We had a good dinner, and, to their eternal honour, the brotherhood laid about them very valiantly. They saw then their high dignity; they saw what they were, acted accordingly, and shewed themselves (what they were) men[2]. The Westphalia hams and chickens, with good plum pudding, not forgetting the delicious salmon, were plentifully sacrificed, with copious libations of wine for the consolation of the brotherhood. But whether, after a very disedifying manner their demolishing huge walls of venison pasty, be building up a spiritual house, I leave to brother Eugenius Philalethes to determine. However, to do them justice, I must own, there was no mention made of politics or religion, so well do they seem to follow the advice of that author[3]. And when the music began to play, "Let the king enjoy his own again," they were immediately reprimanded by a person of great gravity and science.

The bottle, in the mean while, went merrily about, and the following healths were begun by a great man, The King, Prince and Princess, and the Royal Family; the Church as by Law established; Prosperity to Old England under the present Administration; and Love, Liberty, and Science; which were unanimously pledged in full bumpers, attended with loud huzzas.

The faces then of the most ancient and most honourable fraternity of the Free Masons, brightened with ruddy fires; their eyes illuminated, resplendent blazed.

Well fare ye, merry hearts, thought I, hail ye illustrious topers, if liberty and freedom, ye free mortals, is your essential difference, richly distinguishes you from all others, and is, indeed, the very soul and spirit of the brotherhood, according to brother Eugenius Philalethes[4]. I know not who may be your alma mater, but undoubtedly Bacchus is your liber pater.

'Tis wine, ye Masons, makes you free, Bacchus the father is of liberty.

But leaving the Free Masons, and their invaluable secrets, for I know not what they are worth, come we now to speak of other men of learning, who loved to indulge their genius with the delicious juice of the grape. And here we need not fly to antiquity, which would swell this work into a large volume, later times will furnish us with many a bright example. Non semper confugiamus ad vetera.

A man of learning, after ten or twelve hours daily study, cannot do better, than to unbend his mind in drinking plentifully of the creature; and may not such a one say to himself these verses of the French poet:—

"Dois-je mal a propos secher a faire un livre Et n'avoir pour tout fruit des peines que je prends Que la haine de sots et les mepris des grands[5]."

Why should I pass away my time in vain, And, to compose a book, dry up my brain, When all the recompense I'm like to find, For all the toil and labour of my mind, Is the unthinking silly ideot's hate, And the contempt and scorn of all the great

I must own I would have the indefatigable labour of such a one gain an immortal reputation after his death; but after all, to weary one's self all one's life long with those views, is very chimerical. And certainly, he that makes but little account of the honours that might accrue to him after his death, acted like a man of sense. Si venit post fata gloria non propero[6].

Is it not infinitely better to divert one's self while one lives, than to idle all one's life away on poring upon books? Much better will the following song become the mouth of a man of letters, which I have transcribed out of the Mercure Galant, of the year 1711, p. 67.

"De ceux qui vivent dans l'histoire, Ma foi je n'envierai le sort. Nargues du Temple de Memoire Ou l'on ne vit que lorsque l'on est mort. J'aime bien mieux vivre pendant ma vin Pour boire avec Silvie; Car je sentirai Les momens que je vivrai Tant que je boirai."

Faith, I shan't envy him, whoe'er he be, That glorious lives in history; Nor memory's rich fane amuse my head, Where no one lives but when he's dead. I had much rather, while I life enjoy, The precious moments all employ, With my lov'd Silvia, and delicious wine, Both wonderful, and both divine. For that I truly live, and healthy prove, Is that I drink, and that I love.

This is exactly the same thing that Racan said to Maynard in this ode[7].

"Je sai, Maynard, que les merveilles Qui naissent de tes longues veilles Vivront autant que l'univers; Mais que te sert il que ta gloire Eclipse au Temple de Memoire Quand tu seras mange des vers? Quitte cette inutile peine, Buvons plutot a longue haleine De ce doux jus delicieux, Qui pour l'excellence precede Le bruvage que Ganimede Verse dans la coupe des dieux."

Maynard, I know thy thoughts express'd in rhyme, Those wonders of thy bright immortal pen, Shall live for ever in the minds of men, Till vast eternity shall swallow time. Yet should thy glories, now so radiant bright, In Memory's rare temple lose their light; Suffer eclipse, when to the worms a prey, Those reptiles eat thy poor remains away. Does this reflection chagrin thee, my friend, Thus to the useless thought decree an end? Drink, and drink largely, that delicious juice, The em'rald vines in purple gems produce, Which for its excellence surpasses far That liquor which, to bright celestial souls, Jove's minion, Ganimede, with steady care, Richly dispenses in immortal bowls.

So much for poetry, let us come to the point, and instance some learned men, that have loved this diversion. And first, enter Erasmus, who certainly was no enemy to wine, since he chose rather to continue where the plague was than drink water. To prove this, I shall instance part of a letter written to this great man by Armonius, an Italian, and a very learned person:— "Immediately after my arrival in England, I endeavoured to inform myself where you were, because in your last you told me, the plague had forced you to quit Cambridge. At length I was told for certain, that you had indeed left the town, but retiring into a place where there was no wine, which to you being worse than the plague, you returned thither, and where you now are. O intrepid soldier of Bacchus, whom so eminent a danger could not compel to desert his general!" The Latin having much more force, for the sake of those who understand that language, I shall take the liberty to insert it, as follows:— Simul atque Anglicum solum tetigi, ubi locorum esses rogare cepi, siquidem Cantabrigiensem pestem fugere te scripsisti. Unus tandem sixtinus mihi dixit te quidem Cantabrigiam. Ob pestem reliquisse et concessisse nescio quo, ubi cum vini penuria laborares, et eo carere gravius peste duceres, Cantabrigiam repetiisse atque ibi nunc esse. O fortem Bassarei commilitonem, qui in summo periculo ducem deserere nolueris[8].

"Daniel Heinsius loved to drink a little. One day, when he was not in a condition to read his lectures, having got drunk the day before, some arch wags fixed these words on the school-door:— Daniel Heinsius, non leget hodie, propter hesternam carpulam[9]."

"George Sharpe, a Scotchman, professor, and vice-chancellor of Montpelier, who died in the year 1673, on his birth-day, aged fifty-nine years, was a great drunkard[10]."

Barthius may also be reckoned amongst those learned topers, if what Coloniez says be true. "I knew," says he, "some learned men in Holland, who spoke of Scriverius as of a man extremely amorous. M. Vossius, amongst others, related to me one day, that Barthius being come from Germany to Haerlaem to see Scriverius, had in his company a lady perfectly beautiful, whom Scriverius had no sooner seen, but he found means to make Barthius drunk, that he might entertain the lady with greater liberty, which he accomplished. It was not, however, so well managed, but Barthius coming to himself had some reason to suspect what had past, which grew so much upon him, that he took the lady along with him in a rage, and drowned her in the Rhine[11]."

Scaliger treats as a drunkard, John Kuklin, a calvinist minister, native of Hesse, and a very learned man[12].

"Nicolas de Bourbon, of Bar sur l'Aube, was nephew's son to the poet Nicolas Bourbon, who lived in the time of Francis the First; after having been king's professor, then canon of Langres, made himself father of the oratory. ——He was a prodigious dry soul, and loved good wine, which made him often say, That though he was of the French academy, yet that when he read French verses he fancied he was drinking water."

The great Buchanan, so famous for his fine writings, was a terrible drinker, if we may give any credit to Father Garasse. What follows is taken out of his Doctrine Curieuse, p. 748. "I shall," says he, "recount to our new atheists, the miserable end of a man of their belief and humour, as to eating and drinking. The libertine having passed his debauched youth in Paris and Bourdeaux, more diligent in finding out tavern bushes than the laurel of Parnassus; and being towards the latter end of his life, recalled into Scotland, to instruct the young prince, James VI. continuing his intemperance, he grew at last so dropsical by drinking, that by way of jeer he said he was in labour. Vino intercute, not aqua intercute. As ill as he was, he would, however, not abstain from drinking bumpers, and them too all of pure wine, as he used to do at Bourdeaux. The physicians who had care of his health, by order of the king, seeing the extravagant excesses of their patient, told him roundly, and in a kind of heat, that he did all he could to kill himself, and that, if he continued this course of life, he could not live above a fortnight, or three weeks, longer. He desired them then to hold a consultation amongst themselves, and let him know how long he might live if he abstained from wine. They did so, and told him, he might on that condition live five or six years longer. Upon which he gave them an answer worthy his humour. Go, says he, with your regimens and prescriptions, and know, that I had rather live three weeks, and get drunk every day, than six years without drinking wine. And as soon as he had thus dismissed the physicians, he caused a barrel of wine of Grave to be placed at his bed's head, resolving to see the bottom of it before he died; and carried himself so valiantly in this encounter, that he drank it up to the lees, fulfilling literally the contents of this quaint epigram of Epigonus upon a frog, who falling into a pipe of wine, cried out,

pheu tines hudor pinousi manien sophrona mainomenoi.

"Having death and the glass between his teeth, the ministers visited him to bring him to himself, that he might take resolution to die with some thought and reflection; one of them especially exhorted him to recite the Lord's Prayer; upon which, opening his eyes, he looked very ghastly upon the minister, And what is that, says he, that you call the Lord's Prayer? The standers by answered, It was the Our Father; and that, if he could not pronounce that prayer, they desired him that at least he would recite some christian prayer, that he might die like a good man. For my part, replied he, I never knew any other prayer than this,

"Cynthia prima suis miserum me cepit ocellis, Contractum nullis ante cupidinibus."[12a]

Cynthia's fine eyes, me wretched, first could move, Before that time I knew not what was love.

"And scarce had he repeated ten or twelve verses of that elegy of Propertius, but he expired, surrounded with cups and glasses, and of him one may really say, that he vomitted his purple soul out, Purpuraeam vomit ille animam[13]."

I shall not vouch for the truth of this story, but you have it as I find it; nor must it be expected that Buchanan, who was their mortal enemy, should find any favour from the priests of the church of Rome.

Justus Lipsius got sometimes drunk; he tells us so himself, in his Commentary on Seneca, for in that passage where the philosopher says, that drunkenness cures some certain distempers, he makes on the word distempers this remark following—Melancholy (we know it by experience) or cold. And in the discourses which he says were carried on between Carrio Demius and Dusa, upon subjects of literature, and which he inserts in his Ancient Lessons, they had always a glass in their hand.

