At the same time there is nothing that a genuine dependent upon luxury resents more than to be told he is dependent. It is he who has but newly learned the comforts of living who protests his inability to endure discomfort.

The very same people therefore who went a short time before to Great Estates, women who arrived with their maids and luggage containing personal equipment of amazing perfection and unlimited quantity (to say nothing of jewels worth a king's ransom), and men who usually travel with their own man-servants and every variety of raiment and paraphernalia, on being invited to "rough it" with the Kindharts at Mountain Summit Camp, are the very ones who most promptly and enthusiastically telegraph their delighted acceptance. At a certain party a few years ago, the only person who declined was a young woman of so little "position" that she was quite offended that Mrs. Kindhart should suppose her able to endure discomfort such as her invitation implied.

This year the Worldlys, the Normans, the Lovejoys, the "Bobo" Gildings, the Littlehouses, Constance Style, Jim Smartlington and his bride, Clubwin Doe and young Struthers make up the party. No one declined, not even the Worldlys, though there is a fly in the amber of their perfect satisfaction. Mrs. Kindhart wrote "not to bring a maid." Mrs. Worldly is very much disturbed, because she cannot do her hair herself. Mr. Worldly is even more perturbed at the thought of going without his valet. He has never in the twenty years since he left college been twenty-four hours away from Ernest. He knows perfectly well that Ernest is not expected. But he means to take him—he will say nothing about it; he can surely find a place for Ernest to stay somewhere.

The other men all look upon a holiday away from formality (which includes valeting) as a relief, like the opening of a window in a stuffy room, and none of the women except Mrs. Worldly would take her maid if she could.

THE CLOTHES THEY TAKE

The men all rummage in attics and trunk-rooms for those disreputable looking articles of wearing apparel dear to all sportsmen; oil soaked boots, water soaked and sun bleached woolen, corduroy, leather or canvas garments and hats, each looking too shabby from their wives' (or valet's) point of view to be offered to a tramp.

Every evening is spent in cleaning guns, rummaging for unprepossessing treasures of shooting and fishing equipment. The women also give thought to their wardrobes—consisting chiefly in a process of elimination. Nothing perishable, nothing requiring a maid's help to get into, or to take care of. Golf clothes are first choice, and any other old country clothes, skirts and sweaters, and lots of plain shirt waists to go under the sweaters. An old polo coat and a mackintosh is chosen by each. And for evenings something "comfortable" and "easy to put on" in the way of a house gown or ordinary summer "day dress." One or two decide to take tea gowns in dark color and plainest variety.

All the women who sew or knit take something to "work on" in unoccupied moments, such as the hours of sitting silent in a canoe while husbands fish.

Finally the day arrives. Every one meets at the railroad station. They are all as smart looking as can be, there is no sign of "rough" clothes anywhere, though nothing in the least like a jewel case or parasol is to be seen. At the end of somewhere between eight and eighteen hours, they arrive at a shed which sits at the edge of the single track and is labelled Dustville Junction, and hurrying down the narrow platform is their host. Except that his face is clean shaven and his manners perfect, he might be taken for a tramp. Three far from smart looking teams—two buckboards and an express wagon—are standing near by. Kindhart welcomes everyone with enthusiasm—except the now emerging Ernest. For once Kindhart is nonplussed and he says to Worldly: "This isn't Newport, you know—of course we can give him a bed somewhere, but this is really no place for Ernest and there's nothing for him to do!"

Worldly, for the moment at a loss, explains lamely: "I thought he might be useful—if you could find some corner for him to-night, then we can see—that's all right, isn't it?"

Kindhart as host can't say anything further except to agree. Everyone is bundled into the buckboards (except Ernest who goes on top of the luggage in the express wagon), and a "corduroy" drive of six or eight miles begins.

WHAT THE CAMP IS LIKE

Summit Camp is a collection of wooden shacks like a group of packing cases dumped in a clearing among the pine trees at the edge of a mountain lake. Those who have never been there before feel some misgivings, those who have been there before remember with surprise that they had liked the place! The men alone are filled with enthusiasm. The only person who is thoroughly apprehensive of the immediate future is Ernest.

In front of the largest of the shacks, Mrs. Kindhart, surrounded by dogs and children, waves and hurries forward, beaming. Her enthusiasm is contagious, the children look blooming. That the "hardship" is not hurting them, is evident! And when the guests have seen the inside of the camps most of them are actually as pleased as they look. The biggest "shack" is a living-room, the one nearest is the dining camp, four or five smaller ones are sleeping camps for guests and another is the Kindharts' own.

The "living" camp is nothing but a single room about thirty feet wide and forty feet long, with an open raftered roof for ceiling. It has windows on four sides and a big porch built on the southeast corner. There is an enormous open fireplace, and a floor good enough to dance on. The woodwork is of rough lumber and has a single coat of leaf-green paint. The shelves between the uprights are filled with books. All the new novels and magazines are spread out on a long table. The room is furnished with Navajo blankets, wicker furniture, steamer chairs, and hammocks are hung across two of the corners. Two long divan sofas on either side of the fireplace are the only upholstered pieces of furniture in the whole camp, except the mattresses on the beds.

The guest camps are separate shacks, each one set back on a platform, leaving a porch in front. Inside they vary in size; most have two, some have four rooms, but each is merely one pointed-roofed space. The front part has a fireplace and is furnished as a sitting-room, the rear half is partitioned into two or more cubicles, like box-stalls, with partitions about eight feet high and having regular doors. In each of the single rooms, there is a bed, bureau, washstand, chair, and two shelves about six or seven feet high, with a calico curtain nailed to the top one and hanging to the floor, making a hat shelf and clothes closet. The few "double" rooms are twice the size and have all furniture in duplicate. There is also a matting or a rag rug on the floor, and that is all!

Each cottage has a bathroom but the hot water supply seems complicated. A sign says your guide will bring it to you when needed. Mrs. Worldly, feeling vaguely uncomfortable and hungry, is firmly determined to go home on the next morning train. Before she has had much time to reflect, Mrs. Kindhart reports that lunch is nearly ready. Guides come with canisters of hot water, and everyone goes to dress. Town clothes disappear, and woods clothes emerge. This by no means makes a dowdy picture. Good sport clothes never look so well or becoming as when long use has given them an "accustomed set" characteristic of their wearer. The men put on their oldest country clothes too. Not their fishing "treasures" to sit at table with ladies! The treasured articles go on in the early dawn, and the guides are the only humans (except themselves) supposed worthy to behold them!

Presently a gong is sounded. The Kindhart children run to the guest houses to call out that "the gong means dinner is ready!" And "dinner" means lunch.

DINING-ROOM DETAILS

In a short while the very group of people who only ten days before were being shown to their places in the Worldlys' own tapestry-hung marble dining-room at Great Estates by a dozen footmen in satin knee breeches, file into the "dining camp" and take their places at a long pine table, painted turkey red, on ordinary wooden kitchen chairs, also red! The floral decoration is of laurel leaves in vases made of preserve jars covered with birch bark. Glass and china is of the cheapest. But there are a long centerpiece of hemstitched crash and crash doilies, and there are "real" napkins, and at each plate a birch bark napkin ring with a number on it. Mrs. Worldly looks at her napkin ring as though it were an insect. One or two of the others who have not been there before, look mildly surprised.

Mrs. Kindhart smiles, "I'm sorry, but I told you it was 'roughing it.' Any one who prefers innumerable paper napkins to using a washed one twice, is welcome. But one napkin a day apiece is camp rule!" Mrs. Worldly tries to look amiable, all the rest succeed.

The food is limited in variety but delicious. There are fresh trout from the lake and venison steak; both well cooked in every way that can be devised appear at every meal. All other supplies come in hampers from the city. The head cook is the Kindharts' own, and so is the butler, with one of the chauffeurs (when home) to help him wait on table. They wear "liveries," evolved by Mrs. Kindhart, of gray flannel trousers, green flannel blazers, very light gray flannel shirts, black ties, and moccasins!

The table service, since there are only two to wait on twenty including the children, is necessarily somewhat "farmer style"; ice, tea, rolls, butter, marmalade, cake, fruit, are all on the table, so that people may help themselves.

THE AMUSEMENTS OFFERED

After luncheon Kindhart points out a dozen guides who are waiting at the boat-house to take anyone who wants to be paddled or to sail or to go out into the woods. There is a small swimming pool which can be warmed artificially. Those who like it cold swim in the lake. All the men disappear in groups or singly with a guide. The women go with their husbands, or two together, with a guide. Should any not want to go out, she can take to one of the hammocks, or a divan in the living-room, and a book.

