QUEEN. I hear thy tongue, true perfect charity! Chaste maid, fair maid, look up and speak to me.

MAT. Who's here? My gracious sovereign Isabel! I will take strength and kneel.

QUEEN. Matilda, sit; I'll kneel to thee. Forgive me, gentle girl, My most ungentle wrongs.

MAT. Fair, beauteous queen, I give God thanks I do not think on wrongs.

OX. How now, Fitzwater's child! How dost thou, girl?

MAT. Well, my good Lord of Oxford; pretty well: A little travail[360] more, and I shall rest, For I am almost at my journey's end. O that my head were rais'd a little up, My drowsy head, whose dim decaying lights Assure me it is almost time to sleep. [Raise her head. I thank your highness; I have now some ease. Be witness, I beseech your majesty, That I forgive the king with all my heart; With all the little of my living heart, That gives me leave to say I can forgive; And I beseech high heaven he long may live A happy king, a king belov'd and fear'd. Oxford, for God's sake, to my father write The latest commendations of his child; And say Matilda kept his honour's charge, Dying a spotless maiden undefil'd. Bid him be glad, for I am gone to joy, I, that did turn his weal to bitter woe. The king and he will quickly now grow friends, And by their friendship much content will grow. Sink, earth to earth; fade, flower ordain'd to fade, But pass forth, soul, unto the shrine of peace; Beg there atonement may be quickly made. Fair queen, kind Oxford, all good you attend. Fly forth, lay soul, heaven's King be there thy friend. [Dies.

OX. O pity-moving sight![361] age pitiless! Are these the messages King John doth send? Keep in, my tears, for shame! your conduits keep, Sad woe-beholding eyes: no, will ye not? Why, then, a God's name, weep. [Sit.

QUEEN. I cannot weep for ruth.[362] Here, here! take in The blessed body of this noble maid: In milk-white clothing let the same be laid Upon an open bier, that all may see King John's untimely lust and cruelty.

[Exeunt with the body.

OX. Ay, be it so; yourself, if so you please, Will I attend upon, and both us wait On chaste Matilda's body, which with speed To Windsor Castle we will hence convey. There is another spectacle of ruth, Old Bruce's famish'd lady and her son.

QUEEN. There is the king besieging of young Bruce: His lords are there who, when they see this sight, I know will have small heart for John to fight.

OX. But where's the murderer, ha? is not he stay'd?

SER.[363] Borne with a violent rage he climb'd a tree, And none of us could hinder his intent; But getting to the top-boughs, fast he tied His garters to his neck and a weak branch; Which being unable to sustain his weight, Down to the ground he fell, where bones and flesh Lie pash'd[364] together in a pool of blood.

OX. Alas for woe! but this is just heaven's doom On those that live by blood: in blood they die. Make[365] an example of it, honest friends: Do well, take pains, beware of cruelty. Come, madam, come: to Windsor let us go, And there to Bruce's grief add greater woe.

[Exeunt.



SCENE II.

Enter BRUCE upon the walls.

BRUCE. Will not my bitter bannings[366] and sad plaints, My just and execrable execrations, My tears, my prayers, my pity-moving moans Prevail, thou glorious bright lamp of the day, To cause thee keep an obit for their souls, And dwell one month with the Antipodes? Bright sun, retire; gild not this vault of death With thy illustrate rays: retire, retire, And yield black night thy empery awhile— A little while, till as my tears be spent, My blood be likewise shed in raining drops By the tempestuous rage of tyrant John. Learn of thy love, the morning: she hath wept Shower upon shower of silver-dewy tears; High trees, low plants, and pretty little flowers Witness her woe: on them her grief appears, And as she drips on them, they do not let, By drop and drop, their mother earth to wet. See these hard stones, how fast small rivulets Issue from them, though they seem issueless, And wet-eyed woe on everything is view'd, Save in thy face, that smil'st at my distress. O, do not drink these tears thus greedily, Yet let the morning's mourning garment dwell Upon the sad earth. Wilt thou not, thou churl? Then surfeit with thy exhalations speedily; For all earth's venomous infecting worms Have belch'd their several poisons on the fields, Mixing their simples in thy compound draught. Well, Phoebus, well, drink on, I say, drink on; But when thou dost ungorge thee, grant me this, Thou pour thy poisons on the head of John.

Drum. Enter CHESTER, MOWBRAY, Soldiers, at one door:[367] LEICESTER, RICHMOND, at another: Soldiers.

BRUCE. How now, my lords! were ye last night so pleased With the beholding of that property[368] Which John and other murderers have wrought Upon my starved mother and her son, That you are come again? Shall I again Set open shop, show my dead ware, dear-bought Of a relentless merchant, that doth trade On the red sea, swoll'n mighty with the blood Of noble, virtuous, harmless innocents? Whose coal-black vessel is of ebony, Their shrouds and tackle (wrought and woven by wrong) Stretch'd with no other gale of wind but grief, Whose sighs with full blasts beateth on her shrouds; The master murder is, the pilot shame, The mariners, rape, theft and perjury; The burden, tyrannous oppression, Which hourly he in England doth unlade. Say, shall I open shop and show my wares?

LEI. No, good Lord Bruce, we have enough of that.

Drum. Enter KING, HUBERT, Soldiers.

KING. To Windsor welcome, Hubert. Soft, methinks Bruce and our lords are at a parley now?

BRUCE. Chester and Mowbray, you are John's sworn friends; Will you see more? speak, answer me, my lords. I am no niggard, you shall have your fill.

BOTH. We have too much, and surfeit with the woe.

BRUCE. Are you all full? there comes a ravening kite, That both at quick, at dead, at all will smite. He shall, he must; ay, and by'r Lady, may Command me to give over holiday, And set wide open what you would not see.

KING. Why stand ye, lords, and see this traitor perch'd Upon our castle's battlements so proud? Come down, young Bruce, set ope the castle-gates; Unto thy sov'reign let thy knee be bow'd, And mercy shall be given to thee and thine.

BRUCE. O miserable thing! Comes mercy from the mouth of John our king? Why then, belike, hell will be pitiful. I will not ope the gates—the gate I will; The gate where thy shame and my sorrow sits. See my dead mother and her famish'd son! [Opens a casement, showing the dead bodies within.] Open thy tyrant's eyes, for to the world I will lay open thy fell cruelties.

KING. We heard, indeed, thy mother and her son In prison died by wilful famishment.

BRUCE. Sin doubled upon sin! Slander'st thou the dead? Unwilling willingness it shall appear, By then I have produc'd, as I will do, The just presumptions 'gainst your unjust act.

KING. Assail the castle, lords! alarum, drums! And drown this screech-owl's cries with your deep sounds.

LEI. I tell thee, drummer, if thy drum thou smite, By heav'n, I'll send thy soul to hell's dark night. Hence with thy drum! God's passion, get thee hence! Begone, I say; move not my patience.

[Exit drum.

KING. Are you advised, Leicester, what you do?

LEI. I am advised; for, my sovereign, know, There's not a lord here will lift up his arm Against the person of yon noble youth, Till you have heard the circumstantial truth, By good presumptions, touching this foul deed. Therefore, go on, young Bruce; proceed, refel[369] The allegation that puts in this doubt, Whether thy mother, through her wilfulness, Famish'd herself and her sweet son, or no.

BRUCE. Unlikely supposition: nature first denies That any mother, when her youngling cries, If she have means, is so unnatural To let it faint and starve. But we will prove She had no means, except this moanful mean, This torture of herself. Come forth, come forth, Sir William Blunt, whom slander says I slew: Come, tell the king and lords what you know true.

Enter SIR WILLIAM BLUNT [on the walls.][370]

KING. Thou hast betray'd our castle.

BLUNT. No: God can tell, It was surpris'd by politic report, And affirmation that your grace was slain.

RICH. Go on, Sir William Blunt: Pass briefly to the lady's famishment.

BLUNT. About some ten days since there came one Brand, Bringing a signet from my lord the king, And this commission, signed with his hand, [Lords look, and read the thing. Commanding me, as the contents express, That I should presently deliver up The Lady Bruce and her young son to him.

MOW. What time o' day was this?

BLUNT. It was, Lord Mowbray, somewhat past eleven, For we were even then sitting down to dine.

LEI. But did ye dine?

BLUNT. The lady and her son did not. Brand would not stay.

BRUCE. No, Leicester, no; for here is no such sign Of any meat's digestion.

RICH. But, by the way, tell us, I pray you, Blunt, While she remain'd with you, was she distraught With grief, or any other passions violent?

BLUNT. She now and then would weep, and often pray For reconcilement 'twixt the king and lords.

CHES. How to her son did she affected stand?

BLUNT. Affection could not any more affect; Nor might a mother show more mother's love.

MOW. How to my lord the king?

BLUNT. O my Lord God! I never knew a subject love king more. She never would blin[371] telling, how his grace Sav'd her young son from soldiers and from fire; How fair he spake, gave her her son to keep: And then, poor lady, she would kiss her boy, Pray for the king so hearty earnestly, That in pure zeal she wept most bitterly.

KING. I weep for her, and do by heaven protest, I honour'd Bruce's wife, howe'er that slave Rudely effected what I rashly will'd. Yet when he came again, and I bethought What bitter penance I had put them to For my conceiv'd displeasure 'gainst old Bruce, I bad the villain post and bear them meat: Which he excus'd, protesting pity mov'd him To leave wine, bread, and other powder'd meat,[372] More than they twain could in a fortnight eat.

BLUNT. Indeed, this can I witness with the king, Which argues in that point his innocence: Brand did bear in a month's provision, But lock'd it, like a villain, far from them; And lock'd them in a place, where no man's ear Might hear their lamentable woful moans; For all the issue, both of vent and light, Came from a loover[373] at the tower's top, Till now Lord Bruce made open this wide gap.

BRUCE. Had I not reason, think you, to make wide The window, that should let so much woe forth? Where sits my mother, martyr'd by herself, Hoping to save her child from martyrdom? Where stands my brother, martyr'd by himself, Because he would not taste his mother's blood? For thus I gather this:—my mother's teeth and chin Are bloody with the savage cookery Which her soft heart, through pity of her son, Respectless made her practise on herself; And her right hand, with offering it the child, Is with her own pure blood stain'd and defil'd. My little brother's lips and chin alone Are tainted with the blood; but his even teeth, Like orient pearl or snow-white ivory, Have not one touch of blood, one little spot: Which is an argument the boy would not Once stir his lips to taste that bloody food Our cruel-gentle mother minister'd: But as it seem'd (for see his pretty palm Is bloody too) he cast it on the ground, For on this side the blessed relics lie, By famine's rage divided from this shrine. Sad woful mother in Jerusalem! Who, when thy son and thou didst faint for food, Buried his sweet flesh in thy hungry womb, How merciless wert thou, if we compare Thy fact and this! For my poor lady mother Did kill herself to save my dying brother; And thou, ungentle son of Miriam, Why didst thou beg life when thy mother lack'd? My little brother George did nobly act A more courageous part: he would not eat, Nor beg to live. It seem'd he did not cry: Few tears stand on his cheek, smooth is each eye; But when he saw my mother bent to die, He died with her. O childish valiancy—

KING. Good Bruce, have done. My heart cannot contain The grief it holds: my eyes must show'r down rain.

LEI. Which showers are even as good As rain in harvest, or a swelling flood When neighbouring meadows lack the mower's scythe.