Every one knows that Baudius, professor in the university of Leyden, was a great drinker, and Culprit himself pleads guilty to the indictment. Habemus rerum confitentem. Here follow his own words, which I own I cannot translate without losing their beauty in the Latin, but the substance is, that he defies envy itself to say any thing against him, but that like the ancient Cato, he drank pretty liberally of the juice of the grape. Concurrant omnes, says he, non dicam ut ille satiricus, Augures, Haruspices, sed quicquid est ubique hominum curiosorum, qui in aliena acta tam sedulo iniquirunt ut ea fingant quae nunquam fuerunt, nihil inveniet quod in nobis carpere possit livor, quam quod interdum ad exemplum prisci Catonii liberalitatis invitare nos patiamur, nec semper constitimus ultra sobrietatem veterum Sabinorum[14]. And in another letter he says, that the most virulent detractor could never reproach him with any thing, but that he got sometimes drunk. Malignitas obtrectatorum nihil aliud in nobis sigillare potest quam quod nimis commodus sum convivator, et interdum largius adspargor rore liberi patris[15].

Balzac made also some little debauches with some of his friends at his country-house; and what he wrote to an officer who was then prisoner in Germany, makes it evidently appear that he thought it lawful so to do. "In relation," says he, "to the German manner of drinking healths, which you speak of with such trouble, as if they were so many Turkish bastinadoes, I think your sobriety in that respect to be a little too delicate, you must learn to howl when you are in company of wolves, as the proverb has it, and not to instance great generals. Don't you know, that wise ambassadors of kings have heretofore got drunk for the good of their master's affairs, and sacrificed all their prudence and gravity to the necessity of great men, and the custom of the country where they were. I do not advise you here to any forbidden acts of intemperance, but I think it no manner of harm now and then to drown your chagrin in Rhenish wine, and to make use of that agreeable means to shorten the time, the long continuance of which is ever extremely tedious to prisoners[16]."

The illustrious professor of Utrecht, whose name shall live as long as the republic of letters shall subsist, was a great drinker, and valued himself for drinking a great deal. It is reported of this learned man, that at the congress of the last peace, a certain German prince, of a sovereign house, came on purpose to have a brush with our professor, who accepted the challenge, and came off victorious, having fairly laid his enemy speechless on the floor.

[Footnote 1: Vide Preface, p. 17, l. 6, where are these words, viz. Thus shall princes love and cherish you as their most faithful children and servants, and take delight to commune with you, inasmuch as amongst you are found men excellent in all kinds of sciences, and who, thereby, may make their names, who love and cherish you, immortal]

[Footnote 2: Page 6, l. 9.]

[Footnote 3: Page 16, l. 19.]

[Footnote 4: Page 5, l. 12. Page 42, l. 13.]

[Footnote 5: Oeuv. div. du Sieur D'Espreaux, p. 246.]

[Footnote 6: Martial.]

[Footnote 7: Parnass. Franc, p. 97.]

[Footnote 8: Bayle Dict. Art. Ammon.]

[Footnote 9: Menagian, t. i. p. 26.]

[Footnote 10: Patinian, p. 106.]

[Footnote 11: Rec. de Partic. p. 318, ed. 4.]

[Footnote 12: Scaliger, p. 409.]

[[Footnote 12a: Propertius I.i.1-2.]]

[Footnote 13: Bayle Dict. Art. Buchan. D.]

[Footnote 14: Ep. xxxiii. centur. 3.]

[Footnote 15: Ep. xxvi. centur. 3.]

[Footnote 16: Lett. Chois. lib. ii. lett. 5.]



CHAP. XVI.

OF NATIONS THAT USED TO GET DRUNK.

The plot now begins to thicken upon us, and we are come to give an account of such nations with whom the custom of getting drunk was heretofore very much in vogue; and of those with whom this same custom reigns at this very day.

When we consult ancient histories upon this point, we learn from Plato[1], that the Scythians, Thracians, Celtae and Iberians, were the greatest drinkers that ever were. AElian[2] says the same in relation to the Thracians and Illyrians. It is also reported of the Parthians[3], that the more they drink the more thirsty they grow.

Athenaeus[4] also assures us, that the Thracians were great drinkers; and he says the same thing of the Milesians, Illyrians, Lydians, Persians, Carthaginians, Gauls, and Spaniards.

The Tapyrians were so much given to wine, that they past their whole lives in drinking, and even bathed their bodies in wine[5].

The Tarentins used to drink from morning till night, and got quite drunk in public[6].

The Leontins, a people in Sicily, were such great drunkards, that they occasioned this proverb, viz. the Leontins are always near a cup of wine[7].

The Byzantins must not be refused a place in this chapter. AElian reports[8], that Leonides, their general, being besieged, and unable to make his men keep their posts, which they quitted every moment to go and get drunk at the taverns, he immediately gave orders that the vintners should repair with all their liquors to the ramparts, by which stratagem he kept them to their duty.

But as it may be said that the nations we have already mentioned were all barbarous, we shall, for that reason, verify what Montaigne says, that amongst nations the best regulated, and most polite, this essay of drinking deep was very much in use[9].

The Greeks, whom one may look upon as the only nation of the world for politeness and good sense, are a proof of what I advance. They celebrated the feasts of Bacchus with a great deal of solemnity; it is from them that Pergraecari, of which every one knows the signification, is derived. AElian assures us, that they were so very luxurious, that they put perfumed oils into their wine, which they called wine of myrrh.

The Romans had also a very strong passion for wine, so that at Rome there were frequently very great seditions for want of it. Seditiones sunt concitatae graves ob inopiam vini[10], says Ammianus Marcellinus, in the Life of Constantius and Gallus; and in the reign of Constantius only, the same historian says, there was a sedition also upon that very account.

Titus Livius tells us, that the Clusians passed the Alps, and came to inhabit the country that the Etrurians possessed before, to have the pleasure of drinking wine[11].

Let us now descend to some nations, with whom, at present, this custom of getting drunk is received.

Sir Paul Ricaut[12] assures us, that the Turks considering that wine rejoices the heart, and comforts the stomach, have begun to drink it; adding, that at present there are only a few (ulamah) ecclesiastical hypocrites or some ignorant bigots, or superannuated people, that abstain from that liquor; but at the same time drunkenness is grown very common amongst them.

M. Du Mont confirms this truth, "As to wine," says he, "though it be as expressly forbidden as swine's flesh, it is nevertheless very certain that a great many Mahometans transgress that precept; and the justest thing that I can say in that respect is, that abstinence from wine is observed there almost after the same manner as Lent in France[13]."

The Persians too drink wine to excess, though their law forbids the use of it; and they say for an excuse, "That it is to pass away the time, and sweeten the cares that surprise them[14]."

The Armenians are no way behind the Persians, if we may believe Tavernier, who says, that with them, "He that treats thinks he has handsomely acquitted himself of his entertainment, if his guests cannot find the door when they have a mind to go home, which would very often happen, without the assistance of their servants, who lead them, and yet have not power enough sometimes to keep them from falling down in the room, or in the street, which is a great satisfaction to the host; for if he finds any of them master of so much judgment as to guide himself, though he reels never so much, he laments very much, as having the misfortune of spending his money to no purpose[15].

The Siameze drink wine very heartily when they can get it, though every thing that may intoxicate them is forbidden by their law[16].

Father le Clerc, author of a Relation of Gaspesia, assures us, that drunkenness is the favourite vice of the inhabitants of that country[17].

The inhabitants of the coast of Africa are great drunkards; they would give all they had in the world for a glass of brandy. At Loanda, capital of the kingdom of Angola, a firkin of wine sells for above thirty pounds sterling. They love it extremely, and they tell you a pleasant story hereupon of the great duke of Bamba, which is a province of the king of Congo, viz. that he once refused the crown, as he himself owned to the fathers missioners, that he might be always near the Portuguese, and drink, by their means, sometimes a little wine or brandy[18].

The Muscovites love wine with a kind of fury, and it has been known, that when a man who has drunk to excess, and can swallow no more, they wash him soundly with it. And in Germany you are not looked upon to have treated your guest like a friend, if you do not reduce him to that condition, as quite to forget himself, and know not what he does[19].

"As Georgia produces strong wines, so its inhabitants are great drunkards, the strongest liquors is what they love most; and at their entertainments they drink more brandy than wine, women as well as men.[20]"

Sir John Chardin[21] assures us, That there is no country in the world where they drink so much wine, and more excellent, than they do at Georgia; adding, that the Georgians are great drunkards, and that the clergy get drunk as well as the laity.

Like people like priest.

Quales populus talis sacerdos.

We have taken care not to forget Germany. Vocabitur haec quoque votis. Which we reserve to the next chapter.

[Footnote 1: Lips. cent. 3, ep. li.]

[Footnote 2: Lib. ii. cap. 15.]

[Footnote 3: Erasm. Adag.]

[Footnote 4: Lib. x. cap. 10.]

[Footnote 5: AElian, lib. iii. cap. 13.]

[Footnote 6: Lib. xii.]

[Footnote 7: Forner de Ebriet. lib. i. cap. 12.]

[Footnote 8: Lib. iii. cap. 14.]

[Footnote 9: Essays, l. ii. cap. 2.]

[Footnote 10: Hist. Aug. Script. ed. 1609. fol. p. 414, and p. 425.]

[Footnote 11: P. 85.]

[Footnote 12: Hist. of the Turks.]

[Footnote 13: Voyage, t. 3, let. v.]

[Footnote 14: Tavernier's Trav. 1. lib. v. cap. 17.]

[Footnote 15: Tavern. t. 1, lib. v. cap. 17.]

[Footnote 16: Loubere, liv. i. ch. 9.]

[Footnote 17: Bibl. Univ. t. xxiii. p. 44.]

[Footnote 18: Viaggo del Congo.]

[Footnote 19: Chevrean, t. ii. p. 215.]

[Footnote 20: Tavern. t. 1, liv. iii. ch. 9.]

[Footnote 21: Voyag. t. ii. p. 129.]



CHAP. XVII.

OF THE DRUNKENNESS OF THE GERMANS.

The Germans were, in all times and ages, great drinkers, and in the words of one of their own poets,

"Illic nobilitas, aeterno nomine digna Exhaurire cados, siccareque pocula longa[1]."

——————————— worthy eternal fame! 'Tis there a piece of true nobility, To empty casks, and drink deep goblets dry.

To demonstrate the origin of their bibacity, it is absolutely necessary to go higher than Tacitus, who in the treatise which he composed in relation to their customs and manners, thus speaks: "It is no shame with them to pass whole days and nights in drinking; but quarrellings are very frequent amongst them, as are usual amongst folks in that respect, and more often end at daggers drawing than in Billingsgate. It is, however, in such meetings, that alliances and reconciliations are formed. Here they treat of the election of princes. In short, of all affairs, of peace and war. Those opportunities they think most proper, inasmuch as then people shake off all disguise of thought and reflection, and the heat of debauch engages the soul of man to resolutions the most bold and hardy[2]."