At first sight, this hospitality seems inadequate, but its discomfort is one of outward appearance only. The food is abundant and delicious, whether cooked in the house or by the guides in the woods. The beds are comfortable; there are plenty of warm and good quality, though not white, blankets. Sheets are flannel or cotton as preferred. Pillow cases are linen, towels of the "bath" variety because washing can be done by "natives" near by, but ironing is difficult. Let no one, however, think that this is a "simple" (by that meaning either easy or inexpensive) form of entertainment! Imagine the budget! A dozen guides, teams and drivers, natives to wash and clean and to help the cook; food for two or three dozen people sent hundreds of miles by express!

It is true that the buildings are of the most primitive, and the furnishings, too. The bureau drawers do stick, and there is only "curtained" closet room, and mirrors are few and diminutive, and orders for hot water have to be given ahead of time, but there is no discomfort, except bathing in the cold! The huge fire, lighted early every morning by one of the guides in each guest house, keeps the main part fairly warm but the temperature of one of the bathrooms on a cold morning is scarcely welcoming.

CAMP MANNERS

People do not "dress" for dinner, that is, not in evening clothes. After coming in from walking or shooting or fishing, if it is warm they swim in the pool or have their guides bring them hot water for a bath. Women change into house gowns of some sort. Men put on flannel trousers, soft shirts, and flannel or serge sack coats.

In the evening, if it is a beautiful night, every one sits on steamer chairs wrapt in rugs around the big fire built out doors in front of a sort of penthouse or windbreak. Or if it is stormy, they sit in front of a fire, almost as big, in the living-room. Sometimes younger ones pop corn or roast chestnuts, or perhaps make taffy. Perhaps some one tells a story, or some one plays and everyone sings. Perhaps one who has "parlor tricks" amuses the others—but as a rule those who have been all day in the open are tired and drowsy and want nothing but to stretch out for a while in front of the big fire and then turn in.

The etiquette of this sort of a party is so apparently lacking that its inclusion perhaps seems out of place. But it is meant merely as a "picture" of a phase of fashionable life that is not much exploited, and to show that well-bred people never deteriorate in manner. Their behavior is precisely the same whether at Great Estates or in camp. A gentleman may be in his shirt sleeves actually, but he never gets into shirt sleeves mentally—he has no inclination to.

To be sure, on the particular party described above, Mrs. Worldly wore a squirrel fur cap in the evening as well as the daytime; she said it was because it was so warm and comfortable. It was really because she could not do her hair!

Perhaps some one asks about Ernest? At the end of two days of aloof and distasteful idleness, Ernest became quite a human being; invaluable as baiter of worms for the children's fish-hooks, as extra butler, and did not scorn even temporary experiments as kitchen-maid. In fact, he proved the half-hearted recommendation that he "might be useful" so thoroughly that the first person of all to be especially invited for next year and future years, was—exactly—Ernest.



CHAPTER XXVII

NOTES AND SHORTER LETTERS

In writing notes or letters, as in all other forms of social observance, the highest achievement is in giving the appearance of simplicity, naturalness and force.

Those who use long periods of flowered prolixity and pretentious phrases—who write in complicated form with meaningless flourishes, do not make an impression of elegance and erudition upon their readers, but flaunt instead unmistakable evidence of vainglory and ignorance.

The letter you write, whether you realize it or not, is always a mirror which reflects your appearance, taste and character. A "sloppy" letter with the writing all pouring into one corner of the page, badly worded, badly spelled, and with unmatched paper and envelope—even possibly a blot—proclaims the sort of person who would have unkempt hair, unclean linen and broken shoe laces; just as a neat, precise, evenly written note portrays a person of like characteristics. Therefore, while it can not be said with literal accuracy that one may read the future of a person by study of his handwriting, it is true that if a young man wishes to choose a wife in whose daily life he is sure always to find the unfinished task, the untidy mind and the syncopated housekeeping, he may do it quite simply by selecting her from her letters.

HOW TO IMPROVE A LETTER'S APPEARANCE

Some people are fortunate in being able easily to make graceful letters, to space their words evenly, and to put them on a page so that the picture is pleasing; others are discouraged at the outset because their fingers are clumsy, and their efforts crude; but no matter how badly formed each individual letter may be, if the writing is consistent throughout, the page as a whole looks fairly well.

You can make yourself write neatly and legibly. You can (with the help of a dictionary if necessary) spell correctly; you can be sure that you understand the meaning of every word you use. If it is hard for you to write in a straight line, use the lined guide that comes with nearly all stationery; if impossible to keep an even margin, draw a perpendicular line at the left of the guide so that you can start each new line of writing on it. You can also make a guide to slip under the envelope. Far better to use a guide than to send envelopes and pages of writing that slide up hill and down, in uncontrolled disorder.



CHOICE OF WRITING PAPER

Suitability should be considered in choosing note paper, as well as in choosing a piece of furniture for a house. For a handwriting which is habitually large, a larger sized paper should be chosen than for writing which is small. The shape of paper should also depend somewhat upon the spacing of the lines which is typical of the writer, and whether a wide or narrow margin is used. Low, spread-out writing looks better on a square sheet of paper; tall, pointed writing looks better on paper that is high and narrow. Selection of paper whether rough or smooth is entirely a matter of personal choice—so that the quality be good, and the shape and color conservative.

Paper should never be ruled, or highly scented, or odd in shape, or have elaborate or striking ornamentation. Some people use smaller paper for notes, or correspondence cards, cut to the size of the envelopes. Others use the same size for all correspondence and leave a wider margin in writing notes.

The flap of the envelope should be plain and the point not unduly long. If the flap is square instead of being pointed, it may be allowed greater length without being eccentric. Colored linings to envelopes are at present in fashion. Thin white paper, with monogram or address stamped in gray to match gray tissue lining of the envelope is, for instance, in very best taste. Young girls may be allowed quite gay envelope linings, but the device on the paper must be minute, in proportion to the gaiety of the color.



Writing paper for a man should always be strictly conservative. Plain white or gray or granite paper, large in size and stamped in the simplest manner. The size should be 5-3/4 x 7-1/2 or 6 x 8 or 5-1/8 x 8-1/8 or thereabouts.

A paper suitable for the use of all the members of a family has the address stamped in black or dark color, in plain letters at the top of the first page. More often than not the telephone number is put in very small letters under that of the address, a great convenience in the present day of telephoning. For example:

350 PARK AVENUE TELEPHONE 7572 PLAZA

DEVICES FOR STAMPING

As there is no such thing as heraldry in America, the use of a coat of arms is as much a foreign custom as the speaking of a foreign tongue; but in certain communities where old families have used their crests continuously since the days when they brought their device—and their right to it—from Europe, the use of it is suitable and proper. The sight of this or that crest on a carriage or automobile in New York or Boston announces to all those who have lived their lives in either city that the vehicle belongs to a member of this or that family. But for some one without an inherited right to select a lion rampant or a stag couchant because he thinks it looks stylish, is as though, for the same reason, he changed his name from Muggins to Marmaduke, and quite properly subjects him to ridicule. (Strictly speaking, a woman has the right to use a "lozenge" only; since in heraldic days women did not bear arms, but no one in this country follows heraldic rule to this extent.)

THE PERSONAL DEVICE

It is occasionally the fancy of artists or young girls to adopt some especial symbol associated with themselves. The "butterfly" of Whistler for instance is as well-known as his name. A painter of marines has the small outline of a ship stamped on his writing paper, and a New York architect the capital of an Ionic column. A generation ago young women used to fancy such an intriguing symbol as a mask, a sphinx, a question mark, or their own names, if their names were such as could be pictured. There can be no objection to one's appropriation of such an emblem if one fancies it. But Lilly, Belle, Dolly and Kitten are Lillian, Isabel, Dorothy and Katherine in these days, and appropriate hall-marks are not easily found.

COUNTRY HOUSE STATIONERY: FOR A BIG HOUSE

In selecting paper for a country house we go back to the subject of suitability. A big house in important grounds should have very plain, very dignified letter paper. It may be white or tinted blue or gray. The name of the place should be engraved, in the center usually, at the top of the first page. It may be placed left, or right, as preferred. Slanting across the upper corners or in a list at the upper left side, may be put as many addresses as necessary. Many persons use a whole row of small devices in outline, the engine of a train and beside it Ardmoor, meaning that Ardmoor is the railroad station. A telegraph pole, an envelope, a telephone instrument—and beside each an address. These devices are suitable for all places, whether they are great or tiny, that have different addresses for railroad, post-office, telephone telegraph.



