.

Knife and fork are laid upon the plate, tines of the latter upward, when the plate is passed for a second helping. This "second help" is permitted only at family or informal dinners.

A host must not urge food upon a guest after it has once been declined.

Lift the cup or glass to the lips, instead of bending toward it. Do not throw the head back and raise the cup to get the last of its contents.

Remember—

To prepare a list of the members of the family who will go to the cemetery at a funeral, for the undertaker's guidance, arranging them in the order of the relationship.

Flowers should be sent early in the morning of the day of interment, or on the previous afternoon. Acknowledgment by note or verbally is expected.

A letter expressive of sympathy in a friend's bereavement should be sent immediately upon learning of a death.

During an illness, make inquiries at the door, leaving a card with "To inquire" written upon it. This apprises a friend of your interest in her troubles, yet makes no claim upon her time.

Men wear mourning bands on their hats, not on the coat sleeve. Borders on mourning stationery and cards should be narrow.

Invitations to receptions, weddings, and general entertainments, excepting dancing parties, balls and cotillions, are sent to people in mourning. A response on black bordered stationery sufficiently indicates the reason for non-acceptance.

Remember—

That the typewriter does not figure in social correspondence.

A neat, well written letter or note is a credit to the writer, and a compliment to her correspondent.

Avoid "fancy" or bizarre stationery. A good quality of white or cream paper, in several sizes, is indicative of refined taste.

The forms of address, under the head of "Letter forms" may be profitably studied.

Abbreviations are incorrect. Write out the name of the state on your envelope; otherwise it may go astray.

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To keep a dictionary on one's desk is a wise precaution unless one is sure of herself in regard to spelling.

Answer all notes of invitation promptly, and unconditionally; and all friendly letters within a reasonable time.

If you never say an unkind or hateful thing in a letter, you will never fear you may be some day condemned by your written evidence.

Don't keep old letters; it is unwise.

Avoid discussions on any subject on which people feel strongly, like politics and religion. Do not hold an argument in society.

Remember that good manners are made up of petty sacrifices, gracefully made.

A kind "no" is often more agreeable than a rough "yes." An assent, given grudgingly, is always ungracious.

Take note of this quotation: "Life is like a mirror. It reflects the face you bring to it. Look out lovingly upon the world and the world will look lovingly in upon you."

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BEAUTY AND THE TOILET

INCLUDING MANICURING, CARE OF THE COMPLEXION, TEETH, EYES, FEET, Etc.

"The one thing that woman prizes most is her beauty. Though she have none, she yet persuadeth herself that she possesses some charm upon which men's eyes rest admiringly."—Johnson.

"There is no wound a woman will not more willingly forget than a blow to her vanity."

Although woman's chief desire is to be beautiful, it is a historical fact that nearly every woman whose beauty has been renowned has either led an unhappy life or met a tragic fate. Strangely, too, the most famous attachments of which we have record have been inspired by women who were not only not beautiful, but who had some noticeable defect. So to be attractive, and to charm, it is not necessary to be beautiful. Beauty gives a woman a start in the race; her other qualities must enable her to keep her advantage.



THE FACE-HEALTH AS AN AID TO BEAUTY.

The first essential to good looks is good health. The clear complexion, the bright eyes, the lustrous hair that are such helps are born of good health rather than of creams and hair tonics. Health depends a good deal on wholesome diet and out-door exercise, which make pure blood. Pure air is invaluable. Country girls often have exquisite complexions because of the pure air they breathe—unless they eat too much heavy, greasy food.

Study hygiene, then, instead of relying upon "Bloom of Youth" and "Cream of Roses" as aids to a good complexion. Such things deceive no one, and by use ruin the skin, wrinkling and withering it. It is a good thing to drink plenty of water. A glass on retiring, another on rising, and a third an hour before the noon meal is little enough. Keep the stomach and bowels in good order.

