Some were for setting up a King; But all the rest for no such thing, Unless KING JESUS. Others tamper'd For FLEETWOOD, DESBOROUGH, and LAMBERT; 270 Some for the Rump; and some, more crafty, For Agitators, and the safety; Some for the Gospel, and massacres Of Spiritual Affidavit-makers, That swore to any human regence, 275 Oaths of supremacy and allegiance; Yea, though the ablest swearing Saint That vouch'd the Bulls o' th' Covenant: Others for pulling down th' high-places Of Synods and Provincial Classes, 280 That us'd to make such hostile inroads Upon the Saints, like bloody NIMRODS Some for fulfilling prophecies, And th' expiration of th' excise And some against th' Egyptian bondage 285 Of holy-days, and paying poundage: Some for the cutting down of groves, And rectifying bakers' loaves: And some for finding out expedients Against the slav'ry of obedience. 290 Some were for Gospel Ministers, And some for Red-coat Seculars, As men most fit t' hold forth the word, And wield the one and th' other sword. Some were for carrying on the work 295 Against the Pope, and some the Turk; Some for engaging to suppress, The Camisado of surplices, That gifts and dispensations hinder'd, And turn'd to th' Outward Man the Inward; 300 More proper for the cloudy night Of Popery than Gospel Light. Others were for abolishing That tool of matrimony, a ring, With which th' unsanctify'd bridegroom 305 Is marry'd only to a thumb; (As wise as ringing of a pig, That us'd to break up ground, and dig;) The bride to nothing but her will, That nulls the after-marriage still 310 Some were for th' utter extirpation Of linsey-woolsey in the nation; And some against all idolizing The Cross in shops-books, or Baptizing Others to make all things recant 315 The Christian or Surname of Saint; And force all churches, streets, and towns, The holy title to renounce. Some 'gainst a Third Estate of Souls, And bringing down the price of coals: 320 Some for abolishing black-pudding, And eating nothing with the blood in; To abrogate them roots and branches; While others were for eating haunches Of warriors, and now and then, 325 The flesh of Kings and mighty men And some for breaking of their bones With rods of ir'n, by secret ones: For thrashing mountains, and with spells For hallowing carriers' packs and bells: 330 Things that the legend never heard of, But made the wicked sore afear'd of.

The quacks of Government (who sate At th' unregarded helm of State, And understood this wild confusion 335 Of fatal madness and delusion, Must, sooner than a prodigy, Portend destruction to be nigh) Consider'd timely how t' withdraw, And save their wind-pipes from the law; 340 For one rencounter at the bar Was worse than all th' had 'scap'd in war; And therefore met in consultation To cant and quack upon the nation; Not for the sickly patient's sake, 345 For what to give, but what to take; To feel the pulses of their fees, More wise than fumbling arteries: Prolong the snuff of life in pain, And from the grave recover — Gain. 350

'Mong these there was a politician With more heads than a beast in vision, And more intrigues in ev'ry one Than all the whores of Babylon: So politic, as if one eye 355 Upon the other were a spy, That, to trepan the one to think The other blind, both strove to blink; And in his dark pragmatick way, As busy as a child at play. 360 H' had seen three Governments run down, And had a hand in ev'ry one; Was for 'em and against 'em all, But barb'rous when they came to fall For, by trepanning th' old to ruin, 365 He made his int'rest with the new one Play'd true and faithful, though against His conscience, and was still advanc'd. For by the witchcraft of rebellion Transform'd t' a feeble state-camelion, 370 By giving aim from side to side, He never fail'd to save his tide, But got the start of ev'ry state, And at a change ne'er came too late; Cou'd turn his word, and oath, and faith, 375 As many ways as in a lath; By turning, wriggle, like a screw, Int' highest trust, and out, for new. For when h' had happily incurr'd, Instead of hemp, to be preferr'd, 380 And pass'd upon a government, He pay'd his trick, and out he went But, being out, and out of hopes To mount his ladder (more) of ropes, Wou'd strive to raise himself upon 385 The publick ruin, and his own; So little did he understand The desp'rate feats he took in hand. For when h' had got himself a name For fraud and tricks, he spoil'd his game; 390 Had forc'd his neck into a noose, To shew his play at fast and loose; And when he chanc'd t' escape, mistook For art and subtlety, his luck. So right his judgment was cut fit, 395 And made a tally to his wit, And both together most profound At deeds of darkness under-ground; As th' earth is easiest undermin'd By vermin impotent and blind. 400

By all these arts, and many more, H' had practis'd long and much before, Our state artificer foresaw Which way the world began to draw. For as old sinners have all points 405 O' th' compass in their bones and joints, Can by their pangs and aches find All turns and changes of the wind, And better than by NAPIER's bones Feel in their own the age of moons; 410 So guilty sinners in a state Can by their crimes prognosticate, And in their consciences feel pain Some days before a show'r of rain. He therefore wisely cast about, 415 All ways he cou'd, t' ensure his throat; And hither came, t' observe and smoke What courses other riskers took And to the utmost do his best To save himself, and hang the rest. 420 To match this Saint, there was another As busy and perverse a Brother, An haberdasher of small wares In politicks and state affairs; More Jew than Rabbi ACHITOPHEL, 425 And better gifted to rebel: For when h' had taught his tribe to 'spouse The Cause, aloft, upon one house, He scorn'd to set his own in order, But try'd another, and went further; 430 So suddenly addicted still To's only principle, his will, That whatsoe'er it chanc'd to prove, Nor force of argument cou'd move; Nor law, nor cavalcade of Holborn, 435 Could render half a grain less stubborn. For he at any time would hang For th' opportunity t' harangue; And rather on a gibbet dangle, Than miss his dear delight, to wrangle; 440 In which his parts were so accomplisht, That, right or wrong, he ne'er was non-plusht; But still his tongue ran on, the less Of weight it bore, with greater ease; And with its everlasting clack 445 Set all men's ears upon the rack. No sooner cou'd a hint appear, But up he started to picqueer, And made the stoutest yield to mercy, When he engag'd in controversy. 450 Not by the force of carnal reason, But indefatigable teazing; With vollies of eternal babble, And clamour, more unanswerable. For though his topics, frail and weak, 455 Cou'd ne'er amount above a freak, He still maintain'd 'em, like his faults, Against the desp'ratest assaults; And back'd their feeble lack of sense, With greater heat and confidence? 460 As bones of Hectors, when they differ, The more they're cudgel'd grow the stiffer. Yet when his profit moderated, The fury of his heat abated. For nothing but his interest 465 Cou'd lay his Devil of Contest. It was his choice, or chance; or curse, T' espouse the Cause for bett'r or worse, And with his worldly goods and wit, And soul and body, worship'd it: 470 But when he found the sullen trapes Possess'd with th' Devil, worms, and claps; The Trojan mare, in foal with Greeks, Not half so full of jadish tricks; Though squeamish in her outward woman, 475 As loose and rampant as Dol Common; He still resolv'd to mend the matter, T' adhere and cleave the obstinater; And still the skittisher and looser Her freaks appear'd, to sit the closer. 480 For fools are stubborn in their way, As coins are harden'd by th' allay: And obstinacy's ne'er so stiff As when 'tis in a wrong belief. These two, with others, being met, 485 And close in consultation set, After a discontented pause, And not without sufficient cause, The orator we nam'd of late, Less troubled with the pangs of State 490 Than with his own impatience, To give himself first audience, After he had a while look'd wise, At last broke silence, and the ice.