A march for burial, with drum and fife. Enter OXFORD. MATILDA borne with nuns, one carrying a white pendant—these words written in gold: "Amoris Castitatis et Honoris Honos." The QUEEN following the bier, carrying a garland of flowers. Set it in the midst of the stage.

RICH. List, Leicester: hear'st thou not a mournful march?

LEI. Yes, Richmond, and it seemeth old De Vere.

OX. Lords, by your leave, is not our sovereign here?

KING. Yes, good old Aubrey.

OX. Ah, my gracious lord! That you so much your high state should neglect! Ah! God in heaven forgive this bloody deed! Young Bruce, young Bruce, I weep Thy mother and thy brother's wrong; Yet to afflict thee more, more grief I bring.

BRUCE. O honourable Aubery de Vere, Let sorrow in a sable suit appear: Do not misshape her garment like delight; If it be grief, why cloth'st thou her in white?

OX. I cannot tell thee yet: I must sit down. Attend, young Bruce, and listen to the queen; She'll not be tongue-tied: we shall have a stir Anon, I fear, would make a man half-sick.

QUEEN. Are you here, lecher? O intemperate king! Wilt thou not see me? Come, come, show your face, Your grace's graceless, king's unkingly face. What, mute? hands folded, eyes fix'd on the earth? Whose turn is next now to be murdered? The famish'd Bruces are on yonder side, On this, another I will name anon; One for whose head this garland I do bear, And this fair, milk-white, spotless pendant too. Look up, King John! see, yonder sits thy shame; Yonder it lies! what, must I tell her name? It is Matilda, poisoned by thee.

KING. Matilda! O that foul swift-footed slave, That kills, ere one have time to bid him save! Fair, gentle girl, ungently made away.

BRUCE. My banish'd uncle's daughter, art thou there? Then I defy all hope, and swear—

LEI. Stay, Bruce, and listen well what oath to swear. Louis the Dolphin, pitying our estate, Is by the Christian king his father sent With aid to help us, and is landed too. Lords, that will fly the den of cruelty, And fight to free yourselves from tyranny[374]— Bruce, keep that castle to the only use Of our elected king, Louis of France.

OX. God's passion! do not so: King John is here! Lords, whisper not with Leicester? Leicester, fie! Stir not again regardless mutiny. Speak to them, Hugh:[375] I know thou lov'st the king. Madam, go to them; nay do, for God's sake, do! Down with your stomach,[376] for if he go down, You must down too, and be no longer queen: Advise you; go, entreat them speedily. My sovereign, wherefore sit you sighing there? The lords are all about to follow Louis: Up and entreat them, else they will away.

KING. Good Oxford, let them go. Why should they stay?

OX. What, are ye desperate? That must not be. Hear me, my lords.

[All stand in council.

KING. This pendant let me see. Amoris Castitatis et Honoris Honos. She was, indeed, of love the honour once,[377] When she was lov'd of virtuous Huntington: Of chastity the honour all her life; To impure thoughts she never could be won: And she of honour was the honour too. By birth and life[378] she honour honoured. Bring in two tapers lighted: quick, despatch!

LEI. Remember, Bruce, thy charge. Come, lords, away!

ALL but OXFORD and HUBERT. Away! we will away.

[Bring in two white tapers.

OX. Hark, Leicester, but one word: a little stay. Help me, good Hubert! help me, gentle queen!

[Again confer.[379]

KING. How dim these tapers burn! they give no light. Here were two beauteous lamps, that could have taught The sun to shine by day, the moon by night; But they are dim, too, clean extinguished. Away with these, sith those fair lights be dead!

OX. And, as I say—hark, Bruce, unto our talk— Think you it is for love of England Louis comes? Nay. France is not so kind; I would it were. Advise yourselves. Hark, dost thou hear me, Bruce?

BRUCE. Oxford, I do.

OX. Can noble English hearts bear the French yoke? No, Leicester: Richmond, think on Louis' sire, That left you and your king in Palestine.

QUEEN. And think, beside, you know not Louis's nature, Who may be as bad as John, or, rather, worse Than he.

HUB. And look, my lords, upon his silent woe; His soul is at the door of death, I know. See how he seeks to suck, if he could draw Poison from dead Matilda's ashy lips. I will be sworn his very heart-string nips. A vengeance on that slave, that cursed Brand! I'll kill him, if I live, with this right hand.

OX. Thou canst not, Hubert; he hath kill'd himself— But to our matter. Leicester, pray thee speak. Young Bruce, for God's sake, let us know thy mind.

BRUCE. I would be loth to be a stranger's slave: For England's love, I would no French king have.

LEI. Well, Oxford, if I be deceiv'd in John again, It's 'long of you, Lord Hubert, and the queen. Yield up the castle, Bruce: we'll once more try King John's proceedings. Oxford, tell him so.

[OXFORD goes to the KING, does his duty, and talks with him.

BRUCE. I will come down. But first farewell, dear mother, [Kiss her. Farewell, poor little George, my pretty brother! Now will I shut my shambles in again: Farewell, farewell! [Closes the casement. In everlasting bliss your sweet souls dwell.

Ox. But you must mend, i' faith; in faith you must[380].

LEI. My lord, once more your subjects do submit, Beseeching you to think how things have pass'd; And let some comfort shine on us, your friends, Through the bright splendour of your virtuous life.

KING. I thank you all; and, Leicester, I protest, I will be better than I yet have been.

BRUCE. Of Windsor Castle here the keys I yield.

KING. Thanks, Bruce: forgive me, and I pray thee see Thy mother and thy brother buried [BRUCE offers to kiss MATILDA. In Windsor Castle church. Do, kiss her cheek: Weep thou on that, on this side I will weep.

QUEEN. Chaste virgin, thus I crown thee with these flowers.

KING. Let us go on to Dunmow with this maid: Among the hallow'd nuns let her be laid. Unto her tomb a monthly pilgrimage Doth King John vow, in penance for this wrong.

Go forward, maids; on with Matilda's hearse, And on her tomb see you engrave this verse.

"Within this marble monument doth lie Matilda, martyr'd for her chastity."

[Exeunt.



EPILOGUS.

Thus is Matilda's story shown in act, And rough-hewn out by an uncunning hand: Being of the most material points compact, That with the certain'st state of truth do stand.

FINIS.



CONTENTION BETWEEN LIBERALITY AND PRODIGALITY.



EDITION

A Pleasant Comedie, shewing the contention betweene Liberalitie and Prodigalitie. As it was playd before her Maiestie. London Printed by Simon Stafford for George Vincent, and are to be sold at the signs of the Hand in hand in Wood-street over against S. Michaels Church. 1602. 4to.

The copy of this play in the Garrick collection appears to be the only one known, and from that source it is now for the first time reprinted. Mr Collier (Hist Engl. Dram. Poetr., ii, 318) points out that there is internal evidence, from the allusion to the 43d year of Queen Elizabeth, that the production was performed before her Majesty in 1600; and it seems likely that it was a revival of a more ancient piece. The writer just quoted remarks that a play, called "Prodigality," was exhibited at Court in 1568 (ibid. note). Philips, author of the "Theatrum Poetarum," in assigning it to Greene, followed either some tradition of the time or his own whim; but he is not a trustworthy authority; and his article on Greene is assuredly as puerile and absurd a performance as could be imagined.

In the prologue, the writer refers to childish years, presumably his own, and perhaps the "Contention" was a youthful effort. Moreover, from the (not very appropriate) introduction of Latin terms here and there, it is allowable to suspect that the author was preparing to graduate in arts, if he had not done so.



THE PROLOGUE.

The proverb is, How many men, so many minds, Which maketh proof how hard a thing it is, Of sundry minds to please the sundry kinds. In which respect I have inferred this, That where men's minds appear so different, No play, no part, can all alike content.

The grave Divine calls for Divinity: The civil student for Philosophy: The courtier craves some rare sound history: The baser sort, for knacks of pleasantry. So every sort desireth specially, What thing may best content his fantasy.

But none of these our barren toy affords. To pulpits we refer Divinity: And matters of estate to Council boards. As for the quirks of sage Philosophy, Or points of squirriliting scurrility, The one we shun, for childish years too rare, Th'other unfit for such as present are.

But this we bring is but to serve the time, A poor device to pass the day withal: To loftier points of skill we dare not climb, Lest (perking over-high) with shame we fall. Such as doth best beseem such as we be, Such we present, and crave your courtesy.

That courtesy, that gentleness of yours, Which wonted is to pardon faults of ours: Which granted, we have all that we require: Your only favour, only our desire.

THE END OF THE PROLOGUE.



THE SPEAKERS.

THE PROLOGUE. VANITY, Fortune's chief servant. PRODIGALITY, suitor for Money. POSTILION, his servant. HOST. TENACITY, suitor for Money. DANDALINE, the hostess. TOM TOSS. DICK DICER. FORTUNE. MASTER MONEY, her son. VIRTUE. EQUITY. LIBERALITY, chief steward to Virtue. CAPTAIN WELL-DONE. COURTIER. LAME SOLDIER. CONSTABLES, with Hue and Cry. TIPSTAVES. SHERIFF. CLERK. CRIER. JUDGE. EPILOGUE.



THE CONTENTION BETWEEN LIBERALITY AND PRODIGALITY.



SCENE I.

Enter VANITY solus, all in feathers.

In words to make description of my name, My nature or conditions, were but vain; Sith this attire so plainly shows the same, As showed cannot be in words more plain. For lo, thus roundabout in feathers dight, Doth plainly figure mine inconstancy: As feathers, light of mind; of wit as light, Subjected still to mutability, And for to paint me forth more properly, Behold each feather decked gorgeously With colours strange in such variety, As plainly pictures perfect vanity. And so I am, to put you out of doubt, Even vanity wholly; within, without: In head, in heart: in all parts roundabout: But whence I come, and why I hither come, And upon whom I daily do attend, In brief, to show you in a little sum, My special meaning is, and so an end. I came from Fortune, my most sovereign dame, Amongst whose chiefest servants I am one: Fortune, that earthly goddess great of name, To whom all suits I do prefer alone. She, minding in this place forthwith t'appear, In her most gorgeous pomp and princely port, Sends me to see all things in presence here, Prepar'd and furnish'd in the bravest sort. Here will she mount this stately sumptuous throne, As she is wont to hear each man's desire: And whoso wins her favour by his moan, May have of her the thing he doth require. And yet another dame there is, her enemy, 'Twixt whom remains continual emulation: Virtue who, in respect of Fortune's sovereignty, Is held, God wot, of simple reputation; Yet hither comes (poor soul) in her degree, This other seat half-forced to supply: But 'twixt their state what difference will be, Yourselves shall judge and witness, when you see. Therefore I must go deck up handsomely, What best beseems Dame Fortune's dignity. [Exit.

SCENE II.

Enter PRODIGALITY, POSTILION, and HOST.

PROD. Postilion, stay, thou drugg'st on like an ass. Lo, here's an inn, which I cannot well pass: Here will we bait, and rest ourselves awhile.

POST. Why, sir, you have to go but six small mile; The way is fair, the moon shines very bright. Best now go on, and then rest for all night.

PROD. Tush, Postil, fair or foul, or far or near, My weary bones must needs be rested here.

POST. 'Tis but a paltry inn, there's no good cheer; Yet shall you pay for all things passing dear.