BLACKHEADS.—The most frequent inquiry in the "beauty pages" of the papers is what to do for blackheads. In the first place, don't allow yourself to get them. Keep your face clean. A blackhead is simply a pore that is filled with oil and dirt. Sometimes they are as large as the head of a pin. When taken out they leave an enlargement known as a coarse pore. Do not steam the face to remove them. Wash the face well with soap and hot water; wring cloths out of hot water and hold to the face then massage with cold cream. Several treatments will soften them so they may be pinched out between the thumbs. Never attempt this treatment before going out; do it at night, before retiring.

Blackheads are a reflection upon one's personal cleanliness, therefore bathe the whole body often.

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PIMPLES.—Pimples are due to an impure condition of the blood, for which sulphur is a good remedy, taken internally and applied externally. One dram each of camphor and flowers of sulphur in four ounces of rose-water is a good lotion for external use. Do not pick or squeeze pimples, unless pus has formed in them. Nothing is more disgusting than a face broken out in pus-filled pimples. See a physician if thus afflicted.

FRECKLES.—These have been poetically called "the kisses of the sun," but no girl cares for evidences of that sort of affection. Prevention is easier than cure. Simple home remedies are lemon juice and glycerin, sour buttermilk, and elderflower soap used in bathing.

A well-known application is six grains of bichloride of mercury in one ounce each of glycerin and alcohol, and a few drops, say ten or twelve, of oil of lavender. The trouble is that after using these remedies the skin is delicate and freckles more easily.

The fad for going bareheaded has ruined many a girl's complexion.

SUNBURN.—Avoid it when possible. If going on the water, apply magnesia to the face rather thickly. If sunburned, rub the skin with cold cream, leaving it on as long as you can before using water on it. A wash that is good for tan and sunburn requires half an ounce of borax and an ounce of lemon juice in a pint of rose water.

CHAPPED HANDS AND FACE.—Many cases of "chaps" may be avoided by the simple precaution of wiping the face and hands perfectly dry. If the skin chaps easily keep at hand a bottle of glycerin and lemon juice mixed in about equal proportions, and after wiping rub a little on the hands. Before going out in the cold, rub a little cold cream or oil of sweet almonds over the face; leave it on a few minutes, rub off lightly with a dry towel and dust with rice powder. Camphor ice is good for chapped lips.



A PURE FACE CREAM.—Set a bowl in a basin of hot water over the fire. In it put a quarter of an ounce of white wax and two and a half ounces of spermaceti, and the same quantity of oil of sweet almonds. When melted and hot, add a pinch of borax and an ounce and a half of rose-water. Beat these ingredients with a silver fork, briskly, till the cream is cold. Warm the jar before filling it and keep in a cool place.

ANOTHER GOOD CREAM.—One ounce each of white wax and spermaceti; two ounces each of lanolin and cocoanut oil and four ounces of sweet almond oil. Melt in a double-boiler or a bowl set in hot water, and stir in two ounces of orange flower water and thirty drops of tincture of benzoin. Stir briskly till cold, and of the consistency of a thick paste. This is to be used at night, after thoroughly washing the face. It is a good cleansing cream also.

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WRINKLES.—It is a great deal easier to prevent wrinkles than it is to get rid of them after one has acquired them. A little study of women's faces will show how wrinkles, that no amount of massage will obliterate, are being made. They make perpendicular wrinkles between the eyes by drawing the brows together when sewing or reading, sometimes through habit and sometimes because of insufficient light. Some wrinkles are born of in-temper, of fretfulness, or sorrow. As the skin loses its elasticity, through age or ill-health, wrinkles come more and more easily. The best remedy for wrinkles is a light heart and a contented mind. Assist these with good, wholesome food that makes pure blood to feed the body, and render external aid through gentle massage and some good face cream and you have done the best you can. It is a good plan to some day take your hand-mirror with you as you go about your daily duties and watch the process of wrinkle-making. Say you are sewing and note the glass. Without changing your expression, take a look at yourself. The chance is it will be a revelation. You will realize why wrinkles come.

MASSAGE.—Unless properly done, massage may do more harm than good. If one can afford a few treatments by a scientific masseur and study her methods, it is a great help. The thing is not to rub in more than you rub out, by improper manipulation. Rub the face up, not down. This is because of the tendency of the muscles to sag.