Quoth he, There's nothing makes me doubt 495 Our last out-goings brought about, More than to see the characters Of real jealousies and fears Not feign'd, as once, but, sadly horrid, Scor'd upon ev'ry Member's forehead; 500 Who, 'cause the clouds are drawn together, And threaten sudden change of weather, Feel pangs and aches of state-turns, And revolutions in their corns; And, since our workings-out are cross'd, 505 Throw up the Cause before 'tis lost. Was it to run away we meant, When, taking of the Covenant, The lamest cripples of the brothers Took oaths to run before all others; 510 But in their own sense only swore To strive to run away before; And now would prove, that words and oath Engage us to renounce them both? 'Tis true, the Cause is in the lurch, 515 Between a Right and Mungrel-Church; The Presbyter and Independent, That stickle which shall make an end on't; As 'twas made out to us the last Expedient — ( I mean Marg'ret's Fast,) 520 When Providence had been suborn'd, What answer was to be return'd. Else why should tumults fright us now, We have so many times come through? And understand as well to tame, 525 As when they serve our turns t'inflame: Have prov'd how inconsiderable Are all engagements of the rabble, Whose frenzies must be reconcil'd With drums and rattles, like a child; 530 But never prov'd so prosperous As when they were led on by us For all our scourging of religion Began with tumult and sedition; When hurricanes of fierce commotion 535 Became strong motives to devotion; (As carnal seamen, in a storm, Turn pious converts, and reform;) When rusty weapons, with chalk'd edges, Maintain'd our feeble privileges; 540 And brown-bills levy'd in the City, Made bills to pass the Grand Committee; When zeal, with aged clubs and gleaves, Gave chace to rochets and white sleeves, And made the Church, and State, and Laws, 545 Submit t' old iron and the Cause. And as we thriv'd by tumults then, So might we better now agen, If we knew how, as then we did, To use them rightly in our need: 550 Tumults, by which the mutinous Betray themselves instead of us. The hollow-hearted, disaffected, And close malignant are detected, Who lay their lives and fortunes down 555 For pledges to secure our own; And freely sacrifice their ears T' appease our jealousies and fears; And yet, for all these providences W' are offer'd, if we had our senses; 560 We idly sit like stupid blockheads, Our hands committed to our pockets; And nothing but our tongues at large, To get the wretches a discharge: Like men condemn'd to thunder-bolts, 565 Who, ere the blow, become mere dolts; Or fools besotted with their crimes, That know not how to shift betimes, And neither have the hearts to stay, Nor wit enough to run away; 570 Who, if we cou'd resolve on either, Might stand or fall at least together; No mean or trivial solace To partners in extreme distress; Who us'd to lessen their despairs, 575 By parting them int' equal shares; As if the more they were to bear, They felt the weight the easier; And ev'ry one the gentler hung, The more he took his turn among. 580 But 'tis not come to that, as yet, If we had courage left, or wit; Who, when our fate can be no worse, Are fitted for the bravest course; Have time to rally, and prepare 585 Our last and best defence, despair; Despair, by which the gallant'st feats Have been atchiev'd in greatest straits, And horrid'st danger safely wav'd, By being courageously out-brav'd; 590 As wounds by wider wounds are heal'd, And poisons by themselves expell'd: And so they might be now agen, If we were, what we shou'd be, men; And not so dully desperate, 595 To side against ourselves with Fate; As criminals, condemn'd to suffer, Are blinded first, and then turn'd over. This comes of breaking Covenants, And setting up Exauns of Saints, 600 That fine, like aldermen, for grace, To be excus'd the efficace. For Spiritual men are too transcendent, That mount their banks for Independent, To hang like MAHOMET in th' air, 605 Or St. IGNATIUS at his prayer, By pure geometry, and hate Dependence upon Church or State; Disdain the pedantry o' th' letter; And since obedience is better 610 (The Scripture says) than sacrifice, Presume the less on't will suffice; And scorn to have the moderat'st stints Prescrib'd their peremptory hints, Or any opinion, true or false, 615 Declar'd as such, in doctrinals But left at large to make their best on, Without b'ing call'd t' account or question, Interpret all the spleen reveals; As WHITTINGTON explain'd the bells; 620 And bid themselves turn back agen Lord May'rs of New Jerusalem; But look so big and over-grown, They scorn their edifiers t' own, Who taught them all their sprinkling lessons, 625 Their tones, and sanctified expressions Bestow'd their Gifts upon a Saint, Like Charity on those that want; And learn'd th' apocryphal bigots T' inspire themselves with short-hand notes; 630 For which they scorn and hate them worse Than dogs and cats do sow-gelders. For who first bred them up to pray, And teach, the House of Commons Way? Where had they all their gifted phrases, 635 But from our CALAMYS and CASES? Without whose sprinkling and sowing, Who e'er had heard of NYE or OWEN? Their dispensations had been stifled, But for our ADONIRAM BYFIELD; 640 And had they not begun the war, Th' had ne'er been sainted, as they are: For Saints in peace degenerate, And dwindle down to reprobate; Their zeal corrupts, like standing water, 645 In th' intervals of war and slaughter; Abates the sharpness of its edge, Without the power of sacrilege. And though they've tricks to cast their sins As easy as serpents do their skins, 650 That in a while grow out agen, In peace they turn mere carnal men, And from the most refin'd of saints, As naturally grow miscreants, As barnacles turn SOLAND geese 655 In th' Islands of the ORCADES. Their dispensation's but a ticket, For their conforming to the wicked; With whom the greatest difference Lies more in words, and shew, than sense. 660 For as the Pope, that keeps the gate Of Heaven, wears three crowns of state; So he that keeps the gate of Hell, Proud CERBERUS, wears three heads as well; And if the world has any troth 665 Some have been canoniz'd in both. But that which does them greatest harm, Their spiritual gizzards are too warm, Which puts the over-heated sots In fevers still, like other goats. 670 For though the Whore bends Hereticks With flames of fire, like crooked sticks, Our Schismaticks so vastly differ, Th' hotter th' are, they grow the stiffer; Still setting off their spiritual goods 675 With fierce and pertinacious feuds. For zeal's a dreadful termagant, That teaches Saints to tear and rant, And Independents to profess The doctrine of dependences: 680 Turns meek, and secret, sneaking ones, To raw-heads fierce and bloody-bones: And, not content with endless quarrels Against the wicked, and their morals, The GIBELLINES, for want of GUELPHS, 685 Divert their rage upon themselves. For now the war is not between The Brethren and the Men of Sin, But Saint and Saint, to spill the blood Of one another's brotherhood; 690 Where neither side can lay pretence To liberty of conscience, Or zealous suff'ring for the cause, To gain one groat's-worth of applause; For though endur'd with resolution, 695 'Twill ne'er amount to persecution. Shall precious Saints, and secret ones, Break one another's outward bones, And eat the flesh of Brethren, Instead of Kings and mighty men? 700 When fiends agree among themselves, Shall they be found the greatest elves? When BELL's at union with the DRAGON, And BAAL-PEOR friends with DAGON, When savage bears agree with bears, 705 Shall secret ones lug Saints by th' ears, And not atone their fatal wrath, When common danger threatens both? Shall mastiffs, by the coller pull'd, Engag'd with bulls, let go their hold, 710 And Saints, whose necks are pawn'd at stake, No notice of the danger take? But though no pow'r of Heav'n or Hell Can pacify phanatick zeal, Who wou'd not guess there might be hopes, 715 The fear of gallowses and ropes, Before their eyes, might reconcile Their animosities a while; At least until th' had a clear stage, And equal freedom to engage, 720 Without the danger of surprize By both our common enemies?

This none but we alone cou'd doubt, Who understand their workings out; And know them, both in soul and conscience, 725 Giv'n up t' as reprobate a nonsense As spiritual out-laws, whom the pow'r Of miracle can ne'er restore We, whom at first they set up under, In revelation only of plunder, 730 Who since have had so many trials Of their encroaching self-denials, That rook'd upon us with design To out-reform, and undermine; Took all our interest and commands 735 Perfidiously out of our hands; Involv'd us in the guilt of blood Without the motive gains allow'd, And made us serve as ministerial, Like younger Sons of Father BELIAL; 740 And yet, for all th' inhuman wrong Th' had done us and the Cause so long, We never fail to carry on The work still as we had begun; But true and faithfully obey'd 745 And neither preach'd them hurt, nor pray'd; Nor troubled them to crop our ears, Nor hang us like the cavaliers; Nor put them to the charge of gaols, To find us pill'ries and cart's-tails, 750 Or hangman's wages, which the State Was forc'd (before them) to be at, That cut, like tallies, to the stumps, Our ears for keeping true accompts, And burnt our vessels, like a new 755 Seal'd peck, or bushel, for b'ing true; But hand in hand, like faithful brothers, Held for the Cause against all others, Disdaining equally to yield One syllable of what we held, 760 And though we differ'd now and then 'Bout outward things, and outward men, Our inward men, and constant frame Of spirit, still were near the same; And till they first began to cant 765 And sprinkle down the Covenant, We ne'er had call in any place, Nor dream'd of teaching down free grace, But join'd our gifts perpetually Against the common enemy. 770 Although 'twas ours and their opinion, Each other's Church was but a RIMMON; And yet, for all this gospel-union, And outward shew of Church-communion, They'll ne'er admit us to our shares 775 Of ruling Church or State affairs; Nor give us leave t' absolve, or sentence T' our own conditions of repentance; But shar'd our dividend o' th' Crown, We had so painfully preach'd down; 780 And forc'd us, though against the grain, T' have calls to teach it up again: For 'twas but justice to restore The wrongs we had receiv'd before; And when 'twas held forth in our way, 785 W' had been ungrateful not to pay; Who, for the right w' have done the nation, Have earn'd our temporal salvation; And put our vessels in a way Once more to come again in play. 790 For if the turning of us out Has brought this Providence about, And that our only suffering Is able to bring in the King, What would our actions not have done, 795 Had we been suffer'd to go on? And therefore may pretend t' a share, At least; in carrying on th' affair. But whether that be so, or not, W' have done enough to have it thought; 800 And that's as good as if w' had done't, And easier pass't upon account: For if it be but half deny'd, 'Tis half as good as justifi'd. The world is nat'rally averse 805 To all the truth it sees or hears But swallows nonsense, and a lie, With greediness and gluttony And though it have the pique, and long, 'Tis still for something in the wrong; 810 As women long, when they're with child, For things extravagant and wild; For meats ridiculous and fulsome, But seldom any thing that's wholesome; And, like the world, men's jobbernoles 815 Turn round upon their ears, the poles; And what they're confidently told, By no sense else can be control'd. And this, perhaps, may prove time means Once more to hedge-in Providence, 820 For as relapses make diseases More desp'rate than their first accesses, If we but get again in pow'r, Our work is easier than before And we more ready and expert 825 I' th' mystery to do our part. We, who did rather undertake The first war to create than make, And when of nothing 'twas begun, Rais'd funds as strange to carry 't on; 830 Trepann'd the State, and fac'd it down With plots and projects of our own; And if we did such feats at first, What can we now we're better vers'd? Who have a freer latitude, 835 Than sinners give themselves, allow'd, And therefore likeliest to bring in, On fairest terms, our discipline; To which it was reveal'd long since, We were ordain'd by Providence; 840 When three Saints Ears, our predecessors, The Cause's primitive Confessors, B'ing crucify'd, the nation stood In just so many years of blood; That, multiply'd by six, exprest 845 The perfect number of the beast, And prov'd that we must be the men To bring this work about agen; And those who laid the first foundation, Compleat the thorough Reformation: 850 For who have gifts to carry on So great a work, but we alone? What churches have such able pastors, And precious, powerful, preaching masters? Possess'd with absolute dominions 855 O'er brethren's purses and opinions? And trusted with the double keys Of Heaven and their warehouses; Who, when the Cause is in distress, Can furnish out what sums they please, 860 That brooding lie in bankers' hands, To be dispos'd at their commands; And daily increase and multiply, With doctrine, use, and usury: Can fetch in parties (as in war 865 All other heads of cattle are) From th' enemy of all religions, As well as high and low conditions, And share them, from blue ribbands, down To all blue aprons in the town; 870 From ladies hurried in calleches, With cor'nets at their footmens' breeches, To bawds as fat as Mother Nab; All guts and belly, like a crab. Our party's great, and better ty'd 875 With oaths and trade than any side, Has one considerable improvement, To double fortify the Cov'nant: I mean our Covenant to purchase Delinquents titles, and the Churches; 880 That pass in sale, from hand to hand, Among ourselves, for current land; And rise or fall, like Indian actions, According to the rate of factions Our best reserve for Reformation, 885 When new out-goings give occasion; That keeps the loins of Brethren girt The Covenant (their creed) t' assert; And when th' have pack'd a Parliament, Will once more try th' expedient: 890 Who can already muster friends, To serve for members, to our ends, That represent no part o' th' nation, But Fisher's-Folly Congregation; Are only tools to our intrigues, 895 And sit like geese to hatch our eggs; Who, by their precedents of wit, T' out-fast, out-loiter, and out-sit, Can order matters underhand, To put all bus'ness to a stand; 900 Lay publick bills aside for private, And make 'em one another drive out; Divert the great and necessary, With trifles to contest and vary; And make the Ration represent, 905 And serve for us, in Parliament Cut out more work than can be done. In PLATO'S year, but finish none; Unless it be the Bulls of LENTHAL, That always pass'd for fundamental; 910 Can set up grandee against grandee, To squander time away, and bandy; Make Lords and Commoners lay sieges To one another's privileges, And, rather than compound the quarrel, 915 Engage to th' inevitable peril Of both their ruins; th' only scope And consolation of our hope; Who though we do not play the game, Assist as much by giving aim: 920 Can introduce our ancient arts, For heads of factions t' act their parts; Know what a leading voice is worth, A seconding, a third, or fourth How much a casting voice comes to, 925 That turns up trump, of ay, or no; And, by adjusting all at th' end, Share ev'ry one his dividend An art that so much study cost, And now's in danger to be lost, 930 Unless our ancient virtuosos, That found it out, get into th' Houses. These are the courses that we took To carry things by hook or crook; And practis'd down from forty-four, 935 Until they turn'd us out of door Besides the herds of Boutefeus We set on work without the House; When ev'ry knight and citizen Kept legislative journeymen, 940 To bring them in intelligence From all points of the rabble's sense, And fill the lobbies of both Houses With politick important buzzes: Set committees of cabals, 945 To pack designs without the walls; Examine, and draw up all news, And fit it to our present use. Agree upon the plot o' th' farce, And ev'ry one his part rehearse, 950 Make Q's of answers, to way-lay What th' other pasties like to say What repartees, and smart reflections, Shall be return'd to all objections; And who shall break the master-jest, 955 And what, and how, upon the rest Held pamphlets out, with safe editions, Of proper slanders and seditions; And treason for a token send, By Letter to a Country Friend; 960 Disperse lampoons, the only wit That men, like burglary, commit; Wit falser than a padder's face, That all its owner does betrays; Who therefore dares not trust it when 965 He's in his calling to be seen; Disperse the dung on barren earth, To bring new weeds of discord forth; Be sure to keep up congregations, In spight of laws and proclamations: 970 For Charlatans can do no good Until they're mounted in a crowd; And when they're punish'd, all the hurt Is but to fare the better for't; As long as confessors are sure 975 Of double pay for all th' endure; And what they earn in persecution, Are paid t' a groat in contribution. Whence some Tub-Holders-forth have made In powd'ring-tubs their richest trade; 980 And while they kept their shops in prison, Have found their prices strangely risen. Disdain to own the least regret For all the Christian blood w' have let; 'Twill save our credit, and maintain 985 Our title to do so again; That needs not cost one dram of sense, But pertinacious impudence. Our constancy t' our principles, In time will wear out all things else; 990 Like marble statues rubb'd in pieces With gallantry of pilgrims' kisses; While those who turn and wind their oaths, Have swell'd and sunk, like other froths; Prevail'd a while, but 'twas not long 995 Before from world to world they swung: As they had turn'd from side to side, And as the changelings liv'd, they dy'd.