For the Little House

On the other hand, farmhouses and little places in the country may have very bright-colored stamping, as well as gay-lined envelopes. Places with easily illustrated names quite often have them pictured; the "Bird-cage," for instance, may have a bright blue paper with a bird-cage in supposed red lacquer; the "Bandbox," a fantastically decorated milliner's box on oyster gray paper, the envelope lining of black and gray pin stripes, and the "Doll's House" might use the outline of a doll's house in grass green on green-bordered white paper, and white envelopes lined with grass green. Each of these devices must be as small as the outline of a cherry pit and the paper of the smallest size that comes. (Envelopes 3-1/2 x 5 inches or paper 4 x 6 and envelopes the same size to hold paper without folding.)



It is foolish perhaps to give the description of such papers, for their fashion is but of the moment. A jeweler from Paris has been responsible for their present vogue in New York, and his clientele is only among the young and smart. Older and more conservative women (and, of course, all men) keep to the plain fashion of yesterday, which will just as surely be the fashion of to-morrow.

MOURNING PAPER

Persons who are in mourning use black-edged visiting cards, letter paper and envelopes. The depth of black corresponds with the depth of mourning and the closeness of relation to the one who has gone, the width decreasing as one's mourning lightens. The width of black to use is a matter of personal taste and feeling. A very heavy border (from 3/8 to 7/16 of an inch) announces the deepest retirement.

DATING A LETTER

Usually the date is put at the upper right hand of the first page of a letter, or at the end, and to the left of the signature, of a note. It is far less confusing for one's correspondent to read January 9, 1920, than 1-9-20. Theoretically, one should write out the date in full: the ninth of January, Nineteen hundred and twenty-one. That, however, is the height of pedantry, and an unswallowable mouthful at the top of any page not a document.

At the end of a note "Thursday" is sufficient unless the note is an invitation for more than a week ahead, in which case write as in a letter, "January 9" or "the ninth of January." The year is not necessary since it can hardly be supposed to take a year for a letter's transportation.

SEQUENCE OF PAGES

If a note is longer than one page, the third page is usually next, as this leaves the fourth blank and prevents the writing from showing through the envelope. With heavy or tissue-lined envelopes, the fourth is used as often as the third. In letters one may write first, second, third, fourth, in regular order; or first and fourth, then, opening the sheet and turning it sideways, write across the two inside pages as one. Many prefer to write on first, third, then sideways across second and fourth. In certain cities—Boston, for instance—the last word on a page is repeated at the top of the next. It is undoubtedly a good idea, but makes a stuttering impression upon one not accustomed to it.

FOLDING A NOTE

As to whether a letter is folded in such a way that the recipient shall read the contents without having to turn the paper, is giving too much importance to nothing. It is sufficient if the paper is folded neatly, once, of course, for the envelope that is half the length of the paper, and twice for the envelope that is a third.

SEALING WAX

If you use sealing wax, let us hope you are an adept at making an even and smoothly finished seal. Choose a plain-colored wax rather than one speckled with metal. With the sort of paper described for country houses, or for young people, or those living in studios or bungalows, gay sealing wax may be quite alluring, especially if it can be persuaded to pour smoothly like liquid, and not to look like a streaked and broken off slice of dough. In days when envelopes were unknown, all letters had to be sealed, hence when envelopes were made, the idea obtained that it was improper to use both gum-arabic and wax. Strictly speaking this may be true, but since all envelopes have mucilage, it would be unreasonable to demand that those who like to use sealing wax have their envelopes made to order.

FORM OF ADDRESS

The most formal beginning of a social letter is "My dear Mrs. Smith." (The fact that in England "Dear Mrs. Smith" is more formal does not greatly concern us in America.) "Dear Mrs. Smith," "Dear Sarah," "Dear Sally," "Sally dear," "Dearest Sally," "Darling Sally," are increasingly intimate.

Business letters begin:

Smith, Johnson & Co., 20 Broadway, New York.

Dear Sirs:

Or if more personal:

John Smith & Co., 20 Broadway, New York.

My Dear Mr. Smith:

THE COMPLIMENTARY CLOSE

The close of a business letter should be "Yours truly," or "Yours very truly." "Respectfully" is used only by a tradesman to a customer, an employee to an employer, or by an inferior, never by a person of equal position. No lady should ever sign a letter "respectfully," not even were she writing to a queen. If an American lady should have occasion to write to a queen, she should conclude her letter "I have the honor to remain, Madam, your most obedient." (For address and close of letters to persons of title, see table at the end of this chapter.)

CLOSE OF PERSONAL NOTES AND LETTERS

It is too bad that the English language does not permit the charming and graceful closing of all letters in the French manner, those little flowers of compliment that leave such a pleasant fragrance after reading. But ever since the Eighteenth Century the English-speaking have been busy pruning away all ornament of expression; even the last remaining graces, "kindest regards," "with kindest remembrances," are fast disappearing, leaving us nothing but an abrupt "Yours truly," or "Sincerely yours."

Closing a Formal Note

The best ending to a formal social note is, "Sincerely," "Sincerely yours," "Very sincerely," "Very sincerely yours," "Yours always sincerely," or "Always sincerely yours."

"I remain, dear madam," is no longer in use, but "Believe me" is still correct when formality is to be expressed in the close of a note.

Believe me Very sincerely yours,

or

Believe me, my dear Mrs. Worldly, Most sincerely yours,

This last is an English form, but it is used by quite a number of Americans—particularly those who have been much abroad.

Appropriate for a Man

"Faithfully" or "Faithfully yours" is a very good signature for a man in writing to a woman, or in any uncommercial correspondence, such as a letter to the President of the United States, a member of the Cabinet, an Ambassador, a clergyman, etc.

The Intimate Closing

"Affectionately yours," "Always affectionately," "Affectionately," "Devotedly," "Lovingly," "Your loving" are in increasing scale of intimacy.

"Lovingly" is much more intimate than "Affectionately" and so is "Devotedly."

"Sincerely" in formal notes and "Affectionately" in intimate notes are the two adverbs most used in the present day, and between these two there is a blank; in English we have no expression to fit sentiment more friendly than the first nor one less intimate than the second.

Not Good Form

"Cordially" was coined no doubt to fill this need, but its self-consciousness puts it in the category with "residence" and "retire," and all the other offenses of pretentiousness, and in New York, at least, it is not used by people of taste.

"Warmly yours" is unspeakable.

"Yours in haste" or "Hastily yours" is not bad form, but is rather carelessly rude.

"In a tearing hurry" is a termination dear to the boarding school girl; but its truth does not make it any more attractive than the vision of that same young girl rushing into a room with her hat and coat half on, to swoop upon her mother with a peck of a kiss, and with a "—by, mamma!" whirl out again! Turmoil and flurry may be characteristic of the manners of to-day; both are far from the ideal of beautiful manners which should be as assured, as smooth, as controlled as the running of a high-grade automobile. Flea-like motions are no better suited to manners than to motors.

Other Endings

"Gratefully" is used only when a benefit has been received, as to a lawyer who has skilfully handled a case; to a surgeon who has saved a life dear to you; to a friend who has been put to unusual trouble to do you a favor.

In an ordinary letter of thanks, the signature is "Sincerely," "Affectionately," "Devotedly"—as the case may be.

The phrases that a man might devise to dose a letter to his betrothed or his wife are bound only by the limit of his imagination and do not belong in this, or any, book.

THE SIGNATURE

Abroad, the higher the rank, the shorter the name. A duke, for instance, signs himself "Marlborough," nothing else, and a queen her first name "Victoria." The social world in Europe, therefore, laughs at us for using our whole names, or worse yet, inserting meaningless initials in our signatures. Etiquette in accord with Europe also objects strenuously to initials and demands that names be always engraved, and, if possible, written in full, but only very correct people strictly observe this rule.

In Europe all persons have so many names given them in baptism that they are forced, naturally, to lay most of them aside, selecting one, or at most two, for use. In America, the names bestowed at baptism become inseparably part of each individual, so that if the name is overlong, a string of initials is the inevitable result.

Since, in America, it is not customary for a man to discard any of his names, and John Hunter Titherington Smith is far too much of a pen-full for the one who signs thousands of letters and documents, it is small wonder that he chooses J.H.T. Smith, instead, or perhaps, at the end of personal letters, John H.T. Smith. Why shouldn't he? It is, after all, his own name to sign as he chooses, and in addressing him deference to his choice should be shown.

A married woman should always sign a letter to a stranger, a bank, business firm, etc., with her baptismal name, and add, in parenthesis, her married name. Thus:

Very truly yours, Sarah Robinson Smith. (Mrs. J.H. Titherington Smith.)

Never under any circumstances sign a letter "Mr.", "Mrs.", or "Miss" (except a note written in the third person). If, in the example above, Sarah Robinson Smith were "Miss" she would put "Miss" in parenthesis to the left of her signature:

(Miss) Sarah Robinson Smith.