Rub across, not with, the lines. Rub the "parentheses" around the month up and out, and give a rotary motion to the rubs given the checks, gently pinching and pulling them out.

But after all, there's nothing like good temper and steady nerves to prevent the tell-tale lines.

WRINKLED HANDS.—Wrinkled hands belong to age, and are due to loss of oil in the skin. After washing and wiping them, rub with a little cold cream or olive oil. Rub well into the skin. At night, use the cream or oil freely and put on a pair of old gloves.

Camphor is a good whitening agent for the hands, and a teaspoonful of spirits of camphor beaten into any greasy, cold cream will be beneficial. A piece of the gum camphor melted with the ointment blends more readily. A piece of camphor size of a walnut to two tablespoonfuls of the cream is about right proportions.

RED HANDS AND NOSE.—Sometimes a too tight corset, impeding the circulation of the blood, is responsible for the blemishes; sometimes poor circulation due to poor health. Cold feet may send the blood to the nose. Find out what is the cause and remove it. Local applications are ineffective.

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COLD OR FEVER SORES.—These unpleasant afflictions may be cured if taken at the first indication of what is coming—a smarting or burning sensation—by frequent applications of dilute spirits of camphor.

FACE POWDERS.—There are few women who do not at times have occasion to use face powder. A woman once remarked: "It isn't decent not to in summer—one looks so greasy without." There are many face powders on the market, some of which are comparatively harmless, while others are deleterious. The injury done by powder is that it fills the pores, stopping them up and thus clogging the skin. Many powders contain lead or bismuth, both of which are very injurious. Magnesia is drying. Rice powder is most harmless, but does not adhere. The most innocent powder is probably a preparation of French chalk. Weigh a box of powder in your hand before purchasing. If heavy, it doubtless contains lead, and should be refused. Find some powder that agrees with your skin and then buy that brand. Suit the color of the powder to your complexion. Don't use flesh tint if you are sallow, the "outlying regions" of neck and ears betray you.

TO USE POWDER.—Wash the face; rub a little cold cream over it, rubbing it in well, wipe with a dry towel, gently, then apply the powder with a chamois—a clean one. Do not keep it on unnecessarily. Remove by rubbing with the cleansing cream, then wash the face. Never go to bed with powder on your face.

LIQUID WHITENERS.—Avoid these. They are "whitewashes" that wither and wrinkle the skin and make it prematurely old. Almost without exception they contain lead in some form. Constant use may produce a facial paralysis due to lead poisoning. Moreover they deceive no one, and give an unpleasing impression as regards one's good sense.

ROUGE.—Well, don't do it. There may be a few who can have a rouge especially prepared that is the exact tint that harmonizes with the skin, the hair, the eyes, and can apply it so carefully as to look "natural." But ordinarily the deception is evident, and rouge in conjunction with liquid washes and penciled eyes and brows, suggest the aids employed by women of the demi-monde.

If any rouge is used, let it be the "Spanish lady's rouge" or crepons—bits of white woolen crepe dyed with an ammoniacal solution of carmine. These are gently rubbed on the skin to produce the required glow.

THE HAIR.—Beautiful hair is woman's crown of glory. Thousands of the sex wear it unbecomingly. They follow the latest fashion in arrangement without reference to whether it suits the lines of the face and head or otherwise. One should never be satisfied with a front view alone. Study the back, the sides, the lines produced, just as you study the becomingness of a hat from all angles. If a new fashion is unbecoming, either avoid it, or modify it into becomingness if you can. So many women make guys of themselves by a slavish devotion to the freaks of fashion.

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CARE OF THE HAIR.—The hair is kept in order by frequent brushings, which excite the natural oil by which it is fed, and by washing it. Dr. Leonard, an authority on the hair, says once a month is as often as the hair needs washing. As a shampoo, he advises yolk of egg, well rubbed into the scalp and roots of the hair, then washed out with tepid water and castile soap. A brisk rubbing with dry towels excites the blood-vessels of the scalp. There is no doubt that this simple shampoo is more beneficial than many new-fangled ones.