This said, th' impatient States-monger Could now contain himself no longer; 1000 Who had not spar'd to shew his piques Against th' haranguer's politicks, With smart remarks of leering faces, And annotations of grimaces. After h' had administer'd a dose 1005 Of snuff-mundungus to his nose, And powder'd th' inside of his skull, Instead of th' outward jobbernol, He shook it with a scornful look On th' adversary, and thus he spoke: 1010

In dressing a calves head, although The tongue and brains together go, Both keep so great a distance here, 'Tis strange if ever they come near; For who did ever play his gambols 1015 With such insufferable rambles To make the bringing in the KING, And keeping of him out, one thing? Which none could do, but those that swore T' as point-plank nonsense heretofore: 1020 That to defend, was to invade; And to assassinate, to aid Unless, because you drove him out, (And that was never made a doubt,) No pow'r is able to restore, 1025 And bring him in, but on your score A spiritual doctrine, that conduces Most properly to all your uses. 'Tis true, a scorpions oil is said To cure the wounds the vermine made; 1030 And weapons, drest with salves, restore And heal the hurts they gave before; But whether Presbyterians have So much good nature as the salve, Or virtue in them as the vermine, 1035 Those who have try'd them can determine. Indeed, 'th pity you should miss Th' arrears of all your services, And for th' eternal obligation Y' have laid upon th' ungrateful nation, 1040 Be us'd so unconscionably hard, As not to find a just reward, For letting rapine loose, and murther, To rage just so far, but no further; And setting all the land on fire, 1045 To burn't to a scantling, but no higher; For vent'ring to assassinate, And cut the throats, of Church and State, And not be allow'd the fittest men To take the charge of both agen: 1050 Especially, that have the grace Of self-denying, gifted face; Who when your projects have miscarry'd, Can lay them, with undaunted forehead, On those you painfully trepann'd, 1055 And sprinkled in at second hand; As we have been, to share the guilt Of Christian Blood, devoutly spilt; For so our ignorance was flamm'd To damn ourselves, t' avoid being damn'd; 1060 Till finding your old foe, the hangman, Was like to lurch you at back-gammon And win your necks upon the set, As well as ours, who did but bet, (For he had drawn your ears before, 1065 And nick'd them on the self-same score,) We threw the box and dice away, Before y' had lost us, at foul play; And brought you down to rook, and lie, And fancy only, on the by; 1070 Redeem'd your forfeit jobbernoles From perching upon lofty poles; And rescu'd all your outward traitors From hanging up like aligators; For which ingeniously y' have shew'd 1075 Your Presbyterian gratitude: Would freely have paid us home in kind, And not have been one rope behind. Those were your motives to divide, And scruple, on the other side. 1080 To turn your zealous frauds, and force, To fits of conscience and remorse; To be convinc'd they were in vain, And face about for new again; For truth no more unveil'd your eyes, 1085 Than maggots are convinc'd to flies And therefore all your lights and calls Are but apocryphal and false, To charge us with the consequences Of all your native insolences, 1090 That to your own imperious wills Laid Law and Gospel neck and heels; Corrupted the Old Testament, To serve the New for precedent T' amend its errors, and defects, 1095 With murther, and rebellion texts; Of which there is not any one In all the Book to sow upon And therefore (from your tribe) the Jews Held Christian doctrine forth, and use; 1100 As Mahomet (your chief) began To mix them in the Alchoran: Denounc'd and pray'd, with fierce devotion, And bended elbows on the cushion; Stole from the beggars all your tones, 1105 And gifted mortifying groans; Had Lights where better eyes were blind, As pigs are said to see the wind Fill'd Bedlam with predestination, And Knights-bridge with illumination: 1110 Made children, with your tones, to run for't, As bad as bloody-bones, or LUNSFORD: While women, great with child, miscarry'd, For being to malignants marry'd Transform'd all wives to DALILAHS 1115 Whose husbands were not for the Cause; And turn'd the men to ten horn'd cattle, Because they came not out to battle Made taylors' prentices turn heroes, For fear of being transform'd to MEROZ: 1120 And rather forfeit their indentures, Than not espouse the Saints' adventures. Could transubstantiate, metamorphose, And charm whole herds of beasts, like Orpheus; Inchant the King's and Churches lands 1125 T' obey and follow your commands; And settle on a new freehold, As MARCLY-HILL had done of old: Could turn the Covenant, and translate The gospel into spoons and plate: 1130 Expound upon all merchants' cashes, And open th' intricatest places Could catechize a money-box, And prove all powches orthodox; Until the Cause became a DAMON, 1135 And PYTHIAS the wicked Mammon.

And yet, in spight of all your charms To conjure legion up in arms, And raise more devils in the rout Than e'er y' were able to cast out, 1140 Y' have been reduc'd, and by those fools Bred up (you say) in your own schools; Who, though but gifted at your feet, Have made it plain, they have more wit; By whom y' have been so oft trepann'd, 1145 And held forth out of all command, Out-gifted, out-impuls'd, out-done, And out-reveal'd at carryings-on; Of all your dispensations worm'd, Out-Providenc'd, and out-reform'd; 1150 Ejected out of Church and State, And all things, but the peoples' hate; And spirited out of th' enjoyments Of precious, edifying employments, By those who lodg'd their Gifts and Graces, 1155 Like better bowlers, in your places; All which you bore with resolution, Charg'd on th' accompt of persecution; And though most righteously opprest, Against your wills, still acquiesc'd; 1160 And never hum'd and hah'd sedition, Nor snuffled treason, nor misprision. That is, because you never durst; For had you preach'd and pray'd your worst, Alas! you were no longer able 1165 To raise your posse of the rabble: One single red-coat centinel Out-charm'd the magick of the spell; And, with his squirt-fire, could disperse Whole troops with chapter rais'd and verse. 1170 We knew too well those tricks of yours, To leave it ever in your powers; Or trust our safeties, or undoings, To your disposing of out-goings; Or to your ordering Providence, 1175 One farthing's-worth of consequence. For had you pow'r to undermine, Or wit to carry a design, Or correspondence to trepan, Inveigle, or betray one man, 1180 There's nothing else that intervenes, And bars your zeal to use the means And therefore wond'rous like, no doubt, To bring in Kings, or keep them out. Brave undertakers to restore, 1185 That cou'd not keep yourselves in pow'r; T' advance the int'rests of the Crown, That wanted wit to keep your own.

'Tis true, you have (for I'd be loth To wrong ye) done your parts in both, 1190 To keep him out, and bring him in, As grace is introduc'd by sin; For 'twas your zealous want of sense, And sanctify'd impertinence, Your carrying business in a huddle, 1195 That forc'd our rulers to new-model; Oblig'd the State to tack about, And turn you, root and branch, all out; To reformado, one and all, T' your great Croysado General. 1200 Your greedy slav'ring to devour, Before 'twas in your clutches, pow'r, That sprung the game you were to set, Before y' had time to draw the net; Your spight to see the Churches' lands 1205 Divided into other hands, And all your sacrilegious ventures Laid out in tickets and debentures; Your envy to he sprinkled down, By Under-Churches in the town; 1210 And no course us'd to stop their mouths, Nor th' Independents' spreading growths All which consider'd, 'tis most true None bring him in so much as you Who have prevail'd beyond their plots, 1215 Their midnight juntos, and seal'd knots That thrive more by your zealous piques, Than all their own rash politicks And you this way may claim a share In carrying (as you brag) th' affair; 1220 Else frogs and toads, that croak'd the Jews From PHARAOH and his brick-kilns loose, And flies and mange, that set them free From task-masters and slavery, Were likelier to do the feat, 1225 In any indiff'rent man's conceit For who e'er heard of restoration Until your thorough Reformation? That is, the King's and Churches' land Were sequester'd int' other hands: 1230 For only then, and not before, Your eyes were open'd to restore. And when the work was carrying on, Who cross'd it, but yourselves alone? As by a world of hints appears, 1235 All plain and extant as your ears.

But first, o' th' first: The Isle of WIGHT Will rise up, if you should deny't; Where HENDERSON, and th' other masses, Were sent to cap texts, and put cases; 1240 To pass for deep and learned scholars, Although but paltry Ob and Sollers: As if th' unseasonable fools Had been a coursing in the schools; Until th' had prov'd the Devil author 1245 O' th' Covenant, and the Cause his daughter, For when they charg'd him with the guilt Of all the blood that had been spilt, They did not mean he wrought th' effusion, In person, like Sir PRIDE, or HUGHSON, 1250 But only those who first begun The quarrel were by him set on; And who could those be but the Saints, Those Reformation Termagants? But e'er this pass'd, the wise debate 1255 Spent so much time, it grew too late; For OLIVER had gotten ground, T' inclose him with his warriors round Had brought his Providence about, And turn'd th' untimely sophists out, 1260 Nor had the UXBRIDGE bus'ness less Of nonsense in't, or sottishness, When from a scoundrel Holder-forth, The scum as well as son o' th' earth, Your mighty Senators took law; 1265 At his command, were forc'd t' withdraw, And sacrifice the peace o' th' nation To doctrine, use and application. So when the SCOTS, your constant cronies, Th' espousers of your Cause and monies, 1270 Who had so often, in your aid, So many ways been soundly paid, Came in at last for better ends, To prove themselves your trusty friends, You basely left them, and the Church 1275 They train'd you up to, in the lurch, And suffer'd your own tribe of Christians To fall before, as true Philistines. This shews what utensils y' have been, To bring the King's concernments in; 1280 Which is so far from being true, That none but he can bring in you: And if he take you into trust, Will find you most exactly just: Such as will punctually repay 1285 With double interest, and betray.