PROD. I care not for all that: I love mine ease.

POST. Well, sir, a God's name, then do what you please.

PROD. Knock, then, at the gate.

POST. Ho, who's at home? hostler, chamberlain, tapster? Ho! take in gentlemen. Knave, slave, host, hostess, ho! [Rip, rap, rip, rap. What, is there none that answers? Tout a la mort? Sir, you must make entrance at some other port: For here's no passage.

PROD. No? let me come; I'll knock a little harder. Here must I in; for sure I will no farder. [Rip, rap, rap, rap. Ho! who dwells here? [Rip, rap, rap]. I'll call on the women another while. Ho! butter-wench, dairy-maid, nurse, laundress, cook, host, hostess, anybody, ho!

HOST. Who's there?

PROD. Up, sir, with a horse night-cap! what, are ye all in a drunken dream! can ye not hear?

POST. Not a word more! he is fast asleep again, I fear. What, ho?

HOST. How now?

PROD. How now? now the devil take thee! Can calling, nor knocking, nor nothing, awake thee?

HOST. Now, sir, what lack ye?

PROD. Lodging.

HOST. What are you?

PROD. Gentlemen. Seest thou not?

HOST. Whence come ye?

PROD. What skills that? open the gate.

HOST. Nay, soft a while, I am not wont so late To take in guests. I like ye not: away.

PROD. Nay, stay awhile, mine host; I pray thee, stay, Open the gate, I pray thee heartily, And what we take we will pay thee royally.

HOST. And would ye have lodging then?

PROD. Yea, rather than my life.

HOST. Then stay a while; I'll first go ask my wife.

PROD. Nay, nay, send her rather to me: If she be a pretty wench, we shall soon agree.

POST. Now a bots[381] on him and his wife both for me! [Aside.

HOST. Then you would have lodgings belike, sir?

PROD. Yea, I pray thee come quickly.

HOST. What's your name, and please you?

PROD. Prodigality.

HOST. And will you indeed spend lustily?

PROD. Yea, that I will.

HOST. And take that ye find patiently?

PROD. What else?

HOST. And pay what I ask willingly?

PROD. Yea, all reckonings unreasonably.

HOST. Well, go too; for this once I am content to receive ye: come on, sir, I daresay you are almost weary.

PROP. Thou may'st swear it.

[Exeunt.



SCENE III.

Enter VIRTUE and EQUITY.

VIR. O most unhappy state of reckless humane kind! O dangerous race of man, unwitty, fond and blind! O wretched worldlings, subject to all misery, When fortune is the prop of your prosperity! Can you so soon forget, that you have learn'd of yore The grave divine precepts, the sacred wholesome lore, That wise philosophers with painful industry Have[382] written and pronounc'd for man's felicity? Whilome [it] hath been taught, that Fortune's hold is tickle; She bears a double face, disguised, false and fickle, Full fraughted with all sleights, she playeth on the pack; On whom she smileth most, she turneth most to wrack. The time hath been, when Virtue had[383] the sovereignty Of greatest price, and plac'd in chiefest dignity; But topsy-turvy now the world is turn'd about: Proud Fortune is preferr'd, poor Virtue clean thrust out. Man's sense so dulled is, so all things come to pass, Above the massy gold t'esteem the brittle glass.

EQ. Madam, have patience, Dame Virtue must sustain, Until the heavenly powers do otherwise ordain.

VIR. Equity, for my part, I envy not her state, Nor yet mislike the meanness of my simple rate. But what the heavens assign, that do I still think best: My fame was never yet by Fortune's frown opprest: Here, therefore, will I rest in this my homely bower, With patience to abide the storms of every shower.

[Exeunt.



SCENE IV.

Enter TENACITY and VANITY [severally, and not seeing each other at first.[384]]

TEN. By Gog's bores, these old stumps are stark tired. Chave here roundabout for life conquired, Where any posting nags were to be hired, And can get none, would they were all vired![385] Cham come too late for Money, I hold a penny, Suitors to Fortune there are so many; And all for Money, chill gage a round sum: Money is gone, before Tenacity come. Then am I dress'd even to my utter shame: A fool return'd, like as a fool I came. Cham sure chave come vorty miles and twenty, With all these bags you see and wallets empty: But when chave sued to Vortune vine and dainty, Ich hope to vill them up with money plenty: But here is one, of whom ich will conquire, Whilk way che might attain to my desire. God speed, my zon.

VAN. What, father Crust, whither post you so fast?

TEN. Nay, bur lady, zon, ich can make no haste, Vor che may say to thee, cham tired clean.

VAN. More shame for you, to keep your ass so lean! But whither go you now?

TEN. To a goodly lady, whom they call her Vortune.

VAN. And wherefore?

TEN. For money, zon, but ich vear che come too late.

VAN. Indeed, it seemeth by thy beggar's state, Thou hast need of money; but let me hear, How or by whom think'st thou to get this gear?

TEN. Chill speak her vair, chill make low cursy.

VAN. That's somewhat; but how wilt thou come at her?

TEN. Bur lady, zon, zest true; there lies the matter: Chill make some friend.

VAN. Whom?

TEN. Some man of hers, that near her doth attend.

VAN. Who is that?

TEN. Ich know not; chud that[386] inqueer of thee: And therefore, if thou knowest, tell it me.

VAN. What, in such haste, forsooth, so suddenly: And so good cheap, without reward or fee?

TEN. Poor men, dear zon, must crave of courtesy: Get I once money, thou shalt rewarded be.

VAN. Go to, then, I'll tell thee: his name is Vanity.

TEN. And where is a?

VAN. No more ado: ask but for Vanity. Reward him well, he'll help thee to money.

TEN. But where?

VAN. Why, here in this place: this is Lady Fortune's palace.

TEN. Is this? Ah, goodly Lord, how gay it is! Now hope I sure of money not to miss. So law, my zon, ich will go rest myself a while, And come again. [Exit.

VAN. Do so. Now sure this coistrel makes me smile, To see his greedy gaping thus for gain, First hardly got, then kept with harder pain, As you ere long by proof shall see full plain.

TEN. This is mine old inn; here chill knock. Holla, ho!

HOST. What roister have we there, that rappeth so?

POST. How now, sirrah, what lack you?

TEN. Lodging.

POST. Lodging? there is none: all is full.

TEN. How so?

POST. Ta'en up by gentlemen long ago.

TEN. Let me yet have some room for mine ass.

POST. Asinus super asinum, volitate ad furtas!

HOST. Who is that thou pratest therewithal?

POST. Look forth and see: a lubber, fat, great and tall, Upon a tired ass, bare, short and small.

HOST. Ho, ho! 'tis Tenacity, my old acquaintance. And to my wife of near alliance. Father Tenacity!

TEN. Mine host, God speed! How do you? Take in, ostler.

OSTLER. Anon, sir.

HOST. Chamberlain, wait upon my kindred here.

CHAM. I will, sir.



SCENE V.

Enter MONEY and VANITY.

The Song.

MON. As light as a fly, In pleasant jollity: With mirth and melody, Sing Money, Money, Money! Money the minion, the spring of all joy; Money, the medicine that heals each annoy; Money, the jewel that man keeps in store; Money, the idol that women adore! That Money am I, the fountain of bliss, Whereof whoso tasteth, doth never amiss. Money, money, money! Sing Money, Money, Money!

VAN. What, Money, sing you so lustily?

MON. I have none other cause: who would not sing merrily, Being, as I am, in such felicity: The God of this world, so mighty of power, As makes men, and mars men, and all in an hour? Yea, where I am, is all prosperity, And where I want, is nought but misery.

VAN. Money saith reason; for so doth it fare, Money makes masteries, old proverbs declare. But, Money, of Fortune, our sovereign dame, What news?

MONEY. Marry, sir, of purpose I hither came, To let thee know she will forthwith be here: And lo! already, see, she doth appear.

VAN. 'Tis true; now must I show my diligence. Down, ladies, stoop: do your reverence.



SCENE VI.

_Enter_ FORTUNE, _in her chariot drawn with Kings.

The Song.

Reverence, do reverence; fair dames, do reverence Unto this goddess great, do humble reverence: Do humble reverence.

Fortune, of-worldly state the governess: Fortune, of man's delight the mistress: Fortune, of earthly bliss the patroness: Fortune, the spring of joy and happiness. Lo, this is she, with twinkling of her eye, That misers[387] can advance to dignity, And princes turn to misers' misery. Reverence, due reverence_.

FOR. Report hath spread, that Virtue here in place Arrived is, her silly court to hold; And therefore I am come with faster pace, T'encounter her, whose countenance is so bold. I doubt not but by this my pompous shew, By vestures wrought with gold so gorgeously: By reverence done to me of high and low: By all these ornaments of bravery, By this my train, that now attends me so: By kings, that hale my chariot to and fro, Fortune is known the queen of all renown: That makes, that mars; sets up and throws adown. Well is it known, what contrary effects 'Twixt Fortune and dame Virtue hath been wrought: How still I her contemn, she me rejects; I her despise, she setteth me at nought: So, as great wars are grown for sovereignty, And strife as great 'twixt us for victory. Now is the time of trial to be had, The place appointed eke in presence here. So as the truth to all sorts, good and bad, More clear than light shall presently appear. It shall be seen, what Fortune's power can do, When Virtue shall be forc'd to yield thereto. It shall be seen, when Virtue cannot bide, But shrink for shame, her silly face to hide. Then Fortune shall advance herself before, All harms to help, all losses to restore. But why do I myself thus long restrain From executing this I do intend? Time posts away, and words they be but vain; For deeds (indeed) our quarrel now must end. Therefore in place I will no longer stay But to my stately throne myself convey.

Reverence, due reverence, &c.



ACT II, SCENE I.

Enter LIBERALITY.

How seldom is it seen, that Virtue is regarded, Or men of virtuous sort for virtuous deeds rewarded! So wonts the world to pamper those that nought deserve, Whiles such as merit best, without relief do starve. Great imperfections are in some of greatest skill, That colours can discern [not], white from black, good from ill. O blind affects of men, how are you led awry, To leave assured good, to like frail Vanity! If some of Virtue's train, for prince and country's good, To show their faithful hearts, shall hazard life and blood, And guerdonless depart, without their due reward, Small is th'encouragement, the example very hard. Where any well deserve, and are rewarded well, Where prince and people both in safety sure do dwell, Where he that truly serves, hath nothing for his pain, More hearts are lost, than pecks of gold can ransom home again. Let states therefore, that wish to maintain stately dignity, Seek to acquaint themselves with Liberality; For that is it which wins the subjects' faithful love, Which faithful love all harms from them and theirs remove. Liberality am I, Virtue's steward here, Who for the virtuous sort do nothing hold too dear. But few to Virtue seek: all sorts to Fortune fly, There seeking to maintain their chief prosperity. But whoso marks the end, shall be enforc'd to say: O Fortune, thou art blind! let Virtue lead the way. But who comes here? It seemeth, old Tenacity. I must away; for contraries cannot agree. [Exit.



SCENE II.

Enter TENACITY.

TEN. Well, since che see there is none other boot, Chill now take pains to go the rest afoot; For Brock mine ass is saddle-pinch'd vull sore, And so am I even here—chill say no more. But yet I must my business well apply, For which ich came, that is, to get money. Chwas told that this is Lady Vortune's place: Chill go boldly to her, that's a vlat case; Vor, if che speed not now at this first glance, Cham zure to be dash'd quite out of countenance By certain lusty gallon lads hereby, Seeking Vortune's favour as well as I. O, knew I where to find Mast. Fanity, Vortune's servant! Of mine honesty, Look where he comes in time as fine and trim, As if che held him all this while by the chin.