THE SUPERSCRIPTION

Formal invitations are always addressed to Mr. Stanley Smith; all other personal letters may be addressed to Stanley Smith, Esq. The title of Esquire formerly was used to denote the eldest son of a knight or members of a younger branch of a noble house. Later all graduates of universities, professional and literary men, and important landholders were given the right to this title, which even to-day denotes a man of education—a gentleman. John Smith, esquire, is John Smith, gentleman. Mr. John Smith may be a gentleman; or may not be one. And yet, as noted above, all engraved invitations are addressed "Mr."

Never under any circumstances address a social letter or note to a married woman, even if she is a widow, as Mrs. Mary Town. A widow is still Mrs. James Town. If her son's wife should have the same name, she becomes Mrs. James Town, Sr., or simply Mrs. Town.

A divorced woman, if she was the innocent person, retains the right if she chooses, to call herself Mrs. John Brown Smith, but usually she prefers to take her own surname. Supposing her to have been Mary Simpson, she calls herself Mrs. Simpson Smith. If a lady is the wife or widow of "the head of a family" she may call herself Mrs. Smith, even on visiting cards and invitations.

The eldest daughter is Miss Smith; her younger sister, Miss Jane Smith.

Invitations to children are addressed, Miss Katherine Smith and Master Robert Smith.

Do not write "The Messrs. Brown" in addressing a father and son. "The Messrs. Brown" is correct only for unmarried brothers.

Although one occasionally sees an envelope addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Jones," and "Miss Jones" written underneath the names of her parents, it is better form to send a separate invitation addressed to Miss Jones alone. A wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Jones and family is not in good taste. Even if the Jones children are young, the Misses Jones should receive a separate envelope, and so should Master Jones.

ONE LAST REMARK

Write the name and address on the envelope as precisely and as legibly as you can. The post-office has enough to do in deciphering the letters of the illiterate, without being asked to do unnecessary work for you!

BUSINESS LETTERS

Business letters written by a private individual differ very little from those sent out from a business house. A lady never says "Yours of the 6th received and contents noted," or "Yours to hand," nor does she address the firm as "Gentlemen," nor does she ever sign herself "Respectfully." A business letter should be as brief and explicit as possible. For example:

Tuxedo Park New York May 17, 1922

I. Paint & Co., 22 Branch St., New York.

Dear Sirs:

Your estimate for painting my dining-room, library, south bedroom, and dressing-room is satisfactory, and you may proceed with the work as soon as possible.

I find, on the other hand, that wainscoting the hall comes to more than I had anticipated, and I have decided to leave it as it is for the present.

Very truly yours, C.R. Town. (Mrs. James Town)

THE SOCIAL NOTE

There should be no more difficulty in writing a social note than in writing a business letter; each has a specific message for its sole object and the principle of construction is the same:

* Date Address (on business letter only)

Salutation:

The statement of whatever is the purpose of the note.

Complimentary close, Signature. * Or date here

The difference in form between a business and a social note is that the full name and address of the person written to is never put in the latter, better quality stationery is used, and the salutation is "My dear ——" or "Dear ——" instead of "Dear Sir:"

Example:

350 Park Avenue

Dear Mrs. Robinson:

I am enclosing the list I promised you—Luberge makes the most beautiful things. Mower, the dressmaker, has for years made clothes for me, and I think Revaud the best milliner in Paris. Leonie is a "little milliner" who often has pretty blouses as well as hats and is very reasonable.

I do hope the addresses will be of some use to you, and that you will have a delightful trip,

Very sincerely, Martha Kindhart.

Thursday.

THE NOTE OF APOLOGY

Examples:

I

BROADLAWNS

Dear Mrs. Town:

I do deeply apologize for my seeming rudeness in having to send the message about Monday night.

When I accepted your invitation, I stupidly forgot entirely that Monday was a holiday and that all of my own guests, naturally, were not leaving until Tuesday morning, and Arthur and I could not therefore go out by ourselves and leave them!

We were too disappointed and hope that you know how sorry we were not to be with you.

Very sincerely, Ethel Norman. Tuesday morning.

II

Dear Mrs. Neighbor:

My gardener has just told me that our chickens got into your flower beds, and did a great deal of damage.

The chicken netting is being built higher at this moment and they will not be able to damage anything again. I shall, of course, send Patrick to put in shrubs to replace those broken, although I know that ones newly planted cannot compensate for those you have lost, and I can only ask you to accept my contrite apologies.

Always sincerely yours, Katherine de Puyster Eminent.

LETTERS OF THANKS

In the following examples of letters intimate and from young persons, such profuse expressions as "divine," "awfully," "petrified," "too sweet," "too wonderful," are purposely inserted, because to change all of the above enthusiasms into "pleased with," "very," "feared," "most kind," would be to change the vitality of the "real" letters into smug and self-conscious utterances at variance with anything ever written by young men and women of to-day. Even the letters of older persons, although they are more restrained than those of youth, avoid anything suggesting pedantry and affectation.

Do not from this suppose that well-bred people write badly! On the contrary, perfect simplicity and freedom from self-consciousness are possible only to those who have acquired at least some degree of cultivation. For flagrant examples of pretentiousness (which is the infallible sign of lack of breeding), see page 61. For simplicity of expression, such as is unattainable to the rest of us, but which we can at least strive to emulate, read first the Bible; then at random one might suggest such authors as Robert Louis Stevenson, E.S. Martin, Agnes Repplier, John Galsworthy and Max Beerbohm. E.V. Lucas has written two novels in letter form—which illustrate the best type of present day letter-writing.

LETTERS OF THANKS FOR WEDDING PRESENTS

Although all wedding presents belong to the bride, she generally words her letters of thanks as though they belonged equally to the groom, especially if they have been sent by particular friends of his.

To Intimate Friends of the Groom

Dear Mrs. Norman:

To think of your sending us all this wonderful glass! It is simply divine, and Jim and I both thank you a thousand times!

The presents are, of course, to be shown on the day of the wedding, but do come in on Tuesday at tea time for an earlier view.

Thanking you again, and with love from us both,

Affectionately, Mary.

Formal

I

Dear Mrs. Gilding:

It was more than sweet of you and Mr. Gilding to send us such a lovely clock. Thank you, very, very much.

Looking forward to seeing you on the tenth,

Very sincerely, Mary Smith.

Sometimes, as in the two examples above, thanks to the husband are definitely expressed in writing to the wife. Usually, however, "you" is understood to mean "you both."

II

Dear Mrs. Worldly:

All my life I have wanted a piece of jade, but in my wanting I have never imagined one quite so beautiful as the one you have sent me. It was wonderfully sweet of you and I thank you more than I can tell you for the pleasure you have given me.

Affectionately, Mary Smith.

III.

Dear Mrs. Eminent:

Thank you for these wonderful prints. They go too beautifully with some old English ones that Jim's uncle sent us, and our dining-room will be quite perfect—as to walls!

Hoping that you are surely coming to the wedding,

Very sincerely, Mary Smith.

To a Friend Who Is in Deep Mourning

Dear Susan:

With all you have on your heart just now, it was so sweet and thoughtful of you to go out and buy me a present, and such a beautiful one! I love it—and your thought of me in sending it—and I thank you more than I can tell you.

Devotedly, Mary.

Very Intimate

Dear Aunt Kate:

Really you are too generous—it is outrageous of you—but, of course, it is the most beautiful bracelet! And I am so excited oven it, I hardly know what I am doing. You are too good to me and you spoil me, but I do love you, and it, and thank you with all my heart.

Mary.

Intimate

Dear Mrs. Neighbor:

The tea cloth is perfectly exquisite! I have never seen such beautiful work! I appreciate your lovely gift more than I can tell you, both for its own sake and for your kindness in making it for me.

Don't forget, you are coming in on Tuesday afternoon to see the presents.

Lovingly, Mary.

Sometimes pushing people send presents, when they are not asked to the wedding, in the hope of an invitation. Sometimes others send presents, when they are not asked, merely through kindly feeling toward a young couple on the threshold of life. It ought not to be difficult to distinguish between the two.

I

My Dear Mrs. Upstart:

Thank you for the very handsome candlesticks you sent us. They were a great surprize, but it was more than kind of you to think of us.

Very sincerely, Mary Smith.

II

Dear Mrs. Kindly:

I can't tell you how sweet I think it of you to send us such a lovely present, and Jim and I both hope that when we are in our own home, you will see them often at our table.

Thanking you many times for your thought of us,

Very sincerely, Mary Smith.