Owen, our countryman, has made an epitaph in honour of these our substantial topers, the Germans; the sense of which is, that if truth lies hidden in wine, they are the first people in the world that will find it out. His words are,

Si latet in vino verum, ut proverbia dicunt, Invenit verum Teuto vel inveniet.

Let us see now what travellers have said on this subject of the Germans: and we will begin with M. Aug. de Thou[3], an eye-witness thereof. "There is," says he, "before Mulhausen, a large place, or square, where, during the fair, assemble a prodigious number of people, of both sexes, and of all ages; there one may see wives supporting their husbands, daughters their fathers, tottering upon their horses or asses, a true image of a Bacchanal. The public-houses are full of drinkers, where the young women who wait, pour wine into goblets out of a large bottle with a long neck, without spilling one drop. They press you to drink with pleasantries the most agreeable in the world. People drink here continually, and return at all hours to do the same thing over again."

This pleasant sight, so new to M. de Thou, continues almost all night. And what is very particular amongst such a great concourse of people, and such a number of drunkards, every thing passes without dispute and quarrelling.

Let us now see what the duke de Rohan says on this head, whose words are these[4]:— "From thence I came to Trent, a place noways agreeable, and famous for nothing but the last council which was held there; and if it was not that it was half Italian, (being glad of coming out of little Barbary, and a universal tippling-house,) I would take no notice of it; being well satisfied, that the mathematicians of our times can no where find out the perpetual motion so well as here, where the goblets of Germans are an evident demonstration of its possibility—they think they cannot make good cheer, nor permit friendship or fraternity, as they call it, with any, without giving the seal brimful of wine, to seal it for perpetuity."

M. Misson, who was also some time in Germany, gives us yet a larger description. "The Germans," says he[5], "are, as you know, strange drinkers. There are no people in the world more caressing, more civil, more officious, but still another cup. They have terrible customs on that article of drinking. Every thing is transacted over the bottle; you can do nothing without drinking. One can scarce speak three words at a visit, but you are astonished to see the collation come in, or at least a good quantity of wine, attended with crusts of bread cut into little pieces, upon a plate with salt and pepper, a fatal preparative for bad drinkers. I must instruct you in the laws they observe in their cups; laws sacred and inviolable. You must never drink without drinking some one's health, which having done, you must immediately present the glass to the party you drank to, who must never refuse it, but drink it to the last drop. Reflect a little, I beseech you, on these customs, and you will see how, and by what means, it is impossible to cease from drinking. After this manner one shall never have done. It is a perpetual circle to drink after the German fashion; it is to drink for ever. You must likewise know, that the glasses too are respected in those countries as much as the wine is loved; they range them all about in ranks and files; most of their rooms are wainscotted up two thirds of the wall, and the glasses are ranged all about, like organ pipes, upon the cornish. They begin with the small, and end with the large ones, which are like melon glasses, and must be taken off at one draught, when they drink any health of importance."

Let us observe here[6], "That it was the custom of the ancient Greeks to drink largely after meals, and that this custom is now practised in Germany." This was what AEneas, and the people of his train, used to do, as we learn from these verses of Virgil[7]:—

"Postquam prima quies epulis, mensaeque remotae, Crateras magnas statuunt et vina coronant.

After the teeth had gain'd their first repose, The dishes ta'en away, the cloth remov'd, The rich repast gigantic tankards close, Replete with wines, by nicest tastes approv'd.

It is the same thing with the Armenians, they never drink till at the end of their meals. "After they have said grace, the dishes are removed, in order to bring in the desert, and then they prepare themselves to drink to excess."

We come now to the Swiss. Here follows what Daniel Eremita, a very learned man, who published a description of their country, has said of them. "[8]They have the same simplicity in drinking, but they do not keep the same moderation. Wine is what they place their delight in, and they prefer it to all things in the world. At their assemblies, both for pleasure and business, or any other affairs, wine always makes a party; with which, when they have overloaded their stomach, they discharge it, and sit down to it again, and drink as they did at first. They leave the care of their family to their wives and children, who live with the utmost economy, in favour of their husbands, who are continually at the tavern. They talk with glass in hand, and please themselves in that posture to recount their acts and jests, and those of their ancestors, as examples to posterity. They speak freely all they know, and know not what a secret is. In short, this way of life does not only continue whole days successively, but all the time they live."

Nor have things now taken another aspect in Switzerland. The author of a travel lately into that country, tells us for certain, that "wine is a singular attractive, a powerful charm, against which the Swiss can make no manner of resistance[9]."

Before I close this chapter I shall take notice of the Flemings, whom we ought to look upon as making part of Germany, who, though they are surrounded by water, take care never to drink any, which made Scaliger, when in Holland, say to Douza,

"In mediis habitamus aquis, quis credere possit Et tamen hic nullae, Douza, bibuntur aquae[10]."

Amidst the waters here we live, Yet who can any credit give To what I say, for, Douza, here No water drinkers e'er appear.

Guicciardin, in his description of the low countries, accuses the people of drinking too much. Hanno[11], says he, poi per la maggior parte quel vitio del bere troppo. He adds, however, "That they are in some sort excusable, because the air of the country being for the most part of the year humid, and apt to inspire melancholy, they could not, perhaps, make use of a more efficacious remedy to expel this irksome, unwholesome melancholy, than wine, which, I suppose, was Horace's sentiment, when he said, With wine drive away care. The words in the original are, Ma sono in qualche parte scusabili, per che essendo l'aria del paese il pui del tempo humida et malinconica, non potrieno peraventura trovar instromento piu idoneo a scacciare et battere la malinconia odiosa et mal sana che il vino, si come pare che accerni Horatio dicendo. Vino pellite curas."

But without any farther talking of the Germans, I shall end this chapter with this necessary remark, that one need not go out of England for examples of hard drinking, our country, God bless it, does not come behind any other in this particular.

[Footnote 1: G. Brusch. Inter. p. 405.]

[Footnote 2: Diem noctemque continuare nullum probium, crebrae ut inter vinolentos rixae, raro conviciis sepius cede et vulneribus transiguntur. Sed et de reconciliandis invicem inimicitiis et pangendis affinitatibus et adsciscendis principibus, de pace denique ac bello plerunque in conviviis consultant; tanquam nullo magis tempore aut ad simplices cogitationes patea animus, aut ad magnas incalescat.] [[Tacitus, Germania 22.]]

[Footnote 3: Memoir de Thou. liv. ii. p. 63.]

[Footnote 4: Voyag. p. 27. ed. 1646.]

[Footnote 5: Voyage de Italie, t. i. let. 9.]

[Footnote 6: Chevreana, t. ii. p. 188.]

[Footnote 7: AEneid, lib. i. v. 723.] [[i.e. 723-724.]]

[Footnote 8: Ed. viii. p. 411.]

[Footnote 9: Voyag. de Rouvier, p. 89.]

[Footnote 10: De admir. Holland.]

[Footnote 11: Ed. fol. 1567, p. 29.]



CHAP. XVIII.

OF NATIONS THAT GET DRUNK WITH CERTAIN LIQUORS.

As every country does not produce wine, but, according to the poet[1],

"Hic segetes, illic veniunt faelicius uvae."

Here wheat, more happily there grows the grape.

Those nations, with whom there are no vines, have invented other drinks to make themselves merry. Pliny[2] tells us, That the western people got drunk with certain liquors made with fruits; and that these liquors have different names in Gaul and Spain, though they produce the same effect.

Ammianus Marcellinus reports, That the Gauls having no wine in their country, though they are very fond of it, contrive a great many sorts of liquors, which produce the same effect as wine. Vini avidum genus adfectans ad vini similitum dinem multiplices potus.

The Scythians had no wine, as appears by the answer of Anacharsis, the philosopher, who being asked, If they had none that played on the flute in Scythia, replied, That they had not so much as any wine there. However, for all that, they got drunk with certain liquors which had the force and strength of wine. This also we learn from these words of Virgil:—

"Ipsi in defossis specubus, secura subalta Otia agunt terra, congestaque robora tolasque Advolvere focis ulmos, ignique dedere. Hic noctem ludo ducunt, et pocula laeti Fermento, atque acidis imitantur vitea sorbis."[2a]

Secure, in quiet ease, they dwell in caves Deep dug in earth, and to their chimneys roll Whole oaks and elms entire, which flames devour. Here all the night, in sport and merry glee, They pass and imitate, with acid service, By fermentation vinous made, the grape.

The Thracians intoxicate themselves by swallowing the fumes of certain herbs, which they cast into the fire.

The Babylonians, according to Herodotus, used likewise to get drunk, by swallowing the fumes of certain herbs that they burned.

Strabo reports, That the Indians made a certain drink with sugar canes, which made them merry; very probably not unlike what we now call rum.

Benso, in his History of America, says the same of the inhabitants of the island of Hispaniola, and several other provinces of America.

Pliny and Athenaeus tell us, that the Egyptians fuddled themselves with a drink made of barley; by this it seems the liquor of Sir John Barley-Corn is very ancient.

Leri[3], in his Voyage to Brazil, tells us, That the inhabitants of that country are as great drinkers as the Germans, Flemings, Lansquenets, Swiss: and all those merry gentleman who love carousing, and drink supernaculum, ought to agree, that they are even with them. Their drink is made of certain roots, which they boil and ferment, and is then called by them in their language, cahou-in. The author adds, "That he has seen them not only drink three days and nights successively without ceasing, but that they were so very drunk, that they could swallow no more till they had disgorged, which was in order to begin again.

"There [4]grows in the Eastern countries certain particular drugs, with which the inhabitants are wonderfully delighted, and which produce a kind of drunkenness, or agreeable folly, which continues some time. They are so much accustomed to the use of these drugs, by a long habit, that they imagine that life must be very sad and unhappy without them. The Indians and Persians have their bangue, the Egyptians their bola, and the Turks their opium."

In relation to the Persians, Tavernier[5] has these words, viz. "They have a sort of drink to divert and make themselves merry, which they call kokemaar, made of poppy-seeds boiled. They drink it scalding hot; and there are particular houses, called kokemaar krone, where people meet, and give a great deal of pleasure and delight to those who see the ridiculous postures which this kind of liquor makes them perform. Before it operates they quarrel with one another, and give abusive language, without coming to blows; afterwards when the drug begins to have its effect, then they also begin to make peace. One compliments in a very high degree, another tells stories, but all are extremely ridiculous both in their words and actions." And after having spoken of other liquors that they make use of, he adds, "It is difficult to find in Persia a man that is not addicted to some one of these liquors, without which they think they cannot live but very unpleasantly."