SCENE III.

VANITY and TENACITY.

VAN. 'Tis he indeed: what say you to him?

TEN. Marry, sir, cham now come for money.

VAN. For money, man? what, still so hastily?

TEN. Yea[388], by gis, sir, 'tis high time, che vore ye; Cham aveard another will ha' 't afore me.

VAN. Why so? who is it thou fearest? tell me.

TEN. Marry, sir, they call him Mast. Prodigality.

VAN. Prodigality, is it true? young, wasteful, roisting Prodigality, To encounter old, sparing, covetous, niggard Tenacity? Sure, such a match as needs must yield us sport: Therefore, until the time that Prodigality resort, I'll entertain this crust with some device— [aside. Well, father, to be sped of money with a trice, What will you give me?

TEN. Cha vore thee, son, do rid me quickly hence, Chill give thee a vair piece of three-halfpence.

VAN. Indeed?

TEN. Here's my hand.

VAN. Now, sir, in sooth you offer so bountifully, As needs you must be us'd accordingly. But tell me, know you him that cometh here?

TEN. Cock's bores, 'tis Prodigality; 'tis he I did fear. Cham afraid che may go whistle now for money.

VAN. Tush, man, be of good cheer, I warrant thee; He speedeth best, that best rewardeth me.



SCENE IV.

Enter PRODIGALITY, VANITY, TENACITY, HOST, FORTUNE, and MONEY.

HOST. Sir, now your reckoning is made even: I'll trust no more.

PROD. No?

HOST. No, sure.

PROD. Set cock-on-hoop then; by some means, good or bad, There is no remedy, but money must be had. By the body of an ox, behold here this ass, Will be my familiar, wheresoever I pass. Why, goodman Crust, tell me, is there no nay, But where I go, you must forestal my way?

TEN. By Gog's flesh and his flounders, sir, che hope the Queen's highway is free for euery man! for thee as me, for me as thee, for poor Tenacity as for proud Prodigality! chill go, in the Queen's peace, about my business.

PROD. This way?

TEN. Yea.

PROD. To whom?

TEN. To Vortune my mistress.

PROD. Wherefore?

TEN. That's no matter to you.

PROD. No matter, sir? but, by your crustship, ere you go, 'Tis a plain case, Prodigality will know: And therefore be round; come off, and tell me quickly.

TEN. And thou'dst so vain know, che go for money.

PROD. Out upon thee, villain, traitor, thief, pickpurse! Thou penurious knave, caterpillar, and what's worse? Hast thou heard me say, that for money I went, And couldst thou creep so closely my purpose to prevent? By the life I live, thou shalt die the death. Where shall I first begin? above or beneath? Say thy prayers, slave—

VAN. How now, my friends, what needs this variance? Money comes not by force, money comes by chance; And sith at one instant you both seek for money, Appeal both to Fortune, and then shall you try, Whether either or neither may hit to have money.

PROD. Gentleman, you say well: I know not your name; But indeed for that purpose to Fortune I came: For furtherance whereof if I might obtain Your friendly help, I would quit your pain.

TEN. I am your old acquaintance, sir, remember me.

VAN. Thee, quoth a? for thy large offers I may not forget thee. You be both my friends, and therefore indifferently I will commend you both to Fortune's courtesy. [To FOR.] Lady most bright, renowmed goddess fair, Unto thy stately throne here do repair Two suitors of two several qualities, And qualities, indeed, that be mere contraries. That one is called wasteful Prodigality: This[389] one cleped covetous Tenacity. Both at once unto your royal majesty Most humbly make their suits for money.

FOR. Let's hear what they can say.

PROD. Divine goddess, behold, with all humility For money I appeal unto thy deity; Which, in high honour of thy majesty, I mean to spend abroad most plentifully.

TEN. Sweet mistress, grant to poor Tenacity The keeping of this golden darling money: Chill vow to thee, so long as life shall dure, Under strong lock and key chill keep him vast and sure.

VAN. Nay, pleaseth then your pleasant fantasy To hear them plead in musical harmony?

FOR. It liketh me.

PROD. None better.

TEN. Well, though my singing be but homely, Chill sing and spring[390] too, ere chud loose money.

VAN. Well, to it, a God's name; let saying go than;[391] And each sing for himself the best he can.

The Song.

PROD. The princely heart, that freely spends, Relieves full many a thousand more, He getteth praise, he gaineth friends, And people's love procures therefore. But pinching fist, that spareth all, Of due relief the needy robs: Nought can be caught, where nought doth fall, There comes no good of greedy cobs. This issue therefore do I make: The best deserver draw the stake.

TEN. Whilst thou dost spend with friend and foe, At home che hold the plough by th' tail: Che dig, che delve, che zet, che zow, Che mow, che reap, che ply my flail. A pair of dice is thy delight, Thou liv'st for most part by the spoil: I truly labour day and night To get my living by my toil. Chill therefore sure this issue make: The best deserver draw the stake_.

VAN. Hallo! satis disputatum.

TEN. Nay, by my father's soul, friend, now chave once begun, Let him to't, che pass not when che done.

PROD. Lo, Lady, you have heard our reasons both express'd, And thereby are resolv'd, I hope, who merits best.

FOR. Dame Fortune dealeth not by merit, but by chance: He hath it but by hap, whom Fortune doth advance; And of his hap as he hath small assurance: So in his hap likewise is small continuance. Therefore at a venture, my dear son Money, I do commit you unto Prodigality.

TEN. To Prodigality? Ah, poor Money, I pity thee; Continual unrest must be thy destiny: Each day, each hour, yea, every minute tost, Like to a tennis-ball, from pillar to post.

MONEY. I am, where I like.

TEN. [To VAN.] And is there, then, no other remedy? Must poor Tenacity put up the injury?

VAN. Your time is not yet come.

TEN. When will it come, trow ye?

VAN. At the next turning water, happily.

TEN. And che wist that, chud the more quietly depart, And keep therewhile a hungry hoping heart. How sayest thou, vriend Fanity?

VAN. No doubt, but 'tis best.

TEN. Then varewell to all at once. [Exit.

PROD. Good night and good rest. And now will I likewise with my sweet Money Go hunt abroad for some good company. Vanity, for thy pains I will not grease thy fist Peltingly[392] with two or three crowns; but, when thou list, Come boldly unto Prodigality's chest, And take what thou wilt; it's ever open.

VAN. I thank you, sir; 'tis honourably spoken.

PROD. Yet, ere I go, with song of joyfulness Let me to Fortune show my thankfulness.

_The Song.

Verse to_ FORTUNE.

_Thou that dost guide the world by thy direction, Thou that dost conquer states to thy subjection, Thou that dost keep each king in thy correction, Thou that preservest all in thy protection, For all thy gifts unto thy majesty I yield both thanks and praise immortally: To mighty Fortune, &c.

Verse to_ MONEY.

_Sweet Money, the minion that sails with all winds, Sweet Money, the minstrel that makes merry all minds, Sweet Money, that gables of bondage unbinds, Sweet Money, that maintains all sports of all kinds, This is that sweet Money, that rules like a king, And makes me all praises of Money to sing

[Exeunt_.



ACT III., SCENE I.

Enter DANDALINE, the hostess.

DAN. Now, i'faith, ye little peevish harlotry,[393] I'll one day make you spit your meat more handsomely. By my truth, truly had I not come in the rather, She had laid me to the fire the loin of veal and capon both together, Not weighing (like an unwitty girlish mother), That the one would ask more roasting than the other; So that either the veal had been left stark raw, Or else the capon burnt, and so not worth a straw. And that had been pity: for I assure you at a word, A better bird, a fairer bird, a finer bird: A sweeter bird, a younger bird, a tenderer bird: A daintier bird, a crisper bird, a more delicate bird: Was there never set upon any gentleman's board. But I lack my guests, that should pay for this gear: And sure my mind gives me, I should find them here, Two of mine acquaintance, familiar grown, The third to me yet a gentleman unknown, More than by hearsay, that he is fresh and lusty, Full of money, and by name Prodigality. Now, sir, to link him sure to his hostess Dandaline, Dandaline must provide to have all things very fine. And therefore already it is definitum, The gentleman shall want nothing may please his appetitum. And because most meats unsauced are motives to drouth, He shall have a lemon to moisten his mouth, A lemon I mean; no lemon I trow; Take heed, my fair maids, you take me not so. For though I go not as grave as my grandmother, Yet I have honesty as well as another. But hush, now shall I hear some news.

[Manet.



SCENE II.

Enter TOM TOSS, DICK DICER.[394]

DICER. Fellow Tomkin, I think this world is made of flint; There's neither money, nor wares worth money, in't.

TOSS. Hold thy peace, Dick, it cannot still keep at this stint: We are now lighted upon such a mint, As (follow it well) I dare warrant thee, Thy turn shall be served in every degree.

DAND. Dick boy, mine own boy, how dost thou? what cheer?

DICER. What, Dandeline, mine hostess, what make you here?

DAND. I came of purpose to inquire for thee.

DICER. And I came of purpose to seek Prodigality.

DAND. What, he you told me of? indeed, is it he?

DICER. Ay, of my fidelity.

DAND. A good boy, of mine honesty. But when come ye?

DICER. As soon as I can find him.

DAND. Seek him, good Dick, and find him speedily: For this, I assure ye, your supper is ready.

DICER. Go home before, make all things very fine.

DAND. I will. Farewell.

DICER. Farewell.

DAND. Farewell to Tomkin, too?

TOSS. Farewell, sweet Dandaline.

DAND. But, hear ye? bring him.

DICER. Who?

DAND. Tush, a God's name, you know who! I mean the gentleman.

DICER. Go to, go to. [DANDALINE exit. Tom, now to the purpose where first we began.

TOSS. Cast care away, Dick; I'll make thee a man.

DICER. A gospel in thy mouth, Tom, for it never went worse. Master Money hath left me never a penny in my purse.

TOSS. 'Twill be better, Dick, shalt see, very shortly.

DICER. I pray thee, tell me is this brave Prodigality, So full of money as he is said to be?

TOSS. Full, quotha? he is too full, I promise thee.

DICER. And will he lash it out so lustily?

TOSS. Exceedingly, unreasonably, unmeasureably.

DICER. Then may such mates as we, that be so bare, Hope some way or other to catch a share.

TOM. Assure thyself that; but whist, he cometh here: Let's entertain him with familiar cheer.

DICER. In order, then, bravely.

[Retire.



SCENE III.

Enter PRODIGALITY, with MONEY.

PROD. How is't, my sweet Money, shall we be lusty now?

MON. Be as lusty as you will. I'll be as lusty as you.

PROD. Who lacks money, ho! who lacks money? But ask and have: money, money, money!

DICER. Sir, here be they that care not for your money, So much as for your merry company.

PROD. And company is it I seek assuredly.

TOSS. Then here be companions to fit your fantasy, And at all assays to answer your desire: To go, to run, to stay, to do, as you require.

PROD. What can I wish more? well then, I pray, What sports, what pastimes, shall we first assay?