Not that I think those pantomimes, Who vary action with the times, Are less ingenious in their art, Than those who dully act one part; 1290 Or those who turn from side to side, More guilty than the wind and tide. All countries are a wise man's home, And so are governments to some, Who change them for the same intrigues 1295 That statesmen use in breaking leagues; While others, in old faiths and troths, Look odd as out-of-fashion'd cloths; And nastier in an old opinion, Than those who never shift their linnen. 1300

For true and faithful's sure to lose, Which way soever the game goes; And whether parties lose or win, Is always nick'd, or else hedg'd in: While pow'r usurp'd, like stol'n delight, 1305 Is more bewitching than the right; And when the times begin to alter, None rise so high as from the halter.

And so may we, if w' have but sense To use the necessary means; 1310 And not your usual stratagems On one another, Lights and Dreams To stand on terms as positive, As if we did not take, but give: Set up the Covenant on crutches, 1315 'Gainst those who have us in their clutches, And dream of pulling churches down, Before w' are sure to prop our own: Your constant method of proceeding, Without the carnal mans of heeding; 1320 Who 'twixt your inward sense and outward, Are worse, than if y' had none, accoutred. I grant, all courses are in vain, Unless we can get in again; The only way that's left us now; 1325 But all the difficulty's, How? 'Tis true, w' have money, th' only pow 'r That all mankind falls down before; Money, that, like the swords of kings, Is the last reason of all things; 1330 And therefore need not doubt our play Has all advantages that way; As long as men have faith to sell, And meet with those that can pay well; Whose half-starv'd pride, and avarice, 1335 One Church and State will not suffice T' expose to sale, beside the wages Of storing plagues to after-ages. Nor is our money less our own, Than 'twas before we laid it down; 1340 For 'twill return, and turn t' account, If we are brought, in play upon't: Or but, by casting knaves, get in, What pow 'r can hinder us to win? We know the arts we us'd before, 1345 In peace and war, and something more; And by th' unfortunate events, Can mend our next experiments: For when w' are taken into trust, How easy are the wisest choust? 1350 Who see but th' outsides of our feats, And not their secret springs and weights; And while they're busy at their ease, Can carry what designs we please. How easy is it to serve for agents, 1355 To prosecute our old engagements? To keep the Good Old Cause on foot, And present power from taking root? Inflame them both with false alarms Of plots and parties taking arms; 1360 To keep the Nation's wounds too wide From healing up of side to side; Profess the passionat'st concerns For both their interests by turns; The only way to improve our own, 1365 By dealing faithfully with none; (As bowls run true, by being made On purpose false, and to be sway'd:) For if we should be true to either, 'Twould turn us out of both together; 1370 And therefore have no other means To stand upon our own defence, But keeping up our ancient party In vigour, confident and hearty: To reconcile our late dissenters, 1375 Our brethren, though by other venters; Unite them, and their different maggots, As long and short sticks are in faggots, And make them join again as close As when they first began t' espouse; 1380 Erect them into separate New Jewish tribes, in Church and State; To join in marriage and commerce, And only among themselves converse; And all that are not of their mind, 1385 Make enemies to all mankind: Take all religions in and stickle From Conclave down to Conventicle; Agreeing still, or disagreeing, According to the Light in being. 1390 Sometimes for liberty of conscience, And spiritual mis-rule, in one sense; But in another quite contrary, As dispensations chance to vary; And stand for, as the times will bear it, 1395 All contradictions of the Spirit: Protect their emissaries, empower'd To preach sedition and the word; And when they're hamper'd by the laws, Release the lab'rers for the Cause, 1400 And turn the persecution back On those that made the first attack; To keep them equally in awe, From breaking or maintaining law: And when they have their fits too soon, 1405 Before the full-tides of the moon, Put off their zeal t' a fitter season For sowing faction in and treason; And keep them hooded, and their Churches, Like hawks from baiting on their perches, 1410 That, when the blessed time shall come Of quitting BABYLON and ROME, They may be ready to restore Their own Fifth Monarchy once more.

Meanwhile be better arm'd to fence 1415 Against revolts of Providence. By watching narrowly, and snapping All blind sides of it, they happen For if success could make us Saints, Or ruin turn'd us miscreants: 1420 A scandal that wou'd fall too hard Upon a few, and. unprepar'd.

These are the courses we must run, Spight of our hearts, or be undone; And not to stand on terms and freaks, 1425 Before we have secur'd our necks; But do our work, as out of sight, As stars by day, and suns by night; All licence of the people own, In opposition to the Crown; 1430 And for the Crown as fiercely side, The head and body to divide; The end of all we first design'd, And all that yet remains behind Be sure to spare no publick rapine, 1435 On all emergencies, that happen; For 'tis as easy to supplant Authority as men in want; As some of us, in trusts, have made The one hand with the other trade; 1440 Gain'd vastly by their joint endeavour; The right a thief; the left receiver; And what the one, by tricks, forestall'd, The other, by as sly, retail'd. For gain has wonderful effects 1445 T' improve the Factory of Sects; The rule of faith in all professions. And great DIANA of the EPHESIANS; Whence turning of Religion's made The means to turn and wind a trade: 1450 And though some change it for the worse, They put themselves into a course; And draw in store of customers, To thrive the better in commerce: For all Religions flock together, 1455 Like tame and wild fowl of a feather; To nab the itches of their sects, As jades do one another's necks. Hence 'tis, Hypocrisy as well Will serve t' improve a Church as ZEAL: 1460 As Persecution or Promotion, Do equally advance Devotion.

Let business, like ill watches, go Sometime too fast, sometime too slow; For things in order are put out 1465 So easy, Ease itself will do't; But when the feat's design'd and meant, What miracle can bar th' event? For 'tis more easy to betray, Than ruin any other way. 1470 All possible occasions start The weighty'st matters to divert; Obstruct, perplex, distract, intangle, And lay perpetual trains to wrangle. But in affairs of less import, 1475 That neither do us good nor hurt, And they receive as little by, Out-fawn as much, and out-comply; And seem as scrupulously just, To bait our hooks for greater trust; 1480 But still be careful to cry down All publick actions, though our own: The least miscarriage aggravate, And charge it all upon the Sate; Express the horrid'st detestation, 1485 And pity the distracted nation Tell stories scandalous and false, I' th' proper language of cabals, Where all a subtle statesman says, Is half in words, and half in face; 1490 (As Spaniards talk in dialogues Of heads and shoulders, nods and shrugs:) Entrust it under solemn vows Of mum, and silence, and the rose, To be retail'd again in whispers, 1495 For th' easy credulous to disperse.

Thus far the Statesman — When a shout, Heard at a distance, put him out; And straight another, all aghast, Rush'd in with equal fear and haste; 1500 Who star'd about, as pale as death, And, for a while, as out of breath; Till having gather'd up his wits, He thus began his tale by fits.

That beastly rabble — that came down 1505 From all the garrets — in the town, And stalls, and shop-boards — in vast swarms, With new-chalk'd bills — and rusty arms, To cry the Cause — up, heretofore, And bawl the BISHOPS — out of door, 1510 Are now drawn up — in greater shoals, To roast — and broil us on the coals, And all the Grandees — of our Members Are carbonading — on the embers; Knights, Citizens, and Burgesses — 1515 Held forth by Rumps — of Pigs and Geese, That serve for Characters — and Badges. To represent their Personages: Each bonfire is a funeral pile, In which they roast, and scorch, and broil, 1520 And ev'ry representative Have vow'd to roast — and broil alive:

And 'tis a miracle, we are not Already sacrific' d incarnate. For while we wrangle here, and jar, 1525 W' are grilly'd all at TEMPLE-BAR: Some on the sign-post of an ale-house, Hang in effigy, on the gallows; Made up of rags, to personate Respective Officers of State; 1530 That henceforth they may stand reputed, Proscrib'd in law, and executed; And while the Work is carrying on Be ready listed under DON, That worthy patriot, once the bellows, 1535 And tinder-box, of all his fellows; The activ'st Member of the Five, As well as the most primitive; Who, for his faithful service then Is chosen for a Fifth agen: 1540 (For since the State has made a Quint Of Generals, he's listed in't.) This worthy, as the world will say, Is paid in specie, his own way; For, moulded to the life in clouts, 1545 Th' have pick'd from dung-hills hereabouts, He's mounted on a hazel bavin, A cropp'd malignant baker gave 'm; And to the largest bone-fire riding, They've roasted COOK already and PRIDE in; 1550 On whom in equipage and state, His scarecrow fellow-members wait, And march in order, two and two, As at thanksgivings th' us'd to do; Each in a tatter'd talisman, 1555 Like vermin in effigie slain.

But (what's more dreadful than the rest) Those Rumps are but the tail o' th' Beast, Set up by Popish engineers, As by the crackers plainly appears; 1560 For none but Jesuits have a mission To preach the faith with ammunition, And propagate the Church with powder: Their founder was a blown-up Soldier. These spiritual pioneers o' th' Whore's, 1565 That have the charge of all her stores, Since first they fail'd in their designs, To take in Heav'n by springing mines, And with unanswerable barrels Of gunpowder dispute their quarrels, 1570 Now take a course more practicable, By laying trains to fire the rabble, And blow us up in th' open streets, Disguis'd in Rumps, like Sambenites; More like to ruin, and confound, 1575 Than all the doctrines under ground.

Nor have they chosen Rumps amiss For symbols of State-mysteries; Though some suppose 'twas but to shew How much they scorn'd the Saints, the few; 1580 Who, 'cause they're wasted to the stumps, Are represented best by Rumps. But Jesuits have deeper reaches In all their politick far-fetches, And from the Coptick Priest, Kircherus, 1585 Found out this mystick way to jeer us. For, as th' Egyptians us'd by bees T' express their antick PTOLOMIES; And by their stings, the swords they wore, Held forth authority and power; 1590 Because these subtil animals Bear all their int'rests in their tails; And when they're once impar'd in that, Are banish'd their well-order'd state; They thought all governments were best 1595 By Hieroglyphick Rumps exprest.

For, as in bodies natural, The rump's the fundament of all; So, in a commonwealth, or realm, The government is call'd the helm; 1600 With which, like vessels under sail, They're turn'd and winded by the tail; The tail, which birds and fishes steer Their courses with through sea and air; To whom the rudder of the rump is 1605 The same thing with the stern and compass. This shews how perfectly the Rump And Commonwealth in nature jump. For as a fly, that goes to bed, Rests with his tail above his head, 1610 So in this mungrel state of ours; The rabble are the supreme powers; That hors'd us on their backs, to show us A jadish trick at last, and throw us.