I take no notice here of that admirable drink called Punch with us; nor Juniper-water, (vulgarly called Geneva, a corruption from the French word Genevre, which signifies the same thing,) nor that dram called All-fours, which have such wonderful effects on the wretched commonalty.

[Footnote 1: Virgil.] [[Georgics I.54.]]

[Footnote 2: Const. et Jul. lib. 16.]

[[Footnote 2a: Virgil, Georgics III.376-380.]]

[Footnote 3: P. 126, ed. 1594.]

[Footnote 4: L'Emer. des Alim. part iii. ch. 2.]

[Footnote 5: T. 1, lib. v. ch. 17.]



CHAP. XIX.

OTHER CONSIDERATIONS IN FAVOUR OF DRUNKENNESS.

Drunkenness will (and ought to do so) appear excusable to people the most sober, if they would but make these two reflections following, viz.

I. That drunkards are not generally given to lewdness.

Aristotle says, "That too much drinking makes one very improper for the acts of Venus, and gives his reasons. Athenaeus reports the same thing in that passage, where he makes mention of the drunkenness of Alexander the Great, a vice," says he, "which, perhaps, was the cause of his little inclination for the ladies."

Montaigne[1] speaks very well on this article, "These," says he, "are two things which vigorously oppose each other; this weakens our stomach on one hand; whereas, on the other, sobriety serves to make us more quaint and delicate in the exercise of love."

Ovid[2] says much the same thing.

"Vina parant animum veneri, nisi plurima sumas, Ut stupeant multo corda sepulta mero."

Wine, not too much, inspires, and makes the mind To the soft joys of Venus strong inclin'd, Which buried in excess, unapt to love, Stupidly lies, and knows not how to move.

II. That in those countries where they do not drink to excess, they are very much addicted to debauchery.

It is certain, that in hot countries they drink a great deal less than they do in cold, but in lieu of that, lewdness reigns much more. Montaigne[3], after having observed, that they began to drink less than they used to do, adds, "Does any one think it tends to amendment? No, indeed; but, perhaps, we are much more given to whoring than our forefathers."

This puts me in mind of an Italian, who having reproached a German with the drunkenness of his country, by these verses, viz.

"Germani multos possunt tolerare labores O utinam possint tam tolerare sitim."

The Germans (patient) toil, inur'd to pain, Oh! could they but their thirst so well sustain!

The German answered him extempore in these other two:—

"Ut nos vitis amor, sic vos Venus improba vexat Est data lex veneri Julia, nulla mero."

As we love wine, so wicked Venus you, Twas this, not that, the Julian Edict knew.

In order to draw a consequence from all this, let us speak once more of Montaigne[4], whose words are, "And if we cannot give any pleasure but what costs us something, as the ancients maintain, I find this vice costs the conscience less than all the rest, besides, it is in this respect no despicable consideration, that a man advanced in honours, amongst three principal conveniencies of life, that he told me he yet enjoyed, he reckoned this for one."

After having shewn, in the foregoing chapters, That drunkenness reigns all the world over, Nulla in parte mundi cessat ebrietas. Let us see what we may hence infer in its favour: and I ask, if the agreement of so many different nations, to do one and the same thing, proves nothing, and may not, in some measure, serve as an apology for drunkenness? For if one considers, that the surprising variety of the humour and temperament of men, do, notwithstanding, in nowise hinder them from agreeing unanimously in this point, one shall have a very strong temptation to believe, that the desire of getting drunk is an innate quality, and we shall be confirmed in this sentiment, after tasting experimentally the exquisite sweetness caused by drunkenness.

To conclude,

All drink, throughout the universe, 'tis plain, The moon drinks up the sea, the earth the rain, The sun the air, and ev'ry tree, we know, The earth's prolific juice imbibes to grow. The air sups up the water too, 'tis said, Why then, my dearest friends, d'ye plague my head, And angry grow, because, dry soul[5], I swill New wine, drink fit for gods, and quaff my fill.

[Footnote 1: Essais, l. ii. ch. 2.]

[Footnote 2: De Remed. Amor.]

[Footnote 3: Essais, liv. ii. ch. 2.]

[Footnote 4: Essais, liv. ii. ch. 2.]

[Footnote 5: Anima mea non potest habitare in sicco. S. Aug.]



CHAP. XX.

AN ANSWER TO THE OBJECTION, THAT DRUNKENNESS CAUSES INFINITE EVILS.

After having specified the good qualities of drunkenness, let us now answer some frivolous objections that may be made against what we have here advanced. For example, people will not be wanting immediately to object, that drunkenness has been the cause of infinite evils.

To this I answer, that it has been only the cause of these evils when people have pushed it too far, and not observed the rules they ought to keep in drinking, and which we shall see here prescribed by and by. For where do we find that any one, of so many grave philosophers that used to get drunk, made any disorders? It was for this reason that Chrisippus's maid said, That her master was drunk in the hams. And it was on this very account, perhaps, that the Stoics said of their sage, "That he was, indeed, to be overcome with wine, but would not, however, be drunk, Vino obrutum iri non ebrium tamen futurum."

On the other hand, without being willing to excuse those disorders which drunkenness has been the cause of, one may say, nevertheless, that some of these disorders have produced effects highly advantageous. "Suppose, for example, that Lot had not got drunk, and his two daughters had not been possessed with the furious desire of having children, and the fear of dying maids, you ruin, by this means, whole families, who bore a great part in the wonderful events of the children of Israel[1]."

Their high mightinesses the States of Holland, have eternal obligations to drunkenness, since to this they owe, in some sort, the establishment of their republic, which was after this manner, according to Strada:— [2]The same day that Brederode, accompanied by above two hundred gentlemen, had presented that famous petition to Margaret of Parma, who then governed the Netherlands, he gave a magnificent entertainment in the house of the Count of Culenbourg, there was no want of drinking; and as they saw the Count of Hoocstrate, who by chance passed that way, they began, with a great deal of joy, to give one another the name of Gueux[3]; upon which taking each of them all together great glasses in their hands, they made vows and oaths to each other by the name of Gueux, and cried out with one voice and general applause, Long live the Gueux! After which they promised mutual fidelity; and the Prince of Orange and the Counts of Egmont and Horn coming to them, they began to drink again, and with great acclamation renewed vows and wishes with these new comers, as they had already done, for the Gueux. At last, in the heat of wine, they took those vigorous resolutions, the effects of which were afterwards seen, which was the liberty of the United Provinces.

[Footnote 1: Lett. xvi. sur la Crit. du Calvin.]

[Footnote 2: Strada de Bello Belgico, part i. lib. 5.]

[Footnote 3: The French word for beggars.]



CHAP. XXI.

AN ANSWER TO THE OBJECTION, THAT THE MIRTH WHICH WINE INSPIRES IS CHIMERICAL.

It will be objected, without doubt, that the mirth which wine inspires is imaginary, and without any foundation, and that, as Boileau has it,

"Rien n'est beau que le vrai. Le vrai seul est aimable."

Nothing so beautiful as what is true, That it is only lovely is its due.

I very willingly own, that this joy and mirth is nothing else than the effect of our imagination.

Full well I'm satisfied 'tis nothing all But a deceitful hope, less solid far, A thousand times, than is the moving sand; But are not all things so with wretched man? All things soon pass away like rapid streams Which hasten to the sea, where lost for ever In th' ocean's vast abyss unknown they lie. Our wisest wishes and desires are vain, Abstracted vanities, gay painted bubbles, That break when touch'd, and vanish into air. Love, wisdom, knowledge, riches, phantoms all.

But before we thoroughly refute this objection, I shall observe by the way, that errors and illusions are necessary to the world. "[1]In general, indeed, it is true to say, that the world, as it is now, cannot keep itself in the same condition, were not men full of a thousand false prejudices and unreasonable passions; and if philosophy went about to make men act according to the clear and distinct ideas of reason, we might, perhaps, be satisfied, that mankind would quickly be at an end. Errors, passions, prejudices, and a hundred other the like faults, are as a necessary evil to the world. Men would be worth nothing for this world, were they cured, and the greatest part of the things which now take up our time, would be useless, as Quintilian well knew, namely, eloquence.

Things are in this condition, and will not easily change, and we may wait long enough for such a happy revolution, before we shall be able to say, with Virgil,

"Magnus ab integro saeculorum nascitur ordo."[1a]

A series long of ages now appear, Entirely new to man, before unknown.

On the other hand, "[2]If you take away from man every thing that is chimerical, what pleasure will you leave him? Pleasures are not things so solid, as to permit us to search them to the bottom; one must only just touch them and away. They resemble boggy and moorish ground, we must run lightly over them, without ever letting our feet make the least impression."

No, wheresoe'er we turn our wishing eye, True pleasures never can our souls enjoy.

Let us add, "[3]That if we did not help to deceive ourselves, we should never enjoy any pleasure at all. The most agreeable things in this world are, in the bottom, so trivial, that they would not much affect us, if we made but never so little serious reflection upon them. Pleasures are not made to be strictly examined into, and we are obliged every day to pass over a great many things in them, about which it would not be proper to make one-self uneasy."

Besides, "[4]Is not the illusion we enjoy as valuable as the good we possess? M. Fontenelle makes a very excellent observation hereupon in these verses[5]:—

"Souvent en s'attachant a des fantomes vains Notre raison seduite avec plaisir s'egare. Elle-meme joueit des objets qu'elle a feints. Et cette illusion pour quelque tems repare Le defaut des vrais biens que la Nature avare N'a pas accordez aux humains."

Often enchanted by the 'luring charms Of phantoms gay, our reason all seduc'd, With pleasure roams thro' endless desarts wild, Enjoys the objects which herself has form'd. And this illusion for some time repairs The want of real joys, which niggard Nature Never has granted to unhappy man.

"Enjoyment," says Montaigne[6], "and possession, belong principally to imagination, which embraces more eagerly that which it is in pursuit of, than that which we have in our power."

And certainly, one may pronounce them happy, who thus amuse themselves, and believe themselves to be so. And indeed, when a man is so far gone in this persuasion, every thing that is alleged to the contrary is rejected as a fable.

But to shew, at present, the reality, if one may say so, of mere illusion, we need go no farther than the poets, who are certainly the happiest mortals living in that respect.

To instance no more, there's Mr. ————, who would fain be a rhimer, and that is his folly; but though the poor man, for his insipid verses, and improper epithets, richly deserves our pity, yet is he wonderfully pleased with his performances, and with a great deal of tranquillity mounts up Parnassus, in his own conceit, in loftier tracts than Virgil or Theocritus ever knew. But, alas! what would become of him, if some audacious person should dare unbind his eyes, and make him see his weak and graceless lines, which, however smoothly they may run, are, at best, but exquisitely dull; contain terms that have no meaning in them, and have no other ornament, but unintelligible jingle, and initial letters? How would he curse the day which deprived his senseless soul of that happy error that so much charmed his thoughts, and amused his imagination?