The hair should be taken down and well brushed every night, This removes dirt and makes it glossy. Use a brush with bristles as stiff as you can use without irritating the scalp too much, and keep it clean. Don't drag a fine comb through the hair. The proper comb has regular and even teeth, rounded, not sharp. If a tooth becomes split, remove it; it will break the hair. Wire brushes are nothing more or less than combs, and are not as good for the hair as good bristle brushes. Keep combs and brushes clean.

USE OF POMADES.—Hair that is dry and brittle really requires some oleaginous preparation, used in moderation. Yellow vaselin is good. Part the hair and rub it into the scalp with the tips of the fingers. A sufficient amount will find its way to the hair itself to relieve the dryness. Cocoanut oil is also good. Never apply anything of this kind to the hair itself, which is simply made greasy. The benefit should be to the roots. The application of vaselin may be made a couple of days before the monthly washing, or if the hair is very dry, may follow it. Remember not to overdo the matter. It does not follow that because a little is good, more is better.

A specialist on the hair who makes biennial trips abroad to advise himself as to the most recent methods and treatment, in a moment of confidence admitted to a customer that after all pure cold water was as good a hair tonic as he knew of. "Do not wet the hair." he said. "Dip the tips of your fingers in cold water and rub the scalp, wetting it and at the same time massaging it. Do this as faithfully as you would apply a tonic, and in all but certain exceptional cases it will be as beneficial.'

CLIPPING THE HAIR.—It is a good plan to clip the ends of the hair once a month to keep the growth even. If the hair splits, trim to a point above it, as the tendency is for the split to extend further up the hair-shaft.

DANDRUFF.—Dandruff is the scaling off of dead cuticle. In excess, it becomes a disease, forming so thick a scale as to kill the roots of the hair and cause it to fall out. It is rightly called "itch dirt." Cleanliness therefore helps a cure.

An old-fashioned recipe for dandruff calls for five ounces of bay rum, one ounce of olive oil, one ounce tincture of cantharides. Dr. Leonard advises free applications of sweet oil for the purpose of softening the scales, then a washing with warm water and castile soap, or the "green soap" of the pharmacy. If the disease is bad, or obstinate, apply a little oxide of zinc ointment.

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WASHING THE HAIR.—One suspects that those who advise washing the hair once a week have more of all eye to the increase of their business than to the welfare of their customers' hair. The egg shampoo has been advised. Use a soap made of vegetable oil if possible. Never rub soap in the hair, and be very careful to rinse thoroughly, to get all the soap out using hot water for washing, then graduating the temperature till the final douche of cold. Do not use ammonia, soda or borax on the hair.

COLOR OF THE HAIR.—Nature has suited the hair to the complexion in every case, and we cannot improve upon her idea of harmony. That is why any attempt to change the color is so unsatisfactory. The "bleached blonde" is always recognizable; so is the woman who dyes her faded locks in vain effort to retain her "youth." As the hair changes by natural processes the complexion changes to match it, so that we never get a chance to improve upon nature's handiwork.

In Elizabethan days, wigs were worn to harmonize or match with the costume. Queen Elizabeth had over eighty. Think of purple hair? Yet some dyes give a purple tinge to the locks.

DYED HAIR.—Dyed hair is a sorry makeshift at best. Far better let nature have her way. There is but one hair-dye that is not positively harmful, this is henna, and its use entails no end of trouble because it must be frequently renewed,—some use it every day.

To prepare the dye, get a quarter pound of henna leaves; to this add two quarts of cold water. Let stand on the back of the range where it will steep slowly for four or five hours. Add three ounces of alcohol and bottle. Apply with a tooth-brush. It gives a sort of reddish-brown color. Women whose hair is prematurely gray often use this, declaring their white hair prevents them from obtaining or holding business positions. But where hair has whitened prematurely there is always a freshness and vitality about eyes and complexion that bespeaks youth.