The learned Rabbins of the Jews 1615 Write there's a bone, which they call leuz, I' th' rump of man, of such a virtue, No force in nature can do hurt to; And therefore at the last great day, All th' other members shall, they say, 1620 Spring out of this, as from a seed All sorts of vegetals proceed; From whence the learned sons of art Os Sacrum justly stile that part. Then what can better represent 1625 Than this Rump Bone the Parliament; That, alter several rude ejections, And as prodigious resurrections, With new reversions of nine lives, Starts up, and like a cat revives? 1630

But now, alas! they're all expir'd, And th' House, as well as Members, fir'd; Consum'd in kennels by the rout, With which they other fires put out: Condemn'd t' ungoverning distress, 1635 And paultry, private wretchedness; Worse than the Devil, to privation, Beyond all hopes of restoration; And parted, like the body and soul, From all dominion and controul. 1640 We, who cou'd lately with a look Enact, establish, or revoke; Whose arbitrary nods gave law, And frowns kept multitudes in awe; Before the bluster of whose huff, 1645 All hats, as in a storm, flew off; Ador'd and bowed to by the great, Down to the footman and valet; Had more bent knees than chapel-mats, And prayers than the crowns of hats; 1650 Shall now be scorn'd as wretchedly; For ruin's just as low as high; Which might be suffer'd, were it all The horror that attends our fall: For some of us have scores more large 1655 Than heads and quarters can discharge; And others, who, by restless scraping, With publick frauds, and private rapine, Have mighty heaps of wealth amass'd, Would gladly lay down all at last; 1660 And to be but undone, entail Their vessels on perpetual jail; And bless the Dev'l to let them farms Of forfeit souls on no worse terms.

This said, a near and louder shout 1665 Put all th' assembly to the rout, Who now begun t' out-run their fear, As horses do from whom they bear; But crowded on with so mach haste, Until th' had block'd the passage fast, 1670 And barricado'd it with haunches Of outward men, and bulks, and paunches, That with their shoulders strove to squeeze, And rather save a crippled piece Of all their crush'd and broken members, 1675 Than have them grilled on the embers; Still pressing on with heavy packs Of one another on their backs: The van-guard could no longer hear The charges of the forlorn rear, 1680 But, born down headlong by the rout, Were trampled sorely under foot: Yet nothing prov'd so formidable As the horrid cookery of the rabble; And fear, that keeps all feeling out, 1685 As lesser pains are by the gout, Reliev'd 'em with a fresh supply Of rallied force enough to fly, And beat a Tuscan running-horse, Whose jockey-rider is all spurs. 1690



NOTES TO PART III. CANTO II.

1 g The Learned write, &c.] An insect breeze. Breezes often bring along with them great quantities of insects, which some are of opinion, are generated from viscous exhalations in the air; but our Author makes them proceed from a cow's dung, and afterwards become a plague to that whence it received its original.

13 h For as the Persian, &c.] The Magi were priests and philosophers among the Persians, intrusted with the government both civil and ecclesiastick, much addicted to the observation of the stars. Zoroaster is reported to be their first author. They had this custom amongst them, to preserve and continue their families by incestuous copulation with their own mothers. Some are of opinion, that the three wise men that came out of the East to worship our Saviour were some of these.

51 i At Michael's Term, &c.] St. Michael, an archangel; mentioned in St. Jude's Epistle, Verse 9.

78 k And laid about, &c.] William Prynne, of Lincoln's-Inn, Esq. born at Swanswick, who stiled himself Utter Barrister, a very warm person, and voluminous writer; and after the Restoration, keeper of the records in the Tower.

146 l As Dutch Boors, &c.] It is reported of the Dutch women, that making so great use of stoves, and often putting them under their petticoats, they engender a kind of ugly monster, which is called a Sooterkin.

151 m T' out-cant the Babylonian, &c.] At the building of the Tower of Babel, when God made the confusion of languages.

215 Toss'd in a furious Hurricane, &c.] At Oliver's death was a most furious tempest, such as had not been known in the memory of man, or hardly ever recorded to have been in this nation. This Sterry reported something ridiculously fabulous concerning Oliver, not unlike what Proculus did of Romulus.

224 o False Heaven, &c.] After the Restoration, Oliver's body was dug up, and his head set at the farther end of Westminster- hall, near which place there is an house of entertainment, which is commonly known by the name of Heaven.

227 p So Romulus, &c.] A Roman Senator, whose name was Proculus, and much beloved by Romulus, made oath before the Senate, that this prince appeared to him after his death, and predicted the future grandeur of that city, promising to be protector of it; and expressly charged him, that he should be adored there under the name of Quirinus; and he had his temple on Mount Quirinale.

231 q Next his Son, &c.] Oliver's eldest son Richard was, by him before his death, declared his successor; and, by order of privy-council, proclaimed Lord Protector, and received the compliments of congratulation and condolence, at the same time, from the Lord Mayor and Court of Aldermen: and addresses were presented to him from all parts of the nation, promising to stand by him with their lives and fortunes. He summoned a Parliament to meet at Westminster, which recognized him Lord Protector: yet, notwithstanding, Fleetwood, Desborough, and their partizans, managed affairs so, that he was obliged to resign.

245 r To edify upon the Ruins, &c.] John of Leyden, whose name was Buckhold, was a butcher of the same place, but a crafty, eloquent, and seditious fellow and one of those called Anabaptists. He went and set up at Munster, where, with Knipperdoling, and others of the same faction, they spread their abominable errors, and run about the streets in enthusiastical raptures, crying, Repent and be baptized, pronouncing dismal woes against all those that would not embrace their tenets. About the year 1533 they broke out into an open insurrection, and seized the palace and magazines, and grew so formidable that it was very dangerous for those who were not of their persuasion to dwell in Munster; but at length he and his associates being subdued and taken, he was executed at Munster, had his flesh pulled off by two executioners with red- hot pincers for the space of an hour, and then run through with a sword.

351 s 'Mong these there was a Politician, &c.] This was the famous E. of S. who was endued with a particular faculty of undermining and subverting all sorts of government.

409 t and better than by Napier's Bones, &c.] The famous Lord Napier, of Scotland, the first inventor of logarithms, contrived also a set of square pieces, with numbers on them, made generally of ivory, (which perform arithmetical and geometrical calculations,) and are commonly called Napier's Bones.

421 u To match this Saint, &c.] The great colonel John Lilbourn, whose trial is so remarkable, and well known at this time.

475 w The Trojan Mare, &c.] After the Grecians had spent ten years in the siege of Troy, without the least prospect of success, they bethought of a stratagem, and made a wooden horse capable of containing a considerable number of armed men: this they filled with the choicest of their army, and then pretended to raise the siege; upon which the credulous Trojans made a breach in the walls of the city to bring in this fatal plunder; but when it was brought in, the inclosed heroes soon appeared, and surprizing the city, the rest entered in at the breach.

520 x (I mean Margaret's Fast) &c.] That Parliament used to have publick fasts kept in St. Margaret's church, Westminster, as is done to this present time.

605 y To hang like Mahomet, &c.] It is reported of Mahomet the great impostor, that having built a mosque, the roof whereof was of loadstone, and ordering his corpse, when he was dead, to be put into an iron coffin, and brought into that place, the loadstone soon attracted it near the top, where it still hangs in the air. No less fabulous is what the legend says of Ignatius Loyola, that his zeal and devotion transported him so, that at his prayers he has been seen to be raised from the ground for some considerable time together.

650 z As easy as Serpents, &c.] Naturalists report, that Snakes, Serpents, &c. cast their skins every year.

655 a As Barnacles turn Soland Geese, &c.] It is said that in the Islands of the Orcades, in Scotland, there are trees which bear those barnacles, which dropping off into the water, receive life, and become those birds called soland geese.

663 b So he that keeps the Gate of Hell, &c.] The poets feign the dog Cerberus, that is the porter of hell, to have three heads.

685 c The GIBELLINES, &c.] Two great factions in Italy, distinguished by those names, miserably distracted and wasted it about the year 1130.

841 d When three Saints Ears, &c.] Burton, Prynn, and Bastwick, three notorious ringleaders of the factious, just at the beginning of the late horrid rebellion.

894 e But Fisher's Folly, &c.] Fisher's Folly, was where Devonshire-Square now stands, and was a great place of consultation in those days.

907 f Cut out more Work, &c.] Plato's year, or the grand revolution of the intire machine of the world, was accounted 4000 years.

1200 g T' your great Croysado General, &c.] General Fairfax, who was soon laid aside after he had done some of their drudgery for them.

1241 h To pass for deep and learned Scholars, &c.] Two ridiculous scribblers, that were often pestering the world with nonsense.

1250 i Like Sir Pride, &c.] The one a brewer, the other a shoemaker, and both colonels in the rebels' army.

1505 k The beastly Rabble that came down, &c.] This is an accurate description of the mob's burning rumps upon the admission of the secluded Members, on contempt of the Rump- Parliament.

1534 l Be ready listed under DON] The hangman's name at that time was Don.

1550 m They've roasted COOK already and PRIDE in.] Cook acted as solicitor-general against King Charles the First at his trial; and afterwards received his just reward for the same. Pride, a colonel in the Parliament's army.

1564 n Their Founder was a blown up Soldier.] Ignatius Loyola, the founder of the society of the Jesuits, was a gentleman of Biscay, in Spain, and bred a soldier; was at Pampelune when it was besieged by the French in the year 1521, and was so very lame in both feet, by the damage he sustained there, that he was forced to keep his bed.

1585 o And from their Coptick Priests, Kircherus.] Athanasius Kircher, a Jesuit, hath wrote largely on the AEgyptian mystical learning.

1587 p For, as the AEgyptians us'd by Bees, &c.] The AEgyptians represented their kings, (many of whose names were Ptolemy) under the hieroglyphick of a bee, dispensing honey to the good and virtuous, and having a sting for the wicked and dissolute.



PART III

CANTO III

THE ARGUMENT.

————————————————————————- The Knight and squire's prodigious Flight To quit th' inchanted Bow'r by Night. He plods to turn his amorous Suit T' a Plea in Law, and prosecute Repairs to Counsel, to advise 'Bout managing the Enterprise; But first resolves to try by Letter, And one more fair Address, to get her. ————————————————————————-

WHO wou'd believe what strange bugbears Mankind creates itself of fears That spring like fern, that insect weed, Equivocally, without seed; And have no possible foundation, 5 But merely in th' imagination; And yet can do more dreadful feats Than hags, with all their imps and teats Make more bewitch and haunt themselves Than all their nurseries of elves? 10 For fear does things so like a witch, 'Tis hard t' unriddle which is which: Sets up Communities of senses, To chop and change intelligences; As Rosicrucian virtuosos 15 Can see with ears, and hear with noses; And when they neither see nor hear, Have more than both supply'd by fear That makes 'em in the dark see visions, And hag themselves with apparitions; 20 And when their eyes discover least, Discern the subtlest objects best Do things not contrary, alone, To th' course of nature, but its own; The courage of the bravest daunt, 25 And turn poltroons as valiant: For men as resolute appear With too much as too little fear And when they're out of hopes of flying, Will run away from death by dying; 30 Or turn again to stand it out, And those they fled, like lions, rout.