What is here said of the poets is applicable to all mankind; and so a man, whom any one should undertake to persuade, that the mirth and joy inspired by wine is chimerical, would do well to answer him, after the manner as a certain madman did the doctor that cured him. The story is this:—

Once upon a time a certain bigot, otherwise a man of sense, had his brain a little touched with whimsies, and continually fancied he heard the heavenly music of the blessed spirits. At last a physician, very expert in his profession, cured him, either by his skill, or by chance, no matter which; but when he came to demand his fees; for what? says the other, in a violent passion, by your damned slip-slops and hellish art, you have robbed me of my Paradise, though you have cured me of my error. This I borrow from Boileau[7], as he did from Horace[8].

"[9]There are," says Pere Bouhours, writing to Bussi Rabutin, "agreeable errors, which are much more valuable than that which the Spaniards called desengano, and which might be called in our language disabusement, if this word, which one of our best writers has ventured upon, had been received."

We shall conclude with M. de Sacy[10], "That it is not always doing mankind an agreeable service to dissipate their illusions." And we say of those who taste those satisfactions wine inspires, what M. Bayle says very pleasantly of news-mongers who are still in hopes of what they wish for. "They are[11]," says he, "the least unhappy, whatever happens. There is a great deal of reality in their agreeable sentiments, how chimerical soever their foundation may be; so that they do not willingly suffer themselves to be disabused; and they sometimes say, when one gives them reasons why they should believe the news, that makes them so joyful, is doubtful or absolutely false, Why do you envy us the pleasures we enjoy? Do not disturb our entertainment, or rob us of what we hold most dear. A friend more opposite to error than charity is a very troublesome reasoner; and if he meddles with their chimeras they will endeavour to do him a diskindness."

We come now to another objection, and that is, that this joy inspired by wine is but of a very short continuance; and the pleasure one tastes in so short a space, dearly repaid with a long and tedious uneasiness. Ebrietas unius horae hilarem insaniam longo temporis tedio pensat.

I own that it is a very great misery, that our pleasures are so short: and the shorter too, the more exquisite they are. And, perhaps, this may be a kindness to us, since some are so superlatively so, that should they continue a much longer space, mankind could not support themselves under these ecstacies. But be this as it will, can we make them otherwise than they are? We must therefore have patience, and take them as we find them. In short, there is no present happiness in the world; all we can do, is to be contented with the present, not uneasy at what is to come, but sweeten with an equality of soul the bitter miseries of human life.

[Footnote 1: Lett. xvi. sur la Crit. de Calvin, p. 516.]

[[Footnote 1a: Virgil, Eclogues IV.5.]]

[Footnote 2: Fontenelle Dial. d'Elisab. et du D. d'Alencon.]

[Footnote 3: Fontenelle Dial. des Morts de Callirh. et de Paulin.]

[Footnote 4: Nov. Dial. des Dieux. p. 68.]

[Footnote 5: Poesies Pastor.]

[Footnote 6: Essais, lib. iii. ch. 9.]

[Footnote 7: Satire iv. M. la Vayer.]

[Footnote 8: Lib. ii. ep. 2.]

[Footnote 9: Lett. de Rab. t. iii. lett. 63.]

[Footnote 10: De l'Amitie, p. 2.]

[Footnote 11: Rep. aux Quest. d'un Prov. t. i. ch. 20.]



CHAP. XXII.

AN ANSWER TO THE OBJECTION, THAT ONE LOSES ONE'S REASON IN GETTING DRUNK.

It is objected here, that reason ought to be the motive of all our actions; and, of consequence, that we ought not voluntarily to lose it.

To this objection I answer several ways:— First and foremost then, I say, people do well to talk to us so much of reason, when almost all mankind acts without reason, so that it may pass for a thing that has no manner of existence but in the imagination. We shall prove this from M. Bayle. "[1]We are defined," says he, "a reasonable animal. A very fine definition indeed, when none of us do any thing but without reason. I assure you, sir, that one may say of reason, what Euripides said in the beginning of one of his tragedies, and which afterwards was corrected, on account of the murmurings of the people. O Jupiter, for of thee I know nothing but only the name! In relation to the faculty I am talking of, we know nothing more of it than that, so that we may well laugh at the complaints of that heathen philosopher, who found that reason was a very troublesome present sent to us by the gods for our ruin; for he supposed, that reason busied herself in our affairs, whereas the truth of it is she never meddles in the least with them. We act nothing but with prejudice, by instinct, by self-love, and the sudden starts of a thousand passions, which drag and turn our reason as they will, insomuch that one may most justly define the principle which rules and domineers over us, a mass of prejudices and passions which knows how to draw consequences. I remember to have seen a man, who having never heard mention made of the Cotta of Cicero, said nevertheless as well as he, that it would have been much better that God had not made us reasonable, since reason poisons all our affairs, and makes us ingenious to afflict ourselves, upon which a certain person said to him in raillery, That he had what he desired; that he had received so small a share of reason that it was not worth his while to complain. For my part, I turned the thing otherwise, that people were much in the wrong to murmur against reason, since it is not that which guides us; and that it is not too possible it should, without overthrowing the order which has reigned so long in the world. The learned Erasmus, continued I, deserves the highest praise in this respect; he has written The Praise of Folly, wherein he shews that she sheds every where her influence, and without her, the whole world would in a short time be turned topsy turvy. I make no doubt, sir, but you know the merit of that work. The author speaks, though in a merry manner, the greatest truths in the world; and I do not know whether he believed himself as profound a philosopher, as he really was in that ingenious satire."

Secondly, This is not all, "[2]It is sometimes necessary, for the general good of the world, to follow prejudices, popular errors, and the blind instincts of nature, rather than the distinct ideas of reason." Mr. Bayle extends himself farther on this idea in another place[3], which I shall here insert. "Errors," says he, "irregular passions, and unreasonable prejudices, are so necessary to the world to make it a theatre of that prodigious diversity of events which make one admire his providence. So that he who would reduce men to do nothing but according to the distinct ideas of reason, would ruin civil society. If man was reduced to this condition, he would have no longer any desire of glory; and having no longer that desire, is it not true, that then mankind would be like ice? I say, he would have no desire of glory, for right reason shews us, that we should not make our happiness depend on the judgment of other men; and consequently, that we should not toil and fatigue ourselves, to make other people say this, or that, of us——. The earnest desire of being praised after death is an instinct of morality that God has impressed in the mind of man, to keep up society. And it is certain, that earnest desire has been the cause of the greatest events; and this ought to instruct us that the world stands in need of a great many instincts, which, examined according to the ideas of our reason, are ridiculous and absurd. For there is nothing so opposite to reason as to torment ourselves in this life, that we may be praised after we are dead, since neither philosophy, nor experience, nor faith, nor any thing whatsover, makes it appear, that the praises given us after death can do us any good. It would be a thing uneasy to the heart of man, if we did nothing but according to the light of reason; and how many designs would come to nothing at the same time?"

Thirdly, Besides, reason very often serves for nothing but to make us wretched. "The happiness of man is never the work of reason." Of all our evils reason is often the worst; it frightens us in the full career of our pleasures, and with importunate remorses comes to bridle our fleet desires. The horrid thing reserves for us most cruel and matchless rigours. It is like a troublesome pedant one is forced to hear, who always growls, but never touches us, and frequently like D———, and such like venerable impertinents, lose the time they employ in predication.

"If there be any happiness[4]," says Fontenelle, "that reason produces, it is like that sort of health which cannot be maintained but by the force of physic, and which is ever most feeble and uncertain." And in another place he cries out, "[5]Can we not have sound sight without being at the same time wretched and uneasy? Is there any thing gay but error? And is reason made for any thing else but to torment and kill us?" "[6]What cause have not men to bewail their wretched condition? Nature furnishes them but with a very few things that are agreeable, and their reason teaches them how to enjoy them yet less." "[7]And why has Nature, in giving us passions which are sufficient to make us happy, given us reason, that will not suffer us to be so?"

It was this same troublesome reason that made Sophocles say, "[8]It is very sweet to live, but none of your wisdom, away with her, she spoils life."

Vaunt less thy reason, O unhappy man! Behold how useless is this gift celestial, For which, they say, thou should'st the rest disdain. Feeble as thou wert in thy infant days, Like thee she mov'd, she totter'd, and was weak. When age mature arriv'd, and call'd to pleasures, Slave to thy sense, she still was so to thee, When fifty winters, Fate had let thee count; Pregnant with thousand cares and worlds of woes, The hateful issue in thy breast she threw, And now grown old thou loosest her for ever.

Before I end this chapter, let every body take notice, that if for having spoken so much against reason, any one should say, that it is a plain sign the author has none; and that there are a great many others, who, in the words of M. La Motte[9], will be apt to say:—

"Heureux cent fois l'auteur avec qui l'on s'oublie Qui nous offre un charmant poison, Et nous associant a sa douce folie Nous affranchit de la raison."

Happy the author, whose bewitching style, Life's tedious minutes can beguile, Makes us, with him, forget uneasy care, And not remember what we are. Who by a charm, which no one can withstand, Enchanting poison can command, Can make us share his pleasing foolery, And from dull reason set us free.

And I shall not be wanting to answer in the words of the same gentleman:

"[10]Buveurs brisez le joug d'une raison trop fiere Eteignez son triste flambeau D'autres enseignent l'art d'augmenter sa lumiere Mais l'art de l'eteindre est plus beau."

Break, jolly topers, break th' ungrateful chain Of reason, if she too imperious grow, Of being disturb'd you never need complain, If you put out her troublesome flambeau. Others may teach the art t' increase her fires, To put them out a finer art requires.

[Footnote 1: Lett. xxii, sur la Crit. du Calv. p. 756.]

[Footnote 2: Lett. sur la Crit. du Calv. Lett. xvi. p.504.]

[Footnote 3: Ibid. p. 535.]

[Footnote 4: Dial. de M. Stuart, et P. Riccio.]

[Footnote 5: Dial. de Parmen. et de Theb.]

[Footnote 6: Dial. de Alexand. et Phryne.]

[Footnote 7: Nouv. Dial. des Dieux, p. 99.]

[Footnote 8: Moriae Encom.]

[Footnote 9: La Motte, Od. la Vanite.]

[Footnote 10: Od. Thalia.]



CHAP. XXIII.

AN ANSWER TO THE OBJECTION, THAT ONE CANNOT TRUST A MAN THAT GETS DRUNK.