For a Present Sent After the Wedding

Dear Mrs. Chatterton:

The mirror you sent us is going over our drawing-room mantel just as soon as we can hang it up! It is exactly what we most needed and we both thank you ever so much.

Please come in soon to see how becoming it will be to the room.

Yours affectionately, Mary Smith Smartlington.

THANKS FOR CHRISTMAS OR OTHER PRESENTS

Dear Lucy:

I really think it was adorable of you to have a chair like yours made for me. It was worth adding a year to my age for such a nice birthday present. Jack says I am never going to have a chance to sit in it, however, if he gets there first, and even the children look at it with longing. At all events, I am perfectly enchanted with it, and thank you ever and ever so much.

Affectionately, Sally.



Dear Uncle Arthur:

I know I oughtn't to have opened it until Christmas, but I couldn't resist the look of the package, and then putting it on at once! So I am all dressed up in your beautiful chain. It is one of the loveliest things I have ever seen and I certainly am lucky to have it given to me I Thank you a thousand—and then more—times for it.

Rosalie.

Dear Kate:

I am fascinated with my utility box—it is too beguiling for words! You are the cleverest one anyway for finding what no one else can—and every one wants. I don't know how you do it! And you certainly were sweet to think of me. Thank you, dear.

Ethel.

THANKS FOR PRESENT TO A BABY

Dear Mrs. Kindhart:

Of course it would be! Because no one else can sew like you! The sacque you made the baby is the prettiest thing I have ever seen, and is perfectly adorable on her! Thank you, as usual, you dear Mrs. Kindhart, for your goodness to

Your affectionate, Sally.



Dear Mrs. Norman:

Thank you ever so much for the lovely afghan you sent the baby. It is by far the prettiest one he has; it is so soft and close—he doesn't get his fingers tangled in it.

Do come in and see him, won't you? We are both allowed visitors (especial ones) every day between 4 and 5.30!

Affectionately always, Lucy.

THE BREAD AND BUTTER LETTER

When you have been staying over Sunday, or for longer, in some one's house, it is absolutely necessary that you write a letter of thanks to your hostess within a few days after the visit.

"Bread and butter letters," as they are called, are the stumbling-blocks of visitors. Why they are so difficult for nearly every one is hard to determine, unless it is that they are often written to persons with whom you are on formal terms, and the letter should be somewhat informal in tone. Very likely you have been visiting a friend, and must write to her mother, whom you scarcely know; perhaps you have been included in a large and rather formal house party and the hostess is an acquaintance rather than a friend; or perhaps you are a bride and have been on a first visit to relatives or old friends of your husband's, but strangers, until now, to you.

As an example of the first, where you have been visiting a girl friend and must write a letter to her mother, you begin "Dear Mrs. Town" at the top of a page, and nothing in the forbidding memory of Mrs. Town encourages you to go further. It would be easy enough to write to Pauline, the daughter. Very well, write to Pauline then—on an odd piece of paper, in pencil, what a good time you had, how nice it was to be with her. Then copy your note composed to Pauline off on the page beginning "Dear Mrs. Town." You have only to add, "love to Pauline, and thanking you again for asking me," sign it "Very sincerely," and there you are!

Don't be afraid that your note is too informal; older people are always pleased with any expressions from the young that seem friendly and spontaneous. Never think, because you can not easily write a letter, that it is better not to write at all. The most awkward note that can be imagined is better than none—for to write none is the depth of rudeness, whereas the awkward note merely fails to delight.

EXAMPLES

From a Young Woman to a Formal Hostess After a House Party

Dear Mrs. Norman:

I don't know when I ever had such a good time as I did at Broadlawns. Thank you a thousand times for asking me. As it happened, the first persons I saw on Monday at the Towns' dinner were Celia and Donald. We immediately had a threesome conversation on the wonderful time we all had over Sunday.

Thanking you again for your kindness to me,

Very sincerely yours, Grace Smalltalk.

To a Formal Hostess After an Especially Amusing Week-End

Dear Mrs. Worldly:

Every moment at Great Estates was a perfect delight! I am afraid my work at the office this morning was down to zero in efficiency; so perhaps it is just as well, if I am to keep my job, that the average week-end in the country is different—very. Thank you all the same, for the wonderful time you gave us all, and believe me

Faithfully yours, Frederick Bachelor.

Dear Mrs. Worldly:

Every time I come from Great Estates, I realize again that there is no house to which I always go with so much pleasure, and leave on Monday morning with so much regret.

Your party over this last week-end was simply wonderful! And thank you ever so much for having included me.

Always sincerely, Constance Style.

From a Young Couple

Dear Mrs. Town:

We had a perfect time at Tuxedo over Sunday and it was so good of you to include us. Jack says he is going to practise putting the way Mr. Town showed him, and maybe the next time he plays in a foursome he won't be such a handicap to his partner.

Thanking you both for the pleasure you gave us,

Affectionately yours, Sally Titherington Littlehouse

From a Bride to Her New Relatives-in-Law

A letter that was written by a bride after paying a first visit to her husband's aunt and uncle won for her at a stroke the love of the whole family.

This is the letter:

Dear "Aunt Annie":

Now that it is all over, I have a confession to make! Do you know that when Dick drove me up to your front door and I saw you and Uncle Bob standing on the top step—I was simply paralyzed with fright!

"Suppose they don't like me," was all that I could think. Of course, I knew you loved Dick—but that only made it worse. How awful, if you couldn't like me! The reason I stumbled coming up the steps was because my knees were actually knocking together! You remember, Uncle Bob sang out it was good I was already married, or I wouldn't be this year? And then—you were both so perfectly adorable to me—and you made me feel as though I had always been your niece—and not just the wife of your nephew.

I loved every minute of our being with you, dear Aunt Annie, just as much as Dick did, and we hope you are going to let us come soon again.

With best love from us both,

Your affectionate niece, Helen.

The above type of letter would not serve perhaps if Dick's aunt had been a forbidding and austere type of woman; but even such a one would be far more apt to take a new niece to her heart if the new niece herself gave evidence of having one.

After Visiting a Friend

Dear Kate:

It was hideously dull and stuffy in town this morning after the fresh coolness of Strandholm. The back yard is not an alluring outlook after the wide spaces and delicious fragrance of your garden.

It was good being with you and I enjoyed every moment. Don't forget you are lunching here on the 16th and that we are going to hear Kreisler together.

Devotedly always, Caroline.

From a Man Who Has Been Ill and Convalescing at a Friend's House

Dear Martha:

I certainly hated taking that train this morning and realizing that the end had come to my peaceful days. You and John and the children, and your place, which is the essence of all that a "home" ought to be, have put me on my feet again. I thank you much—much more than I can say for the wonderful goodness of all of you.

Fred.

From a Woman Who Has Been Visiting a Very Old Friend

I loved my visit with you, dear Mary; it was more than good to be with you and have a chance for long talks at your fireside. Don't forget your promise to come here in May! I told Sam and Hettie you were coming, and now the whole town is ringing with the news, and every one is planning a party for you.

David sends "his best" to you and Charlie, and you know you always have the love of

Your devoted Pat.

To an Acquaintance

After a visit to a formal acquaintance or when some one has shown you especial hospitality in a city where you are a stranger:

My dear Mrs. Duluth:

It was more than good of you to give my husband and me so much pleasure. We enjoyed, and appreciated, all your kindness to us more than we can say.

We hope that you and Mr. Duluth may be coming East before long and that we may then have the pleasure of seeing you at Strandholm.

In the meanwhile, thanking you for your generous hospitality, and with kindest regards to you both, in which my husband joins, believe me,

Very sincerely yours, Katherine de Puyster Eminent.

AN ENGRAVED CARD OF THANKS

An engraved card of thanks is proper only when sent by a public official to acknowledge the overwhelming number of congratulatory messages he must inevitably receive from strangers, when he has carried an election or otherwise been honored with the confidence of his State or country. A recent and excellent example follows:

EXECUTIVE MANSION

My dear....

I warmly appreciate your kind message of congratulation which has given me a great deal of pleasure, and sincerely wish that it were possible for me to acknowledge it in a less formal manner.

Faithfully,

(signed by hand)

An engraved form of thanks for sympathy, also from one in public life, is presented in the following example:

Mr. John Smith wishes to express his deep gratitude and to thank you for your kind expression of sympathy

But remember: an engraved card sent by a private individual to a personal friend, is not "stylish" or smart, but rude. (See also engraved acknowledgment of sympathy, pages 406-7.)

THE LETTER OF INTRODUCTION

A letter of business introduction can be much more freely given than a letter of social introduction. For the former it is necessary merely that the persons introduced have business interests in common—which are much more easily determined than social compatibility, which is the requisite necessary for the latter. It is, of course, proper to give your personal representative a letter of introduction to whomever you send him.