Physicians strongly deprecate the use of hair dyes. No matter how strenuously the label insists on "absolute harmlessness," the dye relies for its effectiveness upon the presence of lead in some chemical combination. The frequent application of lead to the scalp induces a certain dangerous form of poisoning, which results in paralysis. If "dye you must," pin your faith to henna.

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GRAY HAIR.—"The only thing to do with gray hair is to admire it." This is true. Nothing so sets off an aged face like the crown of silver. To color it is a great mistake. There is absolutely no cure for it; the one thing we can do is to make it a beauty. Gray hair is due to the exhaustion of the pigment or coloring cells of the hair, supposed to be occasioned by the lack of a regular supply of blood.

For the progressive whitening of the hair due to the advance of age, curative agents are rarely of any avail, especially if the trouble is hereditary. Not that gray hair and baldness are handed down from father to son, but that the peculiarities of constitution which produce them are inherent in both. Nervousness, neuralgia, a low physical condition, aid the falling and blanching of the hair, and the victim should build up the general system. Preparations of iron and sulphur, taken internally, are supposed to supply certain elements of growth and pigment-forming power to the hair.

A solution of iron for external application to the hair, calls for two drams each of citrate of iron and tincture of nux vomica, and one and one-half ounces each of cocoanut oil and bay rum. It may be mentioned here, that faithfulness in treatment means even more than the tonic applied. To gain any real benefit, one must be persistent in application.

Hair often turns gray "in streaks" to the chagrin of the victim. Or it whitens above the forehead and temples and remains dark at the back. Nothing can be done for this.

Gray hair should be kept scrupulously clean, and requires more frequent washing than hair that holds its color. A very little blueing in the rinsing water gives a purer, clearer white. For this use indigo, not the usual washing fluid which is made of Prussian blue. Five cents worth of indigo will last a lifetime.

A HAIR TONIC.—A lotion Dr. Leonard recommends for the hair, especially where it is coming out calls for two drams tincture cantharides, half an ounce nux vomica, one dram tincture capsicum, one and a half ounces castor oil, and two ounces of cologne. Apply with a bit of sponge twice a day.

A preparation which is tonic in its properties and is also said to darken gray hair, and which certainly contains nothing injurious, calls for one ounce of sage and a pint of boiling water, allowed to stand twenty-four hours in an iron pot, and then filtered through filtering papers.

Digest half an ounce of pine tar in a pint of water for forty-eight hours, stirring occasionally; filter, and put with the other fluid, then add one pint of bay rum, one ounce each of cologne and tincture of cantharides, two ounces of glycerin and ten ounces of distilled water. Apply daily, using a tonic brush.

THE HAIR AND HEALTH.—The condition of the hair is largely predicated on the condition of the general health. In health, it should be abundant, glossy and bright—"live"—in color. A low physical condition may make it look dry and dead, and induce falling out. Take care of the general health for the sake of the hair as well as for the sake of the complexion.

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THE HANDS.—One of the woman's continuous tasks is trying to keep her hands clean, and one thing that militates against their good looks is careless washing. They are washed indiscriminately in hot or cold water, the soap not properly rinsed off, nor the drying complete. To keep them soft and white, wash in soft, tepid water, dry thoroughly, then rub in a little cold cream or compound of glycerin, or fine cornmeal. Use rubber gloves in dish washing, and if you must have your hands in soapy water for a long time, after washing them in pure water rub over with a few drops of lemon juice or cider vinegar. This kills the potash in the soap that has been used.

CARE OF THE NAILS.—It is a luxury to have one's nails done by a manicure, and if one can not afford this, always, it is profitable to have it done a few times and carefully observe the process, because the nails are a very important part of the care of the hands.

Finger Nail Powder, Old Tried Remedy for—

"Violet Talcum Powder 1/2 ounce Pulverized Boric Acid 1/2 ounce Powdered Starch 1/2 ounce Tincture of Carmine 15 drops

If the nails become hard or brittle, immerse them in warm olive oil every night or rub vaselin into them."