There is a proverb amongst the Jews. "[1]Ingrediente vino egreditur secretum." As the wine goes in so the secret goes out. Seneca[2] makes the same objection. "As," says he, "new wine bursts the vessel, and the heat makes every thing go upwards, so the force of wine is such, that it brings to light, and discovers, what is most secret and hidden."

In answer to this objection I say, that people who are naturally secret, are not less so after drinking. "[3]And Bacchus was not said to be the inventor of wine, on account of the liberty of his tongue, but because he freed our minds from disquiet, and makes them more firm and resolute in what we undertake."

Besides, do we not see every day, people of all ranks, conditions, and characters, get drunk, and yet we trust them with secrets, and it very rarely happens they speak of them when they are drunk. Thus, if we consult history, we shall learn from Seneca[4] himself, that the design of killing Caesar was as well communicated to Tullius Cimber, who was a great drinker, as to C. Cassius, who drank nothing but water. And though L. Piso, governor of Rome, got frequently drunk, he, notwithstanding, excellently acquitted himself of his duty. Augustus made no manner of difficulty to give him secret instructions, bestowing on him the government of Thrace, the conquest of which he entirely completed. Tiberius, before he left Rome, where he was generally hated, in order to retire into the Campania, made choice of Costus, who was extremely given to wine, for governor of that city, to whom he communicated such things as he dared not trust his own ministers with.

[Footnote 1: Voyage de Rouvie, p. 497.]

[Footnote 2: Ep. 83.]

[Footnote 3: Seneca de Tranquill.]

[Footnote 4: Seneca, ep. 83.]



CHAP. XXIV.

AN ANSWER TO THE OBJECTION, THAT DRUNKENNESS MAKES ONE INCAPABLE OF PERFORMING THE DUTIES OF CIVIL LIFE.

I deny this absolutely, and to prove the contrary, I say, the Persians had a custom to deliberate on things the most serious, and of the greatest importance, after hard drinking. Tacitus reports the same thing of the Germans. Dampier assures us, that the same custom is practised with the inhabitants of the Isthmus Darien. And to go higher, one finds in Homer, that during the siege of Troy, the Greeks, in council, did eat and drink heartily. An evident proof, that this objection is contrary to experience. But to go farther, this same experience made the ancients look on those who could carry a great deal of wine, as persons of a genius very much superior to those who could not drink at all. On this account it was, that Cyrus, in writing to the Lacedemonians the reasons which rendered him more capable of government than his brother, amongst other things, takes notice, that he could drink more wine than he. And so many fine productions, for which we are obliged to the drunkenness of the poets, make it evidently appear, that wine, far from rendering us incapable of doing any thing that is good, rather helps and incites us to it. This important truth we shall confirm by several examples.

Plutarch relates, that Philip king of Macedon, after having conquered the Athenians, made a feast, at which he got drunk; and that all proud with that happy success, he nevertheless did a great many things entirely ridiculous; but being informed that the ambassadors that the Athenians sent to him to desire peace, wished to see him, he changed his countenance all of a sudden, and having heard their proposals with all possible attention, answered them with a great deal of justice.

The emperor Bonosus, who Amelian said was born not to live, but to drink, acted always with greater prudence after drinking, says Flavius Vopiscus, after Onesimus[1].

We have taken notice, in the foregoing chapter, that L. Piso, governor of Rome, though he was often drunk, acquitted himself, notwithstanding, punctually of his duty.

Christiern[2], the fourth king of Denmark, drank like a templer, and never king was more laborious, a greater lover of his subjects, or more beloved by them.

Scaliger[3] says, that a German has as much reason when he is drunk, as when he has drank nothing. Non minus sapit Germanus ebrius quam sobrius.

Montaigne[4] speaks in his Essays, of a great lord of his time, who, though he drank every day a prodigious quantity of wine, was, nevertheless, equally careful in his affairs. According to which, that which Cicero says is not generally true, viz. "That one must never expect prudence from a man that is always drunk." Nec enim ab homine nunquam sobrio postulanda prudentia[5].

Another proof that drunkenness does not render us incapable of doing any thing that is good, is, that it inspires people with courage, and even makes the coward valiant. Ad prelia trudit inertem. Experience confirms this truth. "We see," says Montaigne[6], "that our Germans, though drowned in wine, remember their post, the word, and their rank."

We read in Spartien, that a certain general having been vanquished by the Saracens, his soldiers laid all the blame of their defeat on their want of wine.

The soldiers of the army of Pescennius Niger pressed earnestly for wine, undoubtedly to make them fight the better; but he refused them in these words, "You have the Nile," said he, "and do you ask for wine?" In imitation, I suppose, of the emperor Augustus[7], who, when the people complained of the dearness and scarcity of wine, said to them, "My son-in-law, Agrippa, has preserved you from thirst, by the canals he has made for you."

By what has been said it plainly appears, that wine is so far from hindering a man from performing the duties of life, that it rather forwards him, and is an admirable ingredient in all states and conditions, both of peace and war, which made Horace[8] thus bespeak the god of wine.

"Quanquam choreis aptior et jocis Ludoque dictus, non sat idoneus Pugnis ferebaris, sed idem Pacis eras mediusque belli."

Tho' thou more apt for love than furious war, And gay desires to move, thy chiefest care, Yet war, and sweetest pleasures, you can join, Both Mars and Venus are devotes to wine.

[Footnote 1: Flav. Vopisc. in vita Bonos.]

[Footnote 2: Amel. de la Houssai sur Tacit. Ann. liv. xi. ch. 35.]

[Footnote 3: Scaligeriana, p. 169.]

[Footnote 4: L. ii. ch. 2.]

[Footnote 5: Orat. ii. Philip.]

[Footnote 6: Essais, l. ii. ch. 2.]

[Footnote 7: Sueton. in Vit. August.]

[Footnote 8: Lib. ii. Od. 19.]



CHAP. XXV.

BURLESQUE, RIDICULOUS, AND OUT-OF-THE-WAY THOUGHTS, AGAINST DRUNKENNESS.

It is reported that Gerson should say, That there was no difference between a man's killing himself at one stroke, or to procure death by several, in getting drunk.

Somebody has burlesqued this verse of Ovid[1]:—

Vina parant animos, faciuntque coloribus aptos.[1a]

And thus changed it,

Vina parant asinos, faciuntque furoribus aptos.

Cyneas[2] alluding to those high trees to which they used to fasten the vines, said one day, discoursing on wine, that it was not without reason that his mother was hanged upon so high a gibbet.

"[3]The diversion that people took heretofore in making one another drunk, appeared more heinous to St. Augustine than an assassination, for he maintained, that those who made any one drunk, did him greater injury than if they had given him a stab with a dagger.

"A Greek[4] physician once wrote a letter to Alexander, in which he begged him to remember, that every time that he drank wine, he drank the pure blood of the earth, and that he must not abuse it.

"[5]Some poets say, that it was the blood of the gods wounded in their battle with the giants.

"[6]The Severians in St. Epiphanius, hold, that it was engendered by a serpent, and it is for that reason that the vine is so strong. And the Encratites, in the same author, imagine to themselves that it was the gall of the devil.

"Noah[7] in an hour of drunkenness," says St. Jerom, "let his body be seen naked, which he had kept covered for six hundred years."

[Footnote 1: Sphinx Theol. p. 682.]

[[Footnote 1a: Ovid, Ars Amatoria 237.]]

[Footnote 2: Diver, cur. t. i. p. 141.]

[Footnote 3: Rep. des Lett. Janv. 1687. Art. I.]

[Footnote 4: Androcydes.]

[Footnote 5: Entret. de Voiture, et de Costar, Lett. 29.]

[Footnote 6: Lib. i. Heres. 47.]

[Footnote 7: Ep. ad Ocean.]



CHAP. XXVI.

A RIDICULOUS AVERSION THAT SOME HAVE TO WINE.

An aversion to wine is a thing not very common; and there are but a very few but will say with Catullus:—

"At vos quo lubet, hinc abite lymphae Vini pernicies."[a]

Pernicious water, bane to wine, be gone.

One should certainly be very much in the wrong to put in the number of those who had an aversion to wine the duke of Clarence. His brother, Edward the Fourth, prejudiced with the predictions of Merlin, as if they foretold, that one day that duke should usurp the crown from his children, resolved to put him to death, he only gave him the liberty to choose what death he would die of. The duke being willing to die a merry death, chose to be drowned in a butt of Malmsey. Not unlike him on whom this epigram was made.

"[1]In cyatho vini pleno cum musca periret; Sic, ait Oeneus, sponte perire velim."

In a full glass of wine expir'd a fly; So, said Oeneus, would I freely die.

But let us come in earnest to those who have really had an antipathy to wine. Herbelot[2], in his Bibliotheque Orientale, says, that there are some Mussulmans so superstitious, that they will not call wine by its true name, which is Schamr and Nedibh; and that there are some princes amongst them that have forbidden the mentioning of it by express laws. The reason of all this is, the prohibition of Mahomet to his followers, which enjoins them not to drink wine. The occasion of which prohibition is as follows: "[3]They say, that passing one day through a village, and seeing the people in the mirth of wine embracing and kissing one another, and making a thousand protestations of friendship, he was so charmed with the sight, that he blessed the wine, as the best thing in the world. But that, at his return, observing the same place full of blood, and having been informed, that the same men whom he had seen before so merry, had, at last, changed their mirth into rage, and been fighting with their swords, he recalled his benediction, and cursed wine for ever, on account of the bad effects it produced."

It is one of the chief commandments amongst the Siameze, to drink no wine, nor any liquor that will procure drunkenness[4].

"[5]Drunkenness is detested in most parts of hot countries. It is looked upon there as infamous. The greatest affront you can give a Spaniard, is to call him drunkard. I have been assured, continues M. Bayle, a servant, if his master should call him so, might bring his action at law against him, and recover damages, though any other name he will suffer very patiently, and without any right of complaint of being injured in his reputation, as rogue, hang-dog, b——, &c."

Empedocles, we may well conclude, loved wine, which he called, Water putrified in wood.

[6]Amongst the Locrians, Seleucus had such an aversion to wine, that he forbad any one to drink it under pain of death, or even give it to the sick.

Apollonius Thyanaeus never drank any wine, no more than St. Fulgentius, bishop, S. Stephen, king of Poland, and cardinal Emeri.

"[7]The Severians, disciples of Severus, in the time of pope Sotherus, condemned absolutely wine, as a creature of the devil."

[8]The emperor Frederick the Third, seeing his wife barren, consulted the physicians upon the case; who told him, that if the empress would drink wine she might be fruitful. But he told them, like a simpleton as he was, That he had rather his wife should be barren and sober, than be fruitful and drink wine. And the empress, being informed of the wise answer of the imperial ninny-hammer, her husband, said full as wisely, That if she was to be put to her choice, to drink wine or die, she should make no manner of hesitation, but prefer death.