This HUDIBRAS had prov'd too true, Who, by the furies left perdue, And haunted with detachments, sent 35 From Marshal Legion's regiment, Was by a fiend, as counterfeit, Reliev'd and rescu'd with a cheat; When nothing but himself, and fear, Was both the imp and conjurer; 40 As, by the rules o' th' virtuosi, It follows in due form of poesie.

Disguis'd in all the masks of night, We left our champion on his flight, At blind man's buff, to grope his way, 45 In equal fear of night and day, Who took his dark and desp'rate course, He knew no better than his horse; And, by an unknown Devil led, (He knew as little whither,) fled. 50 He never was in greater need, Nor less capacity, of speed; Disabled, both in man and beast, To fly and run away his best; To keep the enemy, and fear, 55 From equal falling on his rear. And though with kicks and bangs he ply'd The further and the nearer side, (As seamen ride with all their force, And tug as if they row'd the horse, 60 And when the hackney sails most swift, Believe they lag, or run a-drift,) So, though he posted e'er so fast, His fear was greater than his haste: For fear, though fleeter than the wind, 65 Believes 'tis always left behind. But when the morn began t' appear, And shift t' another scene his fear, He found his new officious shade, That came so timely to his aid, 70 And forc'd him from the foe t' escape, Had turn'd itself to RALPHO's shape; So like in person, garb, and pitch, 'Twas hard t' interpret which was which.

For RALPHO had no sooner told 75 The Lady all he had t' unfold, But she convey'd him out of sight, To entertain the approaching Knight; And, while he gave himself diversion, T' accommodate his beast and person, 80 And put his beard into a posture At best advantage to accost her, She order'd th' anti-masquerade (For his reception) aforesaid: But when the ceremony was done, 85 The lights put out, and furies gone, And HUDIBRAS, among the rest, Convey'd away, as RALPHO guess'd, The wretched caitiff, all alone, (As he believ'd) began to moan, 90 And tell his story to himself, The Knight mistook him for an elf; And did so still till he began To scruple at RALPH's Outward Man; And thought, because they oft agreed 95 T' appear in one another's stead, And act the Saint's and Devil's part With undistinguishable art, They might have done so now, perhaps, And put on one another's shapes 100 And therefore, to resolve the doubt, He star'd upon him, and cry'd out, What art? My 'Squire, or that bold Sprite That took his place and shape to-night? Some busy indepenent pug, 105 Retainer to his Synagogue? Alas! quoth he, I'm none of those, Your bosom friends, as you suppose; But RALPH himself, your trusty 'Squire, Wh' has dragg'd your Dunship out o' th' mire, 110 And from th' inchantments of a widow, Wh' had turn'd you int' a beast, have freed you; And, though a prisoner of war, Have brought you safe where you now are; Which you would gratefully repay 115 Your constant Presbyterian way.

That's stranger (quoth the Knight) and stranger. Who gave thee notice of my danger?

Quoth he, Th' infernal Conjurer Pursu'd and took me prisoner; 120 And knowing you were hereabout, Brought me along to find you out; Where I, in hugger-mugger hid, Have noted all they said or did: And though they lay to him the pageant, 125 I did not see him, nor his agent; Who play'd their sorceries out of sight, T' avoid a fiercer second fight. But didst thou see no Devils then? Not one (quoth he) but carnal men, 130 A little worse than fiends in hell, And that She-Devil Jezebel, That laugh'd and tee-he'd with derision, To see them take your deposition.

What then (quoth HUDIBRAS) was he 135 That play'd the Dev'l to examine me? A rallying weaver in the town, That did it in a parson's gown; Whom all the parish take for gifted; But, for my part, I ne'er believ'd it: 140 In which you told them all your feats, Your conscientious frauds and cheats; Deny'd your whipping, and confest The naked truth of all the rest, More plainly than the Rev'rend Writer, 145 That to our Churches veil'd his Mitre; All which they took in black and white, And cudgell'd me to under-write.

What made thee, when they all were gone, And none but thou and I alone, 150 To act the Devil, and forbear To rid me of my hellish fear?

Quoth he, I knew your constant rate And frame of sp'rit too obstinate To be by me prevail'd upon 155 With any motives of my own; And therefore strove to counterfeit The Dev'l a-while, to nick your wit; The Devil, that is your constant crony, That only can prevail upon ye; 160 Else we might still have been disputing, And they with weighty drubs confuting.

The Knight who now began to find Th' had left the enemy behind, And saw no farther harm remain, 165 But feeble weariness and pain; Perceiv'd, by losing of their way, Th' had gain'd th' advantage of the day; And, by declining of the road, They had, by chance, their rear made good; 170 He ventur'd to dismiss his fear, That parting's wont to rent and tear, And give the desperat'st attack To danger still behind its back. For having paus'd to recollect, 175 And on his past success reflect, T' examine and consider why, And whence, and how, they came to fly, And when no Devil had appear'd, What else, it cou'd be said, he fear'd; 180 It put him in so fierce a rage, He once resolv'd to re-engage; Toss'd like a foot-ball back again, With shame and vengeance, and disdain. Quoth he, it was thy cowardice 185 That made me from this leaguer rise And when I'd half reduc'd the place, To quit it infamously base Was better cover'd by the new Arriv'd detachment then I knew; 190 To slight my new acquests, and run Victoriously from battles won; And reck'ning all I gain'd or lost, To sell them cheaper than they cost; To make me put myself to flight, 195 And conqu'ring run away by night To drag me out, which th' haughty foe Durst never have presum'd to do To mount me in the dark, by force, Upon the bare ridge of my horse; 200 Expos'd in querpo to their rage, Without my arms and equipage; Lest, if they ventur'd to pursue, I might th' unequal fight renew; And, to preserve thy Outward Man, 205 Assum'd my place, and led the van.

All this quoth RALPH, I did, 'tis true, Not to preserve my self, but you; You, who were damn'd to baser drubs Than wretches feel in powd'ring tubs. 210 To mount two-wheel'd carroches, worse Than managing a wooden-horse Dragg'd out through straiter holes by th' ears, Eras'd or coup'd for perjurers; Who, though th' attempt had prov'd in vain, 215 Had had no reason to complain: But since it prosper'd, 'tis unhandsome To blame the hand that paid our ransome, And rescu'd your obnoxious bones From unavoidable battoons. 220 The enemy was reinforc'd, And we disabled, and unhors'd, Disarm'd, unqualify'd for fight, And no way left but hasty flight, Which though as desp'rate in th' attempt, 225 Has giv'n you freedom to condemn't. But were our bones in fit condition To reinforce the expedition, 'Tis now unseasonable, and vain, To think of falling on again. 230 No martial project to surprize Can ever be attempted twice; Nor cast design serve afterwards, As gamesters tear their losing-cards, Beside, our bangs of man and beast 235 Are fit for nothing now but rest; And for a-while will not be able To rally, and prove serviceable; And therefore I, with reason, chose This stratagem t' amuse our foes; 240 To make an honourable retreat, And wave a total sure defeat; For those that fly may fight again, Which he can never do that's slain. Hence timely running's no mean part 245 Of conduct in the martial art; By which some glorious feats atchieve, As citizens by breaking thrive; And cannons conquer armies, while They seem to draw off and recoil; 250 Is held the gallantest course, and bravest To great exploits, as well as safest; That spares th' expence of time and pains, And dangerous beating out of brains; And in the end prevails as certain 255 As those that never trust to fortune; But make their fear do execution Beyond the stoutest resolution; As earthquakes kill without a blow, And, only trembling, overthrow, 260 If th' ancients crown'd their bravest men That only sav'd a citizen, What victory could e'er be won, If ev'ry one would save but one Or fight endanger'd to be lost, 265 Where all resolve to save the most? By this means, when a battle's won, The war's as far from being done; For those that save themselves, and fly, Go halves, at least, i' th' victory; 270 And sometimes, when the loss is small, And danger great, they challenge all; Print new additions to their feats, And emendations in Gazettes; And when, for furious haste to run, 275 They durst not stay to fire a gun, Have done't with bonfires, and at home Made squibs and crackers overcome; To set the rabble on a flame, And keep their governors from blame; 280 Disperse the news the pulpit tells, Confirm'd with fire-works and with bells; And though reduc'd to that extream, They have been forc'd to sing Te Deum; Yet, with religious blasphemy, 285 By flattering Heaven with a lie And for their beating giving thanks, Th' have rais'd recruits, and fill'd their banks; For those who run from th' enemy, Engage them equally to fly; 290 And when the fight becomes a chace, Those win the day that win the race And that which would not pass in fights, Has done the feat with easy flights; Recover'd many a desp'rate campaign 295 With Bordeaux, Burgundy, and Champaign; Restor'd the fainting high and mighty With brandy-wine and aqua-vitae; And made 'em stoutly overcome With bachrach, hoccamore, and mum; 300 Whom the uncontroul'd decrees of fate To victory necessitate; With which, although they run or burn They unavoidably return: Or else their sultan populaces 305 Still strangle all their routed Bassas.

Quoth HUDIBRAS, I understand What fights thou mean'st at sea and land, And who those were that run away, And yet gave out th' had won the day; 310 Although the rabble sous'd them for't, O'er head and ears in mud and dirt. 'Tis true, our modern way of war Is grown more politick by far, But not so resolute, and bold, 315 Nor ty'd to honour, as the old. For now they laugh at giving battle, Unless it be to herds of cattle; Or fighting convoys of provision, The whole design o' the expedition: 320 And not with downright blows to rout The enemy, but eat them out: As fighting, in all beasts of prey, And eating, are perform'd one way, To give defiance to their teeth 325 And fight their stubborn guts to death; And those atchieve the high'st renown, That bring the others' stomachs down, There's now no fear of wounds, nor maiming; All dangers are reduc'd to famine; 330 And feats of arms, to plot, design, Surprize, and stratagem, and mine; But have no need nor use of courage, Unless it be for glory or forage: For if they fight, 'tis but by chance, 335 When one side vent'ring to advance, And come uncivilly too near, Are charg'd unmercifully i' th' rear; And forc'd with terrible resistance, To keep hereafter at a distance; 340 To pick out ground to incamp upon, Where store of largest rivers run, That serve, instead of peaceful barriers, To part th' engagements of their warriors; Where both from side to side may skip, 345 And only encounter at bo-peep: For men are found the stouter-hearted, The certainer th' are to be parted, And therefore post themselves in bogs, As th' ancient mice attack'd the frogs, 350 And made their mortal enemy, The water-rat, their strict ally. For 'tis not now, who's stout and bold, But who bears hunger best, and cold; And he's approv'd the most deserving, 355 Who longest can hold out at starving; And he that routs most pigs and cows, The formidablest man of prowess. So th' emperor CALIGULA, That triumph'd o'er the British Sea, 360 Took crabs and oysters prisoners, Lobsters, 'stead of cuirasiers, Engag'd his legions in fierce bustles With periwinkles, prawns, and muscles; And led his troops with furious gallops, 365 To charge whole regiments of scallops Not like their ancient way of war, To wait on his triumphal carr But when he went to dine or sup More bravely eat his captives up; 370 And left all war, by his example, Reduc'd to vict'ling of a camp well.

