(SHE administers a smart rap on the nose. TOBY'S nerves give way and he howls loud and long.)

SHE

Quiet! Not a word I say! Out of my sight! I don't know what's the matter, but I hate you! And that Cat sitting there, looking at me, like a bump on a log!...

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (bristling)

If She dares to touch me, I'll devour her!

(Just at this dangerous crisis a low rumbling is heard, distant and then near. Impossible to tell whether it comes from the horizon, or arises in the house itself. All three lose interest in the quarrel.

TOBY-DOG and KIKI-THE-DEMURE slink away, as if responding to a signal, and seek shelter, one under the bookcase and the other under an armchair. SHE turns anxiously to the leaden-hued garden, and the great violet bank of cloud, which of a sudden is riven by a blinding streak of blue fire.)

SHE, TOBY-DOG, KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (all together)

Oh!

(A sudden crash shakes the windows, and instantly a great rush of wind envelopes the house, with a noise as of flapping canvas:—all the garden prostrates itself.)

SHE, (in anguish)

Heavens! the apples!

TOBY-DOG, (invisible)

I'll let them cut my ears into strips rather than leave this hiding-place!

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (invisible)

I can't help hearing, and it's as if I saw everything that's going on. She hastens to close the windows. Someone is running on the stairs. Aie! Another awful flame—and everything is falling in! Silence now.... I wonder are they all dead? I'll look through the fringes of the chair, though it's risking my life to do so. Ah, hailstones making holes in the leaves! Here comes the rain, in silvery drops, wide apart, and so heavy that the gravel wrinkles up when they fall.

SHE, (heart-broken)

I can hear the peaches falling, and the green nuts too!

(All three are silent. Rain; quivering streaks of lightning; hissing in the pine-trees. The wind howls. A lull.)

TOBY-DOG

I'm not quite so afraid as I was. The sound of the rain relaxes my tired nerves. I seem to feel its streaming warmth on my ears and the back of my neck. Now the hubbub is further off! I can hear myself breathe. The light coming under this bookcase, is brighter than it was. What is She doing? I daren't go out yet. If only the Cat would move! (He sticks out his head, like a wary turtle. A flash of lightning makes him draw it back again.) Ha! It's beginning all over again. Rain by the bucketfuls against the window-panes. Something in the chimney is trying to imitate that far-away rumbling. Everything's falling to pieces ... and She gave me a rap on the nose!

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

Drop by drop, a little brownish river is filtering under the loose window-sash. It's stretching out and out on the floor, winding its way over to me. I'm so hot and thirsty, I'd like to lap up some of it. My joints ache and my ears are tired of standing up like weather-cocks at every crash. My jaws are still clenched with nervous fear. The seat of this chair is too low; it annoys me, rubbing against the fur on my back. However, it's some comfort to be able to think of such things—thanks to the peace that's descended on the house. The rain is falling quietly and the wind has gone down, but the memory of the din still hums in my ears. What can He be doing? The storm distresses him too. Why didn't He come forward to calm the raging elements? There She is, opening the porch door. Isn't it too soon?... No, for the hens are cackling like old maids as they hop over the puddles. We're going to have fine weather. Oh, the adorable smell of wet leaves and earth refreshed! It's so new, so pure, I seem to breathe for the first time!

(He creeps stealthily to the porch.)

TOBY-DOG, (suddenly)

Um! How good! That smells like a walk! Things change so quickly one hasn't time to think. She's opened the door? Let's run! (He dashes out.) Well! well! the garden has got back its own color again! A warmish vapor moistens my rough-grained nose. I'm filled with the desire to jump and run. The grass is reeking, shining wet. Horned snails are feeling around in the pink gravel with the tips of their eyes, and speckled black and white slugs embroider the wall with a silver ribbon. Oh! what a beautiful green and gold beastie running out there in the wet! Shall I catch it? Shall I scratch its metallic shell, until it breaks with a little crackling sound? No. I'd rather stay near Her. She's leaning against the door, taking deep breaths and smiling quietly to herself. I'm so happy! Something inside me feels grateful to the whole world. The light is beautiful, and I'm quite sure that there'll never, never be another storm.