De nimia sapientia libera nos domine.

[[Footnote a: Catullus XXVII.5-6.]]

[Footnote 1: Rem. sur Rabel. t. iv. ch. 93.]

[Footnote 2: Page 777.]

[Footnote 3: Du Mont. Voyag. t. iii. let. 5.]

[Footnote 4: Chaumont Voyag. de Siam.]

[Footnote 5: Bayle Dict. t. ii. p. 1266.]

[Footnote 6: AElian, lib. ii. ch. 33.]

[Footnote 7: Du Mont. Voyag. t. iii. lit. 5.]

[Footnote 8: Rec. choise d'Hist.]



CHAP. XXVII.

RIGOROUS LAWS AGAINST WINE AND DRUNKENNESS.

It is easy to imagine, that princes who did not love wine themselves, would make very rigorous laws against drunkenness, and fall into that fault which Horace speaks of.

Dum vitant stulti vitia in contraria currunt.[a]

But this maxim, Nullum violentum durabile, has been verified a great many times, upon this subject of drunkenness, for all the laws made against it have not long subsisted.

Pentheus[1], king of Thebes, endeavoured to extirpate entirely the custom of getting drunk; but he did not find his account in it, for he was very ill-treated by his subjects for his pains.

Lycurgus[2], king of Thrace, commanded all the vines of the country to be cut up; for which he was justly punished by Bacchus. He also made laws against drunkenness, which one may reckon amongst the bad ones that he instituted. As,

I. The using women in common.

II. The nudity of young women in certain solemn festivals.

"Pittacus[3], one of the wise men of Greece, commanded, that he who committed a fault when he was drunk, should suffer a double punishment. And amongst the laws of Solon, there was one, which condemned to death the chief magistrate if he got drunk. Amongst the Indians, who only just touch wine in the ceremonies of their sacrifices, the law commands, that the woman who killed one of their kings, should get drunk, and marry his successor."

[4]The Athenians had also very severe laws against those that should get drunk; but one may say, these laws resembled those of Draco, which were written rather with blood than ink.

We come now to the Turks. Sir Paul Ricaut[5] tells us several particulars on this head. Amurath, says he, resolved, in the year 1634, to forbid entirely the use of wine. He put out a severe edict, which commanded all the houses where they sold wine to be razed, the barrels wherever they should be found to be staved, and the wine to be let out into the streets. And that he might truly be satisfied his orders were obeyed, he frequently disguised himself, and walked in that manner about the city; and when he found any one carrying wine, he sent him to prison, and had him bastinadoed almost to death. One day he met in the streets a poor deaf man, who not hearing the noise usually made at the approach of the sultan, did not soon enough avoid a prince whose presence was so fatal. This negligence cost him his life. He was strangled by order of the grand seignior, who commanded his body to be cast into the street. But this great severity did not last long, and all things returned to their former condition.

However, matters took again another turn under the reign of Mahomet the IVth. who, in 1670, resolved to forbid all the soldiery the use of wine. The terrible seditions that liquor had formerly raised were remembered, and especially that which happened under Mahomet the Third, who saw his seraglio forced by a great multitude of soldiers full of wine, and whose fury he could not free himself from, but by sacrificing his principal favourites. An edict was published, to prohibit entirely the use of wine, and to command all those who had any in their houses, to send it out of town. The same extended all over the empire. The sultan condemned to death those who should violate this decree, in which he spoke of wine as of a liquor infernal, invented by the devil to destroy the souls of men, to disturb their reason, and put states into combustion. This was rigorously put in execution, and to that extremity, that it cost the ambassador of England, and the christian merchants of Constantinople, great solicitations, and large sums of money, to get leave to make only as much wine as would suffice for their own families. At Smyrna, the officers of the grand seignior had not the same indulgence for the christians, who were one whole year without wine; and it was with great difficulty they got leave to import it from the isles of the Archipelago, and other places not comprised in that prohibition; for this prohibition reached only those places where there were mosques. Besides all this, they made every Friday sermons stuffed full of declamations against those who should drink it. In short, this edict was so severe, that wine seemed to be banished for ever the states of the grand seignior. But in about a year's time its severity was somewhat remitted. The ambassadors, and other christians, had leave to make wine within themselves; and about a year after that, the indulgence for wine was general, the taverns were opened, and at this day that liquor is as common as it was before.

[[Footnote a: Horace, Satire I.ii.24.]]

[Footnote 1: Sphinx. Theol. p. 669.]

[Footnote 2: Hist. 7 Sap.]

[Footnote 3: Chevreana, t. i. p. 217.]

[Footnote 4: Hist. 7 Sap.]

[Footnote 5: See his Turkish Hist.]



CHAP. XXVIII.

RULES TO BE OBSERVED IN GETTING DRUNK. I. NOT TOO OFTEN. II. IN GOOD COMPANY.

To avoid the disorders that drunkenness might cause, here are some rules that ought to be observed in this important affair of getting drunk; for, according to Pliny, the art of getting drunk has its laws.

Haec ars suis legibus constat.[a]

I. The first, and principal of these, is not to get drunk too often. This is what Seneca[1] recommends very much. "You must not," says he, "do it often, for fear it grow into a habit; it is but only sometimes you should make your spirits gay in banishing gloomy sobriety."

And if any person objects, That if one gets drunk sometimes, one shall do it often. I deny the consequence, and say in the words of the philosopher, an axiom held by both universities, that

Ab actu ad habitum non valet consequentia.

II. Second rule. One must not get drunk but in good company. That is to say, with good friends, people of wit, honour, and good humour, and where there is good wine. For example, a man in former times would have done very ill to get drunk with Heliogabalus, whose historian[2] reports, that after having made his friends drunk, he used to shut them up in an apartment, and at night let loose upon them lions, leopards, and tigers, which always tore to pieces some of them. On the other hand, the best wine in the world will taste very bad in bad company. It is therefore that Martial reproaches one, that he spoiled his good wine with his silly babbling.

—————— Verbis mucida vina facis.[2a]

[[Footnote a: Pliny, Natural History XIV.50 (or XIV.xxviii.146).]]

[Footnote 1: De Tranquillitate.]

[Footnote 2: AElius Lamprid. in Vit. Heliogab.]

[[Footnote 2a: Martial VIII.vi.4.]]



CHAP. XXIX.

THIRD RULE, WITH GOOD WINE.

When one has a mind to get drunk, one should make choice of good wine, and not drink bad, which is prejudicial to health. For example, green wine is very bad; this Guilleaume Cretin[1], a great punster, has expressed in these verses, which, I own, I am not able to put into English:—

"Par ce vin verds Atropos a trop os Des corps humains ruez envers en vers Dont un quidam apre aux pots a propos A fort blame les tours pervers en vers."

Good wine, on the contrary, has very good effects. Erasmus[2] preserved himself from the plague, by drinking a glass of Burgundy at a proper season.

You see now the efficacy of good wine, which, to be in its perfection, the adepts in the free-schools of Liber Pater say, must have these four properties, and please these four senses:— the taste by its savour, the smell by its flavour, the sight by its clean and bright colour, and the ear by the fame of the country where it grows. Old wine was looked upon to be the best by the ancients.

A beauty, when advanc'd in age, No more her lovers can engage; But wine, the rare advantage, knows, It pleases more, more old it grows.

And were they never so old themselves, they would still, if possible, have the wine older than they were. Nec cuiquam adeo longa erat vita, ut non ante se genita potaret[3]. Which these words of Seneca[4] also confirm, "Why at your house do you drink wine older than yourself? Cur apud te vinum apud te vetustius bibitur."

Martial says, "Do you ask me of what consulate this wine is? It was before there were any consuls in the world.

"De sinuessanis venerunt massica praelis: Condita quo quaeris consule? nullus erat."[4a]

At present the fame of the best wine in Europe is reckoned to be, that of Monte Fiascone, two days journey from Rome. Here it was a German abbot killed himself by drinking too much of this delicious creature. The story is this, and it is related in Lassell's Travels:—

A certain German abbot, travelling to Rome, ordered his servant to ride before him, and when he found the best wine, to chalk upon the door of the inn (in order to save time) the word EST. Coming to Monte Fiascone, he found it so excellent, that he put down, Est, Est, Est, which the abbot finding true, drank so plentifully of it, that he went no farther on his journey, but lies buried, they say, in the cathedral church, with this epitaph, written by his servant the purveyor.

Est, Est, Est, et Propter nimium Est, Herus meus Dominus Abbas mortuus Est.

The wine called Lachrymae Christi, or the Tears of Christ, is a most delicious wine. At least a master of arts of the university of Cologn thought so, who going also to Rome, drank at the same place pretty heartily of it, and out of the abundance of his heart cried out,

Utinam Christus lachrymatus fuisset in nostra patria.

I wish Christ had shed tears in our country.

M. Hofman believes, that Rhenish wine is the best of all wines for one's health.

There grows also most excellent wines in France, such as Champagne.

Wenceslaus[5], king of Bohemia and the Romans, being come into France on account of some negociations with Charles the Sixth, arrived at Rheins in the month of March, 1397. When he was in that city he found the wine so good, that he got drunk more than once; and being one day in that condition, that he could not enter into any serious discourses, he rather chose to grant what was asked of him than leave off drinking.

The wines of Burgundy must not be forgotten, which some prefer to Champagne. "Baudius called vin de beaulne, vinum deorum, the wine of the gods[6]."

The wines of Ai are also very excellent. S. Evremont[7] says, that Leo the Tenth, Charles the Fifth, Francis the First, and Hen. VIII. king of England, did not think it below their dignity, amongst the most important affairs of state, to take care to have the wines of Ai. Henry IV. caused himself to be styled lord of Ai and Gonesse.

But I shall desire my readers here to observe two things, First, That artificial wines, and a many other liquors, containing a great deal of gross, viscous matter, excite a drunkenness more long and dangerous than that which is produced by ordinary wines. Another thing is, Never to get drunk with brandy, spirits, and strong waters. Patin[8] says very pleasantly, that these are sugared poisons which surely kill: they give life to those who sell them, and death to those who use them.

[Footnote 1: Rem. sur. Rabel. t. iii. p. 39.]

[Footnote 2: Journ. des Scav. June, 1706.]

[Footnote 3: Plin.] [[Natural History XIX.20 (or XIX.xix.53).]]

[Footnote 4: De Vit. beat. c. 17.]

[[Footnote 4a: Martial XIII.111.]]

[Footnote 5: Journ. de Scav. June, 1706.]

[Footnote 6: Patimana, p. 34.]

[Footnote 7: Lett. S. Evrem.]

[Footnote 8: Vign. Marvill, t. ii. p. 7.]



CHAP. XXX.