Quoth RALPH, By all that you have said, And twice as much that I cou'd add, 'Tis plain you cannot now do worse, 375 Than take this out-of-fashion'd course; To hope, by stratagem, to woo her, Or waging battle to subdue her Though some have done it in romances, And bang'd them into amorous fancies; 380 As those who won the AMAZONS, By wanton drubbing of their bones; And stout Rinaldo gain'd his bride, By courting of her back and side. But since those times and feats are over, 385 They are not for a modern lover, When mistresses are too cross-grain'd By such addresses to be gain'd; And if they were, wou'd have it out With many another kind of bout. 390 Therefore I hold no course s' infeasible, As this of force to win the JEZEBEL; To storm her heart, by th' antick charms Of ladies errant, force of arms; But rather strive by law to win her, 395 And try the title you have in her. Your case is clear; you have her word, And me to witness the accord Besides two more of her retinue To testify what pass'd between you; 400 More probable, and like to hold, Than hand, or seal, or breaking gold; For which so many, that renounc'd Their plighted contracts, have been trounc'd And bills upon record been found, 405 That forc'd the ladies to compound; And that, unless I miss the matter, Is all the bus'ness you look after. Besides, encounters at the bar Are braver now than those in war, 410 In which the law does execution With less disorder and confusion Has more of honour in't, some hold Not like the new way, but the old When those the pen had drawn together, 415 Decided quarrels with the feather, And winged arrows kill'd as dead, And more than bullets now of lead. So all their combats now, as then, Are manag'd chiefly by the pen; 420 That does the feat with braver vigours, In words at length, as well as figures; Is judge of all the world performs In voluntary feats of arms And whatsoe'er's atchiev'd in fight, 425 Determines which is wrong or right: For whether you prevail, or lose All must be try'd there in the close; And therefore 'tis not wise to shun What you must trust to ere y' have done. 430

The law, that settles all you do, And marries where you did but woo; That makes the most perfidious lover A lady, that's as false, recover; And if it judge upon your side, 435 Will soon extend her for your bride; And put her person, goods, or lands, Or which you like best int' your hands.

For law's the wisdom of all ages, And manag'd by the ablest sages; 440 Who, though their bus'ness at the bar Be but a kind of civil war, In which th' engage with fiercer dudgeons Than e'er the GRECIANS did and TROJANS, They never manage the contest 445 T' impair their public interest; Or by their controversies lessen The dignity of their profession: Not like us Brethren, who divide Our Commonwealth, the Cause, and Side; 450 And though w' are all as near of kindred As th' outward man is to the inward, We agree in nothing, but to wrangle About the slightest fingle-fangle; While lawyers have more sober sense 455 Than t' argue at their own expence, But make their best advantages Of others' quarrels, like the Swiss; And, out of foreign controversies, By aiding both sides, fill their purses; 460 But have no int'rest in the cause For which th' engage, and wage the laws; Nor further prospect than their pay, Whether they lose or win the day: And though th' abounded in all ages, 465 With sundry learned clerks and sages, Though all their business be dispute, Which way they canvass ev'ry suit, Th' have no disputes about their art, Nor in Polemicks controvert: 470 While all professions else are found With nothing but disputes t' abound Divines of all sorts, and physicians, Philosophers, mathematicians: The Galenist and Paracelsian 475 Condemn the way each other deals in: Anatomists dissect and mangle, To cut themselves out work to wrangle Astrologers dispute their dreams, That in their sleeps they talk of schemes: 480 And heralds stickle, who got who So many hundred years ago.

But lawyers are too wise a nation T' expose their trade to disputation; Or make the busy rabble judges 485 Of all their secret piques and grudges; In which whoever wins the day, The whole profession's sure to pay. Beside, no mountebanks, nor cheats, Dare undertake to do their feats, 490 When in all other sciences They swarm, like insects, and increase.

For what bigot durst ever draw, By inward light, a deed in law? Or could hold forth, by revelation, 495 An answer to a declaration? For those that meddle with their tools Will cut their fingers, if they're fools; And if you follow their advice, In bills, and answers, and replies, 500 They'll write a love-letter in chancery, Shall bring her upon oath to answer ye, And soon reduce her to b' your wife, Or make her weary of her life.

The Knight, who us'd with tricks and shifts 505 To edify by RALPHO's Gifts, But in appearance cry'd him down, To make them better seem his own, (All Plagiaries' constant course Of sinking when they take a purse), 510 Resolv'd to follow his advice, But kept it from him by disguise; And, after stubborn contradiction, To counterfeit his own conviction, And by transition fall upon 515 The resolution as his own.

Quoth he, This gambol thou advisest Is of all others the unwisest; For if I think by law to gain her, There's nothing sillier or vainer 520 'Tis but to hazard my pretence, Where nothing's certain, but th' expence; To act against myself, and traverse My suit and title, to her favours And if she shou'd (which Heav'n forbid) 525 O'erthrow me, as the fidler did, What aftercourse have I to take, 'Gainst losing all I have at stake? He that with injury is griev'd, And goes to law to be reliev'd, 530 Is sillier than a sottish chowse, Who, when thief has robb'd his house, Applies himself to cunning men, To help him to his goods agen; When all he can expect to gain, 535 Is but to squander more in vain; And yet I have no other way But is as difficult to play. For to reduce her by main force, Is now in vain; by fair means, worse; 540 But worst of all, to give her over, 'Till she's as desp'rate to recover For bad games are thrown up too soon, Until th' are never to be won. But since I have no other course, 545 But is as bad t' attempt, or worse, He that complies against his will, Is of his own opinion still; Which he may adhere to, yet disown, For reasons to himself best known: 550 But 'tis not to b' avoided now, For SIDROPHEL resolves to sue; Whom I must answer, or begin Inevitably first with him. For I've receiv'd advertisement, 555 By times enough, of his intent; And knowing he that first complains Th' advantage of the business gains; For Courts of Justice understand The plaintiff to be eldest hand; 560 Who what he pleases may aver; The other, nothing, till he swear; Is freely admitted to all grace, And lawful favour, by his place; And, for his bringing custom in, 565 Has all advantages to win. I, who resolve to oversee No lucky opportunity, Will go to council, to advise Which way t' encounter, or surprize, 570 And, after long consideration, Have found out one to fit th' occasion; Most apt for what I have to do, As counsellor and justice too. And truly so, no doubt, he was, 575 A lawyer fit for such a case.

An old dull sot, who told the clock For many years at Bridewell-dock, At Westminster, and Hicks's-Hall, And Hiccius Doctius play'd in all; 580 Where, in all governments and times, H' had been both friend and foe to crimes, And us'd two equal ways of gaining By hind'ring justice or maintaining; To many a whore gave priviledge, 585 And whipp'd for want of quarteridge: Cart-loads of bawds to prison sent For b'ing behind a fortnight's rent And many a trusty pimp and croney To Puddle-dock for want of money; 590 Engag'd the constable to seize All those that would not break the peace, Nor give him back his own foul words, Though sometimes Commoners or Lords, And kept 'em prisoners of course, 595 For being sober at ill hours; That in the morning he might free Or bind 'em over for his fee; Made monsters fine, and puppet-plays, For leave to practise in their ways; 600 Farm'd out all cheats, and went a share With th' headborough and scavenger; And made the dirt i' th' streets compound For taking up the publick ground; The kennel, and the King's highway, 605 For being unmolested, pay; Let out the stocks, and whipping-post, And cage, to those that gave him most; Impos'd a tax on bakers' ears, And for false weights on chandelers; 610 Made victuallers and vintners fine For arbitrary ale and wine; But was a kind and constant friend To all that regularly offend; As residentiary bawds, 615 And brokers that receive stol'n goods; That cheat in lawful mysteries, And pay church duties and his fees; But was implacable, and awkward, To all that interlop'd and hawker'd. 620

To this brave man the Knight repairs For council in his law-affairs And found him mounted in his pew, With books and money plac'd for shew, Like nest-eggs to make clients lay, 625 And for his false opinion pay To whom the knight, with comely grace, Put off his hat to put his case Which he as proudly entertain'd As th' other courteously strain'd; 630 And, to assure him 't was not that He look'd for, bid him put on's hat.

Quoth he, There is one SIDROPHEL, Whom I have cudgell'd — Very well. And now he brags t' have beaten me. — 635 Better and better still, quoth he. — And vows to stick me to a wall Where-e'er he meets me — Best of all. 'Tis true, the knave has taken's oath That I robb'd him — Well done, in troth 640 When h' has confess'd he stole my cloak, And pick'd my fob, and what he took; Which was the cause that made me bang him, And take my goods again — Marry hang him. Now whether I should before-hand, 645 Swear he robb'd me? — I understand. Or bring my action of conversion And trover for my goods? — Ah, Whoreson! Or if 'tis better to indite, And bring him to his trial? — Right. 650 Prevent what he designs to do, And swear for th' State against him? — True. Or whether he that is defendant In this case has the better end on't; Who, putting in a new cross-bill, 655 May traverse th' action? — Better still. Then there's a Lady too — Aye, marry That's easily prov'd accessary; A widow, who, by solemn vows Contracted to me for my spouse, 660 Combin'd with him to break her word, And has abetted all. — Good Lord Suborn'd th' aforesaid SIDROPHEL To tamper with the Dev'l of Hell; Who put m' into a horrid fear, 665 Fear of my life. — Make that appear. Made an assault with fiends and men Upon my body. — Good agen, And kept me in a deadly fright, And false imprisonment, all night 670 Mean while they robb'd me, and my horse, And stole my saddle. — Worse and worse. And made me mount upon the bare ridge, T' avoid a wretcheder miscarriage.

Sir, quoth the Lawyer, not to flatter ye, 675 You have as good and fair a battery As heart can wish, and need not shame The proudest man alive to claim. For if th' have us'd you as you say; Marry, quoth I, God give you joy. 680 I wou'd it were my case, I'd give More than I'll say, or you'll believe. I would so trounce her, and her purse; I'd make her kneel for better or worse; For matrimony and hanging here 685 Both go by destiny so clear, That you as sure may pick and choose, As Cross, I win; and, Pile, you lose; And, if I durst, I would advance As much in ready maintenance, 690 As upon any case I've known, But we that practise dare not own. The law severely contrabands Our taking bus'ness off men's hands; 'Tis common barratry, that bears 695 Point-blank an action 'gainst our ears And crops them till there is not leather To stick a pin in left of either; For which some do the Summer-sault, And o'er the bar, like tumblers, vault, 700 But you may swear, at any rate, Things not in nature, for the State; For in all courts of justice here A witness is not said to swear, But make oath; that is, in plain terms, 705 To forge whatever he affirms.