On the subject of letters of social introduction there is one chief rule:

Never ask for letters of introduction, and be very sparing in your offers to write or accept them.

Seemingly few persons realize that a letter of social introduction is actually a draft for payment on demand. The form might as well be: "The bearer of this has (because of it) the right to demand your interest, your time, your hospitality—liberally and at once, no matter what your inclination may be."

Therefore, it is far better to refuse in the beginning, than to hedge and end by committing the greater error of unwarrantedly inconveniencing a valued friend or acquaintance.

When you have a friend who is going to a city where you have other friends, and you believe that it will be a mutual pleasure for them to meet, a letter of introduction is proper and very easy to write, but sent to a casual acquaintance—no matter how attractive or distinguished the person to be introduced—it is a gross presumption.

THE MORE FORMAL NOTE OF INTRODUCTION

Dear Mrs. Marks:

Julian Gibbs is going to Buffalo on January tenth to deliver a lecture on his Polar expedition, and I am sending him a card of introduction to you. He is very agreeable personally, and I think that perhaps you and Mr. Marks will enjoy meeting him as much as I know he would enjoy knowing you.

With kindest regards, in which Arthur joins,

Very sincerely, Ethel Norman.

If Mr. Norman were introducing one man to another he would give his card to the former, inscribed as follows:

[HW: Introducing Julian Gibbs]

MR. ARTHUR LEES NORMAN

BROADLAWNS

Also Mr. Norman would send a private letter by mail, telling his friend that Mr. Gibbs is coming, as follows:

Dear Marks:

I am giving Julian Gibbs a card of introduction to you when he goes to Buffalo on the tenth to lecture. He is an entertaining and very decent fellow, and I think possibly Mrs. Marks would enjoy meeting him. If you can conveniently ask him to your house, I know he would appreciate it; if not, perhaps you will put him up for a day or two at a club.

Faithfully, Arthur Norman.

INFORMAL LETTER OF INTRODUCTION

Dear Claire:

A very great friend of ours, James Dawson, is to be in Chicago for several weeks. Any kindness that you can show him will be greatly appreciated by

Yours as always, Ethel Norman.

At the same time a second and private letter of information is written and sent by mail:

Dear Claire:

I wrote you a letter to-day introducing Jim Dawson. He used to be on the Yalvard football team, perhaps you remember. He is one of the best sort in the world and I know you will like him. I don't want to put you to any trouble, but do ask him to your house if you can. He plays a wonderful game of golf and a good game of bridge, but he is more a man's than a woman's type of man. Maybe if Tom likes him, he will put him up at a club as he is to be in Chicago for some weeks.

Affectionately always, Ethel.

Another example:

Dear Caroline:

A very dear friend of mine, Mrs. Fred West, is going to be in New York this winter, while her daughter is at Barnard. I am asking her to take this letter to you as I want very much to have her meet you and have her daughter meet Pauline. Anything that you can do for them will be the same as for me!

Yours affectionately, Sylvia Greatlake.

The private letter by mail to accompany the foregoing:

Dearest Caroline:

Mildred West, for whom I wrote to you this morning, is a very close friend of mine. She is going to New York with her only daughter—who, in spite of wanting a college education, is as pretty as a picture, with plenty of come-hither in the eye—so do not be afraid that the typical blue-stocking is to be thrust upon Pauline! The mother is an altogether lovely person and I know that you and she will speak the same language—if I didn't, I wouldn't give her a letter to you. Do go to see her as soon as you can; she will be stopping at the Fitz-Cherry and probably feeling rather lost at first. She wants to take an apartment for the winter and I told her I was sure you would know the best real estate and intelligence offices, etc., for her to go to.

I hope I am not putting you to any trouble about her, but she is really a darling and you will like her I know.

Devotedly yours, Sylvia.

Directions for procedure upon being given (or receiving) a letter of introduction will be found on pages 16 and 17.

THE THIRD PERSON

In other days when even verbal messages began with the "presenting of compliments," a social note, no matter what its length or purport, would have been considered rude, unless written in the third person. But as in a communication of any length the difficulty of this form is almost insurmountable (to say nothing of the pedantic effect of its accomplishment), it is no longer chosen—aside from the formal invitation, acceptance and regret—except for notes to stores or subordinates. For example:

Will B. Stern & Co. please send (and charge) to Mrs. John H. Smith, 2 Madison Avenue,

1 paper of needles No. 9 2 spools white sewing Cotton No. 70 1 yard of material (sample enclosed).

January 6.

To a servant:

Mrs. Eminent wishes Patrick to meet her at the station on Tuesday the eighth at 11.03. She also wishes him to have the shutters opened and the house aired on that day, and a fire lighted in the northwest room. No provisions will be necessary as Mrs. Eminent is returning to town on the 5.16.

Tuesday, March 1.

Letters in the third person are no longer signed unless the sender's signature is necessary for identification, or for some action on the part of the receiver, such as

Will Mr. Cash please give the bearer six yards of material to match the sample enclosed, and oblige,

Mrs. John H. Smith.[A]

[Footnote A: A note in 3rd person is the single occasion when a married woman signs "Mrs." before her name.]

THE LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION

A letter of recommendation for membership to a club is addressed to the secretary and should be somewhat in this form:

To the Secretary of the Town Club.

My dear Mrs. Brown:

Mrs. Titherington Smith, whose name is posted for membership, is a very old and close friend of mine. She is the daughter of the late Rev. Samuel Eminent and is therefore a member in her own right, as well as by marriage, of representative New York families.

She is a person of much charm and distinction, and her many friends will agree with me, I am sure, in thinking that she would be a valuable addition to the club.

Very sincerely, Ethel Norman.

RECOMMENDATION OF EMPLOYEES

Although the written recommendation that is given to the employee carries very little weight, compared to the slip from the employment agencies where either "yes" or "no" has to be answered to a list of specific and important questions, one is nevertheless put in a trying position when reporting on an unsatisfactory servant.

Either a poor reference must be given—possibly preventing a servant from earning her living—or one has to write what is not true. Consequently it has become the custom to say what one truthfully can of good, and leave out the qualifications that are bad (except in the case of a careless nurse, where evasion would border on the criminal).

That solves the poor recommendation problem pretty well; but unless one is very careful this consideration for the "poor" one, is paid for by the "good." In writing for a very worthy servant therefore, it is of the utmost importance in fairness to her (or him) to put in every merit that you can think of, remembering that omission implies demerit in each trait of character not mentioned. All good references should include honesty, sobriety, capability, and a reason, other than their unsatisfactoriness, for their leaving. The recommendation for a nurse can not be too conscientiously written.

A lady does not begin a recommendation: "To whom it may concern," nor "This is to certify," although housekeepers and head servants writing recommendations use both of these forms, and "third person" letters, are frequently written by secretaries.

A lady in giving a good reference should write:

Two Hundred Park Square.

Selma Johnson has lived with me for two years as cook.

I have found her honest, sober, industrious, neat in her person as well as her work, of amiable disposition and a very good cook.

She is leaving to my great regret because I am closing my house for the winter.

Selma is an excellent servant in every way and I shall be glad to answer personally any inquiries about her.

Josephine Smith. (Mrs. Titherington Smith) October, 1921.



The form of all recommendations is the same:

—— has lived with me —— months years as ——. I have found him/ her ——. He/She is leaving because ——.

(Any special remark of added recommendation or showing interest)

—— (Mrs. ——)

Date.

LETTERS OF CONGRATULATION

LETTER OF CONGRATULATION ON ENGAGEMENT

Dear Mary:

While we are not altogether surprized, we are both delighted to hear the good news. Jim's family and ours are very close, as you know, and we have always been especially devoted to Jim. He is one of the finest—and now luckiest, of young men, and we send you both every good wish for all possible happiness.

Affectionately, Ethel Norman.

Just a line, dear Jim, to tell you how glad we all are to hear of your happiness. Mary is everything that is lovely and, of course, from our point of view, we don't think her exactly unfortunate either! Every good wish that imagination can think of goes to you from your old friends.

Ethel and Arthur Norman.

I can't tell you, dearest Mary, of all the wishes I send for your happiness. Give Jim my love and tell him how lucky I think he is, and how much I hope all good fortune will come to you both.

Lovingly, Aunt Kate.

CONGRATULATION ON SOME ESPECIAL SUCCESS

My dear Mrs. Brown:

We have just heard of the honors that your son has won. How proud you must be of him! We are both so glad for him and for you. Please congratulate him for us, and believe me,

Very sincerely, Ethel Norman.