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

I shan't wait any longer; I'm going out. I'll find dry places between the puddles for my dainty paws to step on. An imperceptible thrill runs through the streaming garden, making the jewels hung all about, tremble and sparkle.... The slanting rays of the setting sun find their reflection in my eyes which are spangled with green and gold. Down near the horizon, where the sky is still unsettled, a glittering sword leaps up and puts to flight the dark, fuming cloud-horses, that have been galloping over our heads. Now the odor of the daturas rises and perfumes all the air, mingled with that of lemon leaves, bruised by the hail. The roses are crowned with midges. Oh sudden springtime! An involuntary smile stretches the corners of my mouth. I'm going to play at tickling my nostrils with the point of a sweet-smelling blade of grass, carefully stretching my neck to avoid the falling drops. But I want Him to follow and admire me. Will He not come out and enjoy himself with us?

(A voice is heard humming the motif of the Regensbogen: sol, si, re, sol, la, si,—all flats. A door opens and closes again. HE appears under the dripping foliage of vines and jasmine, framing the veranda, and at the same moment, a rainbow is seen in the sky.)



A CALLER

(A winter's afternoon, in Paris. The studio; a fire crackles gently in the tower-shaped stove. TOBY-DOG and KIKI-THE-DEMURE, one on the floor, the other on his own particular cushion, proceed with the minute toilet which follows a long siesta. Peace reigns.)

TOBY-DOG

My nails grow faster here than in the country.

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

It's the contrary, with mine.

TOBY-DOG

Really!

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (bitterly)

Not to be wondered at! She clips them for the sake of the hangings ... Well! (Magniloquently), what can't be cured must be endured.

TOBY-DOG

What are you going to do to-day?

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

Why ... nothing.

TOBY-DOG, (ironically)

For a change I suppose.

KIKI-THE-DEMURE Pardon, to avoid change. What is this rage for change that takes possession of you all? Change means destruction. Only that which remains stationary is eternal.

TOBY-DOG

I'm eternal then, these three hours past.

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

But you've been out with Her, haven't you? You came in like a whirlwind; bells rang, clothes were shaken out, you were sneezing and laughing and aureoled with icy air.... The end of her nose felt so cold when She kissed me on the forehead. She always kisses me there, just over the dark stripes forming the classic M, which She assures me stands for miaou and for Minet, my name in French.

TOBY-DOG

Yes ... we had a fine run on the banks of the fortifications, and then we went into a shop.

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

Is that amusing?

TOBY-DOG Not often. There are a great many people crowded together. I'm immediately seized with the fear of losing Her, and I stick close to her heels, no matter what comes. Strange feet push and knock me about and step on my paws. I yelp but the skirts all around stifle my voice.... When we're out of it, we both look as if we'd been shipwrecked....

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

May the gods preserve me from anything of the sort! Here, the moments have glided peacefully by. When She's not in this house, there's nothing to hinder me; I employ the time as my system of hygiene dictates. After my breakfast of rosy liver and milk, my kittenhood seems to come back to me; I'm filled with a foolish gayety. I go over to him. He's rumpling big, blackish papers and welcomes me with a quiet smile; we loll on the same divan, and revel in a few idle moments together. Sometimes, with imperious paw, I tear the paper He holds like a screen between us. It always seems to me the most desirable—the one that crackles best. He cries out, and I throw myself on my back and wriggle with joy in a sort of horizontal dance, He calls "the dance of the bayadeer." Then somehow, everything dwindles before my eyes, grows dim, and far away; I want to rise and go back to my cushion, but dreams already separate me from the world ... Ah! blessed hour when you and She disappear, when the house is at rest and takes a long breath. Soon I'm in the depths of a dark, sweet sleep; my ears alone keep watch and turn like sensitive antennas towards vague sounds of doors and bells ...

(At this moment someone rings. TOBY-DOG and KIKI-THE-DEMURE start and change their positions. The Cat, sitting, encircles himself with his fluffy tail. The Dog, in a sphinx-like attitude, lifts his head boldly.)

KIKI-THE-DEMURE

What's that?

TOBY-DOG

A tradesman?