TOSS. Marry, first, sir, we both pray you heartily, To take a poor supper with us here hard by, Where we will determine by common consent, What pastimes are fittest for us to frequent.

PROD. I grant.

DICER. Then, if you please, with some sweet roisting harmony Let us begin the utas[395] of our jollity.

PROD. Thou hitt'st my hand pat. Money, what say'st thou?

MON. I say that I like it: go to it, I pray you.

PROD. Shall I begin?

MON. Yea.

PROD. Then surely shall it be, To thee, for thee, and in honour of thee.

_The Song.

Sweet Money, the minion that sails with all winds, Sweet Money, the minstrel, that makes merry minds. Flitozolaknops_[396]

[Exeunt.



SCENE IV.

Enter LIBERALITY.

LIB. The more a man with virtuous dealing doth himself inure, The less with worldly business he is molested sure; Which maketh proof that, as turmoils still toss the worldly mind: So minds exempt from worldly toil desired quiet find. And chiefly, where the life is led in virtuous exercise, There is no toil, but ease and contentation to the wise. But what account, how slight regard, is had of virtue here, By actions on this worldly stage most plainly doth appear. Men see without most just desert of virtue nought is got, To Fortune therefore fly they still, that giveth all by lot; And finding Fortune's gifts so pleasant, sweet, and savoury, They build thereon, as if they should endure perpetually. But this is sure, and that most sure, that Fortune is unsure, Herself most frail, her gifts as frail, subject to every shower: And in the end, who buildeth most upon her surety, Shall find himself cast headlong down to depth of misery. Then having felt the crafty sleights of Fortune's fickle train, Is forc'd to seek by virtue's aid to be relieved again. This is the end; run how he list, this man of force must do, Unless his life be clean cut off, this man must come unto: In time, therefore, man might do well to care for his estate, Lest, letted by extremity, repentance come too late.



SCENE V.

Enter to LIBERALITY CAPTAIN WELL-DONE.

CAP. W. Sir, I beseech you, speak a good word for me to the prince, That by her letters I may be commended to some province, Where service is to be had, either there to die with fame, Or else to get me somewhat, whereon to live without shame; For beg I cannot, and steal I may not, the truth is so; But need doth make, the proverb say'th, th'old wife to trot for woe. Yet whom stark need doth pinch, at length the devil drives to go: Therefore, I beseech you, pity his extremity, That would not make this suit without necessity.

LIB. Who be you, my friend?

CAP. W. By birth a gentleman, by profession a soldier, Who, though I say it, in all our sovereign's war, With hazard of my blood and life have gone as far, As haply some others, whose fortunes have been better: But I in service yet could never be a getter, Ne can I impute it but to mine own destiny: For well I know the prince is full of liberality.

LIB. What is your name, sir?

CAP. W. My name is Well-done.

LIB. Are you Captain Well-done?

CAP. W. Though unworthy, sir, I bear that name.

LIB. Give me your hand, Captain Well-done, for your fame In feats of arms and service of your country I have heard oft; you have deserved greatly; Therefore think this that, as you merit much, So the consideration thereof shall be such, As duly doth pertain to your desert. Trust me, the prince herself, unmoved of my part, Your dutiful service hath specially regarded, And expressly commands that it be well rewarded Wherefore you shall not need to seek service abroad: I exhort you at home still to make your abode: That if in this realm occasions of wars be offered, You and others your like may be employed.

CAP. W. My duty binds me to obey.

LIB. Then for this time you shall not need to stay. As for your cause, I will remember it, And see it holpen too, as shall be fit.

[Exit WELL-DONE.

LIB. Truly, if I should not have care of this man's necessity, I should both swerve from virtue and from honesty.



SCENE VI.

Enter to LIBERALITY a COURTIER.

COUR. Sir, I humbly beseech you help to prefer my suit.

LIB. What is it?

COUR. There is an office fall'n, which I would gladly execute.

LIB. Who be you?

COUR. A servant here in court.

LIB. Do you serve the prince?

COUR. No, and please you.

LIB. Whom then?

COUR. A nobleman near about her majesty.

LIB. In what degree?

COUR. Forsooth, sir, as his secretary.

LIB. How long have you served?

COUR. A year or twain.

LIB. And would you so soon be preferred? In sooth, my friend, I would be glad, as I may, To do you any good: but this I say: Who seeks by virtue preferment to attain, In virtuous proceeding must take more pain, Than can be well taken in a year or twain. For time gives experience of every man's deeds, And each man by merit accordingly speeds. Go forward, my friend, in virtue with diligence, And time, for your service, shall yield you recompence. Your lord and master is very honourable, And him in your suits you shall find favourable: And as for my part, as erst I did say, I never will hinder, where further I may. Let this for this time be your answer.

COUR. Sir, with my boldness, I beseech you to bear.

LIB. God be with you. [Exit COURTIER. Some men deserve, and yet do want their due; Some men, again, on small deserts do sue, It therefore standeth princes' officers in hand, The state of every man rightly to understand, That so by balance of equality Each man may have his hire[397] accordingly. Well, since dame Virtue unto me doth charge of many things refer, I must go do that best beseems a faithful officer.

[Exit.



ACT IV., SCENE I.

Enter MONEY.

MON. Liberty, liberty! now I cry liberty! Catch me again, when you can, Prodigality! Never was there poor soul so cruelly handled. I was at the first, like a cockney[398] dandled, Strok'd on the head, kiss'd and well cherished, And so thought surely I should have continued: But now, how my case is altered suddenly! You would not believe, unless you saw it apparently. I'faith, since ye saw me, I have been turmoiled From post to pillar: see how I am spoiled. The villains among them provided the roast; But Money was forced to pay for the cost Both of their feasting and of their chamber cheer. Yea, in every place they have fleec'd me so near: He a fleece, and she a fleece, that nothing could I keep, But glad to run away like a new-shorn sheep. And though I have been pinched very near, I am glad to see you in good health, every one here: And now I have escaped the traitorous treachery Of such a thriftless, roisting company, To my mother in haste again I will get me, And keep at home safely: from thence let them fet me. [Exit.



SCENE II.

Enter VANITY and MONEY.

VAN. What, Master Money, how goeth the world with you?

MON. Look but upon me, thou may'st quickly judge how.

VAN. Why, where the vengeance, where the devil hast thou been? Among brambles or briars? or spirits, sure, I ween.

MON. Both ween it and wot it! I have pass'd a wilderness Of most mischievous and miserable distress; Sharp brambles, sharp briars, and terrible scratchers, Bears, wolves, apes, lions, most ravening snatchers, Thorns, thistles, and nettles, most horrible stingers, Ravens, gripes and griphons. O vengeable wringers, Yea through my whole passage such damnable sights, As I cannot but judge them most damnable sprites.

VAN. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

MON. Laugh ye, my friend? It is no laughing toy.

VAN. But who did guide you in this labyrinth of joy?

MON. Who, sir? your minion, sir; Prodigality, The captain elected of all roisting knavery; He will be hang'd, I warrant him, shortly.

VAN. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

MON. Yet go to, laugh on!

VAN. Are you not a cuck—cuck-cold?

MON. I may be indeed; my clothes be but thin, And therefore I will even go get me in, That Fortune, my mother, may clothe me anew. [Exit.

VAN. Do so, you had need so, I may say to you. Now, sure, it is a world of worlds to see, How all the world inclines to Vanity; Men seek at first—that is but Vanity, And lose at last—that was but Vanity, And yet continue still to follow Vanity, As though it were a thing of certainty. And I, that bear the name of Vanity, And see the world's exceeding Vanity, In following so the tracks of Vanity, Do triumph still amid my empery, And laugh at their simplicity, That will be so misled by Vanity. But who is this? O, I know him, a scholar of our train, 'Tis Hob-a-Clunch, that comes for money again.



SCENE III.

Enter to VANITY, TENACITY, FORTUNE, and MONEY.

TEN. God speed, Master Fanity.

VAN. Wocum,[399] Master Tenacity.

TEN. Sur, cham come once again vor money.

VAN. So me thinks.

TEN. Shall be sped now at length, trow ye?

VAN. I cannot tell ye, 'tis hard to say; Peradventure yea, peradventure nay.

TEN. How so, man?

VAN. I fear me you will spend him too fast away.

TEN. Ho, ho, ho, ho! dost thou vear that, friend Fanity? Shalt not need, man, chill keep him safe, che warrant thee. O, that chad him in my clutches, shouldst see, I trow, Whether chud keep him vast and safe, or no. I pray thee, good sweet Master Fanity, Speak one good word for poor Tenacity.

VAN. And dost thou indeed so well love money?

TEN. Do my wife's bees at home, think'st thou, love honey?

VAN. What wouldst thou do with it?

TEN. [Hesitating.] Chud, chud, chud, chud—

VAN. Chud, chud! what chud?

TEN. Chud—do no harm at all.

VAN. No, nor much good, I think, to great nor small. But well, put case, I procure thee to speed, You will remember your promise that I shall be fee'd.

TEN. God's vast, man, yea, chill do it, chill do it.

VAN. Stand there a while, and wait. [To FORTUNE.] Bright goddess, behold here again Tenacity, That humbly makes his suit to have money.

MON. For Money? ho, there! Money finds himself well: Money now hath no liking from Fortune to dwell.

VAN. In vanum laboraverunt, come.

TEN. Now, good soot', honey, vair golden mustress, Let poor Tenacity taste of thy goodness: Thee che honour, thee che serve, thee che reverence, And in thy help che put my whole confidence.

FOR. Money, you must go to him, there is no remedy.

MON. Yea, and be us'd as before with Prodigality!

TEN. Let Prodigality go to the gallows-tree! Why, man, he and I are clean contrary. I chill coll thee, chill cuss thee.

MON, So did he.

TEN. Chill save thee, chill spare thee, chill keep thee from wasting.

MON. So did not he. Go to then, seeing that my mother's will is such, To put it in adventure I may not grutch.

TEN. O my sweeting, my darling, my chewel, my joy, My pleasure, my treasure, mine own pretty boy.

MON. How now? what mean you by this, Tenacity.

TEN. O, forbid me not to kiss my sweet Money. Varewell, Vortune; and, Vortune, che thank thee alway. Come on, surrah, chill make you vast, bum vay.

MON. What, with ropes? what needs that?

TEN. Vor vear of robbing by the highway. La, mi, fa, sol, fa; sol, mi, fa, re, mi.

[Exit TENACITY, and goeth to the inn for his ass.



SCENE IV.

Enter PRODIGALITY, DICK DICER, VANITY, and [to them afterwards] TOM TOSS.

PROD. O monstrous, vile, filthy luck! see, in the twinkling of an eye, Scarce knowing which way, I have quite lost my Money.

DICK. Out of all doubt, Prodigality, he is not gone yonder way.

PROD. Then seek some other course, make here no stay. He must be found out, there is no remedy. Thou know'st in what pickle we stand without Money.

DICK. Why, sure, Prodigality, it can be no other, But he is returned to Fortune his mother.

PROD. Thinkest thou so? Thou, Fortune, hearest thou? by fair means, I advise thee, Restore my Money to me again: deal plainly and wisely; Or by this sharp-edged sword, shalt see me play a proud part, For I will have him again, in spite of thy heart.

VAN. Whom have we there, that keepeth such a coil.

PROD. Even he that will not put up such a foil.

VAN. What's the matter?