Or:

Dear Mrs. Brown:

We are so glad to hear the good news of David's success; it was a very splendid accomplishment and we are all so proud of him and of you. Please give him our love and congratulations, and with full measure of both to you,

Affectionately, Martha Kindhart.

CONGRATULATING A FRIEND APPOINTED TO HIGH OFFICE

Dear John:

We are overjoyed at the good news! For once the reward has fallen where it is deserved. Certainly no one is better fitted than yourself for a diplomat's life, and we know you will fill the position to the honor of your country. Please give my love to Alice, and with renewed congratulations to you from us both.

Yours always, Ethel Norman.

Another example:

Dear Michael:

We all rejoice with you in the confirmation of your appointment. The State needs just such men as you—if we had more of your sort the ordinary citizen would have less to worry about. Our best congratulations!

John Kindhart.

THE LETTER OF CONDOLENCE

Intimate letters of condolence are like love letters, in that they are too sacred to follow a set form. One rule, and one only, should guide you in writing such letters. Say what you truly feel. Say that and nothing else. Sit down at your desk, let your thoughts dwell on the person you are writing to.

Don't dwell on the details of illness or the manner of death; don't quote endlessly from the poets and Scriptures. Remember that eyes filmed with tears and an aching heart can not follow rhetorical lengths of writing. The more nearly a note can express a hand-clasp, a thought of sympathy, above all, a genuine love or appreciation of the one who has gone, the greater comfort it brings.

Write as simply as possible and let your heart speak as truly and as briefly as you can. Forget, if you can, that you are using written words, think merely how you feel—then put your feelings on paper—that is all.

Supposing it is a young mother who has died. You think how young and sweet she was—and of her little children, and, literally, your heart aches for them and her husband and her own family. Into your thoughts must come some expression of what she was, and what their loss must be!

Or maybe it is the death of a man who has left a place in the whole community that will be difficult, if not impossible, to fill, and you think of all he stood for that was fine and helpful to others, and how much and sorely he will be missed. Or suppose that you are a returned soldier, and it is a pal who has died. All you can think of is "Poor old Steve—what a peach he was! I don't think anything will ever be the same again without him." Say just that! Ask if there is anything you can do at any time to be of service to his people. There is nothing more to be said. A line, into which you have unconsciously put a little of the genuine feeling that you had for Steve, is worth pages of eloquence.

A letter of condolence may be abrupt, badly constructed, ungrammatical—never mind. Grace of expression counts for nothing; sincerity alone is of value. It is the expression, however clumsily put, of a personal something which was loved, and will ever be missed, that alone brings solace to those who are left. Your message may speak merely of a small incident—something so trifling that in the seriousness of the present, seems not worth recording; but your letter and that of many others, each bringing a single sprig, may plant a whole memory-garden in the hearts of the bereaved.

EXAMPLES OF NOTES AND TELEGRAMS

As has been said above, a letter of condolence must above everything express a genuine sentiment. The few examples are inserted merely as suggestive guides for those at a loss to construct a short but appropriate note or telegram.

Conventional Note to an Acquaintance

I know how little the words of an outsider mean to you just now—but I must tell you how deeply I sympathize with you in your great loss.

Note or Telegram to a Friend

All my sympathy and all my thoughts are with you in your great sorrow. If I can be of any service to you, you know how grateful I shall be.

Telegram to a Very Near Relative or Friend

Words are so empty! If only I knew how to fill them with love and send them to you.

Or:

If love and thoughts could only help you, Margaret dear, you should have all the strength of both that I can give.

Letter Where Death Was Release

The letter to one whose loss is "for the best" is difficult in that you want to express sympathy but can not feel sad that one who has long suffered has found release. The expression of sympathy in this case should not be for the present death, but for the illness, or whatever it was that fell long ago. The grief for a paralysed mother is for the stroke which cut her down many years before, and your sympathy, though you may not have realized it, is for that. You might write:

Your sorrow during all these years—and now—is in my heart; and all my thoughts and sympathy are with you.



HOW TO ADDRESS IMPORTANT PERSONAGES

============================================================================= If you Formal are speaking, beginning of you say: Envelope addressed: a letter: - - - The President Mr. President The President of the Sir: And occasionally United States throughout a or merely conversation, The President, Sir. Washington, D.C. (There is only one "President") - - - The Mr. Vice-President The Vice-President, Sir: Vice-President and then, Sir. Washington, D.C. - - - Justice of Mr. Justice The Hon. William H. Taft, Sir: Supreme Court Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, Washington, D.C. - - - Member of the Mr. Secretary The Secretary of Commerce, Dear Sir: President's Washington, D.C. or: or Cabinet The Hon. Herbert Hoover, Sir: Secretary of Commerce, Washington, D.C. - - - United States Senator Lodge Senator Henry Cabot Lodge, Dear Sir: (or State) Washington, D.C. or Senator or a private letter: Sir: Senator Henry Cabot Lodge, (His house address) - - - Member of Mr. Bell The Hon. H.C. Bell, Jr., Dear Sir: Congress (or or, you may say House of Representatives, or Legislature) Congressman Washington, D.C. Sir: or: State Assembly, Albany, New York. - - - Governor Governor Miller His Excellency, The (The Governor is Governor, Your not called Albany, New York. Excellency: Excellency when spoken to and very rarely when he is announced. But letters are addressed and begun with this title of courtesy.) - - - Mayor Mr. Mayor His Honor the Mayor, Dear Sir: City Hall, Chicago. or Sir: - - - Cardinal Your Eminence His Eminence John Cardinal Your Gibbons, Baltimore, Md. Eminence: ==============================================================================



(section 2) +============+============================================================== Informal Correct titles in beginning: Formal Close: Informal close: introduction: + -+ -+ My dear Mr. I have the honor to President: remain, I have the honor to Most respectfully remain, yours, Yours faithfully, or or The President. I have the honor to I am, dear remain, sir, Mr. President, Your most obedient Yours faithfully. servant. + + -+ -+ My dear Same as for Believe me, The Mr. Vice President. Yours faithfully. Vice-President. President: + + -+ -+ Dear Mr. Believe me, The Chief Justice Justice Yours very truly, or, Taft: or Believe me, if an I have the honor to Yours faithfully. Associate Justice, remain, Mr. Justice Yours very truly. Holmes. + + -+ -+ My dear Mr. The Secretary Secretary: Same as above. Same as above. of Commerce. + + -+ -+ Dear Senator Senator Lodge. Lodge: On very formal Same as above. Same as above. and unusual occasions, Senator Lodge of Massachusetts. + + -+ -+ Dear Mr. Bell. Mr. Bell: Believe me, or Yours very truly. Yours faithfully. Dear Congressman: + + -+ -+ Dear The Governor Governor I have the honor to Believe me, (in his own state) Miller: remain, Yours faithfully. or, (out of it,) Yours faithfully. The Governor of Michigan. + + -+ -+ Dear Mayor Believe me, Yours faithfully. Mayor Rolph. Rolph: Very truly yours. + + -+ -+ Your I have the honor to Eminence: remain, Your Eminence's His Eminence. Your Eminence's humble servant. humble servant. +==============+====================+====================+====================



HOW TO ADDRESS IMPORTANT PERSONAGES

========================================================================= If you are Envelope Formal beginning speaking, you say: addressed: of a letter - - - Roman Catholic Your Grace The Most Reverend Most Reverend Archbishop Michael Corrigan, and dear Sir: (There is no Archbishop of Protestant New York. Archbishop in the United States) - - - Bishop Bishop Manning To the Right Reverend Most Reverend (Whether Roman William T. Manning, and dear Sir: Catholic or Bishop of New York. Protestant.) - - - Priest Father or The Rev. Reverend Father Duffy Michael Duffy. and dear Sir: - - - Protestant Mr. Saintly The Rev. Geo. Sir: Clergyman (If he is D.D. or Saintly. (If you do or LL.D., you call him not know his first My dear Sir: Dr. Saintly.) name, write The Rev. ... Saintly. rather than the Rev. Mr. Saintly) - - - Rabbi Rabbi Wise Dr. Stephen Wise, Dear Sir: (If he is D.D. or or Rabbi Stephen LL.D., he is called Wise, or Rev. Dr. Wise) Stephen Wise. - - - Ambassador Your Excellency His Excellency Your or The American Excellency: Mr. Ambassador Ambassador,[B] American Embassy, London. - - - Minister In English he is The Hon. J.D. Sir: is Pleni- usually called "Mr. Prince, American correct but, potentiary Prince," though it Legation, Your is not incorrect to Copenhagen, or Excellency: call him "Mr. (more courteously) is sometimes Minister." The His Excellency, The used in title "Excellency" American Minister, courtesy. is also occasionally Copenhagen, Denmark used in courtesy, though it does not belong to him. In French he is always called Monsieur le Ministre - - - Consul Mr. Smith If he has held office Sir: as assemblyman or or commissioner, so that My dear Sir: he has the right to the title of "Honorable" is addressed: The Hon. John Smith, otherwise: John Smith, Esq., American Consul, Rue Quelque Chose, Paris. =======================================================================