IMPLEMENTS.—The tools required are a pair of manicure scissors, which have small curved blades; get a good pair of steel scissors, the silver are not so good; a package of emery boards, an orange-wood stick, a flexible nail file, a small bottle of peroxide of hydrogen for bleaching, a bit of pumice stone, a cake of polishing powder, a chamois covered "buffer" and a box of rosaline or other paste.

THE PROCESS.—The nails are to be shortened by filing, as cutting thickens them. The orange-wood stick is then dipped in peroxide and run under the nail to bleach, then the pumice stone, powdered, is used in the same way to cleanse. During this the left hand is soaking in tepid, soapy water. Of course, if you do your own manicuring you will go on with the right hand, waiting while the cuticle at the base of the nail softens. This is then anointed with a little cold cream or vaselin; the cuticle is loosened and trimmed if necessary,—do not trim if you can avoid it, as cutting thickens it. When both hands have been thus treated, they are again soaked a few minutes, then a little of the rosaline paste—a very little—is put on each nail, the buffer dipped in the polishing powder and the nails polished. The hands are then washed, rubbed dry, and the fingers gone over a second time in search of roughness of nail or cuticle; they are then polished again with a clean buffer, and may be sprayed with perfume from an atomizer.

MOUTH AND TEETH.—Many young people owe their homely mouths to infantile habits. Sucking the thumb, and these horrible "pacificators" or "baby comforters" are responsible for some ill-shaped mouths. A large mouth, if not malformed, is not ugly unless filled with bad teeth or set in a disagreeable expression. Thus, in a way, we mould this feature ourselves, to a considerable degree.

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CLEANSING THE TEETH.—A good brushing twice a day, using cold water and some pleasant antiseptic wash, like listerine, does much to keep the mouth and teeth clean. Particles of food lodged between the teeth should be removed with a bit of dental floss.

VISITS TO THE DENTIST.—Pain and expense are saved by consulting the dentist in good season. The smallest cavity should be filled as soon as discovered. At least once a year the teeth should be carefully examined by one's dentist; it would be better to go every six months. Let the dentist clean them and remove the tartar, if any, as commercial preparations often injure. Most dentists will save a tooth wherever possible. There is little excuse for bad teeth these days, since modern dentistry can work marvels.

CHILDREN'S TEETH.—On no account let a child's second teeth come in crowded, irregular or projecting. A good dentist can remedy all these malformations and though it may be troublesome at the time, the child, when grown, will blame you for not having relieved him of them. From babyhood, the child should be taught that cleansing the teeth is as important a part of the toilet as washing the hands.

THE EYES.—No gift is more precious than sight. Therefore take care of your eyes. Don't overstrain them, don't put anything in them, don't follow any casual prescription, nor use belladonna to brighten them. Consult an oculist, not an optician, if there is anything the matter with them. Bathe them in hot water when they feel tired and drawn. Eyesight is too precious to be tampered with. If a child is cross-eyed, a simple operation will straighten them, and it is a crime not to have it done.

EYELASHES AND EYEBROWS.—The best application for these is the simplest. Just a little yellow vaselin, which encourages growth. Don't clip, either. Frequent brushing will generally train the brows into a shapely line. A heavy, coarse hair may be pulled out with the fingers.

THE FEET.—The three most frequent evils to which the feet are heir are corns, bunions or enlarged joints, and chilblains. Ingrowing nails are much less common, but make up in painfulness.

CORNS.—Corns are of three kinds: callous spots, soft corns, and corns. Callous spots may be rubbed or pared down and rubbed with cocoa butter. Soft corns come between the toes and are very painful. Soak absorbent cotton in a little turpentine and put between the toes; or sprinkle the cotton with powdered alum. These corns are supposed to be due to moisture between the toes and are sometimes cured and often prevented by keeping absorbent cotton between the toes. Prevention saves a lot of suffering. "Just corns" are calloused spots with hard center; pressure on this causes pain. Soaking in hot water, and shaving off as much of the hardened skin as can be removed with safety, affords relief. The little hard core should be taken out.