PROD. Vanity, to that dame thy mistress commend me, Tell her—tell her, it doth not a little offend me, To have my money in such great despite, Taken so from me without any right. What though it were once her own proper gift? Yet given, 'tis mine own, there is no other shift. Therefore charge her, in the name of Prodigality, That he be restor'd to me incontinently, Lest she repent it—

VAN. These be sore and cruel threat'nings, marry. Is your haste so great, that by no means you may tarry?

PROD. I will not tarry, and therefore make haste.

VAN. Soft, sir, a little, there is no time pass'd. You may tarry, you must tarry, for aught as I know: Nay, then you shall tarry, whether you will or no. [Exit.

DICER. 'Zwounds, sir, he mocks you.

PROD. Gibe not with me, you whoreson rascal slave! For money I come, and money will I have. Sirrah Vanity, Vanity! What, Vanity! Speak and be hang'd, Vanity! What, will't not be?

DICER. What a prodigious knave, what a slave is this? [Aside.

PROD. Fortune, fine Fortune, you minion, if ye be wise, Bethink ye betimes, take better advice: Restore unto me my money quietly, Else look for wars: Vanity, Fortune, Vanity!

DICER. Sir, you see it booteth not.

PROD. It is but my ill-luck. Now the devil and his dam give them both suck! What may we do? what counsel giv'st thou, Dick?

DICER. Marry, sir, be rul'd by me; I'll show you a trick, How you may have him quickly.

PROD. As how?

DICER. Scale the walls: in at the window; by force fet him.

PROD. None better, in faith; fetch a ladder, and I will set him. Fortune, thou injurious dame, thou shalt not by this villany Have cause to triumph over Prodigality. Why speak'st thou not? why speak'st thou not, I say? Thy silence doth but breed thine own hurt and decay.

DICER. Here is a ladder.

PROD. Set it to.

[Here PRODIGALITY scaleth; FORTUNE claps a halter about his neck; he breaketh the halter, and falls.

PROD. 'Swounds! help, Dick: help quickly, or I am chok'd!

DICER. God-a-mercy, good halter, or else you had been yok'd!

PROD. O thou vile, ill-favoured, crow-trodden, pye-pecked ront! Thou abominable, blind foul-filth,[400] is this thy wont: First, maliciously to spoil men of their good, And then by subtle sleights thus to seek their blood? I abhor thee—I defy thee, wheresoever I go; I do proclaim myself thy mortal foe.

[Enter TOM TOSS.][401]

TOM TOSS. News, Prodigality, news!

DICER. Good, and God will?

PROD. What news, Tom?

TOSS. I have met with Money.

PROD. Where?

TOSS. Marry, sir, he is going into a strange country With an old chuff, called Tenacity.

PROD. Tenacity? is that tinker's budget so full of audacity?

TOSS. 'Tis true.

PROD. May we not overtake him?

TOSS. Yes, easily with good horses.

PROD. Let's go then, for God's sake; we'll catch him in a trap.

DICER and TOSS. Go; we will go with you, whatever shall hap.

[Exeunt.



SCENE V.

Enter VANITY.[402]

VAN. O rotten rope, that thou must be so brittle! Hadst thou but happened to have held a little, I had taught my princocks against another time So to presume Dame Fortune's bower to climb. To make such a 'scape, his hap was very good: Well, he 'scaped fair, I swear by the rood: But will you have me say my fantasy, Quod differtur, non aufertur; for assuredly The gentleman will never hold himself quiet, Till once more he come to taste of this diet. Mark the end.

FOR. Vanity! [From a window.

VAN. Madam.

FOR. Is this roister gone?

VAN. Yea, madam, he is gone.

FOR. Then get thee anon, And cause my attendants to come away, For here as now I will no longer stay, But prosecute this foe of mine so fast By mischiefs all I may, that at the last He shall arrive unto a wretched end, And with repentance learn how to offend A goddess of my state and dignity.

VAN. Lady, to do your will I hasten willingly. [VANITY exit.

FORTUNE comes down.

FOR. Dame Fortune's power, her most exceeding might, Is known by this as an undoubted thing: Since here most plainly hath appear'd in sight, How all the world doth hang upon her wing, How high and low, of all states and degrees, Do rise and fall again, as she decrees. Then let not Virtue think it scorn to yield To Fortune, chief of power, chief sovereignty: Sith Fortune here by proof hath won the field, Subdu'd her foes, and got the victory: For as she list to favour, else to frown, She hoisteth up, or headlong hurleth down.

[Enter VANITY again.][403]

VAN. Madam, here are your vassals ready prest, To do the thing that Fortune liketh best.

FOR. Well, then, come on to witness this our victory; Depart we hence with sound of fame triumphantly.

[Cries of Reverence, due reverence!



ACT V., SCENE I.

Enter PRODIGALITY, MONEY, TOSS, DICER.

PROD. [to MONEY.] Come on, my bulchin;[404] come on, my fat ox:[405] Come, porkling, come on; come, pretty twattox.[406] Why, will it not be? yet faster, a cur'sy![407] This gentleman of late is waxen so pursy, As at every land's-end he seeketh to rest him. How think ye? hath not Tenacity trimly dress'd him?

MON. Prodigality, if thou lovest me, let us here stay: For sure I can do no more than I may. I am out of breath, as weary as a dog. [He falls down upon his elbow.

TOSS. A luskish lubber, as fat as a hog!

PROD. Come up, gentle Money; we may not here stay.

MON. I must needs, Prodigality, there is no nay; For if I should stir me one inch from the ground, I think I shall die, sure, or fall in a sound.[408]

PROD. Then must you be drawn.

MON. Drawn or hang'd, all is one: For I cannot stir me; my breath is clean gone.

PROD. How like ye this grossum corpus, so mightily grown?

TOSS. I like him the better, that he is your own.

DICER. A more monstrous beast, a beast more unwieldy, Since first I was born, yet[409] never beheld I.

PROD. Indeed, the whoreson is waxen somewhat too fat; But we will find medicines to remedy that.

TOSS. Sir, let me but have him a little in cure, To put my poor practice of physic in ure, And I dare warrant ye, with a purgation or twain, I'll quickly rid him out of all this pain.

PROD. I think a glister were better.

DICER. Nay, rather a suppository.

TOSS. Nay, then, what say you to letting of blood?

DICER. I think that some of these should do him good. Ask the physician.

MON. Prodigality?

PROD. Ho!

MON. I am sick.

PROD. Where, man?

MON. Faith, here, in my belly. It swells, I assure ye, out of all measure.

PROD. Take heed it grow not to a timpany.

MON. And if it do, what is the danger then?

PROD. A consumption.

MON. A consumption? marry, God forbid, man.

TOSS. What think you now of Tenacity? Was he your friend or your foe?

MON. Ah, that wretch Tenacity hath brought me to all this woe. 'Twas he, indeed, that sought to destroy me, In that he would never use or employ[410] me: But, Prodigality, sweet Prodigality, Help to provide some present remedy: Let me not be thus miserably spilt; Ease me of this, and use me as thou wilt. Yet had I rather live in state bare and thin, Than in this monstrous plight that now I am in: So fatty, so foggy, so out of all measure, That in myself I take no kind of pleasure.

PROD. Why, rise up then quickly, and let us be gone.

MON. Friends, you must help me, I cannot rise alone.

DICER. Come on, my sweet Money, we must have a mean To turn this foggy fat to a finer lean.

MON. The sooner the better.

TOSS. Nay, Money, doubt not, but by sweat or by vomit I warrant thee, boy, shortly thou shalt be rid from it.

PROD. Rid, quotha? if shaving, or boxing, or scouring, Or 'nointing, or scraping, or purging, or blood-letting, Or rubbing, or paring, or chafing, or fretting, Or ought else will rid it, he shall want no ridding. [Aside. Come on, Money, let's be jogging!

Exeunt.



SCENE II.

PRODIGALITY, DICER, &c., to whom enter CONSTABLE, making hue and cry, and HOST.[411]

CON. Thieves, neighbours, thieves! come forth, beset the country.

PROD. Hark! list a while, what might this clamour be?

DICER. 'Zwounds, we are undone, Prodigality; The constables come after with hue and cry.

TOSS. O Cerberus, what shall we do?

PROD. Stand back, lie close, and let them pass by.

[They retire.

CON. Thieves, thieves! O vile, O detestable deed! Thieves, neighbours! come forth, away, abroad with speed. Where dwell these constables?

HOST. Why? what's the matter, friend, I pray?

CON. Why, thieves, man, I tell thee, come away.

HOST. Thieves, i'faith? Wife! my scull, my jack, my brown bill.

CON. Come away quickly.

HOST. Dick, Tom, Will, ye whoresons, make ye all ready, and haste; But let me hear, how stands the case? [Follows CONSTABLE.[412]

CON. Marry, sir, here-by. Not far from this place, A plain simple man, riding on his ass, Meaning home to his country in God's peace to pass, By certain roisters, most furious and mad, Is spoiled and robbed of all that he had. And yet not contented, when they had his money, But the villains have also murdered him most cruelly.

HOST. Good God, for his mercy!

CON. It was my hap to come then present[ly] by him, And found him dead, with twenty wounds upon him.

HOST. But what became of them?

CON. They fled this way.

HOST. Then, neighbour, let us here no longer stay, But hence and lay the country roundabout: They shall be quickly found, I have no doubt.

[Exeunt.



SCENE III.

Enter VIRTUE and EQUITY, with other attendants.

VIR. My lords, you see how far this worldly state perverted is; From good declin'd, inclined still to follow things amiss: You see but very few that make of Virtue any price: You see all sorts with hungry wills run headlong into vice.

EQ. We see it oft, we sorrow much, and heartily lament, That of himself man should not have a better government.

VER. The very beasts that be devoid of reason, dull and dumb, By nature learn to shun those things whereof their hurt may come. If man were then but as a beast, only by nature taught, He would also by nature learn to shun what things are nought. But man with reason is endued: he reason hath for stay; Which reason should restrain his will from going much astray.

EQ. Madam, 'tis true: Where reason rules, there is the golden mean.

VER. But most men stoop to stubborn will, Which conquereth reason clean.

EQ. And will again to fancy yields, Which twain be special guides, That train a man to tread ill paths, Where ease and pleasure bides.

VER. No ease, no pleasure, can be good, that is not got with pains.

EQ. That is the cause from Virtue's love Man's fancy still refrains.

VER. And pains, I think, they feel likewise, That unto vice do bend.

EQ. They feel, no doubt: but yet such pains Come not before the end.

VIR. I grieve for man, that man should be of ill attempts so[413] fain.

EQ. Grieve not for that: evil tasted once, turns him to good again.

VIR. Then will I take a cheerful mind, Unpleasant thoughts expel, And cares for man commit to them, That in the heavens do dwell.

EQ. Do so, dear madam, I beseech you most heartily, And recreate yourself, before you go hence, with some sweet melody.

_The Song.

If pleasure be the only thing, That man doth seek so much: Chief pleasures rest, where virtue rules: No pleasure[s] can be such.

Though Virtue's ways be very strait, Her rocks be hard to climb: Yet such as do aspire thereto, Enjoy all joys in time.

Plain is the passage unto vice, The gaps lie wide to ill: To them that wade through lewdness' lake The ice is broken still.

This therefore is the difference, The passage first seems hard To Virtue's train; but then most sweet At length is their reward.