(section 2) +==================+========================+==============+============== Correct Informal Informal titles in beginning: Formal close: close: introduction: + -+ -+ + Most Reverend I have the honor Same as formal The Most and Dear Sir: to remain, close. Reverend The Your humble servant, Archbishop. + -+ -+ + My Dear Bishop I have the honor to Faithfully Bishop Manning: remain, Your obedient yours. Manning. servant, or, to remain, Respectfully yours, + -+ -+ + Dear Father I beg to remain, Faithfully Father Duffy: Yours faithfully, yours. Duffy. -+ -+ + Dear Dr. Saintly: Same as above, Faithfully Dr. (or Mr.) (or Dear Mr. yours, or Saintly Saintly if he is Sincerely not a D.D.) yours, + -+ -+ + Dear Dr. Wise: I beg to remain, Yours Rabbi Wise. Yours sincerely, sincerely, + -+ -+ + Dear Mr. I have the honor to Yours The Ambassador: remain, Yours faithfully, American faithfully, or, Yours Ambassador. very truly, or, Yours respectfully. or very formally: I have the honor to remain, sir, your obedient servant. + -+ -+ + Dear Mr. Same as above. Yours Mr. Prince, Minister: faithfully, the American or Dear Minister, or Mr. Prince: merely, The American Minister as everyone is supposed to know his name or find it out. + -+ -+ + Dear Mr. Smith: I beg to remain, Faithfully, Mr. Smith Yours very truly. +==================+========================+================+================

[Footnote B: Although our Ambassadors and Ministers represent the United States of America, it is customary both in Europe and Asia to omit the words United States and write to and speak of the American Embassy and Legation. In addressing a letter to one of our representatives in countries of the Western Hemisphere, "The United States of America" is always specified by way of courtesy to the Americans of South America.]



Foreign persons of title are not included in the foregoing diagram because an American (unless in the Diplomatic Service) would be unlikely to address any but personal friends, to whom he would write as to any others. An envelope would be addressed in the language of the person written to: "His Grace, the Duke of Overthere (or merely The Duke of Overthere), Hyde Park, London"; "Mme. la Princess d'Acacia, Ave. du Bois, Paris"; "Il Principe di Capri, Cusano sul Seveso"; "Lady Alwin, Cragmere, Scotland," etc. The letter would begin, Dear Duke of Overthere (or Dear Duke), Dear Princess, Dear Countess Aix, Dear Lady Alwin, Dear Sir Hubert, etc., and close, "Sincerely," "Faithfully," or "Affectionately," as the case might be.

Should an American have occasion to write to Royalty he would begin: "Madam" (or Sir), and end: "I have the honor to remain, madam (or Sir), your most obedient." ("Your most obedient servant" is a signature reserved usually for our own President—or Vice-President.)



CHAPTER XXVIII

LONGER LETTERS

The art of general letter-writing in the present day is shrinking until the letter threatens to become a telegram, a telephone message, a post-card. Since the events of the day are transmitted in newspapers with far greater accuracy, detail, and dispatch than they could be by the single effort of even Voltaire himself, the circulation of general news, which formed the chief reason for letters of the stage-coach and sailing-vessel days, has no part in the correspondence of to-day.

Taking the contents of an average mail bag as sorted in a United States post-office, about fifty per cent. is probably advertisement or appeal, forty per cent. business, and scarcely ten per cent. personal letters and invitations. Of course, love letters are probably as numerous as need be, though the long distance telephone must have lowered the average of these, too. Young girls write to each other, no doubt, much as they did in olden times, and letters between young girls and young men flourish to-day like unpulled weeds in a garden where weeds were formerly never allowed to grow.

It is the letter from the friend in this city to the friend in that, or from the traveling relative to the relative at home, that is gradually dwindling. As for the letter which younger relatives dutifully used to write—it has gone already with old-fashioned grace of speech and deportment.

Still, people do write letters in this day and there are some who possess the divinely flexible gift for a fresh turn of phrase, for delightful keenness of observation. It may be, too, that in other days the average writing was no better than the average of to-day. It is naturally the letters of those who had unusual gifts which have been preserved all these years, for the failures of a generation are made to die with it, and only its successes survive.

The difference though, between letter-writers of the past and of the present, is that in other days they all tried to write, and to express themselves the very best they knew how—to-day people don't care a bit whether they write well or ill. Mental effort is one thing that the younger generation of the "smart world" seems to consider it unreasonable to ask—and just as it is the fashion to let their spines droop until they suggest nothing so much as Tenniel's drawing in Alice in Wonderland of the caterpillar sitting on the toad-stool—so do they let their mental faculties relax, slump and atrophy.

To such as these, to whom effort is an insurmountable task, it might be just as well to say frankly: If you have a mind that is entirely bromidic, if you are lacking in humor, all power of observation, and facility for expression, you had best join the ever-growing class of people who frankly confess, "I can't write letters to save my life!" and confine your literary efforts to picture post-cards with the engaging captions "X is my room," or "Beautiful weather, wish you were here."

It is not at all certain that your friends and family would not rather have frequent post-cards than occasional letters all too obviously displaying the meagerness of their messages in halting orthography.

BEGINNING A LETTER

For most people the difficulty in letter-writing is in the beginning and the close. Once they are started, the middle goes smoothly enough, until they face the difficulty of the end. The direction of the Professor of English to "Begin at the beginning of what you have to say, and go on until you have finished, and then stop," is very like a celebrated artist's direction for painting: "You simply take a little of the right color paint and put it on the right spot."

HOW NOT TO BEGIN

Even one who "loves the very sight of your handwriting," could not possibly find any pleasure in a letter beginning:

"I have been meaning to write you for a long time but haven't had a minute to spare."

Or:

"I suppose you have been thinking me very neglectful, but you know how I hate to write letters."

Or:

"I know I ought to have answered your letter sooner, but I haven't had a thing to write about."

The above sentences are written time and again by persons who are utterly unconscious that they are not expressing a friendly or loving thought. If one of your friends were to walk into the room, and you were to receive him stretched out and yawning in an easy chair, no one would have to point out the rudeness of such behavior; yet countless kindly intentioned people begin their letters mentally reclining and yawning in just such a way.

HOW TO BEGIN A LETTER

Suppose you merely change the wording of the above sentences, so that instead of slamming the door in your friend's face, you hold it open:

"Do you think I have forgotten you entirely? You don't know, dear Mary, how many letters I have written you in thought."

Or:

"Time and time again I have wanted to write you but each moment that I saved for myself was always interrupted by something."

One of the frequent difficulties in beginning a letter is that your answer is so long delayed that you begin with an apology, which is always a lame duck. But these examples indicate a way in which even an opening apology may be attractive rather than repellent. If you are going to take the trouble to write a letter, you are doing it because you have at least remembered some one with friendly regard, or you would not be writing at all. You certainly would like to convey the impression that you want to be with your friend in thought for a little while at least—not that she through some malignant force is holding you to a grindstone and forcing you to the task of making hateful schoolroom pot-hooks for her selfish gain.

A perfect letter has always the effect of being a light dipping off of the top of a spring. A poor letter suggests digging into the dried ink at the bottom of an ink-well.

It is easy to begin a letter if it is in answer to one that has just been received. The news contained in it is fresh and the impulse to reply needs no prodding.

Nothing can be simpler than to say: "We were all overjoyed to hear from you this morning," or, "Your letter was the most welcome thing the postman has brought for ages," or, "It was more than good to have news of you this morning," or, "Your letter from Capri brought all the allure of Italy back to me," or, "You can't imagine, dear Mary, how glad I was to see an envelope with your writing this morning." And then you take up the various subjects in Mary's letter, which should certainly launch you without difficulty upon topics of your own.

ENDING A LETTER

Just as the beginning of a letter should give the reader an impression of greeting, so should the end express friendly or affectionate leave-taking. Nothing can be worse than to seem to scratch helplessly around in the air for an idea that will effect your escape.

"Well, I guess I must stop now," "Well, I must close," or, "You are probably bored with this long epistle, so I had better close."

All of these are as bad as they can be, and suggest the untutored man who stands first on one foot and then on the other, running his finger around the brim of his hat, or the country girl twisting the corner of her apron.

HOW TO END A LETTER

An intimate letter has no end at all. When you leave the house of a member of your family, you don't have to think up an especial sentence in order to say good-by.