(I thank you, quoth the Knight, for that, Because 'tis to my purpose pat — ) For Justice, though she's painted blind, Is to the weaker Side inclin'd, 710 Like Charity; else right and wrong Could never hold it out so long, And, like blind Fortune, with a slight Convey mens' interest and right From Stiles's pocket into Nokes's, 715 As easily as Hocus Pocus; Play fast and loose; make men obnoxious, And clear again, like Hiccius Doctius. Then whether you wou'd take her life, Or but recover her for your wife, 720 Or be content with what she has, And let all other matters pass, The bus'ness to the law's alone, The proof is all it looks upon: And you can want no witnesses 725 To swear to any thing you please, That hardly get their mere expences By th' labour of their consciences; Or letting out to hire their ears To affidavit customers, 730 At inconsiderable values, To serve for jury-men or tallies, Although retain'd in th' hardest matters, Of trustees and administrators.

For that, quoth he, let me alone; 735 W' have store of such, and all our own; Bred up and tutor'd by our teachers,

The ablest of conscience-stretchers. That's well, quoth he; but I should guess, By weighing all advantages, 740 Your surest way is first to pitch On BONGEY for a water-witch; And when y' have hang'd the conjurer, Y' have time enough to deal with her. In th' int'rim, spare for no trepans 745 To draw her neck into the bans Ply her with love-letters and billets, And bait 'em well, for quirks and quillets With trains t' inveigle, and surprize, Her heedless answers and replies; 750 And if she miss the mouse-trap lines, They'll serve for other by-designs; And make an artist understand To copy out her seal or hand; Or find void places in the paper 755 To steal in something to intrap her Till, with her worldly goods and body, Spight of her heart, she has endow'd ye, Retain all sorts of witnesses, That ply i' th' Temple under trees; 760 Or walk the round, with knights o' th' posts, About the cross-legg'd knights, their hosts; Or wait for customers between The pillars-rows in Lincoln's-Inn Where vouchers, forgers, common-bail, 765 And affidavit-men, ne'er fail T' expose to sale all sorts of oaths, According to their ears and cloaths, Their only necessary tools, Besides the Gospel and their souls; 770 And when y' are furnish'd with all purveys, I shall be ready at your service.

I would not give, quoth HUDIBRAS, A straw to understand a case, Without the admirable skill 775 To wind and manage it at will; To vere, and tack, and steer a cause Against the weather-gage of laws; And ring the changes upon cases As plain as noses upon faces, 780 As you have well instructed me, For which you've earn'd (here 'tis) your fee. I long to practise your advice, And try the subtle artifice; To bait a letter, as you bid; 785 As not long after, thus he did For having pump'd up all his wit, And humm'd upon it, thus he writ.

NOTES TO PART III CANTO III.

8 q Than Hags with all their Imps and Teats.] Alluding to the vulgar opinion, that witches have their imps, or familiar spirits, that are employed in their diabolical practices, and suck private teats they have about them.

15 r As Rosi-crucian Virtuosos, &c.] The Rosicrusians were a sect that appeared in Germany in the beginning of the XVIIth age. They are also called the Enlightened, Immortal, and Invisible. They are a very enthusiastical sort of men, and hold many wild and extravagant opinions.

36 s From Marshal Legion's Regiment.] He used to preach, as if they might expect legions to drop down from heaven, for the propagation of the good Old Cause.

145 t More plainly than the Reverend Writer, &c.] A most Reverend Prelate, A. B. of Y. who sided with the disaffected party.

261 u If the Ancients crown'd their bravest Men, &c.] The Romans highly honoured, and nobly rewarded, those persons that were instrumental in the preservation of the lives of their citizens, either in battle or otherwise

305 w Or else their Sultan Populaces, &c.] The Author compares the arbitrary actings of the ungovernable mob to the Sultan or Grand Signior, who very seldom fails to sacrifice any of his chief commanders, called Bassas, if they prove unsuccessful in battle.

350 x As the ancient Mice attack'd the Frogs.) Homer wrote a poem of the War between the Mice and the Frogs.

383 y And stout Rinaldo gain'd his Bride, &c.] A story in Tasso, an Italian Poet, of a hero that gained his mistress by conquering her party.

577 z An old dull Sot, who told the Clock, &c.] Prideux, a justice of peace, a very pragmatical busy person in those times, and a mercenary and cruel magistrate, infamous for the following methods of getting of money among many others.

589 a And many a trusty Pimp and Croney, &c.] There was a gaol for puny offenders.

599 b Made Monsters fine, and Puppet-plays, &c.] He extorted money from those that kept shows.

715 c From Stiles's Pocket into Nokes's, &c.] John a Nokes, and John a Stiles, are two fictitious names made use of in stating cases of law only.

742 d On BONGEY for a Water Witch.] Bongey was a Franciscan, and lived towards the end of the thirteenth century, a doctor of divinity in Oxford; and a particular acquaintance of Friar Bacon's. In that ignorant age, every thing that seemed extraordinary was reputed magick; and so both Bacon and Bongey went under the imputation of studying the black-art. Bongey also, publishing a treatise of Natural Magick, confirmed some well-meaning credulous people in this opinion; but it was altogether groundless; for Bongey was chosen provincial of his order, being a person of most excellent parts and piety.



AN HEROICAL EPISTLE OF HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.

I who was once as great as CAESAR, Am now reduc'd to NEBUCHADNEZZAR; And from as fam'd a conqueror As ever took degree in war, Or did his exercise in battle, 5 By you turn'd out to grass with cattle: For since I am deny'd access To all my earthly happiness Am fallen from the paradise Of your good graces, and fair eyes; 10 Lost to the world, and you, I'm sent To everlasting banishment; Where all the hopes I had t' have won Your heart, b'ing dash'd, will break my own.

Yet if you were not so severe 15 To pass your doom before you hear, You'd find, upon my just defence, How much y' have wrong'd my innocence. That once I made a vow to you, Which yet is unperformed, 'tis true: 20 But not because it is unpaid, 'Tis violated, though delay'd; Or, if it were, it is no fau't, So heinous as you'd have it thought; To undergo the loss of ears, 25 Like vulgar hackney perjurers For there's a diff'rence in the case, Between the noble and the base, Who always are observ'd t' have done't Upon as different an account: 30 The one for great and weighty cause, To salve in honour ugly flaws; For none are like to do it sooner Than those who are nicest of their honour: The other, for base gain and pay, 35 Forswear, and perjure by the day; And make th' exposing and retailing Their souls and consciences a calling.

It is no scandal, nor aspersion, Upon a great and noble person, 40 To say he nat'rally abhorr'd Th' old-fashion'd trick, To keep his word; Though 'tis perfidiousness and shame In meaner men to do the same: For to be able to forget, 45 Is found more useful to the great, Than gout, or deafness, or bad eyes, To make 'em pass for wond'rous wise. But though the law on perjurers Inflicts the forfeiture of ears, 50 It is not just that does exempt The guilty, and punish th' innocent; To make the ears repair the wrong Committed by th' ungovern'd tongue; And when one member is forsworn, 55 Another to be cropt or torn. And if you shou'd, as you design, By course of law, recover mine, You're like, if you consider right, To gain but little honour by't. 60 For he that for his lady's sake Lays down his life or limbs at stake, Does not so much deserve her favour, As he that pawns his soul to have her, This y' have acknowledg'd I have done, 65 Although you now disdain to own; But sentence what you rather ought T' esteem good service than a fau't. Besides, oaths are not bound to bear That literal sense the words infer, 70 But, by the practice of the age, Are to be judg'd how far th' engage; And, where the sense by custom's checkt, Are found void, and of none effect. For no man takes or keeps a vow 75 But just as he sees others do; Nor are th' oblig'd to be so brittle, As not to yield and bow a little: For as best-temper'd blades are found, Before they break, to bend quite round, 80 So truest oaths are still most tough, And though they bow, are breaking proof. Then wherefore should they not b' allow'd In love a greater latitude? For as the law of arms approves 85 All ways to conquest, so should love's; And not be ty'd to true or false, But make that justest that prevails For how can that which is above All empire, high and mighty love, 90 Submit its great prerogative To any other power alive? Shall love, that to no crown gives place, Become the subject of a case? The fundamental law of nature, 95 Be over-rul'd by those made after? Commit the censure of its cause To any but its own great laws? Love, that's the world's preservative, 100 That keeps all souls of things alive; Controuls the mighty pow'r of fate, And gives mankind a longer date; The life of nature, that restores As fast as time and death devours; To whose free-gift the world does owe, 105 Not only earth, but heaven too; For love's the only trade that's driven, The interest of state in heav'n, Which nothing but the soul of man Is capable to entertain. 110 For what can earth produce, but love To represent the joys above? Or who but lovers can converse, Like angels, by the eye-discourse? Address and compliment by vision; 115 Make love and court by intuition? And burn in amorous flames as fierce As those celestial ministers? Then how can any thing offend, In order to so great an end? 120 Or heav'n itself a sin resent, That for its own supply was meant? That merits, in a kind mistake, A pardon for th' offence's sake. Or if it did not, but the cause 125 Were left to th' injury at laws, What tyranny can disapprove There should be equity in love; For laws that are inanimate, And feel no sense of love or hate, 130 That have no passion of their own, Nor pity to be wrought upon, Are only proper to inflict Revenge on criminals as strict But to have power to forgive, 135 Is empire and prerogative; And 'tis in crowns a nobler gem To grant a pardon than condemn. Then since so few do what they ought, 'Tis great t' indulge a well-meant fau't. 140 For why should he who made address, All humble ways, without success, And met with nothing, in return, But insolence, affronts, and scorn, Not strive by wit to countermine, 145 And bravely carry his design? He who was us'd so unlike a soldier, Blown up with philters of love-powder? And after letting blood, and purging, Condemn'd to voluntary scourging; 150 Alarm'd with many a horrid fright, And claw'd by goblins in the night; Insulted on, revil'd, and jeer'd, With rude invasion of his beard; And when your sex was foully scandal'd, 155 As foully by the rabble handled; Attack'd by despicable foes, And drub'd with mean and vulgar blows; And, after all, to be debarr'd So much as standing on his guard; 160 When horses, being spurr'd and prick'd, Have leave to kick for being kick'd?

Or why should you, whose mother-wits Are furnish'd with all perquisites, That with your breeding-teeth begin, 165 And nursing babies, that lie in, B' allow'd to put all tricks upon Our cully sex, and we use none? We, who have nothing but frail vows Against your stratagems t' oppose; 170 Or oaths more feeble than your own, By which we are no less put down? You wound, like Parthians, while you fly, And kill with a retreating eye: Retire the more, the more we press 175 To draw us into ambushes. As pirates all false colours wear T' intrap th' unwary mariner, So women, to surprise us, spread The borrow'd flags of white and red; 180 Display 'em thicker on their cheeks Than their old grandmothers, the Picts; And raise more devils with their looks, Than conjurer's less subtle books; Lay trains of amorous intrigues, 185 In tow'rs, and curls, and perriwigs, With greater art and cunning rear'd, Than PHILIP NYE's thanksgiving beard, Prepost'rously t' entice, and gain Those to adore 'em they disdain; 190 And only draw 'em in, to clog With idle names a catalogue.