To those again, that follow vice, The way is fair and plain; But fading pleasures in the end Are bought with lasting[414] pain.

If pleasure be the only thing, &c_.



SCENE IV.

Enter VIRTUE, EQUITY, LIBERALITY, MONEY, and the SHERIFF.

VIR. Now, my lords, I see no cause but that depart we may.

EQ. Madam, to that shall like you best we willingly obey.

LIB. Yet,[415] lady, stay awhile, and hear of strange adventures.

VIR. Of what adventures tell you? let us know.

LIB. Master Sheriff, of that is happened do you make show.

SHER. Then, may it please you, the effect is this: There is a certain roister, named Prodigality, That long about this town hath ruffled in great jollity! A man long suspected of very lewd behaviour, Yet standing ever so high in Fortune's favour, As never till now he could be bewrayed Of any offence, that to him might be laid: Now wanting (belike) his wonted bravery, He thought to supply it by murther and robbery.

EQ. By murther and robbery?

SHER. Yea, sure.

VIR. How?

SHER. This gallant, I tell you, with other lewd franions, Such as himself, unthrifty companions, In most cruel sort, by the highway-side, Assaulted a countryman as he homewards did ride: Robbed him, and spoiled him of all that they might, And lastly bereav'd him of his life outright.

VIR. O horrible fact!

SHER. The country hereupon rais'd hue and try straightway: He is apprehended, his fellows fled away. I supplying, though unworthy, for this year The place of an officer, and sheriff of the shire, To my prince's use, have seized on his money, And bring you the same, according to my duty: Praying the party may have the law with speed, That others may be terrified from so foul a deed.

VIR. So horrible a fact can hardly plead for favour: Therefore go you, Equity, examine more diligently The manner of this outrageous robbery: And as the same by examination shall appear, Due justice may be done in presence here.

EQ. It shall be done, madam.

SHER. Then, madam, I pray you, appoint some officer to take the money, That I may return again with Equity.

VIR. Let it be delivered to my steward Liberality.

[Exeunt.

LIB. What, Money? how come you to be so fat and foggy?

MON. Surely, sir, by the old chuff, that miser Tenacity.

LIB. How so?

MON. He would never let me abroad to go, But lock'd me up in coffers, or in bags bound me fast, That, like a boar in a sty, he fed me at last, Thus Tenacity did spoil me for want of exercise: But Prodigality, clean contrariwise, Did toss me and fleece me, so bare and so thin, That he left nothing on me but very bone and skin.

LIB. Well, Money, will you bide with him that can devise To rid you and keep you from these extremities?

MON. Who is that?

LIB. Even myself, Liberality.

MON. Sir, I like you well, and therefore willingly I am contented with you to remain, So as you protect me from the other twain.

LIB. I warrant thee. First, from thy bands I'll set thee free, And after thy sickness cured shall be.

MON. Thanks and obedience I yield and vow to Liberality.

[Exit MONEY.

Enter CAPTAIN WELL-DONE [and other SUITORS.]

CAP. W. My lord, according to your appointment and will, I come to attend your pleasure.

LIB. Have you brought your bill?[416]

CAP. W. Yea, my lord.

LIB. Give it me. I'll be your mean unto the prince, that it may despatched be: The while take here these hundred crowns, to relieve ye.

CAP. W. God save the queen, and God save Liberality!

2D SUITOR. Sir, I have long served the prince at great expense, And long have I been promised a recompense: I beseech you consider of me.

LIB. What, do you serve without fee?

2D SUITOR. Yea, truly, sir.

LIB. Hold, pray for the queen. [Gives him money.]

2D SUITOR. It shall be my prayer day and night truly: God save the queen, and God save Liberality!

3D SUITOR. Now, good my lord, vouchsafe of your charity To cast here aside your faithful eye Upon a poor soldier, naked and needy, That in the queen's wars was maimed, as you see.

LIB. Where have you served?

3D SUITOR. In France, in Flanders; but in Ireland most.

LIB. Under whom?

3D SUITOR. Under Captain Well-done.

CAP. W. He was my soldier indeed, sir, until he lost his leg.

LIB. Hold, pray for the queen. [Gives him money.]

3D SUITOR. God save the queen, and God save Liberality!



SCENE V.

Enter TIPSTAVES, LIBERALITY, SHERIFF, CLERKS, CRIER, PRODIGALITY, [to whom] the JUDGE.

TIP. Room, my masters, give place, stand by: Sir Equity hath sent me to let you understand, That hither he will resort out of hand, To sit upon the arraignment of Prodigality.

LIB. In good time.

TIP. Behold, he comes.

LIB. Now, Equity, how falls the matter out?

EQ. That Prodigality is guilty of the fact, no doubt. And therefore for furtherance of justice effectually, My lord the judge comes to sit upon him presently: Wherein we crave your assistance.

LIB. I'll wait upon you.

TIP. Room, my masters, room for my lord: stand by.

The JUDGE placed, and the CLERKS under him.

JUDGE. Call for the prisoner.

CLERK. Make an oyes, Crier.

CRIER. Oyes, oyes, oyes!

CLERK. Sheriff of Middlesex.

CRIER. Sheriff of Middlesex.

CLERK. Bring forth the prisoner.

CRIER. Bring forth the prisoner.

CLERK. Prodigality.

CRIER. Prodigality.

CLERK. Pain of the peril shall fall thereon.

CRIER. Pain of the peril shall fall thereon.

SHER. Here, sir.

CLERK. Prodigality, hold up thy hand. [He holds it up. Thou art indicted here by the name of Prodigality, For that thou, the fourth day of February, In the three and forty year of the prosperous reign Of Elizabeth, our dread sovereign, By the grace of God, of England, France, and Ireland queen, Defender of the faith, &c., Together with the other malefactors yet unknown, At Highgate,[417] in the county of Middlesex, aforesaid, Didst feloniously take from one Tenacity, Of the parish of Pancridge,[418] yeoman, in the said county, One thousand pounds of gold and silver sterling. And also, how thyself, the said Prodigality, With a sword, price twenty shillings, then and there cruelly Didst give the said Tenacity upon the head One mortal wound, whereof he is now dead, Contrary to the queen's peace, her crown, and dignity.

JUDGE. How say'st thou, Prodigality, to this robbery, Felony, and murther? art thou guilty Or not guilty?

PROD. My lord, I beseech you Grant me counsel to plead my cause.

JUDGE. That may not be; it standeth not with our laws.

PROD. Then, good my lord, let me some respite take.

JUDGE. Neither may that be; thus doth the indictment lie, Thou art accus'd of murther and of robbery, To which thou must now answer presently, Whether thou be thereof guilty or not guilty.

PROD. Well, since there is no other remedy, And that my fact falls out so apparently, I will confess that indeed I am guilty, Most humbly appealing to the prince's mercy.

JUDGE. Then what canst thou say for thyself, Prodigality, That according to the law thou shouldst not die?

PROD. Nothing, my lord; but still appeal to the prince's mercy.

JUDGE. Then hearken to thy judgment: thou, Prodigality, by that name hast been Indicted and arraigned here of a robbery, Murther, and felony, against the laws committed By thee: the indictment whereof being read unto thee Here, thou confessest thyself to be guilty therein: Whereupon I judge thee to be had from hence To the place thou cam'st fro, and from thence to The place of execution, there to be hanged, Till thou be dead. God have mercy on thee!

PROD. My lord, I most humbly beseech you to hear me.

JUDGE. Say on.

PROD. I confess I have run a wanton wicked race, Which now hath brought me to this woful wretched case: I am heartily sorry, and with tears do lament My former lewd and vile misgovernment. I find the brittle stay of trustless Fortune's state. My heart now thirsteth after Virtue all too late: Yet, good my lord, of pity condescend To be a mean for him that meaneth to amend. The prince is merciful, of whose great mercy Full many have largely tasted already; Which makes me appeal thereto more boldly.

JUDGE. Prodigality, I not mislike your wailful disposition; And therefore for you to the prince there shall be made petition, That though your punishment be not fully remitted, Yet in some part it may be qualified.

PROD. God save your life!

VIRTUE, EQUITY, LIBERALITY, JUDGE, and all come down before the QUEEN, and, after reverence made, VIRTUE speaketh

THE EPILOGUE.

Most mighty queen, yonder I sat in place, Presenting show of chiefest dignity; Here prostrate, lo, before your princely grace I show myself, such as I ought to be, Your humble vassal, subject to your will, With fear and love your grace to reverence still.

FINIS.



GRIM THE COLLIER OF CROYDON.



EDITION.

Grim the Collier of Croyden; or, The Devil and his Dame: with the Devil and Saint Dunston. By I.T. London. Printed in the year [1662]. 12mo.



INTRODUCTION

The initial letters J.T. are placed before this play as those belonging to the author of it. What his name was, or what his condition, are alike unknown. It was printed in 12mo, 1662, with two others, "Thorny Abby; or, The London Maid," and "The Marriage Broker," in a volume entitled "Gratiae Theatrales; or, A Choice Ternary of English Plays." Chetwood says it was printed in 1599, and Whincop, in the year 1606.[419] I cannot but suspect the fidelity of both these writers in this particular.[420]



PROLOGUE

You're welcome; but our plot I dare not tell ye, For fear I fright a lady with great belly: Or should a scold be 'mong you, I dare say She'd make more work than the devil in the play. Heard you not never how an actor's wife, Whom he (fond fool) lov'd dearly as his life, Coming in's way did chance to get a jape,[421] As he was 'tired in his devil's shape; And how equivocal a generation Was then begot, and brought forth thereupon? Let it not fright you; this I dare to say, Here is no lecherous devil in our play. He will not rumple Peg, nor Joan, nor Nan, But has enough at home to do with Marian, Whom he so little pleases, she in scorn Does teach his devilship to wind the horn; But if your children cry when Robin comes, You may to still them buy here pears or plums. Then sit you quiet all who are come in, St Dunstan will soon enter and begin.



DRAMATIS PERSONAE.

ST DUNSTAN, _Abbot of Glastonbury_. MORGAN, _Earl of London_. LACY, _Earl of Kent_. HONOREA, _Morgan's daughter_. MARIAN, _her Waiting-maid_. NAN, _Marian's maid_. MUSGRAVE, _a young Gentleman_. CAPTAIN CLINTON. MILES FORREST, _a Gentleman_. RALPH HARVEY, _an Apothecary_. GRIM, _the Collier of Croydon_. PARSON SHORTHOSE. CLACK, _a Miller_. JOAN, _a Country Maid_. PLUTO, MINOS, AEACUS _Devils_. RHADAMANTHUS, BELPHEGOR, AKERCOCK, _or Robin Goodfellow_, MALBECCO'S _Ghost, Officers, Attendants, &c.

The Stage is England_.



GRIM[422] THE COLLIER OF CROYDON.



ACT I., SCENE I.

A place being provided for the devil's consistory, enter ST DUNSTAN, with his beads, book, and crosier-staff, &c.