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (shrugging his shoulders)

That's not the kitchen bell. Perhaps it's caller.

TOBY-DOG, (with a bound)

What luck! They'll have tea and cakes! Come on!! Sugar, sugar! Little cakes! Little cakes!!

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (gloomily)

To see ladies who shriek, and put gloved hands on my back—hands covered with dead skin?... ugh!

(Feminine voices are heard—Hers among them—and the clear tinkling of a little bell; then the door opens and a very diminutive toy terrier enters, alone. She's black and tan, seems in love with herself, and comes forward with a mincing step.)

THE LITTLE DOG, (voice way up in her head)

I'm the darling little dog, so pretty!

(TOBY is struck dumb with admiration and astonishment. KIKI, indignant, has jumped on top of the piano and remains an unseen and hostile spectator.)

THE LITTLE DOG, (astonished at not hearing the chorus of admiration that everywhere greets her, is reciting—)

I'm the darling little dog, so pretty! I weigh only one pound, eleven ounces, my collar is of gold, my ears of black satin, lined with shiny rubber, my nails are polished like the beaks of little birds. (Catching sight of TOBY-DOG.) Oh!—someone—(silence). He's rather good-looking.

(They ogle and strut.)

TOBY-DOG

How tiny she is!

THE LITTLE DOG

Sir—don't come near me.

TOBY-DOG

Why not?

THE LITTLE DOG

I don't know. My mistress knows. She's not here. She stayed in the other room.

TOBY-DOG

How old are you?

THE LITTLE DOG Eleven months, (reciting) I'm eleven months old. At the dog show, my mother took first prize for beauty. I weigh only one pound eleven ounces and—

TOBY-DOG

You've said that already. What makes you so little?

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (from the piano)

She's ugly, and has an evil odor. Her paws are deformed, she can't stand still an instant, and this dog takes pains to make himself fascinating!

THE LITTLE DOG, (very coquettish and talkative) It's my lineage, of course. One can hold me in a muff. You've seen my new collar? It's gold....

TOBY-DOG

And what's that hanging from it?

THE LITTLE DOG

My mother's medal, Sir. I always wear it. I come from the Palais de Glace, where I made quite a hit. Imagine! I wanted to bite a gentleman who was speaking to my mistress. How they laughed!

(She wriggles and chirps.)

TOBY-DOG, (aside)

What an odd creature! Is she really a dog? (Sniffs.) Yes ... smells of rice powder, but it's a dog just the same. (Aloud.) Sit down a moment, it makes me quite dizzy to see you moving about so.

THE LITTLE DOG

Certainly. (She lies down, like a miniature greyhound, crossing her fore-paws to show the slimness of her toes.) You were here all alone?

TOBY-DOG, (looking toward the piano)

Yes, no other dog. Why?

THE LITTLE DOG

There's a strange odor.

TOBY-DOG

The Cat, doubtless.

THE LITTLE DOG

The Cat? What's a Cat? I've never seen one. Do they leave you in the room all alone?

TOBY-DOG

It happens so now and then.

THE LITTLE DOG

And you don't bark? I cry as soon as I'm left alone. I'm bored, afraid, feel sick, and chew up the cushions.

TOBY-DOG

And then you're whipped.

THE LITTLE DOG, (insulted)

I'm—what did you say? You're losing your senses, I imagine. (Suddenly amiable again.) That would be a pity. You have lovely eyes.

TOBY-DOG

Haven't I? They show well, don't they? They're large, and then they stick out. She says I have eyes like a lobster's, and sometimes She says "his beautiful seal's eyes, his frog-like eyes of gold."

THE LITTLE DOG

Who's She?

TOBY-DOG, (simple)

She.

THE LITTLE DOG

I don't understand all you say, but I find you so very sympathetic! What are you doing this evening?

TOBY-DOG

Why ... I dine.

THE LITTLE DOG

Naturally! I wanted to know whether they receive here this evening, or do you go out?

TOBY-DOG

No, I've been out already.

THE LITTLE DOG

Driving?

TOBY-DOG

Walking—of course.

THE LITTLE DOG

Why, of course? I hardly stir except in a carriage. Show me the underside of your paws. Horrors! One would say 'twas the stone they sharpen knives on! Look at mine. Satin on top, velvet underneath.