FOURTH RULE, AT CONVENIENT TIMES.

Though one must not get drunk every day, one may, notwithstanding, on certain occasions. One must sometimes unbend the mind.

Neque semper arcum tendit Apollo.[a]

And when a man puts on the air of a philosopher, it is then he turns fool in affecting to be wise.

There is a time for all things, and so there is in getting drunk, that is, getting drunk with decency and decorum; and there are some times which are not convenient to do so. As for example, (for I love to illustrate what I advance,) it does not suit with decorum for a judge to be drunk on the bench; nor a crier in the court exercising his office, [hiccup, ki—— book;] a parson in the pulpit; an experimental philosopher in shewing of his gimcracks; nor a freemason on the top of a church-steeple.

But it suits very well with strict decorum, to get drunk at a public rejoicing after a signal victory.

When the proud Gaul sustain'd an overthrow By the immortal MARLBOROUGH, Ever invincible! then you and I, My Thirsis, shar'd the common joy. Blenheim and Ramillies were then our song, The day tho' short, the night was long, Till both with mighty claret glow'd, And tipsy, to our beds were shew'd.

We may also very decently get drunk with a friend we have not seen a long while.

Here 'tis——O welcome, flask divine, How bright does thy vermillion shine! Thou charming native of Dijon[1], At thy approach my cares are flown, Sad melancholy is no more, Which rack'd and plagu'd my soul before. Whether thy influence incites, (Sweet influence) to soft delights; Or else dost other measures keep, And gently urge to peaceful sleep. O may'st thou still such streams bestow, Still with such ruddy torrents flow. Damon, this bottle is your due, And more I have in store for you Under the sun the faithfullest friend; I've kept them for no other end. Drink then a bumper, 'tis a folly, Dear Damon, to be melancholy.

However rigorous the Roman laws were against drunkenness, they permitted it nevertheless on their festivals; witness what a young man said to his father in presence of the people. "[2]No father," says he, "I have no reason to be ashamed for having taken a little more wine than ordinary at a feast with my companions." Non est res qua embescam, Pater, si die festo inter aequales largiore vino fui usus.

The Persian soldiers, who otherwise lived very soberly, were permitted to get drunk once a year[3].

In Georgia, he who did not get quite drunk at their principal holidays, as at Easter and Christmas, was not looked upon to be a christian, and ought to be excommunicated. [4]So that, according to this, getting drunk at certain convenient times amongst these christians, was so far from being unlawful, that a man was not looked upon to be orthodox, without he did so. Getting drunk is therefore very orthodox.

[[Footnote a: Horace, Odes II.x.19-20.]]

[Footnote 1: Dijon, chief city in Burgundy.]

[Footnote 2: Tit. Liv. lib. iv. ch. 14.]

[Footnote 3: Alex. ab Alex, lib, ii. ch. 11.]

[Footnote 4: Voyag. de Chard. t. ii. 129.]



CHAP. XXXI.

FIFTH RULE, TO FORCE NO ONE TO DRINK.

It is very ridiculous and unreasonable to force any one to drink, because the taking away liberty spoils company, the benefit of which cannot subsist without freedom. Besides, every man's capacity of drinking is not the same; one shall be able to drink a gallon, and another a pint; the latter, therefore, by drinking a pint, has drank as much as the former when he has taken off his gallon, because they both have drank as they can, and ——— Ferdinando ——— No man can do more than he can do. Let every man, therefore, have the liberty to drink as he pleases, without being tied up to the mad laws of drinking. I am of the same opinion in this matter with brother Horace:—

—————— Prout cuiq; libide est Siccat inequales calices conviva solutus Legibus insanis, sen quis capit acria fortis Pocula, seu modicis humescit laetius——[a]

We learn from history, that there was an ancient law amongst the Persians, that forbad anyone to force another to drink. The Lacedemonians also had that laudable custom.

Charlemagne also made a law, that prohibited forcing any one to drink.

Mr. Bayle reports a very pleasant revenge that M. Peyren gave to Raphael Thorius, a very learned person, who would force him to drink, which take as follows. "[1]M. Peyren dining at London with several persons of learning, could not be discharged from drinking a health that Dr. Thorius toasted. The glass was of a prodigious size, which M. Peyren, for that reason, a long while refused, and alleged a thousand reasons, but all in vain; he must empty the glass. Before he did it he made this agreement with his antagonist, that he should drink a health afterwards that he should toast to him; which being consented to, he took off the bumper, and filled the glass full of water, and drank it off to the doctor, who thereupon was thunderstruck, but seeing he could not get off, sighed deeply, and lifted the glass a thousand times to his lips, and as often drew it back again: he called to his assistance all the quaint sayings of the Greek and Latin poets, and was almost the whole day drinking that cursed bumper."

This is not much unlike what M. Chevreau reports of Marigni, who, "[2]after having dined at one of the best eating-houses in Frankfort, with six or seven persons of quality, was called to the sideboard, where one of them began the emperor's health. This he must drink, and as he foresaw very well, that this extravagance would be attended with others, he ordered three or four great pieces of bread to be brought to him, and having eaten half of one to the health of the king of France, he gave the other half to the other, who took it, indeed, but would not so much as put it to his mouth. The company surprized at so unexpected a novelty, let him alone without any contradiction."

Nevertheless, one should be very diligent in observing this rule, which is, That when we find ourselves in the company of people that drink, and would not run those lengths they are going to do, to retire; and this was a standing law amongst the Greeks in their festivals, and ought to be as unalterable as the laws of the Medes and Persians, viz.

DRINK, OR GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

[[Footnote a: Horace, Satires II.6.67-70.]]

[Footnote 1: Diction, p. 2875. Art. Thor.]

[Footnote 2: Chevraeana, t. ii. p. 188.]



CHAP. XXXII.

SIXTH RULE, NOT TO PUSH DRUNKENNESS TOO FAR.

It is certain, that to do well, we ought continually to have an eye to this maxim of Horace, viz. Est modus in rebus. And the Ne quid nimis of Terence; but especially, in this grand and most important affair of drunkenness. Seneca very well distinguishes two sorts of drunkenness, one which entirely buries our reason; and the other, which only diverts melancholy and chagrin. The last we believe to be very lawful; but we would have it go farther, even so far, as not only to divert, but to drive away our cares entirely, or else not to get drunk at all. That which is between these, if any such there can be, does one an injury, according to the poet:—

Aut nulla ebrietas, aut tanta sit ut tibi curas Eripiat, si quae est inter utramque nocet.[a]

After this manner would we have people use the juice of the grape; that is, to go so far as to make our hearts merry, gay, and sprightly, and so as to forget our cares.

It would be here useless to shew, by a great many examples, the disorders that drunkenness has caused, when pushed too far, because it was never the intention of this work, but to divert (as wine was designed to do) and make merry, I shall therefore conclude the whole with an Ode to Bacchus, as follows:—

[[Footnote a: Ovid, Remedium Amoris 809-810.]]



AN ODE TO BACCHUS.

I.

Let's sing the glories of the god of wine, May his immortal praise Be the eternal object of our song, And sweetest symphonies; may ev'ry tongue And throat sonorous, vocal music raise, And ev'ry grateful instrument combine To celebrate, great god, thy power divine. Let other poets to the world relate, Of Troy, the hard, unhappy fate; And in immortal song rehearse, Purpled with streams of blood the Phrygian plain; The glorious hist'ry of Achilles slain, And th' odious memory of Pelop's sons revive in verse.

II.

God of the grape, thou potent boy, Thou only object of our cordial vows, To thee alone I consecrate my heart, Ready to follow thee in ev'ry part: Thy influence sweet mirth bestows, For thee alone I'd live and die in scenes of joy. Thy bounty all our wishes still prevents; Thy wond'rous sweetness calms to soft repose Our wild regrets and restless woes, And richly ev'ry craving mind contents. Without thee Venus has no charms; You constancy to am'rous souls impart, And hopes bestow to each despairing heart,

III.

But, what involuntary transports roll, And seize, at once, my agitated soul! Into what sacred vale! what silent wood! (I speak not by the vulgar understood,) Am I, O god! O wond'rous deity! Ravish'd, brimful of thy divinity and thee! To my (once infidel) believing eyes Bacchus unveils entire his sacred mysteries. Movements confus'd of joy and fear Hurry me I know not where. With boldness all divine the god inspires; With what a pleasing fury am I fill'd! Such raging fires Never the Menades in Thracian caves beheld.

IV.

Descend, O mother-queen of love, Leave a while the realms above; With your gay presence grace the feast Of that great god, who bears a boundless sway, Who conquer'd climates where first rose the day. Descend, O mother-queen of love, At rich repasts an ever welcome guest; But O ——, too long you stay, Already young Amyntor, brisk and gay, His lovely Doris o'er the plain pursues: The sparkling juice at Sylvan nymphs command Richly distils from their ambrosial hand, And old Silenus copiously bedews.

V.

Hence, ye profane, I hate ye all, fly, quit the field, My ready soul gives way To those gay movements, this important day Inspires, so to the conq'ror willing captives yield. Come, faithful followers of Bacchus' train, (Bacchus, most lovely of the gods) Enter these bless'd abodes. On high his verdant banners rear, And quick the festival prepare. Reach me my lute, a proper air The chords shall sound; the trembling chords obey, And join to celebrate this glorious day.

VI.

But 'midst the transports of a pleasing rage Let's banish ever hence, By a blind vapour rais'd, and vain pretence, Those loud seditious clamours that engage Only inhuman, brutish souls, By barb'rous Scythians only understood, Who cruelly their flowing bowls At banquets intermix with streams of blood. Dreadful, preposterous, merriment! Our hands all gayly innocent, Ought ne'er in such confusion bear a part, Polluted with a savage Centaur's mortal dart.

VII.

From this sweet innocent repast, (Too exquisite, alas! to last) Let's ever banish the rude din of arms, Frightful Bellona, and her dread alarms. The dire confusions of pernicious war, The satyrs, fauns, and Bacchus, all abhor. Curs'd be those sanguinary mortals, who Of reeking blood with crimson tides The sacred mysteries imbrue Of our great god who over peace presides.

VIII.

But if I must wage war, If so necessity commands, Follow, my friends, advance your hands, Let us commence the pleasing jar. With wreaths of ivy be our temples bound, Hark! to arms, to arms, they sound, Th' alarm to battle calls, Lend me your formidable Thyrse, ye Bacchanals. Double your strokes. Bold——bolder yet, 'Tis done———— How many rivals conquer'd lie? How many hardy combatants submit? O son of Jupiter, thy deity, And sovereign power, we own, and aid divine; Nothing but heaps of jolly topers slain I see extended on the plain, Floating in ruddy streams of reeking wine.