ST. DUN. Envy, that always waits on virtue's train, And tears the graves of quiet sleeping souls, Hath brought me after many hundred years To show myself again upon the earth. Know then (who list) that I am English born, My name is Dunstan; whilst I liv'd with men, Chief primate of the holy English church. I was begotten in West Saxony:[423] My father's name was Heorstan, my mother's Cinifred. Endowed with my merit's legacy, I flourish'd in the reign of seven great kings: The first was Athelstane, whose niece Elfleda Malicious tongues reported I defiled: Next him came Edmond, then Edred, and Edwy. And after him reign'd Edgar, a great prince. But full of many crimes, which I restrain'd: Edward his son, and lastly Ethelred. With all these kings was I in high esteem, And kept both them and all the land in awe: And, had I liv'd, the Danes had never boasted Their then beginning conquest of this land. Yet some accuse me for a conjuror, By reason of those many miracles Which heaven for holy life endowed me with; But whoso looks into the "Golden Legend"[424] (That sacred register of holy saints) Shall find me by the pope canonised, And happily the cause of this report Might rise by reason of a vision Which I beheld in great King Edgar's days, Being that time Abbot of Glastonbury, Which (for it was a matter of some worth) I did make known to few until this day: But now I purpose that the world shall see How much those slanderers have wronged me: Nor will I trouble you with courts and kings; Or drive a feigned battle out of breath; Or keep a coil myself upon the stage; But think you see me in my secret cell, Arm'd with my portass,[425] bidding of my beads. But on a sudden I'm o'ercome with sleep! If aught ensue, watch you, for Dunstan[426] dreams.

[He layeth him down to sleep; lightning and thunder; the curtains drawn on a sudden; PLUTO, MINOS, AEACUS, RHADAMANTHUS, set in counsel; before them MALBECCO'S ghost guarded with furies.

PLU. You ever-dreaded judges of black hell, Grim Minos, Aeacus, and Rhadamanth, Lords of Cocytus, Styx, and Phlegethon, Princes of darkness, Pluto's ministers, Know that the greatness of his present cause Hath made ourselves in person sit as judge, To hear th'arraignment of Malbecco's ghost. Stand forth, thou ghastly pattern of despair, And to this powerful synod tell thy tale, That we may hear if thou canst justly say Thou wert not author of thy own decay.

MAL.[427] Infernal Jove, great prince of Tartary, With humble reverence poor Malbecco speaks, Still trembling with the fatal memory Of his so late concluded tragedy. I was (with thanks to your great bounty) bred A wealthy lord, whilst that I liv'd on earth; And so might have continu'd to this day, Had not that plague of mankind fall'n on me: For I (poor man) join'd woe unto my name By choosing out a woman for my wife. A wife! a curse ordained for the world. Fair Helena! fair she was indeed, But foully stain'd with inward wickedness. I kept her bravely, and I lov'd her dear; But that dear love did cost my life and all. To reckon up a thousand of her pranks, Her pride, her wasteful spending, her unkindness, Her false dissembling, seeming sanctity, Her scolding, pouting, prating, meddling, And twenty hundred more of the same stamp, Were but to heap[428] an endless catalogue Of what the world is plagu'd with every day. But for the main of that I have to tell, It chanced thus—Late in a rainy night, A crew of gallants came unto my house, And (will I, nill I) would forsooth be lodg'd. I brought them in, and made them all good cheer (Such as I had in store), and lodg'd them soft. Amongst them one, ycleped[429] Paridell (The falsest thief that ever trod on ground), Robb'd me, and with him stole away my wife. I (for I lov'd her dear) pursu'd the thief, And after many days in travel spent, Found her amongst a crew of satyrs wild, Kissing and colling[430] all the livelong night. I spake her fair, and pray'd her to return; But she in scorn commands me to be gone, And glad I was to fly, to save my life. But when I backward came unto my house, I find it spoil'd, and all my treasure gone. Desp'rate and mad, I ran I knew not whither, Calling and crying out on heaven and fate, Till, seeing none to pity my distress, I threw myself down headlong on a rock, And so concluded all my ills at once. Now, judge you, justice benchers, if my wife Were not the instrument to end my life.

PLU. Can it be possible (you lords of hell) Malbecco's tale of women should be true? Is marriage now become so great a curse, That whilom was the comfort of the world?

MIN. Women, it seems, have lost their native shame, As no man better may complain than I; Though not of any whom I made my wife, But of my daughter, who procured my fall.

AEAC. 'Tis strange what plaints are brought us every day Of men made miserable by marriage; So that, amongst a thousand, scarcely ten Have not some grievous actions 'gainst their wives.

RHA. My lord, if Rhadamanth might counsel you, Your grace should send some one into the world, That might make proof if it be true or no.

PLU. And wisely hast thou counseled, Rhadamanth, Call in Belphegor to me presently; [One of the furies goes for BELPHEGOR. He is the fittest that I know in hell To undertake a task of such import; For he is patient, mild, and pitiful— Humours but ill agreeing with our kingdom.

Enter BELPHEGOR.

And here he comes. Belphegor, so it is, We in our awful synod have decreed (Upon occasion to ourselves best known) That thou from hence shall go into the world, And take upon thee the shape of a man, In which estate thou shalt be married. Choose thee a wife that best may please thyself, And live with her a twelvemonth and a day. Thou shalt be subject unto human chance, So far as common wit cannot relieve thee; Thou shalt of us receive ten thousand pounds, Sufficient stock to use for thy increase: But whatsoever happens in that time, Look not from us for succour or relief. This shalt thou do, and when the time's expired, Bring word to us what thou hast seen and done.

BEL. With all my heart, my lord, I am content, So I may have my servant Akercock To wait on[431] me, as if he were my man, That he may witness likewise what is done.

PLU. We are contented, he shall go with thee.

MIN. But what meantime decrees your majesty Of poor Malbecco?

PLU. He shall rest with us, Until Belphegor do return again; And as he finds, so will we give his doom. Come, let us go and set our spyal[432] forth, Who for a time must make experiment, If hell be not on earth as well as here.

[Exeunt.

[It thunders and lightens; the devils go forth; DUNSTAN, rising, runneth about the stage, laying about him with his staff.

ST DUN. Satan, avaunt! thou art man's enemy: Thou shalt not live amongst us so unseen, So to betray us to the prince of darkness. Satan, avaunt! I do conjure thee hence.— What, dream'st thou, Dunstan? yea, I dream'd indeed. Must then the devil come into the world? Such is, belike, the infernal king's decree; Well, be it so; for Dunstan is content. Mark well the process of the devil's disguise, Who happily may learn you to be wise. Women, beware, and make your bargains well, The devil, to choose a wife, is come from hell.

[Exit.



SCENE II.

Enter MORGAN, Earl of London, LACY, Earl of Kent, with MILES FORREST.

MOR. My Lord of Kent, your honour knows my mind, That ever has, and still does honour you, Accounting it my daughter's happiness (Amidst her other infelicities), That you vouchsafe to love her as you do. How gladly I would grant your lordship's suit The heavens can witness, which with ruthless ears Have often heard my yet unpitied plaints; And could I find some means for her recovery, None but yourself should have her to your wife.

LACY. My Lord of London, now long time it is, Since Lacy first was suitor to your daughter, The fairest Honorea, in whose eyes Honour itself in love's sweet bosom lies. What shall we say, or seem to strive with heaven, Who speechless sent her first into the world? In vain it is for us to think to loose That which by nature's self we see is bound. Her beauty, with her other virtues join'd, Are gifts sufficient, though she want a tongue: And some will count it virtue in a woman Still to be bound to unoffending silence; Though I could wish with half of all my lands, That she could speak: but since it may not be, 'Twere vain to imprison beauty with her speech.

FOR. Have you not heard, my lords, the wondrous fame Of holy Dunstan, Abbot of Glastonbury? What miracles he hath achiev'd of late; And how the rood of Dovercourt[433] did speak, Confirming his opinion to be true: And how the holy consistory fell, With all the monks that were assembled there, Saving one beam, whereon this Dunstan sat; And other more such miracles as these. They say he is of such religious life, That angels often use to talk with him, And tell to him the secrets of the heavens. No question, if your honours would but try, He could procure my lady for to speak.

MOR. Believe me, Forrest, thou hast well advis'd, For I have heard of late much talk of him.

LACY. Is not that Dunstan he who check'd the king About his privy dealing with the nun, And made him to do penance for the fault?

MOR. The same is he; for whom I straight will send. Miles Forrest shall in post to Glastonbury, And gently pray the abbot for my sake To come to London. Sure, I hope the heavens Have ordain'd Dunstan to do Morgan good.

LACY. Let us despatch him thither presently; For I myself will stay for his return, And see some end or other, ere I go.

MOR. Come, then, Lord Lacy: Forrest, come away.

[Exeunt.



SCENE III.

Enter BELPHEGOR, attired like a physician; AKERCOCK, his man, in a tawny coat.

BEL. Now is Belphegor, an incarnate devil, Come to the earth to seek him out a dame: Hell be my speed! and so, I hope, it will. In lovely London are we here arrived; Where, as I hear, the earl hath a fair daughter So full of virtue and soft modesty, That yet she never gave a man foul word.

AKER. Marry, indeed, they say she cannot speak.

BEL. For this cause have I taken this disguise, And will profess me a physician, Come up on purpose for to cure the lady: Marry, no may[434] shall bind me but herself, And she I do intend shall be my wife.

AKER. But, master, tell me one thing by the way: Do you not mean that I shall marry too?

BEL. No, Akercock, thou shalt be still unwed; For if they be as bad as is reported, One wife will be enough to tire us both.

AKER. O, then you mean that I shall now and then Have, as it were, a course at base[435] with her.

BEL. Not so, not so, that's one of marriage's plagues Which I must seek to shun amongst the rest, And live in sweet contentment with my wife, That when I back again return to hell, All women may be bound to reverence me For saving of their credits, as I will. But who comes here?

Enter CAPTAIN CLINTON.

CLIN. This needs must tickle Musgrave to the quick, And stretch his heart-strings farther by an inch, That Lacy must be married to his love: And by that match my market is near marr'd For Mariana, whom I most affect; But I must cast about by some device To help myself, and to prevent the earl.

BEL. This fellow fitly comes to meet with me, Who seems to be acquainted with the earl. [Aside. Good fortune guide you, sir!

CLIN. As much to you.

BEL. Might I entreat a favour at your hands?

CLIN. What's that?

BEL. I am a stranger here in England, sir, Brought from my native home upon report, That the earl's daughter wants the use of speech; I have been practised in such cures ere now, And willingly would try my skill on her. Let me request you so to favour me, As to direct me to her father's house.

CLIN. With all my heart, and welcome shall you be To that good earl, who mourns his daughter's want: But they have for a holy abbot sent, Who can, men say, do many miracles, In hope that he will work this wondrous cure.

BEL. Whate'er he be, I know 'tis past his skill; Nor any in the world, besides myself, Did ever sound the depth of that device.

Enter MUSGRAVE.

CLIN. Musgrave, well met: I needs must speak with you.

MUS. I came to seek you.

CLIN. Tarry you a while. [To BEL.] Shall I entreat you, sir, to walk before With this same gentleman? I'll overtake you. [Exeunt BELPHEGOR and AKERCOCK. This is the news: the Earl of Kent is come, And in all haste the marriage must be made. Your lady weeps, and knows not what to do; But hopes that you will work some means or other To stop the cross-proceedings of the earl.

MUS. Alas, poor Clinton! what can Musgrave do? Unless I should by stealth convey her thence, On which a thousand dangers do depend.

CLIN. Well, to be brief, because I cannot stay, Thus stands the case: if you will promise me To work your cousin Marian to be mine, I'll so devise that you shall purchase[436] her; And therefore, tell me if you like the match?