TOBY-DOG

I'd like to see you in the country, on the cobble-stones.

THE LITTLE DOG

I've been there, Sir. I was in the country last summer and there weren't any cobble-stones.

TOBY-DOG

Then it wasn't the country. You don't know what country means.

THE LITTLE DOG, (vexed)

Indeed I do, Sir! It's fine sand, and velvety lawns that are swept every morning; it's a reclining chair on the grass, great, fresh cushions of cretonne, foamy milk, naps in the shade, and charming little red apples to play with.

TOBY-DOG, (shaking his head)

No. It's the road covered with white powder that makes the eyelids smart and the paws burn, the tough, shriveled, sweet-smelling grass, where I scratch my nose and my gums; it's the fearful night—for I'm the only one to guard them, He and She. I lie in my basket, but the beating of my poor overdriven heart keeps me awake. I hear a dog crying to me from far off, that the Bad Man has passed on the road. Is he coming in my direction? Will I be obliged in another minute, my eyes bloodshot and tongue dry as chalk, to throw myself upon him and devour his shadowy face?...

THE LITTLE DOG, (trembling and in ecstasy)

Go on! Go on! Oh! how frightened I am!...

TOBY-DOG, (modestly) Don't be afraid—it has never happened. All that is the country, yes, and the interminable hill, in the shadow of the carriage, when thirst, hunger, heat and fatigue, render the soul submissive and hopeless ...

THE LITTLE DOG, (quite worked up)

And then?

TOBY-DOG

Oh, nothing. One arrives at the house, after all, and the pail of dark water, one drinks without taking breath, ("his tongue," She says, "his big tongue is parted in the center, like an iris-petal") while sore eyelids and dusty lashes are splashed with cooling drops.... The country is all that and many things besides....

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (on the piano, musingly)

All that, yes ...and the habits of the year before that one finds again, molded to one's shape, like a cushion marked with the imprint of a long sleep ...the long nights of freedom, when the lone owlet, with his sad little laugh, makes his way through the air as quietly as I do on the ground, and silvery gray rats cling to the vines, eating grapes and keeping their eyes on me at the same time. It's the sun-cure on the hot stone-wall, from which I arise wan and shrunken, baked through and through, but svelte enough to make the youngest tomcat envious. (Coming back to the present with a murderous look at THE LITTLE DOG.) Death to you, ill-smelling beast, for having evoked these by-gone joys! Aren't you going to disappear, that I may come down from this cold pedestal, where my paws are growing numb?

TOBY-DOG, (enthusiastically to THE LITTLE DOG)

But let us forget all that! With you there, I can think of nothing but you. I feel that I love you!

THE LITTLE DOG, (lowering her eyes)

Do you mean ...really?

TOBY-DOG

Of course I do!

THE LITTLE DOG

So soon!

TOBY-DOG

We've already wasted a great deal of time.

THE LITTLE DOG

But ... we've been chatting. I've enjoyed it very much ... and I fail to understand why the society of young dogs like you, is forbidden me ...

TOBY-DOG

Allow me to make love to you.

THE LITTLE DOG

What's that?

TOBY-DOG

I'll show you. First I hold myself very erect, stiffen my legs, walk 'round you, barking low and melodiously. My tail wriggles, my ears ...

THE LITTLE DOG

Don't come near me. I feel quite upset. (Escaping.) Aie! You unmannerly fellow!

KIKI-THE-DEMURE, (standing up)

These preludes are indeed a sad parody on our wild love-making ... (aloud, very angry) I should think—

THE LITTLE DOG looks to see where the dreadful voice is coming from, and espies a strange striped monster with eyes afire, and eyebrows and whiskers bristling ferociously. She dashes towards the door crying,

Help, help! There's a tiger on the piano!...

And falls into the arms of her mistress, who has come upon the scene and proceeds to console her with great volubility; Fifi! my Zezette! My darling! there, there, goo, goo, goo, goo, you poor helpless little doggie! What did they do to her? Ooooo!—Ooo! Was it the naughty bow-bow? etc., etc., etc.

THE END